He is indifferent towards me

Your Boyfriend Acting Indifferent? - 8 Reasons Why

You fell in love with a caring, thoughtful, sweet man but what you have right now is the exact opposite. Why is he being so indifferent all of a sudden?

After years of being together, your boyfriend has turned into an insensitive, indifferent guy and you want your money back. You sometimes start to question if he still loves you, because what he’s showing you is definitely not love. As they say, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. You’d rather fight constantly or see him get jealous and overprotective than be with someone as cold as ice.

You want to know the reason behind this curious phenomenon, so you can, hopefully, put an end to it. You’re now so tired of him not bothering to text or start a conversation, not paying attention, and just basically not giving a damn about you or your relationship. Don’t worry! You can still reclaim that sweet, loving man you fell in love with—if given the right intervention.

Why your boyfriend is acting indifferent

#1 He’s suffering from chronic depression. Does he have a history of depression, anxiety, BPD, or other disorders that could be affecting his mental health? If he does, maybe he’s experiencing a flare-up at the moment. If he doesn’t, then maybe this is his first time experiencing depression of some form. Do you think something is bothering him? How is his career? Is he about to go up or go down the ladder? Try to ask him about these matters, but be as gentle and empathetic as possible.

If he gives you another quick reply and a cold shoulder, be patient. There are episodes in our lives wherein we want to clam up and be soaked in our worries. Respect that. Just make sure you communicate the message that you’re there for him. Ask him again the next time he’s in a brighter mood, and tell him how it affects you. If he loves you, he will have no choice but to open up about why he’s feeling blue. [Read: 9 ways to get your man to open up and start communicating with you]

#2 He has a big problem he doesn’t want to bother you with. So, maybe he’s not depressed, but is just dealing with a very big problem that he wants to handle on his own. It could be bad news from his parents or a possible termination at work. He’s so preoccupied with worrying about whatever it is that he can’t focus on you or your relationship. All he can think about is solving the problem at hand.

How can he go all lovey-dovey when he knows his life is going to change for the worse in a few weeks or days? There are some people who’d rather be left alone to solve their problems because of ego or simply because they don’t want to bother the people they love. Maybe your boyfriend is that type of person.

Again, like the one above, be gentle. Do not force him to report his problems to you. At least not yet. Just tell him you’re there in case he needs you.

#3 He’s obsessing about something you totally can’t relate to. Most men are simpletons. They’re like 5-year-old boys. He could be obsessing over the comics he’s currently reading, the LEGO blocks he’s trying to build, the online game he just bought, his new hobby, or his new bike.

Women tend to overthink when their men get silent. They wonder if they did something wrong to make him act aloof, but in fact, most of the time, these big boys are just preoccupied with little things. It’s possible they’re just too shy to share their obsession with you because you’d never understand it. Perhaps he’s afraid you might think he’s overly interested in *read: addicted to* something you don’t approve of. He loves you, alright, but sometimes he gets absent-minded and silent because he’s thinking about his bike or car or coin collection. [Read: How to deal with an indifferent boyfriend who’s addicted to video games]

#4 He’s the passive-aggressive type. Maybe you’ve been ignoring him, so he’s decided to “teach you a lesson.” That’s what you call passive-aggressive behavior. Assess how you’ve been treating him lately. Maybe you’ve been ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder, too. Maybe you’ve been “not giving a damn” lately, too, because you’re busy. Or maybe he suspects that you’re cheating, but won’t confront you about it, and instead, gives you a cold shoulder until you figure out why he’s acting out.

It’s tiring to be with the passive-aggressive type, but you have to deal with it if you truly love him. Have a talk and ask him if you’ve done something wrong. If he shrugs or gives a quick reply, then yes, for him you’ve done something wrong. It’s frustrating, but with good communication, it can be remedied. [Read: Understanding silent treatment to make it work for you]

#5 You’re a nag. Yes, dear. You could be the reason why he’s indifferent towards you. How can someone be sweet, thoughtful, and caring to someone who nags and whines all the time? That’s just impossible. You might say, “But he’s always known me to be a nag and he’s fine with that!” Well, he was fine at first, but maybe it has grown too tiresome.

Monitor your mouth! Have you been nagging too much lately? If you continue that behavior, you’re simply training him to shut up and stay away. Take note that even if you stop nagging for, say, a week, he will still keep his distance from you. It will take more gentleness and loving acts from you before he will feel comfortable opening up and staying close to you again.

#6 He’s not that into you anymore. Which is pretty normal in long-term relationships. Our interest in our partners intensifies and wanes throughout the years. That’s just how relationships are. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore, though. He just knows you so much, and he’s too familiar with your quirks and routines—to the point that you don’t excite him anymore. It’s possible he bores you to death, too, but you’re just in denial.

If this is the case, you should shake things up! Go on a vacation, try a new sex position, go to a new restaurant, or explore a new hobby. The list is limitless! But nothing beats good communication and the acceptance that, although things may not be as exciting as before, you still cherish each other’s company. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to keep the sexy spark alive]

#7 He loves you, but he’s too preoccupied to be in a relationship. We roll our eyes when we hear celebrities say “I’m still not ready for a relationship. I love being single and I am enjoying my job.” Well, that mindset is actually valid to some people. It could be that your boyfriend loves you with all his heart, but he’s just doing so many life-changing things at the moment, that he doesn’t have the time, energy, and drive to nurture you or your relationship.

In this particular moment of his life, he feels like it is best that there are no “distractions” like your relationship. While this might sound like a BS excuse for breaking up, he might actually love you, but needs your understanding that he can’t give your relationship 100% right now.

The solution? Talk to him about it and give him a deadline. If he wants you enough, he should devote time to you, which means giving you his full attention when you’re together—even if it’s just 15 minutes a day. If you truly love him, you’ll understand and you’ll be patient with him during this phase.

#8 He’s born indifferent. There are just some men who’d rather be in their caves than go out to be with you or anyone else. He just enjoys being with himself. Take it or leave it. At the beginning of your relationship, he was still trying to please you by showering you with attention, but two years into the relationship, he probably just wants to just relax and show his true colors.

This can be traced to his childhood or his personality in general. This is also very unfair for you, because you need quality time. Tell him that, although you respect his space, you should meet halfway by devoting at least 30 minutes every day to quality time. Rest assured: although he prefers doing his own thing, he still loves you dearly. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend’s so mean]

There are so many reasons why your boyfriend could be acting indifferent towards you. Before accusing him of cheating, being unloving, or being selfish, make sure he’s not acting distant just because he’s obsessing over his new bike or Lego tower. Like any problem in any relationship, the best way to deal with this is by having a gentle, grown-up talk and looking at the part you play in your relationship.

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How to Understand and Cope with Relationship Indifference

Feelings of indifference may be a cause for concern in a relationship, but they don’t have to mean it’s the end.

When we think about why a relationship might end, we often think of an explosive fight or a major betrayal. But often the end of a relationship results from something much less dramatic: indifference.

Although it’s common for the fireworks that couples often feel at the beginning of the relationship to fade over time, feelings of indifference may point to some bigger concerns in the relationship.

A 2017 study found that emotional indifference in a relationship is one of the primary reasons couples enter therapy. Although this finding may initially appear hopeful, the truth is that many people who feel indifferent toward their relationship use therapy as a way to end the relationship, not repair it.

Feelings of indifference don’t mean the relationship is inevitably doomed, though. Indifference may just be a phase. However, to move forward, it’s something you and your partner will likely need to work through together.

Indifference in a relationship means no longer caring what your romantic partner does in the relationship. Everything may seem fine on the surface because there are no arguments, but the arguments may have only stopped due to a lack of care.

You may not be fighting, but it’s not because you have nothing to fight about. Instead, it’s because your partner’s words and actions no longer have an effect on you.

You may not even care about earning each other’s trust any longer. The two of you simply coexist.

You may be indifferent toward your relationship if you would describe your behavior as being on autopilot.

The greatest sign of indifference in a relationship is a lack of communication. You may be speaking to one another, but instead of actively engaging in conversation, you keep the conversation surface level and impersonal.

Often, a lack of communication also means a lack of arguing. You may prefer that you and your partner tend not to argue anymore, but this may not necessarily be a good sign

Disagreement or miscommunication is inevitable in a relationship. So, taking the time to air out any concerns you may have is important for progressing the relationship.

If you feel indifferent toward your relationship, you may not be arguing simply because you don’t care enough to work through an issue.

Another less obvious sign of relationship indifference is if you or your partner begin to turn to technology, specifically social media, as an outlet for feeling something. For instance, a 2018 study found that people experiencing romantic disengagement were more likely to develop an overuse of Facebook (what the researchers called “Facebook addiction”).

Overall, the most common signs of indifference in a relationship include:

You and your partner only have surface-level conversations .
Your automatic response to your significant other’s question always seems to be “whatever.”
You don’t think about the relationship almost at all.
You and your partner never fight or argue anymore.
You feel emotionally unaffected by your partners’ words and actions.
You wouldn’t care if your partner were unfaithful.
You’re only still in your relationship because it’s easier than leaving.
You and your partner are rarely or never intimate.
You are more engaged with your online life than with your partner.

Indifference can be one of the most challenging obstacles to overcome because relationships take work, and people who feel indifferent toward their relationship may not be willing to put in much effort.

This work may look like:

communicating your needs to your partner
adapting to your partners’ needs
making compromises for your partner
showing affection
making an effort to spend time with each other
incorporating your lives together

Put simply, a relationship is not really a relationship if either partner is unwilling to put work into the relationship.

Indifference doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship if you don’t want it to be. Maybe you realize that your indifference to the relationship isn’t specifically about the relationship, but instead, you are feeling indifferent in most areas of your life.

It may help to speak with a therapist individually, as a couple, or both. This may allow you to explore the source of your indifference. Talking with a professional might help you better understand your relationship and decide whether you are interested in working out concerns with your partner.

You may also want to speak with your partner directly about what you’re noticing is happening in the relationship. Sometimes a little bit of honest dialogue can help rekindle a spark you thought was out for good.

It helps to remember that you cannot read your partner’s mind, and they may not be as indifferent to the relationship as you are perceiving.

Indifference in a relationship can take many forms, but at the core, it means there is a lack of care and effort for the relationship. All relationships take work, so if the drive to put in that work is no longer there, the relationship likely won’t improve.

Although indifference is challenging to overcome, it doesn’t necessarily mean that breaking up is the only option. It may help to attend couples therapy or to speak with your partner directly about what you are feeling (or not feeling). You never know what can reignite the fire in your relationship.

If you ultimately decide to end your relationship, it may help to speak with a therapist. They can assist you with breaking up in a healthy way. A therapist may also be helpful for working through your emotions after the breakup.

When a man is indifferent to a woman: how to understand it

Does it seem to you that a man behaves strangely and, moreover, is somehow indifferent? Check his attitude towards you by these seven signs.

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He is always busy. He has so many things to do, a lot of work, a session, family difficulties and a thousand more reasons why he cannot meet you today. And tomorrow. And in general in the next couple of weeks. And you patiently wait for it to finally be released.
He doesn't call and rarely answers your messages. You compose an SMS text for half an hour, and he reads it only the next day and is limited to a very restrained answer? There can be two reasons: either he is really busy, or he is still not interested in you. When the situation repeats itself several times, stop writing to him. If a man is not indifferent to a woman, he is in love and wants to continue communication, there will be time for this even in the busiest schedule.
You are just friends. And for quite some time now. He communicates with you in the same way as with his male friends. You hope he's just too shy to make the first move. But remember that friendship does not always grow into love. The best thing to do is to honestly discuss the situation in order to find out everything and not build castles in the air.
He talks about his girls with you. This point follows from the previous one: you are nothing more than a friend for a man, and he considers it absolutely normal to talk to you about his unsuccessful novels and discuss beauties passing by. Most likely, he simply does not see you as a potential lover.
He flirts with others. Maybe you noticed this at a party where you were in the company of mutual friends. Or on his social media page. If a man is not indifferent to a woman and he is in love, all the rest quickly fade into the background. Flirting signals that he feels free and his thoughts are not only occupied with you.
Your dates are monotonous. Indifference can also be in relationships that have already begun. In this case, he may meet with you simply out of boredom, in anticipation of a better option (no matter how insulting it may sound, but it really happens). If all your meetings take place at your home, they are based on sex, he does not try to please you at least with a bouquet of flowers or invite you somewhere for dinner, think about it. Maybe he's just using you as a temporary option and doesn't really have any feelings?
And, finally, the most obvious: despite attempts to attract attention, a man pretends in everything that a woman is indifferent to him. And at the same time, you build illusions and, for your own comfort, want to think that he is just “playing”, although in reality he treats you quite differently. If you feel that only you are taking all the steps towards your relationship, he does not show any initiative and even seems to avoid communication, just forget him. You deserve more! Respect yourself and look around - for sure, another man has already been waiting for you, whom you simply do not notice in an attempt to attract the attention of the first.

A man is not attracted to you: 5 signs of indifference

When we desperately want to believe in something, there is little that can dissuade us, even hard facts. And if you really like a man, you will most likely look for and find excuses for his behavior to the last: the fact that he is silent for a long time in response to your messages, or “disappears from the radar”, or is in no hurry to introduce you to loved ones.

You'll tell yourself that he's too busy, "just can't text right now," and so on and so forth. But there are a few clear signals that your feeling is not mutual.

1. He does not respond to your messages for a long time

“Sorry, I was very busy, I could not answer” - a common, but no less blatant lie. In fact, everything is extremely simple: they don’t answer you regularly, because the person has other priorities.

If a man really wants something - in particular, to communicate with a woman he is interested in, there will be no obstacles in his way. Desire is the best motivator, and if you can’t find a moment at all to reply to a text or call, then this desire is not so great.

2. He does not try to meet you

The same principle applies here as with messages or calls: if you really want to, you can always find time for a meeting, even if it is very short. Agree, this is exactly the case with you: if you have an unbearable desire to see a person, you will put aside all your affairs and find a window even in the busiest schedule.

3. You have to think carefully about what to write to him.

You type a message and immediately delete it without sending it. Slightly change the wording and send to a friend asking if it sounds normal ... Familiar?

At the very beginning of a relationship, this behavior is normal: you are nervous, afraid to show how much you like the person, do not want to be imposed, try to seem light and cheerful. But if you've been talking for a while and still choose your words carefully, chances are something is going wrong.

Ask yourself what makes you do this. Do you feel uncomfortable talking to this person? Do you feel compelled to constantly “go out of your way”? Do you feel like you're not up to his level? Perhaps the whole point is that he does not experience the same enthusiasm as you.

4. He does not introduce you to his friends

Of course, most guys have their own male hangout where women are not allowed to enter, but if you have been talking for quite some time, and he has not introduced you to any of his friends, do not takes with him to birthdays and weddings - most likely, he does not consider your relationship serious.

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