Underlying causes of domestic violence
Why Do People Abuse | The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic violence stems from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partner’s lives, often either because they believe their own feelings and needs should be the priority in the relationship, or because they enjoy exerting the power that such abuse gives them.
Tactics of abuse (in any form) may be aimed at dismantling equality in the relationship in order to make their partners feel less valuable and undeserving of respect.
Remember that everyone deserves to have a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship—no matter what.
Abuse is a learned behavior. Some people witness it in their own families growing up; others learn it slowly from friends, popular culture, or structural inequities throughout our society. No matter where they develop such behaviors, those who commit abusive acts make a choice in doing so — they also could choose not to.
There are many people who experience or witness abuse who use their experiences to end the cycle of violence and heal themselves without harming others. While outside factors (including drug or alcohol addiction) can escalate abuse, it’s important to recognize that these issues do not cause domestic abuse themselves.
Who does abuse affect?
Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. Abuse happens regardless of gender, age, sexuality, race, economic status, ability, citizenship status, or any other factor or identity. Feelings of confusion, fear, or anger are normal responses to abuse, but they may also make you feel isolated or like no one will understand. Remember that expert advocates from The Hotline are available 24/7 to talk through your situation and help you build a safety plan tailored to your circumstances.
Being abusive is a decision: it’s a strategic behavior by your partner to create their desired power dynamic.
Regardless of the circumstances of your relationship or past, no one ever deserves to be abused and you’re never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions.
Domestic violence can also strain the people who witness, intervene, or simply recognize the tragic realities of relationship abuse. It can be painful and draining — physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially — to watch the people in our lives abuse or be abused. In that regard, we are all impacted by any and all forms of abuse, and it’s on each of us to take steps in our daily interactions to end and prevent future abusive behavior.
a quote mark iconBeyond the physical risks of leaving an abusive relationship, there are countless other reasons why people stay in their relationships. Survivors deserve to be supported in their decision-making and empowered to reclaim control over their own lives—no matter the circumstances.
What Causes Domestic Violence? | Psych Central
Domestic violence is about power and control. Abuse can happen to anyone of any race, gender, sexual orientation, or religion.
Being hurt by an intimate partner or spouse can be a very confusing and traumatizing experience for survivors of domestic abuse.
People on the outside may wonder why survivors don’t “just leave,” but abusive or violent relationships are often marked by complex dynamics that make it difficult to get away.
And despite societal and cultural stigma around who might experience abuse, domestic violence can happen to anyone. More than 10 million adults in the United States experience abuse by their romantic or intimate partner every year.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, it’s essential to understand that you aren’t at fault for your partner’s behavior. Survivors don’t “make” their abusers punish or target them with physical or psychological abuse.
Abusers use domestic violence to gain power and control over their targets. Domestic violence is a choice on the part of the abuser, but certain underlying factors might sometimes contribute to a person’s propensity for abuse, including:
- experiencing childhood trauma
- holding certain belief systems about hierarchy and domination
- witnessing domestic violence as a child
Domestic abuse, also known as intimate partner abuse, describes any situation where a romantic or intimate partner or spouse uses dominating or violent behavior to exert control over a partner, physically, sexually, or psychologically.
Abuse can begin subtly for many people who experience it. This may make abusive behaviors difficult to discern in some cases, especially during the initial onset of abuse.
The goal of abusers who engage in domestic violence is almost always to control. Abusive partners and spouses may be looking for a way to manipulate you and maintain a sense of dominance.
Domestic abuse can take many forms, including these common types:
- Sexual. Forcing you to participate in nonconsensual acts, including sexual assault and rape, demeaning behaviors, infidelity, or exploitation.
- Physical. Any behaviors that directly harm you physically, including violence such as assault or withholding needs, like food, sleep, or housing.
- Isolation. Preventing you from seeing family, friends, or attending social events.
- Control. Eliminating freedom by controlling you from making your own choices, checking up on you obsessively, dictating your clothing or style choices, or using your children as leverage.
- Emotional. Targeting your insecurities or vulnerabilities; brainwashing.
- Verbal. Using words to threaten, blame, or demean you; screaming and flying into rages.
- Male privilege. Adhering to cultural beliefs that men must be dominant over women.
- Economic. Your partner has complete control over your spending and income, or squanders money on nonessentials.
Experiences of domestic abuse can often include many tactics at once.
You might find verbal and emotional abuse go hand in hand. Or your partner may control all your personal finances because of a belief that “that’s what men are supposed to do.”
Signs of domestic abuse
Because domestic abuse can be subtle and complex, you may not be sure whether what you’re experiencing qualifies as abuse.
Domestic abuse can be much more than physical violence. Even if they don’t cause you physical harm, controlling or dominating behaviors can still be considered domestic abuse.
Signs of financial abuse:
- All the finances are under your partner’s name.
- Your name is used for legal documents without your permission.
- You have an allowance that’s often unrealistic and not self-imposed.
- You’re not allowed to work or have income.
Signs of sexual abuse:
- You’re forced into sexual acts or sex work.
- You’re harmed during intimacy or sexually assaulted
- Birth control is either withheld or forced on you without your consent.
Signs of physical abuse:
- You experience physical assault.
- Unwanted rough play occurs.
- Partner aggression is directed at things you care about, like belongings, children, or pets.
- You’re punished with deliberate reckless driving.
- You’re forced or pressured into taking substances nonconsensually.
- Your partner withholds food, water, or prevents sleep.
- Your partner holds you down or keeps you imprisoned.
Signs of emotional abuse:
- Your partner devalues or dismisses your beliefs.
- Your partner withholds praise or appreciation.
- Your partner is excessively jealous.
- You’re accused of constant infidelity.
- Your partner harms themselves or threatens to harm themselves to get you to cooperate.
- Your partner makes you feel as though you deserved to be punished.
Signs of verbal abuse:
- Your partner insults and demeans you.
- Your partner belittles you in front of others.
- You’re called names.
- Your partner yells, screams, or rages at you.
Signs of control and isolation:
- Your phone calls, text messages, or emails are constantly monitored.
- Your partner demands you prove where you’re at whenever you’re apart.
- You can’t wear certain clothes, do your hair a certain way, or wear makeup, or else your partner guilts or punishes you.
- You’re not allowed to see family and friends.
- Your partner stops you from attending social events.
Patriarchal domination:
- Your partner refuses to do certain “women-only” chores.
- You’re expected to behave in a submissive way.
- You’re not allowed to contribute to decisions.
Domestic violence can be varied and individual, and there is no one cause of domestic violence.
It’s important to remember that domestic violence is a choice, not an uncontrolled impulse. A survivor’s actions cannot cause abusive behavior.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, you are never to blame. You can’t “make” someone abuse you, no matter what an abuser may say.
Even if you could do everything possible to please an abusive partner, their need to control you will likely still show itself through their behavior eventually.
In some cases, intimate partner abuse can be influenced by situations, including your own state of behavioral well-being. For example, if you and your partner both experience tendencies toward domestic violence, the situation may quickly spiral out of control.
While the possible causes of domestic violence may be as complex as some of the warning signs, research suggests much of domestic violence behavior is learned.
Children who witness domestic abuse may grow up thinking physical or psychological violence are acceptable ways to solve conflict. In the same way, raising children to believe a different gender is inferior may result in exhibiting controlling behavior later in life.
The need for control that could lead to domestic violence may be linked to several individual factors, including:
- less access to education
- personality disorders
- substance use
- cultural attitudes
- gender ideologies
- low self-esteem
- struggling with anger management
- insecurity
However, having some of these traits doesn’t automatically mean someone will have an unmet need for control that develops into domestic violence.
Having a partner who is insecure or experiences low self-esteem doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll have tendencies for abuse.
Power and control
Domestic violence is set apart by one partner’s behavior pattern used to gain or maintain control and power over another partner.
Abusers tend to use these behavioral tactics to keep their partner in the relationship.
Usually, abusive behavior starts subtly and gradually and can become continuous over time. With domestic violence, these nuanced behaviors lead to physical, sexual, or psychological violence.
Even when domestic abuse escalates, the more subtle behaviors — like financial or emotional abuse — may continue being used as a method of reinforcing violence by subduing the abused partner further, making them easier to control.
If you notice your partner’s behaviors are increasingly focused on controlling or manipulating you, this could indicate that you may be in an escalating domestic violence situation.
It can sometimes be challenging to seek help if you’re experiencing domestic violence. You might not have access to private communication, or it may not be possible for you to leave your home.
Even if you’ve decided you want to leave, you might not feel safe enough to get out yet.
Options are still available for you as a survivor of domestic violence, even if you might sometimes feel like you’ve hit a dead end in getting help.
No matter where you are in the world, you can find resources available through the United Nations Critical Incident Stress Management Unit at [email protected].
In the United States, you may also receive anonymous, confidential help at any hour through the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or 800-787-3224 (TTY).
The National Domestic Violence Hotline also offers an online chat feature as well as the option to text by sending “START” to 88788.
Additional resources can be found by calling the National Center for Victims of Crime: 855-484-2846.
In the event of an emergency, dialing 911 or contacting your local authorities can provide immediate assistance.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone. Millions of people live with and report domestic violence by an intimate or romantic partner every year.
Your actions can’t cause abusive behavior, and nothing you’ve done can make you “deserve” any form of abuse from your partner or anyone else.
Domestic violence is varied and individualized in different situations. There is no one cause of domestic violence.
Abuse is a choice, and domestic violence stems from a partner’s need to gain power and control. These behaviors may be rooted in:
- childhood experiences
- psychological disorders
- cultural beliefs
Domestic abuse isn’t just physical violence but can be a complex mixture of emotional and mental manipulation. You may find you’re being isolated or can’t wear the things you’d like to wear. You may not have any privacy or freedom.
These nuances and complexities mean that it sometimes can be challenging to identify abuse.
However, help is available if and when you are ready and feel safe enough to leave. And even if you don’t yet feel safe enough to leave, there are still options for seeking support.
There are ways to get help and heal.
Where to find help
If you’re experiencing domestic violence, support is available:
- You can call the the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for free, confidential, 24/7 care and support.
- You can call loveisrespect.org at 866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522 for support if you think you could be in an abusive relationship.
In addition, you can visit The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), a domestic violence prevention advocacy group with a list of resources for relationship abuse help.
Child abuse
Child abuse- Healthcare issues »
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WHO/S.
Becker
© Photo
\r\n
Magnitude of the problem
\r\n
\r\nChild maltreatment is a global problem with serious life-long consequences. Although studies have recently been carried out in some low- and middle-income countries, much data is still lacking.
\r\n
\r\nChild maltreatment is a complex and difficult issue to study. Available estimates vary widely depending on the country and the research method used. Grades depend on the following aspects:
\r\n
- \r\n
- applicable definitions of child abuse;\t \r\n
- type of child abuse being studied; \r\n
- statistical coverage and quality of official statistics; \r\n
- coverage and quality of surveys that require reports from victims themselves, parents or caregivers. \r\n
\r\n
\r\nHowever, international studies show that one quarter of all adults were physically abused as children, and that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 13 men were sexually abused as children.
abuse. In addition, many children are victims of emotional (psychological) abuse and neglect. nine0285
\r\n
\r\nAn estimated 41,000 murders of children under the age of 15 occur each year. This figure underestimates the true extent of the problem, as a significant proportion of child abuse deaths are incorrectly attributed to falls, burns, drowning, and other causes.
\r\n
\r\nIn armed conflict and refugee camps, girls are particularly vulnerable to sexual violence, exploitation and abuse by the military, security forces, other members of their communities, humanitarian workers and others. nine0285
\r\n
Consequences of child abuse
\r\n
\r\nChild abuse hurts children and families and can have long-term consequences. Abuse leads to stress, which is associated with impaired early brain development. Extreme stress can disrupt the development of the nervous and immune systems.
As a result, in adulthood, people who were abused as children are at increased risk of behavioral and physical and mental health problems, such as:
\r\n
- \r\n
- committing or being a victim of violence;\t \r\n
- depression; \r\n
- smoking; \r\n
- obesity;\r\n \r\n
- high risk sexual behavior; \r\n
- unplanned pregnancy; \r\n
- Harmful use of alcohol and drugs. \r\n
\r\n
\r\nAs a result of these behavioral and mental health consequences, abuse can lead to heart disease, cancer, suicide, and sexually transmitted infections. nine0285
\r\n
\r\nIn addition to the health and societal impacts, child abuse also has economic impacts, including hospitalization costs, mental health care, child care, and long-term health costs.
\r\n
Risk factors
\r\n
\r\nRisk factors for child abuse have been identified.
These risk factors are not present in all social and cultural settings, but they give a general idea when trying to understand the causes of child abuse. nine0285
\r\n
Child
\r\n
\r\nIt is important to emphasize that children are victims and should never be blamed for abuse. Some individual characteristics of a child may increase the likelihood of abuse:
\r\n
- \r\n
- child under 4 years of age or adolescent;\r\n \r\n
- unwanted or not living up to parental expectations child; \r\n
- a child who has special needs, who cries constantly, or who has abnormal physical features. nine0005 \r\n
\r\n
Parents or caregivers
\r\n
\r\nSome characteristics of parents or caregivers may increase the risk of child abuse. Among them are the following:
\r\n
- \r\n
- difficulties associated with the newborn;\r\n \r\n
- leaving the child unattended; \r\n
- childhood abuse; \r\n
- ignorance of child development or unrealistic expectations; nine0005 \r\n
- harmful use of alcohol or drugs, including during pregnancy; \r\n
- involvement in criminal activity; experiencing financial difficulties friends and peers may increase the risk of child abuse, for example:
\r\n
- \r\n
- problems in the field of physical or mental health or development of any family member;\r\n \r\n
- discord in the family or violence between other family members; \r\n
- isolation from the community or lack of a supportive circle; \r\n
- lack of support in raising a child from other family members.
\r\n
\r\n
Community and social factors
\r\n
\r\nA number of characteristics of individual communities and communities can increase the risk of child abuse. They include:
\r\n
- \r\n
- gender and social inequality; \r\n
- lack of adequate housing or family support services and institutions; \r\n
- high levels of unemployment and poverty; \r\n
- easy access to alcohol and drugs; \r\n
- inadequate policies and programs to prevent child abuse, child pornography, child prostitution and child labor;\r\n \r\n
- social and cultural norms that support or glorify violence against others, favor the use of corporal punishment, require rigid gender roles, or diminish the status of the child in parent-child relationships; \r\n
- social, economic, health and educational policies that lead to poor living standards or socioeconomic inequality or instability.
\r\n
\r\n
Prevention
\r\n
\r\nChild maltreatment prevention requires a multisectoral approach. Effective programs are those that support parents and instill positive parenting skills. These include:
\r\n
- \r\n
- nurse home visits to parents and children for support, education and information;\r\n \r\n
- parent education, usually in groups, to improve skills raising children, increasing knowledge about child development and encouraging strategies for positively dealing with children; and \r\n
- multi-component activities, usually including parent support and education, early childhood education and childcare. \r\n
\r\n
\r\nOther prevention programs are also promising in some respects.
\r\n
- \r\n
- Abuse Head Injury Prevention Programs (also called Shaken Baby Syndrome and Inflicted Traumatic Brain Injury).
These are usually hospital-level programs targeting young parents prior to their discharge, educating them about the dangers of shaken baby syndrome and recommending interventions for inconsolably crying babies. nine0005 \r\n - Child sexual abuse prevention programs. They are usually held in schools and teach children about the following areas: \r\n
- ownership of one's body;\t \r\n
- the difference between good and bad touch; \r\n
- how to recognize threatening situations; \r\n
- how to say \"no\"; \r\n
- how to tell a trusted adult about abuse. nine0005 \r\n
- \r\n
\r\n
\r\nSuch programs are effective in enhancing protective factors against child sexual abuse (for example, knowledge about sexual abuse and protective behaviors), but data on whether such programs contribute to the reduction of other types of violence are not available.
\r\n
\r\nThe earlier in a child's life such activities are carried out, the more beneficial they are for the child (e.
g. cognitive development, behavioral and social competence, educational training) and society (e.g. reduced delinquency) and crimes). nine0285 \r\n
\r\nIn addition, early recognition of cases, combined with ongoing care for child victims of abuse and their families, can help reduce re-abuse and its consequences.
\r\n
\r\nFor maximum impact, prevention and care interventions are recommended by WHO as part of a four-pronged public health approach:
\r\n
- \r\n
- identifying the problem;\r\n \r\n
- identifying causes and risk factors; \r\n
- development and testing of measures aimed at minimizing risk factors; \r\n
- disseminate information on the effectiveness of interventions and scale up proven effective interventions.\r\n \r\n
\r\n
WHO activities
\r\n
\r\nWHO in collaboration with a number of partners in the following areas:
\r\n
- \r\n
- provides evidence-based technical and normative guidance on child maltreatment prevention;\r\n \r\n
- calls for greater international support for child maltreatment prevention evidence-based children and investment in this area; \r\n
- provides technical support for evidence-based child abuse prevention programs in certain low- and middle-income countries.
nine0005 \r\n
","datePublished":"2022-09-19T19:00:00.0000000+00:00","image":"https://cdn.who.int/media/images/default- source/imported/children-running-jpg.jpg?sfvrsn=50512cc9_2","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"World Health Organization: WHO","logo":{"@ type":"ImageObject","url":"https://www.who.int/Images/SchemaOrg/schemaOrgLogo.jpg","width":250,"height":60}},"dateModified":" 2022-09-19T19:00:00.0000000+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":"https://www.who.int/ru/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/child-maltreatment","@context ":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article"}; nine0285
Key facts
- One in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report being sexually abused as children.
- The consequences of child maltreatment include lifelong physical and mental health damage, and its social and professional consequences can ultimately slow down the economic and social development of a country.
- Child maltreatment can be prevented - this requires a multisectoral approach.
nine0005 - Effective prevention programs can support parents and teach them positive parenting skills.
- Continued care for children and families can help reduce the risk of re-abuse and minimize its consequences.
Child abuse is the mistreatment and neglect of children under the age of 18. It covers all types of physical and/or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, neglect and commercial or other exploitation that results in actual or potential harm to the health, survival, development or dignity of the child in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power. . Intimate partner violence is also sometimes considered a form of child abuse. nine0285
Magnitude of the problem
Child abuse is a global problem with serious lifelong consequences. Although studies have recently been carried out in some low- and middle-income countries, much data is still lacking.
Child abuse is a complex and difficult issue to study. Available estimates vary widely depending on the country and the research method used.
Grades depend on the following aspects: - applicable definitions of child abuse;
- type of child abuse being studied;
- coverage and quality of official statistics;
- coverage and quality of surveys that require reports from victims themselves, parents or caregivers.
However, international studies show that one quarter of all adults were physically abused as children, and that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 13 men were sexually abused as children. In addition, many children are victims of emotional (psychological) abuse and neglect. nine0285
An estimated 41,000 murders of children under the age of 15 occur each year. This figure underestimates the true extent of the problem, as a significant proportion of child abuse deaths are incorrectly attributed to falls, burns, drowning, and other causes.
In armed conflict and refugee camps, girls are particularly vulnerable to sexual violence, exploitation and abuse by the military, security forces, other members of their communities, humanitarian workers and others.
nine0285
Consequences of abuse
Child abuse causes suffering to children and families and can have long-term consequences. Abuse leads to stress, which is associated with impaired early brain development. Extreme stress can disrupt the development of the nervous and immune systems. As a result, in adulthood, people who were abused as children are at increased risk of behavioral and physical and mental health problems, such as:
- committing violence or becoming a victim of violence;
- depression;
- smoking;
- obesity;
- high risk sexual behavior;
- unplanned pregnancy;
- harmful use of alcohol and drugs.
As a result of these behavioral and mental health consequences, abuse can lead to heart disease, cancer, suicide, and sexually transmitted infections. nine0285
In addition to health and societal impacts, child maltreatment also has economic impacts, including the cost of hospitalization, mental health treatment, child care, and long-term health costs.
Risk factors
Risk factors for child abuse have been identified. These risk factors are not present in all social and cultural settings, but they give a general idea when trying to understand the causes of child abuse. nine0285
Child
It is important to emphasize that children are victims and should never be blamed for abuse. Certain individual characteristics of a child may increase the likelihood of abuse:
- child under 4 years of age or adolescent;
- an unwanted child or a child that does not live up to the expectations of the parents;
- a child with special needs, constant crying or abnormal physical features.
Parents or caregivers
Certain characteristics of parents or caregivers may increase the risk of child abuse. Among them are the following:
- difficulties associated with the newborn;
- leaving a child unattended;
- childhood abuse;
- ignorance of child development or unrealistic expectations;
- harmful use of alcohol or drugs, including during pregnancy; nine0005
- involvement in criminal activity;
- experiencing financial difficulties.
Relationships
A number of factors in family relationships or between sexual partners, friends and peers can increase the risk of child abuse, for example:
- a family member's physical or mental health or developmental problems;
- discord in the family or violence between other family members; nine0005
- isolation in the community or lack of a support circle;
- lack of support in raising a child from other family members.
Community and social factors
A number of characteristics of individual communities and communities can increase the risk of child abuse. They include:
- gender and social inequality;
- Lack of adequate housing or family support services and institutions; nine0005
- high levels of unemployment and poverty;
- easy access to alcohol and drugs;
- inadequate policies and programs to prevent child abuse, child pornography, child prostitution and child labor;
- social and cultural norms that support or glorify violence against others, favor the use of corporal punishment, require rigid gender roles, or degrade the status of the child in parent-child relationships; nine0005
- social, economic, health and educational policies that lead to poor living standards or socioeconomic inequality or instability.
Prophylaxis
A multisectoral approach is needed to prevent child maltreatment. Effective programs are those that support parents and instill positive parenting skills. These include:
- home visits by nurses to parents and children for support, education and information; nine0005
- Parent education, usually in groups, to improve child-rearing skills, increase knowledge of child development, and encourage positive child-care strategies; and
- multi-component activities, usually including parent support and education, early childhood education and childcare.
Other prevention programs are also promising in some respects.
- Abuse head injury prevention programs (also called shaken baby syndrome and traumatic brain injury). These are usually hospital-level programs targeting young parents prior to their discharge, educating them about the dangers of shaken baby syndrome and recommending interventions for inconsolably crying babies.
nine0005 - Child sexual abuse prevention programs. They are usually held in schools and educate children in the following areas:
- ownership of one's body;
- difference between good and bad touches;
- how to recognize threatening situations;
- how to say "no";
- how to talk about abuse to a trustworthy adult.
Such programs are effective in increasing protective factors against child sexual abuse (eg, knowledge about sexual abuse and protective behaviours), but there is no data on whether such programs reduce other types of violence. nine0285
The earlier in a child's life such interventions are, the more beneficial they are for the child (eg cognitive development, behavioral and social competence, educational training) and society (eg reduction in delinquency and crime).
In addition, early recognition of cases, combined with continued care for child victims of violence and families, can help reduce re-abuse and its consequences.
nine0285 For maximum impact, prevention and care interventions are recommended by WHO as part of a four-step public health approach:
- problem definition;
- determination of causes and risk factors;
- development and testing of measures aimed at minimizing risk factors;
- disseminate information on the effectiveness of interventions and scale up proven effective interventions. nine0005
WHO activities
WHO is collaborating with a number of partners in the following areas:
- provides evidence-based technical and normative guidance on child maltreatment prevention;
- calls for increased international support for and investment in evidence-based child abuse prevention;
- provides technical support for evidence-based child abuse prevention programs in selected low- and middle-income countries. nine0005
How not to become a victim of domestic violence: advice from specialists
Self-isolation is a difficult test for families in which mutual claims and dissatisfaction are ripe.
People get tired, contradictions intensify. How to understand that the conflict develops into violence? What to do about it? At the webinar of the Institute of Further Professional Education of social workers, useful advice was given by the director of the Crisis Center for Assistance to Women and Children, Natalya Zavyalova and the head. department of psychological assistance of the Lyubov Vyzhanova Center. nine0745 How conflict differs from violence
Disputes on various issues break out in any family. When there are not enough arguments, emotions take their place and conflict arises. In this conflict, of course, there is a place for both irritation and anger, but, in fact, this is nothing more than a search for a solution to the issue. The task of the conflict is either to accept one of the points of view, or to find a compromise that will satisfy everyone. Once a solution is found, the conflict ends.
The purpose of violence is completely different.
For the offender, the main thing is not to resolve the issue, but to prove his superiority, to assert his power, so the subject of the collision is not important for him. Violence is not generated by external circumstances, it is caused by the internal state of a person. Unlike conflict, it is repeated for any, sometimes the most insignificant reasons. nine0285 So:
- conflict always has a real cause — violence is looking for a reason;
- the conflict has a local character - violence is repeated regularly.
Violent actions are far from being only assault. In psychology, there are four types of violence: physical, psychological, sexual, economic. If derogatory assessments, insults appear in a conversation, it means that psychological violence occurs. If the breadwinner of the family uses economic repression, then he uses economic violence. nine0285
Violent scenario
The offender-victim relationship is cyclical. Their life is divided into four phases, repeating in an unchanging sequence.
American psychologist Lenore Walker described this "cycle of violence" in a married couple. - Voltage rise.
- Violent incident.
- Reconciliation.
- Honeymoon.
After a stormy quarrel, as a rule, an equally stormy reconciliation takes place, and then the partners live for some time in an idyll reminiscent of their honeymoon. If not for the third and fourth phases, it would be easier for the victim to get out of the pathological relationship. But another "honeymoon" is coming, love flares up with renewed vigor, and it seems that this time everything will be fine. Unfortunately, this is not the case. nine0285
Behavioral features of a potential aggressor
This is a person who constantly needs confirmation of his power. It limits the freedom of a partner, controls him, isolates him from communication with relatives and friends. When a woman lives in social isolation, communicates only with her family, for psychologists this is a serious signal of family trouble.
The aggressor can force the partner to do something, humiliate or mock him in the presence of strangers. nine0285
He is not ready to take responsibility for his actions. As a rule, such people do not admit the fact of violence (“I didn’t beat her, I just pushed her a little”) or shift the blame on the victim (“She herself is to blame”).
The aggressor is not empathic by nature, so he can be cruel even with children. Reproaches of heartlessness and calls for sympathy are useless here. They only add fuel to the fire.
Aggressors are characterized by emotional instability, sudden mood swings.
Domestic abusers know how to make a good impression on others. If this is a man, acquaintances see him as a caring father and husband, his family is considered exemplary. No one can even imagine that at home behind closed doors this is a completely different person.
What makes the victim endure violence
According to official statistics, women are the most often victims in the family, so we are talking about them.
But everything said is just as true in relation to men. nine0285 Victims of domestic violence tend to be people with low self-esteem. They are suggestible, anxious, insecure, have an exaggerated sense of guilt. They easily blame themselves for everything. Isn't a woman responsible for peace in the family? Shouldn't she be the guardian of the hearth, a caring wife and mother? These stereotypes only reinforce the victim in the thought that the offender is not to blame, and she suppresses her feelings of anger.
A woman often hides the fact of domestic violence out of shame and fear of judgment. She is sure that no one will help her and that she does not deserve help. nine0285
Fear of independent living and the difficulties that will have to be overcome can keep the victim close to the perpetrator. First of all, this applies to women who have abandoned their professional careers and devoted themselves to their families. Often they simply have nowhere to go and nothing to start a new life.
In psychology there is such a term - "learned helplessness". If a person has made several attempts to change circumstances, but nothing has come of it, he gives up and no longer seeks to improve his life, although he has such an opportunity. This is what happens to the victim. Many women try to influence the situation in the family - they leave home, have soul-saving conversations with the aggressor, threaten the court, and so on. Having spent all her resource and having achieved nothing, a woman falls into apathy and remains with the aggressor. nine0285
Advice for those who want to make a difference
Saying "I'm leaving you" is the worst possible decision. The offender will be furious if the world he has built suddenly collapses. Statistics say: the greatest number of quarrels with the use of force occurs precisely at the moment of a sharp break. Therefore, one must act not impulsively, but according to a well-thought-out plan. This plan should include the following points.
- Go to a safe place, such as your parents or friends. You can contact the Center for Help for Women and Children. Being safe, a person returns to himself, begins to hear himself. From this state, you can start thinking about what to do next. nine0005
- Take everything you need with you (money, clothes, medicines, etc.)
- Tell partner: “I have decided to think about our relationship. I am safe."
- If you left with your children, report this to the guardianship authorities so that later you will not be accused of stealing children.
- Start working with specialists: lawyers, doctors, psychologists. How economically dependent are you? How legally vulnerable? How strong is your emotional attachment to the abuser? Comprehensive work will help analyze all aspects of your life. Now the necessary consultations can be obtained online. nine0005
- Gather evidence. Record all cases of harassment: take screenshots of correspondence with threats, record calls.
Report to the police, especially if the stalker breaks the law (damages things, attacks on the street). Even if the police limit themselves to “talking”, the offender will know that he is also under surveillance. - Do not enter into negotiations. If possible, do not make contact with the offender. Do not respond to messages, and, of course, do not agree to a personal meeting. nine0005
- Refrain from posting on social networks. The abuser can determine your location.
What's next?
What will be the way out of your situation is impossible to predict. Each case is individual. For some couples, it is enough to go through a crisis once in order to rethink their attitude towards each other. This is possible if both partners want to keep the relationship and agree to work with a psychologist.
If your partner is not ready for dialogue, you have a lot of work to do, the result of which should be a safe way out of a traumatic situation. If your own resources are not enough, you can always contact Crisis Center for Assistance to women and children :
8 (499) 977-20-10
(Monday-Subbota, 9:00-20:00),
8 (499) 492-46-89
(Monday-Sunday, 9:00-21:00)
KRizis-centr.
