The way men communicate

How Men Communicate in Relationships

The way men communicate in relationships is completely different than the way women communicate.

When men and women in a relationship communicate, it’s hard to say who gets more frustrated. Men sometimes feel as if women spoke in tongues, and women, on the other hand, often cannot remember the last time they heard anything besides: “What’s for dinner?” from their men.

The reason behind this lies in the simple dissimilarities that cause storms in a relationship – in questions about when, why, and what men and women communicate to each other.

Photo Credit: commnetwork.org

So what are those simple dissimilarities?

Simply put, the main issue is the fact that men and women experience the purpose of communication differently. It may sound strange, but let’s test this. If you are a man reading this, you probably think: “How can it be seen differently? Communication has one simple purpose – to communicate information to someone!” On the other hand, a woman will probably think that yes, there are numerous varieties of conversations, but mostly, they all build some sort of a relationship between the two, and help bring people closer to each other.

Now, it is not just a lay opinion that there are significant differences in communication patterns between men and women. Psychological studies confirm that women in relationships often talk simply to bond, without a real intention to communicate any sort of relevant information. And this is not a bad thing. But for many men, it is utterly difficult to grasp such an interaction, and they get downright confused and frustrated by this.

Men believe that if one speaks, they ought to say something new, informative, practical and logical. They should present a problem, or offer a solution, express an attitude… If a man doesn’t have something useful to say, he won’t speak. Oh, but this is where the problem arises. A woman interprets this as an alarm, a sign that her partner is growing cold – because conversation means intimacy and mutual interest. A woman then wants to talk things through, but speaking about emotions puts a man into a challenging position. Not only does the culture demand him to be strong and composed, but there is a neurological obstacle to these conversations as well. Women can feel and speak at the same time. Interestingly, men actually have to switch from speech to emotions and back, which takes a lot of energy and focus.

Are men really born reserved?

When this sort of conversation about gender differences is started in a company, one of the first things you will hear is that women are born better (and more prolific) speakers. You’ve probably heard that men are superior at mathematics and science, and women in verbal assignments, and that these differences are biologically (evolutionally) determined. However, even though this idea originates from psychological findings, the disparities are truly not that big. To be more exact, a 1988 analysis of 165 studies, performed by Hyde and colleagues, showed that the belief that females are more verbally skillful is not at all scientifically substantiated, not for any aspect of verbal processing (same goes for math and science skills among males). The differences in the abilities that were found were actually slight and meaningless.

Therefore, if you were convinced that it is a nature given trait of yours that you have to communicate in a certain way, it may not be completely true. What is closer to truth is that in Western culture, girls are believed (expected) to be more talkative and verbally adapt, and boys not to talk much, especially not about emotions. So these expectations are actually the ones that do cause a sort of a Pygmalion effect. Parents raise their children in accordance with cultural beliefs, and that is what causes adult women to speak about twice as much as men. However, knowing that this is not a biological prerequisite may be of help if you wish to improve your relationship.

How can we improve the communication in our relationships?

And this is where we get to the question of enriching the communication with our significant others. We now know that there is not an inborn obstacle to it. Also, understanding how differently each of the genders experiences verbal exchange in a relationship may help us all to be more empathetic towards our partners. Finally, the most important thing you can do if you care about the future and happiness of your relationship or marriage, is letting a professional assist you. You may think “I don’t need an outsider teaching me how to speak to my wife,” and that is alright. However, it never hurts to have someone who is an expert in the field give you input on how you can improve further.

In this case, a therapist can provide you with insights you might not be able to acquire yourself, being inevitably subjective when it comes to your relationship. You may also learn how to assertively express yourself without the risk of coming off as aggressive (again). A few visits may save you and your partner a whole lot of time and nerves. And without the risk of exaggerating, it may even save your relationship.

References:

Hyde, J. S., & Linn, M. C. (1988). Gender differences in verbal ability: A meta- analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 104, 53-69

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8 Ways Men And Women Communicate Differently

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, right? So it only makes sense that we communicate in totally different ways!

If you’re struggling to understand the opposite sex, let’s break it down a little bit for you.

Get your helmets on because we’re off on a crash-course! Here are 8 of the ways in which men and women differ when it comes to communicating…

Men can be seen to keep themselves very much to themselves! While having a conversation, many men come across as serious and practical.

They will speak and listen, but there isn’t much else going on. Much of men’s communication is verbal, involving vocabulary and intonation.

Women have another layer to their communication: non-verbal. Women tend to use gestures as visual aids while talking and use their facial expressions much more.

Nodding their heads when listening, for example, is something that women typically do more than men.

Using open body language and engaging their audience by ‘talking with their hands’ is another thing that more women than men tend to incorporate into a conversation.

For women, apologizing is a way of forming and maintaining connections with people – it shows respect and humility.

Many women understand that saying “sorry” can solve a lot of issues! Men often find apologizing harder than women, as it feels as though they are giving in.

They worry that they will be seen as weak for accepting blame, and may feel as though their power or authority will be compromised by apologizing.

When women are apologized to, it can almost feel like a bond – there is a level of mutual respect with the person they’re talking to, and they feel as though they have been listened to.

Feeling as though their opinions are valued and taken into account is very important to women, which is why apologies can mean so much to them.

Men, on the other hand, see being apologized to as the other person’s way of accepting the hierarchy, and men can often feel as though this reinforces their position of power.

3. Compliments

Men don’t tend to give out compliments as much as women do. If they do, they are normally aimed at a potential partner, rather than a friend or colleague.

Women are much more likely than men to give out compliments. For them, it is way a forming a bond and showing respect.

It is also a way of showing that they are on the same level as the person they are speaking to.

By complimenting someone, women show that they are not a threat and that they can be trusted. This links in with a woman’s need or desire to form connections and find commonalities.

4. Feelings Vs. Factual

Men like to get to the nitty-gritty early on. Conversation tends to serve a purpose – it is simply a way to get the information needed.

The conversations men have are often very fact-based, and may revolve around sports results, work, and finance. Conversations may end rather suddenly, as men often avoid small talk and ‘unnecessary’ questions.

Women prefer to dig deep in conversations, and often try to explore the feelings of the person they’re talking with. This is attributed to the fact that women are believed to be more compassionate and empathetic.

Female friends prefer to talk about emotions and complex situations, as opposed to numerical or factual issues. Women tend to be happier extending conversations than men do.

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5. Quality Or Quantity?

Men often just want to get to the point! In terms of conversation, there should be a goal, and, once this is achieved, the conversation can end.

In the workplace, where men can feel particularly competitive, there is no need for niceties and ‘pointless’ chat. The conversation does not need to be long and flowing, and can end once they are satisfied.

Women, on the other hand, are likely to have longer conversations. These will involve questions about the other’s personal life, such as asking about family members, health, and weekend plans.

Women often feel less competitive, and would rather string out a conversation and maintain a good bond with the person they’re talking to.

6. The Devil’s In The Detail

Again, men like to get to the heart of the issue straight away, and can be satisfied with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.

Women, on the other hand, prefer to dive into the details and find out as much as possible.

Women often look for context and background information, rather than simply responding to a situation in isolation.

This lends itself to a woman’s naturally-empathetic side – they would rather see a situation in context and figure out why someone may be behaving the way that they are, rather than making a snap judgement.

When talking, too, women are generally more willing to offer up details. This could be about pretty much any aspect of life!

Women are happier sharing information about themselves, their relationships, and work than men tend to be. This links back to the fact that men want to be efficient in their conversations and get to the point as quickly as possible.

7. Friend Or Foe?

Men can see other people as a threat in ways that women often do not. This tends to lead to a ‘friend or foe’ situation, where men quickly try to assess a person or situation.

This can come across in a negative, slightly aggressive way at times, as men are trying to filter information efficiently in order to understand the situation quickly.

Women are much more likely to go for a friendly approach and build a rapport with whoever they are talking to. This is what ultimately leads to those longer, detail-filled conversations we mentioned earlier.

Rather than seeing someone as a threat to their power or authority, women feel more compelled to find common interests or experiences, and form bonds from them.

8. Negotiating

For men, negotiating is often not an option. It is a sign of weakness and shows that they are giving in or being submissive to whoever they are talking to.

By going back on what they have said, or agreeing to someone else’s ideas or plans, men often feel as though they are being emasculated. In terms of time, too, men prefer to cut to the chase and get things done quickly.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be happier negotiating. Finding a middle ground doesn’t show weakness on anyone’s behalf, rather, a mutual respect and desire to get the job done.

This links in to the fact that women are more prone to having longer conversations, where there is space for discussion and everyone will be heard. The important thing here for women is that things get done properly, and, often, more fairly.

It’s important to note that these are quite general guidelines for how men and women might communicate differently. They are not rules set in stone.

Every person is different; some men display the more feminine qualities, and some women exhibit masculine traits.

This article merely seeks to highlight the very real differences that sometimes exist in the way men and women choose to communicate.

How to communicate with a man in order to interest him

Do you like a man, but he does not show any feelings towards you? How to win over a man and arouse a feeling of sympathy in him, advises Passion.ru.

Irina secretly envied her friend. Short, quiet, without any frills in clothes and makeup, with an ordinary appearance, she simply lured men to her like a magnet. Some wanted to meet her, others just came to chat - Tatyana found kind words for everyone. While Irina, who carefully monitors her appearance, dresses in fashion, visits the gym, English and driving courses, no one paid attention. Irina constantly wondered - why is this happening? And what needs to be done to please a man?

It's all about communication

Sound familiar? Yes, we all like to communicate, but not everyone does it right. Meanwhile, with the help of a skillfully constructed conversation, you can not only win over the interlocutor, but also help a man fall in love with you.

What do you need? The main rule of the conversation is that you must inspire a man to remember memories of his life that are important and reveal his feelings. Let him be the storyteller and you the grateful listener. The more he tells you, the more he will become attached to you.

What needs to be sacrificed? With your time, because any high-quality conversation takes time, with your negative emotions and negative assessment. You will have to abandon the replicas “Yes, how could you?”, “Your mother is just not herself!”, “Your ex is crazy” and sacrifice self-affirmation in the spirit of “But I was more interesting!” and the desire to tell him as much as possible about his life. Ready to give it up? Then go ahead!

The secret of easy communication

Mayakovsky's muse Lily Brik said: “You need to impress a man that he is wonderful and even brilliant, it's just that others don't understand it. And to allow what is forbidden to him at home.

You can win over a person if you gently ask him about everything. Imagine that you are an interviewer and you are talking from one exciting event in a man's life to another.

Explore his feelings and experiences together. Encourage a man to reveal his secrets, problems, ask him to talk about everything that comes to mind. Let him know that you are interested in him. By asking questions, show the man that he is an important person in your eyes. Create a friendly and trusting atmosphere, empathize.

We provide an indicative list, and you can come up with your own questions. Ask them so that the answers have a more positive connotation - so the man will quickly become attached to you and will associate communication with you with positive.

- How was the man's childhood? What was especially memorable? What were your most pleasant memories?
- Who was he friends with, what games did he play with friends, what else was he fond of?
- What moments of his childhood would he like to relive?
- Did he like school? What did you like, dislike?
- At what point did he realize that he was becoming an adult?
- What kind of girls did he like then? How did he take care of the girls? What did you experience while doing this? Let him describe. Ask to talk about first love. At the same time, analyze his feelings, aspirations.
- What kind of relationship did he have or does he have with his sisters, brothers, parents?
- What are his favorite holidays and why? What holidays do you remember the most? Were there any unusual gifts?
- Does he have enemies, true friends? What are they?
- What does he especially appreciate in people? What will he never forgive?
- What are his dreams? What are the wildest dreams?
- What does he especially appreciate in girls? Ask to describe the ideal girl - what does she do, how she talks, how she behaves in conflicts? Preferably with examples (let him come up with).

Arrange questions so that the man answers them in detail. For example, in addition to "Do you like football?" Ask “What do you like about football? Why did you start doing it?" Let your man speak openly, easily, without interruption. Let his stories, thoughts be confused, illogically constructed - do not criticize. Support the man, ask clarifying questions, actively listen.

Transference of Feelings

The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud discovered that all of his patients fell in love with him after they shared their thoughts about their love experiences and other events of their lives that had special emotional significance. He was not handsome and therefore even hid from his wards behind a screen, but the conversation went on, and the patients fell in love anyway.

You can also make a man fall in love with you by capturing his feelings and thoughts. It is also necessary to build questions according to the principle listed above. Their only difference will be that here you will only ask about his love and sympathy for other women. The method is difficult because it hurts the woman's pride, it is unpleasant for her to ask about someone else.

But its effectiveness is based on the fact that every man is a child at heart, who seeks attention and craves it. The fact that men do not like to talk about themselves is a myth! It's just that no one gives them the opportunity to do it. Indeed, often women talk more about themselves, “advertise themselves” than they listen.

By the way, when you encourage a man to talk about his love interests, you don't have to talk about yours at all. Avoid such conversations and direct the conversation in the right direction - to the man.

Of course, this transfer method is not recommended at first. Perhaps a man will initially be embarrassed by such an open conversation or consider such topics too sensitive. First, ask about something neutral, and then gradually, when you are alone in a relaxing environment, bring him to the desired topic. Say you want to know everything about him, because he is a really interesting person.

When asking a man, imagine yourself as his wife. After all, a spouse, like no one else, should be a heartfelt listener and the first confidant.

Would you like to talk about yourself?

Of course, you shouldn't attack a man with questions and not tell anything about yourself. Otherwise, the man will think that you have something to hide, you are spying on him or have other bad intentions.

You will have to share something of your own, but when talking about yourself, try to keep the stories short, interesting and positive. After a short story about yourself, return the initiative of the narrator to the man.

What to avoid in communication

A man needs a relationship with a woman with whom he can forget about his problems and not make new ones. To avoid a bad opinion of yourself, you should not:

1. Flaunt your health problems (nearsightedness, weakness, fatigue, allergies, frequent colds), talk about the shortcomings of your appearance (overweight, underweight, flaky skin, big nose brittle hair).

2. To insist on something, for example, on one's religion, political beliefs. Also, do not criticize anyone (politicians, boss, ex) or anything (interpersonal relationships, fate). Remember, you have to be a positive person.

3. Complain about financial difficulties. Show that you are able to provide for yourself, but do not show financial superiority, even if it exists. If your financial situation leaves much to be desired, show the man that you can overcome difficulties.

6 typical mistakes in communication with a man, due to which parting is inevitable

Why do some couples build harmonious and strong families, while others constantly quarrel and sort things out? Here are the most typical mistakes that women make in dealing with men. They not only interfere with coming to an understanding, but also increase the risk of parting. Read the selection and evaluate whether you are doing everything right or if there is something to fix.

Error 1: let him take a step forward, he is a man

Women mistakenly believe that it is men who must always take the first step. Girls, as well as guys, need to remember that relationships are the work of two people. Photo © Pexels

Such tactics of behavior, as psychologists assure, speaks only of a woman's disinterest in communicating with a man. Girls who wait for a young man to make the first move just want to get results without any effort. And this is a complete shifting of responsibility to another person, in this case, to a man.

How to fix the error? Just understand that relationships are primarily the work of two people. Yes, don't push too hard if you're afraid. But there is nothing wrong with showing the man you love that you are interested in him. Call first, write SMS or invite on a date.

Error 2: jumping from topic to topic during a conversation

Dear ladies, let's remember once again: male and female psyches work differently. Therefore, another common mistake, due to which the second half can turn away from you, is an unstructured conversation. Men love logic when everything goes in the right order. And if you first tell about an evil girlfriend, then about a new manicure, a quarrel with your mother and how you want a dog, all this will confuse and anger your chosen one.

How to fix the error? It's simple: restore the chronology of events in order to consistently share your impressions or experiences with your beloved man. And it will be easier for you to avoid mistakes and your soulmate to understand what the point of the conversation is.

Mistake 3: I hint thickly, but he will not understand in any way

Another common and one of the main mistakes that a woman can make in a relationship is to talk to a man with constant hints. Unfortunately people can't read minds. How do you think a man should behave if they don’t tell him directly what they want or what needs to be done, and then they also roll up a scandal on this basis?

How to fix the error? Do not be afraid and do not hesitate to talk to your beloved and ask him for something directly. Constant walking "around the bush" only annoys men. As a workaround, you can directly set the time and topic of your next request conversation to see what happens. For example, "on Wednesday at six in the evening we discuss the lack of a shelf for books, which is inconvenient."

Error 4: manipulation of silence after a quarrel

Maybe at first such erroneous tactics of female behavior will be to the taste of a man, for example, for the first 10 minutes of silence. But then he will definitely start to get angry if you continue to ignore his desire to understand the situation. The manipulation of silence, as psychologists call it, is one of the most painful for the psyche. For especially sensitive people, it is akin to torture.

How to fix the error? For the first time, you can really disperse in silence to different rooms in order to allow yourself and your partner to cool down a bit, to experience emotions. And then, if the man is dear to you and you want to save the relationship, calmly discuss what happened. Don't make the mistake of the first point, don't wait for your loved one to come up first.

Mistake 5: defiantly saying "everything is fine"

Another type of avoidance and shifting responsibility to a partner, another major mistake in communicating with a man. Why be surprised? If you demonstratively close yourself from the chosen one, do not go for rapprochement, choosing the wrong tactic "everything is fine." Who likes that his opinion and desire to eliminate the conflict is not appreciated?

How to fix the error? As mentioned earlier, don't be afraid to speak directly to the young man. Strong and harmonious relationships are built on the trust of partners. By avoiding discussing problems with each other, you only push the man towards ending the romantic relationship.

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