Compulsive lying and adhd

Compulsive Lying Stories from Readers

Lying is not always a character flaw. Sometimes, it is a useful (though often regrettable) defense mechanism. Sometimes, it is the sympathetic nervous system’s natural response to danger. Sometimes, it is an impulse that the ADHD brain simply can’t control. But almost always, lying leads to feelings of shame and remorse in adults with ADHD.

Here, ADDitude readers tell us when and why they tend to stretch, embellish, or disregard the truth, and how it makes them feel. Share your stories about ADHD and lying in the Comments section below.

ADHD Compulsive Lying: Your Stories

“As someone with ADHD who has been criticized, belittled, invalidated, etc., lying becomes a part of your existence that covers up the ‘bad,’ ‘thick,’ ‘lazy’ person you think you are . Lying is a massive coping strategy to help overcome years of believing negative stuff about yourself. When you’re diagnosed at 60, the lies are so entrenched in your fabric of being, it’s very difficult to put the coping mechanism of lying to bed. I am explaining the reasons for lying, not excusing it.” –Kathleen

“Sometimes lying is — well — easier. Coming up with a quick-and-easy response requires less energy than processing my thoughts about the question, and organizing an articulate response. ADHD demands a lot of energy. Lying conserves my precious energy reserve.” –Diane

“As a kid, I was the oddball. I lied to make people interested in me. I believe it was a way for me to cope, and even if it wasn’t working, I began to believe what I said. As I got older and my lies were caught, I began to see the adverse effect. After therapy, and taking my medication regularly, it became clear that I was not only lying to make people like me, but to like myself more, too.” –Anonymous

[Read This: “A Lifetime of Apologizing — and Lying — to Cover My ADHD Tracks”]

“As an adult with ADHD, I lie when confronted with a potential fault in my character. I know it’s a defense mechanism, deeply rooted in past experiences. I wish I could just agree to disagree with my ‘accuser.’” –Becky

“I tend to ‘stretch the truth’ when I feel backed into a corner, or when I’m aware that my actions (or failure to act) have screwed things up, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet. It’s like a fantasy ‘get out of jail free’ card. It doesn’t keep the axe from falling — it just postpones it for a while.” –Anonymous

“I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 55. When you are undiagnosed and unaware of your ADHD, the symptoms are inexplicable. I could only perceive them as a result of my own (self-proclaimed) stupidity.

Being late (again)
Forgetting something (again)
Losing things (again)
Not showing up (again)
Making mistakes (again)

These constant failings felt like they could only be my own fault.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”
“I couldn’t find it.”
“I forgot it.”
“I got lost.”

In a bid to hide my shame, I made up lies. I no longer lie, and I no longer feel stupid. I’m now proud to be ADHD!” –Heather

[Self-Test: Could You Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder?]

“I lied all the time as a youth to get away with things, receive attention, or seem more interesting. Somewhere along my journey, I realized lying is too hard to keep up with, especially when you have ADHD. It is not worth the effort to lie and, more importantly, it feels bad. Now, I never lie. I am sometimes too honest to the point of being impolite. But that’s how I stay true to myself.” –Beth

“I embellish because it makes the story more interesting. I lie when I feel trapped or bored. Because my ADHD causes me to look at every angle, it seems normal to move in and out of ‘truths’ just to keep things interesting.” –Anonymous

“More often than not, it’s an impulsive blurt based on doing or saying something wrong or imperfectly. To maintain the lie that I was right all along, I stick with it and say nothing. On some occasions, the impulsive lie slips out for no apparent reason, and I clarify, ‘Wait. I lied. It’s actually X.’ Then I follow with, ‘I don’t know why I said that.’” –Ashley

“I still lie regularly to my husband. Not about important stuff but little stuff that shouldn’t matter. This is my learned solution for avoiding conflict over stuff that could cause more fighting and disagreements. I hold onto conflict way too long.” –Suzy

“It’s more embellishment than lying. For example, if I’m telling a story and something happened three times, I’ll say it happened four times. I don’t know why, but I’ve done this my whole life. Maybe I feel people will take what I’m saying more seriously, maybe because it just sounds more exciting.” –Anonymous

“I sometimes tell a white lie or make up an excuse when I’m late or I’ve missed a deadline or appointment. I get tired of having to apologize to everyone or, worse, being seen as my usual ‘ditzy airhead’ self. ” –Anonymous

“Lying is sometimes covering up for a deficit, like did you do ‘xyz?’ I respond ‘yes’ when really, I haven’t. This happens so I don’t get into trouble or look incapable of keeping up.” -Anonymous

Compulsive Lying and ADHD: Next Steps

Read This: Neutralize Chronic Shame by Understanding Its Source
Blog Post: “The Ugly Truth About ADHD and Lying”
Personal Story: Crying, Screaming, and Hiding: All the Ways I Deal with ADHD Shame

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ADHD and Lying: Is There a Correlation?

There’s no hard evidence on this link, but lying may still be a coping mechanism for some people with ADHD.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a common neurodevelopmental disorder.

The CDC reported that in the United States, 9.4% of children ages 2 to 17 years are diagnosed with ADHD, with boys being diagnosed almost twice as much as girls. The data also revealed that nearly two in every three children with ADHD also have a diagnosed mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder.

Impulsivity, hyperactivity, and inattention are the three main symptoms of ADHD. And psychologists suspect that a possible consequence of these common ADHD symptoms may be lying. However, there is currently no hard data to support the connection.

There’s no evidence that suggests adults and children with ADHD might lie more often than those who don’t have ADHD. So, until research is conducted on this, the answer is unclear.

It’s also worth noting that people with ADHD are fully capable of being honest. In some cases, they may be too honest for some societal standards.

But there may be certain situations that increase the chance of people with ADHD lying out of habit or as a coping mechanism to avoid unwanted consequences related to their ADHD symptoms.

Impulsivity often plays a role in why people with ADHD lie.

Sam Goldstein, PhD, a licensed psychologist in Utah, explains people with ADHD have a tendency to act without thinking first while under stress (impulsive behavior).

“This alone [may] lead to an increased probability that an impulsive person may lie to avoid responsibility or manipulate others to achieve a goal,” Goldstein says.

Still, he clarifies that “there’s limited, if any, scientific evidence that ADHD itself drives deceitful behavior. However, combined with other personality and mental health challenges may lead to an increased risk of lying.”

Some people with ADHD may develop a habit of lying, which, for some, could be a form of compulsive lying.

Although lying can be a disruptive behavior, white lies can often be harmless in nature. For example, difficulty staying focused during a conversation can lead to someone lying to pretend like they were listening to not hurt someone’s feelings.

People with ADHD with a poor memory might also forget something that happened, then say it didn’t when it actually did. To the other person in the conversation, this may appear as lying.

Some other reasons why adults or kids with ADHD may lie may include:

covering up an impulsive behavior that resulted in an unwanted consequence
forgetting what happened and lying to pretend like they remember
responding impulsively with a lie due to hyperactivity
hiding a lack of understanding of something with a lie
wrongly answering questions they didn’t listen to because they were distracted
telling white lies out of difficulty expressing themselves
impulsively making promises they can’t keep

Challenges with executive functions can also make it harder for people with ADHD to process information or speak and listen clearly. This could lead to miscommunications, which may wrongly be considered lies.

If you, your child, or a loved one is lying as a result of ADHD, rest assured it’s possible to change.

Here are some coping tips for kids and adults with ADHD who want to stop lying:

treat ADHD (e.g., medication, therapy, skill building)
practice telling the truth as often as possible
read self-help books on how to control lying
reduce distractions to increase focus during conversations
slow down communication to think more before responding

There’s no evidence to suggest that people living with ADHD lie more often than those who don’t have the condition. But there are many situations in which someone with ADHD might lie as a coping mechanism, to cover up an impulsive behavior that wasn’t thought through, or without even realizing it.

People with ADHD can take steps to stop lying. For starters, ADHD treatment, reducing distractions, and reading self-help guides might help.

If you or someone you know needs help managing their ADHD symptoms, consider speaking with a mental health professional.

What to do if a child with ADHD often lies? Understand and Help!

Children diagnosed with ADHD often lie about doing everyday tasks.
Usually they don't do it out of disobedience.
There are effective methods to help a child stop lying.

Many children occasionally lie or avoid telling the truth. But if your child is diagnosed with ADHD, you probably often find that he lies. If so, don't worry, you are not alone.

Not all children diagnosed with ADHD often lie. In fact, some are impulsively overly honest, which can lead to other problems. But for those who lie, it quickly becomes a habit.

When kids diagnosed with ADHD lie all the time, it's usually not because of something serious like stealing or cheating (although sometimes they, like all kids, can do that too). They usually lie about doing everyday tasks like housework or school homework.

Such lying is not an act of disobedience, it is due to the fact that they find it difficult to cope with tasks. Here's what you need to know about ADHD and lying often.

Lying is coping for children diagnosed with ADHD

The concept of coping combines cognitive, emotional and behavioral strategies that a child uses to cope with stress or psychologically difficult situations in everyday life.

How does lying help a child cope with difficulties? Usually, no way. Experts call such behavior “inadequate coping”. And the child may not even be aware that he is doing it.

Imagine this: You send your child to clean his room. An hour later you call him and ask if the room is cleaned. He says yes. But when you go to check, the room is still in disarray, and the child is lying on the bed and reading. This isn't the first time he's said he did something, even though it's not true. Therefore, you are angry and upset. Why would he suddenly lie about something that is so obviously not true and risk getting punished? Especially when it comes to something as simple as cleaning?

But this is the problem: the task of “cleaning the room” is not easy for him, and often such a task may even be incomprehensible. Children with ADHD often have impaired executive functions. Because of this, they have difficulty planning and completing tasks that they have been asked to do. But instead of solving these problems or asking for help, the child does nothing.

Lying makes it easier for him - he does not have to think about how to clean the rooms. And it's easier for him to get punished, especially if he's used to it.

How executive function problems and lying are related

Many factors can explain why children diagnosed with ADHD often lie about ordinary things. Many are associated with poorly developed executive functions. Children may find it difficult:

Connect the present with the future
Think about the consequences or learn from your mistakes
Time management and work planning
Understand why they lied at all
Understand that they were punished for lying (and not for not completing the task)
Understand how to deal with the original problem that caused them to lie

Also, some children diagnosed with ADHD may be unrealistically optimistic. They may think that everything will resolve itself.

How to respond when your child with ADHD lies

A child's repeated lies sometimes cause parents to stop trusting them. But knowing that this is his reaction to difficulties, you can see the problem in a different light. This will help you find ways to stop the behavior.

Here are some ways to help your child stop lying:

Consider in advance what difficulties the child may encounter and provide assistance. If your child is having difficulty with complex tasks, such as cleaning the room, break the task into steps and make a list of them for the child. Look for a connection between the cases when the child is lying, this will help to understand what he is having difficulty with.
Don't take his lies personally. Try to remember that he is not trying to ignore you or be rude to you. Focus not on the lie, but on what led to it.
Avoid creating situations where he might lie back. If your child has to finish homework to watch TV, don't ask if they've done the homework. Check. And if he didn't, tell him to turn off the TV and finish the job.
Don't shame your child for lying. Don't justify lying, but show your child that you understand why he did it. You might say, “You seem to be having a hard time doing this. Let's start by looking at what's got you stuck, and then figure out how to help you get the job done."
Help him make a connection. Talk about what happened and help your child understand what went wrong, including what happened when he lied. Then help him think about the situation so that he can figure out what to do the next time a similar event occurs.

Helping your child break the circle of lies and punishment is important. The constant recurrence of these negative experiences can have a bad effect on the child's self-esteem and your relationship, and on his motivation to correct the situation. You can help him avoid this by focusing on his strengths and appreciating him when he does something well.

Terminals

When children diagnosed with ADHD lie, they often do so for the purpose of coping.
They may not realize that they are being punished for lying, not for the reason they lied.
You can help your child understand this connection and what he can do to stop having to lie.

Source

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Causes and consequences

On February 17, the City Center for Medical Prevention hosted a seminar “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Causes and consequences".

First speaker, Ph.D. S.S. Mnukhina Artyom Alexandrovich Rezakov reported on the clinical diagnostic and treatment and rehabilitation aspects of the hyperactivity and attention deficit syndrome. He elaborated on the history of the issue, noting that the first mention of impaired attention in children can be found in Hippocrates and Plato. In the Middle Ages, the theory of "moral insanity" appeared, believing that children are born with manifestations of "immoral character traits." In 1848, the symptoms of hyperactivity were described in the form of Restless Phil in the description of Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann. in 1889In 1917, the American philosopher and psychologist William James published Principles of Psychology, where distraction of attention is explained by intracerebral mechanisms. In 1917-1918, the epidemic of lethargic encephalitis in Europe and the United States gave rise to a biomedical approach to hyperactivity and behavioral problems. Hyperkinetic syndrome was also considered in the works of domestic scientists. In 1920, P.I. Rastegaev was the first to propose in Russia to create special conditions for learning for children with manifestations of ADHD. At 1928 E.M. Zakharyan and M.A. Golozko describe the phenomena of psychophysical immaturity and poor memory in patients with ADHD. G.E. Sukhareva considered a hyperactive child as a patient with psychopathic behavioral disorders. V.A.Gilyarovsky, V.P.Osipov, E.A.Osipova, S.S.Mnukhin, A.E.Lichko, V.V.Kovalev were also engaged in ADHD. In 2009, R.F. Gasanov described the change in ideas about ADHD and its main clinical characteristics.

If we talk about the epidemiology of ADHD, it is noticed that the more developed the country, the more patients with ADHD in it. So, in the USA, the frequency of occurrence is 20

% of the population, in Canada - 15%, in Russia - 10%.

What factors influence the development of ADHD? Genetic, perinatal, natal, socio-psychological, pharmacological, as well as traumatic genesis.

The main disorders that are noted in ADHD are: impaired attention, hyperactivity, impulsivity, difficulties in communication and learning.

The first signs of ADHD can be seen in children from 1 to 3 years of age. They have: disturbances in the rhythm of sleep and wakefulness, increased excitability, anxiety, tremor. At the age of 3, there is a lag in neuropsychic development, disobedience, stubbornness. At the age of 5 - clumsiness of the child due to minimal static-motor insufficiency. For 6-9years will be characterized by domestic injuries, speech disorders, disorders of school skills, dyslalia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, enuresis, low self-esteem, aggression. At the age of 12-14 there is a decrease in hyperactivity, but there is a violation of attention and impulsivity. At 15 years of age, hyperactivity disappears, the symptoms of ADHD are smoothed out and masked by personality traits. From the age of 18 onwards, there is a lack of organization, inability to plan time, poor memory, explosive temper, emotional lability, family problems, traffic accidents, offenses, various types of addictions (alcohol, drugs, food, gaming).

Treatment and rehabilitation for ADHD consists of pharmacological therapy, psychotherapy and non-drug therapies. The doctor selects pharmaceuticals individually, based on the characteristics of the patient. Psychotherapy for ADHD is essential. It uses family psychotherapy and family counseling; individual behavioral and cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy; group psychotherapy and group psycho-correctional work with a psychologist; play psychotherapy; art therapy, music therapy; RAG (rhythmic-acoustic group). Biofeedback (BFB) and transcranial micropolarization are used as non-drug treatments for ADHD.

“Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. What is hidden under the mask of ADHD? - this was the topic of the second speech of a neurologist, the leading doctor of the group of in-depth examination of children with ADHD, St. Petersburg State Health Institution "Consulting and Diagnostic Center for Children" Diana Vladimirovna Ledentsova.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioral disorder in childhood associated with age-related immaturity of the CNS and disharmonic development. A developmental disorder characterized by difficulty concentrating and maintaining attention, excessive motor activity, and incontinence.

It is worth noting that ADHD occurs in both children and adults; males get sick 2 times more often; familial cases are often observed.

What are the main problems in children with ADHD? These are, first of all, behavior problems: protests, lies, fights, violation of public order. At school age - poor progress, specific learning difficulties, low degree of understanding of educational tasks, lack of completion of work begun, problems in relationships with peers and teachers.

Main signs of ADHD: inattention, impulsivity, hyperactivity. Inattention - the child is not able to focus on details, instability of attention during tasks and during games - does not follow instructions, does not listen, forgets, is distracted. Impulsivity - when the child hardly waits for his turn, interrupts, interferes in other people's conversations, shouts out answers from the place before the question is completed. Hyperactivity - the child makes fussy movements with his arms and legs, is restless, runs, climbs on something in situations that are inappropriate for this, is constantly on the move, is excessively talkative.

Depending on the characteristics of the clinical picture, there are three variants of ADHD: combined or combined version of ADHD; ADHD with a predominance of inattention; ADHD with a predominance of hyperactivity and impulsivity.

What are the diagnostic criteria for ADHD? Symptoms appear up to 7 years, last for at least 6 months, are found in two or more areas of activity (at school, at home), are not caused by mental disorders, cause significant psychological discomfort and disrupt adaptation, and create learning difficulties. There are frequent concomitant disorders: speech disorders, disorders of learning skills - dyslexia, dysgraphia. There may be depressive states, anxiety, oppositional defiant and behavioral disorders; tics and Tourette's syndrome.

In the development of ADHD, 80% is heredity. Increase the likelihood of ADHD pre - and perinatal risk factors. ADHD can develop after traumatic brain injury, meningitis, encephalitis, and other adverse effects on the central nervous system.

What are the manifestations of ADHD? In infancy, it will be anxiety, sleep disturbance, a high degree of physical activity. These children start walking early. Preschoolers are hyperactive and inattentive. They are late in the formation of speech, there is no sense of fear, distance. They are characterized by constant skirmishes with peers. In the early school years, it is difficult for children to concentrate, sit in one place and listen, and communicate with peers. They often have difficulties in acquiring reading and writing skills (up to 65%), impaired coordination, fine motor skills. By the age of 7-10, emotional disorders also appear. Adolescents have difficulty concentrating, clumsiness, dyslexia, dysgraphia, they seem to "hover in the clouds." They may experience mental disorders (depression, anxiety neurosis, drug addiction, substance abuse).

When making a diagnosis, it is necessary to take into account the personality and temperament of the child, environmental factors, family upbringing, pedagogical neglect. It is worth noting that individual, temporary characteristics of the child's behavior, even if they are similar to ADHD, cannot be considered the basis for making a diagnosis

ADHD must be differentiated: from neuroses and neurotic reactions that can cause attention disorders and hyperactivity; from asthenic syndromes in somatic diseases, which are manifested by rapid physical and mental exhaustion, fatigue, resentment, capriciousness, frequent headaches, and a decrease in school performance; from the consequences of a traumatic brain injury; from cognitive epileptiform disintegration.

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