Tips on how to love yourself
13 Habits of Self-Love Every Woman Should Adopt
By Alison Rachel Stewart — Fact checked by Steven O'Brien — Updated on September 18, 2018
Last year was a difficult one for me. I was really struggling with my mental health and was suffering from depression and anxiety. Looking around at other beautiful, successful women, I wondered: How do they do it? How do they manage to feel so good?
I wanted to find out, and I wanted to share with other women who, like me, wanted to feel happy — wanted to feel well. Tapping into my creative energy, I set out to compile a resource anyone could use. I asked women I knew: What are your mantras and habits of self-care?
What they told me was both revolutionary and a total no-brainer at the same time. If I can practice them, I know you can, too. Here are 13 recipes for self-love that are simple in practice and multifaceted in their benefits.
We’re socialised to be competitive, so comparing ourselves to others is natural. But it can be dangerous. There’s just no point in comparing yourself to anyone else on the planet because there’s only one you. Rather, focus on yourself and your journey. The shift of energy, alone, will help you feel free.
In that same vein, don’t worry about what society thinks or expects of you. You can’t make everyone happy, so this is a waste of time and will only slow you down on your journey to being the best you.
We’re told again and again from a young age “nobody’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes.” But the older you get, the more pressure you feel never to fail. Cut yourself some slack! Make mistakes so you can learn and grow from them. Embrace your past. You’re constantly changing and growing from who you once were into who you are today and who you will be one day.
So, forget about that voice in your head that says you need to be perfect. Make mistakes — lots of them! The lessons you’ll gain are priceless.
This is fundamental! So many things in the world want to distract you from this powerful truth.
Sometimes even your own internalized sexism affirms your thoughts of inadequacy. You are valuable because you are you, not because of your body.
So, wear what makes you feel good. If it’s a lot or if it’s a little, wear what makes you feel confident, comfortable, and happy.
Not everybody takes responsibility for the energy they put out into the world. If there’s someone who is bringing toxicity into your life and they won’t take responsibility for it, that might mean you need to step away from them. Don’t be afraid to do this. It’s liberating and important, even though it may be painful.
Remember: Protect your energy. It’s not rude or wrong to remove yourself from situations or the company of people who are draining you.
Like erring, feeling afraid is natural and human. Don’t reject your fears — understand them. This healthy exercise can really help with your mental health. Interrogating and evaluating your fears helps you to gain clarity and unmask issues in your life that were causing you anxiety.
That, in turn, can help alleviate some — if not all — of your anxiety.
We so often doubt ourselves and our ability to do what’s right, when most of the time we do know in our hearts what’s best. Remember that your feelings are valid. You’re not losing touch with reality. You know yourself better than anyone else, so be your best advocate.
The timing is never going to be perfect for that next big step in your life. The set up may not be ideal, but that shouldn’t hold you back from reaching to meet your goals and dreams. Instead, seize the moment because it may never come back.
Don’t feel bad about doing this. Women, especially, can grow accustomed to putting others first. Although there’s a time and a place for this, it shouldn’t’ be a habit that costs you your mental or emotional well-being.
Find the time to decompress. Without decompressing and recharging you can put serious strain on yourself. Whether it’s spending the day in bed or outdoors in nature, find what helps you decompress and dedicate time to this.
Allow yourself to feel things fully. Lean into pain, revel in your joy, and don’t put limitations on your feelings. Like fear, pain and joy are emotions that will help you understand yourself and ultimately realize that you are not your feelings.
Get into the habit of speaking your mind. Boldness is like a muscle — it grows the more you exercise it. Don’t wait for permission to take a seat at the table. Join the conversation. Contribute your thoughts. Take action, and know that your voice is just as important as anyone else’s.
Try to notice at least one beautiful, small thing around you every single day. Make note of it, and be grateful for it. Gratitude not only gives you perspective, it’s essential to help you find joy.
The world is full of harsh words and critique — don’t add yours to the mix. Speak kindly to yourself, and don’t call yourself mean things. Celebrate yourself. You’ve come so far and grown so much. Don’t forget to celebrate yourself, and not only on your birthday!
Even if you don’t feel particularly powerful, think about how far you’ve come, how you’ve survived.
You’re here, right now, alive and powerful beyond your knowledge. And be patient with yourself. Self-love may not happen overnight. But with time, it will settle itself into your heart.
Yes, you may struggle, but you’ll look back on these moments and see how they were stepping stones on your journey to being the best you.
Share on Pinterest
Alison Rachel Stewart is an artist and the creator of Recipes For Self-Love, a collaborative initiative that celebrates habits, practices, and meditations for self-care and wellness. When she’s not creating personalized items for her Etsy store, you can find Alison writing songs with her band, creating illustrations, or exercising her creative energy into a new project. Follow her on Instagram.
33 Tips to Regain Self-Love
There are so many ways to practice self-love — the options truly are limitless. It may start with self-care and self-respect.
If you’re looking for some ideas to get started, these are some great first steps towards loving yourself.
1. Plan your escape
It’s not uncommon to feel drained when you’re constantly working to meet the needs of others — especially when you’re a caregiver. And when those others (kids, for example) live in your house, it can be difficult to find time for self-love.
That’s why taking breaks from those who rely on you most can be so beneficial when you’re learning self-love.
Maybe that means a night at a local hotel (just you) to watch a movie, sleep in, and eat uninterrupted. Or it could be lunch by yourself with a good book and no one requesting anything of you.
2. Book a therapy session
Taking care of your mental health is one of the best things you can do to show self-love.
Finding a therapist you trust can help you identify areas where you’d like to improve your mental health and create strategies for working toward that. In therapy, you can learn to love yourself more effectively.
3. Spend time in nature with those you love
Fresh air is often therapeutic, and outdoor adventures with the people you love can put a smile on your face.
You might plan a hike with a romantic partner, or maybe a bike ride with your kids.
Looking to learn more about the benefits time in nature can have on mental health? Here’s a deeper dive.
4. Adopt a pet
Shelters are full of pets in need of loving homes, and the unconditional love we get from our furry family members can be a true mood booster.
If you can’t adopt right now, volunteering could also be a good option. Even spending time at a pet store, an adoption agency, or with a friend’s fur baby can be comforting.
Giving yourself these peaceful and joyful moments is an effective way to love yourself.
5. Fill your home with things that make you smile
Home should be your safe place, your sanctuary. Consider filling yours with what brings you joy, whether it’s live plants, pictures of happy memories, or art you love to look at.
6. Go screen free
Take a break from your screens and put your phone into “do not disturb” mode. No notifications, no outside noise, and no distractions could equal peace of mind and self-love.
7. Give yourself permission to say ‘no’
You can’t be everything to everyone, and it’s hard to give anything your best if you’re constantly trying to do it all. When you practice saying “no,” it allows you to take on what you can handle. This is a great way to respect and love yourself more.
If you’re not in the habit of telling people “no,” it can feel challenging and even anxiety-inducing. Here are some tips for getting started.
Still, if you need to say “yes” to someone, you can say it and put limits or boundaries in place. For example, you could say, “Yes, you can come over at 1 p.m., but I’ll need you to leave at 3 p.m.”
8. Eat alone
Especially for parents who often have little ones stealing from their plates, taking time to eat alone — whether it’s a coveted dessert or a full-course menu — means you don’t have to share with anyone.
Mindful eating is one way to make mealtime feel that much more rejuvenating. Here are some quick steps to practice mindfulness while you eat:
- Minimize and set aside distractions, like the TV or your phone.
- Take some time to breathe in the scent of your meal. What herbs or spices do you smell?
- Enjoy your food one bite at a time, and enjoy the flavors you might often be too busy to notice.
If you want more info on mindful eating, this article gives an in-depth look at its benefits, where the practice came from, and how to get the most out of it.
9. Read a book
It’s easy to convince ourselves that we don’t have time for this simple pleasure, but reading can serve as such a great escape. Even just allowing yourself one chapter a night can be an act of self-love.
Research backs up the practice of reading for mental health. For example, one literature review found bibliotherapy — where you use a workbook and similar methods to manage some mental health conditions — could help teens manage depression.
10. Carve out time for exercise
Research has found countless benefits (both mental and physical) to daily exercise. It’s not necessary to push yourself too hard, and more isn’t always better — a 30-minute walk can be a great way to get your body moving and enjoy the benefits exercise provides.
It’s common to feel that the motivation to exercise just isn’t there, even if you initially wanted to. If you’d like to make exercise a habit but feel like lack of motivation is getting in your way, here’s some info that could help.
11. Lock the door
If you have a partner or kids who tend to misunderstand what closed doors mean, it’s OK to lock yourself into the bathroom for your daily shower — you deserve that uninterrupted time. Alone time is a way to love yourself more.
12. Remind yourself of your worth
We’ve all caught ourselves in negative self-talk from time to time, but what if you made a concerted effort to lift yourself up? If you need reminders to do so, you can leave notes around the house that point out what you love best about yourself.
Here’s 5 tips to improve your self-talk if you’d like a deeper dive.
13. Splurge
It can be hard to spend money on ourselves, especially during times of financial strain. But small (and occasional) splurges can help us all smile a little more.
This could be as simple as a fancy coffee or the face wash you wouldn’t usually allow yourself to buy.
14. Meditate
Research suggests spending more time meditating could improve your mental health in the long term.
One way to begin: Find a comfortable and quiet place to sit for 10 minutes. Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath, heartbeat, and the positive goals you have for the day.
For more meditation tips and resources, consider checking out:
- Meditation for Beginners
- The 6 Best Meditation Apps in 2021
- How to Do Present Moment Awareness Meditation
15. Make time for the little things
Learning self-love is sometimes as simple as clipping your nails, putting on a full face of makeup, or shaving your face (if it’s something that makes you happy).
16. Organize your space
If you get stressed by clutter, consider making time to clean up and reap the benefits of a clutter-free zone. If you don’t have the time and can afford to do so, you might give yourself permission to hire someone to do this for you.
17. Ask for what you need
Tell the people you love when you need help, or time, or space.
18. Pamper yourself
A haircut or massage could help you relax. If you’re on a budget, you could treat yourself to an at-home face mask, DIY pedicure, or at-home massage.
19. Set boundaries
You’re allowed to draw your own personal lines and stick to them. You don’t owe people explanations or the chance to negotiate.
Here’s 10 ways to build better boundaries if you’re looking for more info.
20. Journal
Take some time to write down things you’re grateful for, the goals you hope to accomplish, or a list of things that bring you joy. You can write out your frustrations and disappointments as well. Sometimes putting our thoughts to paper can be one of the most healing things we can do.
If you’ve always wanted to get into journaling but aren’t sure how to start, these journaling prompts could help.
21. Take a bath
Loving yourself sometimes comes with some candles, dimmed lights, and Epsom salts in warm water.
Your tub can be another great place to bring in some mindfulness. If you’re up for a mindfulness exercise while you soak, consider using all your senses to notice how the water feels, looks, and sounds.
22. Let yourself scroll
For some people, social media can become a time suck and source of constant frustration. For others, it can be an escape from the world and a few moments of mindless entertainment. If you’re the latter, give yourself the time to scroll without guilt.
23. Take a social media break
On the other hand, if you find yourself frustrated every time you log on, consider pausing or shutting down your social media accounts — temporarily or for good.
24. Plan a date
Quality time with the people we love can be truly regenerative. Plan a night out with friends or your significant other and focus on talking and enjoying that time together.
25. Dance it out
Put on your favorite music, open your windows, and get your body moving.
26. Schedule time for your hobby
Writing, painting, taking photos, completing puzzles — whatever your hobbies are, consider setting aside a block of time just for them. Loving yourself is doing those things that make your heart smile.
27. Conscious breathing
With one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest, feel the breath moving through your body. You can do this for just a few breaths or several minutes at a time. You can even take some time to focus on your breathing whenever you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.
Here are some more breathing exercises if you’d like to keep going.
28. Set goals
We all have things we want to accomplish, but sometimes writing those things down and considering the steps necessary to achieve them can make those things suddenly seem more achievable and possible in our minds.
29. Try a new recipe
Even if you don’t love to cook, look up a recipe that sounds good to you and set aside some time to try your hand at it in a quiet house.
For some people, following the steps (perhaps with a beverage of your choice) without the pressure of needing to feed others can be fun.
30. Honor your spiritual needs
For many people, spirituality is about what gives life meaning. To nurture your spiritual side, you might pick up a book on a spiritual topic that resonates with you or find a set of friends who share your spiritual views — whatever they may be.
31. Cry it out
Sometimes, we all just need to let our big emotions escape.
It turns out, crying can even come with some benefits. Better emotion regulation and helping us bond with loved ones are just some of the ways crying can be good for us.
32. Pick up the phone
Call a friend or loved one and spend some time catching up.
33. Sleep
Perhaps one of the most important forms of self-care, allowing yourself to get the sleep you need can help you feel your best.
If you want to learn more about how to promote good sleep, here are some extra tips.
It’s one thing to read a list of self-love tips, and it’s another to actually do any of the things on that list. When learning to love yourself again, it’s a good idea to pick out one of two things that seem doable and commit to them.
When it comes to self-care and self-love, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. It’s always OK to change things up if you decide one self-care approach isn’t serving you.
How to love yourself: advice from a psychologist
Signs that you love yourself
— You enjoy and enjoy life.
- You are in a state of happiness.
- You are healthy and full of energy.
You move freely and gesticulate naturally.
- You are able to identify and express the feelings you are experiencing.
And perhaps most importantly, you don't lie to yourself. This is the real art that you need to comprehend throughout life - to learn to be honest with yourself and others, because any self-deception ultimately leads to destruction and disappointment.
How to learn to love and accept yourself?
Take care of yourself and your health
Our body is the base: a healthy lifestyle is an excellent soil for self-love and achievement. If a person does not take care of himself and his health, other areas of his life begin to collapse. Therefore, in order to love yourself, first of all you need to start taking care of yourself: analyze what you eat, whether you have bad habits, what is your physical activity and sex life, whether there is time for healthy sleep. Everything related to physiology counts. Your resilience in stressful situations, the ability to relax and rest is your support if you strive to learn to love and accept yourself. Without this, it is easy to fall into negative states. The body is capable of self-healing if it enjoys and relaxes.
Develop emotional intelligence
To love and accept yourself, you need to work on emotional intelligence. Follow your feelings.
For example, if you have a lot of fears, you need to deal with them: they increase the level of anxiety and prevent true feelings from manifesting. It affects self acceptance. You need to deal with fears on your own, with the help of books or with a specialist, and learn to live in a positive way, look for joys that you can feel. Do what brings you satisfaction. Analyze what kind of people surround you, how you communicate with loved ones. Perhaps through negativity, constant reproaches and discontent? Or are you looking for something positive, positive, treat them with love, support and push them to grow? Your environment is a reflection of your inner state. Tension and fears always attract similar energy. Try to join positively charged people and capture their condition, try it on yourself. The ability to capture your emotional background, direct it towards happiness and pleasure is an important factor in self-love.
Expand the boundaries of consciousness
This will make it easier for you to realize that you deserve more, including self-love.
Get out of your head limiting beliefs, prescribe settings that you like and bring you to a state of comfort. It doesn’t matter if you do it on your own or with a specialist, the main thing is that there is a result.
If you develop on the three mentioned levels - body, emotions, mind - you will be able to take the first steps towards fully loving yourself. The most important thing is to learn to feel yourself, follow your desires and listen to your heart. When this happens, you will become extremely honest with yourself and will be able to accept yourself and others. Broadcast what you feel to the world and don't let fear limit your happiness.
Photo: Stills from the film "Eat, Pray, Love"
How to love yourself - Here and Now
Author of the article: Naumenko Alexandra Igorevna Family psychologist, child psychologist.
Practical experience: 8 years.
How to love yourself? Before answering this question, you need to understand what it is - self-love.
First of all, it's not selfishness. This is emotional stability and harmony with oneself, confidence in any situation. It is complete and unconditional self-acceptance. With the inherent advantages and disadvantages of each of us. When there is no need for comparisons, because there is a clear distinction: I am me, and the rest are the rest.
Loving yourself is incredibly important, but also incredibly difficult. After all, daily stress, problems in interpersonal relationships lead to exhaustion and breakdown of the nervous system, strike at self-esteem, undermine faith in the strength of one's spirit. Under the influence of negative factors, we lose the feeling of lightness, the ability to experience sincere joy and appreciate ourselves as a Personality. That is why the first and main advice of is not to be influenced from outside.
Second advice - learn to control your perception. In no case do not engage in self-criticism, stop criticizing yourself.
After all, negativity and criticism are the worst enemies of each of us. It is very important to keep a positive attitude and suppress negative moods in yourself, directing thoughts in the right direction. Respect yourself and accept with all the shortcomings. Analyze past mistakes and learn from them. Be responsible for everything that happens to you and do not blame anyone for anything.
The third tip is daily work on yourself. Focus on your positive aspects, cultivate and develop them. After all, each of us has a core, a foundation - a lot of strong qualities, for which you should love yourself by default!
The fourth piece of advice is to stop comparing yourself to others. There is no one who is better or worse than you. Therefore, stop chasing others and do not strive to become what you are not. So you simply undermine your self-esteem.
Fifth advice - respect your body and mind, take care of yourself.
