Stages of divorce for women

7 Stages of Divorce | Amity Mediation Workshop, LLC

by Jamie C. Williamson, PhD

Divorcing couples do move through predictable and understandable stages of divorce, each associated with different practical concerns, emotions, and typical behavior patterns.

But, divorce initiation often begins with a seemingly calm, barely detectable phase. You have to pay close attention or it will catch you by surprise.

Most explanations of the phases of divorce ignore this all important first phase experienced by the person initiating the divorce. Instead, the typical list of divorce phases focuses on the emotional phases experienced by the person responding to their spouse’s request for a divorce.

A common explanation of the stages of divorce characterizes the divorce as the “death” of the relationship and draws on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s well known writing about the Stages of Grief to explain that people typically go through 5 stages of loss and recovery as a result of the divorce: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

You’ve likely read these models before. And, because they can be useful when helping individuals understand their reactions to the divorce, I created and use one of these grief models, too.

My explanation of the phases of divorce includes the following 7 Stages of Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce. (Notice this model focuses on the final outcome (recovery) not the initial feeling (grief).

Depicting the life-rebuilding process in linear stages can help people know what to expect to experience when they go through a divorce and it can help people understand their own and their partner’s feelings and behavior. These stage models help people realize that they are experiencing a normal response to a major life-changing event.

Do people go through the stages sequentially?

Not typically. Individuals generally move through all of the Stages of Rebuilding After Divorce over time; but, during this challenging time of transition individuals often move in, out, and around the stages as they work toward the process of acceptance and rebuilding their lives. If individuals get “stuck” in one of the stages, they can seek help from a therapist or family mediator in order to move beyond that stage.

Do spouses experiences the stages at the same time?

Not often. Usually the initiating spouse is ready to divorce and the responding spouse is reluctant to give up on the marriage. Some are unwilling to divorce unless forced to do so.

The responding spouse often perceives the initiating spouse as indifferent or unfeeling, with comments as “you don’t seem so sad….you don’t seem to care at all”. And, in some cases that could be accurate.

More often, however, the initiating spouse has actually cautiously contemplated divorce for some time and, as such, worked through most of the initial emotional stages of divorce BEFORE overtly introducing the topic of divorce to the responding spouse. This happens in the relatively calm, Contemplative Phase of divorce that often goes unnoticed by the responding spouse. Yet, it also often leads to divorce initiation and engenders the emotional stages of divorce and rebuilding.

The Calm, Undetectable Contemplative Phase of Divorce

When basically well-adjusted people begin to think about divorce, they typically experience a great deal of cognitive dissonance associated with balancing their personal needs and desires with their competing desire to uphold their commitment to their spouse, their marriage, and for some, their children, as well.

So, they do a lot of thinking. They have moved beyond denial and experienced anger and sadness. They assess what they appreciate and dislike about their marriage, their spouse, and how their spouse treats them. They consider whether or not they would be justified in ending the marriage. They consider how life would actually be better (or worse) if they were divorced.

Paradoxically, when people truly begin to contemplate divorce, they often are on their best behavior. They haven’t decided what they want and realize that in the end, they could decide they truly want to stay married. So, they don’t want to initiate conflict or degrade the marriage relationship, and they don’t want to send the signal that they are contemplating divorce, in case they change their mind.

When an individual moves out of the Contemplative Phase of Divorce and actually introduces divorce as a topic of conversation, the responding spouse is often, understandably shocked. After all, the initiating spouse seemed happy, they weren’t having much conflict, and their day-to-day routine was running smoothly. The initiating spouses did a good job covering up while contemplating divorce. But, this left the responding spouse with little reason to suspect that divorce was on the horizon. In addition, the initiating spouse seems unfeeling or indifferent to the responding spouse because the initiating spouse has already worked through anger and sadness to determine, although reluctantly, that divorce is inevitable, perhaps even desirable under the circumstances.

Transformative divorce mediation can help the responding spouse understand the Contemplative Phase, reflect back on the initiating spouse’s behavior, and retrospectively recognize when their spouse moved through the initial emotional stages of divorce. That realization makes it easier for the responding spouse to work cooperatively with the initiating spouse through the acceptance and rebuilding phase of life after divorce.

If you and your spouse are struggling with the emotional Stages of Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce, share this post and try to work it out. You may want to consider transformative, divorce mediation that will help you remain amicable while you work through your issues and reach agreement on how you will build a stable, but separate future for yourselves.

If you think your spouse might be in the Contemplative Phase of Divorce, share this post as a way to initiate a conversation about whether or not you are both happy in your marriage. You might be surprised how often, with an early intervention, couples can work it out.

Either way, let me know if I can help.

You’ll find me at Amity Mediation Workshop, where we provide the “Lets Stay Together” Marriage Refresher Course for couples who want to try to make their marriage work again and Divorce Mediation for couples who have decided to divorce, but want to do so amicably.

What are the Five Stages of Divorce?

What are the emotional stages of divorce? Will the pain of divorce ever go away? Stages of separation and divorce recovery. Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally disruptive events in your life. What can you expect once you decide to get one? How can you make it easier on yourself?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oOVqsY3tgnAVideo can’t be loaded because JavaScript is disabled: What Are the Five Stages of Divorce? (https://youtube. com/watch?v=oOVqsY3tgnA)

Video transcript.

There are two processes in divorce.

The legal process and the emotional process. It’s tough to say which is more challenging. The emotional process can be broken down into 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. D-A-B-D-A. Those 5 stages represent grief over the loss of a relationship and marriage.
Prepare yourself mentally for a parade of emotions that can change day-to-day or hour-to-hour. Coping with the emotional ups-and-downs of divorce can be tough.

Be willing to seek help from an experienced, qualified mental health professional. The process of counseling takes time, but that’s ok. We’ve seen how clients benefit from counseling in the smart decisions they make.

There is no specific sequence to these emotional stages. It’s not a checklist. There’s no crossing off Stage-1 before starting Stage-2. The grieving process could begin before or after the divorce. And last long after.

Some people may feel numb. Others feel raw — everything hurts. Your emotions are uniquely yours. It’s personal. And so is the healing process.
Time will be your greatest friend. Give yourself time to grieve. Things will get better.

Denial.

Denial is the first stage of divorce.

Being in denial doesn’t mean you refuse to accept the truth. Denial comes from being incapable of processing what’s happening. There’s just too much to take in at once. It’s natural to try and avoid conflict. But there may be very real problems that aren’t going away. Does this sound familiar?

She’ll get over it, she always does.” Or “He didn’t mean that. He’ll apologize and we’ll be fine.” With denial, there may be confusion or fear. Euphoria the nightmare is ending. Or shock because you didn’t see it coming. You may feel you have to make the marriage work no matter how unhappy you are now. You may cry, have headaches, be stressed-out. Everyone grieves differently, with different intensities.

Anger.

Anger is the second stage of divorce.

Anger stems from being lied to, betrayed, rejected, deceived, misunderstood, or abandoned. It comes from being pushed into a bad place by someone you trusted.

You may be angry with yourself. Or irritated, frustrated, and anxietous over what’s happening in the divorce.

You may find yourself worried, impatient, argumentative, complaining. You might drink too much, exercise too much, eat too much, or binge-watch tv.
You may think you’re being punished. Your faith may be shaken.

“Why are you doing this to me? Why Why Why?” Recognize that anger is passion. It can make people behave in ways that don’t reflect who they really are.

Bargaining.

Bargaining is the third stage of divorce.

Bargaining is the “What if” stage. “What if I’d done more?” This is the struggle to find answers. To draw meaning from what’s happening. It’s an attempt to eliminate doubt, rehash how you got here, and negotiate a different outcome.

Some feel guilty for not making the marriage work. Others make desperate promises like “I swear I’ll never cheat again.” Parents bargain to stay married for the sake of the children, disregarding a toxic home environment. Some negotiate with themselves, with their spouse, with God. “I’ll stop drinking if you just bring her back to me.” This may be a time for reaching out to others to tell your story.

Depression.

Depression is the fourth stage of divorce.

Depression comes from sadness, grief, and loneliness. Most people will experience some level of depression. You may question the purpose of life and feel detached from society. You may feel guilt about hurting the kids and others you love. You may be fatigued, lose your appetite, and have difficulty sleeping. You may feel overwhelmed, helpless, and hopeless.

Depression can feel like emptiness, too. It can paralyze. You go through the motions, but nothing is real. Sometimes people get stuck in depression. They can’t shake it off. Don’t let this go on too long. Reach out for help. Talk to a mental health professional about how you’re feeling.

Acceptance.

Acceptance is the fifth stage of divorce.

This is where you want to be. Acceptance arrives in bits and pieces. Eventually, you become a whole person again. You know you’re going to be ok.

You come to terms with the divorce and find clarity. You have more good days than bad. You want to spend time with your friends. And make new friends. You start feeling optimistic about making plans and exploring options. It’s about job opportunities, finding a new place to live, and envisioning a new life. You accept that your life will move forward without your former partner.

Understanding the 5 stages of divorce, preparing for them, can really help you get through this emotionally tumultuous period.

In our experience, divorcing spouses will find themselves in each stage, at least for a time. Some people experience two or more stages simultaneously. The exact order isn’t nearly as important as your unique perspective.

Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself physically with hydration and moderate exercise. Pay attention to what you’re eating. Choose healthy foods. Avoid sugar and alcohol. Get help when you need it. Talk it out.

You will get through this.

Reference, Resources and More:

Divorce Laws & Filing in Tennessee Answers to FAQs
The Tennessee Divorce Process: How Divorces Work Start to Finish
What can you NOT do during a divorce?
What are the first signs of divorce?
Is Tennessee a 50 50 divorce state?

Divorce - a life catastrophe or a new beginning?

How relations develop between former spouses after a divorce depends not so much on the presence or absence of children, but on the general level of culture, the degree of emotional and psychological maturity of people. The presence of children in a divorce situation often adds only one more side that suffers the most.

Any relationship can develop: from irreconcilable long-term hostility to sincere friendship with new families (including all intermediate stages). nine0003

Natural reaction to divorce, restoration of emotional balance, organization of a new way of life, adaptation to new social roles lasts 12-14 months, as in any other severe stress. If the adaptation period is delayed, the help of a specialist is desirable.

The stages of experiencing a divorce are in many ways similar to experiencing an irreparable loss:

Stage of shock. It can proceed in different ways: tears, stupor, sobs, confusion, any other emotional reactions. The main thing is that a person is not able to realize what happened and act meaningfully. It can last from several hours to several days. nine0012
Stage of anger. This is a period of mutual accusations, scandals, the desire to return what was lost. Duration from a couple of weeks to several months.
Stage of self-accusation. Aggression is directed at oneself, self-esteem decreases, according to the principle “the husband does not leave a good wife” or vice versa “the wife does not walk away from a good husband”. Hypothetical variants of the past are calculated: "If I had behaved differently, then this would not have happened." This is the period of occurrence of somatic diseases: exacerbation of ulcers, hypertension, vegetative-vascular dystonia, neurological disorders. There is a high probability of developing depression, behavioral disorders (spree, hard drinking, etc.). This period, like the previous one, can stretch for months. It is possible to alternate these stages. Such an emotional swing, when it throws from one extreme to another, from accusations to self-flagellation. nine0012
Reorganization of life. Finding new interests and goals. Adaptation to a new social role.

The peculiarity of experiencing a divorce is that a person often loses, together with his ex-spouse, some part of his usual environment, friends, relatives. The social circle, habitual rituals (holidays, vacations), social status are changing. This makes adaptation difficult. Also, during a divorce, both parties, both the “guilty” and the “victim”, have a lower self-esteem, which leads to a new set of problems, both personal and interpersonal. nine0003

It is best not to “smooth out” grievances and mutual claims, but to openly and most importantly calmly speak them out, express and listen to the other side. Ideally, when a couple on the verge of a divorce turns to a family therapist who can act as a buffer or mediator. After all, in the presence of a stranger, we behave more restrained, we better control the manifestations of emotions. In addition, a specialist can help express negative feelings in a socially acceptable way, without scandals and insults. nine0003

If there is no possibility or desire to involve specialists, then it is reasonable to sort things out face to face, without involving children, relatives and friends, without creating a coalition. Indeed, as time passes, these people will have to continue to communicate, and it will be a shame to remember what was said in a moment of anger. In a conversation with a spouse, it is advisable to talk about YOUR experiences, feelings and thoughts, and not act as an accuser. Those. speech should begin with the pronoun "I", not "YOU". It is important to always remember that in building and destroying relationships there is not only the right and only the guilty side. Everyone has contributed. And, of course, one should not allow mutual insults and humiliation, stoop to revenge. You still have to meet in life, communicate. After all, there are children, mutual acquaintances, friends, business partners. nine0003

The main thing is to always remain human and remember that life “…does not end tomorrow…”.

In the event of a final decision to divorce, it will be possible to “let go” of the former spouse only when the relationship is really over on an emotional level. When there are no unresolved issues, resentments, "stuck", repressed feelings. Therefore, it is imperative to learn how to process negative emotions in a socially acceptable way. Someone splashes out in sports, in competition, someone draws, writes a novel or songs, someone speaks out with a specialist, close friend, mother. (A specialist is preferable, because he takes a neutral position, does not add fuel to the fire and can suggest ways to express emotions). It is also very important to understand that your feelings (i.e. how you reacted to the situation) are YOUR feelings, and you are responsible for them and their consequences. The most common human error is the phrase: "He (she) ruined my life ...". It's really, "I allowed my life to be ruined." We ourselves are responsible for everything that happens to us, for who we let into our lives, for our reactions. nine0003

Restoration of relations is possible at any stages and terms of divorce. There are cases when people, having lived apart for a couple of months, understand that love is stronger than troubles, that they cannot live without each other. Often this happens when a baby appears in the family. Young parents who have not yet mastered the roles of husband and wife have to immediately reorganize, the psychological perception of each other is changing. The couple are leaving. However, when they are far from each other, they understand the true value of their relationship. And sometimes it happens after many years, after another failed marriage or long loneliness. nine0003

The possibility of restoring relationships depends on how civilized people parted ways. Only the spouses themselves can determine whether the restoration of the marriage is necessary, and what they will be guided by is their business. The only thing you should not do is to sacrifice yourself “for the sake of children” or material gain. Perhaps, formally, marriage will take place, but there will be a lot of unsatisfied emotional, sexual, communicative and other needs. Yes, and the heaviest burden of obligations, obligations and hidden guilt is placed on children, which does not benefit them

It is probably impossible to enumerate all the mistakes made during a divorce, each couple has their own. There are several basic, basic erroneous beliefs, so to speak, that drag a huge tail behind them. These are:

Laying responsibility for everything that happens and for your emotional state only on the opposite side. Notorious: "HE ruined my life,".
Stuck unprocessed, unexpressed negative feelings. Hence the long-term experience of a divorce situation, the desire to take revenge on a former partner, etc. nine0012
Involving children, manipulating them to influence or punish the other party.
Unresolved domestic, legal, financial issues. They tend to snowball. Therefore, you should not save on professional assistants - lawyers, psychologists, social workers.

The most basic recommendation for everyone, not necessarily divorced: it is useful and necessary for each family member to have some kind of life, their own personal space, hobbies, circle of friends that are not related to other family members. That is, not to close oneself only in the family world, completely dissolving in a partner, relatives and children. Firstly, your life will become more interesting, and secondly, it is some kind of insurance against the complete collapse of life in the event of a change in circumstances. nine0003

What can be wished to those who are parting:

First of all, to remain human, not to lose self-respect, descending to insults, revenge, aggression.
Protect children as much as possible. The child must remain confident that he has both mom and dad, and they both love him and take care of him, even if they live apart.
Look ahead, plan and build the future without focusing on the situation of divorce, mutual grievances and self-blame. Learn to discharge negative feelings in an acceptable way and do it. nine0012
Avoid involving family, friends and colleagues in your divorce process. Your personal life is your personal life, not a reality show.
Resolve emerging legal, financial and other practical issues as quickly and completely as possible.

How to survive a divorce? Psychologist's advice

During the coronavirus pandemic, amid general instability and the need to spend a lot of time together, a couple may decide to divorce. We figure out how to help ourselves in this case. nine0003

Svetlana Makhova, family psychotherapist, specialist
service for the selection of psychologists Alter

Advertising on RBC www.adv.rbc.ru

Divorce is inevitably associated with difficult experiences - it is always pain, disappointment, collapse of hopes, loss of a sense of stability and security, both for the one who initiated it, and for the one who will have to go through this path not of their own free will. There is no way to completely avoid heavy emotions. In any case, it will take enough time for the wounds of mutual grievances to heal. nine0003

What you need to understand about divorce, first of all

The husband and wife have been married for some time - a year, five years, ten, twenty. Over the years of living together, each invested strength, material wealth, and time in marriage. Husband and wife develop their own traditions and common habits appear: have breakfast together, go to the dacha on weekends in the summer or go on vacation to the sea, celebrate the New Year with their parents, meet mutual friends, and so on.

Habits create in our life a sense of stability, predictability, serve as a support for us, fill us with confidence in the future. What has become habitual gives us the opportunity to plan our lives - to look a little into the future. Standing on the threshold of life together, people made a promise to be together in sorrow and in joy, until death do them part. At that moment it seemed that it was forever and nothing else. None of them thought that one day the bonds of marriage would be broken and they would meet with the collapse of their hopes, expectations placed on each other, plans for life. nine0003

The news of a divorce is almost always unexpected. Even if the relationship of the spouses has long passed into the category of "once upon a time there were two neighbors." Even if one of them knew about the betrayals of the other, but was silent in the hope that everything would work out. Even if the spouses often swore, slammed the doors and promised to get a divorce, and after a couple of days they reconciled again or pretended that nothing had happened.

Divorce is a loss. The loss of not only a significant person in life, but also much of what has become familiar, and in some ways - expensive and even irreplaceable. One fine day, everything that created internal stability and nourished hope for tomorrow turned out to be inaccessible. That very expected tomorrow has ceased to exist, as if the future has been taken away from you. "How will I continue to live?" - such a question is more often faced by a partner who has been confronted with the fact of a divorce. The spouse who initiated the breakup comes to this question a little earlier. But the collapse of the future overtakes both. nine0003

A still from the movie Wild Life

Divorce is a trauma. For some, it turns into a loss of the ability to enter into a new relationship, since trust in marriage as such has been undermined. In the case of a divorce, a person goes through the same psychological stages as with any severe loss: mourning, denial, anger, bargaining or negotiations, depression, acceptance or adaptation - and both partners go through them: both the initiator and the other side.

The initiator of a divorce, as a rule, goes through the first stage even before talking about it. His spouse enters the first stage at the time of the announcement of the decision to divorce. It is precisely because partners are often at different stages of coping with loss that during the divorce process it can be so difficult for them to understand and hear each other, to agree on anything. This is important to understand and take into account. nine0003

There is no difference between how men and women experience loss. There are very emotional men and very reserved women. Both those and others during this period may try to drown out their grief with alcohol, frequent sexual relations, their behavior may be aggressive or seem inadequate.

Stages of Divorce Living

1. Denial

Spouses at this stage often try to pretend that nothing is happening and continue to communicate as before. At this stage, it is important not to avoid your experiences. They help us soberly assess what is happening. If there is a person in your environment whom you trust (friend, parents), talk to him, tell him about what happened. In a supportive environment, give vent to your feelings, tears. nine0003

At the stage of denial, questions naturally arise: “How could this happen to me?”, “Can I find a person who loves me?”, “Maybe it still forms? Maybe he/she will come back and change his mind?

A person experiences shock, loses support, does not understand what to do and how to live on. He is tormented by pain and fear of separation, loneliness, uncertainty in any future relationship.

2. Anger

Time passes, nothing changes, the spouse does not leave his intention to divorce. Sadness and despair turn into resentment and bitterness: “For what? What did I do / did not do it right? Why did it happen"? Hatred rises towards the initiator of the break: “You left me!” The question "For what?" comes to everyone - it is important at this stage not to get involved in the search for an answer. No answer. A huge number of factors led to what happened. There is no one to blame for what happened - but there is a contribution of everyone, often unconscious. nine0003

3. Bargaining

At this stage, there is a desire to return the spouse by any means, to restore relations. A wife can fall in love again with her husband who initiated the divorce, suddenly seeing in his behavior a real masculine act and the ability to make decisions. A husband can recall with emotion the hobbies of his wife that irritated him in marriage, and is even ready to support them, if only she would return.

A shot from the film "Revolutionary Road"

The abandoned partner decides to change dramatically, for example, lose weight, stop drinking. During this period, a person is ready to negotiate even with God, even with the devil, turn to psychics, fortune-tellers, astrologers - just to get advice on how to return a spouse. However, before you go to a fortune teller, answer yourself the question - did you feel so good? Why did you decide that upon returning the spouse will become a different person? nine0003

“What if I still love him?” - you ask. Think about it, is it possible to force a person to love you by force just because you love him? Rather, this idea comes from the parent-child relationship: "Mom loves you, and you? .." Does it follow from the fact that if someone loves you, you must love him a priori? The world is unfair, and it is very painful to realize that your beloved or beloved does not have mutual feelings for you. But the fact remains that we cannot keep a person around against their will. nine0003

4. Depression

When it comes to understanding that everything is in vain, deep disappointment sets in. A feeling of loss covers, sadness appears, a breakdown is felt. At this stage, a person mourns the loss of everything that was dear, that which was hoped for and that did not happen.

Depression is the absence of an impulse to act: if something is not available to me, I don’t want anything! Yes, something is not available, as before, but this does not mean that it is impossible in a new way. Make a list of things you feel sad about, things that weren't available with the divorce, or things that didn't materialize in the old relationship. And look at this list from the other side - now these are your desires and values, based on which you can continue to build your life, start other relationships. Highlighting the important and valuable helps to set new goals. nine0003

5. Acceptance

As if waking up from a dream, a person begins to see and share the facts. At this stage, there comes an awareness of one's own contribution to what happened, and the value of all the good things that were experienced and received in marriage, as well as an understanding of needs and opportunities. The desire to live and move on comes, new meanings and goals appear.

The task that stands in this difficult period is to go through all the stages without dwelling on any of them for a long time. On average, this can last from one to three years, or even longer. Be attentive and careful to yourself, ask yourself: “Where am I now? At what stage? How long have I been there?" nine0003

If you find yourself unable to get out of difficult experiences on your own, seek the help of a psychotherapist.

How to survive a divorce if you have children or your wife is pregnant?

When a couple has children, both husband and wife can initiate a divorce. If the reasons for the dissolution of a marriage on the part of a woman were the partner’s infidelity, financial instability or lack of income for the spouse, his addictive behavior, domestic violence, and even if the decision was made by the mother out of fear for life and health (her own and children), then she suffers no less than if her husband left her. nine0003

In such situations, a woman still feels abandoned, with all the hardships of everyday, financial, parental problems, and the decision to divorce is very difficult. There is always hope that the husband will change - find a job, stop drinking, beat and humiliate, return to the family. One of the typical experiences that a woman may experience during this period is often associated with the belief that no one needs her with children - who will marry her with a child?

Still from the film "Fragments of a Woman"

If a woman is pregnant, what will she live on when the baby is born and she will not be able to work? Or if a woman did not work before the divorce, she took care of the house and children - what will she and the children live on? After all, it takes time to find a job. Sometimes, after a few years of caring for children, a woman loses her skills in her profession. The situation can be aggravated by the behavior of relatives: “If you get married, let your husband feed you!” What to do in such a situation?

Don't be led by those who think they have to do everything themselves. There is no point in being ashamed or blaming yourself for what happened (“Where did I look when I got married?”, “I gave birth myself - and carry this cross myself”). It is these beliefs that bring the most fear and anxiety. Even if after the breakup of the family, the children remain with their mother, she bears responsibility for their life on a par with her ex-husband, their father. nine0003

It is important to keep this in mind and, in the process of divorce, begin to negotiate the conditions for the maintenance of children, and if there are grounds and need for that, also for their mother. Seek help from a mediator, lawyers, psychologists - remember that there are always people who are ready to support you in this difficult period. As part of social projects, there are centers for psychological assistance, as well as various services that provide shelter for women with children who have been subjected to violence and are left homeless, helping a woman get a profession, find a job, and arrange children in a kindergarten or school. nine0003

Unfortunately, it happens that one parent sets the children against the other, does not allow the former spouse to meet with the child in order to take revenge, hurt or gain their own benefit, cope with their own grief. It is worth clearly separating your own needs and desires from the desires and needs of children, so as not to use them as a weapon of revenge or obtaining any benefits that are not legally related to children.

Remember that after a divorce, spouses cease to be husband and wife, but for children they remain mom and dad - divorce does not annul this fact in any way. Children love each parent and need both of them. This will help minimize the negative impact of divorce on the psyche of the child. nine0003

Infidelity and divorce

The reason for the divorce is that the spouses cannot get along with each other. A lot of conflicts, quarrels and disagreements alienated them from each other. Cheating, as a rule, is a consequence of the fact that the spouses cannot satisfy all their needs in marriage and decide to compensate for them on the side. At the same time, betrayal can become a strong argument and provoke a decision to divorce.

One of the most painful experiences during betrayal is the feeling of being abandoned, abandoned and, as a result, flawed. Another is the experience of betrayal. The intolerance of a false sense of inferiority can provoke an unreasonable desire to return a spouse. nine0003

A shot from the movie "The Squid and the Whale"

The experience of betrayal prompts the decision to divorce. To divorce or not to divorce in case of infidelity? What if the husband or wife left for another partner? This question can be answered only by understanding the reasons that led to the betrayal, and in their own feelings for each other. It is impossible to embrace all the experiences that arise in the spouses in the process of divorce.

It is important to know that whatever feelings arise, they all take place, and it is also important to give yourself the opportunity to experience them so as not to linger in them. In order to move into the future, it is important to let go of the past. nine0003

What books will help you get over a divorce

K. Whitaker. "Family in Crisis"

If a person has psychological difficulties, it is worth, first of all, turning to his family history - it is likely that it is there that both the root of the problem and its solution will be found, Carl Whitaker, an American psychiatrist of the middle XX century. Using the example of working with one family, the author introduces us to the basics of the method of therapy developed by him and analyzes the psychological mechanisms of interaction between relatives. This book, written by one of the founders of family therapy, has been a bestseller for more than a quarter of a century. nine0003

A. Kurpatov. “7 real stories. How to Survive a Divorce»

Using the real stories of seven women as an example, a well-known psychotherapist tells what happens to the psyche during a divorce and how you can help yourself overcome this test quickly and with possible benefit for yourself.

S. K. Nartova-Bochaver, M. I. Nesmeyanova, N. V. Malyarova, and E. A. Mukhortova. "A Child on a Divorce Carousel"

The authors, a psychologist, sociologist, philosopher and psychotherapist, have created a kind of guide to situations that arise in a family after a divorce, and paid special attention to communication between parents and a child. The book includes non-fiction material, real stories and practical advice to help you make decisions that are right for your family. nine0003

M. Travkova. "Infidelity. Why do loved ones cheat, is it worth forgiving, is it possible to avoid?

Why do people decide to cheat, while realizing that this can hurt another and destroy a marriage? From the book it becomes clear the role of both partners in the occurrence of such situations.

Learn more