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Things that matter in a relationship


Things Happy Couples Swear Are the Key to a Great Relationship

Things Happy Couples Swear Are the Key to a Great Relationship

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Save Article IconA bookmarkShare iconAn curved arrow pointing right. Read in app Couples make it work in different ways. Maridav / Shutterstock
  • INSIDER asked couples to share little things they do that keep their relationships strong.
  • Some said that communication and taking time to show appreciation for each other keeps their relationships strong.
  • Others said playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who does chores or sleeping with two separate blankets are game changers.
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Trust, communication, gratitude, commitment — these are all vital components of happy relationships. But sometimes, the little things are just as important. 

INSIDER asked 12 couples to share small things they swear by that keep their relationships strong. Here's what they said. Responses have been condensed and edited for clarity.

"Jon and I always try to set aside time to do an activity together that we wouldn’t do on a daily basis."

Shira and Jon have been together for two and a half years. Courtesy

"Jon and I always try to set aside time to do an activity together that we wouldn’t do on a daily basis. It started once we were long distance, because we wanted to be doing things together, not just talking on the phone. We'd try things like playing Scrabble or doing crossword puzzles together over Skype. But now even when we're together IRL, if it's for a week or just a weekend, we try to find something special to do.

"We've made homemade pasta together and had a paint night at home. Or we go out to do something special, like going to see Christmas lights wherever we are in the winter, or going to play mini golf and ride the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island.

"It's easy to fall into the same exact routine, but activities that are different can get you into a lighter mood, and let you be together with your partner in ways that you might not be on a daily basis. I owe this a lot to Jon, because he's usually the one that pushes us to get off the couch and do something different." — Shira

"It’s better to laugh than to argue."

Shlomo and Michael have been together for 19 years and married for three. Courtesy

"It isn't about how much you have in common or about how completely you agree. It's about how well you bridge the differences, and about how well you reconcile your disagreements.

"It's about admitting when you are wrong, sometimes even when you know you are right, because you have to pick your fights and don't need to win every one.

"It's better to laugh than to argue, because not only will you disagree about what you should have for dinner tonight, but sometimes you will disagree about what you remember eating for dinner last night." — Shlomo

"Sleeping with separate blankets.

"

Shira and Chananel have been married for five years. Courtesy

"Sleeping with separate blankets is the key ... We've been married almost five years." — Shira

"A big thing that keeps our relationship solid is that we continue to appreciate each other, and work very hard to not take each other for granted."

Danielle and Zach have been married for four and a half years. Courtesy

"A big thing that keeps our relationship solid is that we continue to appreciate each other, and work very hard to not take each other for granted (we've been best friends for 15 years and married for four and a half, so there are definitely times when that's challenging!). We say thank you to each other after doing mundane things like household chores or running errands, because even though we're expected to do them we still want to show gratitude to each other.

"Also, there are times where we just sit and tell each other one thing that we appreciate about the other that day. It adds a lot of positive feelings to the day and our relationship as a whole." — Danielle

"We have been together for seven years and have discovered that we require less together time than most."

Angie and Matthew have been together for seven years. Alicia Lee Wade

"Matthew is a lifetime artist and I am a lifetime musician. We both require a lot of alone time in order to continue in our specialties. We have been together for seven years and have discovered that we require less together-time than most. Neither of us are huge conversationalists when we are at home. A lot of our communication is through touch and we are content knowing that the other is nearby." — Angie

"We have made it this far by just accepting that we are complete opposites."

Isabella and Carlos have been together for three years. Courtesy

"We've been together for three years now and have had many ups and downs, but we have made it this far by just accepting that we are complete opposites and when it comes to arguments that we need to be gentle and put ourselves in each other's shoes. " — Isabella

"We swear that communication is the BIGGEST key to our successful relationship."

Emily and Dave have been together for three and a half years. Courtesy

"My boyfriend and I have been together for about three and a half years and we swear that communication is the BIGGEST key to our successful relationship. We are very open with our frustrations and concerns and lay everything out on the table as soon as it enters our head. Life can be super hard but it's easier when you have someone who truly understands your brain. They won't unless you're open about what's going on inside it. I'm also super quirky, so it helps that he is, too." — Emily

"It can seem counterintuitive, but I think being your own person and spending time without your partner is the key to a great relationship."

Julia and Mike have been together for eight years. Julia Naftulin/INSIDER

"It can seem counterintuitive, but I think being your own person and spending time without your partner is the key to a great relationship. Whether I'm attending a workout class that I love (but know my partner would hate) or spending time with my own individual friend group, taking time away from my boyfriend makes me feel more connected to and appreciative of him.

"When we do our own things, it gives us more to talk about and ways to support each other outside of our own life together. I also think doing so can prevent any resentment that can occur from feeling like you can't do a certain activity because your partner isn't with you." — Julia, INSIDER's health and wellness reporter

"'Never go to bed angry' is such ludicrous."

Carly and Max have been together for seven years. Courtesy

"Advice that I swear by:

1. See your own therapists!

We've established early on that our patterned behaviors, personality quirks, psychological tensions, and existential fears are all rightfully ours and unlikely to change without some therapeutic intervention — and that's super okay (I fell in love with ALL of him, not just the good parts). That being said, our issues are intrinsically our own — created and manifested long before we coupled — and we should continue to grow independently as we do collectively. Understanding more about our own respective tendencies makes us better partners!

2. Keep having special date nights.

It can be really easy to resort to pajamas, Netflix, and takeout nights, especially after long work days and routines. Guilty! Max and I make concerted efforts to venture out and have a dinner and movie night in the neighborhood, try new restaurants, and even take leisurely walks — even if the night is low key, getting dressed up and ready can reignite those early, first-date-like butterflies. It always helps us reconnect.

3. Go to bed angry!

"Never go to bed angry" is such ludicrous. A good night's sleep is more often than not the most effective medicine; I wake up in the morning thinking more clearly, less heated, and more forgiving. Late nights fights are like grocery shopping when you’re starving: you impulsively do things you regret, in the hype of your emotions. Revisit the issue the next day!

4. Spend time apart.

I'm biased because of our long distance time in college, but I believe that a healthy dose of space keeps us all missing each other in appropriate amounts.

5. Stop texting!

Texting is for friends. Keep the signif other at a FaceTime level — makes conversations more meaningful, always." — Carly

"Getting counseling when you need. No shame."

Aviva and Binyomin have been married for five years. Courtesy

"1. Believing in life long commitment is the number one thing.

2. Having a real friendship.

3. Getting counseling when you need. No shame." — Aviva

"It sounds funny, but my relationship hack is that I grew up with divorced parents."

Shoshana and Gabriel have been married for 10 years. Courtesy

"It sounds funny, but my relationship hack is that I grew up with divorced parents. Both sides lost, the children lost, and only the lawyers won. Because of this, I have stuck together with my husband through everything and probably always will.

"The vast majority of divorces are initiated by the wife but my early life experience has shaped me to be too stubborn to divorce under almost any circumstances, so here we are 10 years and three kids later. My husband IS great and we're very happy ... but not by accident. I went into dating with a long-term perspective about what I was looking for and whether or not I was seeing that in him." — Shoshana

"We pledged to be open with each other ALWAYS, telling each other how we really feel without sugarcoating things."

Yrda and Arthur have been together for two years. Courtesy

"I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We met back in our sophomore year in high school here in the Philippines before he migrated to San Francisco, California. The things that keep us strong are:

1. Communication. Even though we have different time zones, we sacrifice some hours of sleep to talk with each other.

2. Him visiting me here in the Philippines. I can't go to the US yet because I don't have a visa, but I plan to get one this year!  

3. Being open with each other. We pledged to be open with each other ALWAYS, telling each other how we really feel without sugarcoating things. 

4. It's about finding the right person. We both believe we're really destined for each other because after everything that happened the past few years, we found the way back to each other. We understand each other well, and that's the happiness and peace we feel because we're each other's opposite-gender version.

5. Supporting each other in everything. We are each other's support system and we communicate well whenever we think that something is not right. " — Yrda

  • Read more:
  • 10 couples of more than 50 years share photos from when they were younger — and it will show you the power of everlasting love
  • A therapist reveals the issues that come up the most in couples therapy and how to address them
  • Introducing pet names to your relationship could make it stronger, according to science
  • 21 creative date ideas that won't cost you anything

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15 Most Important Things In A Relationship

The thought of losing that special person you love really puts perspective on the most important things in a relationship. Sometimes we fight with our partners for the silliest of reasons. Maybe they didn’t help you pick a color for the kitchen wall, or they forgot to compliment you on your new haircut. Some people eventually realize that there’s more to a partnership than just those things. But many couples don’t, and they allow these small arguments to ruin a beautiful relationship. Keep reading to understand the 15 most important things to focus on in a relationship and what you must let go of.

1. Open Communication

Open communication is the foundation of any successful relationship (1). Your significant other cannot read your mind (neither can anyone else). So, voicing your feelings, expectations, and needs is essential. Even if you are in the middle of a conflict, communication comes in handy to resolve conflicts and strengthen your bond. Without communication, you are creating resentment, piling up misunderstandings, and giving rise to bitterness. Be mindful of the fact that all these are fatal for any relationship.

2. Trust In Each Other

Image: Shutterstock

Having trust in a relationship signals longevity and permanence. However, if you lack this ingredient, it is not a healthy, secure, and stable relationship. Trust can be built with time and grows stronger if you are both willing to work on having a healthy relationship and grow together. You can’t make your love life exciting and fulfilling if the element of trust is missing.

Related: 121 Relationship Trust Quotes To Strengthen Your Bond

3. Respecting Each Other

No matter how cliché it sounds, disrespecting your partner can fade the love too. Love cannot be a justification for sacrificing your self-worth or disrespecting your partner. For a relationship to bloom and prosper, partners need to respect each other. You need to respect the differences and not impose your likes or dislikes on the other. The best way to strengthen your bond is to celebrate and respect the differences. Disrespecting each other only sprouts resentment and can damage any relationship.

4. Loyalty

Being unfaithful is probably the most detrimental thing to any relationship. Love that is coupled with loyalty is long-lasting and sacred. Loyalty is the building block of a relationship. If you want to make it work, then you have to commit to your partner. It is possible that your significant other is not as witty as your coworker or as extroverted as your ex, but there is a reason why you chose them over everyone else. This should be the basis for your unflinching loyalty. A relationship fails when you have a third person in the mix, regardless of whether you disclose that person’s identity or keep it under wraps from your partner.

Related: How To Define Loyalty In A Relationship

5. Compromise

For a relationship to flourish, making compromises is essential for both individuals. Work on finding common ground between the both of you for your relationship to thrive. A successful relationship includes compromising from both ends as no one can always have it their way. If you keep depriving your partner and consider only your needs, it can lead to resentment and even end your relationship.

6. Upholding Independence

As a couple, if you eat, breathe, live and sleep together all the time, it is perfectly okay. However, having your own individual time is equally important. When in a relationship, you should never lose yourself. Of course, you both may spark changes in each other, but you can always retain the charm and personality that makes you different and induce it in your relationship.

Quick Tip

Setting healthy boundaries in relationships may help reduce codependency. They create a sense of mutual respect and ensure individual well-being.

7. A Feeling Of Safety

The feeling that you are safe with your significant other makes it worthwhile to stay in a relationship. However, if your safety is questioned, all other emotions start failing, and your bond eventually crumbles. In a committed relationship, you have to keep up the sacred vow of protecting and loving your partner in all the circumstances of life. This feeling of safety extends to both physical and emotional safety.

8. Being Happy

Image: Shutterstock

The hustle and bustle of everyday life can lead to a slump in your relationship. So, finding ways to fill it with fun, excitement, and happiness is essential. No relationship is sunshine and rainbows at all times, but ensuring that happier times overshadow unhappy ones is vital. Laughter brings two hearts together and can help balance out worries.

9. Being A Team

As much as you require personal space, staying strong together is vital too. A relationship requires you to wear different hats at various times. Sometimes you may have to listen to your partner patiently and offer support. At other times, you must offer unbiased, constructive criticism or a different perspective to help them make better, informed choices. Of course, there will be times when your partner will have to step into those roles for you as well. Your combined strengths compensate for each other’s weaknesses and help you work through challenging situations effectively. As different individuals, you have to team up together to work on your relationship.

10. Forgiveness

Image: Shutterstock

Forgiveness is a very important virtue, and nobody is perfect in this world. You might have a list of qualities you are looking for in your partner, but at the end of the day, to err is human and to forgive is divine. If a sincere heart makes an apology and works on doing things differently, learn to forgive and move on. There might be some mistakes that can impact the relationship severely, but you can work on everything. If you and your partner want to put those mistakes behind you and work on rebuilding the relationship, both of you must be able to forgive each other before you can move forward.

11. Spending Quality Time Together

Image: Shutterstock

How do two strangers become inseparable and end up totally in love? Well, it is all about spending quality time with each other and prioritizing your relationship. The time spent together helps to know your partner better. It opens communication channels and helps in building your friendship and fostering trust for each other. It can be a small task like taking a walk together or watching the sun rise over a steaming hot cup of tea in the mornings, but it can do wonders for your relationship.

12. Be Emotionally Available

As much as a relationship is all about love and happiness, it is also about being emotionally available for your partner in trying times. Lend your ear when your partner wants to be heard about their emotional challenges. Being insensitive to their emotions and staying consumed in your own world will leave a void that can tempt your partner to fill it with a third party. Listening to and validating your partner’s feelings will bring you closer and make you stronger as a couple.

Related: 15 Signs Of An Emotionally Connected Relationship

13. Express Love

Image: Shutterstock

Who doesn’t want to be told that they are the most special and important person in their partner’s life over and over again? Don’t ever take your significant other for granted. Voice your feelings of love and admiration to let them know how much they mean to you. This will also maximize your opportunities of receiving love.

14. Be Kind

The small acts of kindness you do for your partner might look trivial but will stay in their heart forever. Through these little gestures, you can let your partner know that you care about them and that you always have their back. And rest assured that they will go out of their way to reciprocate these kind deeds in their own way to make you feel special. This lays the foundation for a strong relationship.

Quick Tip

Pay attention to how you refer to your partner in front of others. Be kind with your words, speak positively about them, and compliment them to brighten their day

15. Commit To Success

Every relationship is a two-way street, and it takes two people to commit to each other to make it work. If you are invested in your relationship, it has a better chance of surviving hardships Every relationship comes with its share of challenges, and the ones that survive the onslaught of time have commitment as the basic ingredient.

It may surprise many, but love is not the only requirement for a happy and fulfilling relationship; it is made of many smaller yet vital components. Open communication, loyalty, kindness, compassion, trust, emotional vulnerability, and willingness to forgive are some of the most important things that keep a relationship afloat. However, every relationship is different, and while some partners value the feeling of security the most, others may depend heavily on respect for each other’s boundaries. So, it helps to know about your partner’s expectations from the relationship and convey your own.

Frequently Asked Questions

What keeps most couples together?

Maintaining healthy boundaries, open communication, and balancing busy schedules and priorities to find time for each other are some factors that keep couples together.

What kills a relationship faster?

lack of intimacy, unrealistic expectations, abusive behavior, and suppression of emotions can kill a relationship faster.

Key Takeaways

  • A relationship is much more than complimenting your partner’s new haircut or helping them pick a dress.
  • Open communication, trust, and compromise are a few of the most important things you need in a partnership.
  • You need to invest time and effort and work things out together to keep your love alive.