Soul mate relationships
What Is a Soul-Mate Relationship?
You've finally met that special someone. It seems like they're your perfect match. They finish your sentences, understand you like no one else, and accept you for who you are. In other words, you just "get" each other.
At this point, you're likely wondering if you're embarking on a soul-mate relationship. It turns out there's no "right" way to define this fairy-tale concept; everyone seems to have their own thoughts about what a soul mate is, and whether such a thing even exists.
We've reached out to two relationship experts to get their take on exactly what a soul mate is, and how to tell if you've met yours.
What is a soul mate?
In the classic love story The Bridge Across Forever, author Richard Bach writes, "A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.
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While there's no official definition of a soul mate, most relationship experts tend to agree that a soul-mate relationship is one that begins with an immediate connection.
"A soul mate is someone who stirs your soul when you meet them, like a kindred spirit," says Nicole Moore, a celebrity love coach and relationship expert. "There is an intensely deep connection that seems to supersede linear time. When you meet this person, you feel like you've known each other before. It's intangible yet entirely clear at the same time."
Many people who believe strongly in soul mates also believe in the concept of reincarnation (that we have lived one or even many past lives). They believe soul mates have met or even been lovers before.
Are soul-mate relationships real?
Many relationship experts believe it's possible to be someone's true soul mate. "I personally believe in the concept of a soul mate because it's something I experienced when I met my husband," Moore says.
"We had such a strong connection and rapport from the start that it truly felt as if we had known each other for years. There was a sense of divine timing and being in the right place at the right time."
Other experts, like Jessica Small, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching, dislike the idea of soul mates or twin flames because it can lead people to wrongly believe that there's only one special person they're destined to be with—and that's a limiting belief.
"I don't believe in soul mates in the traditional sense that there is one person for everyone," she says. "I believe that there are many compatible partners out there for everyone, and that relationships require constant work and intentional effort. I believe that over time and with effort, couples are able to connect on a soul level and feel deeply and wholly known by their life partner."
How do you know if you've found your soul mate?
If you're experiencing this type of deep connection with your partner, you've undoubtedly got a good thing going.
Here are three ways to tell whether you might have a soul-mate connection with your partner.
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1. Intense feelings
All healthy relationships share some sort of deep connection. But in a soul-mate relationship, Moore says, "There's a deep, heartfelt and otherworldly connection that takes both of you by surprise. It feels destined that the two of you were meant to meet."
2. Transcendence of time and place
Maybe you felt "at home" immediately when you met your partner. Or perhaps you got the sense that you had met them before. These feelings can indicate that you're soul mates. After all, many soul mates believe they existed together in previous lives.
3. Immediate connection
"Intense feelings of connection, familiarity and rapport right upon meeting are a hallmark feature of a soul-mate relationship," Moore says. "You'll know you've found one when it feels like this person was absolutely meant to be someone you met in this life because their presence catalyzes and initiates awareness, change or growth in your life in some way.
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How can you enhance your soul-mate relationship?
If you think you've found your soul mate, you probably want to do everything you can to keep the spark alive. Our relationship experts share three tips you can use to ensure you and your partner continue to grow closer.
1. Remember: You'll still have challenges.
"You have to remember that your soul mate is also a human being with fears, triggers and emotions," Moore says. "At some point, it's likely that their inner muck is going to meet with your inner muck and cause issues."
Finding a soul mate, she says, does not preclude you from needing to work on things like communication and intimacy with your partner.
2. Solve issues as they arise.
"For couples in a soul-mate relationship who want to deepen their bond, I recommend practicing a 'clean as you go' policy in your relationship," Moore says. "Whenever fears, negative emotions or irritations come up, it's important to communicate and clear the negative energy in the moment rather than letting it pile up.
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3. Cultivate shared interests.
There's truth to the saying, "the couple that plays together stays together." That's because it's important to have fun together. Doing new and interesting things pushes the boundaries of your relationship, and allows you to see one another in a new light.
"To deepen the bond in a relationship, continue to find opportunities for new experiences that allow you to get to know one another even better," Small says.
Can best friends be soul mates?
A soul mate doesn't have to be a romantic partner—it can be a platonic friend, too.
"Similar to romantic relationships, there are people we connect with immediately in a way that feels unexplainable," Small says. "Sometimes, these end up being our soul-mate friendships. But similar to romantic soul mates, they require time and effort to continue to grow strong. We can have many soul-mate friendships if we're willing to be vulnerable and open to it."
Soul Connection: 12 Types Of Soul Mates & How To Recognize Them
A soul connection is when two people feel they are linked on a soul level in a significant or extraordinary way.
It's the sense that your link transcends the earth plane—transcending the practical details of your relationship, like being co-workers or lovers—and that something much more brought you together or is at play.
You might feel you have known each other in a past life or that your souls agreed before this life to meet up now.
"When I hear someone use the word 'soul mate,' it often seems to connote exclusivity," Tess Whitehurst, spiritual teacher and bestselling author, tells mbg. Whitehurst, who has been in a romantic relationship with the same partner for 20 years, feels that the opposite is true—we, in fact, have many soul mates. And as we're all part of a common humanity or spiritual consciousness, we're actually all linked on a soul level.
How do you recognize a soul mate? Let's look at different types of soul connections—remembering there can certainly be overlap. Someone could be your soul mate in many different ways.
Definition: Soul connection
A soul connection is when two people feel they are linked on a soul level in a significant or extraordinary way.
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1.
Soul partners
There are certain souls you agreed to partner with in this lifetime—the most common type of soul mate. You might have agreed to be best friends, in-laws, raise children together, or open a business together. A soul partnership could be with someone you know intimately for your whole life, like a beloved sibling, or it can be with someone you barely know for a short time—like an influential person in your industry who offers you a big break in your career.
Soul partners are specifically designed to help support you in this life emotionally, professionally, or in any other way you require to accomplish and experience what your soul planned to do here on earth.
None of us can do this life alone, and soul partnerships remind us how beautifully, masterfully, and intricately our lives are woven together.
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2.
Soul ties
When you feel a soul tie, it's simply the sense that another soul is in your life for a reason. For example, if your life is very busy yet you meet a new potential friend or potential business partner, the sense that you have a soul tie to this person could inspire you to make room in your life for the relationship.
Perhaps you're not in the market for a pet, but when a friend says they need to give up their pet because they have to move overseas unexpectedly, your clairsentient, or feeling, psychic pathway might give you the feeling that you have a soul tie with this animal and bringing it into your home is the right thing to do for both of you. You might think of soul ties as the ties that bind, like the Bruce Springsteen song!
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Past-life soul mates
Many Eastern religions and philosophies discuss the concept of past lives. I can always tell when a client has met someone they knew well in a past life by the way they describe the connection.
If the connection is manifesting as a romance, they might say, "I've never felt this way before!"
When two souls have shared a significant past life together (or perhaps several), if they meet again in this life they may be inexplicably drawn to each other—and the sexual chemistry can be off the charts.
What people are feeling is the built-up energy over other lifetimes together—and a soul recognition. Although you can have a soul recognition with any type of soul mate, the past-life ones (whether you were at odds or best friends in a past life) are extremely powerful. According to Brian Weiss, M.D., psychiatrist and past-life regression expert, two souls could agree to reincarnate and navigate toward each other after spending 1,000 earth years apart—which is quite romantic!
Yet just because you had a significant past life with someone and are feeling all the feelings, it doesn't necessarily mean you are supposed to partner, romantically or otherwise, in this lifetime.
Judge the relationship by who you both are today and how you treat each other now.
If you suspect a past-life connection with a current lover, try to bring more healing to the situation, even if you break up. This might look like releasing them with love, wishing them well yet out of your life. Often when souls come back together in this lifetime they are looking to heal something or do better this time around.
RELATED: The Science Of Past Life Memories, From A 20-Year Expert
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4.
Karmic soul mates
Karmic soul mates are sometimes called "wrecking ball soul mates." But instead of thinking of karma as good or bad—or a system of punishment and reward—think of it as merely a neutral energy of cause and effect.
The earth plane is very much a dimension of cause and effect. We create karma with other people all the time, through small and significant interactions.
Every interaction with another person creates energy that can turn into karma. This isn't anything to fear but something to be mindful of.
Karmic relationships may come into our lives as change agents who facilitate—through positive, negative, or neutral interactions—opportunities or invitations to improve our karma (how we operate in our lives and the world) so we can grow and evolve. Keep in mind that the soul craves new experiences, growth, and evolution.
5.
Romantic soul mates
After giving thousands of intuitive readings to clients all over the world, there are a few things I know for sure, as Oprah would say. One is that when we enter a significant romantic relationship or fall in love, there's a possibility we'll partner with this person.
What's not only possible but definite is that we are being given the opportunity to heal, learn, and grow because of the relationship. Even in the happiest or healthiest relationships, romantic soul mates can tend to tap dance on your biggest wounds or challenge you in uncomfortable ways.
When two souls enter a romantic relationship, they're also entering a classroom together.
I've had many clients who met their ideal partner and said, "I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to meet this person." It's always worth the wait! Find ways to fall in love with life, work on believing a great romantic relationship is possible for you, and get help to heal those romantic wounds from the past.
RELATED: 45 Small Ways To Be More Romantic In Your Relationships
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6.
Twin flames
This popular term describes an intense soul connection, and some people believe twin flames are actually one soul that was split into two bodies.
According to the theory, twin flames can love, challenge, teach, and heal each other in a unique, powerful way. Yet Whitehurst cautions against feeling like you need another person to complete you.
Just remember there can be a shadow side of trying to fit people into a certain category in your life, including a spiritual category.
While some believe the twin flame is the ultimate romantic experience, remember, every relationship you enter with another person—romantic or otherwise—has the potential to help you achieve more enlightenment.
RELATED: Soul Mate vs. Twin Flame: What's The Difference?
7.
Companion soul mates, aka soul mate friends
Not all soul mates are romantic ones. Your companion soul mates—aka soul mate friends—can be equally important in your life. If you think of earthly life as a temporary journey for the soul, as some spiritual people do, you'll want to have interesting, supportive companions for the trip—just like any character in an epic story or legend picks up companions along the way.
Think of them as spiritual sidekicks, people who seemed destined to be in your path so you both, in turn, can give each other love and encouragement when needed to keep going on your earthly odyssey.
Don't underestimate the importance of soul mate friends.
Whether they are in your life for the long haul or just a few months, soul companions are necessary nourishment. Just like the human body needs food and water, the soul requires companion soul mates.
RELATED: The 8 Types Of Friends You Need + 5 Types To Avoid
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Soul families and soul groups
Large groups of souls can be linked in soul families. This can show up as actual family members in this lifetime, like a cousin who is not only part of your earthly family but also your soul family, or as people working toward common goals who never meet, like activists around the globe working for a similar cause or spiritual seekers working to bring more love and awareness to the planet. Sometimes one soul will incarnate to try to help heal something in the family line, like a pattern of addiction, abuse, or disease.
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Kindred spirits
Kindred spirits aren't always soul mates, but they can certainly be.
Kindred spirits are simply people who really understand you. You might feel a kindred spirit is someone who shares the same spiritual beliefs you have or agrees with you about cultural issues to the point you could finish each other's sentences.
A kindred spirit might also be someone who has had a similar life experience to yours—like you are both elementary school teachers, both have newborn babies, and are both married to working artists. It's incredibly peaceful to be with another soul who just gets it, or you.
10.
Soul contracts
Intuitive and spiritual teacher Robert Ohotto describes soul contracts as agreements you made on a soul level to do certain things in this lifetime. You might have a soul contract to mentor a certain child or write a certain book. These contracts can be renegotiated, so if you're in a toxic situation, leave or change the dynamic to a healthier one. Yet feeling you have a soul contract to do something challenging, like start your own business, can give you the inspiration and stamina to make it through the difficult moments of that journey.
Knowing if you have a soul contract around something or someone in your life is all about learning to follow your intuition.
11.
Soul teachers
A healer or mentor can come into your life via divine timing because they're a soul mate teacher. It could be the college professor who encourages you to go after a certain major or career path or the counselor or naturopath who teaches you how to better manage your anxiety.
Sometimes a soul mate might show up to teach you by challenging you to do something different from what they recommend, teaching you the value of thinking for yourself. Soul mate teachers are very special, sacred relationships, and each of us has been in both roles—student and teacher—whether we realized it at the time or not.
12.
Soul crossings
Have you ever heard the cliché "ships that pass in the night"? It's a phrase used to describe someone who comes into your life but the timing and circumstances are not conducive to a long-term relationship.
This phenomenon can happen with friends or lovers or colleagues, when for a short amount of time you are thrown together and share amazing experiences and awakenings.
Even if someone doesn't stay in your life long—like a freelancer who works at your company for nine months whom you become close to until they move to the other side of the country or a lover you meet on a retreat and four months later they tragically pass—it's still a soul connection.
In the case of the friend, you two might always treasure your time together and the lessons you learned, but your lives are too busy to keep up the friendship in a significant way.
In the case of the lover who passed, you might think of this person fondly for the rest of your life or even consider them a spirit guide. Soul crossings teach us not to judge the importance or depth of a soul connection by the length of the relationship.
Are there kindred spirits? How do you know if this person is right for you?
Do you believe in the existence of kindred spirits? How to understand that you met the right person? Sadhguru debunks the concept of soul mates and tells how you can find the "right" life partner.
ArticleDec 7, 2021
Are there soul mates?
Sadhguru: The body needs a partner. Perhaps your mind needs a partner if it is underdeveloped. If your emotions have not become all-encompassing, they need a partner. But at least your soul must be free from this craving!
When people say "soul" they mean something beyond the physical. If there is something beyond the physical, does he need a mate? Finding a partner is all about finding someone to meet your needs. These may be physical, psychological, emotional or work needs. But the need for a partner arises only when there is some feeling of incompleteness. Whatever you call soul, at least it must be whole.
There is an idea that somewhere there is your soul mate, that God created another person especially for you. But these days it feels like he creates a new person for you every 2 years. It is obvious that God makes too many mistakes in creating a "soul mate" for you! There is no such thing.
The soul does not need a partner. Also, there is no perfect person for you.
If you consider yourself to be ideal, that God has chosen you and created another ideal person somewhere else, then you are heading towards disaster.
Soul mates and love
Why do people seek relationships? This may be for physiological reasons. We call it sexy and it can be quite beautiful. This may be for psychological reasons. We call it friendship, and it can also be beautiful. It may be for emotional reasons. We call it love, and according to fairy tales, this is the sweetest experience. Sure, physical compatibility, friendship, and love can make life great, but if you're honest with yourself, you can't deny the anxiety that comes with such an arrangement. It is more reasonable to see that relations exist only in limitations and certain conditions. The advantage of being realistic is that if you run into limitations tomorrow, you will find a mature way to deal with them. If you use terms like "soul mate" or claim that your relationship is "made in heaven," then disappointment is inevitable.
When you have too many romantic illusions, even if you are married to the most wonderful person, it is sure to lead to failure, because you cannot deceive yourself forever. If you want to live intelligently and joyfully, it is important to remember that marriage is by the will of man, not in heaven. Marriage can be a very enjoyable experience, as long as you know it's not over.
The success of such relationships will depend on the degree of maturity and sensitivity with which we approach them. I am not cynical about love. Love is one of the most beautiful qualities that a person is capable of. Some cultures suppressed love, while others tried to export it to heaven. But love comes from this planet, and it is deeply human. Why deny it?
Love doesn't need an object. Love is just a quality. If the person you love is not with you, you can still love him. If the people you love cease to exist, you still love them. This means that you use the people around you as a mere stimulus to express this innate quality.
If you bring enough awareness to your discriminating intelligence, you will see that love is the only way you can exist. Love is not something you make. Love is who you are. Love is just life striving towards itself. In essence, it is the desire to become all-encompassing and limitless.
Only when love becomes all-encompassing do you touch the infinite. It is then that you realize a simple truth: the soul does not need a mate. And never needed.
How do you know that you have chosen the right person?
In fact, certain karmic connections can attract people to each other. But this does not mean that it will be an ideal relationship. There is no “same” person on this planet. But if you put your heart into something, it can become wonderful. "Is this right?" There are no right things. If you think you've found the "right" person, you'll soon be disappointed. If you understand that you have your stupidities, and they have theirs, then by fitting one to the other, you will be able to maintain a relationship.
It is important to understand that relationships are formed to meet different needs. But when you go to a person with many needs, you are like a beggar, and a beggar cannot choose. If you really want to make a choice, then the most important thing is to make YOURSELF so that your experience of life is enjoyable in itself. In this case, if you are a truly wonderful person, everything will work out for the best. All the best things will happen to you in your career, marriage, and relationships, because you made yourself that way.
Instead of trying to fix the other person, work on yourself instead. Make yourself so wonderful that everyone wants to be with you. Then you will have a choice.
You won't find the perfect person. But if you show a deep sense of involvement, then something wonderful can happen. And it won't happen because the other person is beautiful. Even if you choose the last idiot, it doesn't matter. Your involvement will make this relationship the most wonderful.
You can choose the smartest person in the universe, but that can be disastrous. Don't think in terms of "made for each other". In fact, you are choosing the opposite. But after a while, you want them to be just like you. This is a serious mistake. If another person like you lived with you, how would you handle yourself? Be glad that other people are different from you. It is wonderful that there is no one else like you on this planet. Do not look for your likeness in another person.
Jul 27, 2021
article
Why is emotional security so important?
You don't have to be a family psychologist to have a healthy and long-lasting love relationship. Sadhguru talks about how emotions are a key aspect of well-being and compares American society to more traditional ones where love-based relationships are more common.
Jul 6, 2021
10 Signs You've Met Your Soulmate
March 23Relationships
Find out if there is someone really close to you next to you.
Spoiler: a soul mate is not necessarily a soul mate.
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1. It seems like you've known each other for ages
You've met recently, but it seems like you've known each other since birth. Some details of your lives are so similar that it looks like you grew up together. Views on important things are the same. And it gives a feeling of comfort and closeness.
2. You understand each other
More often than not, you understand what the person wants to say without clarifying questions. In most romantic or friendly relationships, the system of gestures and signs develops over the years, this is facilitated by close communication. But some come into our lives already prepared and correctly interpret what we want to convey. And it makes everything very easy, because you don't have to waste time explaining.
However, telepathy sessions should not be expected from anyone.
If you need something, let me know. So much better than waiting for accomplishments from a person, and then being offended that he did not understand you.
3. Differences do not quarrel, but develop you
Even twins, despite their outward similarities, are very different in character. What to expect from strangers, in fact, people. Naturally, you have polar opposite qualities. But it goes without saying that you are not using them as a reason for a quarrel. Differences in character and behavior allow you to learn from each other, making each of you better.
4. You empathize
“Together in sorrow and in joy” are not empty words, this formula works in both love and friendship. An empathic person can understand how a friend who is in trouble feels. And the pain of a truly loved one is experienced as one's own.
5. Joy brings you closer
If everything is clear with grief, then with joy the situation is usually not so clear.
Empathizing with someone is easy enough, but sharing moments of happiness is already more difficult. If you are sincerely capable of this and do not envy, do not turn each other's achievements into an element of competition, do not devalue other people's successes, and this is mutual, then such relationships are worth a lot.
6. You can be yourself
Usually, when meeting people, they want to appear better than they really are. We reserve our oddities and eccentricities for those with whom we become closer. Although in this case, it happens, we do not open up to the end.
This is a safety issue: showing yourself from an unusual side, a person may face ridicule, reproaches or insults, which is very unpleasant. With soul mates, we feel so relaxed that we are not afraid to be ourselves.
7. You easily put up with each other's shortcomings
Relationships can be approached with different standards. It is more common to evaluate them from the standpoint of how much people invest in them, what they do, how ready they are to change.
But you can also approach it from the other side: among your loved ones there are always people who are less annoying than others. You easily get along in the same territory, your habits do not contradict each other, and the thought that you would be better off alone hardly flicker. Don't underestimate these people.
8. You are together because you want it
The main thing that binds you is the desire to be near, not external circumstances. If you subtract a joint mortgage, a common business, or some other obligation from the equation, you will still communicate, and no better or worse than now.
9. Your quarrels are not the end of the world
You, like everyone else, argue and quarrel, but at the same time make up fairly quickly. First, you value each other enough to keep contradictions from destroying the relationship. Secondly, you recognize each other's right to different opinions. Thirdly, even in the heat of a quarrel, you hold back from hitting your most sensitive pain points.
