Home » Misc » Am i being cheated on

Am i being cheated on


10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating

Source: YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV/Shutterstock

How do you know if your partner is cheating? Usually, if you’re asking this question, you already suspect that you’re the victim of infidelity, or at the very least that something is amiss in your relationship. The signs of cheating look different in every relationship, of course, but there are some common threads that you can look for. First and foremost, I will tell you this: If your gut tells you that your partner is cheating, it may be right.

That said, you may want to gather other evidence before you confront your significant other about their behavior. Common signs of infidelity that you might want to look for include:

1. Improved appearance.

If your significant other suddenly starts exercising and eating healthier, that could be a sign that they are trying to appear more attractive to someone (possibly you, but possibly an affair partner). If Mr. Sweatpants-Are-Just-Fine-at-a-Party starts wearing slacks with matching socks and a fashionable shirt, or Ms. I-Can’t-Help-It-If-I-Smell-Like-Our-Son’s-Poopy-Diapers suddenly smells like Chanel No. 5, that may indicate an affair. Ditto for a new haircut and new underwear — especially if your significant other looks the same around you, but significantly better for work or certain social events.

2. Secretive phone or computer use.

Cheaters tend to use their phones and computers more frequently than before and to guard them as if their lives depend on it. If your partner’s phone and laptop never required a password before, and now they do, that’s not a good sign. If your partner suddenly starts deleting texts and clearing their browser history on a daily basis, that’s not a good sign. If your partner never relinquishes possession of their phone, even taking it into the bathroom when they shower, that’s not a good sign. If you ask to review your partner’s phone, and they say no, that’s also a problem. Honestly, what could possibly be there — other than information about your surprise birthday — that they would want to keep secret?

3.

Periods where your significant other is unreachable.

If your partner is cheating on you, they are less likely to answer your calls and respond to your texts. You may hear legitimate-sounding excuses like they were in a meeting, they were driving, they were in a “dead zone” and didn’t know you were trying to get in touch. If your partner is unreachable while working late or on a business trip, that’s a bad sign.

4. Significantly less, or more, or different sex in your relationship.

Both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up. Another possible sign of cheating is that the sex you and your partner are having feels less emotionally connected. Yet another possible sign is that your partner is introducing new techniques and activities into your sex life. As much as you might enjoy that, it’s possible that they are learning new tricks outside of your relationship.

5. Your partner is hostile toward you and your relationship.

Cheaters tend to rationalize their behavior (in their own minds). One way they do this is to push the blame onto you. They tell themselves that you don’t look the way you did when they married you, or you’re not adventurous enough in the bedroom, or you don’t appreciate all the wonderful things they do for you, so they deserve to have a little fun elsewhere.

Often, their internal justifications for cheating leak out, and they behave judgmentally toward you and your relationship. If it suddenly seems like nothing you do is right, or that things that used to not bother your partner suddenly do, or as if you’re getting pushed away, that could be a strong indication of cheating.

6. An altered schedule.

When your significant other — who never once worked late — suddenly needs to work late, and that starts to happen more and more frequently, they may be lying. If your spouse has never been away on a business trip and suddenly finds a need to travel for work, that could be a sign that they are having weekend getaways with an affair partner. Flat tires, dead batteries, traffic jams, spending extra time at the gym, and similar excuses for being late or absent altogether might also signal infidelity. A cheating partner might also suddenly be forgetful about picking up the kids, birthdays and other important events, etc.

7. Friends seem uncomfortable around you.

With infidelity, you, the betrayed partner, are nearly always the last person to find out. The cheater’s friends often know about the infidelity right from the start, and your own friends are likely to find out long before you do. This knowledge typically causes these individuals to feel uncomfortable around you. The cheater’s friends might try to avoid you or to be overly nice to you. Your own friends may try to avoid conversations about your relationship, and they might overcompensate by being extra nice.

8. Unexplained expenses.

If there are odd charges on your partner’s credit cards, or there is suddenly less money in your or your partner’s bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, etc. , that’s a possible sign of infidelity. If you ask your partner about these expenses, and their answers seem untrue, it’s likely that they are untrue. Infidelity costs money: gifts, trips, wine and dinners, hotel rooms, etc. The costs of cheating can add up very quickly. If you see large cash withdrawals or evidence of purchases from places you rarely or never frequent, that’s not a good sign.

9. Emotional intimacy has faded.

After a few years, no relationship is as intense as it was in the first few months. That said, we do tend to bond and to securely attach over time, learning to trust one another with our secrets, our desires, and other important aspects of our lives. That process is known as building emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy is what keeps us bonded to our significant other long after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak.

So, if your partner suddenly seems less emotionally vulnerable and intimate with you and does not seem to want you to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate, that’s a strong indication that their focus has shifted — most likely to an affair partner.

Source: Olena Yakobchuk/Shutterstock

10. When you ask about cheating, your partner deflects and avoids.

If your spouse is cheating on you, the absolute last thing in the world that they want to do is talk about it with you. So when you introduce this topic in conversation, they may try to deflect and avoid. In short, your partner will do everything possible to steer you onto another topic, or they will shift blame for what you’re thinking and feeling onto you.

If you’ve confronted your partner about infidelity and been rebuffed, maybe with a message like, “If you trusted me a little more, maybe things would be better between us,” you should not let that override your gut sense that something is wrong in your relationship. Nor should you automatically accept your partner’s assertion that you are at fault. As stated earlier, if your gut tells you that your significant other is cheating on you, you’re probably right.

Please note: Your significant other could display all 10 of these signs and still not be cheating. But these remain indications that something is wrong in their life and/or your relationship. It might not be cheating, but there is almost certainly something that you and your significant other to talk about. At the same time, your mate could be exhibiting none of these 10 signs and still be cheating. Either way, the good news is that learning about infidelity does not automatically signal the end of your relationship. It simply means your partner has a lot of work to do if they want to restore relationship trust, make things right, and re-establish emotional and sexual intimacy.

If you learn that your partner has cheated on you, I strongly suggest that you not sit alone with that information. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting your partner, talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, or a therapist. Just don’t sit there alone with your fears and feelings. Reach out and find empathetic support. For in-depth information about healing after infidelity, I suggest reading Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, and my own book, Out of the Doghouse.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

Subtle Signs of Cheating to Watch Out For

Most of us tend to give our partners the benefit of the doubt as far as fidelity goes. But the truth is, signs of cheating do exist. In fact, according to a 2016 survey, one in four married and cohabiting young adults admitted to cheating, while only half confess.

You probably know the obvious signs of cheating, like lurking on dating sites long after getting into a relationship or always coming home late without a solid excuse. But in order to really ID a cheater, it pays to watch for subtle signs that aren't as overt.

The following indicators aren't meant to be alarmist—almost all of them can have alternate explanations—but if your gut is really trying to tell you something, they could prove useful.

Your relationship started as an affair

For some people, there is some truth to the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater. "  John, 44, says he should've seen it coming when he got into a relationship with a married woman. “We were good in bed together, but she enjoyed being good in bed with others, too, apparently.”

They regularly accuse you of cheating

Beyond being classic projection, this tactic serves two purposes, says Healing Infidelity Coach Caroline Madden, LMFT. It puts you on the defensive so you don't have the chance to consider the opposite possibility, and it makes them look so anti-cheating that they couldn't possibly do it to you. It could also be a genuine reaction to them realizing that since they got away with cheating, you probably could too.

They're taking out a lot of cash

Cheaters often use cash when they take their secret partners out so that their S.O.'s can't track where they've been, says Rhonda Milrad, founder and chief relationship advisor of Relationup. But if you share a financial account, what you can track is a spike in ATM withdrawals.

They've suddenly got new sex moves

Of course, it's possible they've just been doing their research—in which case, great if you're into it—but other signs of cheating combined with a very noticeable change in sex routine could mean they're picking up those new techniques from someone else and discovering new things they like, says Milrad.

They're suddenly hyper-critical of you

Cheaters will sometimes try to justify their actions by making their relationship out to be so bad that they had no choice, explains Madden. She typically sees this happen in situations where the cheater feels they're in love with their cheating partner, since they have a sense that their affair is happier than their relationship. 

Your typical relationship issues seem to  disappear

Madden's clients are often surprised to find their partners are cheating because they thought everything was going well around the time the infidelity started. But sometimes, the reason things are looking up is that the needs that weren't met in the relationship are being met elsewhere.

They're paying more attention to their looks

If your S.O. is once again hitting the gym, buying new underwear, or taking a newfound interest in shopping, they could be in an early stage with someone else, says Madden.

Lessons from the FBI: how to understand that you are being deceived

How to recognize and expose a liar? Proven advice from a former FBI agent: calm down, understand what makes you uncomfortable, and ask a lot of questions

Are you often deceived? Many of us face situations every day when it is not clear whether a person is telling the whole truth, inventing some details, or frankly lying. How to understand it? Do not interfere with the skills of a lie detector. In the end, understanding that something is being hidden from you will save time, money, negative emotions, and in some cases, save a life.

Only a professional can help sort this out, so we turned to Joe Navarro, a former FBI officer with 25 years of experience. As a special agent and head of counterintelligence and counterterrorism, he spearheaded the bureau's elite behavioral analysis unit and wrote the international bestseller I See What You're Thinking.

The X-Files

There is not a single example of specific behavior that indicates deception - the so-called "Pinocchio effect" does not exist (for example, shifty eyes are not always a sign of deception). There are behaviors that indicate psychological discomfort, anxiety, or stress, but these may be due to the setting (testifying), the interlocutor (dislike), or perhaps too intrusive questions. But sometimes it is a sign that a person is lying or has a bad conscience.

In any case, the most we can do is observe the behavior of a person when asked a question.

And if he shows discomfort, you can think about why this happens.

Here are six basic behaviors that indicate the discomfort of the interlocutor and should make you wary.

1. Compress lips

Compressed lips mean that a person experiences negative emotions. We often see this when people testify.

2. Heavily arguing

You ask a question, and the person enters into a heated discussion already at the time of the question or answering it. This is a proven indicator of psychological discomfort.

3. Touching the neck

When we touch the neck, especially the jugular fossa, we are either worried, or nervous, or afraid of something. Men disguise this gesture by touching their tie.

4. Turn away with the whole body

Animal denial is a term I coined. People behave this way when it becomes difficult for them to talk about something or the topic is controversial. This is distance behavior. People will do this discreetly, as if they are just squirming in place, but in fact they are gradually turning away from you, even throwing one leg over the other, creating a kind of barrier, while continuing to look into your eyes. This should be especially noticeable if a person behaves this way immediately after being asked a question.

5. Touching the eyes

Often we touch our eyes when we are asked about something or something bothers us. This action accurately conveys that the issue is complex. You will often see this behavior during board meetings when someone disagrees with the speakers or when what is said is intentionally inaccurate. As I said, the "Pinocchio effect" does not exist, but the aforementioned behavior can often be seen when a person is bothered by something. When I studied the behavior of children born blind, I noticed that they cover their eyes with their hands when they hear something that they do not like.

6. Lower or hide the thumbs

This gesture is usually not noticed. But it is he who most accurately conveys the state of discomfort. When a person begins to lower or hide their thumbs, I read insecurity or a lack of seriousness about the topic of conversation. This is another sign that there is some kind of problem, because, on the one hand, we are persistent in words, but on the other hand, our body says otherwise.

If a person persistently and sincerely tells something, we see his thumbs. For example, wide apart fingers. The greater the distance, the more convincing and accurate is this observation.

Watch speech

In addition to body language, it is also worth analyzing speech features.

Usually we know the personal qualities and behavior of loved ones well, so it is not difficult to replace changes in their behavior and speech. But if you have a stranger or unfamiliar person in front of you, you need to work on his basic behavior, as they do in the FBI.

vrezka

We first calm people down to understand how they behave in normal, minimally stressful situations. So by finding out what their baseline behavior is, we can track changes in behavior in relation to a particular issue.

Some people start talking faster, their voice may become higher, or they start making more mistakes in conversation, forced interjections appear, they start coughing, etc.

Liars want to convince you more than just convey a thought.

Therefore, sometimes they will repeat the same thing several times, just to be believed. Their words become weak at the beginning or end of a statement.

You need to be alert for strategic delays, such as when someone answers a question by beginning with "That's a good question." Such a beginning is used to "forge" the answer. It just so happens that both honest and dishonest people use this tactic, so it does not, by itself, indicate deception. Some people are very careful with their answers, so a lawyer like Bill Clinton will build his sentences very carefully, choosing his words carefully.

That's the question

What questions should be asked to catch a person in a lie?

First of all, based on emotions, for example: "When you found the body, how did you feel?" The liar knows how to lie about how he found the body, but not about the emotions he experienced, so his story will be "mechanical. " After thinking for a bit, he'll say something like, "Well, that was awful." An innocent person himself will tell about the emotions he experienced, and a liar who has just committed a crime is pleased with what he has done, so an emotional conflict will arise in his behavior.

Here's an example of a question that's easier to imagine in a business environment: "When you found mold in a building, how did you feel?"

Is it possible to open the cards and at some point, realizing that questions cause discomfort to a person, say that you doubt him? In no case is this the mistake of inexperienced beginners.

You must never tell people that you are watching them.

You simply change the topic of the conversation, and then return to the question that caused stress, ask it in a different form, and if this time it causes discomfort, you understand that it is not the situation or the person asking the question, but the person himself. question.

The best way to expose a liar is to ask more questions and be specific. If you ask someone if they have a tax liability and they start arguing about it, there is reason to start doubting. The only way to find out is to ask even more specific questions. I would ask: “In the first quarter of 2012, were there any problems related to taxes, with debts on their payments? And in the second quarter?

For some, this method may seem too harsh. Perhaps if you use it too often with the same people, they will pick up on the tactic and learn how to get around tricky questions. And of course, if you're being honest and you're being asked questions like this, the safest course of action is to simply be yourself . I was once stopped by a policeman at the airport, and for a moment I was frightened. And the policeman just wanted to thank me for the books I wrote. It's amazing that a man in uniform could stress even me, a former FBI agent.

How to understand that you are being deceived: 8 sure signs

July 21, 2020 Life

A change in breathing, unnecessary details, unjustified aggression - these and other signals can be used to identify a liar.

Travis Bradbury

Psychologist, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, co-founder of TalentSmart.

People lie. And constantly. There is evidence that 60% of us manage to lie about three times during a 10-minute conversation (and sometimes we don’t even notice it!). Fortunately, most cheaters are easy to spot.

A person lies to you if…

1. Covers the mouth and vulnerable parts of the body

The liar often covers the mouth or simply touches the lips. Such a gesture indicates a subconscious cessation of communication.

The deceiver also instinctively covers vulnerable parts of the body: head, neck, stomach. The reason is that lying makes him prepare to attack.

2. Repeats and gives too many details

The liar hates silence, so he tries to fill every second of the conversation with unnecessary details. With the help of these fictitious details, he tries to convince the interlocutor and himself of the veracity of the story.

A deceiver tends to repeat the same phrases.

So he tries to buy time to collect his thoughts.

3. Preparing to retreat

A lie makes a person subconsciously look for ways to escape. Therefore, deceivers, if they are standing, approach the door, and if they are sitting, they turn to the exit.

If the interlocutor suddenly ceases to be in a relaxed position and becomes more collected, this can also be a sign of a lie. On his part, this is another way to prepare for the retreat.

4. His words and body language do not match

An obvious sign of deception is a contradiction between the person's words and the non-verbal signals they send.

A vivid example: someone tells a tragic and serious story about his life, while smiling and acting quite lively.

5. His breathing changes

The deceiver reflexively begins to breathe heavily, because the heart rate changes because of the lie. Sometimes it is even difficult for a liar to speak, because his mouth dries up - this is another reaction of the body to a lie.

6. Moves eyes atypically

It cannot be said that any one direction of gaze indicates deception. If you know a person well enough, then an unusual eye movement for him may indicate a lie.

However, there is still one universal way to detect a liar by the eyes: if the interlocutor constantly looks at the door, it is possible that he is lying to you.

7. Becomes aggressive

The best defense is an attack. That is why the deceiver is prone to sudden and unreasonable outbursts of rage.

Another aggressive signal he subconsciously sends is a long, unblinking stare.

This is how a liar tries to look more truthful, but instead he inspires horror and at the same time gives himself away.

8. Nervous

Any manifestation of excessive anxiety can signal a lie. This includes fidgeting in a chair, constant touching of the hair, nervous movements of the arms and legs. The last point is especially indicative: if a person moves his legs a lot, then his body is preparing to escape. That is, subconsciously he feels threatened.

Important clarification

Before accusing someone, look at their behavior. If a person constantly sends the signals listed above, it is not at all necessary that you have a pathological liar in front of you. Perhaps he is just naturally fussy or suffers from ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

The situation can also be reversed: someone is lying to you, but does not show the described symptoms. This is how psychopaths can behave because they don't feel guilty or anxious about being deceived.

Learn more