Communicate with people

Summary: Communication is a topic that can be hard to master. How do we communicate effectively so we can have good relationship with others, whether in the workplace or at home?

Here are 6 tips on communicating with others effectively, whether in the workplace or at home:

1.

Most of us do more talking than listening. What is it that makes us more concerned about what we are going to say than what the other person is saying to us? Take the time to really listen to what people are saying, by their words, tone, and body language. If they know you are really listening to them, they will be more open and trust you with their real thoughts and feelings. Ask questions about what they are saying to encourage them to open up more. The more you really listen, the more they will open up, the more you really listen, the more they will open up… and the cycle goes on.

2. Come Alongside The Other Person

People don’t need friends who beat them up; they need friends who help them out. Being a friend means coming alongside the other person even if you don’t agree with them. It’s being there and showing support as they work through the problem. Don’t try to solve or judge their issues; just be there and let them know you care about and support them.

3. Don’t Give Unwanted Advice

Do you have one of those friends who love to give you advice even when you don’t ask for it? Most unwanted advice is just that – unwanted. Wait until your friend asks for advice and then give it to them. If they don’t ask for your advice, don’t give it to them. Giving unwanted advice makes you seem like a know-it-all and that doesn’t make for a good friendship or good communication. Sometimes the person just wants you to listen while you are trying to fix the issue instead. A good question to ask is “Do you want me to listen or help problem solve?”. This will give you the answer on if they want advice form you on this subject. If they say “just listen”, then do that. Close your mouth and just listen. That is the best way to be helpful at that time. If you are respectful of their needs, there might come a day when they actually ask for your advice.

4. Check Your Tone And Body Language

Body language is more telling than the actual words you say. Therefore, watch your tone and body language when you are speaking. Is your tone harsh? Does your face give away your disgust when someone else is talking? Do you smile and reassure the person who is talking? Your body language says more about your feelings and thoughts than your actual words so keep that in mind the next time you have a conversation with someone. Check your body language to ensure it is consistent with your words.

5. Be Real

The best way to communicate is by being open and honest. If you are frustrated, say “I’m frustrated”. Being able to label your feelings and work through them can help you when communicating with others. If you don’t want to talk about a subject, say “I don’t want to talk about that” to let the other person know where you stand. Being able to articulate your thought s and feelings can be a big step in getting good communication with others. Little kids are great at this as they have not learned all the social nuances of how to hid their feelings and be deceptive in their communication. We could all use a trip back to being a child when understanding how to communicate more honestly.

6. It’s Not About You

I hate to say it, but communicating isn’t all about you. Communication is a two-way street and we need to remember that the other person’s thoughts and feelings are as important as our own. I know that it hard to comprehend, but we need to have that give and take when communicating with others. To have a truly good communication, there needs to be honest going both ways and a good understanding of what is being said. Asking clarifying questions and letting the other person know you are listening are great ways to enhance communication.

Try these tips to see if they enhance your communication with your co-workers and family. You might be surprised at how simple it really is to communicate with others.

20 Tips for Talking to Anyone

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20 Tips for Talking to Anyone

20 cards June 20, 2020 266 772 views

Liana Khaziakhmetova

The ability to communicate is a key skill for anyone striving for success. It's no secret that communicative people have a head start: they are more noticeable, they make you feel welcome, you just want to deal with them. Here are tips from the best psychology books on how to get along with anyone.

1

Honey-smeared places

Communication books usually impose an extroverted, fun-loving approach: feign carelessness until it becomes second nature. But this is impossible.

Here is a tip from the Science of Communication book. For successful communication, you need to know your strengths - and use them competently. For example, chat where you feel comfortable. Make a list of places where you enjoy spending time: in a coffee shop, in a park. Or maybe you are more comfortable communicating in messengers.

Remember the places where you are “smeared with honey”. In them you relax and flourish. Try to hold important meetings there.

2

Anti-perfection

Scientists conducted an experiment: they asked people to listen to a recording in which a student tells how well he did on a test. One group of subjects heard that at the end the student spilled a cup of coffee on himself and planted a stain. The other one is not. The researchers asked both groups what impression the student made. In the recording where he spilled coffee on himself, he seemed more attractive to the subjects. Mistakes make us human. Show your vulnerability and it will be easier for you to get along with people.

3

Don't get obsessed

Most of us just feel like we stand out a lot. After all, each person is the center of his universe. Because we're so fixated on our behavior, it's hard for us to accurately gauge how close—or shallow—attention others are paying to us. In fact, there is often a discrepancy between how we see ourselves (and think others do) and how others see us. Most will not notice your mistakes and oversights.

4

Learn to joke

Not a single speech by the leaders of different countries can do without a joke, and there can be no more serious and responsible work. The ability to joke helps to reduce the tension of discussing any acute problem. But you have to be able to present a joke like a gourmet dish from a chef. There is no need to hurry, and in no case should the speaker himself laugh at his witticism.

5

Look for clues

Thread theory is an incredibly easy way to start a conversation, and besides, you will always have a few thoughts to continue the conversation. The more common topics, that is, threads, you find, the longer your communication will last - and the more sympathy you will cause. There are three main categories of general conversation topics that can serve you well in any situation - common acquaintances, common interests, and common motives.

6

Arouse curiosity

To engage a person in a dialogue, you need to arouse his interest, especially for sales managers. They only care about what is directly related to their business needs, not your product. And remember: you are not trying to sell. You strive to prove that talking to you is worth the time spent.

7

Communicate as equals

Communicate as equals can be intimidating if you are young or have never worked with people who make major corporate decisions. Understand: they are ordinary people. If in a conversation with them you look at them with canine devotion, this will affect your credibility. Focus on their business goals and the changes you can make, and they'll be interested in talking to you.

8

Pause in conversations

Often we ask a question and, without listening to the answer, continue talking. Another common communication mistake is answering your own question. There are only downsides to this: it will be uncomfortable for a person to communicate with us, and we will not learn anything about him, his requests, benefits, and our arguments will most likely turn out to be weak and will not affect his decision. That is why every time you ask a question, it is important to pause, give the person the opportunity to answer, and listen to him!

9

Tune in

You don't have to like everyone. It will take you more time to make connections or apply new behavioral tricks in a place that only makes you feel anxious and uncomfortable. By controlling the place, time, and person you interact with, you can set yourself up for success.

10

Use Your Hands

The best TED speakers use a specific mechanism to instantly build trust with their audience: they gesticulate a lot. The least popular speakers used an average of 272 hand gestures—yes, the analyzers painstakingly counted each one. The most popular speakers used an average of 465 hand gestures—almost double that!

11

Position yourself as a winner

Winners usually take up as much physical space as possible. Their posture is often referred to as the "power posture": they raise their arms above their heads, straighten their chests, and throw their heads back. Sometimes we unknowingly put ourselves in the pose of a loser when we check the phone. Imagine: you tilt your head, cross your arms over your chest, press them tightly to your body and lower your shoulders. What do most of us do while waiting for a client or before entering an office where a meeting is taking place? Checking the phone! We need to put an end to this vicious practice!

12

Be an enthusiastic fan

People love being labeled positively. They improve our self-image and gently push us to be better.

Here are some phrases you can use.

- "Yes, you know everyone here - you must be an expert in networking!"

- "I am overwhelmed by your dedication to this company - they are incredibly lucky to have you."

- "You are so well versed in this matter - how glad I am that you are among the guests today."

Let the interlocutor charm you, let him impress you. Listen to how eloquently he paints his ideas. Find a way to enhance their effect. Share his enthusiasm.

13

Imagine yourself in the place of the interlocutor

A great way to establish contact, to help a person open up and hear what he has to say, is to ask him questions like this:

- “How did you do it?”

- "Why did you do that?"

- "How did you feel?"

To actively participate in the conversation and be able to respond to the interlocutor's words with relevant questions and remarks, imagine yourself in the situation in which he is or which he describes to you. So you will experience at least a small fraction of what he experienced, and you will be able to grasp, hear the essence, which will allow you to respond correctly - so that the interlocutor will want to tell you even more.

14

Remember people by their names and interests

Stop passively listening to your interlocutor - scratch his vanity behind the ear. Remember the people you talk to, from their names to their interests. Stop empty talk - start a strong relationship.

Here's a tip to help you remember the person's name. When you hear a person's name, address him by name. "Nice to meet you, Eliza!" or "Elise, this is my colleague Jenna." This activates auditory memory and allows you to hear the name spoken in your voice. At the same time, you provide the interlocutor with a small burst of dopamine.

15

Listen with your eyes

Pay attention to micro-expressions during a conversation and you will learn the whole truth about a person. This method is based on the search for the emotion behind the words. The point here is to listen to a person, perceiving what he says, by ear, as well as with his eyes.

Microexpressions disappear very quickly - in less than a second. Anything that lasts longer becomes a normal facial expression. Why is it so important? Microexpressions (less than a second) are uncontrollable, so they give out true emotions. Facial expressions (longer than a second) can be faked, they may not be real. Therefore, you need to look at short flashes of emotions and reflex reactions in order to get the most reliable idea of ​​​​the interlocutor.

16

Changing the way you think

The main barrier to successful communication is your way of thinking, writes Mark Rhodes in How to Talk to Anyone. The development of communication skills will largely depend on what meaning you attach to the reaction to your words.

For example, if you are trying to talk to someone and the other person looks away, what meaning would you give to that? You may think that you did something wrong and conclude that talking to strangers is unacceptable. And then you are unlikely to seek to strike up conversations with strangers. But what if your interlocutor was just shy? If you give his behavior just such a meaning, the result will be completely different. Changing the way you think is what helps you overcome fear and learn how to talk to anyone.

17

Coping with Fear of Criticism

A good way to overcome fear is to imagine the worst case scenario and then imagine how you are coping with that situation. Thus, you mentally, as it were, mark your fear, and this, in turn, will help you get rid of it or at least reduce it. For example, you can imagine that something is misunderstood and everyone is laughing at you. Now imagine saying to these people in such a caustic tone: "I'm very glad that you liked it" or: "I'm glad I made you smile." Imagine yourself as a comedian parrying the audience's lines. By doing so, you demonstrate that the reaction does not really excite or scare you.

18

Play with your voice

Another well-known but effective way to achieve mutual understanding with the interlocutor is to match the pace of his speech. That is, if he speaks fast enough, you should try to speak at the same pace, unless, of course, this gives you too much inconvenience. Matching the pace of speech is necessary not only for mutual understanding. Different people perceive and process information at different speeds. This is reflected in the speed of speech. Therefore, if someone speaks relatively slowly, or the pace of their speech is noticeably slower than yours, this may mean that he needs to think carefully.

19

Use conversation starters

Most of the conversations we have with strangers are similar.

— What do you do? Oh cool. And where are you from? Mm, never been there. What brought you here? It's clear. Well, I'll go get another drink...

Boring! There is no emotional stimulus, no spark, no heights. After such a conversation, we can often hardly remember the name of a new acquaintance, let alone address him again. But why start a conversation with a new client if it will be so boring that he won’t remember it later anyway? Let's change the situation.

A conversation to be remembered involves fresh questions that spark communication. They spark new ideas, bring up topics that no one would think of, start deep discussions.

Try to start with an unexpected question that will spark genuine interest in the eyes of your interlocutor.

20

Show Warmth

Trying to figure out if we can be trusted, others look for warmth in us from the very beginning, writes Susan David in the book Emotional Flexibility. It doesn't mean "hugs", "caring" or "a guy I'd like to have a beer with". By warmth, we mean friendliness, loyalty, empathy, which are taken as proof of good intentions.

How to demonstrate warmth? Research shows that warm people tend to make eye contact, nod, and smile. During the dialogue, maintain eye contact both when you speak and when you listen. Nod occasionally to show that you understand the other person. Smile, especially when the other person is doing the same.

The main thing is to focus on what you are being told. People need to feel that they are being heard, even if you cannot fulfill their request or provide specific assistance.

How to communicate with people

Today I was asked a very interesting question - how to learn to communicate with people? Of course, someone is surprised that a person does not know how to communicate, but if you think about it, not every conversation goes as it should. I will talk about how to communicate with people correctly, what you should pay attention to and share my own secrets in this matter.

Contents

• 1 Why we need communication
• 2 Basic rules for pleasant communication
• 3 Chatting with strangers
• 4 Conclusion

Why do we need to socialize

In recent years, especially after the release of the series about one extremely smart detective, being a sociopath is fashionable. However, it will not be forgotten that even that notorious detective knew how to keep the conversation going - another thing is that the topic for dialogue with him had to be chosen in a special way.

Every person, if he lives in society, must be able to communicate. Even if he thinks he could do just fine without that skill. However, over time it becomes clear that communication is not just friendly chatter over tea on any interesting topic. Within the framework of communication, you can enter actions such as:

• employment;
• communication with the work team;
• family relations;
• contacts with service personnel;
• contacts with superiors;
• parenting.

Even if it seems to you that you are not talkative at all, and you do not need to learn how to talk beautifully, you are mistaken. Any encounter with other people implies communication. And it's best to know how to communicate properly.

There is another side of the issue - the need for communication. Psychology considers the need for communication as one of the most important and basic. If you know how to keep up a conversation, sooner or later you will want to implement this skill in your own life.

Basic rules for pleasant communication

The art of dialogue implies certain rules, if you follow them, then any dialogue will be easier and freer. Read them and you will understand how to speak.

1. To understand how to talk to other people, you need to listen to their speech. It is best to speak at the same pace as , and with similar intonations, then the interlocutor will be more sympathetic.
2. There is no secret in how to talk about what you understand - speak firmly, clearly and competently .
3. To understand how to talk, try to polish the written language first . Psychology connects the ability to write beautifully and the ability to express one's thoughts orally.
4. Take the time to understand how to learn to speak well. Read Russian language textbooks, re-read fiction, find your usual style .
5. Develop vocabulary. Otherwise, you may be interested in how to talk for a long time, but still fail - it is very difficult to talk about serious topics with the help of vocabulary, like Ellochka the cannibal.
6. Gesture and mimic as you learn how to communicate properly.

Psychology connects several information channels together. Thus, a person better understands and remembers what was said if it caused an emotional response in him.

Talking to strangers

Let's try to figure out how to learn to communicate if you are not sure that you are an expert in this field.

Let's take a look at the points.

How do you start a conversation if you are shy? The main thing to do in this situation is to get out of the stupor. Psychology also advises shifting the focus of vision to something understandable or pleasant. The easiest way is to approach the person by starting to say something in a few steps .

Psychology calls this method a deceptive maneuver, and it is most often used by older people who are ashamed to admit that they do not know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Remember - many people approach a person, mumbling something under their breath, and then turn to him, as if by chance.

Okay, let's say you approached a stranger and managed to start a dialogue with him, what's next? And then there are several ways - you can try to ask a person about what interests you, or you can try to tell something about yourself.

There is also a win-win option, most often it is used during work by people of craft professions. This method implies the beginning of a dialogue on one of the hot topics . Politics, psychology, social pedagogy. At worst, the dollar exchange rate and roads will come down.

By the way, there is another way to strike up a conversation with strangers, it is often used by hitchhikers. The point is to ask one question, and then ask the interlocutor his last phrase three times.

For example, talk about bad road surfaces, and when the other person says any few words, repeat the last 2-3 words aloud with a questioning intonation. The interlocutor will begin to delve into the topic he understood, and both of you will not notice how easily and naturally you will talk.

Worried about how to speak fluently ? This question is more difficult. The first step is to determine if you have speech problems. Record several monotonous pieces of text on the recorder, and then carefully listen to this audio recording several times.

You will most likely notice simplistic words, parasitic words, swallowed endings and word fragments, and much more. This must be fought. Learn to monitor your speech, make it more understandable and accessible to people of completely different classes.

Conclusion

I talked about how to learn to communicate, but perhaps I will make a small conclusion. Before you worry about how to learn how to communicate, practice at home in front of a webcam or smartphone, and evaluate your speech from the side. Thinking about how to learn to communicate, we too often feel deprived of interesting events.

This is completely normal - at first our life is filled with close people, then events, and only then - hidden meanings and motives of both people and events.

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