Symptoms of being a sexaholic
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7 signs of sexually addicted people
Sexual addiction, or "hypersexuality", is a term that is not very clear to most people. Some, when they hear the word "sexy", immediately call themselves addicts, because they think it's very cool. It seems like a sexaholic - it means that you are a good lover, and you can and know everything, and you have more partners than Genghis Khan had mistresses, and all of them are necessarily beautiful, like supermodels. And here it is not.
Hypersexuality as a human norm lasts a very short period - youthfulness - after which it can be safely considered a serious mental disorder. You need to understand that love for sex and sexual addiction are completely different things. Most sexually mature people love sex, and this does not prevent them from living and interacting with other people at all. But sexaholism is a completely different phenomenon. Here, a person around the clock is captivated by a single thought - about sex. At the same time, the sexual act itself no longer brings them pleasure, but becomes a necessity for further existence. Sex addiction, despite its seeming innocence, is a behavior in which not only the addict suffers, but also those around him, friends and family. We have identified for you several signs by which you can calculate a sexaholic.
They are always late
Sexaholics lose their sense of time, which causes them to be constantly late. Certified narcologist and founder of the Institute for Sexual Recovery in the USA, Mike Weiss, believes that "regular delays can be evidence of addiction, including sexual addiction. This happens because with any addiction, the rest of life fades into the background and ceases to seem important to a person."
Of course, as the unforgettable Dr. House said, everyone lies. But the sexaholic lies especially. When it comes to sex, his (or her) lies will be very coherent, correct and verified in seconds - the habit of hiding has made them brilliant actors. They know what excuse is best now, what you will believe and how to present all these lies correctly. If a sex addict does not try to fight with himself, then most often he becomes a pathological liar, even outside of sexual activity. His lies seem to him more logical and attractive than the real world, and over time, most sexually addicted people can no longer distinguish truth from their own fiction.
They love unprotected sex
It is clear that almost every guy at least once said the well-known sacramental phrase about a condom and a gas mask, and every girl rolled her eyes after that. True, for all normal people, common sense defeats ridiculous prejudices, and they protect both their own health and the health of their partner. But not just sex addicts. In 99% of cases, they flatly refuse to use any method of contraception, especially condoms. They are not afraid of disease or accidental pregnancy. Are you ready to take such risks and rely on chance? We don't think.
They pay for sex
Sooner or later, any sexually addicted person realizes that paying for sex is much easier than just finding a partner. It can be both real and virtual (on the Internet or by phone) sex. The main thing is that "after" you can not explain anything.
They masturbate before, during and even after sex
Over time, even the best partner ceases to give pleasure to the sexaholic. Then endless self-satisfaction begins. Sexologists assure that such behavior has no personal overtones in relation to the partner. It's just that sexually addicted people, like people with any other addiction, need an urgent and quick "repayment" of their own needs. Otherwise, they move on to the next stage - irritation.
They get irritated when they don't have sex
Sex addicts really can't live without a "fix" of sex. Their addiction, like any other, leads to instability, uncontrollable anger and sometimes incapacity. For such people, sex ceases to be just a pleasure, it becomes necessary for them simply in order to be able to calmly be in society for a while. The more dependent a person is, the less time he can think about anything other than his own satisfaction.
If you suspect your partner of being sexually addicted, it is. For example, if at some point you noticed excessive secrecy on the part of a partner or some qualitative changes in his / her behavior. Psychologists in such cases are advised to trust yourself.
Yes, individually, all of the above can occur in perfectly healthy people. However, if you or your friend have noticed at least a few points at once, then you may need to contact a specialist. Sex addiction is a rather complex problem, although it is not officially considered a disease. It is difficult to diagnose it, because this dependence is not always manifested outwardly, an addicted person can behave absolutely normally. However, this does not mean that the problem does not exist. Timely help from a psychologist or sexologist can prevent a lot of problems associated with sexaholism.
Recently, practicing sexologists are increasingly faced with such a condition of patients as sexaholism. This word is increasingly found on the pages of publications, and stars like Lindsay Lohan have already admitted that they suffer from a newfangled disease.
What is sexaholism really?
At the request of Passion.ru, this question is answered by a sexologist, psychotherapist Yevgeny Alexandrovich Kulgavchuk.
The mechanisms of development of this condition in men and women are somewhat similar, and the following examples can be considered mirrored. To clarify this issue, let's first try to understand similar forms of this phenomenon. So where is the line between normal and pathological? Let's start with the norm, and end with sexaholism (it can be regarded as a painful condition, a pathology that requires treatment).
So, the first case - Her Majesty a strong sexual constitution. Men who have it initially have much higher needs and opportunities. If it is not limited to neurotic manifestations, their sex life is rich and vibrant. Moreover, they can realize their sexuality completely in marriage. Of course, if the wife goes to meet him. In cases where she constantly “has a headache” and she does not know how to convey to her missus how to properly care for her during foreplay (if he has gaps in this part), a man can find “helpers”. On this path, such a man receives incomparable pleasure from sexual life, after sexual intimacy he experiences a pleasant peace or spiritual uplift. His life, however, does not consist only of sex, he appreciates other parts of life, and can succeed in other fields. It remains to be added that any competent sexologist can determine the sexual constitution in just 20 minutes. If the above type is within the normal range, then the next, neurotic, is already on the verge of pathology. Such a state can be coming, for example, during the formation of sexuality. For many, it passes, and for those who “get stuck” in this period, psychotherapeutic help is required.
The fact is that there are two motives in sexual attraction - truly sexual and psychological. And if everything is clear with sexual ones - “I want, there are no forces,” then with psychological motives it is somewhat more complicated. Here, not only the sexual attractiveness of a woman can play a role, but also an element of self-affirmation. In this case, there is a "brute force", the physiological needs are more than covered, and the implementation comes with a kind of glut. But the body can give a certain “backlash”, due to biological prerequisites (there is an affordable and attractive female, and in this short time it is necessary to give everything to the maximum to increase the likelihood of conception). That is, here a man with an average sexual constitution takes on the obligations of a strong one. And for a while it may be so. But sooner or later, other areas of life begin to suffer. There is exhaustion. Sexual contacts bring less and less pleasure. Often one partner is not enough. Often there are difficulties with marriage, because a person does not clearly know what he really needs. Often a person does not understand that it is not worth trying at all costs to please the whole world ...
It makes sense to consider sexaholism as a pathology. The reasons are “lack of affection” in childhood, attempts to assert themselves, bordering on a sadistic component. It often manifests itself in individuals with a maximalist temperament. A person does not know how to appreciate what he has. He is not able to accept normal, physiologically normal, manifestations of a decrease in sexuality. Painfully reacts to the first erectile failures or a decrease in physical attractiveness. Acceptance of oneself as a person identifies either with one's sexual abilities or with material possibilities. Since the need for praise is pronounced from childhood, such people become susceptible to flattery. The number of sexual partners increases like a snowball, but behind the external brilliance lies an inner emptiness that no one can see. If it is impossible (both temporary and material) to expand this circle in reality, pornophilia arises, addiction to porn sites and other pornographic products (videos, magazines, etc.). Viewing various pornographic products is accompanied by masturbation. And, as a result, sexual life in a permanent relationship (if any) gradually or sharply tends to zero. In the absence of criticism of one's state, attempts to talk about it give rise to "teenage behavior patterns" - irritable aggression, outright lies.
If you do not resort to the help of a specialist, then the condition only worsens. More and more stimulation is required. The range of acceptability (what is acceptable in bed) expands to an excessive extent. For a while, they flaunt this, both in front of themselves and in front of others. Self-affirmation goes not only through sexual partners, but also through others (“You are all with complexes, only I am so liberated and free”).
Such people do not know how to love. And they are not sure that they can be loved. The thirst for pleasure prevails over other areas of life. Selfishness comes to the fore. But over time, attempts to “patch” weak spots in the core of the personality lead to a dead end. A person begins to understand that this is not a solution to a personal problem. Each subsequent day becomes more hopeless and devastated. All of this only makes matters worse over time. The same is true for other addictions, such as alcohol or drugs. There is also a search for new sensations, and an attempt to get away from uncomfortable reality in this way. But with sexaholism, the prognosis is more favorable, since there is no destruction of the personality at the biological level, as, for example, with alcoholism (a sharp decrease in criticism of one's condition, degradation of the personality, emotional flattening).