What parenting style is best
Authoritative parenting is best style for raising confident kids: Child psychologist
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We all want to raise intelligent, confident and successful kids. But where to begin? And what's the best parenting style to go with?
Parenting styles fall under four main categories. It might be that you use one or more of these different styles at different times, depending on the situation and context.
The 4 Parenting Styles
Francyne Zeltser, CNBC Make It
Research tells us that authoritative parenting is ranked highly in a number of ways: Academic, social-emotional and behavioral. Similar to authoritarian parents, authoritative parents expect a lot from their children — but they expect even more from their own behavior.
What is authoritative parenting?
Authoritative parents are supportive and often in tune with their children's needs. They guide their kids through open and honest discussions to teach values and reasoning.
Like authoritarian parents, they set limits and enforce standards. But unlike authoritarian parents, they're much more nurturing.
Some common traits of authoritative parents:
- Responsive to their child's emotional needs, while having high standards
- Communicate frequently and take into consideration their child's thoughts, feelings and opinions
- Allow natural consequences to occur, but use those opportunities to help their child reflect and learn
- Foster independence and reasoning
- Highly involved in their child's progress and growth
Why experts agree authoritative parenting is the most effective style
Studies have found that authoritative parents are more likely to raise confident kids who achieve academic success, have better social skills and are more capable at problem-solving.
Instead of always coming to their kid's rescue, which is more typical among permissive parents, authoritative parents allow their kids to make mistakes. This offers kids the opportunity to learn while also letting them know that their parents will be there to support them.
Authoritative parenting is especially helpful when dealing with conflict, because the way we learn to deal with conflict at a young age plays a big role in how we handle our losses or how resilient we are in our adult lives.
With permissive parents, solutions to conflicts are generally up to the child. The child "wins" and the parent "loses." I've seen this approach lead to kids becoming more self-centered and less able to self-regulate.
Of course, there are times when a punishment, like taking a time out, is necessary. But the problem with constant punishment is that it doesn't actually teach your kid anything helpful. In most cases, it teaches them that the person with the most power wins, fair or not.
Let's say your 10-year-old son begs not to go to soccer practice: "I don't want to because I don't think I'm good at it."
- A permissive parent might say, "It's up to you. "
- A neglectful parent might say, "Whatever you want ... it's your life."
- An authoritarian parent might say, "You have to. I don't want to hear another word from you."
- An authoritative parent might say, "I understand that you don't want to go. But sometimes, fighting the urge to avoid doing something hard is how you get better!"
While authoritative parents do set limits and expect their kids to behave responsibly, they don't just demand blind obedience. They communicate and reason with the child, which can help inspire cooperation and teach kids the reason behind the rules.
Authoritative parenting doesn't guarantee success
While experts give authoritative parenting the most praise, it's important to note that using just one method does not always guarantee positive outcomes.
Parenting isn't an exact science. In many ways, it's more like an art. As a child psychologist and mother, my advice is to be loving and understanding — but to also create structure and boundaries.
Don't simply focus on punishment. Be supportive and really listen to your child. Ask them questions and try to understand things from their point of view. Allow them into the decision-making process so that they can grow and learn things on their own.
There's a difference between parenting styles and parenting practices. A parenting style is the emotional climate in which you raise your child, and a parenting practice is a specific action that parents employ in their parenting.
In short, behave as the good human you want them to be.
Francyne Zeltser is a child psychologist, adjunct professor and mother of two. She promotes a supportive, problem-solving approach where her patients learn adaptive strategies to manage challenges and work toward achieving both short-term and long-term goals. Her work has been featured in NYMetroParents.com and Parents.com.
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Parenting SA - What parenting style works best for children?
Even though all parents and children are unique, research suggests there are four broad parenting styles that parents use in raising children. While they might use elements of one or more styles at different times, studies show that parents usually have a preferred style, particularly when tired or stressed.
On behalf of Parenting SA, Jodie Benveniste, Adelaide psychologist, parenting author and Director of Intuitive Parenting, outlines the different parenting styles and how they impact children. She highlights the benefits of the Supportive Parenting Style.
The Parenting SA website also has a broad range of parent easy guides for parents of children aged 0 to 18 years.
Hello, I am Jodie Benveniste, psychologist and a parenting author, and I help parents get to the true heart of parenting. In this talk we are going to talk about what parenting style works best for children.
We know from research that parenting is really important for children's outcomes. In fact, the neuroscience literature really shows us that the relationships our children have when they are growing up, and their family environment, have a great impact on their growth and development. We also know from research that there is a parenting style that is best for children.
We can actually divide parenting styles into four main categories. It might be that you use one or more of these different parenting styles at different times, but you also might have a dominant parenting style that you rely on, particularly when you are tired or stressed.
The authoritarian parenting style offers children lots of structure and boundaries and discipline. Children brought up with the authoritarian parenting style can be quite obedient but they can also lack self-worth and not necessarily have great wellbeing, and that's because this parenting style can be a little bit too harsh and lack a bit of warmth and love. The authoritarian parenting style does not allow children to make their own decisions. Parents really want them to obey, to 'do what I say because I told you so.' They tend to focus more on punishment than guiding and teaching their children good behaviour. They can also parent based on their mood and can fly off the handle, rather than parenting based on the situation of what their child has done. And at school they can really have high expectations of their children, but sometimes they don't offer the love and support that children need to really do well at school.
With the authoritarian parenting style children might be obedient and might do what you say but they also might fear you which creates a disconnect between you and your child. And is that based on the loving relationship that we really want to have with them? Authoritarian parents do not take into account their child's temperament or child's development so they might have unrealistic expectations of their behaviour. They might expect a five year old to do something they are not capable of doing until they are at least twelve. Then they may punish the child because they have not done what they ask them to do, but really that child does not have the development skills they need to be able to do what their parents ask of them.
With the permissive parenting style it is almost opposite of the authoritarian style. So parents who are permissive are very warm and loving, affectionate and very responsive to their children but they don't always provide the guidance, the structure and the boundaries that kids really need to learn discipline and good behaviour. Permissive parents might give in to their children, so if their child gets upset because they want another chocolate biscuit, a permissive parent will just give them another chocolate biscuit. Permissive parents are not always great at setting consequences and following through with actions. So they may say that a child is only allowed to have an hour of screen time but when it comes to the end of that hour they don't follow through.
Permissive parents do not always teach their child about boundaries. The child's behaviours may be impacting others. Their child might hit and scratch or bite another child and they don't intervene and teach their child how to behave in an appropriate way. Permissive parents don't always take into account their child's temperament or their stage of development. They don't necessarily realise that children really need those boundaries and structures at every developmental stage so they can progress through those milestones and help their growth and development.
Children who grow up with permissive parents can feel loved but also lack self-discipline because they have never been taught discipline. They can lack social skills about how to play well with others, and they can sometimes be a bit anxious and insecure because parents have not set those boundaries for them. When it comes to school they may lack the structure and the focus and the boundaries that kids really need to do well in their education.
The disengaged parenting style combines the lack of love and warmth of the authoritarian parent and also the lack of discipline and structure of the permissive parent. Disengaged parents take little interest in their children and they don't really provide guidance, boundaries and structure that children need to learn. Disengaged parents might attend to their children's basic needs but they won't necessarily meet their child's deeper needs. They tend to be a little more engrossed in their own life and their own needs and may sometimes be neglectful. They don't always provide the structure their children really need. Like 'It's time to go to bed now', and 'It's time to do your homework', and 'It's time to cook a good meal and sit down together'. They don't always provide the love and warmth and affection, the cuddles that kids really need to thrive.
Children who grow up with disengaged parents will be socially withdrawn because they have not learnt those social skills. They can be quite anxious and insecure because they haven't had the boundaries they need. They can also be out and about, getting into trouble, hanging around with the wrong crowds, skipping school because they don't have someone looking out for them and supervising them, providing the guidance they really need. At school their parents probably have very low expectations of them achieving, even attending so that the kids may be at school or may not be. Disengaged parents are not always there to help children with their homework, supervising how they going and really helping them to succeed at school.
The parenting style that is best for children is the supportive style. It's a style where you are warm and loving and you're affectionate but you also create structure and boundaries for your children, and you guide their behaviour. You don't focus on punishment, you focus on guiding and teaching and helping them to learn good behaviour.
Supportive parents really listen to their children. They ask them questions, they look at life from their point of view. They explain things, they have discussions. They allow their children into decision-making. Supportive parents also allow their kids to grow and learn themselves. They let them gain independence and skills. They don't do everything for their children so they learn for themselves, rather than being over protective and doing everything for them.
Supportive parents set boundaries, they follow through with consequences and they do it pretty consistently or as consistently as possible. Children learn much more quickly the more consistent we are. Supportive parents are flexible and when they are parenting they really take into account the situation, their child's temperament, the child's state of development, so they can really guide their child's behaviour and make the right decisions at the time.
Supportive parents really encourage children to have a go, take risks, and even make mistakes. The best thing to do to help is to let children learn from those mistakes, so go through what happened, how could you do things better and what they learn from the situation.
Children who grow up with supportive parents are self-confident, they feel capable, they are emotionally mature, they have good social skills, and they enjoy better happiness and wellbeing which sets them up well for adulthood. At school they feel really well supported, loved and have a structures in place to try their best and really achieve.
Our parenting does really matter. We can have a really strong, positive, wonderful influence on our children's outcomes. So what is best for children? It's about being warm and loving, setting those boundaries and guiding their behaviour. And most of all, enjoying your relationship because really that's what parenting is all about. Developing a strong, loving relationship with your child.
See parent information and support.
Styles of family education and their characteristics
Styles of family education are different systems of educational influence of parents on children. Depending on them, children in the family can behave differently: unquestioningly obey their elders or be free in almost any decision, discuss their problems with their parents or hush them up, offer their own options for solving this or that situation, or remain silent, knowing that everything no one will listen anyway. The behavior of parents can also be different: from rigid and unshakable frames and boundaries to absolute disinterest in the life of their offspring.
Classification of family education styles and their characteristics are presented in the table:
|Authoritarian||Strict discipline, unquestioning submission of children to parents, strict rules and restrictions in relationships. The child does not have the right to choose, is not independent and does not know how to bear responsibility|
|Liberal||The almost complete absence of any framework and boundaries, the disinterest of parents in the lives of their children, the removal of responsibility for their future|
|Guardian||Permanent restrictions on the freedom of children by parents who most often have disturbing intentions and motives. The child is afraid of the world around him, is not confident in himself, experiences anxiety and guilt|
|Democratic||The basis is cooperation between children and parents. Adults are fair, restrained and consistent, show their love to children and know how to set flexible boundaries. Children learn to be independent and responsible, have the right to choose and vote, but within reasonable limits|
Depending on the style of upbringing, relationships in the family and the personality of children are formed. The democratic style is considered the most correct, but not every parent is ready and able to negotiate with their children, since in their childhood they did not have the opportunity to learn this. Raised in authoritarian or overprotective families, they subconsciously build the same relationship with their own children. Diagnosis of the style of family education can be carried out by a psychologist or teacher with the help of conversations and special tests.
- Authoritarian upbringing style
- What are the consequences for children
- Liberal style of parenting
- Kakov consequences
- Conditions for the child
- What influences the style of parenting
- My recommendations as a parent and psychologist
Authoritarian parenting style
This style is inherent in tough parents who do not believe that the younger family member can have his own opinions and desires. In a family with an authoritarian parenting style, there are usually strict rules, for the slightest violation of which there are serious punishments. The kid is not given a choice in almost anything, his fate is determined by his parents. Adults decide everything: from which circles their child will attend, to which educational institution they will go to after school.
Examples of phrases often used by authoritarian parents: “because I said so”, “it’s too young to have an opinion”, “the nose hasn’t grown up to make its decisions yet”, “we do everything for you, but you are ungrateful” , "grow up, then you will speak out."
Benefits of authoritarian style of family upbringing:
- parents try to give their children all the best - most often it concerns material goods and a successful place in life;
- children are obedient, well-mannered and polite;
- behave almost perfectly in public places;
- fulfill all requests;
- do not argue with adults;
- It is easy for parents to guide their children by imposing their opinion;
- according to adult family members, children will have a successful future and ease in achieving goals.
Disadvantages of the authoritarian style:
- children in such a family do not receive enough love and caress for them;
- the child does not know how to make his own decisions, getting used to the fact that other people take all responsibility for the choice;
- does not know how to refuse, including when it is necessary: he can go with a stranger, under pressure from an older company, try alcohol or drugs;
- indecisiveness, feeling unimportant, depressed and living in constant fear of one's own parents;
- loss of trust in the world and adults.
What are the consequences for children
One of the main consequences of the authoritarian style occurs during adolescence. Having become more physically free, having felt the support of the company, a teenager may completely stop obeying his parents, as they lose all their authority in his eyes. Accustomed to violent forms of education: screaming, physical punishment and threats, a teenager ceases to perceive them as an influence on himself. Parents, accustomed to the unquestioning fulfillment of their instructions, often get lost and give up, because they do not represent other forms of education for themselves, and the former ones stop working.
Depending on individual characteristics, there is another situation: a person remains under parental control for life, and after the natural death of older relatives continues to live according to their rules. They choose for him an educational institution, work, spouse, place of residence, and so on. Such a person cannot be successful, because he does not know how to make his own decisions, defend his point of view and resist what he does not like.
Another consequence is the style of raising one's own children by a person who grew up with authoritarian parents. The first option - it will be the same, based on fear and repression. The second is the opposite, when everything is allowed to the offspring, no boundaries are set, no rules of behavior are indicated. Both options will not lead to the development of a healthy personality.
Liberal parenting style
This is a family parenting style characterized by a lack of guardianship and control over the child. The family has calm relations, they do not require anything from the baby, but one important part of education is missing: rules and boundaries. In fact, children do whatever they want, regardless of social prohibitions, and parents practically relieve themselves of responsibility for the behavior and future of their child.
- from early childhood, a child understands that all responsibility for his actions lies with him;
- the younger family members are not loaded with household chores, they are not forced to do their homework;
- he can manifest and seek himself, no one will force him to do what he does not like.
Disadvantages of the liberal style:
- is not fully aware of the rules of behavior in society, so sometimes he can behave quite indecently;
- without feeling any psychological boundaries, the person is not ready for resistance from other people;
- sometimes a teenager brought up in a liberal family finds himself in real danger, as his parents allow him to walk until late at night and do not at all keep track of which company of friends he is in;
- children with liberal parents feel insecure, because it seems to them that their parents are indifferent to them;
- low school performance due to the lack of interest of parents in the educational life of the child;
- trying to attract attention, the baby may resort to deviant behaviors: manifestations of aggression, damage to property or other people.
Examples of phrases from liberal parents: “I have already learned mine, and this is your school. Study as you know”, “I don’t care what time you come, the main thing is don’t wake me up”, “I don’t care what you do at school, as long as no one complains about you.”
What are the consequences
Children of liberal parents often get involved in bad companies, because there they get a portion of the attention they need. It is also associated with a sense of uselessness to their parents and the lack of rules in the family.
Adolescents from liberal families often cannot fully decide on the desired profession until adulthood, they are unsure of themselves and their abilities, they do not know how to defend their point of view with arguments, since this was not required in their parental family. Their children are usually brought up in the same style, because they have no idea how to do it differently. Sometimes they try to lead an authoritarian style, but they cannot always keep the boundaries rigidly, as a result, children quickly stop obeying.
Protective parenting style
Overprotective parents are usually very anxious people who are sure that the child remains small and incapable of independent actions and decisions for a very long time. These are child-centered families in which everything is arranged so that the baby is happy, even if it causes inconvenience to adults. The independence of the child is suppressed by any means, he is constantly broadcast instructions about the danger and hostility of the world around him.
Benefits of overprotection:
- a calm baby who will not climb a high hill once again and will not experience the properties of a matchbox;
- he is always in control, does not say or do anything extra;
- For the first few years, the baby unconditionally trusts his mother, obeying her with every action.
Disadvantages of the patronizing style:
- anxiety, feeling of helplessness, delay in personal development;
- feelings of guilt for trying to circumvent parental mandates;
- does not feel trusted;
- baby grows not independent, lazy and passive;
- distrust and fear in relation to the world, as parents constantly broadcast information about the dangers around.
Examples of overprotective parents' phrases: “You're still too young, let me do it myself”, “So what if all the children go downhill? You can’t, you’ll fall and hurt your forehead”, “Don’t touch the cat, suddenly it’s flea-like”, “Don’t run, otherwise you will fall.”
What are the consequences for the child
A person who grew up with overprotective parents may forever remain living with them: the ability to make their own decisions is not formed, there is no motivation for a successful life, arranging their own future is scary and reluctant, taking responsibility at work is dangerous and not I want to, household skills are poorly developed.
If a person can separate himself from his parents, then he is unlikely to become successful. He has low self-esteem, he does not know how to stand up for himself on his own, he is afraid of everything and worries about everything. Such workers are not valued, and such spouses are not dreamed of.
Authoritative or democratic parenting style
This parenting style is considered the healthiest. Here everyone is friendly to each other, they can always count on support. Here they know how to negotiate, hear and listen to each other, show love and sympathize. Children's independence and responsibility are encouraged, correct behavior in society is formed.
Benefits of a democratic parenting style:
- the child feels love and support;
- learns to take responsibility and be independent;
- has the right to choose;
- can make decisions according to age;
- is not afraid to ask parents for help;
- knows the rules of behavior in society;
- is clearly aware of his psychological boundaries and the boundaries of other people;
- knows how to set goals and achieve them;
- the child feels respected and learns to treat others as well;
- is always open to new knowledge, skills and sensations;
- is less affected by negative companies;
- the child has adequate self-esteem and is confident in himself and his abilities.
Disadvantages of democratic style:
There is only one, but a very significant disadvantage. The democratic style of raising a child in a family requires a huge amount of love for your baby, patience, respect and parental wisdom. If adults themselves were raised authoritarian, liberal, chaotic, or nurturing, then they will have to put in a lot of effort to develop this style of raising their children.
Sample phrases of democratic parents: “I understand your feelings”, “I believe in your strength”, “I know that you can handle it”, “let's discuss it”, “let's try together”.
What affects the style of parenting
After studying the styles of family education, we can conclude that they have a serious impact on the development of the child and the formation of his personality. It depends on the style of upbringing whether the child will be independent, confident, successful, socially responsible, sociable. The development of mental processes: memory, attention, thinking also depends on the style of education. The more parents give the child independence, the better and faster it develops.
Children of authoritarian and protective parents grow up comfortable and calm, but not independent. The liberals are free, but without a sense of their own importance and without an understanding of their own and others' boundaries. In a democratic family, a child has every chance to grow up as a successful person, a valuable worker and an exemplary family man, as he is confident in his abilities, knows how to negotiate and show love to loved ones.
My recommendations as a parent and psychologist
- Strive for a democratic parenting style. In any situation, try to hear yourself and your child, learn to negotiate with him and discuss family matters. Even if he is still small, give him the opportunity to make decisions appropriate for his age.
- Give choice whenever possible.
- Set healthy boundaries: “beat guys and call names ugly”, “no one should push you”.
- When expressing dissatisfaction with your baby, direct him to an act, and not to the child himself. Not “you are a whiner”, but “I feel very uncomfortable when someone whines”.
- Allocate responsibilities for the child in the family in accordance with his age: water the flower, feed the cat. Let him get used to being responsible for his affairs from an early age.
- Give the child more freedom, even if he is anxious. Try not to tell your baby phrases like: “you can’t do it”, “you still won’t succeed”, “you will fall”. It is better to support and talk about your faith in him and his strength.
- Explain to the child everything that interests him. Sometimes very unexpected questions are asked, in which case you can take a time out, but then be sure to discuss in an accessible language.
- Never use physical punishment and try to raise your voice as rarely as possible. These actions give rise to fear in the crumbs, and also demonstrate the powerlessness of parents in front of his behavior.
- Spend as much time as possible in a cozy warm atmosphere: read books together, cuddle, watch your favorite movies and cartoons, go for walks and engage in joint creativity.
- Try to maintain friendly relations in any situation so that the child knows that no matter what happens, parents will always support and understand him.
The style of family education is a system of parents' influence on children. Classifications of styles and types of family education suggest 4 types: authoritarian, liberal, patronizing and democratic. Each of the species has its own characteristics, the most healthy person grows up with a democratic style: the child becomes independent, responsible, able to love and interact with society.
Styles of family education
Raising children is the most important task of a modern family. The development of the personality of the child as a whole will depend on which style of family education prevails in the family.
Style of family upbringing is the way parents relate to the child, their use of certain techniques and methods of influencing the child, expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction with the child. Any disharmony in the family leads to adverse consequences in the development of the child's personality, to problems in his behavior.
In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family education styles: authoritarian, conniving, democratic, chaotic, aloof, and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the psyche and personal development of the child in different ways.
Authoritarian style of family upbringing
In the authoritarian style of upbringing, parents suppress the initiative of the child, strictly guide and control his actions and deeds. When educating, they use physical punishment for the slightest misconduct, coercion, shouting, prohibitions. Children are deprived of parental love, affection, care, sympathy. Such parents care only that the child grows up obedient and executive. But children grow up either insecure, timid, neurotic, unable to stand up for themselves, or, conversely, aggressive, authoritarian, conflict. Such children hardly adapt in society, the world around them. Children in self-defense use a variety of tricks such as: crying, show their helplessness. As a result of such measures, children lose their desire to learn, they hardly concentrate their attention during the teacher's explanations or when preparing lessons.
With parents, such children may appear calm and diligent, but as soon as the threat of punishment disappears, the child's behavior becomes uncontrollable.
The influence of authoritarian parenting style on adolescent behavior
As the child grows older, he becomes more and more intolerant of the demands of authoritarian parents. In adolescence, frequent conflicts can lead to a deplorable outcome. It is with the authoritarian style of family education that adolescents will generate conflicts, treating others with hostility. Parents always make decisions for the child themselves, thereby suppressing the initiative of the child, depriving him of the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for his actions.
Active and strong teenagers will start to rebel, resist, becoming more aggressive, they may run away from home. Shy and insecure teenagers with low self-esteem, on the contrary, will get used to obeying their parents in everything, not making attempts to solve their own problems on their own, and will always rely on their parents in everything.
Liberal-permissive style of family education (hypo-custody)
In the liberal-permissive style, communication with a child is based on the principle of permissiveness and low discipline. For self-affirmation, the child uses whims, demands “Give!”, “I!”, “I want!”, Defiantly offended. The child does not understand the word “Must!”, “Impossible”, does not follow the instructions and requirements of adults. Parents with a liberal-permissive style of communication with a child are characterized by an inability or unwillingness to lead, guide the child.
Liberal parents are caring, considerate, and have a close relationship with their children. They give the child the opportunity to express themselves, show their abilities, discover creative abilities, individuality. Parents sincerely believe that in this way they will teach them to distinguish between what is right and what is “wrong.” Liberal parents find it difficult to set boundaries for their children’s permissible, acceptable behavior. They often encourage their child to be too relaxed and inappropriate behavior.
How will a child grow up with a condoning style of family upbringing
As a result, the child grows up to be selfish, conflicted, constantly dissatisfied with the people around him, which does not give him the opportunity to enter into normal social relationships and emotional strong ties with people. At school, such a child may have frequent conflicts due to the fact that he is not accustomed to yield, obey elders, follow laws and rules.
A child raised in an environment of permissiveness is more prone to psychological problems, phobias, and depression. Such a child is not taught to control himself and his behavior will have little chance of developing self-esteem. In the future, a child raised by liberal parents will be unable to face the challenges of life and will have difficulty with social interaction. Which in turn will lead to the lack of formation of adequate self-esteem and self-esteem. He will conflict with anyone who does not indulge his desires.
Overprotective style of family education
With an overprotective parenting style, parents deprive the child of independence in physical, mental, and social development. They are constantly next to him, solve his problems for him, live instead of him. They overly care and take care of him, fearing and worrying about his health. Even when the child becomes an adult, parents continue to take care of him excessively, constantly worrying about him, for his health and well-being.
Overprotection suppresses the initiative, will and freedom of the child, his energy and cognitive activity, deprives him of independence, brings up humility, lack of will, helplessness. With an overprotective parenting style, parents unconsciously inhibit the formation of various skills and abilities in the child, the development of perseverance in achieving the goal, diligence.
How will a child grow up with an overprotective style of family education
The child grows up helpless, infantile, insecure, neurotic, anxious, whining. Subsequently, he has difficulties in socialization. Children grow up obedient, but at the same time unsure of themselves, their strengths and capabilities, they will always be afraid to do something wrong, to make a mistake.
Some children in adolescence will seek to escape from excessive parental control and tutelage by becoming aggressive, rebellious and self-willed.
Overprotection, control, restrictions and prohibitions will develop the child's ability to cheat, deceive and secrecy. Teenagers will use lies as a means of self-defense against parents who are constantly trying to control his personal life, which will eventually lead to alienation from them.
Consequences of the overprotective style of family education - the formation of dependence on others, as well as negative influence from other people. It is hyper-custody that is to blame for the fact that children grow up as "mama's sons."
Alienated family parenting style
In the alienated family parenting style, relationships imply a deep indifference of parents to the personality of the child. Parents "do not notice" the child, are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. Actively avoiding contact with him, keep him at a distance. Children are left to themselves.
Alienated parenting is more common in dysfunctional families where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs.
How will a child grow up with an alienated style of family education
Such an indifferent attitude of parents makes a child lonely and deeply unhappy, unsure of himself. He loses the desire to communicate, aggressiveness towards people can form. Teenagers often get in trouble with the law.
Chaotic style of family education
Some psychologists single out a chaotic style of family education, characterized by the lack of a single consistent approach to raising a child: there are no specific, definite, clear requirements for the child.
A chaotic style arises on the basis of disagreements between parents in the choice of means and methods of education. Conflicts in the family are becoming more frequent, parents are constantly sorting out the relationship between themselves and often in the presence of the child, which leads to neurotic reactions in the child.
Unpredictable actions and reactions of parents deprive the child of a sense of stability, provoke increased uncertainty, impulsiveness, anxiety, aggressiveness, uncontrollability, social maladaptation.
How a child will grow up with a chaotic style of upbringing
A child needs stability and clear specific guidelines in assessments and behavior. Parents who use different styles of upbringing and communication deprive the child of such stability, form an anxious, insecure, impulsive, in some cases aggressive, uncontrollable personality.
With a chaotic style of upbringing, a child will not develop self-control, a sense of responsibility for himself and other people. The child will be characterized by immaturity of judgment.
Democratic style of family education
In the democratic style of education, parents encourage any initiative of the child, independence, help him, take into account his needs and requirements. They express their love, goodwill to the child, play with him on topics that are interesting to him. Parents allow children to take part in the discussion of family problems and take their opinion into account when making decisions. And also, in turn, require meaningful behavior from children, show firmness and consistency in observing discipline.
The child is in an active position, which gives him the experience of self-management, increases self-confidence, his strength. Children in such families listen to the advice of their parents, know the word “necessary”, know how to discipline themselves and build relationships with classmates.
Also, the democratic style of education is characterized by the presence of mutual understanding between parents and children, the manifestation of warm feelings between them, frequent communication and moderate discipline. Parents are attentive to their child, emotionally support him, create an atmosphere of love and care in the family.
In accordance with their age, parents encourage independence and personal responsibility of their children. Parents set the rules and standards, the boundaries of acceptable behavior and demand their implementation from the child.
Mutual understanding between parents and children is achieved through persuasion, discussion, compromise, arguments. Parents always listen to their child, give the child the opportunity to take responsibility for the committed actions and actions.
How will a child grow up with a democratic style of family education
Children grow up as active, inquisitive, independent, full-fledged individuals with a developed sense of dignity and responsibility for themselves and those close to them. Children do well in school, are less susceptible to the negative influence of peers, and know how to get along well and build relationships with people.
The child grows up responsible, independent, competent, self-confident with adequate self-esteem, able to control his desires and, as a rule, achieves great success in life.