How to deal with abusive relationship

How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship

If you're in an abusive relationship

Why doesn't she just leave? It's the question many people ask when they learn that a woman is suffering battery and abuse. But if you are in an abusive relationship, you know that it's not that simple. Ending a significant relationship is never easy. It's even harder when you've been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave, you may be feeling confused, uncertain, frightened, and torn. Maybe you’re still hoping that your situation will change or you’re afraid of how your partner will react if he discovers that you’re trying to leave. One moment, you may desperately want to get away, and the next, you may want to hang on to the relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety.

If you are being abused, remember:

You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.
You are not the cause of your partner's abusive behavior.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
You deserve a safe and happy life.
Your children deserve a safe and happy life.
You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

There are many resources available for abused and battered women, including crisis hotlines, shelters—even job training, legal services, and childcare. Start by reaching out today.

Making the decision to leave an abusive relationship

As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind:

If you're hoping your abusive partner will change… The abuse will probably keep happening. Abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. While change is not impossible, it isn't quick or easy. And change can only happen once your abuser takes full responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, or his temper.

If you believe you can help your abuser… It's only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think you're the only one who understands him or that it's your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you're reinforcing and enabling the behavior. Instead of helping your abuser, you're perpetuating the problem.

If your partner has promised to stop the abuse… When facing consequences, abusers often plead for another chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. They may even mean what they say in the moment, but their true goal is to stay in control and keep you from leaving. Most of the time, they quickly return to their abusive behavior once you've forgiven them and they're no longer worried that you'll leave.

If your partner is in counseling or a program for batterers… Even if your partner is in counseling, there is no guarantee that he'll change. Many abusers who go through counseling continue to be violent, abusive, and controlling. If your partner has stopped minimizing the problem or making excuses, that's a good sign. But you still need to make your decision based on who he is now, not the man you hope he will become.

If you're worried about what will happen if you leave… You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you'll go, or how you'll support yourself or your children. But don't let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous, unhealthy situation.

Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:

He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.
He continues to blame others for his behavior.
He claims that you're the one who is abusive.
He pressures you to go to couple's counseling.
He tells you that you owe him another chance.
You have to push him to stay in treatment.
He says that he can't change unless you stay with him and support him.
He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.
He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.

Safety planning for abused women

Whether or not you're ready to leave your abuser, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. These safety tips may might the difference between being severely injured or killed and escaping with your life.

Know your abuser's red flags. Stay alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.

Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.

Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you're in danger and they should call the police.

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Make an escape plan

Be ready to leave at a moment's notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver's door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get to it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend's house, for example).

Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, make sure they practice the escape plan also.

Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.

If you stay

If you decide at this time to stay with your abusive partner, here are some coping mechanisms to improve your situation and to protect yourself and your children.

Contact a domestic violence or sexual assault program in your area. They can provide emotional support, peer counseling, safe emergency housing, information, and other services whether you decide to stay or leave the relationship.
Build as strong a support system as your partner will allow. Whenever possible, get involved with people and activities outside your home and encourage your children to do so.
Be kind to yourself! Develop a positive way of looking at and talking to yourself. Use affirmations to counter the negative comments you get from the abuser. Carve out time for activities you enjoy.

Source: Breaking the Silence Handbook

Protecting your privacy

Abusers often monitor their partner's activities, including their phone, computer, and Internet use. You may be afraid to leave or ask for help out of fear that your partner will retaliate if he finds out. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe and keep your abuser from discovering what you're planning.

When seeking help for domestic violence and abuse, it's important to cover your tracks, especially when you're using the home phone, a smartphone, or a computer.

Call from a friend's or neighbor's phone when seeking help for domestic violence, or use a public pay phone or a “burner phone.”

Check your smartphone settings. There are smartphone apps your abuser can use to listen in on your calls, read your text messages, monitor your Internet usage, or track your location. Consider turning it off when not in use or leaving it behind when fleeing your abuser.

Get a second cell phone. To keep your communication and movements private, consider purchasing a prepaid cell phone (“burner” phone) or another smartphone that your abuser doesn't know about. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your local hotline to find out more.

Call collect or use your second cell phone. Remember that if you use your own home phone, the phone numbers that you call will be listed on the monthly bill that is sent to your home. Even if you've already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser may be able to track you down by the phone numbers you've called for help.

Use a safe computer. If you seek help online, you are safest if you use a computer outside of your home. While there are ways to delete your Internet history on a computer, tablet, or smartphone that your abuser has access to, this can be a red flag that you're trying to hide something. Besides, unless you're very technical, it can be almost impossible to clear all evidence of the websites that you've visited. Use a computer at work, the library, your local community center, a domestic violence shelter or agency, or borrow a smartphone from a friend.

Change your user names and passwords. In case your abuser knows how to access your accounts, create new usernames and passwords for your email, IM, online banking, and other sensitive accounts. Even if you don't think your abuser has your passwords, he may have guessed or used a spyware or keylogging program to get them. Choose passwords that your abuser can't guess (avoid birthdays, nicknames, and other personal information).

Protecting yourself from surveillance and recording devices

Your abuser doesn't need to be tech savvy in order to use surveillance technology to monitor your movements and listen in on your conversations. Your abuser could be using:

Hidden cameras, such as a “Nanny Cam,” covert security cameras, or even a baby monitor to check in on you.

Smartphone apps that can enable your abuser to monitor your phone usage or track your movements.

Global Positioning System (GPS) devices hidden in your car, purse, on your phone, or other objects you carry with you. Your abuser can also use your car's GPS system to see where you've been.

If you discover any tracking or recording devices or apps, leave them be until you're ready to leave. While it may be tempting to remove them or shut them off, this will alert your abuser that you're on to him.

Domestic violence shelters

A domestic violence shelter or women's shelter is a building or set of apartments where abused and battered women can go to seek refuge from their abusers. The location of the shelter is kept confidential in order to keep your abuser from finding you.

Domestic violence shelters generally have room for both mothers and their children. The shelter will provide for all your basic living needs, including food and childcare. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters will also help you find a permanent home, job, and other things you need to start a new life. The shelter should also be able to refer you to other services for abused and battered women in your community, including:

Legal help
Counseling
Support groups
Services for your children

Employment programs
Health-related services
Educational opportunities
Financial assistance

If you go to a domestic violence shelter or women's refuge, you do not have to give identifying information about yourself, even if asked. While shelters take many measures to protect the women they house, giving a false name may help keep your abuser from finding you, particularly if you live in a small town.

Protecting yourself after you've left

Keeping yourself safe from your abuser is just as important after you've left as before. To protect yourself, you may need to relocate so your former partner can't find you. If you have children, they may need to switch schools.

To keep your new location a secret:

Get a prepaid mobile (“burner”) phone or an unlisted landline.
Use a post office box rather than your home address.
In the U.S., apply to your state's address confidentiality program, a service that confidentially forwards your mail to your home.
Cancel your old bank accounts and credit cards, especially if you shared them with your abuser. When you open new accounts, be sure to use a different bank.

If you're remaining in the same area, change up your routine. Take a new route to work, avoid places where your abuser might think to locate you, change any appointments he knows about, and find new places to shop and run errands. You should also keep a cell phone on you at all times and be ready to call your country's emergency services number (911 in the U.S.) if you spot your former abuser.

Consider getting a restraining order or protective order against your abusive partner. However, do not feel falsely secure with a restraining order. Your stalker or abuser may ignore it and the police may do nothing to enforce it.

If you are the victim of stalking or abuse, you need to carefully research how restraining orders are enforced in your neighborhood. Find out if the abuser will just be given a citation or if he will actually be taken to jail. If the police simply talk to the violator or give a citation, your abuser may reason that the police will do nothing and feel empowered to pursue you further. Or your abuser may become angry and retaliate.

Taking steps to heal and move on

The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you've been through can stay with you long after you've escaped the abusive situation. You may struggle with upsetting emotions, frightening memories, or a sense of constant danger that you just can't kick. Or you may feel numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. But counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors can help you process what you've been through and learn how to build new and healthy relationships.

Building healthy new relationships

After getting out of an abusive situation, you may be eager to jump into a new relationship and finally get the intimacy and support you've been missing. But it's wise to go slow. Take the time to get to know yourself and to understand how you got into your previous abusive relationship. Without taking the time to heal and learn from the experience, you're at risk of falling back into abuse.

Hotlines and support

Call 911 or your country's emergency service number if you need immediate assistance or have already been hurt.

In the U.S.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or search Womenslaw.org's state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters and advocates.
UK
Call Women's Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Australia
Call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Last updated or reviewed on February 28, 2023

Ways to Deal With Abuse I Psych Central

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If you’re living with someone who is abusive, there are ways to manage the situation while also staying safe.

Dealing with a person who is abusive can be stressful, overwhelming, and devastating.

In situations of abuse, it can be tempting to try to appease the person who’s hurting you. You may change things about yourself, walk on eggshells, or become hypervigilant to their needs.

But is this the right strategy?

Abuse in any form is not healthy, and it may be time to consider leaving. Having a solid plan in place can be the key to managing this difficult situation.

Dealing with an abusive situation can be challenging. If leaving immediately isn’t an option, there are things you can do in the meantime to stay safe until you can leave.

This includes:

setting boundaries
educating yourself on abuse
reaching out to a therapist
telling loved ones what’s happening
discreetly documenting everything that’s happened
creating an exit plan

Try to do so carefully to avoid detection. People who behave abusively may sense that something has changed in the dynamic, which can in turn make matters worse.

What if I feel physically unsafe?

If things have escalated and you’re afraid for your physical safety, try to get to a safe place immediately, then call 911 or reach out to a loved one.

If you have an exit plan, consider using it as soon as possible. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a tool to help you create a safety plan.

Was this helpful?

Quick exit

If you’re in a situation that’s escalating, try to defuse the person’s behavior before it gets any more out of hand.

Try to stay calm

Remember that you’re not responsible for how they’re behaving. You haven’t done anything to deserve this. This has everything to do with them, not you, so try to stay calm.

“Attempt to keep your emotions calm,” says Ariel Landrum, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Reseda, California.

“Try to resist the urge to internalize the critical statements being made about you, as well as refuse to provide emotional fuel for the fire” she says. “Try to take a deep breath and attempt to speak in an even tone.”

Try to avoid engaging emotionally

Those who engage in abusive behavior may be trying to get a rise out of you because it gives them permission to continue doing hurtful things. Try not to take the bait.

Instead, you can try to:

set boundaries, like saying, “If you keep talking to me that way, I won’t respond”
maintain a neutral facial expression
assert confidence with your body language

Try to move to safety

It’s not always possible to avoid serious conflict. In this case, it’s a good idea to try to put physical distance between you and the abuser or bring in reinforcements, if at all possible.

“While maintaining eye contact, attempt to shift the conversation into an area of the room where an exit is available and can be taken when needed,” says Landrum.

In some cases, maintaining eye contact may be challenging or uncomfortable. It might also escalate the situation or make it worse. In this case, looking down or away, rather than meeting that person’s gaze, may be more effective.

If they’re attempting to start an argument, call a third party, she adds. “This may prevent them from escalating and focus on the problem and solutions by the third party to fix it.”

While it depends on your situation, Dena DiNardo, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia, advises trying not to confront them in the middle of a heated exchange.

“The outcome of confronting an abuser could be positive, if they’re open to learning more about themselves, potentially doing some work in therapy, and are invested in the relationship with the person who’s confronting them,” she says.

DiNardo adds that if the person is none of these things and “they have trouble with serious or persistent mental health conditions and/or have difficulties with substance use, a positive outcome may not be likely.”

Instead, an abuser may:

avoid responsibility
become defensive
deny the problem
gaslight
minimize
shift the blame to you

Quick exit

If you confront the person abusing you, it could lead to increased verbal abuse, physical abuse, and threats to you or others, says Melissa Zawisza, a licensed clinical social worker in Dallas.

“If children witness the abuse, they may intervene to try and stop them,” she adds. “If the abuse is taking place in front of other family members or friends, it could result in violence towards them.”

Right now, your goal might be to stay safe, not win the argument or be right. But that doesn’t mean you have to endure abusive behavior, either.

There’s a careful balance. Here are some do’s and don’ts to consider.

Do:

call 911, if you’re in immediate danger
work with a therapist
contact a hotline or local shelter
strengthen your support network
attempt to keep interactions in public areas
reflect on why you want to stay connected to this person

Don’t:

provoke or criticize them
become reactive abusive (respond by lashing out in anger)
threaten to leave in the moment, which could escalate the situation
try to appease or reason with them
confront them when you’re alone

That last one is especially important, says Landrum. She points out that someone who acts in an abusive way may thrive on power and control.

“Direct confrontation is a very visible shift in power and control,” she says. “If you’re in a safe place, have allies that can be present during the confrontation, and you’re able to continue to maintain safety, then the direct confrontation could lead to an intervention-style change.”

However, she adds, this is rare. The person has to want to change for themselves, not just for you. Try to be cautious, stay safe, and keep your friends close.

Quick exit

Living in an abusive situation can be difficult. There are times when it may seem like there’s no hope. But there is.

There are things you can do to help get through this. It might be a good idea to:

strengthen ties with your community
create a solid, exit plan
learn more about abuse
continue to gather helpful resources

Remember to try to take it one day at a time and consider leaning on others for emotional support.

“You’re not alone,” Zawisza stresses. “There are several places for support for you and others impacted by domestic violence. It can take a lot of healing, and it won’t happen overnight.”

When you leave an abusive situation, your community can be key to helping you rebuild. You may find it useful to attend Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) or another type of support group.

For immediate support, try these resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Dating Abuse Hotline
Pathways to Safety International
National Center for Victims of Crime
Casa de Esperanza (Spanish-speaking hotline)
National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center
Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence
The National Center on Violence Against Women in the Black Community
National LGBTQ Task Force

How to deal with toxic people

June 18, 2021 Relationship

Don't make abusive behavior the norm and stop looking for excuses.

You can also listen to this article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast:

How to understand that a toxic person is nearby

You wake up in the morning and finally realize that you are stuck in a problematic relationship. You are offended and confused.

A parent, brother or colleague, friend, spouse or even lover can hurt you. It doesn't matter if they manipulate you, intimidate you, or try to blame you for their problems. You do not know how to behave in this situation.

A few examples of such relationships:

Your friend is constantly sarcastic, and lately her barbs have become very cruel.
Your colleague not only rejects all your suggestions and ideas, but also actively belittles you in front of those who listen to you.
Your spouse says cruel things to you, and when you object, he says that you are too sensitive, or refuses to talk about it at all.
Parents underestimate your achievements, no matter what you do.

Not everyone stays in this relationship. At least for a long time. Some people immediately identify toxic people and know how to deal with them. Often these are self-confident people who strive for trusting relationships and do not allow themselves to be offended.

The situation is reversed for people with low self-esteem who prefer a dependent position. They don't know what a healthy relationship looks like and are more likely to end up with a toxic person.

Xavier Sotomayor / Unsplash

How to behave

1. Recognize the traits in yourself that make you easy prey

This does not mean that you should take responsibility or blame yourself for someone doing bad things to you. Calmly think about communicating with this person. Focus on why you felt something, not what exactly you felt. So you can see the pattern by which communication that is unpleasant for you occurs. For example, insecure daughters of domineering mothers may confuse someone else's desire for control with strength and tenacity and become influenced by someone toxic.

2. Think about your reaction

Assess your reaction to an unpleasant interaction. The offending person may take a lukewarm reaction to their behavior as permission and continue to behave in the same way. By your reaction, you can strengthen or weaken the aggression directed at you.

Work on managing your emotions. Find the point between overreacting and underreacting, and set up a template for yourself on how to deal with those relationships.

Act according to the “if-then” principle.

Replay in your head the most likely conflict situations and your behavior. For example: "If she says something rude to me, then I will ask her why she insults me." It is very important to learn to defend your feelings.

3. Stop making excuses

One of the reasons people stay in hurtful relationships is a lack of self-confidence. If you are justifying toxic behavior (“He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it”) or blaming it on ignorance (“She didn’t realize she was being rude”), then it’s time to stop and understand why you are doing it. If you find yourself behaving in this way, stop.

4. Don't be afraid of irretrievable losses

Josh Felise / Unsplash

People avoid losses at all costs. They prefer to hold on to what they have now, even if it turns out to be useless in the future.

Our habit of focusing on how much energy, emotion, time or money we have invested in something keeps us in place.

Whatever that investment is, you can't get it back. Years invested in a dead-end job or relationship, money spent on a broken car or on speculation, cannot be returned. It is pointless. As well as relationships with toxic people.

If you often think about how much you have invested and sacrificed for a toxic person, think about what your life will be like in a year or five years if you end the relationship. If the connection is not broken, then the following years will become just another sacrifice made by you to a person who will not appreciate it.

5.

Recognize the Power of Variable Approval

By nature, we tend to be optimistic and more passionate when we don't always get what we want. This can fuel our cravings for toxic people.

Burrhus Frederic Skinner , American behavioral psychologist, experimented with three starving rats in separate cages. Each of them had a lever that the animal could press and get food.

Food always appeared in the first cage after pressing the lever. The rat understood this and calmly went about her business. In the second cage, the lever never delivered food - the rat had learned its lesson and lost interest in it. In the third cage, the lever worked randomly and became the rat's obsession. She pressed him constantly. This is variable approval.

This principle also works in human relationships. When a toxic person does something good, your heart thumps with joy, optimism reaches a ceiling, and you think the situation is getting better. It locks you inside for a long time, like a rat in a cage with a lever.

6. Defend the borders or plan a retreat

Bethany Legg / Unsplash

If contact with a toxic person is unavoidable, set up barriers and the type of behavior you would like to see.

You don't have to be rude or accusatory if someone violates your boundaries. It is important to be direct and decisive.

If this happens at work, make it official and put it on paper. Tell a colleague, for example: “You can criticize me, but I would prefer that you not get personal. My appearance has nothing to do with work."

If you can avoid associating with someone toxic, do it.

7. Learn to anticipate retribution

A toxic person likes to control you. He likes to feel his strength. So don't expect him to just walk out of your life.

When you start to resist, most likely, he will try even harder to manipulate you, to gossip in order to gain power over you again. This is especially common in relationships with a narcissist who needs to win in the eyes of society at any cost.

8. Don't normalize abusive behavior

It's especially important not to normalize abusive behavior if you've lived in a harmful relationship for a long time or grew up in a family where you were humiliated. Toxic people explain their behavior by saying that their statements against you are just words. They deny their guilt, shifting it to others.

Refusal to answer a question or ignoring is also offensive behavior, its silent variation. Any humiliation, including emotional or verbal, is bad.

10 ways to deal with toxic family members / Sudo Null IT News

Some native people are destructive, complex and dominating . It is especially difficult if one of the parents turns out to be a problem family member. How to deal with it?

As a child, I had a harmful relative.
I know he loved me, but he lacked some vital skills.

Sometimes it was fun and joyful with him, but there were times that I don't want to remember. I often faced harsh criticism, abuse, rejection caused by his high expectations.

The driving forces behind my behavior were shame and guilt. I often could not predict what would irritate this member of my family. I endured explosive and sometimes violent outbursts of rage.

Most of my childhood was confused, sad and terrifying. It affects me to this day. Unfortunately, as a child, I did not know how inadequate many of his actions were.

I also didn't know how to deal with such treatment. Now that I'm older, we've managed to reconnect.
To do this, we had to leave. And each of us had to change our behavior.

We don't always get along, and sometimes hurtful remarks do slip through. But now I am able to maintain a relatively pleasant and comfortable relationship with this relative.

A family is supposed to be loving and safe from the start, but this is not always the case. Some native people are destructive, complex, and prone to dominance. It is especially difficult if one of the parents turns out to be a problem family member.

In any close relationship there are disagreements and difficulties.

We all have relatives with whom we are in conflict over music, life decisions or politics. Usually we spend the necessary effort working on the problem, or we just smile politely and ignore it.
However, relationships are called toxic in which one person emotionally or physically ruins the life of another on an ongoing basis.

Such behavior is not acceptable, even if such a person is part of your family.
Your priority should be your health and emotional balance. If someone puts them at risk, you need to correct the situation.

How do you know if someone is causing harm?

Here are some examples of the behavior of a troubled family member:

Constantly inserts offensive comments.
Does not support you if it is not beneficial for him.
Has an unpredictable, complex character.
Uses your time, skill or money.
Emotionally manipulates you to control your behavior.
Refuses to take responsibility for his actions.
Makes decisions for you.
Demonstrates a lack of empathy for others.
Blames you and everyone else for his problems.
Uses violence or aggression to get what he wants.

Understandably, this behavior creates an unhealthy environment and can have a negative impact on your health and well-being. For example, it can cause:

anxiety;
depression;
fear of being near this relative;
shame or guilt;
low self-esteem or self-doubt;
difficulties with the formation of emotional intimacy with other people;
inability to trust one's instinct or intuition;
distance from others;
aggression as a form of defense;
sleep problems.

No one is able to control someone else's behavior. You cannot force another person to change their actions.
The only thing we can control when we are in a toxic relationship with our loved ones is our own reaction. You decide how to take care of yourself.

Here are 10 ways to deal with harmful family members

1. Set boundaries

Decide which attitude is acceptable to you and which is not.
Everyone deserves respect, including you. You deserve to be happy, healthy, loved and safe.

Determine what your needs are and how others should treat you to meet them. Then, by implementing point #2, you will ensure the implementation of your solution.

2. Know how to stand up for yourself

When unfriendly family members cross the boundaries you set, you must stand up for yourself.
Yes, it can be intimidating and challenging. But it is important that you be direct and honest with them about your needs and expectations.

You can take responsibility for your own life and the way others treat you by letting them know that they are doing something unacceptable.

3. Stop looking for excuses

Don't make excuses for other people's unacceptable behavior.

Yes, they may try to blame you or someone else. But the truth is that only they themselves are responsible for their decisions and actions.
By justifying someone's behavior, you support them and allow them to continue in the same spirit. If your expectations are reasonable and you have been honest with your relative, then he is obligated to act in accordance with them.

4. Don't be afraid of your emotions

Dealing with a toxic family member will bring you unpleasant feelings and emotions.
Feeling angry, sad, afraid, confused is normal. Do not try to get rid of these emotions, but give yourself the opportunity to feel and experience them.

So your body and mind can process them, and not drive them inside. In addition, it will prevent the formation of an unhealthy mechanism of psychological adaptation.

5. Don't take it personally

This is difficult, but try not to take the words or actions of a harmful relative personally. He has his own health problems, and they are the source of his behavior.

This is his reflection, not yours. Believe in yourself and your own worth, regardless of other people's opinions and comments.

6. Limit the time you spend together

If a toxic family member makes you feel bad about yourself, you need to limit your time with them. This is not easy when it comes to a parent, brother or sister with whom you live together.

Even so, you can stay in your room, go out with friends, or walk down the street. If you live apart, just reduce the number of meetings or the duration of your visits.

7. Seek help

Interacting with a harmful relative is a psychologically difficult and emotionally exhausting activity. Therefore, you need to gain strong support from outside.

Share your problems with loved ones, trusted friends or family. Read books about dealing with unwanted family members to hear other people's stories. This way you will get additional information and find new strategies.

You may be able to find a support group. For example, there are organizations that help those who suffer from alcoholism relatives.

You may want to get professional help from a psychologist to work through a toxic relationship and its consequences.

8. Help yourself

Self-care is vital to maintaining mental health. And it becomes especially important in difficult situations.

Set aside time to meditate, journal, take a hot bath, or do something else that brings you joy. Daily affirmations will also help.

Treat yourself kindly, cheer yourself up. Focus on the good by listing the things you are grateful for every day.

Remember: your value is not diminished if someone is unable to see it.

9. Be responsive

Despite the difficulty of the task, showing compassion to a harmful relative can be beneficial.
However, this does not mean that you should excuse his behavior. It's just about recognizing that he's not a bad person in the first place. We are all imperfect.

He ended up in his current position due to difficult life circumstances or lack of skills. Each of us has our own trouble that we are trying to cope with, and we all make mistakes sometimes. This is part of human nature.

10. Break up with him

If the strategies above have not helped improve the situation, you will have to decide if you want to see this troubled family member at all.

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