Do not be a doormat

How can a Christian avoid becoming a doormat for other people?

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A doormat is a rug placed by a doorway on which people wipe off their shoes. Figuratively, the term doormat functions as a descriptor for people who allow themselves to be walked on—taken advantage of or used by others without combating it in any way. Sometime Christians believe that because Jesus taught that we should "turn the other cheek" (Matthew 5:39) and "do good to those who hate you" (Luke 6:27), that He meant we should allow people to mistreat us, but this is not the case. It is a mistake to assume that being a Christian means continually putting up with derogatory or abusive treatment; even Jesus had boundaries.

Jesus didn't want His disciples to be doormats and He doesn't want us to be doormats either. In the above verses, Jesus was teaching His disciples how to respond to personal slights in their everyday lives. As Christians, we are representatives of God, so we need to be an example of His character to the world. This means that when we experience "slaps on the cheek," instead of following the normal human reaction, which would be to respond in retaliation out of anger, we can take the high road and respond in love, choosing to forgive (Proverbs 19:11). Turning the other cheek does not mean letting people walk all over us; it means walking in forgiveness, not being vindictive, but respectful, letting things roll off. This prevents bitterness from growing within our own hearts (Hebrews 12:15).

It can seem selfless and noble when a Christian allows him/herself to become a doormat for others, but there could be a deceptively selfish motivation behind their doing so—one they may not even realize. If people have a low sense of self-worth, they may allow their insecurities to rule their decisions and how they allow others to treat them. Because they are afraid of rejection, they are unable to set up healthy boundaries and they allow their personal selves and spaces to be invaded by others in hopes that they will be loved, appreciated, and taken care of in return. Instead of finding their worth and validation from God, they attempt to be extremely compliant in order earn their validation from fallible people, only to end up disappointed.

Having a strong sense of our identity in Christ helps prevent us from becoming doormats for others; it is important that we understand how valued we are by God. We are created in God's image (Genesis 1:27), and He always wants the best for us (Romans 8:28–39). In Jesus, we are righteous in God's sight, thanks to Jesus' death and resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:21), and because of this we have the right to become children of God (John 1:12; Philippians 2:14–15; Ephesians 5:1). There should be no allowance for one who is a child of the Most High God to be a doormat. We live in Christ and therefore we should follow His example (Galatians 2:20). Jesus served others with willingness, but He also did not allow people to take advantage of Him—He gave to them only from what He was ready to give. Jesus refused to be a doormat and take whatever people threw at Him, whether that be wanting to make Him their king (John 6:15) or throw Him off a cliff (Luke 4:29). Jesus removed Himself from these extreme moments and snuck away from the crowds, many times to spend time with God instead.

Another thing we can do to avoid being a doormat is to establish healthy boundaries within our interpersonal relationships; we need to learn that it is okay to say "no." We cannot have healthy relationships without healthy boundaries. If we cannot say "no," then we also cannot truly say "yes." When we allow ourselves to be a doormat for others, what we are really doing is enabling them to continue in their own irresponsibility or sins. This is selfish on our part, because it stems from our own desire to have others love or need us. Rather than letting them live and hopefully learn from their own experiences, we are compelled to attempt to rescue them from the consequences they deserve. This merely enables them to continue living the same way and doesn't cause them to need us as much as it causes them to use us—both are equally bad. Many times, an inability to say "no" is a sign of a doormat; even God says "no" at times.

There is always an underlying reason (or reasons) behind our fear to say "no" or our seemingly inescapable doormat status. It's an important step for us to be able to identify the source of these fears and issues so that we can begin the process of overcoming them. If a child experiences trauma, for instance—perhaps seeing one of their parents behaving as a doormat—they will learn to do the same. They may become trapped in lies that tell them they have to behave in the same way, being overly submissive and living as a doormat because they don't know any other way. Bible-based Christian counseling can help shed light on the lies and turn things around, helping people who have been living as doormats to rise up in God's power and reject the lies of Satan they have believed as truth. Our minds can be transformed through the truth and power of God (Romans 12:1–2).

Related Truth:

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What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people?

How can a Christian be an ambassador for Christ?

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Truth about the Christian Life

Does Love Mean You Have to Be a Doormat? | Daily Reflection

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:7

At first glance, 1 Corinthians 13:7 seems to suggest that Christians who love might have to be doormats, trampled on by others who wipe their dirty feet on us while we just lie there and take it. If love never gives up, then does that mean I need to forever put up with an abusive parent or spouse? If love never loses faith, then should I always believe that people are going to get better, even when they're doing nothing to improve their character? If love is always hopeful, does that mean every kind of wishful thinking is okay? And if love endures through every circumstance, does that mean I should never protest when I'm the victim of injustice?

"Doormat theology" abounds in some sectors of Christianity. It can appear to be consistent with biblical teaching such as found in 1 Corinthians 13:7, not to mention Jesus' teaching about turning the other cheek (Matt. 5:39). To be sure, Scripture calls us to patient endurance, even to suffering for the sake of Christ. But the Bible does not teach us to be people who simply and silently put up with all forms of abuse and injustice.

For one thing, 1 Corinthians 13:7 is poetry, not prose. This comes across powerfully in the original language, which includes a series of four parallel sentences that could be rendered in English: "[Love] covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." When we read poetry, we don't expect it to be literally true. To provide an obvious example, biblical love would certainly not including believing falsehoods. Believing all things does not mean believing, for example, that God is hate or that Baal is the true God. Rather, believing all things has to do with persistently and consistently trusting that which is true. As the NLT reads, "[Love] never loses faith." So, as we read 1 Corinthians 13:7, we should attend to the evocative and emotional power of the poetry without turning it into unambiguous moral principles.

Moreover, we must always interpret Scripture in light of Scripture. The Apostle Paul, who rhapsodized about love covering, believing, hoping, and enduring all things, was well-known for his patient endurance in service to the Lord. But he certainly did not put up with wrongdoing or poor theology. He did not take a "live and let live" attitude as if this was what love required of him. Rather, he consistently confronted wrong actions and wrong beliefs, standing up for righteousness and truth. This was, in fact, an essential facet of genuine love (13:6). Paul did not, for example, allow his opponents in Corinth to walk all over him. Rather, he penned 2 Corinthians in order to defend both himself and the Gospel of God's grace in Jesus Christ.

Jesus, as you may recall, did not teach his disciples simply to put up with the wrongs done to them by others. Rather, he taught them—and us—to directly confront those who have sinned against us so that there might be reconciliation. (I have written extensively about this teaching in a blog series: What to Do When Someone Sins Against You. )

Christ-like love will indeed call us to be people of endurance, trust, hope, and patience. But it will also fire our passion for God's truth and justice. Even as we put up with people's faults and foibles, and even as we always look for God's presence in their lives, we will not allow them to trample on the image of God in us as if we were helpless doormats. Rather, we will learn how to walk the second mile with people even as we refuse to let them walk all over us.

QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER REFLECTION: How do you understand and apply First Corinthians 13:7 in your life? How can we know when loving someone means putting up with them and when it requires confronting them? Are there relationships in your life that require more patience and endurance? Are there relationships where you need to stand up for truth?

PRAYER: Gracious God, sometimes your Word is so clear we can't miss its meaning. But sometimes we have to grapple with the text in order to understand what you are trying to say to us. 1 Corinthians 13:7 is one of those "grappling" verses.

Teach us, Lord, how to love in a genuine, full, and Christ-like way. Help us to know when we should endure, and when we should stand up for what is right and true. Keep us from being doormats who put up with all measure of injustice and falsehood. Rather, may we be people who know how to imitate the self-giving love of Jesus, who also boldly proclaimed the kingdom, stood up for your righteousness, and taught us to confront those who wrong us.

Today, I pray especially for Christians who have a long history of being "doormats" in relationships. Help them to discover a new way of being, one that continues to turn the other cheek, but one that also reflects your justice and truth. May we help each other to love in ways that are healthy and that reflect the fullness of your revelation.

All praise be to you, God of love, God of truth. Amen.

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Lyrics of the song Vitya AK 47

Well, it started again, flowers, gifts,
Bro, you're under the heel. Bl@ don't croak.
I know people who succumb to love,
Guys can't look at you, that you're toiling..
How can you do it in front of everyone? Bro, you're just a rag.
It seems that he is not a freak and everything is in order with his head,
But at the sight of your bitch you shake all over.
Calm down, only understand that you are the boss here.
Does she need affection? Hmm... give her a treat.
Does she need a story? Well, show her the story.
But don't make such eyes like you're afraid,
All such a musi-pusi, what are you doing?
She has panties, a bra, where are you without them.
Do you watch Dom-2 together? You are just a psycho.
My boys have come. You won't go anywhere.
Well, damn... That's it, go out and say goodbye to everyone.
Yep, ready to fuck up bro's birthday?
Sorry guys my madam is not in a good mood.
It would be better to shoot yourself than to subscribe to such a thing,
They are building you - and you, a fool, are glad to try.
She uses it! The character of a lioness.
God forbid you to marry such a grimza.
Don't smoke, don't drink, in the direction of all friends,
I washed the dishes, put the vacuum cleaner in my hands, hurry up.
What attracts you to her? Firm chest?
Look around. There is someone to touch.
Legs, ass, tan, but look there, pussy.
Why is she not Zhanna Friske?
Well, I got it right again, I love it, but I love it.
I'll smoke you, you'll cut through, what's the point.
And now he dries his teeth, but only let go.
Ride home. After all, a loved one is waiting at home.

Hang out with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together.
Mutish with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together.

What does rap have to do with it? So what's with the smoke?
Well, what does my bet have to do with it?
Yes, I'll leave it for tea myself, my casino,
Which means I bet my ladies on zero.
One, two, three. Victory score.
I give flowers, I'm sorry, come back.
I can't live without you... ahhh...
Wow, what a meanness.
Boy, you deserve a medal.
What courage. What actions.
Give an apartment, a car, a fur coat.
Come on, take me to the registry office. And there are two rings.
There is a mother-in-law. Thought after the wedding smell of sex?
Well, yes. Here's your baby. Here's all the sex for you.
What about love? Does she exist?
Then I like cigarettes more.
Habit, that's what it is.
It's just as bad for someone as this air.
Or useful as this smoke?
Now choose either air or smoke.

You mess with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together.
Mutish with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together.

Your lady is not in a good mood. Need new shoes?
Does a fur coat not fit your nails? Everything is from a camel.
Reading Feng Shui books, trying to surprise her.
Opened a bank account for her. You eat at work.
Yeah. It was firmly tied under her heel.
Forgot about rest: home, work home again.
Your kanek is now neither football, cooking.
Sophia can't cook.
How nice, darling. Cooking food in the evening,
She lies on the couch reading nonsense in a magazine.
Likely split hairs, very pale skin color.
By phone LYALALA. How can you live with her?
Tragedy! Your beloved dog has died...
Pay for the funeral with a memorial service. "You have a sweetheart!"
For me - it's better to hit her with an ax in the head,
And put her in a coffin, along with a dog, right, Lenka?
Bringing flowers to your beloved so that she appreciates?
She's a queen, how beautiful these flowers are.
You're a man dude. Come on, get a grip.
Here, take a parachute, don't care what the mods are up to.

Don't be a rag with a girl.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together.

ADD LYRICS TO PERSONAL LIST

Lyrics and translation of the song AK-47

Well, flowers, gifts have begun again,
Bro, you are under the heel. Fuck don't croak.
I know people who succumb to love,
Guys can't look at you, that you're toiling..
How can you do it in front of everyone? Bro, you're just a rag.
It seems not a freak and everything is in order with the head,
But at the sight of your bitch you shake all over.
Calm down, only understand that you are the boss here.
Does she need affection? Hmm... give her a treat.
Does she need a story? Well, show her the story.
But don't make such eyes like you're afraid,
All such musi-pusi, what are you doing?!
She has panties, a bra, where are you without them.
Do you watch Dom-2 together? You're just crazy!
My boys have come. You won't go anywhere!
Well, damn... That's it, go out and say goodbye to everyone.
Yep, ready to fuck up bro's birthday?
Sorry guys my madam is not in a good mood.
It would be better to shoot yourself than to subscribe to such a thing,
They are building you - and you, a fool, are glad to try!
She uses it! The character of a lioness.
God forbid you to marry such a scoundrel!
Do not smoke, do not drink, in the direction of all friends,
Washed the dishes, pick up a vacuum cleaner, hurry up!
What attracts you to her? Firm chest?
Look around. There is someone to touch.
Legs, ass, tan, but look there, pussy...
Why isn't she Zhanna Friske?
Well, I got it right again, I love it, but I love it...
And now he dries his teeth, but only let go.
Ride home. After all, a loved one is waiting at home!

You mess with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together!!!
Mutish with a girl, don't be a rag.
Like a dog you bring her slippers.
"You have a honey." Are you like a bitch?
Be a man, pull yourself together!!!

Your lady is not in a good mood. Need new shoes?
Does a fur coat not fit your nails? Everything is from a camel.
Reading Feng Shui books, trying to surprise her.

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