Why do husbands cheat

12 Reasons Why Happily Married Men Cheat

In This Article

Infidelity is always a terrible thing to have to go through in a relationship. It’s also more commonly done by men than women. The Institute for Family Studies (IFS) reported from the recent General Social Survey that 20% of men cheat on their spouses compared to 13% of women. 

The heartbreak and frustration it causes can be very damaging and you’re often left wondering how a once happy affair went wrong. This article can help explain why do happily married men cheat.

12 reasons why do happily married men cheat

Why would a happily married man cheat? It’s a question that has no clear answer to it but, as a rule, men rarely cheat because they’re unhappy. There’s a variety of reasons why a man would cheat, and it’s not always the same for everyone. So, we’ve compiled the top reasons why a happy husband would resort to infidelity.

1. Lack of needs being met

What usually causes problems in marriage is when a person’s needs in a relationship aren’t being fully met. They could be overall happy with their partner but still feel a sense of dissatisfaction. They are unable to fully resolve this and have their needs met in a healthy manner, so they decide to look for it in someone else.

2. Poor personal boundaries

Do happily married men cheat? Sometimes, not of their own volition. Not having any limits in relationships or with other people regarding what behavior would be acceptable or unacceptable may increase the chances of men being involved in affairs. 

If he’s someone who’s overly compliant and has difficulty saying ‘no,’ he might find himself in an affair even if he may not have wanted one in the first place. 

Related Reading: 10 Personal Boundaries You Need in Your Relationship

3. Insecurities

Everyone has insecurities but sometimes how we handle them may not be as healthy as we would like. Your husband could be a great spouse and a great father to your kids and because of that he could be under a lot of pressure to keep your family happy.

They’re unable to talk about these insecurities and address them in a way that’s healthy, so they look for ways to have it resolved in secret through an affair.

Related Reading: 16 Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

4. Wanting self-exploration

A married man cheating on his wife is also usually someone who feels stifled in their ability to express themselves in their relationship. For them, infidelity is a chance to explore parts of themselves that they never got to experience or have repressed a long time ago. 

It’s also not a case of wanting to change who they are, fundamentally, as a person. It’s more so them wanting to feel free and unburdened long enough to feel like they’re growing and experiencing life. In cases like these, they’re not looking for another person in their life. Instead, as cheesy as it may sound, they’re searching for themselves.

Related Reading: 5 Ways Being Self-Aware Can Help Improve a Relationship

5. The allure of doing what they shouldn’t

Why do men have affairs? Sometimes, it’s simply because they know they shouldn’t that tempts them to do exactly the opposite. It’s the allure of the ‘forbidden fruit.’ 

Therapist Esther Perel once said that affairs are rarely about attraction and sex, it’s more about the thrill and the desire of getting what we’re not supposed to have.

6. Wanting to feel less dependent and vulnerable

It may be surprising, but emotions do play a part in a man’s infidelity. This is also related to the insecurities your husband might have. For the most part, men find it hard to truly express their emotions and be vulnerable, even to themselves. 

It’s why marriage becomes scary because it’s all about being vulnerable and dependent on one person. To feel less vulnerable, he’ll often resort to having an affair as a way of spreading out the intimate details of himself and not feeling completely emotionally dependent on one person.

Check out the importance of vulnerability in the relationships:

7. Instant self-gratification

Does a happy man cheat? Yes, he most certainly does but not because of a lack of satisfaction. Most of the time, it’s tied with their ego.

As most people have figured out, selfishness is often the driving factor for men to have an affair. He may be happily married but cheating on his wife because of that need for instant satisfaction that his wife might not be able to give him at that exact moment.

Related Reading: Unlocking the Secrets to Marriage Satisfaction

8. Thinking they can get away with it

A lot of men cheat because they think they can get away with it. They justify it by telling themselves that they’re a good guy, a good husband, and a good father so the cheating shouldn’t be a big deal.  

They fail to understand that their wives don’t really see it that way and thus fail to realize the devastation their infidelity brings.

9. Immaturity

This is often one of the leading reasons men cheat. When someone lacks experience and lacks the maturity needed to work through the core aspects of a relationship, it can often lead to them thinking there is room for fluidity in their faithfulness and loyalty to their wives. 

They’ll then come up with a lot of justifications for their actions that are often masked in denial. They lack the emotional maturity to realize that their actions have consequences.

Related Reading: 10 Signs of Emotional Immaturity and Ways to Deal With It

10. Novelty of the experience

It’s a common thing to wonder why happily married man has an affair, and a lot of the time, the answer to that question is the adventure and thrill of going behind your wife’s back. 

Being in an established relationship means the comfort of reliability and routine, and some men are happy with that. But then, eventually, they’ll crave the excitement that being in an affair brings.

11. The crime of opportunity

Even someone in a strong and happy marriage can end up becoming vulnerable when an opportunity arises. This is usually the case when a husband cheats on his wife with someone he’s known, like a colleague he finds attractive, instead of a complete stranger. 

They often justify it by saying that the opportunity was right there and they felt like they couldn’t just let it pass them. 

12. Body image

Sometimes, cheating is a way for men to prove to themselves that they ‘still have it.’ It’s directly tied to selfishness and wanting their ego to be stroked.

By being involved in an affair with someone else, it makes them feel good knowing that, even outside of marriage, they are still desirable and attractive to other people. 

Can a cheating husband still love his wife?

It’s very common to hear men who have cheated on their wives claim to still love them. Other people may see it as genuine, yet other people might see it as just a way to appease their wives and not get into further trouble.

This question of whether an unfaithful husband can still love his wife is complicated and doesn’t really have a clear-cut answer. Love is a complicated emotion in the first place, and infidelity isn’t always as straightforward as most people think it is. 

Why do men have affairs if they are happily married? As mentioned in the previous section, there are a variety of reasons that compel men to cheat and not all of them indicate the man falling out of love with his wife.

Having intimate and sexual connections with others is usually why married men cheat. They see their affairs as something that doesn’t need any deep emotional bond. This means that there’s no real romantic connection between them. 

It may not necessarily mean that he’s stopped loving his wife, but it does signify that he failed to respect and honor her the way he should have.

Why do married men cheat yet still stay with their wives?

There are a few reasons why men who have affairs still choose to stay with their wives:

There have been cases of men still being in love with their wives despite being unfaithful to them. They cheat because they crave the excitement or have deep desires that aren’t being met and may be too ashamed to ask their wives for what they need. 

Married men who cheat fear that if they leave their wives to pursue their affair, or if their wives find out about the affair, then divorce is the likely choice she’s going to make. 

The financial implications and the stress going through a divorce brings are things they do not want to deal with, so they choose to stay married instead of admitting their infidelity.

Despite the selfishness that having a relationship on the side exhibits, a lot of men still care about how their wives would feel about their infidelity. The same can’t be said for those who lack emotional maturity, but most men choose to stay with their wives because would rather not cause them any unnecessary pain.

How does couples’ counseling help deal with infidelity?

No matter what the reason may be, cheating is still wrong and can cause great pain to the other party. It leaves you frustrated and wondering why do guys cheat when they are happy. 

Trying to come to terms with it can lead to a lot of emotional distress, both for the couple and the therapist they choose to go to after the affair.

But the role of a couples’ therapist is crucial in order to properly guide the husband and the wife through this overwhelming crisis. The American Psychological Association has reported that using EFT or Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples counseling has a 75 percent chance of success.

Even couples who were perfectly happy and in sync with one another need an expert to guide them through the amount of betrayal, mistrust, and hurt that came out of the affair. It’s important to properly navigate through them in order to have a chance at rebuilding the relationship if they both want to, and healing from it.  

Therapists do not only have to figure out the root cause of the issue and its treatment but they have to find a way to provide the necessary tools needed to rebuild that trust and confidence and create an environment where the clients can properly work through their issues.

Wrapping up

Now, you’re no longer left wondering, ‘Why do happily married husbands cheat on their wives?’ Knowing and having an idea of the root cause of the issue is a step towards acceptance and healing from it. 

Having this information also means that you can do what you can to save your marriage while you still can. Of course, you can’t exactly guarantee your husband’s faithfulness because, at the end of the day, it still boils down to the choices he makes. 

But there’s no harm in trying to cultivate a much deeper bond with him, whether it’s through your physical or emotional connections. If a man knows that what you can offer him in your relationship is something he can’t get from anyone else, then he’s less likely to cheat.  

In cases where he does end up cheating, couples counseling is an effective way to work through any issues both of you have that could be the cause of his infidelity. At the same time, you won’t have to deal with your emotional distress on your own because you’ll be able to talk about it with a professional. 

Whatever the reason for the affair, the heartbreak it causes is just as devastating. The pieces of advice shared in this article help provide an insight into how the mind of a cheating husband works and hopefully give you an idea of the things you can do to prevent any infidelity from happening.  

30 Reasons Why Men Cheat

In This Article

Cheating is when one partner betrays the other partner’s trust and breaks the promise of maintaining emotional and sexual exclusivity with them.

Being cheated by someone you love very dearly can be devastating. People who get cheated on suffer enormously.

Can you imagine how it must feel when a person gets cheated and lied to by their partner, with whom they had dreamt of spending their entire lifetime?

They feel enraged, disappointed, and broken. The first thing that comes to their mind when they get cheated is, “Why did this happen? What made their partners cheat?”

How common is cheating?

Though both men and women cheat, statistics reveal that more men than women have confessed to having affairs after marriage. So, what percentage of people cheat?

If you ask what percentage of men cheat and what percentage of women cheat, it’s not surprising that men are 7 percent more likely to cheat than women are.

What are the signs of a man who is cheating?

Any mistake is not too big to be not forgiven in a relationship, but infidelity taints a relationship. It can scar the victim for life.

Although infidelity is not restricted to a particular gender, this section intends to focus on the signs of a cheating man.

If you have friends who have reported about your partner with someone you have no idea about, it could be one of the signs of a cheating man. However, it is important to confront your partner and know the whole truth before arriving at any conclusion.

Related Reading: The Importance of Friends After Marriage

When a man cheats, he says something, and the actions don’t add up to it, and this can be alarming. You could also notice a change in routines. Once he begins lying, it’s hard to keep up with the act.

If he is quick to get irritated and he is getting irritated a lot, this is only because he is losing his patience for you and could be finding interest in someone else. This also affects the efforts he puts into the relationship.

Also Try: Do I Have Anger Issues Quiz

Your man doesn’t communicate as much as he used to, which is a glaring sign of him losing interest in you. On the one hand, it could be stress or worry, but on the other hand, the guilty reason could be that he is scared to confront you.

Related Reading: Top 10 Causes of Relationship Communication Problems

Considering men who have affairs have a lot of fishy things going on in his life, they have little to disclose because they know the more they speak, the more they will be trapped in their web of lies. So, rather than fabricating stories, they prefer to stay silent.

Related Reading: Your Physical Relationship Doesn’t End at Your Bedroom Door

Do all men cheat?

So, what could be the top reasons why do people cheat in relationships? Why do people cheat on people they love? Can men be faithful?

There could be a lot of reasons why men cheat, depending on their circumstances, their intent, their sexual preferences, and many more.

If you are a victim who is contemplating reasons for infidelity in marriage, you could be perturbed and can have thoughts like, do all men cheat? Or do most men cheat?

It would be really unfair to label only men as cheaters. It’s not just men, but every human being has a strong desire for self-gratification.

But, if this need for self-gratification exceeds the love and intimacy a person is getting from a relationship, it can lead to infidelity.

The statistics confirm that men are more likely to cheat than women, but it’s far from revealing that all men cheat.

30 reasons why men cheat in relationships

Women might find themselves tormented by the questions, “Why does this happen? Why do married men cheat?”, “Why is he cheating?”

It is not just about fleeting flings. Many times, women find their husbands carrying on with long-standing affairs and wonder about reasons for cheating and seeking attention outside of marriage. “Why do people cheat in relationships?” 

To their relief, 30 relationship experts answer this question below to help you understand reasons why guys cheat:

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1. Men cheat due to lack of maturity

“Males, in general, will have a myriad of reasons why they engage in extramarital affairs. From my clinical experience, I have noticed a common theme of emotional immaturity with those that act on the emotional and physical aspects of cheating.

Lacking the maturity to invest the time, commitment, and energy to work through core issues within their marital relationship is why men cheat. Well, at least some of them. Instead, these men often choose to engage in activities that are harmful to both their significant others, families, and themselves.  

The scorching repercussions that often come with the aftermath of cheating in a relationship are not considered until after the fact.

Cheating men have a visible proclivity to be reckless. It would be helpful for men that are contemplating cheating to think long and hard if the affair is worth hurting or possibly losing the ones that they proclaim to love most. 

Is your relationship really worth gambling with?” Dr. Tequilla Hill Hales Psychologist

Related Reading: 15 Ways on How to Be Mature in a Relationship

2. Men cheat when they are made to feel inadequate

“Why do men cheat? A gnawing feeling of Inadequacy is a major prelude to an urge to cheat. Men (and women) indulge in cheating when they feel inadequate.

Men who cheat repeatedly are those who are repeatedly made to feel like they are less than. They seek to find someone that makes them feel like a priority.

In essence, they try to fill the void that their partner used to occupy. Seeking attention outside a relationship is a sign that they were made to feel inadequate by their partners.

Looking for attention outside of a relationship is a prominent sign of an emerging betrayal in a relationship and the reason why men cheat.” Danielle Adinolfi Sex Therapist

3. Men feel ashamed about their desire for pleasure

“Why do good husbands have affairs? The answer is – Shame. 

Why men have emotional affairs and not just physical is because of shame, this is why people cheat.

I know that sounds ironic and like a cart-horse dilemma since many people become ashamed after getting caught cheating. But cheating behaviors are very often triggered by shame.   

I hate to be reductive and categorical, but what many men who have cheated have in common–both gay and straight–is some degree of shame about their desires for pleasure. 

A cheating man is often someone plagued by a strong but hidden sense of shame about his sexual desires.

Many of them love and are deeply devoted to their partners, but over time they develop an intense fear of their desires being rejected.  

The closer any of us gets to someone we love, the more familiar and familial the bond becomes, and therefore the more difficult it is to seek pleasure as individuals–especially when it comes to sex and romance–without potentially hurting the other person in some way, and feeling shame as a result.  

Rather than risk the shame of exposing their desires and getting rejected, many men decide to have it both ways: a safe, secure, and loving relationship at home; and an exciting, liberating, sexual relationship elsewhere. This is the answer to the question, “why do men cheat. ” 

As a therapist, I help people navigate the challenging task of negotiating sexual needs with their partners rather than resort to cheating or unnecessary breakups.  In many cases, couples decide to stay together as a result.  

In some cases, frank and transparent dialogue about conflicting desires may lead to necessary separation.  

But openly negotiating sexual needs is better for everyone involved than deceiving your partner and breaking the mutually recognized rules of the relationship.” Mark O’Connell  Psychotherapist

Also Try: What Is Your Darkest Sexual Fantasy Quiz

4. Men sometimes have an intimacy disorder

“What to look out for in men cheating? Any signs of your man grappling with intimacy issues could be a red flag.

Men cheat because they have an intimacy disorder, whether they commit online cheating or in person.

They likely don’t know how to ask for intimacy (not JUST sex), or if they do ask, they don’t know how to do it in such a way that connects with the woman, which answers why do men lie and cheat.

So, the man then looks for a cheap substitute to soothe his needs and desires for intimacy.” Greg Griffin Pastoral Counselor

5. Men cheat because they choose to

Nothing “makes” men cheat on their partners, men cheat because they choose to.

Cheating is a choice. He will either choose to do it or choose not to.

Cheating is the manifestation of unresolved issues not dealt with, a void that is unfulfilled, and the inability to fully commit to the relationship and his partner.

Husband cheating on wife is not something that happens. It is a choice that the husband has made. There is no justified explanation for why men cheat. Dr. Lawanda N. Evans Counselor

6. Men cheat due to selfishness

“On the surface, there are many reasons why men cheat.  

Such as: “Grass is greener,” feeling desired, the thrill of the conquest, feeling trapped, unhappiness, etc.  Underneath all those reasons and others, it is pretty simple, selfishness. - the selfishness that hampers commitment, the integrity of character, and honoring another above self.” Sean Sears Pastoral Counselor

Related Reading: 20 Signs You Are Being Selfish in a Relationship

7. Men cheat due to lack of appreciation

“While there are numerous stated reasons, one theme that runs through them for men is the lack of appreciation and attention.

Many men feel they work hard for their families. They internalize their emotions, and can feel they have been doing much and not receiving enough in return. This explains why men cheat.

The affair offers the opportunity to receive admiration, approval, new attention, seeing themselves anew in someone else’s eyes.” Robert Taibbi Clinical social worker

8. Men seek love and attention

“There are a few reasons why do men cheat, but the one that sticks out for me is, men like attentiveness. In relationships, cheating rears its ugly head when there is a lack of feeling loved and appreciated. 

Oftentimes, especially in our fast-paced rush, rush rush, society, couples get so busy that they forget to care for each other.

Conversations become centered on logistics, “who’s picking up the kids today,” “Don’t forget to sign the papers for the bank,” etc. Men, like the rest of us, seek love and attention.

If they feel ignored, bullied, or nagged at constantly, they will seek someone out who listens, stops and compliments them, and makes them feel good, as opposed to what they felt like with their own partner, a failure. 

Men and emotional affairs go hand in hand when there is a lack of attention from the spouse. 

Emotionally cheating on your partner is, nonetheless, a form of cheating.” Dana Julian Sex Therapist

9. Men need their ego stroked

“The one most common reason is personal insecurity that creates a huge need to have their ego stroked.

Any new “conquest” gives them the illusion that they are the most wonderful, which is why men have affairs.

But because it’s based on external validation, the moment the new conquest complains about anything, the doubts are back with a vengeance, and he needs to look for a new conquest. This is why men cheat.

On the exterior, he looks secure and even arrogant. But it’s insecurity that drives him.” Ada Gonzalez Family Therapist

Related Reading: 10 Signs of Ego in Relationship and What to Do

10. Men become disillusioned with their marriage

“Often men cheat on their wives because they have become disillusioned with their marriage.  

They thought that once they were married, life would be great.  They would be together with their spouse and be able to talk all they wanted and have sex when they wanted, and live in an unencumbered world together.  

However, they begin to do life together with work, financial responsibilities, and having children.   All of a sudden, the pleasure is gone.  

It appears that everything is about work and taking care of other people and their needs.  What about “my needs!”  This is why married men cheat. Men become jealous of those little ones in the house who are consuming all of their spouse’s time and energy.  

She doesn’t seem to want or desire him anymore.  All she does is take care of the kids, running everywhere with them and not paying attention to him. 

It is because they begin to look elsewhere for that person who will give them what they need, both – attentiveness and sexual admiration. They are under the assumption that another person can and will meet their needs and make them happy.  

They believe that it is not up to them but up to someone else to make them feel loved and wanted.  After all, “they deserve to be happy!” Debbie Mcfadden Counselor

11. Men cheat if they have a sexual addiction

“There are numerous reasons why men commit infidelity. One trend we have witnessed over the past 20 years has been an increase in the number of men who have been diagnosed with sexual addiction.

These individuals misuse sex to distract themselves from emotional distress that often is the result of past trauma or neglect.

They struggle to feel affirmed or desired, and this is the explanation for why do men cheat.

They often have feelings of weakness and inferiority, and nearly all of them struggle with the ability to emotionally bond with others.

Their inappropriate actions are driven by impulse and the inability to compartmentalize their behaviors.

Men who undergo counseling for sexual addiction learn why they abuse sex – including cheating – and with that insight can deal with past traumas and learn to emotionally connect with their spouse in a healthy way, therefore significantly reducing the likelihood of future infidelity.” Eddie Capparucci Counselor

Also Try: Quiz: Am I a Sex Addict?


Men desire adventure

“Why do people cheat on people they love?

For the desire for adventure and thrill, risk-taking, excitement seeking.

When husbands cheat, they escape from the routine and blandness of everyday life; the life between work, commute, boring weekends with kids, in front of the TV set, or computer.

The way out from responsibilities, duties, and the specific role they have been given or adopted for themselves. This answers why do men cheat.” Eva Sadowski Counselor

13. Men cheat for various reasons

First, we have to recognize that there is a difference between why do men cheat:

  • Variety
  • Boredom
  • The thrill of the hunt/danger of an affair
  • Some men have no idea why they are compelled to do it
  • No moral code for marriage
  • Inner drive/need for attention (need for attention exceeds normalcy)

The reasons men give for why husbands cheat will help you understand men’s views on affairs:

  • Their partner has a low sex drive/is not interested in sex
  • The marriage is collapsing
  • Unhappy with their partner
  • Their partner isn’t who they used to be
  • She gained weight
  • Wife nags too much is trying to change him or is a “ball-buster”
  • Better sex with someone who understands them better
  • The chemistry is gone
  • From an evolutionary perspective– they weren’t designed to be monogamous
  • It’s just skin on skin– just sex, baby
  • Because they feel entitled/they can

At the end of the day, however, even if their spouse is intolerable at many levels, there are much better ways to address the issue.

The bottom line is that a wife can make a man cheat about as much as she can make him abuse alcohol or drugs– it doesn’t work this way.” David O. Saenz Psychologist

14. Men cheat because of the darkness in their hearts

“One of the most common reasons men cheat on their partners centers on darkness in their heart or mind, where factors including lust, pride, the enticements of an affair, and personal frustrations with their partner or life, in general, make them susceptible to being unfaithful.” Eric Gomez Counselor

Also Try: Am I Bisexual Quiz?

15. Men cheat for avoidance, culture, value

“There is no one defining factor that determines infidelity.  

However, the three areas listed below are strong factors working in unison that can determine if one makes a choice to cheat on their spouse.

Avoidance: fear of looking at our own behaviors and choices. Feeling stuck or not being sure of what to do represents a fear of making a different choice.

Culturally ingrained: If society, parents, or societal leadership condones infidelity as a value where we may no longer see cheating as a negative behavior.

Value: If we see maintaining marriage as an important value (outside of abuse), we will be more open and willing to make new choices that work towards maintaining the marriage.

These are the reasons that explain why do men cheat.” Lisa Fogel Psychotherapist

16. Men cheat when their partners are unavailable

Men (or women) cheat when their partners are unavailable to them.

Both partners are particularly vulnerable during a reproductive journey, including loss or fertility challenges, especially if their grief paths diverge for long periods of time.

The weakness that comes through is why men cheat.” Julie Bindeman Psychologist

Also Try: Is My Husband Emotionally Unavailable Quiz


Men cheat when there is a lack of intimacy

“It is because of intimacy.

Cheating is a result of a lack of intimacy in a marriage.  

Intimacy can be a challenge, but if a man is not feeling fully “seen” in his relationship or not communicating his needs, it can leave him feeling empty, lonely, angry, and unappreciated.

He may then want to fulfill that need outside the relationship.

It’s his way of saying, “someone else sees me and my value and understands my needs, so I’m going to get what I need and want there instead.” Jake Myres Marriage and Family Therapist

18. Men cheat when there is a lack of admiration

The single most common reason is this.

I see why men look outside the relationship for companionship is a perceived lack of admiration and approval by their partner.

It is because they tend to base their sense of self on how the people in the room view them; the outside world serves as a mirror of self-worth. So if a man encounters disapproval, disdain, or disappointment at home, they internalize those emotions.

So when a person outside the relationship then provides a counter to those feelings, shows a different “reflection” to the man, the man is often drawn to that.

And seeing yourself in an encouraging light, well, that’s often very hard to resist.” Crystal Rice Counselor

19. Men cheat for ego inflation

“Why do happy people cheat?

I believe that some men cheat for ego inflation. It feels good to be considered desirable and attractive to others, unfortunately even outside of marriage.

The mindset of a cheating man is to feel powerful and alluring. This is sad but is the reason that tells why do men cheat.” K’hara Mckinney Marriage and Family therapist

20. Infidelity is a crime of opportunity

“While there are numerous reasons that could explain why do men cheat on their partners, one of the most common reasons is that it is a ‘crime’ of opportunity.

Infidelity does not necessarily signal something wrong in the relationship; rather, it reflects that being in a relationship is a daily choice.” Trey Cole Psychologist

Also Try: Should I Stay With My Husband After He Cheated Quiz

21. Men cheat when they feel their woman is unhappy

“I believe men cheat because men live to make their women happy, and when they no longer feel that they are succeeding, they seek a new woman that they can make happy.  

Wrong, yes, but true why men cheat.” Terra Bruns Relationship expert

22. Men cheat as an emotional element missing

“In my experience, people cheat because something is missing. A core emotional element that a person needs that is not being met.

Either from within the relationship, which is more common, and someone comes along that fills that need.

But it can be something missing from within a person.

For example, a person who didn’t get a lot of attention in their younger years feels really good when they get special attention or are shown interest. This is why men cheat.” Ken Burns Counselor

Also Try: Am I emotionally exhausted?

23. Men cheat when they don’t feel valued

“While there are, of course, some men who are just entitled jerks, who don’t respect their partners and simply feel they can do whatever they want, my experience is that men cheat chiefly because they don’t feel valued.

This can come in many different forms, of course, based on the individual. Some men may feel devalued if their partners don’t talk with them, spend time with them, or participate in hobbies with them.

Others may feel devalued if their partners stop having regular sex with them. Or if their partners seem too busy with life, household, children, work, etc., to prioritize them.

But underlying all of that is a sense that the man does not matter, that he is not valued and that his partner no longer appreciates him.

This causes the men to seek attention elsewhere, and again in my experience, most often, it is first this seeking of attention from another (that is often referred to as an “emotional affair”) that then leads to sex later (in a “full-blown affair”).

So if you don’t prioritize your man, and don’t make him feel valued, then you shouldn’t be surprised when he seeks attention elsewhere.” Steven Stewart Counselor

24. Men cheat when they can’t connect with themselves

“Why men cheat is because of their inability to emotionally connect to their wounded inner child who is searching to be nurtured and affirmed that they are enough and deserving of being loved simply due to their inherent worth and preciousness.

Since they struggle with this concept of worthiness, they continuously chase an unattainable goal and move from one person to the next.

I think this same concept applies to many women too.” Mark Glover Counselor

Related Reading: 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat and Lie


Men cheat when their needs are not met

“I do not think that there is a common reason for why men cheat because everyone is unique, and their situation is unique.

What happens in marriages to cause problems, such as an affair, is that people feel emotionally disconnected from their partner and do not know how to get their needs met in a healthy manner so they look for other ways to fulfill themselves.” Trish Pauls Psychotherapist

26. Men miss being adored, admired, and desired

“Why men cheat is because they lack the very feeling that drew them into the long-term relationship they are in.  The feeling of being adored, admired, and desired is the romantic ail that feels so intoxicating.  

At around 6-18 months, it is not uncommon for the man to “fall off the pedestal” as reality sets in and life’s challenges become a priority.

People, not just men, by the way, miss this short and intense phase.  This feeling, which plays upon self-esteem and early attachment deprivation, counteracts all insecurity and self-doubt.   

It gets deeply rooted in the psyche and lives there waiting to be reactivated.  While a long-term partner can provide other important feelings, it is nearly impossible to replicate this original insatiable desire.  

Along comes a stranger, who may immediately activate this feeling.  

Temptation in full swing can hit hard, especially when one is not being elevated by his partner on a regular basis.” Katherine Mazza Psychotherapist

27. Men cheat when they feel unacknowledged

“There’s no one single reason why men cheat, but one common thread has to do with feeling unappreciated and not taken care of well enough in the relationship.

Many people feel they’re the one doing most of the work in the relationship and that the work isn’t seen or rewarded.

When we feel like all our effort goes unacknowledged, and we don’t know how to give ourselves the love and admiration we need, we look outside.

A new lover tends to be adoring and focus on all our best qualities, and this delivers the approval we’re desperate for—approval that’s lacking from both our partner and ourselves. ” Vicki Botnick Counselor and Psychotherapist

Related Reading: How a Woman Feels After Being Cheated On

28. Different circumstances under which men cheat

“There are no simple answers to this question as to why men cheat because each man has his own reasons, and each circumstance is different.

Also, there certainly are differences between a man who gets caught up in multiple affairs, porn addiction, cyber affairs, or sleeping with prostitutes and a man who falls in love with his co-worker.

The reasons for sex addiction are embedded in trauma, while often, men who have single affairs cite a lack of something they need in their primary relationships.

Sometimes they are missing passionate sex, but just as often, they report that they don’t feel seen or appreciated by their wives. Women get busy running the household, working at their own careers, and rearing the children.

At home, men report that they often feel neglected and taken for granted. In that state of loneliness, they become susceptible to the attention and adoration of someone new.

At work, they are looked up to, feel powerful and worthy, and may cultivate a relationship with a woman who notices that.” Mary Kay Cocharo Couples Therapist

29. Modern romantic idea is the cause for infidelity

“Why men cheat is because they focus on the romantic idea, which is practically a setup for infidelity.  

When a relationship inevitably loses its initial luster, it is not uncommon to long for the passion, sexual thrill, and idealized connection with another that was present when it began.  

Those who understand and trust the evolution of love that exists in a truly committed relationship will rarely find themselves tempted to cheat.” Marcie Scranton Psychotherapist

Related Reading: 12 Romantic Ideas For Your Wife That Will Win Her Over


Men seek novelty

“Recent research shows that men and women cheat to about the same degree.  The common reason why men cheat is to seek novelty.  

The common reason women cheat is because of frustrations in their relationship.” Gerald Schoenewolf Psychoanalyst


Now that you know the various reasons why men cheat and lie, you must make an honest effort to take care of the critical aspects to save your marriage. Of course, you can do nothing if it is done deliberately by your husband to get rid of you or hurt you.

But in other cases, when you know that your husband is a great person, try to cultivate a deeper bond, friendship, and love. No man in his right mind would want to ruin a relationship that offers him all this and more.

These pieces of useful advice will help women identify the reasons why men cheat and perhaps give them some insight into how men think and what they can do to prevent them from cheating.

Why men cheat: anonymous confession

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Treason Man and woman

Why am I cheating? Because infidelity sharpens memory. Everything fades into the background when I look at the naked back of an unfamiliar woman, slightly bending on the sheets in the rays of the evening sun in a country hotel room. This is the most honest choice I can make. I'm here alone in defiance of all the codes and rules that I pretend to obey. Contrary to common sense, back thoughts and wisdom of years, at this moment I do not regret anything. I want to be here. I upvoted it, announced it, and I can feel the blood running through my veins. I'm alive. I am equal to myself.

Men are considered unfaithful because they have the opportunity to do so. It's true, it's easy to change. We leave almost no evidence. The checklist doesn't require much—wash here and there, enlist the sympathy of the woman you're sleeping with, choose the right meeting place, and keep track of the time. But by and large, infidelity is very easy to hide. More often than any man is able to admit, she has no consequences.

Cheating is a male need, because sex should not be predetermined and planned

But men cheat not because they can, but because they have to, they need it. This is a man's need. She makes us change again and again. Because sex should not be predetermined and planned. This is not a story about two individuals who are destined to meet in a dark night, this is a matter of chance.

You probably know that love for life is a lie, and monogamous love is a lie. If you are changing, these ideas will guide you. This does not mean that you are incapable of love. This doesn't mean you don't want what love or even marriage has to offer. Paradox. You live according to your beliefs and do not deceive yourself. But you have to conform to the common lie.

And you have to follow the rules. You should only sleep with those who have the same risks. The phrase "You don't shit where you eat" makes sense when you have an office romance. You never use the word love, even in the context of making love. You don't have sex with people who are too young to fall in love with you or schizophrenics. Don't brag about your association with a celebrity. You stay away from the wives of your friends. If you have a mistress in another city, then you do not visit it just for sex. These rules are the fruits of hard experience, and there are many more. I change spontaneously.

Loyalty is a test that forces you to ignore your abilities, drowns out any feeling of victory

At home, I am attentive to family responsibilities. It's like a test, and men need tests. Loyalty is a test that confronts a man with his own instincts, forces him to ignore his abilities, drowns out any feeling of victory. Marriage takes the average guy away from everything he once knew about himself. And some guys pass this test. They succeed. And I like to listen to their nonsense. All those "I love my wife so much" conversations that moralistic assholes have over cocktails. I don't interfere, I don't touch them. Men don't fight over such things.

I love my wife too, but that's nobody's business. And as a rule, this nonsense is carried by people who drop in on the way home to a strip club, watch porn in their offices and periodically visit dating sites, cheating according to the quota allocated to them. I don't do anything like that. My home life is clean. I'm better focused on her than they are. I fit better with what surrounds me - my family, my wife, my work. In a way, this is true because I'm not afraid to change.

Cheating is when the body asserts its superiority over the soul, the triumph of genetic need, the victory of the desired over the obligatory

You learn a lot when you cheat, and you also laugh a lot. Sometimes you open up more with a woman you've spent 45 minutes with than with someone you've lived with for 45 years. You are not required to change, you are free to choose. It worries. Because more than anything, betrayal is when the body asserts its superiority over the soul, the triumph of the genetic need, the victory of the desired over the obligatory.

This does not mean that cheating is good or that I am promoting infidelity. I don't care how you live. I'm just explaining why men cheat. It's the mathematics of their reproductive system, a by-product of longer life, exhausting work, high overload. This is the consequence of an instinctive refusal to sacrifice one's own needs for the faulty and outdated apparatus of marriage.

Text: Xenia Diakova-Tinoku Photo Source: Getty Images

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Why do men cheat? | GQ Russia

We are increasingly trying to move away from gender stereotypes. However, some of them are so firmly stuck in our heads that they are perceived rather as hard facts. The constant betrayal of men is just such an axiom. It is generally accepted that gentlemen forget about fidelity in relationships much more often than ladies. Although this is not entirely true. The Levada Center, the same one that conducts regular social surveys, found out that it is acceptable for 34% of men and 16% of women to have partners on the side.

Apparently, not all husbands are ready to cheat. But there are twice as many men who are loyal to cheating than women. Why is this happening?

Psychotherapist and sexologist Keith Moyle says: “The reasons for infidelity are completely different and often unique to a particular situation. However, there are several main factors that push people to cheat. They can apply to both women and men, but they concern the latter in the first place.

Idealistic moods

Even the most beautiful women in the world have been cheated on. Beyoncé, Victoria Beckham and dozens of other equally irresistible girls experienced betrayal. Kate Moyle believes that it's all about the doubts of men. "Well, where we do not. Looking at other relationships, many men think that in them women care more about their partners. Over time, the disadvantaged more and more feel that they are not treated well enough. This often leads to unpleasant consequences.

Fear of commitment

Probably, things are not so simple in your relationship and you want to unwind a little. And betrayal is not the most acceptable, but a very effective way to get new impressions. At this moment, you do not think about problems or omissions. You just get pleasant emotions by doing something forbidden. At such moments, you are akin to a child painting the wall with pencils while no one sees him. At first you enjoy the process, and then you are terribly afraid of punishment.

Confirmation of male power

Men's infidelity is talked about so often that it seems that for many they have become the norm, an integral part of a real male's lifestyle and a direct confirmation of his dignity. “Society has turned men into some kind of sex machines that, according to some very strange statistics, think about intercourse every seven seconds. Of course, they want to live up to high expectations, says Moyle, but in reality, the only thing betrayal is evidence of is immaturity.

Many possibilities

Only the CIA can control what we do online. And no matter how vigilant your girlfriend is, she will never find out about all your manipulations on the network. “Thanks to the Internet, we have constant access to an unlimited number of people with whom we can communicate. And not only communicate. Users have the opportunity to flirt without direct contact with people, to engage in sexting. Therefore, if earlier, in order to cheat, men had to pretend that they work until night, now they just need to unlock the phone.

Low self-esteem

What could be more intriguing than the realization that you are attracted to someone? And even if you are already in a relationship, both women and men always want to feel welcome. It makes you look at yourself in a new way, gives you a reason to become more confident in yourself. Only here is the reverse side of this medal, too. It's unfortunate, but the attention of even a random person can lead to infidelity, no matter how good your current relationship is.

Lack of attention

All people set priorities for themselves in life. When you are young and ambitious, your biggest concern is usually your career. Because of this, relationships suffer, on which not enough time and effort is spent. So, succeeding at work, you often forget about your partner, who may lack your care and attention. It is logical that in this case he would want to get it from someone else.

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