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Why you shouldn t marry


7 Reasons to Not Get Married

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By Michele Laufik

Published Jul 31, 2019

Some women dream of their wedding day and others see it as the stuff of nightmares. And while there still remains pressure to “settle down” and get married, couples today are doing their own thing and ditching the traditional route down the aisle. So, if you’re hesitant about marriage and looking for reasons to not get married, you’re not alone.

According to the Pew Research Center, in 2012, one in five adults age 25 and older (at the time, that was about 42 million people) had never been married. Compare that to 1960, when only about one in ten adults of the same age range had never been married.

That rise in never-marrieds is attributed to the fact that folks are getting hitched later in life, and that more couples are cohabiting and raising children outside of marriage. Right now, the median age for first marriages is its highest ever: 30 years old for men and 28 years for women, according to U. S. Census Bureau data taken in 2018. Plus, a recent Urban Institute report predicts that some millennials will remain unmarried past the age of 40.

When millennials (which the Pew Research Center considers ages 21 to 36) were asked why they had not gotten married, 29 percent said they were not financially prepared, while 26 percent said they hadn’t found someone who has the qualities they are looking for, and another 26 percent said they were too young and not ready to settle down.

Whether you’re focusing on your career, building up some financial security or just don’t buy into the idea of marriage, saying “I do” might not be for you. Here are seven valid reasons to never get married:

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1. Living Together Is More Common And Widely Accepted

Today, more and more unmarried couples are living together. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, among Americans ages 18 to 24, cohabitation minus marriage is now more common than living with a spouse, with 9 percent living with an unmarried partner in 2018 as compared to 7 percent who live with a spouse. And of adults ages 25 to 34, 15 percent live with an unmarried partner, up from 12 percent ten years ago.

In 1968, only 0.1 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds and 0.2 percent of 25- to 34-year-olds lived with an unmarried partner. Back in the day, “shacking up” was considered taboo an—dare we say?— “living in sin.” This was reinforced by antiquated notions of premarital sex, like that whole “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” axiom your grandma muttered when you told her you were moving in with your partner. But, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center report, large majorities of Generation Z, millennials, Generation X and baby boomers say that couples living together without being married “doesn’t make a difference for our society.” And about one in five Gen Zers and millennials say cohabitation is a “good thing for society,” which is, not surprisingly, a higher number as compared to older generations.

Ironically, being married and living apart seems to be the new trend. Gwyneth Paltrow recently revealed that she doesn’t live with her new husband, Brad Falchuk, full-time, with both maintaining separate residences. This arrangement simply furthers the argument that marriage (or not marrying) isn’t one size fits all.

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2. Weddings Are Expensive

Even though we’ve seen a movement toward more pared-down, D.I.Y. weddings, the costs can still add up. According to the Knot 2017 Real Weddings Study, “the average cost of a wedding was $33,391, with high spenders—those spending an average of $60,000 or more on their weddings—spending an average of $105,130 on their wedding day.” And that’s not including the honeymoon. The prohibitive costs of tying the knot are part of the reason folks aren’t doing it.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, couples who marry today tend to be more financially stable than those who don’t. For example, 40 percent of married adults (ages 18 to 34) earned $40,000 or more, compared to just 20 percent of unmarried adults in the same age range. A lack of economic security following the Great Recession may have also contributed to more adults cohabiting instead of marrying. Plus, many couples would rather use that wedding money toward a vacation or buying a new home and feel that it’s a waste to spend so much moola on just one day.

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3. Unmarried, Childless Women Are Happier

Recently, Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics, said, while discussing his new book, Happy Ever After, that “if you’re a man, you should probably get married; if you’re a woman, don’t bother.” That’s because, after he examined data from the American Time Use Survey to determine the happiness levels in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed people, Dolan found that unmarried, childless women are the happiest subgroup, adding that they are more likely to live longer than their married and parental peers.

He explained that men benefit from marriage because they “calm down” and “you take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and dies sooner than if she never married.” Gives new meaning to the vow ’til death do us part, huh?

Forgoing marriage because you don’t want to die might be a bit extreme, but when asked about the secrets to living a long life, some of the oldest women in world agreed—stay away from men. Back in 2015, at the age of 109, Jessie Gallan, a Scottish woman, offered her advice to longevity: "Eat your porridge and avoid men. They're just more trouble than they're worth." And Gladys Gough, a British woman who lived to be 104, said, “I never got married or had a boyfriend either. That probably had something to do with it. I just couldn’t be bothered with men.”

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4. Marriage Isn’t (legally) Necessary Anymore

In addition to that thing called love, some couples used to feel the need to get married for legal reasons. But now you don’t have to swap vows to be officially together. Originally created to provide legal and economic protections for same-sex couples, domestic partnership is an option for all couples. As an alternative to a traditional marriage, a domestic partnership is a legally-recognized relationship that offers couples the same or similar benefits as those provided to married couples. Not all states recognize domestic partnerships, and the benefits may vary by state and municipality, but typically a domestic partnership affords couples rights such as being able to add your partner onto your health or dental insurance, to take leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act to care for your partner, as well as authority to visit each other in the hospital and be considered next of kin for medical decisions.

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5. Modern Family Isn’t Just A Tv Show

Families come in all shapes and sizes now, and the notion that marriage and parenthood go hand in hand has become somewhat obsolete, especially for millennials. A 2010 Pew Research survey found that 52 percent of millennials think being a good parent is “one of the most important things” in life, while only 30 percent say the same about having a successful marriage. For comparison, in 1997, 42 percent of Generation Xers said being a good parent was one of the most important things in life, while 35 percent said the same about having a successful marriage.

Plus, the number of children living with an unmarried parent has more than doubled since 1968, jumping from 13 percent to 32 percent in 2017, according to Pew Research Center analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data. This accompanies a decline in the percentage of children living with two married parents, down from 85 percent in 1968 to 65 percent. In total, 24 million children younger than 18 are living with an unmarried parent, with five million of them living with cohabiting (unmarried) parents. While acceptance of unmarried parenthood still remains mixed, a poll by the General Social Survey in 2012 found that 48 percent of adults agreed or strongly agreed that single parents can raise children as well as two married parents.

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6. You’re Afraid Of Getting Divorced

It may seem like a pessimistic reason for never getting married, but being afraid of a potential divorce, along with the legal, financial and emotional stresses involved when dissolving a marriage, is enough for some to say “I don’t. ” “There’s a fear of divorce or a specter of divorce looming large in people’s minds,” Wendy D. Manning, co-director of Bowling Green’s Center for Family and Marriage Research, told The Wall Street Journal. “They don’t want to make a mistake. They’re waiting longer to get married to divorce-proof their marriage.” The center recently conducted research on the country’s divorce rate, which has actually been on the decline. In 2017, the rate had dropped to 16.1 divorces for every 1,000 marriages, the lowest it has been in 40 years. But many believe that’s because couples are delaying marriage, partly because of their fear of divorce.

In a survey of cohabiting couples, ages 18 to 36, in Columbus, Ohio, that was published in 2011 in the Journal of Family Relations, researchers from Cornell and the University of Central Oklahoma found that respondents were concerned about divorce. “About 67 percent said they were worried about the potential social, emotional and economic fallout of splitting up. The researchers suggest that this is one of the reasons the couples had chosen to live together without getting married.”

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7. You Don’t Believe In It

Marriage is mixed up in a lot of historical, economic, religious, societal and cultural norms that simply don’t sit well with some couples. With many viewing marriage as an outdated institution, more and more folks are embracing the idea of happily ever after without the marriage license, and figuring out their own fairy-tale ending.

I Don't Want To Get Married: 13 Valid Reasons + What To Do

More people are saying they never want to get married.

Years ago, getting married and having children was the expectation. But over the last two decades, those expectations have shifted, with fewer and fewer folks considering marriage a necessity. A 2017 report from the Pew Research Center found one in seven people who've never been married before don't want to get married ever, and another 27% of people aren't sure how they feel about marriage. A 2019 Pew report found just 17% of people think marriage is essential for a woman to have a fulfilling life (16% for men), and three in 10 people think being married is simply not important.

One reason for that is the increased acceptance of living with a long-term partner without marriage: 55% of adults ages 18 to 29 think couples are just as well off if they stay together without ever getting married, compared to 45% who think long-term couples ought to get married eventually. And 69% of all adults say cohabitation is just fine with or without plans to get married.

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Reasons some people don't want to get married. 

There are plenty of reasons some people decide they don't want to get married, ranging from past traumas to finances. Whether your partner doesn't want to get married or you're the one with the apprehension about marriage, here are a few good reasons to consider:

1.

You're more focused on your career. 

Some people are generally more career-oriented. Marriage and any long-term committed relationships can take up a lot of time and attention, and some people aren't interested in dividing their energy between work and romance. This isn't to say having a career and getting married are always mutually exclusive endeavors; some people just care more about one than the other. In the past, women and feminine-identified people were expected to get married instead of having a career, so today, some of them may opt for a more career-centric life as a way of directly rejecting those expectations.

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2.

Bad experiences with marriage in the past.

Relationships can be hard work. For some, the lack of success in long-term relationships can make committing to someone for life unappealing. For those who have trouble sustaining healthy relationships, legally binding yourself to another can be scary. Alternatively, some people may have witnessed a lot of failed marriages around them (e.g., having parents with a troubled marriage), making marriage seem less appealing.

3.

Refusal to get married again.

The 2017 Pew report found 45% of people who've been married before never want to get married again. Some research suggests divorce rates for second marriages tend to be higher than for first-time married couples. According to the Gottman Institute, there are many reasons, ranging from potential issues around co-parenting and exes to the baggage and lack of vulnerability one can bring to a new relationship. For all these reasons, some people may choose to not get married again after having experienced one failed marriage in the past. 

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4.

A preference for nonmonogamy.

Marriage is often tied to monogamy, aka a relationship where the expectation—both written and unwritten—is that emotional and physical intimacy is limited to two people. But there is a rise in the acceptance and practice of nonmonogamous relationships, from polyamory to open relationships. The boundaries of these relationships vary depending on the individuals involved, but all include room for consensual engagement in emotional and/sexual involvement with multiple parties. These relationships are focused not always on sex but rather the freedom to give and receive love and emotional energy to more than one person, and this is not reflected in our current understanding of marriage. 

Polygamy (marriage between more than two people) is not legal in the United States, so some people who are in polyamorous relationships or other styles of nonmonogamy may choose to forgo marriage altogether because it doesn't make sense for their relationships.

5.

You view marriage as a patriarchal institution.

The institution of marriage is steeped in heteropatriarchal history, with women considered the property of her father or family to be given away in exchange for resources, alliances, and status. In marriage, women went from being the property of her father to the property of her husband. Even modern marriages have some lingering patriarchal influences, including the traditions of the father giving away the bride, the wife taking the husband's last name, and marriage being treated as a marker of success among women. For some people, this complicated history makes marriage unappealing.

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6.

Marrying your partner is not legal where you live.

Same-sex marriage continues to be illegal in many places across the world. According to Pew, just 30 out of 195 countries have passed laws allowing same-sex marriage. 

"Marriage has often functioned as a way to validate and legitimize one's relationship, and this has often violently come at the expense of excluding groups of people, including queer folkx," psychotherapist Sabrina Sarro, LMSW, tells mbg. While now legal in the United States, this was not the case until 2015, undoubtedly changing the way that some queer people viewed long-term commitment. 

7.

Financial reasons.

Weddings are expensive, and so is divorce. Some people simply cannot afford the great financial risk that's involved in getting married. There are also instances where some do not feel comfortable linking their finances to another individual, potentially due to credit, tax considerations, or other concerns. Social worker and therapist Krystal Kavita Jagoo, MSW, also cites government-sponsored benefits as a strike against marriage for some. For those receiving disability, the individual being "deemed to be a dependent of another" can negatively affect their income. 

8.

Divorce rates.

Additionally, with divorce rates staying steady around 40 to 50%, some folks want the freedom of simply leaving sans the financial implications of a legal divorce. Studies have shown that the working middle class is more concerned about the fiscal impact of a divorce, especially considering the economic state of our country.

9.

You don't need marriage to legitimize your relationship. 

Previously, legal matrimony was seen as the only way to commit your life to another person. Sarro says some couples no longer see the need to have a government's approval for their relationship: "They feel marriage is an institution that often bears no legitimacy on the foundation between them and their partner(s)."

10.

You feel marriage comes with too many rules and expectations.

There are expectations that come with marriage that may push people to not want to get married. There are some antiquated and problematic tropes that come with getting married, akin to your sex life declining or your freedom being limited. Plenty of married couples would argue with this, but considering the popularity of bachelor and bachelorette parties, there's certainly some people that think fun and games are completely over once you say, "I do." Even for those who know that these tropes dramatize marital expectations, being tied to and responsible for another adult for the rest of your life may feel unappealing nonetheless.

11.

You're just not that interested in relationships.

While some value commitment outside of legal matrimony, there are some who simply are uninterested in relationships in general. Some aromantic or asexual people may be inherently uninterested in relationships in general. Other people might simply have the desire to expend energy on other things. Most people who've been in any relationship, healthy or unhealthy, can attest that it's no easy feat. So we should also be able to accept that not everyone values the outcome in the same way!

12.

You enjoy more casual relationships.

Sometimes marriage isn't even on the radar because there's no desire to be in a committed relationship. For some, this is hard to understand. We've been conditioned to believe that there is someone for everyone and that you couldn't possibly be content living into old age without a romantic life partner. We're seeing more of a refusal of this idea, with folks being completely comfortable having a lifetime of solely casual relationships.

13.

You are willing to get married to the right person, but otherwise, it's not a priority.

Some people are open to marriage but don't actively seek it. They may not want to get married in any active way, but that isn't to say that they're actively opposed to marriage. In other words, if they found themselves in a meaningful relationship with someone who wants to get married, they'd be willing to do it. But otherwise, marriage isn't a personal goal or desire of theirs. 

A few considerations:

Some people don't want to get married but do want a long-term committed relationship.

For some people, there's not much difference between a long-term commitment and marriage. The primary difference is the legality. So for some people, whether or not they are bound by law does not determine their dedication to one person or their willingness to put in the effort to make a relationship work. In terms of satisfaction between couples, integral parts of relationships like communication, sex, and work-life balance are very similar between married and unmarried long-term couples. A shining example: Actress Goldie Hawn has been in a long-term relationship with actor Kurt Russell since 1983. Hawn and Russell were both previously married but have not made the decision to "legalize" their commitment in almost 40 years.

Some people avoid marriage because of fear.

Be wary of making decisions about marriage based on fear or family expectations. Everyone has ideologies that are passed down from their families of origin, some based in religion or tradition. Sometimes people are survivors of unhealthy family dynamics, and in an effort to avoid recreating those cycles, they opt to avoid getting married completely.

Jagoo says this is an instance where it's helpful to pause and interrogate one's aversion to marriage. She recommends therapy as a potential way to process these experiences and clarify your real feelings on the matter.

"There can be issues with distorted thinking such as catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking, whereby one is not able to assess their situation as clearly due to belief systems, so therapy may be an opportunity to challenge automatic thoughts toward more balanced thinking based in reality," Jagoo explains. "Generally, therapy can offer a nonjudgmental space whereby folx can reflect on the factors that may have impacted their views for or against getting married, including cultural and family expectations, financial stability, etc."

There can be financial reasons

to get married.

Some people who do not care for the institution of marriage may still find some benefits to getting married anyway, particularly legally and financially. For some, considerations like insurance or tax breaks may sway your decision. "There can be situations where marriage might be helpful and beneficial to the couple," Sarro says. They recommend asking:

  • Why do I want to get married?
  • How will getting married inform my relationship physically, emotionally, and financially? Or will it not?
  • What will getting married bring to the relationship? 

People can change their minds about this.

Some people do change their minds about marriage, and that's OK. There is plenty of time to make decisions about the collective future of a couple. Some people may want to wait until they are settled either financially or emotionally, and others may simply change their minds over time or in specific relationships. People may judge or rush your decision, but no one is required to make a decision before they are ready. Because we are always changing, adapting, and growing, our opinions have the ability to as well. 

How to deal with other people's reactions.

Be honest from the beginning.

While marriage talk may not arise in the very beginnings of a relationship, it is important that you are upfront with your potential partners about your feelings, even if you know they may change. Jagoo says it's important to "communicate that transparently from the beginning and throughout their interaction with potential and current partners to reduce the odds of any misunderstanding for all parties."

Keep lines of communication open.

Remember that you are allowed to change your mind! It's 2020, and many are not only open to not getting married but to nontraditional relationships as well.

Whatever you decide is valid.

"Marriage is not the only option, and it certainly doesn't have to bear so much weight on your relationship! Your relationship is valid and legitimate without the institution of marriage recognizing or acknowledging that," Sarro says. "You do not need to justify or explain your choice or your relationship's choice for not wanting to get married."

It's OK to let people know you don't want to get married. People will always have their opinions, but you can rest assured that your feelings are valid and that you are not obligated to work on anyone else's timeline or definition of commitment.

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nine0002 Today every third man in Russia prefers to remain a bachelor

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Not so long ago, the public discussed the news about the possible marriage of Rodion Gazmanov to Olga Buzova. The rumor ended up being just gossip. Judging by the reaction of Rodion, in the near future he is not going to marry either Buzova or anyone else. The 40-year-old son of a pop star is clearly not ready to part with his bachelor life. And in this he is clearly not alone - there are more and more representatives of the stronger sex who do not want to burden themselves with official relations. Moreover, if earlier, as a rule, funny freaks went to bachelors, today there are many successful, prosperous men among them who are successful with women. nine0022

So why don't they want to associate their lives with these women? Studies show that today every third man in Russia prefers to remain a bachelor. There are several reasons they give for this.

Financial factor

One of the most common excuses of today's bachelors is the lack of funds to support the family. It was before their dads were ready to marry at 20, not worrying about the lack of a stable income or the availability of an apartment. Many men today prefer to first firmly stand on their feet, and only then start a family. Moreover, according to their statements, it is the women themselves who are pushing them to such decisions. nine0003

“After all, the times when you had paradise with your sweetheart and in a hut have already passed. Now the woman is demanding that her husband be able to provide her with everything she needs. So you try to achieve something first, and then start a family. But here’s the garbage - by the time you achieve something, you already get used to your free life so much that you don’t understand why you should marry, ”the Wikipedia forum member shares.

In addition, men who have made a fortune often avoid official ties, so that in the event of a divorce they would not share their wealth with their wife. nine0003

In search of the ideal

Men often explain their protracted bachelorhood by searching for the one who would fully correspond to his ideal. Moreover, for some, this ideal has quite specific outlines - a sweet, affectionate, economic, and even a long-legged beauty. And others cannot even articulate it clearly, limiting themselves only to lamenting that modern women today are not capable of living together.

“A modern woman doesn't need a family,” complains my 47-year-old friend, who has been looking for a life partner for years. “I really want to get married, but so far I haven’t met someone who could make me happy.” nine0003

Mom versus

Mommy's sons often stay single. In fact, these are victims of excessive maternal love, or rather, selfishness.

Mom controls her son all her life and manipulates in order to maintain her influence over him. As a result, he gets used to living according to his mother's orders. The mother perceives the appearance of a girl with her son as an encroachment on her property and tries with all her might to destroy the relationship. Moreover, the mother can even say that she dreams of her son getting married. But subconsciously, she is still not ready to give it to anyone. nine0003

Often such men have such a strong mother's influence that they subconsciously look for a wife who looks like their mother. But such, of course, is not.

Old wounds

Another favorite legend of inveterate bachelors is a mental trauma, because of which he is now afraid of a serious relationship. The legend, as a rule, is the same, with slight variations - a man loves his first love all his life, and did not reciprocate, his beloved once left him without explanation, cheated on him with his best friend, etc. In any case, it is assumed that the man suffered a terrible blow, and the second one simply cannot stand it. nine0003

“In my youth I loved my classmate very much, I just breathed her in, but she left me. Now I'm afraid to trust a woman again. I definitely won’t endure the second such blow, ”one of the bachelors confesses on the forum.

Such men awaken the “savior complex” dormant in the depths of the female soul. A woman is ready to go out of her way to warm the wounded soul of a beloved and make him believe in women again. But, as a rule, to no avail.

Love for freedom

Many "principled" bachelors, according to their confessions, are afraid of the loss of independence.

And the point is not only that marriage presupposes monogamy, for which many members of the stronger sex are not ready. It’s just that official marriage in the minds of many men is a kind of slavery in which the right to one’s own life, one’s own desires is lost, in a word, the right to be oneself.

Family examples of their friends also contribute to this, when a man after the wedding falls under the total control of his wife, who strives to be aware of not only all the movements of her husband, but also his thoughts. nine0003

- You women take full control of everything after marriage. There is such a thing - "get under the skin." So, having got a stamp in your passport, you are not only crawling under the skin of men, you begin to live under it, moreover, on an ongoing basis.

In addition, many men are frightened off by the fact that after marriage, women believe that they can no longer try to please their beloved, and stop taking care of themselves. This concerns not even so much the appearance - this is already an extreme option - as behavior. It is no secret that many yesterday's brides, having acquired the status of a wife, no longer bother themselves with excessive attentiveness, tact and care, turning into grumpy and dissatisfied persons. nine0003

It makes no sense

And, finally, today more and more men sincerely do not understand why they need to get married at all.

“Why? I have an apartment. There is a microwave. The machine cleans itself. And cook soup or iron a shirt - so any lady will consider it an honor. She came - she left. But live together? Not!" - one Internet bachelor argues.

There are more and more men who share this point of view every year. But really, why get married? The days when men sacrificed their bachelor freedom for the opportunity to have sex are long gone. Today, bed comforts outside of marriage will not surprise or frighten anyone. And finding a girlfriend for them is not a problem at all. Divorced and unmarried women are a dime a dozen. nine0003

The family is perceived by such men only as a source of unnecessary problems.

I will never marry you

According to experts, behind all this variety of male excuses, in fact, there are two true reasons for not wanting to marry.

The first is the fear of close relationships, the so-called intimophobia.

“It is formed in childhood, between three and eight years old, when a boy communicates with an impulsive and inconsistent mother,” explains Dmitry Oreshin, a Moscow psychologist. - In most cases, this is a single woman. While mom is in a good mood, the boy bathes in her affection, and as soon as problems arise, she sharply moves away from her son and even breaks down on him. nine0003

Because of this, the boy subconsciously reinforces the idea that close relationships will inevitably turn into pain.

The second reason for a man's unwillingness to become a husband is his infantilism. The man simply does not want to take responsibility and comes up with various excuses.

But if earlier public opinion was still prejudiced against those who did not want to start a family, today it, on the contrary, even encourages them.

It was a problem in Soviet times to get a decent position without a stamp in your passport. Today's bachelors, their status does not interfere with building a career. nine0003

Ads, known to be a powerful way to promote a lifestyle, frantically sing of successful single men. They sip beer, drink coffee, go somewhere by car. Even when meeting a woman - in a coffee shop, for example, a man prefers a cup of coffee to courtship.

Even household appliances that used to be advertised against the background of the family are now offered for singles. So, for example, in one of the commercials, a super-sophisticated stove is advertised. And it is offered not to anyone, but to a single man: “Do you want to surprise your girlfriend?”. nine0003

“Today's social values ​​largely negate family values,” Dmitry Oreshin is convinced. “The constant race to improve the quality of life also leads to the fact that men do not want to take responsibility for the family, children, because this will only complicate life, distract from the cycle of pleasure. ”

Many men begin to perceive women only as a source of convenience or pleasure. Do they marry sources? After all, no one calls a washing machine to the registry office?

... The fashion for bachelorhood is gaining momentum. According to experts, in this situation, in 15 years every second man will be a single man. Although it is possible that over time the situation will still change.

Earlier, the pravda-nn.ru website reported that every third Nizhny Novgorod citizen does not have money for a vacation in 2022.

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Why shouldn't a man get married today? | Man and woman

"Marriage is a family union between a man and a woman, the purpose and result of which is the birth and upbringing of children" . This is how the concept of “marriage, marriage” is interpreted in one of the many reference books. nine0003

Indeed, why should a man and a woman need marriage, “family ties”, if not in order to:

  • give birth and raise children;
  • run a common household;
  • to feel protection and support, to have your own "rear", hearth and home.

(Well, it also happens that marriage is needed in order to leave or stay abroad, the so-called “fictitious marriage.” But this is already from the realm of undoubted anomalies, a deception of the state, which has nothing to do with the true goals of marriage. ) nine0003

What does a woman get in marriage?

First, a greater and better opportunity to realize yourself as a woman and mother. The family hearth, as well as the birth and upbringing of children - who will say that even today, in our material and corporate-scented age, this natural imperative is far from the conscious and subconscious desires and goals of almost every woman who, in one way or another, by nature and upbringing, at different times of his life "will not be averse" to become a wife and mother, to give birth and raise, to put together a cozy family nest? Photo: Depositphotos

00002 construction of housing, training, maintaining a job and wages, etc.

opportunities for which many see marriage with its goals as a new step up. nine0003

Thirdly, the fulfillment of the social request, the so-called. "public duty", when the wife and mother in the eyes of society, as they were taught, fulfill their duty and role, becoming respected and acquiring a higher status, albeit without sparkling medals on the bodice of the dress. A sense of accomplishment increases self-esteem and gives confidence, even if there is a lot of work at home. Photo: Depositphotos

Of the minuses of the “defective position” for women: difficulties associated with pregnancy and childbirth, which fall mainly on her, life and household chores, “education” of unlucky husbands. What women so often talk about when they want to talk about their difficult "defective" share.

What does a man get in marriage?

First of all, for the sake of which he climbs there with his head and piercing horns, like an inexperienced foolish bull: access to frequent and free sex. It is unlikely that any of the experienced and accomplished men will deny that the fiery engine to build some kind of relationship and get married was their desire for frequent and unconditional intimacy with their object of passion. And marriage, marriage was only the first condition for obtaining this intimacy. Well, today it may be the second, the third - but the fact will remain forever a fact: there would be no unsatisfied male libido - there would not be most of the marriages. nine0003

Secondly, a man also gets the opportunity to realize himself, as he was taught for twenty long years of his life, in the spirit of "houses built, trees planted and sons born." A sense of duty and not in vain of a lost upbringing gives its result: a man must start a family, multiply, acquire a household for a growing family - and he does it.

Thirdly, children are also important for a man — the opportunity to continue oneself as heirs on full terms is given to a man almost exclusively only in marriage. nine0003

What else? His hearth, where his wounds are treated, a rookery in the form of a sofa and "tanks", a beloved garage with pieces of iron ... This is also important. Feeling of one's territory and "rear". Photo: Depositphotos

What are the cons? A man today has no rights to his children, the very cornerstone of the building called "marriage", and in case his wife suddenly wants to divorce him, he will have no tools to prevent her from taking her children with her. Everyone knows that our courts are “automatic”, not even interested in the opinions and reasons of a man, at 99% of cases leave the children to the mother.

In addition, in the event of a divorce, common property, movable and immovable, acquired in marriage and not only, is divided “stupidly” in half. In fact, a man who brought his wife to his house and, through negligence, registered her there, immediately loses the rights to half of the house. A man who traveled on shifts or at his place of residence tore his gut in order to provide for his family, and, as a rule, earning more than his wife in almost all cases, is obliged to give half, etc.

Cases when a woman makes and brings in advance a larger contribution, in the form of movable or immovable property, in order to later leave half to her ex, are extremely rare: many of our women do not lose their heads and clearly know what, including, they are getting married and what should be taken from it.

In almost all cases, the material and financial contribution of a man to the common cause of "marriage" is incommensurably greater than that of a woman, because it is generally accepted that a woman's contribution is life and the upbringing of children. But only in the event of a divorce, the children - her contribution, automatically remain with her, and his contribution - movable and immovable property - is always divided in half. nine0139 Photo: Depositphotos

Once again. This discrimination, accepted in society, is important: his contribution - the property he has prepared and earned to a greater extent, while she was taking care of the family and the house, is divided in half, her contribution - the children, always remains with her.

Although the children are, of course, not only “her contribution”, but their common. But then this injustice is even more monstrous, when a man who has invested love, time, money in his children is automatically deprived of them, even without having the right to vote. nine0003

For comparison, until recently, a man who decided to marry and become a husband, the head of the family, received a number of rights to his wife and children. The wife could not leave him of her own free will without providing strong evidence for this, and even more so she could not “automatically” pick up the children - often the children were left with their father. It was impossible to take the children with them and, in addition, half of the house, the household and the cart with the horse, leaving the man without an inheritance and practically ruined. nine0003

Today, de facto, for any serious reason or simply due to a woman's whim, a woman does not need any evidence of her husband's infidelity, the fact that he beats her, she does not provide children. It’s enough just to want to leave, having come up with a couple of reasons for yourself and for society, why society will understand her and condemn him: she drinks, beats and doesn’t ... love. Photo: Depositphotos

Total, in the bottom line for many men, the sediment for the rest of their lives falls: