Tips to successful marriage

21 Key Secrets to a Successful Marriage

Wouldn’t you like to know the secret sauce to a happy and long-lasting marriage, especially from those happily married couples who have aced the art of leading a happy relationship?

We unveil 21 keys to a successful marriage that will help you problem-solve the marital issues, disarm the conflicting partner and help you create and maintain a successful marriage.

Whether you are a newlywed or refer to yourselves as ‘old Ball ‘n’ Chain,’ every marriage has its share of ups and downs. While it may sound cliché, lulls and patterns of mundanity are natural to the ebb and flow of married life.

Periods of stress, boredom, and poor communication are part of the course.

“Marriage takes work.”

Marriage does take work, and like anything else in life, you have to do the work to reap the reward. But the work of marriage is not like cleaning the toilet and taking out the trash.

Also Try: Am I Happy In My Relationship Quiz

What does a successful marriage mean to you?

Marriage is a union of two souls, yet the meaning of successful marriage differs from couple to couple. There is no clear definition of a successful marriage. However, here are some standard definitions of a successful marriage.

1. Having a good wife

For some people, a successful marriage means having a good wife. For some marrying, a virtuous woman who will take care of their husband and support him at all costs is what makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: 20 Qualities of a Good Wife

2. Raising a moral family

Some people believe that marriage is the union of two people and the family. They believe as a citizen of society, and they need to raise their kids morally upright.

They believe that if they can raise their children right, society will have better people, and for them, it is the definition of a successful marriage.

3. One with effective communication

Some people believe that clear communication and companionship are the keys to a successful marriage. These people are convinced that talking to each other without reservation and hiding no secrets makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: 16 Principles for Effective Communication in Marriage

4. Living as friends

If you are looking for a simple secret to a happy marriage, this might be it. This is one of the most talked-about definitions of a successful marriage. Some people firmly believe that sharing life as friends is the ultimate key to a successful marriage.

5. Unconditional love and understanding

Another common definition of a successful marriage is commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. Some people believe that good understanding and unconditional love are the keys to a successful marriage. Accept your partner with flaws and understand that nobody is perfect.

What are the most important things in a marriage?

If you are looking for the recipe for a happy marriage, you must understand the essential things in marriage that help keep the relationship healthier. Here are some elements of a successful marriage you should consider if you want to fall under happily married couples.

1. Communication

Believe it or not, communication is the key to a happy marriage. Make sure that you always communicate clearly about what you want and expect. Remember that good communication is what makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: Good Communication Basics

2. Respect

There should be mutual respect in marriage. Without respect, marriage can be toxic and stressful. It would help if you eliminated anything that can lead your partner to disrespect you and vice versa. Understand your partner’s perspective and try to work around that.

Having a different opinion but still understanding where your partner is coming from is an excellent way to show your respect towards your partner.

3. Setting Boundaries

Another important key to a successful marriage is setting personal boundaries without hesitation. You should keep an individual life and take out some time for yourself. You may be going on dates for five days a week, but you should also be able to meet with your friends and family often.

4. Trust

All successful marriages need mutual and unbreakable trust between partners. Although it takes time to build that kind of trust, you have to put in efforts right from the start.

5. Support

Having a supportive partner makes every marriage happy and successful. It is absolutely important to have a partner who believes in you and supports you unconditionally.

21 Key secrets to a successful marriage

The effort that goes into a successful marriage (read happy, functional, and fulfilling) is the type of work that can be fun and therapeutic.

Read on to know their 21 keys to a successful and happy marriage.

1. Be independent

Independence was rated extremely important in a marriage. To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful relationship. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take out time for themselves, enjoy their hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.

Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check-in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.

On the other hand, being dependent weakens your resolve and ability to move forward as a free thinker.

When we maintain our independent sense of self, we will always have something to talk about at the dinner table, and we are forever stronger, healthier, and more attractive to our partners.

Related Reading: Why Is It Important to Be Independent in a Relationship?

2. Be a good listener

We need to talk. Most partners dread this sentence but do you know that if you are wondering how to have a successful marriage, then creating a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go?

While all women should work on active listening, we emphasize this as an area of special attention for men. Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them is a listening ear.

This is due to their programming and how they are taught to relate to others.

Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure.

Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship.

Related Reading: 4 Tips to Be a Better Listener in a Relationship- Why It Matters

3. Agree to disagree

Being good together does not mean that couples agree on every little thing. Most of the couples we interviewed had varying attitudes, opinions, and belief systems; and even held opposing views on major areas in some cases.

All couples should have some level of disagreement somewhere. Successful, loving couples respected the point of view of one another and even had a sense of humor over their points of contention.

Remember, respect is one of the major tips for a successful marriage. Recognize two opposite views; one of them does not have to be correct.

4. Communicate

There are several books out there on the Languages of Love. This was developed of the concept in psychology that each individual has their unique way of communicating love.

By knowing your partner’s preferences and hobbies, metaphors can be used to communicate something the person understands well.

Observe the physical way your partner shows love, and you’ll know what makes a successful marriage.

This could be, washing your car or picking up the kids. It could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, it’s words, letters, and affection.

Our advice for a successful marriage? Figure out your partner’s love language so you will always know how to speak to them. Love languages are often talked about, but couples don’t pay as much attention to this as they should.

Understanding a partner’s love language is the secret to a happy relationship.

Related Reading: 5 Effective Strategies For Communicating With Your Spouse

5. Forgive each other

This can be one of the most complex keys to embrace, especially if you typically hold a grudge. This key goes hand-in-hand with praying together and offering grace.

Forgiveness is an extension of both of those keys. Take a deep breath and forgive your husband for not remembering to stop and grab milk. Forgive your wife for shrinking your shirt.

Forgiveness can transform your marriage, but it takes time and patience with yourself and your partner to look at them and tell them that you forgive them for hurting you in the past.

But if you can forgive your partner, you can move forward together without anger or frustration, and that past pain can begin to heal.

Start small if you can and work up to those big situations. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in marriage and will help you have a more successful marriage this year.

To practice forgiveness here is an educational video that will help you decode one of the keys to a successful marriage:

6. Acceptance

A major relationship killer, lack of acceptance, is a trait more commonly attributed to women known for their nagging. Remember, you married your partner for who he was then and now. Even if we wanted to change him now, we can’t.

The key to a successful marriage lies in realizing this as soon as possible.

When urging or persuading him, you only focus on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.

7. Take responsibility

It is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. When you participate in a project, take responsibility for your successes and failures.

When you and your partner have a disagreement or argument, remember to take responsibility for your actions, including anything you did or said, especially if it was hurtful, unthoughtful, or created adversity.

Related Reading: Why Is Accepting Responsibilities in a Relationship Important?

8. Never take one another for granted

Taking one another for granted may be the most toxic pathogen of all. Once they are comfortable, it is easy for couples to slip into a complacent state – and expectations form.

This is only a matter of human nature, as we get comfortable with what is familiar, but in marriage, you absolutely should never come to a place where you take your partner for granted.

Pledge to respect your partner indefinitely no matter what. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. Most successful marriages have partners who vouch for this.

9. Date night

Among the other tips for a successful marriage, dating is the most ignored and overlooked by couples. It does not matter what a couple does on their date night.

Simply having a night when they spend their time with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have a date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away, so you are free of distractions.

Watch a movie at home with popcorn or go hiking or rollerblading together. Change it up often and be helpful and cheerful for one another. A romantic and thoughtful date night is not just one of the steps to a successful marriage.

It is important to schedule this monthly, if not weekly, to maintain accountability and establish a pattern of importance regarding date night.

Related Reading: Romantic Date Night Ideas Without Breaking Your Wallet

10. Add romance

Wondering how to make a marriage successful? Go old school with your romance. Romantic acts can be many – try giving her a flower someday or place a love note in his briefcase or backpack. Surprise him with his favorite meal, or watch the sunset together.

There is no shortage of marriage tips and ideas, and you’ll be amazed at how far a little romance goes toward strengthening the relationship.

11. Keep intimacy alive

Sex is very important to a healthy marriage. Sex should be regular, and therapists suggest doing it even when you’re not in the mood!

We suggest keeping it interesting by talking about what pleases you and adding any fantasy role-playing, positions, or bedroom props you may want to introduce to keep it exciting.

After all, what is a successful marriage if it doesn’t let you get what you desire?

Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone talks about how making this one conscious decision before getting married can help make a marriage successful.

12. Compliments

“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away.” Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes every day, and paying compliments, will go a long way in your relationships.

Stay positive, and keep track of what your partner does well.

When the going gets rough, and his not-so-great attributes come forward, rather than focusing on the negative, try switching gears, and point out the positive stuff instead.

13. Look for the soft emotion

Behind every “hard” emotion is a soft one; psychologists teach this concept.

When we feel anger, it’s usually masking another emotion behind it, such as sadness, disappointment, or jealousy.

We often use anger as a disguise to protect our vulnerabilities.

Looking for the “soft” or vulnerable emotions underneath someone’s complex display of anger will help keep you connected as you are better equipped to empathize with that person’s genuine emotion.

We are often searching for marriage tips for a successful relationship. Still, We fail to realize that a simple thing such as identifying the reality of emotions can keep us on the right track.

14. Let go of the fantasy

Unfortunately, we are socialized to believe in fairytale endings, and we may carry some false perspectives on reality into adulthood. We need to recognize that, while marriage can be a beautiful thing, it is not effortless, nor will it ever be perfect.

Have realistic expectations and do not fall victim to the fairy tale – you may find yourself sorely disappointed. This is not only one of the most important keys to a successful marriage but plays a massive role in your happiness as an individual too.

15. Do not control

Married people often come to a place where they start to lose themselves, they give in to jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, or they forget that they are separate people away from their partners, and they may try to control their partners.

Most of the time, this is done inadvertently, as expectations may grow over time.

What makes a marriage successful are communication, independent time, and healthy indulgences that will keep any couple on track. If you sense you are being controlled or are the controller, get a handle on it or make an appointment for a family counselor.

16. Never use the D-word

Presuming you don’t want to get a divorce, don’t threaten to. Couples using the D-word or talking about separation during fights use this as a control mechanism. Couples using it threateningly are more likely to see Divorce come to fruition.

Making threats is not a mature strategy for solving any problem, so don’t do it.

17. Pray together

This is one of those keys that takes so little time from jampacked days but gives you space to breathe together.

Before bed each night or right after you tuck the little ones into bed and say prayers with them, pray with your partner.

Take a few minutes to offer thanks and grace to God and each other. These quiet moments when you invite God into your marriage helps to strengthen your emotional connection to God and your partner.

Related Reading: How to Pray With Your Spouse: 8 Steps & Benefits

18. Offer grace to each other

If you’re like me, you are relatively quick to offer grace to the people we work with each day or to our children when they make mistakes.

Too often, we hold grudges or harbor anger with our partners rather than offering them that same grace that flows so easily in many other areas of our lives.

Our partner often take the brunt of our frustrations and setbacks, and we forget that we have to also seek the good in them.

My wife didn’t mean to leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight; she fell asleep after putting our daughter to bed. Instead of grumbling about the dishes, you need to offer her grace. Load the dishwasher and maybe bring her a cup of coffee too.

‘Being quick to grace and not to frustration’ goes a long way to setting our marriages up for success.

19. Have patience for each other

Parenting books talk about how children often behave the worst for their parents because they are most comfortable and safe at home. The same holds for successful marriages.

We often show our worst sides to our partner because we are comfortable and safe with them. That can often look like frustration and a severe lack of patience.

We get frustrated when they take forever in the shower or when they aren’t home at the exact time they said. Remember, this is the person you love most in the world. Grant them the same patience you grant to your toddler at the very least.

20. Respect each other (in private and in public)

One of the highest compliments you can give to another person is to have them hear that you have been singing their praises to others when they aren’t even there.

When you are out and about professionally or socially, respect your partner by singing their praises in conversations. Also, respect your partner through your actions, both in public and private.

If you said you would be home by 5, be home by 5 (as often as you can). If you are running late, respect your partner enough to call.

In private, respect your partner by speaking to them as if they matter to you. Sing their praises in front of your children. Listen to them when they tell you about their day. It is such a simple gesture, and it matters.

21. Encourage each other

It is important to know your partner’s hopes and dreams. This new year is a great time to talk about your goals.

When your partner shares their goals and resolutions with you, please encourage them to accomplish them. Make their goals as necessary as your own.

Be their biggest cheerleader, and do your best to help them and give them the space they need to meet their goals for the year. This also works for the goals you set together.

How can you push and support each other to be the best version of yourselves that you can be? Make your individual and couple goals a priority and celebrate your progress throughout the year.

Conclusion

Most happy couples swear by these successful marriage tips. Follow these keys to a successful marriage, and you will be able to save your marriage and enjoy a highly successful one.

50 Best Marriage Tips of All Time, According to Relationship Experts

If you want your marriage to make it, then you need to devote time, effort, and energy to your spouse, no matter how new or old your partnership is. Even stable marriages require regular maintenance and management. To help you keep your promise to live happily ever after, we talked to therapists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, and consulted tons of research to gather the best pieces of marriage advice we could find. With these marriage tips, you will be setting yourself up for a happy and healthy relationship for years to come.

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Don't forget to give your spouse a hug and a kiss before you leave for work. It doesn't take more than a few seconds and can make a big difference in your relationship. "Affection keeps the juices flowing and the romance alive," explains psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of How to Be Happy Partners.

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When your spouse confides in you, that's not something to take lightly. And even if the secret they shared with you seems small and trivial, it's not something you should tell friends and family members—no matter what.

"What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner," Tessina says. "Recognize what is important to your partner and don't discuss it with your friends or family."

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Everyone gets annoyed with their significant other sometimes, and that's fine. However, a good spouse never, ever airs their grievances publicly.

"Even when it sounds like a joke, our partners are hurt, embarrassed, and shamed when we discuss private matters with family or friends," says dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca. "As tempting as it may be to bring up those incidents with others, resist. It's disrespectful and won't lead to a positive resolution."

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Nobody enjoys hearing about the things they're doing wrong, even when it's necessary. That's why Sedacca says that "when you need to express criticisms or frustrations with your partner, start with a compliment first. It's also smart to end with a reminder of something else you like about them." Doing so, she says, "puts the negative statements in perspective"

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Even in tense situations, sometimes all you need is a moment of levity to change the tone of the conversation. "If something frustrating is happening, try easing the tension with a bit of humor," suggests Tessina. "Don't poke fun at your mate, but use shared humor as a way to say, 'I know this is tough, but we'll get through it.' Your partner will think of you as someone soothing and helpful to have around when problems happen."

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Make sure that it's not just you or just your spouse who is taking care of your household. One 2013 study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that couples were happier when they shared household and child-rearing duties.

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No relationship is perfect and there will always be minor things your spouse does that irk you, but that doesn't mean they warrant a serious discussion. "You can let his/her bad habits bother you to distraction—or you can accept them and work around them," Tessina says. "Does she leave the cap off the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes. Does he leave clothes laying around? Ignore them, or pick them up, remembering just how much he does for you in other ways."

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It's natural to get angry sometimes. But having a discussion with your spouse, instead of an argument, is healthier in the long run. A 2012 UCLA study found that those who argued angrily were more likely to be divorced 10 years later than those who hashed things out conflict civilly.

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So, how do you avoid things escalating to the point of fighting angrily? When you and your spouse are frustrated, "take a few minutes to walk around the block, lay down, [or] just get away from each other so you can regroup," says Tessina. "A short break will allow you both to stay on track and discuss what's bothering you instead of accidentally making personal insults that you will regret later. "

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Conflict isn't the only thing that can make your marriage turn sour. According to a 2009 University of Michigan study, boredom is a serious issue for married couples, too. So you should do your best to pepper your routine with some moments of unpredictability. Go on surprise day trips; take a class or do an activity together; plan a vacation abroad—whatever you do, just make sure things remain exciting, a throwback to the beginning of your relationship.

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"Never stop dating," says certified emotional intelligence coach Bradley K. Ward, PCC. He notes that you can easily keep your relationship as fun and as loving as it was at the start simply by treating it exactly like you did then.

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When you have kids, it can be nearly impossible to find alone time. So, when you do make it out, use the "BEWIK" rule to establish topics that are off-limits: bills, exes, work, in-laws, and kids. "This helps couples remember why they fell in love in the first place," says Michael Bloomberg, whose program, Date-night-ology, is designed to help couples reconnect.

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During date night, make an effort to keep your cell phone in your pocket. "Give your date the priority of your time and your full attention they—and your relationship—deserve," says Los Angeles-based licensed marriage and family therapist David Strah. If you have kids, he suggests giving the babysitter a special ringtone in case of an emergency.

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"Make an effort for your partner [on date night]," suggests Strah. "Wear something that shows you care about how you look. Dress as if you are trying to catch their eye and reel them in again." A little effort goes a long way in rekindling that spark!

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Your spouse should always be your first priority—no matter what. Strah notes that you can show them that they are No. 1 by "being extra nurturing or by doing things you might not want to do—within healthy boundaries."

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The average couple waits six years after having a relationship problem to seek help, according to Bloomberg. Instead of letting things escalate, talk things out with your spouse and address the issue directly.

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There is a huge difference between supporting your spouse as they work on making healthy changes and asking them to be someone they're not. "It's not that your partner will never change. It's that you cannot change your partner," Karl Pillemer, PhD, head researcher behind the Cornell Marriage Advice Project, explains in his book 30 Lessons for Living.

"You may support your partner in an attempt to make a change, and you may change together. But what's misguided is the idea that you can push your husband or wife to change in the direction you have chosen for him or her," Pillemer writes. "People who finally accept their mate for who and what they are, rather than seeing them as a do-it-yourself project, find the experience liberating—and are much more likely to have happy and satisfying relationships for decades."

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We're schooled early on to think of friendship and romantic love as different. However, what makes friendships work are the same things that make a marriage work.

"We look forward to being with friends, we relish their company, we relax with them, we share common interests, and we talk openly," Pillemer writes in his book. During his research for the Cornell Marriage Advice Project, one 87-year-old told him, "Think back to the playground when you were a child. Your spouse should be that other kid you would most like to play with!"

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The next time you want to make your spouse smile, remind them of a time when the two of you were happy as ever. "'Remember when…' is a great beginning to a loving conversation. It creates so much good feeling to remember how you were when you were dating, when you got married, when you first bought your house, when you had your first child, etc.," says Tessina. "Reminding yourselves of your solid history together is a way to increase your bond."

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The way you feel about your spouse is bound to change over time as you both evolve as people. And if you want your marriage to last, you need to embrace this change rather than try to turn back time.

"Quality relationships include the understanding that the definition and conceptualization of love constantly changes," explains clinical psychologist Stephanie J. Wong, PhD. "Many people associate love with the 'butterflies' that occur when first dating someone. As time goes on, you may still get butterflies, but it can also evolve to mutual respect, an advanced understanding of each other's likes and dislikes, and appreciating a partner's strengths."ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb

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"Never use the worn-out saying, 'We are just growing apart,'" warns Stacey Greene, author of Stronger Than Broken: One Couple's Decision to Move Through an Affair. "All of humankind is constantly growing, changing, and evolving. You can choose to grow together by changing, growing, and evolving as a couple."

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People love to feel appreciated. And if you want to make your spouse feel extra special, an easy way to do so is with little love notes scattered around the house.

"Whether you write 'I love you' in a lipstick heart on the bathroom mirror, leave a bright pink Post-It note on their car window, or handwrite a real love letter that you cover in heart stickers and spray with perfume, it is nice for your partner to receive something sweet that they can keep as a memento," says licensed marriage and family therapist Christine Scott-Hudson, MA. "Give your partner something meaningful to keep when you are old and gray, and they'll be happy to grow older with you!"

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Texting shouldn't be the preferred method of communication in any relationship. However, when it comes to your marriage, it pays to send sweet nothings via SMS every now and again. In fact, a 2013 study published in the Journal of Couples & Relationship Therapy showed that texting affectionate messages was positively associated with relationship satisfaction.

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Mood swings and angry outbursts happen to the best of us. However, what differentiates a good spouse from a bad one is owning up to those not-so-great days and learning from them.

"If you have a bad day, don't blame it on your partner, your boss, or traffic. Remember that your moods and feelings are your responsibility," says Scott-Hudson. "In healthy marriages, each partner owns their own feelings, behaviors, and moods. They don't blame anyone else for their own bad moods—they take ownership instead."

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"One thing that can stop a fight in its tracks is to remember that you are on the same team," says Scott-Hudson. "Don't go for the low blow or say the inflammatory thing that will only further serve to upset and hurt your partner. You love them. You are a team. Act like it. Think, 'What would resolve this as a win for both of us?'"

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Your spouse fully expects any conversation they have with you, their partner, to be judgement-free. When your significant other comes to you for advice or even just for a venting session, it's vital that you listen to them not just attentively, but also openly. "Communication involves being empathetic, nonjudgmental, and selfless when your partner needs your help," says Tiffany C. Brown, PsyD, owner of mental health clinic Family First Counseling.

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If you want your marriage to last, then you need to learn how to apologize and actually mean it. "An apology signifies that you have insight into your behaviors and that you see your role in the situation," says Brown. And make sure that it's not always you or always your spouse having to say sorry. "If one partner is always the person apologizing, this is an imbalance in the relationship and will lead to problems in the marriage," she explains.

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Marriage counselors are only there to help you and your relationship. So going to therapy hardly makes you a failure. In fact, one 2010 study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that marriage counseling can help even the most distressed of couples, so long as both you and your spouse are willing to change and improve.

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You and your spouse don't have to have everything in common in order to make your marriage work. As your relationship progresses, though, Janet and Steven Hall, authors of 15 Rules for a Loving, Lasting, and Satisfying Relationship, suggest taking up new activities with your spouse so that the two of you have something to bond over.

"It's those new interests and new experiences—discovered while on a vacation, for instance—that help to add a spark to a relationship," they explain. "In those experiences, a couple may rediscover why they fell in love in the first place and, more importantly, learn how to have fun together."

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If you want your marriage to be successful, you have to understand the need for time apart. According to a 2004 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, having hobbies and friends outside of one's marriage is key to having high satisfaction inside the marriage as well.

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Your spouse might be your best friend, but that doesn't mean that they should be your only friend. On the contrary, one 2017 study from the University of Texas at Austin found that spouses who had strong support systems were better able to distract themselves when their marriages became too stressful. In other words, your other close friendships could translate into less serious fights with your spouse!

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Having friendships with other couples isn't just good for date night. According to research out of the University of Maryland School of Social Work, couples who actively seek out friendships with other couples tend to be happier and more closely connected.

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"Take time to zoom out of the relationship together and inquire into questions like, 'How is the relationship doing?' 'Where have we been struggling?' 'What has been good?' 'What do we desire?' 'How can we support each other?'" suggests relationship coach Marie Anna Winter. Doing this strengthens the bond between you and your spouse and makes both of you more aware of what is and isn't working in your relationship.

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Speaking of questions, when you find yourself unsure in your marriage, Strah suggests asking yourself a particularly important one: "What is the purpose of my relationship?"

"This question can often help people clarify their needs, what they like and don't like about their relationship, what they would like more of, and most importantly, how they can be more supportive of their partner," he explains. "I believe this is a foundational approach to relationships—like a mission statement."

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You want to watch The Bachelor. He wants to watch hockey. They're both on at the same time. You could argue about it until both programs are over, or you could learn how to compromise like every good couple does. "Accept that you won't get everything on your list of wants and needs and desires," says Strah. "You need to do some things you might not want to for the good of the relationship."

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Looking for a Sunday outing idea? Hit the dog park—even if you don't have a pup of your own. A 2017 Florida State University study found that marriage quality improved when couples were conditioned to associate their spouse with cute animal photos.

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It's quality over quantity when it comes to sex. That's according to a 2016 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that looked at marital satisfaction and found that frequency of sex was not as important as the quality of it.

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Don't be afraid to do your research when it comes to sex. Even an old dog can learn new tricks. According to a 2016 Chapman University study, sexually satisfied couples read sex advice online or in magazines—and then give it a whirl.

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Imagine coming home from work to a sink full of dishes. Now, instead of yelling at your spouse for not cleaning up, talk to them productively about your frustration. "I have found softer language to be one of the biggest game changers in successful marriages," says California-based therapist Jacob Kountz. "It gets the same message across but in a softer tone."

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Everybody has a different love language. And in a marriage, part of being a good spouse is understanding your partner's unique one: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch. "You might like physical touch and they may like quality time. Get to know your language so you can tell them what you enjoy and vice versa," explains Kountz.

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If finances and space allow for it, then you and your spouse should use separate bathrooms. Paige Arnof-Fenn has been happily married for nearly three decades, and she told Best Life she attributes her success to this very trick. "I always say the secret to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms!"

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No matter your income levels or assets, it's important to consult a third party financial planner or counselor who can help you work on common goals, settle disagreements, and take the emotion out of the often highly charged issue that is money. One 2018 survey from Ramsey Solutions found that money fights are the second leading cause of divorce after infidelity, so having someone to help you through your financial woes could just save your marriage.

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Sure, you say "thanks" for the big things—a gift, date night, or bouquet of roses, for example. But what about all those little things your spouse does to make your life easier and better? If you aren't expressing your gratitude for these things already, you might want to start. According to a 2015 study from the University of Georgia, the greatest predictor of marital quality is the ability to express gratitude.

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"When your spouse is communicating with you, immediately stop multi-tasking," suggests Bracha Goetz, author of Searching for God in the Garbage. "Your spouse will instantly feel valued, and the rest of your married life can become like your first exciting date together."

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Does your spouse dream of getting their master's degree? Do they hope one day to earn their pilot's license? Whatever their goal may be, your job as a loving spouse is to support them as they work toward achieving it. Similarly, you should talk openly and honestly about your vision for the future, so your partner can support you in any and every way.

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It's unfair to assume that your spouse is a mindreader and always knows when you're in need of emotional support. By telling your partner that you need help, you are making your needs known and putting the ball in their court. Research from the University of Iowa published in 2008 even found that when wives were open and honest about their needs, they were happier in their marriages.

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Yes, there is such a thing as being too supportive. In the same University of Iowa study, researchers found that too much informational support—typically in the form of unsolicited advice—can harm a marriage.

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"Empathy is the secret sauce, the key ingredient to a genuinely happy marriage," marriage counselor Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC, writes on her website. "When couples have empathy for each other, they understand why all the other stuff is important and they feel motivated to do the things that will help their relationship feel better for both of them. "

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The dreaded D word is the last thing any married person wants to hear their spouse say. Unless you're serious about getting a divorce, don't even bring it up as a possibility. Threatening divorce is not a way to scare your spouse into couples' therapy, and it's not a healthy way to fix any other problems you may be having.

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Leave the past in the past and let every day be a clean slate between you and your spouse. Even if your spouse said something mean or did something aggravating, "try to forgive your partner for the slights of yesterday," says licensed marriage and family therapist Caroline Madden, PhD. "Start each morning fresh. Accept that we all have bad days where we aren't the loving partners we ideally would like to be."

15 secrets of a happy marriage - Lifehacker

April 19, 2016 Life

In real life, you can achieve the same "and they lived happily ever after." Certainly not in a couple of days or months. It will take a lot of constant small actions and decisions, and on the part of both partners. Just do not wait for that joyful day when happiness comes. One must find it daily in simple things and wise attitudes.

1. Do not delay happiness

We often expect that family happiness will come with buying an apartment, a car, getting a good new job or additional education. No. We must be happy now and with what we have.

2. Be grateful and tell your loved one about it

Gratitude breeds happiness. Even in the most ordinary things, find reasons to be grateful. And most importantly, do not forget to express it. That magic word “thank you” actually works wonders, and we need to use it more often in marriage. “Thank you for what you do for me”, “Thank you for fixing the faucet”, “Thank you for being so sweet”, “Thank you for a delicious dinner” - look for reasons to be grateful, and you will find them.

3.

Trust each other

A marriage tormented by jealousy will not last long. Trust your spouse and don't give reasons to distrust you.

4. Avoid quarrels

Quarrels over trifles are the biggest pitfall of marriage. Feel the approach of a quarrel - cool down: take a walk, take a shower, rest. When the emotions subside a bit, you can talk calmly.

5. Show your love physically

Touch each other, hug, kiss, hold hands. Healthy sexual relationships are very important, but don't just focus on them. Any abuse does not lead to good. It destroys romantic love and the natural beauty of intimacy in marriage.

6. Be honest when it comes to finances

Family happiness is impossible if there is misunderstanding, especially when it comes to money.

7. Surprise each other

Do something unexpected: leave a note in your pants pocket; give a flower when you meet her from work; make a small gift; arrange an unexpected romantic dinner or send an SMS with a declaration of love.

8. Compliment each other

Tell us how you like the smile, character, voice, eyes, hair of your loved one. That you appreciate him as a great parent for your child or as a professional at work. Your loved one needs to know that you admire them.

9. Support each other

Support each other in personal and professional projects, on days of illness, sadness or weakness. Help overcome difficulties. Marriage is like a long journey in a fragile boat: if one passenger starts to rock it, the second must keep it afloat, otherwise both will drown.

10. Move in the same direction

Happiness in marriage is possible only if the spouses have the same outlook on life, similar values and interests, behavior and goals.

11. Be who you were when you met

At the beginning of a relationship, we are all amazing, attractive and do thousands of things to show our partner the best of ourselves. After some time, an understanding comes of what kind of person is actually next to us, what his shortcomings are, how he behaves in various situations. It is natural for mature relationships to develop into marriage.

But after marriage, some people calm down and do not consider it necessary to try to please their loved one. Suddenly feel that most of the time the houses can look untidy, rude and grumpy. Of course, it is difficult to keep the body and face the same as in youth: age and gravity are merciless. Nevertheless, much can be done to remain in a decent physical, intellectual, moral and emotional state. A good marriage is a perpetual motion.

12. Talk

Talk solves problems.

13. Forget about selfishness

Caring for the well-being of a partner is one of the most important moments in achieving family happiness. Put selfishness aside and try to take care of your partner the same way you take care of yourself.

14. Be faithful in thoughts, words and actions

Happiness is a subtle matter. How often marriages have failed because one of the spouses fell in love with someone and could not get it out of his head. And in the end it ended in a serious mistake. Feel the danger - run from the temptation.

There are always three fools in treason.

Carlos Drummond de Andrade (Aeroporto Carlos Drummond de Andrade)

poet

15. Ask for forgiveness and forgive

We are all imperfect. If you make a mistake, do not waste time, sincerely ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. And when a loved one hurts your feelings, forgive him. For a full life for both spouses, it is important to be able to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

In other words, the main secret of a happy marriage is to do good, to be wise in words, actions and thoughts. Treat your partner the way you want them to treat you. And if you want to realize how a word or decision will affect your marriage, imagine yourself in the place of a partner, and you will understand how to act.

20 little secrets of a happy marriage

March 20Relationships

Falling in love and getting married is easy. It is much more difficult to maintain a relationship later.

— 1 —

Share everything with each other. All feelings. Without this, there will be no mutual understanding.

- 2 -

Touch each other more often and have more sex. Even when you are no longer young. Physical displays of affection create intimacy.

- 3 -

Don't get hung up on the little things. Relationships are so much more than any petty fight. It is unlikely that in 10 years it will be important who washed the dishes today.

— 4 —

Make time for yourself and your hobbies. When each partner is happy and satisfied with life, you will be happy as a couple.

— 5 —

Make compromises. Rate how important the decision is to you on a scale of 1 to 10 and ask your partner to do the same. If for you dinner in a restaurant is 5, and for a partner a quiet evening at home is 9, compromise and stay at home.

- 6 -

Do not ignore your partner after a fight. Discuss everything that hurts as quickly as possible. If you accumulate emotions for a long time, sooner or later you will explode.

- 7 -

Be patient. Both of you will change and develop. You will not always be happy with how your partner changes. Maintaining a relationship takes patience.

- 8 -

Celebrate together when something good happens.

- 9—

Talk about what you need. Your partner doesn't read your mind. If you feel that you are moving away from each other, say so.

- 10 -

Find new hobbies together to spend more time together. Ride bikes, take cooking classes, or tend your garden. This will strengthen your relationship.

- 11 -

Have dates. Spend time together, no matter how much work or problems you have. At least go for a walk or cook dinner together.

— 12 —

Plan your budget together. This is a great opportunity to discuss future plans and think about how to implement them.

- 13 -

Surprise each other. Leave a note, give a small gift, cook your favorite meal, or plan a weekend getaway. So you remind your soulmate of your love.

- 14 -

When something good has been done for you, be openly grateful. The partner knows that you are pleased, but will be delighted to hear it.

- 15 -

Laugh and make each other laugh. Don't take it all so seriously.

- 16 -

Put yourself in your partner's place before you judge him. Avoid excessive criticism and negative comments.

- 17 -

Be friends in pairs, but don't forget to chat with your friends individually.

- 18 -

Trust your partner and be trustworthy yourself.

- 19 -

Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Remind yourself what qualities attracted you to a partner, and appreciate them.

- 20 -

Enjoy what you have now. Whatever stage of your marriage you are in, enjoy every moment together.

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