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Women and self worth


Understanding Women & Self Esteem

What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem.

Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to “esteem” ourselves? Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem.

Self esteem comes from the inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she’s fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others. This does not mean she is conceited. She is also aware of areas needing work and growth. But that’s ok because she knows she’s not perfect, and she doesn’t have to be. No one is. She understands that we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from the inside out. But it can be assaulted or stunted from the outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from the culture and/or relationships

The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Starting with the teenage market, women’s magazines program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of the beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it! Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to “repair” our aging bodies, as if the natural process of aging were an accident or a disease.

Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough. How can they? Magazine models are airbrushed to perfection, and anorectic. “Beautiful” movie stars are whipped into perfect shape by personal trainers, and use surgery to create an unnatural cultural ideal. But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then the best an older woman can strive for is looking “good for her age” or worse yet, “well preserved.” Mummies are also dead.

Abusive experiences join with cultural messages to assault female self esteem. Abuse is pervasive and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends the message that the victim is worthless. Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, “his words scarred my soul.” Women whose abuse started as children have the most fragile sense of identity and self worth. Poor self esteem often results in depression and anxiety. Physical health suffers as well. Many times, women with this problem don’t go for regular checkups, exercise, or take personal days because they really don’t think they’re worth the time.

Relationships are impacted as well. Their needs are not met by their partner because they feel like they don’t deserve to have them met, or are uncomfortable asking. Their relationships with their children can suffer if they are unable to discipline effectively, set limits, or demand the respect they deserve. Worse yet, low self-esteem passes from mother to daughter. The mother is modeling what a woman is. She is also modeling, for her sons, what a wife is.

In the workplace, women with low self-esteem tend to be self-deprecating, to minimize their accomplishments, or let others take credit for their work. They never move up. Finally, with friends, they are unable to say no. They end up doing favors they don’t want to do, or have any time for. They end up going where they don’t want to go, with people they don’t want to go with!

A woman with low self-esteem has no control over her life.

But that can change. These women can get help and emotional healing. It is critical to remember that no one deserves to be abused. If something bad has happened to you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chooses to hurt you. If you are presently being abused, you must put yours and yours and your children’s safety first.

You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE for help or more information.

5 Tips for Women to Find Self-Worth — Outreach & Community Engagement

News ·

Blog Post – October 2, 2018

By Taylor Trevizo

In today’s society, women are constantly being subjected to expectations about beauty, relationships, careers and more. It’s hard to find and maintain self-worth when we live in fear of whether we’re meeting societal standards of what it means to be a woman. It can be hard, but in order to find our value and worth as women, we have to look within ourselves, not out at the world.

Self-worth will set rules that tell others how to treat you. It will show others what you see in yourself, and what you expect from them. With self-worth comes confidence, esteem and personal growth. We are often our own worst critic, but by digging a little deeper and following these five tips, you’ll be able to see all the good you bring into the world.

1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never feel worthy if you don’t kick the habit of comparing yourself to others. It’s something we all do and it becomes increasingly easier thanks to social media. We’re exposed to pictures of other people’s lives-their vacations, their clothing, their achievements. It can make us feel like we’re less successful, leaving us wanting something we don’t have.

If this sounds like you, take a break from social media or at least be mindful of when you do this. Remember, we only post our best lives for the world to see. We all experience setbacks, hardships, and low self-esteem. Take the time to think about what you do have and be appreciative for that.

2. Do What Makes You Feel Good.
Society will always tell women that we should wear more or less makeup, be skinnier or curvier, or dress a certain way. Your self-worth is not derived from meeting these standards! And if you live your life trying, you’ll never be fulfilled.

Your self-worth stems from doing what makes you feel good. If that means wearing lipstick, go for it. If it means becoming a CEO, don’t stop until you meet those goals! People will always have an opinion about what you should do. You can’t make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy if you ask yourself what you want.

3. Make Things Happen.
Now that you know what you want, go get it! Things won’t always come easy, but if you try and keep trying, you will make progress. Confidence develops when we overcome challenges. Don’t give up because you failed once. Or twice. Or a hundred times! There is always room for improvement.

4. Don’t Beat Yourself Up.
Negative self-talk will do you no good. Maybe you told yourself you’d go for a run but then got too busy. Maybe you missed a deadline for no reason other than you totally forgot! Guess what? It happens. We are all human. Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t beat yourself up about it. Self-improvement isn’t a once-in-a-lifetime shot. It’s a work in progress, so enjoy the ride.

5. Only You Can Define You.
No matter what you do, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to be you. When we learn how to be ourselves, a new world will open up. Explore new hobbies, interests and possibilities. Welcome trial and error into your life!

Taylor Trevizo
Senior
Professional Writing Major
Intern
Outreach and Community Engagement

 

Filed Under: News

5 Truly Female Ways to Increase Self-Esteem

November 24, 2019Life

There are special ways for women to believe in themselves.

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Lifehacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help improve the opinion of your beloved.

You can not only read this article, but also listen to it. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

1. Stop thinking of yourself as “just a woman”

Society instills in us the idea that women are inconsistent, cannot find themselves, and therefore at work many feel like impostors, claiming to be someone else's earner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to being busy, they cannot devote sufficient time to “truly feminine” affairs: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.

This confusion in social roles, the impossibility of being torn between the diametrically opposite statuses of “a purposeful Amazon” for colleagues and business partners and “affectionate domestic cat” for her husband and children lead to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence, begins to doubt her own abilities .

At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, the woman has many reasons for doubt. But an important nuance is that men have no less such reasons.

There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more than men.

In her column in the popular Psychology Today, Yale University psychology professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, author of Women's Power, cites a study of about 100,000 people. It clearly proved that the self-esteem of girls is not lower than that of young people. Although girls are more preoccupied with their appearance than boys, there is no difference between their degree of self-esteem. Moreover, girls demonstrate higher self-esteem in terms of moral and ethical issues and control over their behavior.

Professor Nolen-Hoksema blames social stereotypes for the fact that some women still consider themselves incapable of competing with men and deserving of something more. Yes, yes, those same ones, about the “weak” field. These ideas, if a woman tries them on herself, can become something like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that you are weak, and all life's difficulties are not caused by a complex of objective reasons, but only by your weakness and worthlessness, then self-esteem can really be shaken.

The conclusion is simple: stop believing in things that make you weaker. First of all, you are a person who has the right to claim success in exactly the same way as everyone else.

2. Take a closer look at what destroys your self-esteem

Everyone has destructive factors. In men, this is, for example, a small stature. Or a small dick. Or the inability to fight back. Or the inability to quickly find the right words. If it seems to you that this does not lower them down the hierarchical ladder in their own eyes, it only seems to you.

Women have their own factors. Here are three of the most common.

Excessive emotionality

Feelings - especially before some important event - are common to both sexes. But if men, as a rule, know how to switch, then women's nerves often get out of control. This is a feature of the female psyche. And this is the case when "forewarned is forearmed".

Take it for granted that before a significant event for you, you are drawn to cheat yourself, to get ahead, and often from scratch. “I sneeze in a dusty room, I sweat during workouts, and before an important meeting I get worried, this is normal, and you can just ignore it,” is an example of a working mantra.

Appearance

This factor is also a given: women worry about their own appearance much more than men. We will not delve into the reasons why ladies are ashamed of their face or body. We only note that it is quite possible to fight this factor. Moreover, there are methods of struggle for every taste.

You can, for example, effectively increase your own attractiveness by playing sports. Or, let's say, imbued with the concept of body positivity - learn to accept and love yourself for who you are. Or it’s banal: contact a stylist, review your wardrobe, sign up for a hairdresser and a beautician and leave all these salons with the girl of your dreams.

Excessive tendency to introspection and analysis of the actions of other people

“Yes, he said that, but he probably meant something completely different!”, “She invited us to dinner, why would she? Probably wants to ask for something", "I'm not sure if this is a good offer ... What if tomorrow I will have other interests?" - every woman noticed such reflections behind her.

In general, there is nothing wrong with them. On the contrary, they speak of a developed emotional intelligence - a high sensitivity to the needs of oneself and others, empathy, the ability to navigate social relationships between people. But there is an important nuance: uncontrolled emotional intelligence can turn into a passion for excessive analysis and reflection, which, as a result, will significantly complicate your life. Luckily, he is quite trainable.

3. Use popular methods to improve self-esteem

Both sexes can effectively use the universal recommendations for developing self-love: you can also concentrate on methods that take into account the physical and psychological characteristics of women.

Find a comfortable way to appear taller

"Looking down" is not just a catchphrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which social relations work: we subconsciously perceive high growth as one of the signs of a leader. Here, for example, you can read a detailed article by the authoritative American edition of Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives through growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to others, your self-esteem rises at the same time.

It is relatively easy for a woman to feel "more majestic" if she wears high-heeled shoes or platform shoes, or at least raises the seat of her office chair to rise above her counterpart during negotiations. Yes, height-enhancing exercises can also have a positive effect.

Watch your posture

A straight back has a powerful effect on behavior and self-perception. The reason is largely physiological: a raised chin and straightened shoulders cause the release of testosterone, a “masculine” hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. In addition, a proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.

Gesture

Confidence is often associated with how much space we occupy in space. Remember wildlife: large dominant animals move sweepingly and imposingly. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesticulation during a conversation helps to expand the place in the space that you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.

If you are not used to gesturing, it is worth practicing in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.

Do not cross your arms over your chest

This closed posture is also a way to appear small and inconspicuous, so a person who has covered himself from the world with his arms is perceived by others as weak. Yes, and he himself begins to feel as such.

If during a conversation you do not know where to put your hands, put them on your sides: put your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open pose that exudes confidence.

Do not be afraid to laugh at your mistakes

Unsure people tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people take responsibility for their decisions, both good and bad. Saying “Yes, I made a mistake here, next time I will have to do it differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is a marker by which others define a psychologically strong person.

Ask yourself the question “So what?”

Often we are afraid of some things that do not really have significant consequences. To sober up yourself at such moments, it is useful to ask the question “So what?”. For example:

  • “I want to voice this, but what if other people don’t support me?” - and what?
  • “I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there…” — so what?
  • "I can forget what to say next during the presentation" - so what?

This simple express introspection allows you to understand that even under the most negative scenario of the development of events, nothing terrible will happen to you. This means you can take action.

Find a role model

Among the people around you, there will certainly be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a look at them. Try to act like them. This is one way to adopt successful life principles and "copy" the desired level of confidence.

4. Do what you love

Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways to boost your self-esteem. The hardest part here is finding a hobby that you really enjoy.

5. Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a kind of passive aggression. Someone says: “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal aloud, and then it sounds: “I can’t, I’m just small and weak.” Not believing in yourself is often just a way to make excuses for your own inaction, to lay responsibility on others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem is cured only by action. Action (even if through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased self-confidence and self-confidence. This is the most effective cure for self-loathing.

Woman's self-esteem and self-confidence

The vast majority of our difficulties and experiences, one way or another, are connected with fluctuations in self-esteem from pride to humiliation, and vice versa. This is especially true of our relationships with men. It's time to break this vicious circle!

First, let's define what is meant by self-esteem. This is the value, the significance that we endow ourselves as a whole and certain aspects of our personality, behavior, activities, in comparison with other people.

A derivative of the concept of self-esteem is self-confidence. Research results show that self-confidence is above all the qualities of a woman, including external ones, that encourage a man to fall in love with her.

Self-confident beauty is even less attractive than self-confident ugliness. If you are confident in yourself, you are beautiful!

George Dewey Cukor, American film director and screenwriter

Self-confidence is considered in psychology as part of positive thinking in relation to oneself and to the surrounding reality. And it involves accepting every moment of life as it is, with its good and bad sides.

Confidence gives us the strength to solve a problem, while uncertainty makes us weak, inept, unable to make decisions and defend our interests, gives us fears and deprives us of love for life.

Self-esteem forms the criteria for expectations and determines our behavior both when meeting a man and in the process of forming relationships. For example, if a woman believes that she cannot arouse the love of a worthy man, she will feel confident only in the company of “worse” men who periodically support her corresponding self-image with their attitude.

Our self-esteem directly affects self-love and vice versa. A woman who does not love herself cannot love a man. She can obey him, care for him, bow down or "wind her nerves", but true love is not familiar to her. After all, love for another person begins with love for yourself, and nothing else.

Low self-esteem affects the inability to say “no”. A woman who fulfills any desire of a partner seeks to please him literally in everything, thus deserving his love. Because deep down she is afraid: if she says “no”, they will stop loving her, and if she agrees, there will simply be nothing to reject her for.

It is known that a person tends to fall in love with those who reinforce his opinion about himself. If, for example, he considers himself a genius, then he can fall in love with someone who will not only support, but also sincerely convince him of this. Even more often, we are attracted to people who increase our self-esteem - seeing us as we would like to be.

By the way, this is why many men, having overcome addiction (alcohol, drugs, etc.), fall in love not with the woman who helped them overcome it, but with the one who did not see them as weak. Moving away from the unpleasant memories of their lives, they try to free themselves from the partner associated with the negative period.

There is an opinion that every man loves when a woman praises him, as if he immediately begins to like her because of this. Often this is true, men love praise. Only now from a woman who appreciates and loves herself, and the compliment sounds worthy. And the praise of a woman with low self-esteem is perceived accordingly - as a petty toady.

Here are some exercises that will help you work on self-esteem and self-confidence.

Self Value Determination

Think and take your time answering the analytical questions: