Steps to getting over a broken heart

How to Heal a Broken Heart: 10 Tips

Dana Bottari, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Florida, says that at the start of a relationship, our thoughts tend to be happy and uplifting. “We may have felt good about ourselves — thoughts about the time our ex commented that we were beautiful or handsome or how much they loved us,” she says.

However, when the relationship ends, your thoughts may be mixed. “We have the positive messages that were given by our ex, combined with perhaps our own judgmental thoughts that we are not good enough or thoughts that things never work out for us,” explains Bottari.

Thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect actions, she says. When you’re feeling down, you may engage in behaviors you typically don’t. For example, you may skip showering or avoid getting together with friends and family. “We may now feel more alone than ever,” Bottari says.

Gina Moffa, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City, adds that the details and circumstances of a breakup determine how you feel.

“If you feel you’re leaving someone in a painful place after you end it, you may be ridden with guilt and sadness. If you’re the one who’s been broken up with, you may be in a state of shock and go through different phases of grief, including anger, bargaining, depression, and anxiety,” explains Moffa.

As you cope with the loss of a relationship, these tips may help you on your journey to healing.


Take time to grieve

If possible, try to think of the loss of the relationship as a grieving process.

“Give yourself time. Do not try to find someone new right away,” says Bottari. “The best thing we can do is to try to honor our emotions and not judge our emotions.”

To validate your emotions, it may help you to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t feel so sad,” Bottari recommends thinking, “I am experiencing feelings of sadness, and that’s OK.”

While some people take time to be alone, look inward, or see a therapist to work through the complicated emotions of a breakup, others may suppress painful feelings and jump into another relationship. “I don’t recommend that. We need time to heal what’s been shattered,” says Moffa.

“We need time to look within and take inventory of what patterns we may have taken into the relationship with us that no longer work. We need to tend to our wounded hearts and take the time to allow the healing to happen with time, care, gentleness, and deeper self-understanding,” she says.


Find a new source of joy

When you make time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection, Moffa says that this can lead to connection with what may have once brought you peace, joy, or inspiration but was put on hold during your relationship.

“We may be more open to saying ‘yes’ to new things, people, and experiences as a way to explore a newfound sense of freedom, even if it hurts,” she says.

Bottari suggests pushing yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it. “Chances are, even after meeting a friend for lunch, you arrive home feeling better than had you stayed home,” she says.


Make a list of what you like about yourself

When you are feeling low about yourself, consider making a list of all the good things you did for your past partner or all the qualities they liked about you — and the qualities you like about yourself.

For example, you might write a self-love list like this:

  • I made him coffee in the morning.
  • I picked her up from the train station when it rained.
  • I put on her favorite song when she was sad.
  • I reminded him about his dad’s birthday.

You may also find it helpful to write out a list of positive things you’ll do in future relationships.

If you’d rather not think about relationships, Bottari suggests searching the internet for self-affirmations that resonate with you, such as:

  • I am not my mistakes.
  • I am enough.
  • There is no wrong decision.

“Recite these when you are having negative or self-defeating thoughts,” Bottari says.


Acknowledge thoughts about your former partner

When thoughts of your ex arise, try not to stop or block them. Instead, Bottari says, practice being a “witness” to these thoughts. When the thoughts come up, take a step back and acknowledge them.

“You know you are experiencing them; they are passing through your mind. You observe them. You practice observing and letting them go,” she explains.

“The minute you pay attention to one and label it as something ‘important,’ you are no longer witnessing them. You are now judging them. Judging brings more negative emotions since your expectations were not met.”


Express your needs to others

If you’re not feeling up to meeting friends out or are having a hard time following through on commitments, try to share your feelings with others.

“Try to reconsider your needs at this time and let others know what you are dealing with,” says Bottari. “Many people have felt the same way and will understand that you might need some time to return to your normal state.


Turn your attention toward others

When the pain of a breakup is too hard to bear, you may find that focusing on the needs of others can help bring feelings of wellbeing and distract you from focusing on yourself, explains Bottari.

Consider volunteering at a local soup kitchen or animal shelter, helping a friend in need with meals or cleaning, or cutting a neighbor’s grass.


Allow emotions to flow

You may find it helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about emotions related to your breakup or ex-partner.

If you’re not comfortable sharing all of your feelings, consider writing them down or meditating on them. You can also engage in another project, such as painting, that may help you release what’s on your mind.


Find relief in exercise and movement

Research shows that exercise can reduce stress. “Use exercise as a healthy outlet to manage feelings of anxiety, sadness, lethargy, and stress,” Bottari says.

A daily walk, bike ride, or online workout video are ways to work exercise into your daily routine when you’re feeling sad or stressed about the breakup.


Avoid activities that remind you of your ex

If you continue to feel overwhelmed by unwanted thoughts and emotions, consider staying away from places, music, and people who remind you of your ex for a little while.

“Try to go places that make you feel safe. Surround yourself with people that care about you. Go places that you have never been. Take a day trip and explore,” suggests Bottari.


Make meaning of the breakup

If possible, try to make meaning of the relationship ending, or accept that there’s no meaning to why it ended.

“Over time, you may come to realize that the end of your relationship was ultimately in your best interest. However, it is possible that you might not be able to find any positive in the relationship ending. Both are valid conclusions. Try to have faith and keep moving forward,” says Bottari.

A breakup can leave you feeling sad and alone, no matter who made the decision to split up. Cycling through a variety of feelings after a breakup is normal, especially if it was unexpected.

“We forget that we are meant to grow and change and learn. That doesn’t always happen at the same time or in the same way in a relationship,” says Moffa.

“Sometimes, one person changes and the other doesn’t. So, be gentle with yourself. You’re changing and growing and healing. We can’t do that all by force.”

Remember, it’s OK to not feel OK for a while. Give yourself time to process the loss of the relationship and practice self-compassion.

How to Get Over Heartbreak, According to Psychologists


This too shall pass. 

mjrodafotografia / Getty Images

On a scale of 1 to torturous, getting your heart broken is a solid “absolutely awful. ” Most of us have been there at some point, left wondering how to get over heartbreak. While there’s no surefire way to avoid a broken heart (unless you’re an unfeeling robot, of course), there is a way through it—even if, at the moment, you truly believe you’ll never be happy again. 

Understanding how your mind works—and how to work it better—can be helpful after breaking up. “It’s important to understand that we humans come hardwired with the ability to experience pleasure from our intimate connections and pain form heartbreak,” says Nan Wise, PhD, a sex therapist, neuroscientist, relationship expert, and the author of Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. “The oldest part of our brain, which we share with all mammals and many other animals, has a circuit of brain regions—the panic/grief/sadness system—that gets activated when we experience the loss of an important relationship.” 

According to Dr. Wise, this means your body can very much feel the physical and emotional aftereffects of a breakup because our brains instinctually view relationships, and the resources they provide, as essential for survival. “When activated, this panic/grief/sadness system creates painful withdrawal-like symptoms: an ache in the heart, overwhelming sadness and despair, ruminations, regrets, and diminished enthusiasm for life,” explains Dr. Wise. “It is important to remember that heartbreak and subsequent grief are not pathological, but a normal part of being an emotional creature. It is just the dark side to our life-affirming ability to form loving, intimate connections.”

Here, Dr. Wise and other experts share advice for how to get over heartbreak. 

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

When somebody breaks up with you, you’re going to feel a flood of emotions, says Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, a psychotherapist in New York City. “It’s a trauma. It’s a shock to your system.” And as with any type of emotional shock, “you want to be really gentle with yourself and you want to allow yourself to feel your feelings,” she says. After all, your feelings are there for a reason—they can help you move through difficult experiences, but only if you release them.

In the days following the breakup, allow yourself to cry and acknowledge that a breakup is like any other type of loss. With loss come five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. “You’re going to go through those in your own way, in your own time,” says Hendrix. And during the process, validate your feelings by saying things like “Why wouldn’t I feel like way?” and “Of course I’m experiencing this emotion.”

2. But don’t

become your feelings.

Though it’s important to express your feelings, it’s also important to stop short of becoming them, says Hendrix. So if you feel sad, let yourself wallow for a certain amount of time—say, an hour. Cry, scream, yell, journal, do whatever you need to do to let your emotions flow freely, she says. But when those 60 minutes are up, stop and move on to something else.  

3. Cut off communication with your ex.

There’s a scientific reason heartbreak hurts so much: You actually go through withdrawal-like symptoms after a breakup because the feel-good hormones you got from your partner are suddenly gone, says Elle Huerta, founder of Mend, an app and online community designed to help people post-breakup. “When your partner is no longer there, you start to crave those feel-good hormones,” she explains. “If you give in to this feeling and see your ex again, you’ll struggle to move forward and find yourself stuck months and maybe even years later.” (That’s why Mend promotes a 60-day “ex detox.”)

Cutting off all contact in the beginning is healthy, agrees Hendrix. It allows you to break your attachment to your former partner. That said, there’s no hard-and-fast rule about contacting your ex, she says. Brief, occasional communication—like, “Hey, could we talk for a few minutes? I’m having a hard time with this”—could be okay. Just be cautious that those “innocent check-ins” don’t become a habit. “Every time you talk to them, you open up another energy tie between you, and your goal is to break those energetic ties, not to keep creating them,” says Hendrix.

4. Find a support system.

Call two or three people you really care about and let them know what you’re going through, says Hendrix: “A lot of people love you, and they want to support you, but often they don’t know how because you’re not telling them.”

Opening up to others may bring catharsis in return. “Most everyone has been on the receiving end of a breakup at one time or another, and commiserating with them, sharing experiences, getting counsel, being reminded you’re not alone, can be highly beneficial,” says Franklin A. Porter, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City.

5. Exercise.

Breaking a sweat may be the last thing you want to do when you’re wallowing, but trust: It can help just as much as watching those breakup movies, if not more. “The endorphins produced during exercise will help with the withdrawal symptoms post-breakup, and it also helps you build confidence in yourself,” says Huerta.

6. Try yoga or meditation.

If running on the treadmill isn’t your idea of how to get over someone, at least consider gentle movement activities like yoga or meditation. “Grief is experienced in the body,” says Dr. Wise. She suggests yoga to help your body release those emotions. “Grief is stressful and can temporarily dysregulate the autonomic nervous system, hence changes in your sleep, appetite, and concentration.” According to Dr. Wise, breath work—a big part of yoga and meditation practices—can help calm the activation of that system.

“Going through grief can be an opportunity to learn new wellness habits like the regular practice of yoga, mindfulness, exercise, and even honing the ability to create more resilience and resourcefulness,” she explains. “If you have challenges finding such a practice, consider using a HeartMath biofeedback device, which can help you reset your nervous system and decrease the adverse effects of stress.”

7. Remember what sucked.

A common response if you regret breaking up is to idealize the other person, says Hendrix. And while you don’t want to deny that there were good parts of your relationship, you also don’t want to fixate on them. To find the middle ground, write a list of all the negative aspects of your former partner or relationship and look at it on the reg. “This mental exercise helps counterbalance all the obsessive thinking you will probably be experiencing around what you miss about your ex and why they were so great—even if they weren’t,” says Huerta.

8. Take care of yourself.

All experts agree that taking care of yourself in the midst of heartbreak is key. Check in with yourself throughout the day, says Hendrix, and ask, What do I need? Maybe it’s a healthy salad, maybe it’s a hot bath, maybe it’s a phone call with a friend.

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Also, know that feelings of rejection and diminished self-worth could trigger unhealthy responses like over- or undereating or substance abuse, which could lead to a depressive spiral, says Dr. Porter. “Exercise, nutrition, and proper sleep will raise the floor on how bad you feel,” he adds.

9. Don’t judge the length of your healing process.

“Don’t equate the time of healing with the time of your relationship,” says Hendrix. Even “almost” relationships can cause enormous heartbreak, says Huerta.

“A lot of times people are like, ‘Well, I was only with them for six months. Why am I devastated?’” says Hendrix. “Because you fell for them in six months and you’ve gotten super attached and you started spending every day and night together for a while. Your six months is like somebody else’s two years. So whatever you feel, honor that.” In truth, how long it takes to get over an ex depends on a variety of factors, including the narrative you tell yourself.

10. Don’t internalize the breakup.

In the aftermath of a difficult split, Dr. Porter says, avoid thinking, I’m not good enough—there’s something wrong with me. Instead, situate the problem in the relationship (if not in your partner), he says.

11. Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors.

Try to understand any impulses you may be having, like texting your ex, checking their Instagram every hour, or replaying every damn detail of your last weekend together. These urges are part of the natural withdrawal process that happens after heartbreak, but don’t let yourself overindulge in obsessive behaviors (like analyzing every aspect of your relationship until 4 a.m.), says Hendrix. If you find yourself spending significant time in this frame of mind, it might be wise to reach out to a coach or therapist for support.

12. Create new routines.

Realize that the breakup is likely going to cause voids in your life. Say you and your ex always went to the movies every Friday, says Hendrix. Now your Friday nights are wide open, but instead of wallowing alone, proactively call your friends and make plans.

13. Explore old—and new—interests.

Say you really enjoy the outdoors, but your ex didn’t, so while you were together, you cut back on your weekend hiking habit. Now that you’re single, give yourself permission to reconnect with that interest and also explore new hobbies. “The universe meets us at the point of action, and if we’re trying to heal, we have to take steps to heal,” says Hendrix.

Take intentional steps to move forward with your life, like joining a new gym, signing up for pottery class, or booking a trip with friends.

14. Accept that closure is something you may need to find on your own.

Sometimes you’re not going to get the closure you need from your ex, and you’ll have to find it on your own. If your former partner couldn’t explain the reason for the breakup, create your own healthy narrative. And if that isn’t enough to provide closure, consider talking with a therapist about how to heal a broken heart, says Hendrix.

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Also, if your breakup triggers thoughts and feelings about other losses in your life and you’re having a hard time processing it all, definitely seek outside help.

15. If you decide to date, do so cautiously.

After getting your heart trampled, it can be tempting to instantly download a dating app and search for a rebound. But Hendrix warns against dating too soon after heartbreak. “You don’t want to push yourself before it’s time just to avoid feeling your feelings because, most likely, they’re going to come back to bite you,” she says. At the same time, reentering the dating scene could provide a healthy confidence boost for your bruised ego. Just be honest with yourself—and the people you’re dating—about where you’re at emotionally, she says. If you’re not fully over your ex and simply looking for a fun fling, say so. 

16. Trust that the pain won’t last forever.

“However much pain you’re experiencing, try to believe that ‘this, too, shall pass,’ and have faith that on any given day, you could meet your special someone who’s truly right for you,” says Dr. Porter. When you’re in the thick of heartbreak, it can be hard to imagine that you could ever feel otherwise. But “time does tend to heal most, if not all wounds,” says Dr. Porter.

17. Down the road, reflect on the positive things.

In the long run, the breakup shouldn’t taint the whole relationship, says Dr. Porter. “As the pain subsides, consider the good you got out of it, embrace the excitement of new possibilities, and remind yourself how awesome you are.”

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How to mend a broken heart and find happiness in life again / Sofa of love

Having a broken heart is one of the worst things you will experience in life. Learning to mend a broken heart will be very valuable knowledge.

At some point you will break your heart. Perhaps you will become one of those lucky ones who found their true love and never experienced a breakup. But that's not the norm, and that's why you need to know how to mend a broken heart in order to find happiness again after being hurt so badly. nine0005

It's not easy to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. At first you will crash, but after you start healing, you will learn to live again. However, you will find that being happy is harder than it used to be. You will find less joy in things that have used you, turn you on like nothing else.

First, you have to go through the gap.

Believe it or not, decay can take a while. You might think that all it takes is one conversation, but sometimes a breakup can go on and on and on. This is usually the case when the other person is not entirely sure that he wants to leave you. They just keep playing with the idea and never come out and tell you beforehand. nine0005

Then, after a while, they finally give you a straight answer and you're left with a broken heart to deal with. The first step is to overcome the initial separation from the class. Don't pull. Do not drink, dial them again and again. Leave them alone and try to get by with a solid support group.

How to mend a broken heart so you can find happiness and potentially love again

I know you don't really think about finding love again right now, but you can learn how to mend a broken heart so you can, at least start enjoying life again. Here's what you can do to get through the pain until your heart heals. nine0005

#1 Get help from friends. Your friends are there to support you. They want to lift you up and help you when you are going through a difficult time. Reach out to them and tell them what's going on. Discuss your feelings and why you are hurt.

Let them know what you're going through so they can offer help. Chances are you were on the other side of that equation before helping them. Let them repay the favor now.

#2 Find distractions. nine0010 If you want your heart to heal, you need to find things to take your mind off the pain. The less you notice it, the easier it will be to pass. Over time, you will find that it causes less and less pain, and the more you don't think about it, the faster you will get through this difficult period of time..

Spend time with friends. Do what you like. Try not to lie in bed thinking about nothing but the fact that your heart is broken.

# 3 Get on with your life. nine0010 Don't stop doing what you've always done. If you have a hobby, keep doing it. Continue hanging out with friends on the same night of the week as always. Don't stop living your life just because you have a broken heart. If you do, it will only get worse.

# 4 Take up new hobbies. You will probably have some free time since you are no longer in a relationship. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, take up new hobbies. You will be distracted and you may also find something new that you really enjoy. You can take on many different projects to find what you like best..

# 5 Read often. Reading is a great distraction because you really can't think about your own life when you read about other characters' struggles.

When you super-invest in a story, you won't think long about your own heartache. Find good books and start reading. Your heart will be fixed in no time.

# 6 Allow yourself to feel the pain. Don't try to hide it. If you need to cry, cry. Allow yourself to feel the pain of your broken heart, because it hurts so much. Nobody is going to hold this against you. nine0005

Take time to cry and then come back and find a reason to smile. To learn how to fix a broken heart, you need to cry really well and then cheer yourself up.

# 7 Get out as much as possible. It's really easy to stay cooped up inside when you're heartbroken. You don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. This is clear. However, you need.

Let your friends pull you and have fun with you. This is a fantastic distraction that will also help you realize that there is more to life than your ex. nine0005

#8 Think logically about your relationship. Take a step back and look at the quality of your previous relationships from afar. Was it really that great? It's easy to have a distorted perspective when you're with someone because you love them.

However, usually the relationship was not so good from the very beginning. They abandoned you. There were clearly problems. Take a step back and think logically about your relationship as if it were your friend's relationship. This can help you see the truth in this matter and get over your grief much faster. nine0005

#9 Start building trust. Your self-esteem is probably shot. You've been dumped It's understandable that you don't feel so good, but being insecure will only make things worse.

Go to the gym to feel better and get some endorphins. Focus on your positive qualities and don't let the fact that you parted with the destruction of how you see yourself.

# 10 Write down how you feel. nine0010 Sometimes writing down our feelings helps us see what we are experiencing from a different perspective. It's easier to see what we struggle with the most when we're recording.

So start journaling. Talk about the pain you are going through and how you feel every day. It also helps you let go of those feelings so you don't keep them inside.

# 11 Try rebound. Just be careful if you go that route. You can learn how to mend a broken heart by having someone put the pieces back together. Just be careful not to get into a relationship with someone right away and not use it as a rebound. This can have dire consequences. nine0005

# 12 Give him some time. You won't heal this tear overnight. It will take some time. As a standard, give yourself three months. If after three months you don't even feel better, seek further professional help.

Feeling down and negative for a long time can become a hindrance to your life. Fix it early so you can be happy again.

Learning to mend a broken heart is a rewarding process, but it is not easy. You will have to stay tough and go through those rough patches before you can find happiness again. nine0010

How to mend a broken heart? - Psychological center "Transfiguration"

The pain of breaking up a relationship is a pain that many people experience, maybe even more than once in a lifetime. Movies and books make it easy to bounce back from a broken heart: a happy ending either means the couple gets back together, or someone moves on to an even better relationship. How to heal a broken heart?

In real life, relationship problems usually don't get resolved in two hours, like on a silver screen, and stories don't always end well. nine0005

If you are trying to come to terms with the end of a relationship, often repeated platitudes, recommendations and clichés are unlikely to help. While people may have good intentions when they say, “It’s better to love and lose than never love at all,” such statements don’t give you practical advice on how to deal with your emotions.

Healing from grief is not the same process for everyone. It can even change in the same person throughout his life, changing from one relationship to another. nine0005

No one can tell you with any degree of certainty how long it will take you to recover. But there are several ways to turn the process of recovering from a broken heart into an opportunity to learn more about your wants and needs.

Ultimately, you can use these ideas to develop and strengthen your healthy coping skills. The growth you see will help you navigate your future relationships with others as well as your relationship with yourself. nine0005

Ways to heal a broken heart

Immediately after a breakup, know that it's okay to give yourself time to get over the loss. You don't have to jump into problem-solving mode right away—in fact, not allowing yourself to fully express your feelings can make the process longer and more difficult.

In the early days, try to suppress the desire to isolate yourself. Sadness, guilt, confusion, and other strong feelings can be overwhelming. Reach out to people who care about you. You will need the support of family and friends to come to terms with the changes in your life. nine0005

When you're ready for the next step, here are some do's and don'ts.

Don't let your emotions control you

Try not to see the end of a relationship as a failure. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn't matter if this was your first relationship or if you already had others. Everyone, whether they are 15 or 50, can get to know themselves better and work on improving their relationship skills.

You may be very angry at relationships, including how they ended. You may even be tempted to "get back at" your ex or fantasize about interfering or ruining his life, including new relationships. nine0005

Remember that hurting another person will not lessen your pain. In fact, it is more likely to make you feel worse and slow down your own recovery process.

Take care of yourself

Self-care can be emotional, physical, and spiritual. You have your own unique needs in each area, but there are some general self-care steps. Which are beneficial for almost everyone, such as diet, regular exercise, social support systems, and stress management strategies. nine0005

Try to be patient, gentle, kind and generous towards yourself. You may find it helpful to know that the pain of a breakup is not only emotional; studies have shown that people can also feel physical pain.

You may also need to work on regaining the big picture perspective. When you're in a romantic relationship, they can be a central part of your life, but romantic love isn't the only kind that can be. Continue to develop relationships with friends, family. nine0005

If you feel guilty or ashamed about your role in a relationship that ended. It may be difficult for you to be a good friend to yourself while you are dealing with these feelings. Remember that practicing self-compassion makes you more likely to attract that kind of energy from others.

If, over time, you find yourself unable to leave a relationship or feel unable to cope with the loss (even with the support of friends and family), you may want to seek the advice of a therapist. nine0005

Working with a trusted, knowledgeable, skilled, and compassionate therapist is good self-care during any period of major change in your life. But it can be especially helpful when you're coping with the loss of something important to you.

Don't dwell on the past

We all have a tendency to look back at our lives or certain relationships with rose-tinted glasses. The effect of "rosy hindsight" is that you may refuse to see the problems and focus only on the good things. nine0005

Sometimes it can feel like both good and bad memories are stuck in your mind. These intrusive thoughts can slow down the healing process and cause serious harm.

Although it may be difficult, try not to lose perspective. There are no bad relationships, but ideal ones too. If you're celebrating a relationship or finding yourself continuing to put your ex on a pedestal, it could be a sign that you need to give yourself emotional and possibly physical distance. nine0005

For example, in the digital age, you may struggle to refrain from "checking" your ex through social media. If you can't resist the temptation, it might be time to unfriend him or block his profile.

You will not be able to continue your own healing if you are constantly involved in their lives and thinking about what once was and what will never be.

If your ex is starting a new relationship - seeing him post on social media (even if it's not always an accurate representation of reality) can bring back old feelings in you. It can also fuel preoccupation with any unresolved aspects of your relationship with them. nine0005

Appreciate the good memories

Even if your relationship ended on a sad note, it probably wasn't all that bad. It's okay, looking back at what was good about it.

At the same time, you may feel overwhelmed by the empty space that is left when a relationship ends. Or feel resentment about what happened that led to their breakup.

Getting rid of these shifts in emotions is part of the healing process. When a happy memory pops up, allow yourself to be grateful for it—and then move on. nine0005

Do not deny your needs

Being honest with yourself about your needs (especially those that are not being met) can be painful. You might think it would be easier and less painful to just ignore them.

While it may be easier for you to "numb" in pain in the short term, it will only make it harder for you to heal in the long term. The idea that you have no needs deprives you of the opportunity to grow both in relationships with others and in relationships with yourself. nine0005

Reassess your needs

After a breakup, it's a good time to think about your wants and needs in a romantic relationship. You may find it helpful to keep a diary or make lists.

Ask yourself questions such as: "Have I chosen partners who are incapable of loving and mature relationships?" and "I was hoping that this person would change or that I could change him?"

It can be painful to admit that your previous relationship didn't meet your needs. Taking the time to reflect honestly can be hard work. But once you do, you will be able to clarify the qualities to look for in a future partner. nine0005

Don't jump right into a new relationship

You may feel the need to find a new romantic partner urgently, but the so-called "recovery" relationship does not allow you to work on your previous one.

If you don't have time to think about recently ended relationships, you may end up repeating patterns or making the same mistakes in new ones.

It can be difficult to let go of old ways of thinking and behaving, even when you know it is useless. But recognition is the first step to making change. nine0005

Try again when you're ready

Sometimes it's hard for people to deal with being alone when they're used to being part of a couple. This can be especially true after a long-term relationship has ended.

If you are struggling with your individuality, try to remember that your worth comes from who you are, not who you are with.

Being alone gives you the opportunity to focus on yourself - although this can be difficult. If you are used to taking care of others and usually find it easier than thinking about your own needs. nine0005

Sometimes people who are not so confident in their own communication feel more comfortable in social situations when they are part of a couple. Others may enjoy communication whether they are in a relationship or not. But they may resist leaving home after a breakup.

The tendency to avoid social contact is often a mixture of anxiety about meeting a former partner or someone you know who might ask about the relationship. And also in combination with the desire to avoid places, activities and people that remind you of your ex. nine0005

Try not to isolate yourself. You certainly don't have to go out on a Friday night if you prefer to stay at home with a book. But if you really want to spend time with other people and just don't want to go out on your own, invite friends over

Although you don't have to rush, over time you can start to open up to the possibility of new relationships.

It can be scary to think about falling in love again - especially after you've been hurt. But try to remember that how deep the pain of a broken heart is, it means that you have experienced love just as deeply. nine0005

You may not even be looking for a relationship when love finds you, because it can show up in unexpected places. If you're looking more mindfully, be open to meeting others when you go out and choose places and activities that you enjoy.

Whether it's a church group, sports team, or local library, you're more likely to form positive relationships with others and find lasting relationships (both friends and romantic partners). Places where you feel safe and comfortable. nine0005


Forgiving an ex can take time and can be difficult, especially if you've been hurt or betrayed. It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean that you condone his hurtful behavior and actions.

In fact, sometimes the act of forgiveness is not so much about the other person. Reaching the place of forgiveness gives you permission to stop wasting time and energy on a person and situation that is no longer healthy for you.

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