Dating an extreme introvert
Dating an Introvert? Here're 11 Amazing Secrets You Should Know
Relationship Guide
Written By Yadirichi Oyibo
Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
Many people think dating an introvert is challenging because of their quiet personalities. On the contrary, it’s one of the best experiences a person can encounter.
According to research, introverts make excellent life partners due to the value they bring to their associations. If you’re looking for a substantive relationship, you should consider dating introverts. However, to ensure the process is successful, you’ll need some introvert dating advice.
This article lays down some of the best advice for dating introverts, from tips on dating an extreme introvert to introvert dating problems.
If you’re curious to find out, here are some of the secrets you should know.
11 Secrets on How to Date an Introvert
Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
Subtle signs are enough.
Introverts have withdrawn personalities and may not always express everything they feel. When they’re interested in you, they’ll give subtle hints to their attraction. It’s up to you to make a move with those signs and express how you feel.
Ultimately, waiting for a quiet person to start a conversation would be a wrong decision. They won’t always take the first step, but this doesn’t suggest they’ll be indifferent to your advances. You merely have to pay attention to their words and body language.
If you sense anything positive from their interaction with you, it’s a good sign. Dating an introvert demands being willing to pursue your interest. However, be careful enough to sense when they’re uncomfortable with your progressions.
2. Give them time to open up.
Introverts are naturally in their shells in public or around strangers. However, when they’re comfortable around you, they’ll reveal their hidden personalities. Giving them time to get accustomed to a new relationship is how to get an introvert to open up.
Allow the friendship to blossom naturally without putting unnecessary pressure on them. The more you force quiet people out of their comfort zones too early, is the less likely they’ll become warm around you.
It would help if you also had good intentions to make an introvert open up to you. These individuals are great observers and would easily spot insincerity. Therefore, having their best interests at heart is a profitable key to dating introvert man or woman.
3. Strive to make an authentic connection.
The little things move introverts and not necessarily how perfect situations may seem. Therefore, if you want to know how to date an introvert man or woman, you should focus on building a genuine connection.
An introvert may cherish a memorable discussion about life in a park over a superficial conversation in a fancy restaurant. It’s essential to strive to connect deeply with quiet people by revealing your true self in the littlest circumstances.
Your sincerity and authenticity will move them more than unneeded romantic gestures. More so, it’ll leave an impression on them more than excess efforts to impress them. If you’re interested in introverted dating, try to focus more on the connection than your portrayal.
4. Stay attentive to their social energies.
Introverts aren’t batteries that you have to monitor from time to time. However, you should be aware that they get drained from social situations faster than other individuals. They might like your company but may be unwilling to go out at certain times with you.
This scenario doesn’t indicate disinterest. You need to be conscious of how quiet people cope with overstimulation to understand extreme introvert dating.
Sometimes, they require time in their comfort zones to interact better in social settings.
Related: 14 Horrible Introvert Hangover Symptoms (& Ways to Curb It)
Dating an introvert woman or man requires choosing the most conducive hour and location for outings. They may naturally spend more time indoors, but the right place can get them pumped for a pleasure trip.
5. Communication won’t always be fluent.
Introverts’ minds operate somewhat differently from other people. They tend to ruminate over subjects longer than most individuals because they have a more complex thought process. Their minds crave to intricately break down issues and understand things thoroughly.
As a result, it may be hard for these individuals to communicate fluently all the time. When something’s wrong, a quiet person may prefer to think carefully about the subject before voicing out the problem.
This process may be inconvenient for the other party, especially when they can perceive the issue.
If you plan to date introvert people, it’s critical to give them time to express themselves. Be rest assured that their slow interaction is for the relationship’s best interest.
Related: Am I Too Quiet? P.S. No, You’re Not. A How-To Guide to Using Your Introversion to Your Advantage
6. Be thought-provoking.
You don’t have to be a smarty-pants to impress introverts. All you need to do is to stimulate their mental interest. Think profoundly and create ideas that will capture their attention. However, this process comes only after you’ve carefully observed the introvert you want to date.
Find out what they love and try your best to create something unique. Most times, the idea counts more than the creation itself. It would help if you let your introverted crush know you’re sincerely interested in them, which would only be possible by being thought-provoking.
Let your first date with an introverted guy or girl be at a location you’re confident they’ll love and not necessarily what you think will be perfect.
7. Understand their social challenges.
Dating an introvert man or woman requires paying attention to the areas they may struggle with. In most of the situations that extroverts may thrive well, it may be cumbersome for an introvert. Therefore, paying attention to these factors is how to love an introvert.
For example, they might not be thrilled to follow you to a party or to be at a social gathering for too long. Meeting your group of friends might be exciting for the first few minutes, but hours in their presence may be overwhelming.
Acknowledging these factors will help you take care of your introvert better and win them over. It shows that you have their best interests at heart, and you’re constantly looking out for them.
8. Be inquisitive.
One of the critical tips on how to date an introvert is to be inquisitive. Introverts won’t constantly stir up conversations when a relationship is merely starting.
They might refrain from asking several questions because they don’t want to intrude, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be talkative.
If you genuinely want to build a special bond with a quiet person, you must be willing to initiate discussions. Dating as an introvert is an overwhelming process for them because they have to go outside their comfort zones to bond with you.
Making the process easier guarantees faster and more effective results. It’ll also curb most of the awkward silence you might encounter early on in the relationship.
9. Learn to compromise.
If you’re an extrovert, compromise is key to dating an introvert guy or girl. Your preferences would certainly clash from time to time, but what keeps the relationship standing is the habit of compromise.
You don’t have to overrule your desires to please your introverted counterpart. On the contrary, you need to find scenarios that will be relatively appealing to both of you. You would also need to consider some time apart to feed your respective interests if you can’t accomplish them together.
Finding a balance between quiet and outgoing activities is critical to loving an introvert man or woman. More so, try to complement their weaknesses and embrace their strengths.
10. Quality time is the primary love language.
According to Gary Chapman, the five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. While the love language for extroverts tends to vary, it’s essential to acknowledge that quality time primarily moves most introverts over other languages.
Dating for introverts demands connecting mentally above other factors, and this is only possible when the two parties spend ample time together. The both of you will undoubtedly share a bond by doing several activities and communicating on a deeper level.
Therefore, dating an introverted man and woman requires placing prime importance on building a connection over other factors. Their love language might change over time, but this phase is primarily essential at the early stages of the relationship.
11. They’ll cherish the relationship.
Introverts take their time in building relationships because they prefer to have substantive ones. They always connect deeply, which makes them selective in their relationships. If you eventually catch the interest of an introverted person, be rest assured that they’ll value their association with you.
They’ll try their best to make the relationship work because they’ve gone outside their comfort zone to make you a part of their life. After learning how to date an introverted man or woman, be prepared to have an excellent relationship with them. This process is one of the perks of dating an introvert.
You would also need to learn how to reciprocate their efforts to sustain the association if you want things to progress with time.
FAQs
How do introverts date?
Introverts rarely ever make the first move when it comes to relationships because introverts and dating are subjects that need the assistance of a third party.
If you’re interested in a quiet person, the subtle signs they give are enough to reveal your attraction to them.
How to date an introvert guy?
Knowing how to attract an introvert man demands patience. He may not be expressive with words as you expect, which is a natural trait for all introverts. However, you need to understand his likes and dislikes to guarantee growth and harmony in the association.
How to date an introvert girl?
Introvert woman dating is more delicate than dating introverted men because they’re likely to be more sensitive. Understanding an introvert woman is the first step to having a successful relationship with her. Please pay attention to her strengths and weaknesses and compliment her where necessary.
How to love an introvert woman?
You need to know specific tips for dating an introvert to make the relationship successful. If you’re dating an introvert woman, listening to her is key to making her feel loved. Introverts don’t speak often, but they always expect their partners to pay attention when they open up.
How to date as an introvert?
The best dating advice for introverts is that they need to be willing to go outside their comfort zones. However, they should practice this step in moderation to avoid getting burned-out. Dating as an introverted man or woman involves engaging in small talk from time to time and putting yourself out there when necessary.
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CONCLUSION
Did you enjoy this article on dating introverts? Understand that dating an introvert isn’t challenging as most people feel. On the contrary, it’s one of the best experiences you might encounter because of how down-to-earth introverts are. Kindly leave a comment below or share this article if you liked it.
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How To Date An Introvert When You’re An Extrovert, According To Experts
Life
by Natalia Lusinski
BDG Media, Inc.
When it comes to dating, you may seek out someone who’s similar to you in both personality and character. However, what happens when you’re an extrovert and they’re an introvert, or vice-versa? If you don’t understand the intricacies of each personality type, you may have more conflict in your relationship than is necessary. So, it’s best to know how to date an introvert in order to avoid potential personality clashes.
“Introverts and extroverts can create beautifully balanced, whole, and healthy partnerships together,” Lisa Olivera, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Oakland, CA, tells Bustle. “It takes honoring each other’s needs and learning about how you each best function in the world.
” She also thinks it requires practicing patience.
“With the right tips and understanding, blending these two personality traits can lead to wonderful relationships,” she says.
However, to get to that level of understanding with one another, Olivera suggests learning what type of extrovert you are, as well as what type of introvert your partner is. One way to do so is through the Meyers-Briggs test so you can figure out your personality type. You can either do the test online or with someone like a therapist. “When we not only learn about ourselves, but also about our partner, we gain a better sense of how we work as individuals,” she says. “In turn, we learn how we can support our partner based on their traits and natural ways of being in the world.”
That said, here are more tips for dating an introvert if you’re an extrovert, according to experts.
1
Be Supportive
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If you’re an extrovert, a full-on people person who gets more energy around others versus alone, it may be difficult to acknowledge that your introvert partner is not wired the same way.
“By understanding what our partner needs in order to function well as a human, we can do things to support them,” Olivera says. She says this may include giving them space alone, asking if they want support, and reminding them you are there for them.
“Furthemore, you can offer to partake in activities together or separately, such as taking different cars so that each person’s needs can be met,” Olivera says.
2
Don’t Judge Them
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Dan Neuharth, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, founder of DrDanMFTCounseling.com, and author of If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World, says it’s best not to be judgmental. “Try not to judge or change the other person — introverted and extroverted tendencies are often set at birth,” he tells Bustle. “Instead, appreciate what the other person *does* offer. Introverts can offer extroverts the opportunity to slow down, reflect, self-soothe and increase introspection.
Extroverts can offer introverts the opportunity to try new experiences, meet new people, and grow in new ways.
3
Respect Their Preferences & Don’t Take Them Personally
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If you haven’t dated an introvert before, you may take it personally when they need space or alone time. But you shouldn't. On top of which, every introvert is different, so one may need more alone time than another. “Respect your partner’s preferences while also respecting your own,” Olivera says. “For example, if you are extroverted and want to attend a party, but your introverted partner is feeling drained, have a conversation about meeting your socializing needs, but also fulfilling their needs of wanting to stay home.”
She stresses that if your introverted partner needs time for themselves, respect that need by not taking it personally. “The more partners can practice recognizing and honor the needs of their partners AND themselves, the more satisfied and fulfilling their relationship will be,” Olivera says.
Dr. Dan thinks so, too. “Introverts need alone time and quiet time, but this doesn’t mean they don’t want you,” he says. He recommends letting them recharge in their own way. “If you’re an introvert, it’s OK to say to your partner, ‘I am overstimulated and need some quiet time.’ Similarly, an extrovert can say, ‘I am restless and need more stimulation.’ How else can two people with such different personality styles know how the other is feeling unless they tell each other?”
4
Have A Safe Word (Or Phrase)
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Adam C. Earnheardt, Ph.D., Chair and Professor of the Department of Communication at Youngstown State University is an extrovert and has been with his introvert wife for more than 20 years. Keeping lines of communication open is important, he says, which is something that may be a little difficult for new couples. “The trick for me has always been to listen to my wife’s needs about crowded spaces and public events,” he tells Bustle.
“It took me a while to learn, but it’s actually physically and emotionally draining for her to be ‘on’ for other people, as it is for most introverts.”
Their solution? Having a safe word. “When we’re out in public, and she’s feeling overwhelmed by people and conversations, she’ll use our predetermined ‘excuse’ for bolting,” he says. He says after dating an introvert for a while, you might not need a safe word. “Instead, you simply pick up on the nonverbal cues, or that ‘look’ your partner gives, and you know it’s time to pack it in for the night,” Dr. Earnheardt says.
5
Don’t Be Afraid Of Their Silence
Ashley Batz/Bustle
Extroverts usually don’t love silence, but it’s often an introvert’s best friend. “Extroverts like it when introverts express enthusiasm and gratefulness, so extroverts may interpret silence as disapproval or a lack of enthusiasm,” Dr. Dan says. “But introverts often need more time than extroverts to mull over important issues.
Try not to let this frustrate you.”
6
Highlight Your Introverts Partner’s Strengths
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
There are strengths to being both an introvert and an extrovert, and it helps to remind yourself of your partner’s strengths. “For example, if you admire your partner’s ability to be in solitude without feeling lonely, point it out to them,” Olivera says. “Similarly, they may recognize how great you are at being around groups of people without getting depleted.”
She says that when you highlight differences as strengths instead of barriers, the differences becomes less important. “Instead, the recognition of our partner and their needs becomes the focus,” she says. “From this space, relationships can flourish and grow in a healthy and supportive way.”
7
You May Have To Ask Them Questions More Often Than Not
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
As an extrovert, you probably have no issue with talking to your partner nonstop, about everything and anything, sharing your deepest, darkest feelings.
However, that may not be the case when it comes to how your introverted significant other communicates with you. “Many introverts share more in response to questions rather than volunteering their thoughts, so ask away,” Dr. Dan says. “And, by allowing an introvert time, you are more likely to get deeper and more authentic responses than if you apply pressure.”
8
Compromise
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Whether or not you’re dating an introvert, compromising in relationships is key, and Dr. Dan suggests maximizing ways to do so with your introverted partner. “Seek compromise,” he says. “For example, take two cars (or Ubers or Lyfts) to social gatherings. This will allow the introvert to leave early if desired, which is better than not going at all. Look for win-wins.”
Dr. Earnheardt also thinks compromising is essential. “As extroverts, the activities we choose on dates can’t always be about us,” he says. “So be cognizant of the activities you suggest to your introverted date, being sure to pick an activity they’ll enjoy, like a hike in the park, a quiet dinner at your apartment, or talking about a book you’ve both just read.
On the flip side, I promise, the right ever-observant introverted partner will see the effort you’re making and pay it back.”
9
Have Couples Time
Hannah Burton/Bustle
No matter how much your introvert partner values their solitude, it’s also important that you continue to spend time together. “Make sure to make couples time,” Dr. Dan says. “Extroverts may need to do social things on their own just as introverts may need alone time. But don’t forget why you are together. Make time to give each other undivided attention.”
Dr. Earnheardt agrees, adding that it’s good if you and your introverted partner know what leads to intimacy. He says that while extroverts thrive in parties and public settings, meeting new people and experiencing new things, introverts see these activities as energy drains, sometimes to the point of near exhaustion. “Unfortunately, as extroverts, we don’t always think to talk about those potential energy drains with our partners,” he says.
But he adds that talking about those limits may lead to great satisfaction as a couple.
“Plus, spending time alone as a couple, in quiet spaces, tend to be less physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding, and can lead to a greater levels of intimacy.”
As you can see, there are many ways to navigate an extrovert-introvert relationship. “I really think these kinds of pairings are best suited for long-term relationship success,” Dr. Earnheardt says. “All it takes a lot of good conversation and negotiation.” Of course, the bottom line is, communication is everything, and the sooner you master the communication style you and your introverted partner have, the better, though it may take some practice, which is completely OK.
5 strategies for an introvert before a first date
Every time I go to the meeting place, my chest freezes. 10 minutes before the appointed time, I am ready to cancel everything. And there always comes a moment when I don’t know what to think, and after saying the first few words, I fall silent in utter panic.
Yes, I am an introvert.
Unfortunately for us introverts, there are no options - you have to go on dates. Answering the same questions to different people over and over again about who we are, what we love and what we do.
To leave a cozy house for a big and noisy world. Let the one we see for the first time at close range.
But let's look at it from the other side. Do you want to find love? Then you have to go through it. It doesn't happen otherwise.
Over the years, I've developed a few tricks that make it easier to accept the fact that I have to talk to complete strangers.
You are lucky - I am ready to share them.
1. A little more coffee, a little less alcohol
I know that the temptation to get a little courage with alcohol is very strong, but here's the thing: if you, like me, can't always find words, alcohol will become your enemy. Only coffee!
2.Short and mysterious
Leave room for imagination. Let the new acquaintance want to know more about you.
The real purpose of a first date is to arouse curiosity. Both of you at this time ask yourself the same questions: “Do I want to spend more time with this person? Do I want to know more? And if the answer is yes, you might consider scheduling a new date... interrupting the current one just in time.
Personally, I know that I can normally carry on a conversation for a maximum of 90 minutes, so I try to end the date at the peak of my activity!
3.Familiar places
After many attempts to invent new and original ways of meeting and finding unexpected places, I realized that this is not the best option for an introvert.
I need firm ground under my feet. I'm sure you do too. In addition, if your new acquaintance likes the place as much as you do, it will mean that you and her are on the same wavelength in some way (perhaps you are lucky and she is also an introvert!).
Personally, I always have a plan A and a backup plan B. I go for nice little cafes that aren't too crowded.
And if it still turns out to be noisy there, there is definitely a park next to this cafe where you can run away and wander together in silence.
Avoid mass gatherings if you get tired of them. Concerts? Save it for the second date or you won't get a chance to talk.
A good choice for an introvert - hiking or biking trails, cultural events, museums. Everything where there is space, the opportunity to move and discuss impressions.
4. Questions and more questions
This is the rule of dating: you have to ask the other person something. And even then, when you live together for 40 years and you have grandchildren, you will still need to ask each other questions. (“How was your day, dear?”)
If you meet online, write honestly. When asked, "How do you spend your Friday night?", it is tempting to embellish reality and answer: "With friends at the bar."
But this is not about you! Answer as is - "In yoga class, and I like it." There will be someone who will understand you.
On a first date, I was sitting across from a girl who asked a minor question about my job. I literally dug into the details of the answer, all the while running through my mind on how to present it in a smarter way so that she wouldn't get bored to death.
But I completely forgot that you could ask her about something! This simple truth is difficult for an introvert.
For the first date to go well, you must have a dialogue. Listening is just as important as sharing thoughts. If someone asks you how many siblings you have, they may already be looking forward to telling you about the relatives they love.
Get into the habit of checking yourself: did I ask the other person something? Did I learn something about this person?
As one extrovert wrote in the comments on an article about introverts: “I never had a problem getting to know someone and chatting with someone ... But I talk to people for one reason - because they are interesting to me!”
5.
Deserved Indulgence Don't bet too high. Every date doesn't have to be perfect, and you definitely shouldn't go on a date thinking, "It's got to be Her." With your talent for noticing and analyzing everything, you have probably already created a portrait of the one you will meet in advance. Too much pressure - both on you and on her. It's better to treat the date as an experiment.
AFTER THE DATE
Introverts have the ability to remember everything down to the smallest detail and ponder over the little things that their companion might not have noticed, and immediately build forecasts and catastrophic scenarios based on them.
Remember what was good, and think about a new meeting with a smile.
Dating is scary and… exciting. You can experience these feelings at the same time, and this is a sign that something interesting is happening. You challenge yourself but stay true to your introvert nature.
What could be sexier than a person who challenges and is true to himself?
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