Ways to show self love
6 Expert Tips – Forbes Health
Throughout life, we juggle multiple relationships, often with family, friends, co-workers and romantic partners. One relationship we may neglect, however, is the one with ourselves.
Self-love can be defined as an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue. That includes accepting yourself as you are, prioritizing your needs, setting healthy boundaries and forgiving yourself when needed. Treating yourself with kindness and respect means taking time to take care of your overall well-being.
Honoring yourself is the first step in a lifelong journey to nurturing personal growth and learning to manage adversity. Self-love can be a challenge, but by prioritizing the practice, you’ll start seeing results—including a number of health benefits. Read on for expert-backed advice on how you can start cultivating self-love in your life.
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What Is Self-Love—and What Are the Health Benefits?
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself, according to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation. While it can look different to each person, it encompasses being kind to yourself—so forgiving yourself, refraining from self-judgment, trusting yourself and understanding and valuing your worth are some ways we can demonstrate self-love. This can also include setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own needs, while also not settling for less than you deserve.
As a result, self-love can boost your well-being, both mentally and physically.
Mental Health Benefits
Self-love teaches you the importance of putting yourself first, explains Elizabeth Jarquin, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist and life/wellness coach in Miami. Everyone has a finite amount of energy, and dealing with negativity or emotionally-draining relationships can deplete it. When you treat yourself better, you’re more likely to engage in activities that make you happy, rather than exhausting energy on relationships and situations that do not elicit joy. This can mean building the confidence to set boundaries in relationships and learning how to say no to things that don’t honor your needs or bring you joy.
Dr. Jarquin says that accepting yourself and managing your well-being is associated with decreased symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression. She says that self-love leads to better:
- Happiness
- Self-acceptance
- Self-esteem
- Self-awareness
- Self-forgiveness
Not only does self-love improve your relationship with yourself, but also with others. “When we engage in these practices, we feel better overall and how we interact with others is a more positive experience,” says Dr. Jarquin.
Indeed, research suggests taking care of yourself makes you more empathetic to other people. Dr. Jarquin adds that empathy comes from showing compassion and patience, but it’s hard to do so when you have little empathy for yourself. When you treat yourself with kindness, the practice extends to how you treat others.
When you practice self-love, Dr. Jarquin says you become less emotionally reactive. Many self-love practices teach you how to calm down instead of immediately reacting to an upsetting stressor. “You can take the time to stop and think about what’s going on, and how you’re going to respond versus just reacting,” she explains. People who practice self-love also show increased resilience when things don’t go their way. “When you feel terrible or angry, practicing self-love on a day-to-day basis will help you to respond in a different way and bounce back quicker,” she says.
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Physical Health Benefits
Self-love means prioritizing yourself and your needs—and that includes your body’s need to move and stretch. Carving out time for the gym or taking a stroll in the park improves your thinking, learning and ability to make rational decisions, and can reduce short-term feelings of anxiety. In the long-term, regular exercise leads to improved brain health, weight management and reduces your risk for certain cancers and other diseases.
Sheva Assar, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Orange County, California, says that self-love extends to the food you eat. She says taking care of yourself includes what you put inside your body, as it can affect how you feel and react to unpleasant situations. And when you practice self-love, you learn not to beat yourself up for every calorie you take in, and also allow yourself to enjoy your favorite foods.
6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love
Practicing self-love doesn’t have to mean expensive activities, like booking a weekend at a resort. The focus is paying attention and caring for your needs, and could be as simple as a five-minute break to disconnect, says Dr. Jarquin.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
A big part of self-love is staying present. It’s easy to get swept up in planning for the future or thinking about what you could have done differently in your life. Dr. Assar explains that dwelling over things out of your control can raise feelings of hopelessness, stress and anxiety. Maintaining a gratitude journal can keep you grounded by reminding yourself of what you have to feel thankful for right now. Research suggests remembering what you’re thankful for can promote healthy eating and is linked to self-esteem and increases overall happiness.
A daily dose of gratitude can improve your mood, and is a great way to start your morning. You can download an app on gratitude, keep a small list on your phone or write what you’re thankful for in a notebook.
Give Yourself a Compliment
A small but effective way to make yourself feel good and ultimately boost self-confidence is giving yourself a compliment. “By complimenting ourselves regularly, it starts to shift the relationship we have with ourselves as well as our mindset,” explains Dr. Jarquin. “We are essentially training ourselves to focus on the positives, which create more positive feelings.”
Even if you don’t feel like there is anything to compliment yourself about, something small—like keeping up with your self-love habits—is worth praise. “We need to let go of the notion that we have to be perfect. Practicing self-love is learning to extend compassion and kindness to ourselves,” says Dr. Assar.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to yourself, Dr. Jarquin recommends setting a time of day to compliment yourself, such as in the morning or at night before bed. She says you can write it down in a journal or put a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror before going to bed. You can even set a reminder on your phone that you are doing great. Positive affirmations such as “I can do this” or “I am worthy” can also be a way to demonstrate self-love.
Speak to Yourself as You Would With a Friend
Negative self-talk is something we all engage in. However, if you constantly beat yourself up for your shortcomings, Dr. Jarquin says it can make you feel helpless, worthless and less motivated to put yourself out there. Nobody’s perfect. Try imagining your friend making the same mistake or failure, and think about what you would say to them.
“A big part of self-love is finding that little voice inside of our head. And by noticing how we talk to ourselves, we can show ourselves compassion when an interaction or assignment doesn’t go as planned,” says Dr. Jarquin.
Dr. Assar also advises checking in with what you internally say or think to yourself throughout the day. Engaging in positive self-talk helps you move towards acceptance—and eventually loving yourself.
Practice Mindfulness
Being mindful is a strategy to boost self-love, as it can help you identify what you feel, think and want. Mindfulness encompasses being fully present, non-judgmental, and aware of what is going on around us.
There are popular meditation apps that can teach you how to practice deep breathing and other mindfulness techniques. “Meditation and mindfulness can be great ways to help connect more with our present experiences, and increase our awareness of what’s happening internally,” says Dr. Assar.
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Celebrate the Small Wins
Dr. Jarquin advises people to celebrate the wins, no matter how small. People can set harsh expectations for themselves or get caught up with what society demands of us, explains Dr. Jarquin, adding that, “we work really hard to meet those standards and we beat ourselves up when we don’t.”
Having lofty dreams isn’t bad, but Dr. Jarquin advises setting realistic expectations aligned with our needs, wants and values. We’re more likely to complete these tasks, feel more accomplished and motivated to complete the next task—which contributes to feelings of self-love. The minor accomplishments add up and create momentum for reaching the end goal.
“Stop comparing yourself to others who’ve already graduated or have this type of job,” says Dr. Jarquin. “Focus on yourself and live intentionally and authentically.”
Limit Time on Social Media
A core component of self-love is refraining from self-judgment and comparing yourself to others—an easy trap to fall into if you’re constantly scrolling through social media. Research has found that many people make social comparisons based on what they see on social media, and that there is a strong relationship between social media usage and self-esteem.
Limiting time on social media may alleviate feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression and fear of missing out. One 2018 study in particular suggests limiting social media use to less than 30 minutes a day to improve your well-being[1]Hunt MG, Marx R, Lipson C, Young J. No more FOMO: Limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. 2018;37(10),751-768. .
Find Support If You Need It
Self-love doesn’t sprout overnight. It’s a lifelong practice, and some days will be better than others. “Self-love is not trying to make every day all rainbows and sunshine, but learning to create better experiences,” says Dr. Jarquin.
Dr. Assar adds your self-love needs might change each day—one day you’ll prioritize moving around, and the next you’ll focus on setting work-life boundaries.
If you haven’t grown up learning to self-love, practicing it might seem unnatural at first. Both experts agree therapy is a great place to start. A mental health professional can work with you on increasing awareness of your body’s needs and making positive lifestyle changes.
The people in your life that you trust and feel comfortable with can help you on your self-love journey.
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10 Tangible Ways To Practice Self-Love—Lists, Rituals & More
1.
Create a self-love ritual.
Turn off the TV and unplug from social media for 15 minutes to get centered while moisturizing your skin with intention. As you massage your feet, thank them for getting you to where you need to go; as you moisturize your hands, love them for all the transactions and introductions they've helped you with throughout your life. For a moment, stop taking your body for granted and shower yourself with gratitude.
2.
Build a precious community.
As much as we would like to think we can, we can't do everything ourselves. We need the support and love from people around us to stay motivated and on track. Research shows that positive energy is contagious1, so whether you're building a network or planning to go to a fun event, it's always important to have a community you value around you regularly.
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3.
Make a "What's Working for Me" list.
Truly loving yourself comes from self-acceptance. And one helpful step toward getting to that point of self-acceptance is recognizing what you already have that's great by writing a "What's Working for Me" list. Once you see it on paper and accept all of the positivity in your life, it will make it that much easier to love yourself.
4.
Know that your body is a loving vessel.
Treating your body like a loving vessel will boost not only your self-love but also your energy. Be intentional about what you put into your body, not because you want to look good but because you want to feel good. Feeding your body nutrient-rich foods will have you oozing love out of every pore.
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5.
Clean out your closet.
Tidying is more therapeutic than you might think, and getting rid of old things will make room for new ones to come into your life. Cleansing your mind can sometimes work in the form of letting go of clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc., that remind you of a certain time in your life that links to a negative vibration. Don't chase what's already happened; love yourself enough to know the best is yet to come.
6.
Don't compare yourself to others on social media.
We've all done it. Browsed through social media only to see our favorite media personalities in the middle of a photoshoot for their new books, just after they had awesome shopping sprees and right before the post about their engagements. WHAT?! But remember that these positive pics on the Internet don't always tell the whole story, and everyone—yes, everyone—has bad days.
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7.
Explore your spirituality.
Faith is the foundation for self-love. Whether or not you're religious, believing in something opens up your soul to the beauty of belief and trust. It will build your intuition and help you make decisions based on your intuition. When you explore your spirituality, it will also take you on a journey to learning things about yourself, and those new thoughts, feelings, passions, and raw emotions will make you appreciate yourself for being authentically you.
8.
Do something you're good at.
If this isn’t the ultimate self-esteem booster, I don’t know what is! Self-esteem and self-love often go hand in hand, and participating in a hobby you're good at will not only boost your endorphins but will bring out the best version of you. If you love to cook, then cook! If you love to run, then grab those sneakers, head outside, and run.
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9.
Find your happy place.
Think of a place that makes it simple to just be. Sit quietly and embrace the here and now, not thinking about what's due at work or what bills need to be paid.
10.
Build your letting-go muscle.
We're constantly holding onto things in our past, which can weigh heavy on our souls and even give us low self-esteem. The more blocks we clear, the more we can really live big in the area of self-love. Although we may do this as a way to protect ourselves from hurting, it's really only holding us back from moving forward to reaching optimal self-acceptance and loving who we are.
The Five Love Languages… for Yourself
14,241
Think about it: how would you feel about yourself if you were your partner or other close person? How do you really feel about it? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you good with body and soul?
At times, we all scold ourselves mercilessly and set ourselves up for failure, get carried away with self-flagellation and deprive ourselves of well-deserved rewards, harm our body, not paying attention to it or consciously choosing dangerous and unpleasant situations. This behavior is not only damaging to our mental and physical health, but also to our relationships and careers. Something needs to be done about this.
Perhaps the biggest life lesson we have to learn is to learn to fully accept and love ourselves. Only then can we truly give and receive love. After all, if we love ourselves, then we know that this feeling should not be accompanied by resentment, fatigue and devastation, and if someone loves us, we are sure that we deserve it.
But how to love yourself? Family counselor Gary Chapman identifies five "love languages": five different ways to express love. Here's how to learn to speak to yourself in these languages.
1. Words of encouragement: don't forget to express love for yourself
- Thoughts determine our emotions and behavior. Praise yourself every day.
- Repeat words of encouragement and sympathy to yourself. Show attention and care for your condition.
- Notice your strengths and everything you like about yourself.
Write down any of your achievements, deeds that you are proud of, good deeds, virtues, and so on.
- Maintain a positive attitude in your internal dialogue. Let your inner critic speak more quietly and give way to an inner support group.
2. Help: Prove your love with deeds
- Eat healthy food. Do not be lazy to go to the store and spend time cooking.
- Create a comfortable and aesthetically pleasing home environment. This can be done even on a limited budget. You must like the place where you live.
- Check your physical and mental health regularly. Any problem should be resolved as quickly as possible. Poor health results in a poor quality of life.
- Take care of yourself carefully and with pleasure.
3. Gifts: get evidence of self-love
- Buy only what you like. Don't let things that don't make you feel good show up in your home and closet (by the way, get rid of the ones you already have).
- Give yourself an interesting experience.
Ever wanted to skydive or kayak down a turbulent river? Plan it and put it on your list of expenses for the near future. Do not forget about the help of friends, if necessary.
- Invest in self-development and self-education. Interested in taking a cooking class, earning a degree, or becoming a yoga instructor? Study the situation, try to get a grant or scholarship to learn something new.
- Travel with incredible experiences and discover new horizons. Can't afford it? Go somewhere to volunteer.
4. Time: seize the moments to show love to yourself
- Set aside time for daily practices: meditation, proper breathing, relaxation. This will help you get in touch with your "I".
- Plan your holidays and hobbies. Hobbies and entertainment are an important component of the pleasure of life.
- Sleep is a priority, and do not forget about physical activity. You have to give the body a chance to recuperate, to reboot.
- Do not overwork, exhaust yourself at work, work without lunch and days off.
5. Touch: feel love for yourself
- Relax your muscles, give yourself a massage. Feel the tension leave your body.
- Take a hot aromatic salt bath. Drown stress in it, wash away fatigue.
- Treat yourself to salon treatments: manicure, pedicure, beauty masks, hair care. You are worthy of the most careful care.
Self-love opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Set yourself such a daily goal - and watch the changes take place.
The Buddha said: “You can search throughout the universe for someone who deserves your love and devotion more than yourself, but you will not find such a person. You deserve your love and devotion more than anyone else."
About the author
Joyce Marter is a psychotherapist and clinical consultant at Northwestern University, Chicago. More details on her website.
Source: PsychCentral.
Text: Alina Nikolskaya Photo credit: Getty Images
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Self-love is the key to a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. From the desire to take care of your well-being, all positive changes grow. Give up strict self-criticism, listen to your own needs and preferences, start giving yourself moments of joy. Only in this way will you improve your well-being, improve relationships with others, find inner harmony and fill everyday life with meaning.
We tell you how it works and what you can do right now - out of love for yourself.
Forget about diets
If you are used to debilitating diets, stop bullying yourself immediately. You have every right to enjoy a piece of cake, a plate of fried potatoes, and even a serving of chips.
Would you take a drug that has been proven to be 95% useless? This is the percentage of ineffectiveness of most traditional diets. In addition, they often lead to stress, anxiety, depression, food preoccupation, and problems with the perception of one's appearance.
It is much better to allow yourself to eat a moderate (!) amount of your favorite dessert every day, consciously enjoying it, than to constantly poison your life with strict restrictions, and then suddenly break down and suffer remorse.
Free yourself. Start caring not about the number on the scale or the presence of cubes on your stomach, but about your health, including psychological. Stop constantly criticizing your own body, instead accept and love it.
From this day on, choose the food you like. It is possible that some products will lose all their appeal when you stop avoiding them.
Start moving more
Our body is designed to move. Exercise makes us healthier, stronger and happier. They energize, elevate mood, clear the mind and help resist stress. Some studies show that exercise is as effective as Prozac in treating depression.
If, like most people today, you spend most of your day sitting, you need to look for ways to move more. To do this, you do not need to drag yourself to the gym through force and wear yourself out to the seventh sweat. Any type of physical activity that brings you joy and makes your heart beat faster will do.
Perhaps you've always wanted to learn how to play tennis, dance flamenco or ride a bike. It's time to start!
Even if you are a very busy person, you can always find time during the day to do a couple of exercises, jump a little to your favorite music or just take a walk.
Choose the right goals. Hatred of one's own body and the desire to change one's appearance are bad motivators. Self-love and taking care of your well-being are good things. Training should not become a punishment; their only job is to help you enjoy life more.
Befriend Morpheus
Healthy sleep is vital. We understand this, but we still sacrifice a night's rest to finish the day's work, watch a series or chat on social networks. Is it worth it? Regular lack of sleep leads to emotional instability, poor productivity, weakening of mental abilities, reduced stress resistance and hormonal disruptions. Not in the best way, fatigue affects the appearance.
Think about what is more important to you: a few extra hours in a day (whatever you spend them on) or health, a clear mind and a good mood? During sleep, the body does not just rest, but is updated at all levels. Muscles and tissues are strengthened. The necessary hormones are produced. The brain filters the daily experience and filters out psychological garbage.
Make it a rule to spend at least eight or nine hours in the arms of Morpheus. It's in your interest! Scientists have found that we sleep cyclically, in periods of 90-120 minutes. To fully recover, most people need to go through five such cycles per night.
If you're having trouble falling asleep, have evening rituals to help you unwind and get in the mood for rest. Turn off all gadgets an hour before bedtime. Do something calm and enjoyable. For example, take your dog for a walk, take an aromatic bath, listen to music, meditate, or read a book.
Find a reason for joy and fun
Under the burden of everyday worries, we become too serious and gloomy. But the ability to enjoy life is no less important than sleep or exercise. When tension gets overwhelming, switch to something fun. Try to respond to what is happening with humor, notice funny moments, look for reasons to laugh.
Laughter is a very effective tool for raising the spirit and mood. It invigorates, reduces stress levels, stimulates creative thinking, calms and helps to cope with anxiety. Have fun more often and you will develop a positive outlook on life. Your general condition will improve, and problems will no longer seem so significant and intractable.
Set aside breaks in your schedule to pamper yourself. Think about activities that bring you joy, make you smile, and lift your spirits. Schedule them in your diary. Do not spare time for small pleasures. Thanks to them, you not only become happier in the present, but also provide yourself with pleasant memories in the future.
Of course, not everything can be planned. Be attentive to unexpected opportunities, do not miss the chance to experience something new. If you are about to do some cleaning, and you are suddenly invited to a concert or other interesting event, feel free to change your schedule and accept the invitation!
Set aside time to connect with loved ones
According to scientists, a lack of communication is more harmful to health than obesity, blood pressure and smoking. Strong close relationships are one of the secrets to a fulfilling, healthy, happy life.
Family and friends support us in difficult moments, add confidence, fill us with joy, fill everyday life with meaning and help us cope with any trials. So get out of your shell more often and meet those who are dear to you.
Give the people who matter to you as much love as possible. Give them time, call, show interest in their lives, plan joint events, arrange pleasant surprises. Enjoy the joy of every moment spent in the company of relatives and friends.
Do a good deed
There are many studies confirming that an act of kindness brings joy primarily to the person from whom it comes. Showing compassion, love and care to someone, we experience even more pleasure than when we do something for ourselves. Check it out yourself!
Do any volunteer work, take part in a charity event, feed a stray dog, buy geraniums from your grandmother in the market, become a donor. .. Think of any good deed and do it right now.
By supporting others, we find meaning in life, become better and realize our humanity. This is the highest manifestation of self-love.
Start the upward spiral
The upward spiral is a chain of decisions that, one after the other, energize the body, unlock possibilities, bring joy and inspire.
Happiness comes from the gradual “cultivation” of positive emotions. They layer on each other and enhance the beneficial effect.
The beauty of a growing spiral is that it doesn't take long to start. Start with any positive decision (like going to bed on time or running in the morning). Then add another small change to your life. And further. You will notice that each new step becomes easier and brings more and more joy.
Don't forget: your goal is to take care of your mental and physical health, not punish yourself for imperfection. Acceptance and love will be much more effective guides to a better life than self-criticism.
Show the thought-hooligans who is the boss here
Everyone has come across them at least once. They do not reflect reality, do not help make the right decisions, and do not lead to anything good. Their goals are very different - to incline to counterproductive actions, prevent positive change and make us lose faith in ourselves. Real hooligans! Here are three of the most dangerous among them:
1. Ruthless Perfectionist. This type is very fond of grumbling: “You are doing everything badly. You will never reach your goal. All your efforts are meaningless. Your figure is far from ideal. Look how disgustingly you coped with this task. And how have you not been fired for such hack work yet?” Don't trust him, he just humiliates and intimidates you by coming up with unattainable standards.
2. Stupid Rebel. This guy hates discipline and control. He, as a rule, declares himself just when you are tired of the confusion in your life and are ready to bring a rational touch to it. While you are strenuously trying to change for the better, the malevolent Rebel oppresses his: “Come on, what nonsense! Stop doing nonsense! Who came up with all these rules anyway? Skip your workout. Buy a cake and eat it whole. To hell with your regime!" Do not listen to him, because you are doing good not for anyone, but for yourself.
3. Capricious Child. He constantly whines and yells: "I don't want-oo-oo-oo-oo." The best way to stop his tantrum is to continue doing business as if nothing had happened. You don't need to indulge him. Children do not have developed rational thinking, but you are an adult who is able to manage your emotions. Between what the Capricious Child wants and what you really need, choose the latter.
It is impossible to get rid of hooligan thoughts, no matter how hard you try. They will always blame you and your choices. But this does not mean that you need to give in to them and let them control your life. Just give the impudent eyes a contemptuous look, and then turn around and go do what you think is right.
