Why men have sex

Why Do Men Always Want Sex?

Understanding why men always want sex can give you a deeper understanding of the dynamics of your relationship. In this article, we’ll learn why men want sex all the time, signs that we’re frustrated, and what you can do (from a guy’s perspective).

Why Are Men Always Horny

For men, sex isn’t JUST about the physical. It’s connected to so many other aspects in our lives like confidence, self-worth, connection, and validation.

For some, it’s a means to feel valued/validated/needed by their partner.

For others, it’s a means of connection. Sure it might be hidden behind all that machismo, but in most, if not every guy, there’s a need to connect emotionally as well and the physical connection is a means to provide that.

Since sex is rooted in so many aspects of a man’s being, the desire for it seems non-stop.

Learn About The Phoenix

Signs Your Man Is Sexually Frustrated

It’s true, men think with their dicks. And we’re not the most emotionally intelligent either. To be honest, I’m not sure if most men even realize sex is more than just about the physical. But whether it’s realized or not, it can’t be denied otherwise sexual frustration wouldn’t rear its ugly head in all these different ways.

1. Communicating Less

Sex is a means for emotional connection and when there’s little sex, there’s going to be little emotional connection. When we’re not feeling connected, you might find that we are not communicating with you as much, or wondering how your day was…you get the idea.

2. Emotionally Unstable (aka Being A Jerk)

Is the once stable and supportive man…no longer stable and supportive? Mood swings much? If his valleys seem lower than normal, the lack of connection stemming from the lack of sex could be destabilizing his emotional core.

3. He’s Spending More Time On His Hobbies

Do you find that he’s investing more time at the gym? Or golf? With his friends? Work? Not to say he shouldn’t be, but there is a healthy balance and if you feel like he’s not wanting to just be with you, he might not feel as connected with you. The more connected, the more time he’ll want to spend with you.

What You Can Do About His Sexual Frustration

Dealing with sexual frustration is a JOINT RESPONSIBILITY. Men need to be making EVERY effort to meet his partner at their emotional connection points. When that’s happening, then ladies…

1. Although It’s Not Your Priority, It Might Be His

If his priorities were always placed before yours, that would be horrible. Just how you need communication and emotional support, your partner may need sex. Again, not just for the physicality, but because of everything it’s tied to (validation, emotional connection, and more).

2. We Get Tired Too

Your reasons are ALL VALID. It’s when the excuses are consistent that it makes us feel less of a man and not wanted. Imagine everyday for a week, if he were too tired to talk about your horrible day? Or even 6 out of the 7 days he was just not emotionally available to you? It would be a horrible feeling and the same applies here. Consistent excuses communicate a lot.

3. Paradigm Shift

It’s more than just sex for men. It’s really difficult because men and women often approach connecting with each other on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. This is a generalization, but women find connection through quality time, words of affirmation, emotional support. It draws them closer to their man and it culminates to sex. Men on the other hand, often feel the emotional connection through the physical.

I’m not proposing that women just give it up to keep a guy happy. Instead, I’m proposing to see his desire for sex as a desire to be close to you.

Up Next: How Sex Can Strengthen The Relationship

6 Truths About Men and Sex

Source: Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Over my career as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity to sit with thousands of men as they've discussed their sexual feelings, sex lives, and fantasies. Obviously, I don’t know what it feels like to be a man, but I have had the honor of listening to the male perspective on sexual relationships. And while every man is different, of course, there are some common themes:

1. Sex begins in the body.

While women’s desire for sex may be prompted by their mind, memory, or emotional feelings of connection, for men desire is physical. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. It is hard to overestimate the way his body chemistry directs his mind’s psychology toward the sexual.

2. For men, sex is a hunger.

Yes, he wants to be full. But his craving for sex is like a craving for chocolates: Each sexual episode holds the exquisite possibility of a surprise-filled confection — maybe creamy smooth, or buttery rich, perhaps a little raw and bittersweet, or silky sweet. His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised. A day is hardly complete without dessert. Yet, the context of the relationship — for instance, a fight with his wife — can still spoil his appetite.

3. Sex is energy.

Sexuality infuses a man’s intimate relationships with potential and excitement. The hormonal energy gives him the drive and aggression to pursue his life’s purpose and work and to pursue his partner. He pushes through daily monotony, tantalized by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day.

4. Sex is excitement.

It’s life's most thrilling adventure. His body is a great pleasure machine that he’d like to enjoy at full throttle. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms seem to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate his gratification. Every flirtation, smile, innuendo, shapely figure, or sexual image, whether fantasized or real, is a hit on the male brain. His brainwaves spike with elation just at the hint of something or someone reminding him of sex.

5. Sex is the way he gives love.

The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. It’s baffling to men when they are called selfish because of their preference for sexual connection. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover.

6. Sex is love.

Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home. After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing and support. While he may be accused of “only wanting sex,” most men want and feel a much more emotional connection than a simple bodily release. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.

While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability. Ultimately, male sexual drive in a relationship is a gift — it’s another path toward love.

Facebook image: Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Why men love sex - Human psychology

Where there is no spiritual intimacy, there can be no ideal sex.
Richard Bach

Some women are seriously convinced that men are only interested in sex and do not need anything else from women. And so they wonder - why do men love sex? And do they only love sex, or is there something else that attracts them in women? Well, firstly, dear women, men love not only sex, and besides sex, they often need a lot of other things from women, which they also need, and which, by the way, not all women can give a man. Secondly, women also love sex, although not always as much as men, but nevertheless, they need it, which is natural. Moreover, there are women who are simply obsessed with sex, they are able to squeeze all the juice out of a man, satisfying their need for sex. So women are also interested in sex. And thirdly, why not love it - sex, because it is such a pleasure that you can get without negative consequences for yourself if you do it with your loved one? Good sex is good for health. But let's still discuss this issue in more detail and find out why men love to have sex. nine0009

So why does sex attract men, what is so attractive about it? The first thing to say is that sex is pleasure. And sex with the woman you love is a great, incomparable pleasure. You and I also know [should know] that all people seek pleasure and avoid pain, so they love, including sex, and do not like, say, to do hard work. Sex is attractive in itself, as a form of pleasure. And he is attractive, as I said, not only for men, but also for women. Although it is clear that there are many pleasures in life, including non-physical ones. But sex is one of the most basic and accessible types of pleasure for most people. That's why they love him. Let's now think about why sex is a pleasure? More specifically, why did nature make us enjoy sex? Well, after all, we need to multiply, right, in order to continue our kind. Therefore, a man should be attracted to a woman, and a woman to a man. And not just pull to chat about the weather, but for something more - for sex. In other words, people of different sexes must be sexually attracted to each other in order to, pardon the expression, mate and reproduce. After all, it is through sexual intercourse that children are obtained. This means that a person must love the process of reproduction, and in order to love it, he must enjoy it. That is why we enjoy sex. So, for a person, sex can be just a pleasure, but for nature it is a way to multiply us. As you can see, everything is simple and natural. nine0009

Only men, as inseminators, are more concerned about this process itself, that is, having sex, and women, as mothers to a greater extent, also think about caring for their offspring, so they need men not only for sex, but also for relationships . They need a man - who will take care of them and their children, who will provide for his family and protect her from various threats. Men, by virtue of their nature, strive to fertilize as many females as possible in order to make their offspring more numerous. This makes it more likely that it will survive. Rather, men can only think about the pleasure they get from sex with different women, but in the meantime, nature is doing its job. We have simply learned to deceive nature by using contraceptives in order to have fun and not have children. But at the same time, sexual attraction itself is very difficult for us to deceive. Yes, and you don’t need to do this - you just need to take sex and its consequences more seriously. nine0009

It is also important to understand that sex is a need. This is not a game, not an invention of a person, not one of his invented desires, but a natural natural need that must be satisfied in order to feel comfortable, both from a psychological and physical point of view. Whether we like it or not, we need to satisfy our needs, nature calls us to this. Therefore, regardless of our attitude to sex, we will want to do it. After all, we must deal with it, because we must multiply, we must continue our race, like all other living beings on this planet. Therefore, the need for sex is a very strong need. Not as strong, perhaps, as the need for self-preservation, but still very strong. No wonder Freud called the sexual instinct the basic instinct, because he saw what a strong influence it has on a person. So from the point of view of physiology, everything is simple and clear here - our libido [sexual attraction to a person of the opposite sex] is supported by hormones, they make a person want to be sexually active. And this desire is sometimes very strong if a person has not had sex for a long time. Some people are willing to do anything for sex, including violence. So men don't just love sex, they need it. They must satisfy this need of theirs, as, indeed, women do, just as they satisfy their needs for food, drink, sleep, and so on. Well, just as some people love to eat and sleep and love a lot of other things that are related to their basic needs, so some men, like some women, love sex very much, maybe a little more than necessary. There is nothing so terrible in this. Simply, I repeat - you need to have sex wisely, that is, thinking about the consequences. Then there will be no problems with him, or rather, with love for him. nine0009

The next important thing to know is that sex is not only physical, but also emotional pleasure, and even spiritual pleasure when it comes to sex between people who love each other. We usually call this sex - making love. People are drawn to each other not only on a physical level, but also on an emotional and spiritual level. It is true that more often than not, people feel mostly physical attraction to someone of the opposite sex, as the most obvious, but nevertheless, many of us talk about our love for another person because we experience this feeling, and not just about wanting to have sex with him. . And even men, despite their polygamy, still prefer to have sex not just and not only with a sexually attractive woman, but with a woman with whom they have spiritual intimacy. Maybe not everyone wants it, but many do. Or, let's put it better, men can have sex with different women, but they make love only with the woman they love, for whom they experience not only sexual, but also emotional and spiritual attraction. So not only animal instincts guide people, but also more elevated feelings. nine0009

Men also love sex because by nature they are hunters and conquerors who are constantly striving for new victories and new conquests, and hence for new sensations, new emotions. And in order to have sex with a woman, especially with a very beautiful woman, you first need to conquer her, conquer, seduce, captivate, buy, and so on. This is a kind of hunting or even a game in which a woman is a prey, a reward. Or rather, sex with a woman is prey, victory, reward, achievement. And having conquered one woman, a man turns his attention to other women whom he has not yet managed to win, that is, to persuade him to have sex or, as they say, to drag him into bed. Many men like this kind of hunting, for them it is an interesting, exciting, exciting activity. Some men devote themselves entirely to this emotional game. Usually, the more women a man has, the more confident he feels. In addition, a man shows a rather high and long-term sexual activity in relation to each new woman, female [read about the Coolidge Effect] precisely due to the fact that not only from a psychological, but also from a biological point of view, his desire for sex with different women is a natural desire for him. Only now I do not recommend men to justify their infidelity with this desire. Remember that we are not animals, but people who, for their own good, must limit themselves in various desires. nine0009

In part, sex is also a way of socialization. After all, if a man is very successful with the opposite sex, if many women and girls show interest in him, and he has sex with many of them, at least presumably, then this success willy-nilly arouses admiration and envy among other men - they begin to treat such an alpha male more respectfully. That's how people envy big money and power, that's how a lot of women with whom a man has a very close relationship, other men can also envy. And this envy forces them to respect a strong and self-confident man who proves to himself and others that he is a real man, a real male. Sometimes, however, such envy causes a feeling of anger and hatred towards such a man, and even to some attempts on the part of other men to harm him. But there is nothing to be surprised at and there is nothing to be afraid of either - people tend to hate those whom they envy, and most of them always envy someone. Such is our nature. You have to be able to live with this. I believe that envy is a good incentive to strive for more and achieve success in life. The truth in this matter - in the matter of sex, it is better not to deviate from your own life values. For example, being devoted to the woman you love and your family is no less important than collecting women, and from my point of view, much more important. But every man has his own values, his own vision of life, so I will not cultivate my point of view. nine0009

In addition, sex, or rather orgasm, like all other types of pleasure, is in some way a drug, and therefore causes a certain dependence. They want to do it again and again, and over time, they even want to add some variety to their sex life, they want new, unusual sensations. People quickly become addicted to everything that is good, pleasant and very pleasant. Therefore, if a person is used to enjoying sex, then he will strive for it constantly. Many men like to have sex with a woman without any obligations, so to speak, and they also like to experiment in sex. It is understandable, when you do not need to bear any responsibility for anything and for anyone, and you can get pleasure constantly and in large quantities, then you begin to like such a life. But not all men like her, and therefore many of them still prefer to start a family, children, and even remain faithful to their wives. For this, a man and a woman must love each other, and not just want. nine0009

In general, the problem with a man's passion for sex begins when a man is only interested in sex and nothing else. This happens for various reasons. We will talk about them in other articles. In the meantime, keep in mind, dear women, that the more primitive a man is, the less interested he is in life, including in a woman. Let's say, in order to evaluate, not just notice, but evaluate the intellect of a woman, a man himself must be an intellectually developed person. In the same way, in order to be interested in the soul of a woman, a man must adhere to certain values, higher than those values ​​in which a man seeks only to satisfy his base animal needs. If, apart from wine, sex, cigarettes and gambling, a man is no longer interested in anything in life, do not expect him to understand your inner world, to see you as something more than just a female. You know that there are people, in our case, men, who simply trample the beads with their feet, so throwing it in front of them is pointless. nine0009

More problems with men, or rather, with their love for sex, arise in women when a man loves sex with different women, and not only, and sometimes not so much with his beloved wife, and much less often problems arise when a man loves perverted sex, which is simply unacceptable for a woman. These problems can be solved if the man himself recognizes them and wants to change his attitude towards sex. Here, as with any other kind of pleasure, as with any other habit and addiction, you need to fight. There is nothing wrong with sex itself and never has been, so you can both love it and just be neutral about it, as if it were a very ordinary need, like, say, a need for food that just needs to be satisfied. It is bad when love for sex takes on such forms in which this love causes problems for both a woman and a man. And when a person has problems on sexual grounds, this is also not good, not good at all. But there is nothing wrong with these problems. All of them are solved in my subsequent articles, I will talk about these problems and how they can be dealt with. nine0009

10 real reasons why men and women have sex

Men and women have different motivations for having sex, according to experts from the British project Illicit Encounters. A new study on this topic lists ten real reasons that affect the representatives of the strong and beautiful halves of humanity.

Frame © "Basic Instinct". Director Paul Verhoeven, writer Joe Esterhaz / Kinopoisk

For example, most women say that their number one goal is to feel happy. The second main reason for women is called emotional intimacy with a partner. In addition, sex helps girls cope with stress and maintain vitality. nine0009

What does sex give women?

  1. Makes you happy - 72%.
  2. Brings you closer to your partner — 68%.
  3. Distracts from problems - 64%.
  4. Helps to be in good shape - 62%.
  5. Entertains - 61%.
  6. Is a source of thrill - 59%.
  7. Improves mood - 58%.
  8. Helps to escape from the routine - 54%.
  9. Improves sleep - 52%.
  10. Burns calories - 48%.

Photo © Freepik / gpointstudio

For men, sex is, first of all, the best entertainment that you don't have to pay for. 74% of the guys answered that without regular sexual intercourse, their mood worsens. 68% of respondents called sex the only worthy alternative to watching a match of their favorite sports team.

What gives men sex?

  1. Entertains for free - 82%.
  2. Removes the feeling of dissatisfaction - 74%.
  3. Replaces watching sports programs - 68%. nine0042
  4. Replaces going to the gym — 64%.
  5. Gives a feeling of novelty when changing partners — 62%.
  6. Improves relations with a partner - 59%.
  7. Improves sleep - 57%.
  8. Improves well-being - 54%.
  9. Reduces stress from work - 48%.
  10. Gives a positive attitude - 42%.

Photo © Freepik / gpointstudio

For men, sex is more important in terms of physical sensations, while women are more interested in the emotional side of the issue, sexologists concluded.

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