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Stages of grieving infidelity


The Grief of an Affair

Your partner cheated. Now what?

Your partner cheated. Now what?

Your partner cheated. Now what?

Read part one of this two-part article: How Do Affairs Happen?

The revelation of a partner’s affair (sexual or emotional) comes as a shock to the hurt partner, even when doubts exist. The loss of trust in a relationship is no different from a physical loss. The closeness of the relationship and the hurt partner’s perception of preventability were identified as predictors of the grieving process’s intensity and duration in a study on human grief by Bugen. The predictors wouldn’t be different in the case of trust loss as well.

The process of grief includes five emotional stages to recovery from loss, as per the Kubler-Ross model. This process is not linear, and the hurt partner can find themselves at any stage throughout varying timelines. The stages of trust loss, applying the grief model to the aftermath of an affair, would be as follows:

Denial

The hurt partner struggles to comprehend what happened and is often unaware of the Gottman-Rusbult-Glass betrayal cascade that the betraying partner experienced or is experiencing (Read further about the betraying partner’s struggles in the article, “How Do Affairs Happen?”). The hurt partner tends to minimize the pain of the affair initially and goes through the phase of “something is amiss, and it will be set right.” There is a strong need to confirm with the partner by asking questions in several different ways as they feel that this cannot be happening.

Anger

The hurt partner starts to piece together the incidents from the past, and the reality gradually emerges. There is apparent anger about the betrayal, hurt for being let down, and sadness about losing the relationship. The anger can be toward oneself for letting this happen, the partner who did this to them, and the liaison who shouldn’t have crossed the boundaries. But then, there is also the fear that the anger may push away the very person they still love. The fear of losing the partner results in suppressing anger, which may erupt abruptly at different points as the entirety of the situation sinks in. There may also be self-doubt about their role in the case, which is overwhelming, given the immense emotional stress already persisting.

Bargaining

The feelings of confusion, pain, anger, and other emotions seem unbearable and threaten the loss of control. It is a helpless state intensified by powerful emotions and therefore comes a need to regain control. The hurt partner tries to reset the past by exploring different paths, such as “if only I had stopped her that day when I saw her messaging,” “what if the other person had misused the situation and my partner is not at fault,” etc. There is a struggle to heal the pain faster by providing logical explanations and intellectualizing feelings. The hurt partner may try premature closure to postpone experiencing painful emotions.

Depression 

Here one feels the full impact of losing a trusted relationship. The affair erases everything the hurt partner believed. While the first three stages are more cognitive and solution-oriented, this stage is emotional and experience-oriented. It might involve heaviness and isolation. The hurt partner experiences intense emotions of anger, sadness, and doubts that can feel like there is no more running away. Questions may arise like, “does my partner love me at all?” “I should have given more time and attention before,” “What do I do now?” etc. These questions address the concerns at a deeper level, releasing intense emotions. It is a difficult phase that can feel foggy. Though depression may feel like a comfort zone as the inner conflict lessens, dwelling here indefinitely is unhealthy and would need counseling assistance to move on.

Acceptance

Acceptance comes concerning what happened and what it means in the future. It is not a perfect resolution and permanent closure (with emotions and interpersonal realities) but a transformative stage following a significant change. The hurt partner may start to have thoughts like, “I am aware of what went wrong and can understand the reasons,” “I will be able to forgive and move on,” etc. At this point, the perspective is more on the present moment and future rather than the past. Hope is renewed about the restoration of the relationship. This stage feels different as the outlook towards several aspects of life changes.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Shirley Glass noted that the hurt partner often suffers from a PTSD reaction following an affair’s discovery. According to Drs. John and Julie Gottman, if the below symptoms persist, then the chances are that the hurt partner is experiencing PTSD. 

  1. Recurrent recollections and intrusive visualizations: “Deja vu” events, days, locations, etc., tend to trigger flashbacks of affair specifics. For example, recurring dates of when the hurt partner had found out about the affair trigger memories and related emotions that can induce flooding (stress) and panic attacks.
  2. Oscillating moods, confusion, irritability, and outbursts: As the hurt partner struggles between feelings of betrayal and acceptance, there are periods of emotional numbing followed by explosions.
  3. Intense emotions of anger, hurt, shame, grief, and frustration: There are ambivalent fears of anger, guilt, self-doubts, etc. , that can overwhelm the hurt partner. Empathetic listening goes a long way in healing.
  4. Hyper-vigilance and startling: Hurt partners can become startled and vigilant about mundane things like message notifications, phone rings, delay in replies, etc., and may seem to make impossible demands. Compassion and assurance will help.
  5. Avoidance, detachment, and seclusion: The overwhelming feelings appear challenging, and isolation may seem like the only option. The betraying partner often misunderstands it as distancing and tends to stay away. It may enhance the feelings of rejection in the hurt partner when what is needed is emotional support.
  6. Loss of focus and interest: The depression symptoms of demotivation, loss of interest, lack of energy, irregular sleep, no appetite, low feelings, etc., can persist.
  7. Hopelessness about the future: As the world, they know, collapses, there may be hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship.

Although not all partners hurt by an affair will develop PTSD reactions, many will experience grief and depression. Hurt partners may become obsessed with the affair’s details, feel powerless with their emotions, and need therapeutic assistance at such times. It is important to note that these reactions are normal responses and can benefit from couple therapy.

Final thought

An affair shakes everything that the hurt partner believes in their understanding of themselves and the world. Gottman Method Couples Therapy can help a couple learn to atone, attune, and attach as they restore new purpose and meaning together.

References:

Bugen, L. A. (1977). Human grief: A model for prediction and intervention. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 47(2), 196–206. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1977.tb00975.x

Glass, S. (2007). NOT “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity. Simon & Schuster.

Gottman, J. (1995). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last. Simon & Schuster.

Gottman, J. M. (2011). The science of trust: Emotional attunement for couples.

Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017a). The Natural Principles of Love. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 9(1), 7–26. doi: 10.1111/JFTR.12182

Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017b). Treating Affairs and Trauma. Unpublished manuscript,  Gottman Institute, Seattle, USA.

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1986). Assessing the role of emotion in marriage. Behavioral Assessment.

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221–233. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.63.2.221

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2002). A Two‐Factor Model for Predicting When a Couple Will Divorce: Exploratory Analyses Using 14‐Year Longitudinal Data*. Family Process, 41(1), 83–96. doi: 10.1111/J.1545-5300.2002.40102000083.X

Hall, C. (2011). Beyond Kubler-Ross: recent developments in our understanding of grief and bereavement. InPsych: The Bulletin of the Australian Psychological Society Ltd, 33(6), 8.

Holland, K. (2018, September 25). What You Should Know About the Stages of Grief. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief

Jinashree Rajendrakumar

Jinashree is a Certified Gottman Couple Therapist from India. She is certified in Treating Affairs & Traumas, NLP, Hypnosis, CBT Skills, Mindfulness, TA (Year 1), and Client-Centered Therapy. She is an entrepreneur and pursuing her doctoral research in couple studies at Christ (Deemed to be University), India. She worked as a software engineer and technical lead for 17 years in companies like Cisco Systems and Hewlett Packard. She changed her profession from IT to Counselling Psychology in the last few years and found her calling in couple therapy. ="wpforms-"]

Stages of Grief from Cheating Spouse & Overcoming Infidelity

Infidelity in a relationship is never easy to deal with. It is a destructive force and many relationships have been severed by this act. Whether you choose to give the relationship another chance or not, there are stages of grief if you have a cheating spouse that one must go through. 

Importance of Stages of Grief if You Have Cheating Spouse

Partners who have been cheated on might feel like their world is ending. It is true in a marriage, especially ones with children, because you see your relationship as a sacred thing. The feeling of betrayal is difficult to get over, and it will take time.

It was Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who identified the five stages of grief after learning you have a cheating spouse. These five distinct stages represent the various levels of grief. It is important to identify these stages because you cannot rush things when you are dealing with feelings of pain and betrayal.

Some people might experience all five stages, while others may not. It varies from one person to another and on a case-to-case basis. No two people grieve the same. However, it is important to know the stages of grief because it allows you to understand your feelings better. In addition, there is no particular order to these stages, it depends on the circumstances that surround each case of infidelity. 

5 Stages of Grief from having a Cheating Spouse

When suffering from grief due to infidelity, the partners that had been cheated on must be made aware that they are not alone in this suffering. The five stages of grief represent the rollercoaster of emotions that one goes through when trying to make sense of the betrayal. 

Discover what these five stages are so you can learn how to better cope with each emotion that you might experience. 

Denial

The denial stage is the first one that a spouse goes through when they are cheated on. This is also referred to as premature optimism. The initial feeling that you experience when you realize that you have been cheated on is shock. The discovery and revelation of an affair from your spouse leaves you in shock.

Some would describe this stage as feeling numb; making it appear as though they are unfazed by the discovery. Slowly, the emotion starts to creep in and the reality of the situation confronts you, this is when you gain full understanding of what has happened. 

When in denial, a person might talk tough and put up a brave front. For most individuals though, the optimism is genuine. They try to block out the negative emotions associated with infidelity by keeping a positive attitude. For a few others, it is a ‘denial’ or an effort to mask their real emotions (which are pain and anger). 

The extent of denial varies from one person to another. For some, it can be very subtle – an attempt to look at things objectively. For a few others, they are very blatant about it ─ such as trying to make excuses for their spouse’s behavior. However, the latter does not benefit you or your relationship. Another reason why some people do this is because they are afraid to truly know the extent of their spouse’s cheating behavior. 

Anger

After the denial stage, the feeling of anger starts to take over. The act of betrayal fully sinks in, and you are overcome with the urge to retaliate through hostile acts. Some people exhibit full rage in an effort to cope with the grief and betrayal. This anger can be directed towards the cheating spouse or indirectly projected towards other people.

This is one of the most difficult phases of grief to overcome. Aside from being upset by the circumstances, all of the repressed negative emotions boil up to the surface. 

Experts believe that anger is a normal part of the grieving process. You need to acknowledge these feelings; in fact, it is healthy to show them. But you should never act on any urges to retaliate because you could end up hurting the people that matter to you. It is common to find violence takes place in non-violent relationships, and you should do your best to avoid this from happening to you. 

Bargaining

This is one of the most crucial steps of the grief process during reconciliation. According to Kubler-Ross, it is a natural process for someone to attempt to bargain in an effort to avoid an unwanted fate. In the case of a cheating spouse, the cheating party would try to come up with a bargain as part of their effort to save the relationship. 

This stage occurs as a result of the desire to try to fix what was missing in the relationship in the past that led to the affair (even though it isn’t true). The partner that had been cheated on will feel the need to make a compromise and accept the bargain that was offered to them to prevent the relationship from ending. 

This is a slippery slope, and the grieving partner must tread it very carefully. It is easy for the cheating partner to downplay their unacceptable behavior, even when their bothersome habits are recurring. Make sure you exercise full caution when accepting any bargain made by your cheating spouse. You need to tell the difference between giving them a second chance because they deserve it versus giving them a second chance simply because you want to save the relationship. If the latter applies to your case, you will end up dealing with the same problematic behaviors you’ve tolerated in the past. 

Depression

Depression is a specific stage in the process of grieving from a cheating spouse. However, feelings of depression could manifest in any of the other stages. 

Different people cope with their emotions in different ways. Therefore, some might feel the need to turn those feelings inward – probably due to the embarrassment of being cheated on. But this does you no good because it only makes you more upset and sad. You end up being angry at yourself. 

If you experience depression, it is important to speak to a close friend, family member, or a therapist. They can help you address those feelings before it becomes more serious or life-threatening.

Acceptance

The final stage of grief from a cheating spouse is acceptance. This will only happen once you fully acknowledge that your partner has betrayed you by having an affair. Acceptance can happen whether or not you have forgiven your spouse. In addition, you do not have to feel okay either. 

Acceptance means that you have released yourself from the emotional burden of your spouse’s behaviors. You no longer blame yourself for what happened. Instead, you are ready to move on with your life (even if it means no longer being with your spouse).

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Prayers in sorrow for the infidelity of a spouse


  • to the Holy Martyrs Gury, Samon and Aviv
  • Holy Martyrs Adrian and Natalia
  • Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom
  • In front of the Icon of the Mother of God "Guest of Sinners"
  • Before the icon of the Mother of God "Search for the lost"
  • Before the icon of the Mother of God "Feodorovskaya"
  • Before the Icon of the Mother of God "Smolenskaya" ("Hodegetria")
  • Before the icon of the Mother of God "Protection of the Most Holy Theotokos"

    Translation: O holy martyrs and confessors of Christ Guri, Samon and Aviv! Zealous intercessors and prayer books for us before God, in the tenderness of our hearts, looking at your most pure image, we humbly pray to you: hear us, sinful and unworthy servants of yours (names), who are in troubles, sorrows and misfortunes, and be merciful to our heavy and countless sins, show us your great mercy, lift us from the depths of sins, enlighten our mind, soften the evil and accursed heart, stop envy, enmity and strife that live in us. Overshadow us with peace, love and the fear of God, implore the merciful Lord to cover the multitude of our sins with His indescribable mercy. May she keep His Holy Church from unbelief, heresies and schisms. May he give our country peace, prosperity, fertility of the land; spouses love and harmony; obedience to children; offended patience; offending the fear of God; grieving complacency; rejoicing abstinence. May He cover all of us with His almighty right hand, and may He deliver us from famine, destruction, earthquake, flood, fire, sword, invasion of foreigners and internecine strife, and unexpected death. May He protect us with an army of His holy angels, so that after our exodus from this life we ​​will be delivered from the wiles of the evil one and his secret air ordeals, and appear uncondemned to the Throne of the Lord of Glory, where the faces of the holy angels with all the saints always glorify the most holy and magnificent name of the Father and the Son of the Father Holy Spirit, now and always and forever and ever. Amen.

    Holy Martyrs Adrians and Natalia2

    Audio:

    1:20

    o, the sacred courtyard, the Holy of the Martyr, Adrians and Natalia, the Blessed of the Houses and the Upons of the sufferer! Hear us praying to you with tears (names) , and send down on us all that is beneficial to our souls and our bodies, and pray to Christ God, have mercy on us and work with us according to His mercy, that we not perish in our sins. Hey, holy martyrs, accept the voice of our prayer and deliver us with your prayers from gladness, destruction, cowardice, flood, fire, hail, sword, invasion of foreigners and internecine warfare, from vain death and from all troubles, sadness, and get out With your prayers and intercession of strengthening, let us glorify the Lord Jesus Christ, to Him befits all Glory, honor and worship, with His Beginning Father and the Most Holy Spirit, forever and ever. Amen.

    Translation: O blessed couple, holy martyrs of Christ, Adrian and Natalia, blessed spouses and brave sufferers! Hear us praying to you with tears (names), and send down on us everything that is beneficial to our souls and bodies, and pray to Christ God, have mercy on us and do with us according to His mercy, that we not perish in our sins. O holy martyrs, accept the voice of our supplication and deliver us with your prayers from famine, epidemic, earthquake, flood, fire, hail, sword, barbarian invasion and internecine war, from unexpected death and from all troubles, sorrows and illnesses, yes always, your Strengthened by prayers and intercession, let us glorify the Lord Jesus Christ, to Whom all glory, honor and worship is due, with His Father without beginning and the Most Holy Spirit, forever and ever. Amen.

    Holy Peter and Fevronia Muromsky3

    Audio:

    1:20

    O, Blagiean, and Princess of Fauchery, to the waist of the murderer and to the worship of the murderer. sinners (names) , your holy prayers to the Lord God and ask His goodness for all that is beneficial to our souls and bodies: faith is right, hope is good, love is not hypocritical, piety is unshakable. Proceed to us from the King of Heaven for a prosperous life and a good Christian death. Hey, holy miracle workers! Do not translate the prayers of them, but if you have a mining of the state, and you will show you to the ethnicity of the earnest and queen to the unbearable humanity of the father and the saint in the threefold.

    Translation: Oh, saints of God, noble Prince Peter and Princess Fevronia, we resort to you and pray to you with strong hope: lift up your holy prayers for us, sinners (names), to the Lord God and ask His goodness everything that is beneficial to our souls and bodies: righteous faith, good hope, unfeigned love, unshakable piety, success in good deeds. And intercede for us from the Heavenly King a prosperous life and a good Christian death. Oh, holy miracle workers! Do not neglect our prayers, but always be intercessors for us before the Lord, and with your help make us worthy to receive eternal salvation and inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, may we glorify the inexpressible love of mankind of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, in the Trinity of the worshiped God forever and ever.

    Prayer before the hiccup of the Mother of Mater “Spiritaries of the Grivniy” 4

    Audio:

    3:11

    o, the lord of the Khristian Roda and the rescue and the rescue of the survivor are I will war, I will like the evil sin and forever, premiuming the lord, giving birth to the deed of you, but the Imams of the adoption of the deceive of it, You are, therefore, the images of my sinful souls pardoned by the eye, presenting also to the great mercy of God, which they received, looking, daring and az, sinner, resort with repentance to Your mercy. Oh, All-merciful Lady, give me a helping hand and ask Your Son and Mother God and Your most holy prayers for forgiveness of my grave sin. I believe and confess that it is He Who gave birth to Him, Your Son, is truly Christ, the Son of the Living God, Judge of the living and the dead, repay anyone according to his deeds. But I still believe and confess to you to be the true Mother of God, the source of mercy, the consolation of the weeping, the recovery of the lost, the strong and unceasing Intercessor to God, the deeply loving Christian race, and the guarantor of repentance. Truly, for a person there is no other help and cover, is it possible for You, the Merciful Lady, and no one, trusting in You, being ashamed when and, begging God for You, no one was left behind. The same thing is the prayer of the misconception of your own: replies two of your miracle, so much and the depths of the depths, do not be immerse, do not precede the sunglasses of my prayer Thy merciful Son and God, born to me of Thee, may my great sins be forgiven and deliver me from my harm; Yes, and with all those who have received forgiveness, I will sing and glorify the immeasurable mercy of God and Your shameless intercession for me in this life and in the endless age. Amen.

    Translation: O Most Blessed Lady, Defender of the Christian race, protection and salvation of those who resort to You! I know, I really know, O Merciful Lady, how much I sinned and angered the Son of God born to You, but I know many examples of those who angered His mercy before me: publicans, harlots and other sinners, they were given forgiveness of their sins, because of repentance and confession . I see the images of those who have been pardoned through the eyes of my sinful soul, I pass them on to the great mercy of God, those accepted, looking, I, a sinner, dared to resort with repentance to Your mercy. Oh, All-Merciful Lady, give me a helping hand and ask Your Son and Motherly God and Your most holy prayers for forgiveness of my grave sins. I believe and confess that She Who gave birth, Your Son, is truly Christ, the Son of the Living God, the Judge of the living and the dead, He rewards everyone according to his deeds. I believe and again I confess You - the true Mother of God, the source of mercy, the consolation of the weeping, the search for the dead, the strong and unceasing Intercessor to God, who loves the Christian race very much, and the guarantor of repentance. Indeed, there is no other help and protection for people except You, O Merciful Lady, and no one, trusting in You, was ashamed, and when, begging God by You, no one was left. Therefore, I pray Your innumerable goodness: open the doors of Your mercy to me, who have erred and fallen into the depths of mud, do not be angry with me, the filthy one, do not neglect my sinful prayer, do not leave me, the accursed one, because the evil enemy is looking for death, how to kidnap me, but pray for me to Your merciful Son and God, born of You, to forgive my great sins and deliver me from my death; so I, with all those who have received forgiveness, will sing and glorify the immeasurable mercy of God and Your shameless intercession for me in this life and in the endless age. Amen.

    The prayer before the hiccup of the Mother's Mother's “Picking of the Deaned” 5

    Audio:

    1:07

    The trigger, the good -country state, is resorting to you, more and more than the might of you, Hear the voice of my supplication and hear my cry and groaning. Like my iniquity surpassing my head and I, like a ship in the abyss, I plunge into the sea of ​​my sins. But You, Omnipotent and Merciful Lady, do not despise me, desperate and perishing in sins. Have mercy on me, who repent of my evil deeds, and turn my erring, accursed soul to the right path. On Thee, my Lady Theotokos, I place all my hope. You, Mother of God, save and keep me under Your roof now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

    Translation: Defender Zealous, compassionate Mother of the Lord, I resort to You, despised and most sinful of all people. Hear the voice of my supplication and hear my cry and groaning. For my iniquities are higher than my head, and I, like a ship into the abyss, sink into the sea of ​​my sins. But You, the All-good and Merciful Lady, do not reject me, despairing and perishing in sins. Have mercy on me, who repents of my evil deeds, and turn my misguided, unfortunate soul to the right path. On Thee, my Lady Mother of God, I place all my hope. You, Mother of God, save and keep me under Your protection now, always and forever. Amen.

    Prayer before the Icon of the Mother of God “Feodorovskaya”6

    Audio:

    1:59

    to whom I will bring my tears and sighs, if not to Thee, Queen of Heaven and earth. Who will cast me out of the mud of sins and iniquities, if not You, O Mother of the Belly, Intercessor and Refuge of the human race.
    He hear my wall, console me and have mercy on my own, protect in trouble and attacks, delight from the bitterness and grieve and all the ailments and more sickly, from the enemy of the vidimos and invisible, peacefulness to me, let it be shed in a slander; so free me from your own flesh of vile customs.
    Shelter me under the canopy of Your mercy, may I find peace and joy and cleansing from sins. I entrust myself to your Mother’s intercession: wake me Mother and Hope, Cover and Help and Intercession, joy and consolation and an ambulance in everything Helper.
    O wonderful mistress! Everyone, flowing to You, does not depart without Your almighty help: for this sake, and I am unworthy, I resort to You, so that I will be delivered from sudden and fierce death, gnashing of teeth and eternal torment. I will receive the Kingdom of Heaven, and I will say to You in the tenderness of my heart: Rejoice, Mother of God, Our zealous Intercessor and Intercessor, forever and ever. Amen.

    Translation: To whom shall I call, O Lady, to whom shall I resort in my sorrow; to whom shall I bring my tears and sighs, if not to Thee, O Queen of Heaven and earth. Who will tear me out of the mire of sins and iniquities, if not You, O Mother of Life, Intercessor and Refuge of the human race.
    Hear my groaning, comfort me and have mercy in my sorrow, protect me in troubles and misfortunes, deliver me from bitterness and sorrows and all kinds of ailments and diseases, from enemies visible and invisible, calm the enmity of those who oppress me, may I be delivered from the slander and malice of people; also free me from my flesh of vile customs.
    Shelter me under the shadow of Your mercy, so that I may find peace and joy and cleansing from sins. I entrust myself to your Maternal intercession: be my Mother and Hope, Cover and Help and Intercession, joy and consolation and a quick Helper in everything.
    O wonderful mistress! Anyone who resorts to You does not leave without Your all-powerful help: therefore, I, unworthy, resort to You, so that I may be delivered from unexpected and fierce death, gnashing of teeth and eternal torment. I will be able to receive the Kingdom of Heaven and I say to You in the tenderness of my heart: Rejoice, Mother of God, our zealous Intercessor and Intercessor, forever and ever. Amen.

    The prayer before the hiccups of the Mother of Mater “Smolensk” (“Odigitriy”)

    Audio:

    1:36

    oh, the tsar of the Virgins, the non -blessed tsar. Mary! Hear now, sinful and inaccurate, in the case of a feasible icing of thy icing, and the little one is instantly verbal: I was from the row of the lord, the oligature of the blessing : you can, O our gracious Mother, not only save Your people from all evil, but also provide and save with all good deeds: is it possible for You to be another representative in troubles and circumstances and a warm intercessor for us sinners to Your Son, Christ our God Imamama: he also begged, the lord, to save and the queen of the unsuccessful to be able to, and the Savior of the Toboy, we will glorify in the raging branch, which is more likely to be a wine and exalted, and the greatness of the diligent and the saint forever and ever. Amen.

    Translation: Oh, wonderful and superior to all creations, the Queen of the Theotokos, the heavenly King of Christ our God, Mother, Holy Guide Mary! Hear us, sinners and unworthy, at this hour before Your most pure image, falling down, and with tenderness saying: lead us from the ditch of passions, O good Guide, deliver us from all sorrow and sorrow, protect us from all misfortune and evil slander enemy: you can, O our gracious Mother, not only save your people from all evil, but also provide and save with all good deeds: besides you, there is no other intercessor in troubles and circumstances and a fervent intercessor for us sinners to your Son, Christ our God, we have no : Beseech Him, Mistress, to save us and grant the Kingdom of Heaven, and let those saved by Thee glorify Thee in the next age, as the culprit of our salvation, and exalt the all-holy and magnificent name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, in the Trinity of the glorious and worshiping God, centuries. Amen.

    Prayer to the hiccup of the Mother of God “The Protection of the Blessed Virgin Mary” 7

    Audio:

    3:03

    oh, Mati of the Grace of the Tsars. ! The bibliochery-and-bloomed web of this, the inaccurate workers, and ascended the prayer to the throne of the god of Thy Seminom, may he be worried about the wrongfulness of his honor and the believer and the believer and the believer and the believer and the believer and the believer and the believer and the faithful we must not be worthy of His mercy to be, otherwise You will not propitiate Him for us, Mistress, as all of You is possible from Him. For this sake, we resort to You, as if to our undoubted and soon Intercessor: hear us praying to You, fall us with Your all-powerful protection and ask God Your Son: jealousy and vigilance for our shepherds for souls; the governor of wisdom and strength; judges righteousness and impartiality; mind and humility as a mentor; spouses love and harmony; child obedience; offended patience; offending the fear of God; grieving complacency; temperance to those who rejoice, and to all of us - the spirit of reason and piety, the spirit of mercy and meekness, the spirit of purity and truth. Hey, Holy Lady! Have mercy on Thy weak people: gather the scattered ones, guide those who have gone astray on the right path, support old age, chaste young ones, raise up babies and look after all of us with the contempt of Thy merciful intercession; lift us up from the depths of sin and enlighten our eyes of the heart to the sight of salvation; be merciful to us here and there, in the land of the earthly advent, and at the Last Judgment of Your Son; reposed in faith and repentance from this life, fathers and our brothers in eternal life from the Angels and with all the saints make life. Thou art, Mistress, the Glory of heaven and the Hope of the earth, You, according to God, are our Hope and Intercessor of all who flow to You in faith. We pray to You, and to You, as the Almighty Helper, to ourselves, and to each other, and we betray our whole life, now and forever, and forever and ever. Amen.

    Translation: O Blessed Virgin, Mother of the Lord of the Highest Forces, Queen of Heaven and earth, city and earth of our Almighty Intercessor! Accept this song of praise and thanksgiving from us, Thy unworthy servants, and lift up our prayers to the Throne of God Thy Son, may He be merciful to our unrighteousness, and prolong Thy grace to those who honor Thy all-honorable name and with faith and love worship the miraculous image of Thy; Are we worthy of mercy from Him, won’t You propitiate Him for us, Mistress, because everything is possible for You from Him? Therefore, we resort to You, as if to our undoubted and quick Intercessor: hear us praying to You, overshadow us with Your all-powerful cover and ask God Your Son: our shepherds jealousy and vigil for souls; city ​​rulers wisdom and strength; justice and impartiality to the judges; mentors reason and humility; spouses love and harmony; obedience to children; offended patience; offending the fear of God; grieving complacency; rejoicing abstinence; to all of us - the spirit of reason and piety, the spirit of mercy and meekness, the spirit of purity and truth. O Holy Lady! Be merciful to your weak people: gather the scattered, guide the erring on the right path, support old age, enlighten the youth, raise babies and be merciful to all of us with the contempt of Your merciful intercession; lift us up from the depths of sins and enlighten our heart eyes to see salvation; be merciful to us here and there, in the present life and at the terrible Judgment of Your Son; make sure that our fathers and brothers who died in faith and repentance live together in eternal life with the angels and with all the saints. Because You, Madam, are the Glory of Heaven and the Hope of the earthly, You, according to God, are our Hope and Intercessor of all those who resort to You in faith. We pray to You, and to You, as to the Almighty Helper, ourselves, and each other, and we commit our whole life, now and always and forever and ever. Amen.

    1 Akathist to the Holy Martyrs Gury, Samon and Aviv.

    2 Menaion. August 26th.

    3 Akathist to the Holy Blessed Prince Peter and Princess Fevronia of Murom.

    4 Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos in front of the icon “Guest of sinners”.

    5 Rev. Alexander of Svir. Prayers.

    6 Archpriest John Bukharev. Our hearts are a consolation. 320 miraculous icons of the Most Holy Theotokos.

    7 Saint Demetrius of Rostov. Psalter of the Mother of God.

    See also: Tribulation, Adultery, Family life. On the tests in our life

    , confidence is devoted / welfare

    " ¡The world covered me!

    He was an ideal husband "

    Emptiness, desperation, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment, disappointment. ... it's a mixture of mixed feelings that come when a couple's infidelity is discovered. The intensity of the pain is usually related to the time of coexistence and the duration of the betrayal.This does not mean that it hurts less who is just starting to live and discovers a parallel relationship. no, but who has years with a man who was unfaithful realizes that his life translated at that time was destroyed.

    Who devoted years of his life as a couple, and devoted himself to his children, ceased to live. Women born between the ages of 60 and 70 were educated for sacrifice to set aside dreams and goals of personal development; although for others, their development was the same role as that of a wife and mother.

    Who has devoted the best years of his life to relationships before infidelity experiences a break in support of his immediate and future life. When the spouse leaves, the wound opens and the process of mourning remains unknown . Overcoming betrayal will depend on social, family and personal resources. The desire to call an ex-couple and ask them to come back and at the same time feel the desire to discuss it is natural; it is a human reaction.

    Trust was betrayed

    Some couples, upon discovering infidelity, choose to stay with their spouse without understanding or acknowledging the damage done to the relationship and to their spouse. Pretending that everything will be decided with ephemeral talk is a sign of selfish and short-sighted vision. It is located only from your point of view. Trust is not restored by saying "I'm sorry."

    Living a lie means maintaining a double life. In which many times it was decided to create fruitless discussions, only to justify himself in order to go to a meeting with his mistress.

    ¿Is it possible to restore relationships after infidelity? It's difficult, but not impossible. The first important step is to acknowledge the damage that has happened in the relationship.

    What factors contributed to or encouraged this betrayal? However, it should be noted that many infidelities do not have extenuating causes. A deceitful couple always has the option to end the relationship. Divorce, not betrayal.

    Who betrays, deceives three people: himself, because it is impossible to have intimacy with this or that, for months and years, without feeling something; spouse or civil partner; and another person. Usually, if a person accepts a relationship with another person knowing that he has a long-term relationship with another, it is because he hopes that other relationship will disappear..

    People are not automatons. It is impossible to share feelings, sharing intimacy, again and again, for so long.

    It is an absurd position that an unfaithful person pretends that his spouse does not express his mixed feelings and pretends that “clean and new account” means not mentioning the subject. On the contrary, we must understand why this happened. There are no excuses.

    Trust is restored by facts, not words. Forgiveness is active, not passive. It's not flowers or candy that will heal a wound. This is not a week or a month, a healing time.

    Stages of life and infidelity of a couple

    In my professional presentation, I have seen Many people, in spite of themselves, admit that they love their partner, but no longer love him. They temporarily hide and silence their discomfort, entering into a crisis that will inevitably manifest itself.

    As the relationship develops over time, the couple's feelings are affected. The courtship principle is a stage of illusion in which a person is idealized who fits into an ideal shaped according to the needs of everyone. Coexistence opens the door to routine, duties and reproduction reduces the time devoted to complicity in a couple. Reducing more and more temptation and mystery in the other.

    The arrival of the first child implies a separation of feelings. ¡We are no longer 2! ... Attention, care and insomnia are shared with a beginner. At this stage, many men feel displaced because they do not actively participate in the first months of their child's life..

    Sexual pleasure decreases. A quiet disappointment appears.

    They talk but don't tell. He ceases to live for himself and for others. Common spaces are lost. Many mothers monopolize the presence of their child, instead of sharing the responsibility and pleasure of the son with both. Here many leave their appearance and lay aside their husband. It is no coincidence that this is the stage at which there is a higher percentage of adultery.

    The person, without expressing his displeasure, takes refuge either in a drink or with his friends. Invisible zeal manifests itself. Frustration grows along with indifference. While the mother lives her life as an extension of her son.

    Years later, when children enter adolescence or leave home. The members of the couple remain at the beginning, alone. Many people are afraid of being alone with their partner. Why? Because he became a stranger.

    ¿Is it surprising that they don't feel the same now? ¿Let your love be different?

    Life changes, it is dynamic, and what we feel today will not be the same tomorrow. The stage of idealization of courtship was left behind. This is no longer fantasy. It is not enough to expect the preservation of this stage.

    Love also matures, this is what allows us to overcome various crises or ups and downs in a couple, and then in a family. Passion is replaced by calmness, stability, calm love ¿But why don't I feel alive? - Well, what have you done to maintain seduction and complicity in a couple?

    In this context, many women are silent about their sexual dissatisfaction. There is a myth that a woman should satisfy, not enjoy, sexuality. Give, but don't ask. ¿How can your partner know what you like if you don't express it??

    This is one of the factors that affects female infidelity.

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