Signs of toxic mother
Toxic Parents: How to Manage Them
Written by Janie McQueen
Though she didn’t yet know the term “toxic,” Rashawnda James knew something was very off about her relationship with her mother when she was just 13 years old. “I realized that in the conversations at school that they were talking as though their parents were around a lot,” she says.
James’s parent, a crack cocaine addict, wasn’t. “There were times when I had to go search for my mother because I didn’t know where she was,” James says. “I felt responsible for my mom. Once I made that connection, I knew it was unhealthy.”
Common Toxic Traits
Signs you might have a toxic parent include:
- They’re self-centered. They don’t think about your needs or feelings.
- They’re emotional loose cannons. They overreact, or create drama.
- They overshare. They share improper info with you, like details about their intimate lives. They use you as their main source of emotional support.
- They seek control. They might use guilt and money to get you to do what they want.
- They’re harshly critical. Nothing you do is ever good enough. They don’t respect your good traits or achievements.
- They lack boundaries. They might show up unasked at your home, or attack your life choices.
Now an Atlanta-based licensed therapist, author, and self-care expert, James can name her mother’s toxic behaviors. These include manipulation and gaslighting, a technique that makes you question your ability to tell what’s true or really happening. “As a child, I couldn’t avoid my mother. I couldn’t set boundaries,” James says. “The lines were blurred. There was no filter.”
However, her mother managed to involve James in positive activities. “That became my safe haven,” James says. She excelled at track and field. One organization offered free therapy when she was in 12th grade. “It literally changed my life,” she says. That same counselor became her supervisor years later when James decided to become a therapist.
Get Rid of Guilt
“As adults, we have choices that we didn’t have as children, and we’re not required to always do what our parents want,” says Sharon Martin, a licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. She’s the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.
If you were raised to respect your elders, obey your parents, and please them at all costs, setting boundaries can seem foreign. Martin urges her clients to challenge that mindset. "Remember your parents’ inability to love, accept, and value you aren’t your fault, and don't have to do with your shortcomings.
“For example, consider whether you think it’s wrong to set boundaries, ask to be treated with respect, prioritize your or your immediate family’s needs above your parents’, or limit how much time you spend with your parents,” she says. “Would you tell a close friend that they’re wrong to do these things in response to yelling, manipulation, lying, harsh criticism, smear campaigns, or threats?”
Don’t Try to Change Them
A big “aha” moment for James was realizing she couldn’t be the reason for her mom to stop doing drugs. “I became the golden child. I thought, if I do well, she would possibly stay clean. If I graduate from high school … college… .” And on and on.
“I had to start living my life, and let go of it,” she says.
“It’s normal to want to please your parents, no matter your age,” Martin says. “But be realistic about whether it’s possible, and what your efforts are costing you emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually.”
“The most harmful thing to do to yourself is to believe you can fix them,” James agrees. “If you know that, you don’t have to stay there and take what they’re giving you. You can choose yourself. It releases you, when you don’t have to fix something. ”
Boundaries Are Key
Fifteen years later, James’s mother is clean. The two live 22 minutes from each other and talk about twice a day, though they did take a 2-year break. James stresses that while she chooses to carry on their relationship with her mom, you must do what’s best for you.
“It’s taken me 10 years of me enforcing the boundaries,” James says. “I say ‘No, Mom. I can’t give you money.’ ‘No Mom, I can’t be this for you.’ ‘I can’t go over there where those people make me uncomfortable, but you’re free to come over here.’”
“Just because she’s my mother, her priorities don’t have to outweigh mine,” she adds.
It helps that her mom has become more self-aware over time, and sometimes can catch herself in old patterns.
No Need to Explain
Have a short stock response to questions about why you’re not in contact with your parents, i.e., “I’m not talking to my parents because they’re emotionally abusive.” This can help you remember why you’ve set limits, even if others don’t get it.
“When others judge or criticize your decision to limit contact or set other boundaries with your parents, it’s usually because they assume you have emotionally healthy parents who treat you with respect,” Martin says. “But you’re limiting contact because your parents are treating you poorly. And your parents don’t get a free pass to mistreat you simply because they’re your parents.”
You still don’t owe anyone a reason, though, Martin adds. “You have the right to say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’”
Children of toxic parents might not be used to taking care of themselves, Martin says. “Use a mantra such as, ‘Self-care isn’t selfish,’ or ‘My needs matter,’ or ‘I’m an adult and have the right to make my own choices.’”
James plans a self-care activity such as journaling or exercising after she spends time with her mother. “I love to journal. It’s a great way to have an internal dialogue, to release my thoughts. I don’t keep my thoughts inside and burden myself with that,” she says. She also loves dance workouts to music from Miami, as Florida is her home state.
Listening to gospel music is another way she keeps grounded. It helps me realize that my struggle isn't just my burden, she says. “It’s a good reminder that my mom is not my responsibility. God can do more than what I could ever do for her.”
Set Up a Support System
“A support system is essential,” Martin says. She suggests support groups, or individual therapy with someone who works in narcissistic abuse, developmental trauma, or codependency.
To find a therapist, call your insurance company or go online and get a list of providers. If you don’t have insurance, affordable online options include Telehealth and BetterHelp.
Change Your Story
“At an early age, I saw what life was, and I made a commitment to myself not to repeat that cycle,” James says. “I didn’t have the road map or the blueprint, but since 12th grade, I’ve gained the tools to live in a more healthy and positive way. ”
She’s raising her three children with these in mind. For example, she doesn’t overshare, as her own mother did. “I really try to maintain their innocence as much as possible,” she says. “I don’t burden my children with other people’s problems. I allow them to see my emotions, because I want them to know a full spectrum.
“I follow the principle that my bounds of happiness are not placed in others, places, or things. I can be anywhere, I can have anything, and still find joy. That’s one of my superpowers!”
Is My Mom Toxic? 15 Signs of a Toxic Mother
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If your mom’s behavior made you comb the internet for toxic mother signs, then the situation must be dire. The truth of the matter is, a toxic person can make your life a lot more stressful, whether it's your mother or not.
You may love your mother dearly, but can no longer tolerate her harmful behaviors. I have a toxic mom myself, so I've got a relatively good idea of how you feel.
Here, you'll find out what it means to be a toxic person and what makes them that way. We will also address how they impact your well-being. Ultimately, knowing the signs of a toxic mom is a good starting point to finding ways to cope… whether that involves talking things through or cutting her off.
While there may still be hope to salvage the relationship, distancing yourself might seem like a more attractive option. The decision usually hinges on the level of toxicity, your tolerance level and the overall effects of her behavior on your health.
What You Will Learn
- What Is a Toxic Person?
- The Dangers of a Toxic Person in Your Life
- Should I Cut my Toxic Mom Off?
- 15 Toxic Mother Signs to Know
- 1. She loves to judge and criticize you
- 2. She talks down to you
- 3. She’s manipulative
- 4. She shuts you up
- 5. She’s self-centered
- 6. She gaslights you
- 7. She’s abusive
- 8. She doesn’t respect your boundaries
- 9. She makes you feel awful about your decisions
- 10. She tries to live her life through you
- 11. She’s co-dependent
- 12. The silent treatment is her weapon of control
- 13. She publicly humiliates you
- 14. She doesn’t celebrate your success
- 15. It feels like you’re “walking on eggshells” around her
- Final Thoughts on Toxic Mother Signs
A “toxic person” is described as anyone who regularly behaves in a way that makes being around them distressing. The individual typically possesses core traits that easily trigger tension or conflict at home, at work, and in their relationships.
People wind up feeling hurt, emotionally exhausted, or other negative emotions from interacting with them. The toxic behaviors can be obvious or subtle, as seen in different types of narcissists.The Dangers of a Toxic Person in Your Life
I don’t think anyone likes being around people who leave them feeling angry, confused or worthless… and that’s exactly how some toxic individuals make you feel. Truth be told, I’m allergic to these individuals and stay far, far away from them.
At the same time, it’s okay to empathize as you come to understand their motivations. Their behaviors are sometimes a reflection of how they’re coping with stress or psychological trauma.
Other deeply rooted causes include low self-esteem and mental health disorders, e.g., borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. They themselves may not recognize the effects of their actions on loved ones.
For example, if they lack self-awareness, emotional intelligence or empathy – it could be difficult for them to feel how you feel.
This is why I usually stress the need for empathy towards them. After coming across tips on how to deal with a toxic mother, I realized that showing empathy could help change how my mom relates to me.Should I Cut my Toxic Mom Off?
It doesn’t have to be a do-or-die solution. After all, it’s your mother and there are less drastic ways to manage your relationship. Hopefully, she raised you and sacrificed to give you the best life she could.
That, to me, is grounds for trying to make it work. My toxic mother abandoned me at a young age, yet I forgive her and still try to maintain a civil relationship.A “toxic person” is described as anyone who regularly behaves in a way that makes being around them distressing.
Even though you’re grown, it’s natural to expect your mom to be there for you and treat you with respect. She might even agree to change once you explain how her behavior is affecting you.
Sometimes, though, cutting ties or going no contact is an appropriate solution for ending the constant drama. Agreeably, it’s a tough call, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to protect yourself.
A toxic mom can raise hell and woe unto you if you’re in the line of fire. You might not be able to put a finger on why you dislike the way your mom deals with you. Typically, this is because the signs your mom is toxic relate more to how you feel around her.
She’ll likely do or say things that make you feel distressed, inferior, anxious, depressed, guilty, ashamed, or unworthy.
Below are actions by your mom that might evoke negative emotions, alter your behavior towards her and adversely affect how you feel about yourself.1. She loves to judge and criticize you
As the closest primary caregivers, moms have a duty to nurture their children and provide a safe environment for them to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally.
An overly critical mom will bash you for the smallest mistake and make you doubt your ability to do anything right.
She’ll criticize practically everything you do instead of offering praise or making you feel that it’s okay to make mistakes. You’re left feeling ashamed or like you’re always falling short of her expectations.2. She talks down to you
Your mom needs to recognize that you’re now an adult and should be treated as one. Talking down to you, or being condescending, has a way of making you feel “small” and inferior.
For example, she may have a habit of explaining things in fine detail, as if to say you’re not smart enough to understand.
Some monster moms use a tone of frustration and disgust intended to assert power and parental control and belittle you in one swipe. Strange enough, people talk snobbishly to others to make themselves feel better.3. She’s manipulative
According to Choosing Therapy, “Manipulation is a hallmark trait of a toxic parent.” Manipulation refers to the use of tactics to get someone to think, act or feel a certain way.
It’s also one of the strategies used by narcissists to get their selfish needs met. Your mom may shower you with compliments, love, or gifts to get her way.
In addition, she might make unreasonable demands and make you feel guilty for looking after your needs ahead of hers. She may say something like, “If you love me, you’ll do this for me.” Guilt-tripping is a tactic used to get her needs met.
If you deny her, expect her to hurl criticisms at you or tell you that you owe her many favors for raising you.4. She shuts you up
When it comes to a toxic mom, you simply don’t have a say. Not only does she overtake practically every conversation, but she also doesn’t listen to you or allow you to respond. There’s no way to have a healthy relationship with your mom if she insists on keeping you muzzled.
Communication has to be two-way to allow all parties to say what they think or feel. It’s not fair that you have to shut up just because she says so. Yes, she’s your mother, but you’re an adult and deserve the same respect she demands.5. She’s self-centered
It’s all about “me, me, me” for your maternal parent. No one else matters, so long as she’s getting her wants and needs met and her opinions heard. That’s precisely how self-absorbed people act. Your mom will seek as much attention as she can get from you and others to feel important.
You’re forced to listen to her vent about her problems and provide solutions. Try getting her to return the favor and she’ll tell you she’s busy at the moment. Healthy relationships involve a fair give and take. You should no longer put up with your selfish parent and should call out the behavior.6. She gaslights you
Do you feel like you’re crazy when talking with your mother? She might be gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that effectively instills self-doubt about a particular matter.
She’ll lie, deny, and deflect to keep you off kilter. After a while, you might begin to question your own sanity. Your dear mother probably says things like, “I never said that” or “I think you have a problem with your eyesight.” Lying and denying makes you question your senses.7. She’s abusive
Physical and emotional abuse can occur within a parent-child relationship and can be as psychologically damaging as physical or sexual abuse. If you experienced these as a child, your mom might continue the emotional abuse as a way to control and dominate you in adulthood.A toxic mom can raise hell and woe unto you if you’re in the line of fire.
Signs of emotional abuse include constant criticism, threats, rejection, talking down to you, and emotional neglect. If you struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem, those symptoms might link back to the abuse.8. She doesn’t respect your boundaries
It doesn’t occur to your toxic mother that she needs to respect your decisions and privacy. You’re an adult. Somewhere in her head, she convinces herself that having the title “Mother” gives her the unfettered right to go through your phone and other personal belongings.
She oversteps your boundaries by asking intrusive questions about your personal life. Quite frankly, that’s none of her business. The reason she’s doing all this immature stuff is to maintain control over you. You can’t help but feel violated.9. She makes you feel awful about your decisions
One of the biggest responsibilities of adulting is having to make decisions on your own. There’s a sense of independence and a feeling of satisfaction whenever those decisions lead to success.
In comes your toxic mother criticizing you for taking that job, buying that car, or dating that person. “That’s a dead-end job.” “That car doesn’t suit you.” “Can’t you date anyone else but her?” Whether she knocks your decisions out of jealousy or a lack of parental support, you wind up losing confidence in your ability to make sound decisions.10. She tries to live her life through you
As seen with narcissistic parenting, your mom may attempt to use you as a pathway to achieve her goals and desires. While it’s common for parents to do this, it’s unfair for your mom to control your academic, career, or relationship choices to try and correct her failures.
Your mom may think she’s looking out for your best interest, unaware that she’s actually seeking to fulfill her personal desires. Let your mom know that you feel confident in choosing your own life path and capable of handling the challenges without interference.11. She’s co-dependent
Parental co-dependency refers to a parent’s excessive reliance on their child to provide physical, financial, or emotional support. In other words, you become her caregiver in the dysfunctional dynamic that’s created.
She might say things to make you feel obligated to devote your life to her, e. g., “I took care of you all your life. Why won’t you help me?” Eventually, distress, anxiety, depression, or resentment set in from having to forego your responsibilities and needs to please her.12. The silent treatment is her weapon of control
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive method of communicating dissatisfaction, anger, and other ill feelings toward you. Put simply, she shuts down, withdraws, and ignores you to get even or punish you. The manipulative tactic is similar to “stonewalling” and often used by covert narcissists.
During the ‘silent’ period, she doesn’t initiate conversations or respond to your needs. Not only is her attitude dismissive, but she’s also engaging in psychological abuse, which is damaging to your self-esteem.13. She publicly humiliates you
Of all the toxic mother signs, this one might be the worst. It’s bad enough that the matriarch of your family criticizes, demeans, and ostracizes you to get the upper hand.
Bringing her toxic behavior into the public realm or on social media is taking things to another level. Chances are she had a habit of dissing you in public or in front of your friends as a child.Some monster moms use a tone of frustration and disgust intended to assert power and parental control and belittle you in one swipe.
The humiliation and disrespect hurt to the core as she shouts or argues loudly with you in public. As resilient as I am, I would feel diminished. There’s no reason you should put up with this.14. She doesn’t celebrate your success
Some moms dote over their child’s every achievement. You can see how their eyes light up telling others about it. Not your toxic mom. Due to envy and jealousy towards you, she can’t bring herself to say, “Congratulations! Well done!”
If she’s a narcissist, your success will inflict narcissistic injury, since narcissists are competitive and hate when others succeed. Your achievements will only mean something to her if she gets the credit or can share the limelight.15. It feels like you’re “walking on eggshells” around her
All in all, dealing with your toxic mom causes you to be on your Ps and Qs. You always have to watch what you say or do, hoping not to offend or upset her. You’re usually afraid to start a conversation or ask her opinion; owing to her unstable moods and fearing she might respond in a negative way.
An ingrained sense of fear around her might be the reason you experience stress and anxiety in her company or avoid her at all costs.
It is safe to say that you are dealing with a toxic mother, provided she displays one or more of the signs of a toxic mom outlined here. Yes, as much as you might be livid over your mom’s treatment of you, try not to take it personally. Remember she might be projecting her ill feelings towards herself onto you.
In the final analysis, what matters most is finding ways to cope. While there’s a chance to work it out through healthy discussions or family therapy, some parent-child relationships become almost impossible to repair… a choice which can only be made by you.
The important thing is to not feel shame for whichever way you decide to deal with the situation… your mental well-being must come first if you want to engage in healthy relationships of your own. Ready to start your healing journey? I think you’ll appreciate 25 Toxic Family Quotes to Heal & Let Go of Your Pain.
Mom, I'm sorry, but you're dangerous! 7 signs of a toxic mother that poisons life
Toxic mother: 7 main signs
Self-perception, confidence (or lack of it), complexes, behavior patterns - all this is largely formed on the basis of our relationship with parents, primarily with our mother . Mom can saturate with attention and affection, or maybe poison life. A toxic mother in an adult daughter is a problem that needs to be worked on.
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Here are the 7 most common signs that your relationship with your mother is destroying you.
1 Eternal disappointment
Nothing good seems to be expected of you. Mom takes any of your successes with sincere surprise, but mistakes and mistakes are taken for granted. Whatever you do is never enough and doesn't meet your mother's high expectations. nine0005
“Oh, this is our slut”, “Thanks for not killing herself to death” - in these outwardly harmless assessments, criticism comes through, which can develop into humiliating comments and jokes: “Yes, she is stupid with us, most importantly, to get married, the rest is unimportant” .
If you try to somehow defend yourself, you get another reproach in response: “You just don't understand jokes” or “Mom wants you well, but you are rude” .
What are the consequences
You never feel that you are valuable in your own right. You are never good enough, no matter how much you do and what you can achieve. Perhaps you often seem to hear your mother’s voice in your head: “Oh, well, you won’t succeed,” “Well, who are you to climb there. ” And you give up.
2 Passive aggression
Mom can't say straight out what you're doing wrong. But in one way or another he shows his dissatisfaction: with sarcasm, emphasized coldness, sabotage or unconscious sabotage. nine0005
“Well, of course, it’s impossible for you to do as I asked”, “Do as you know, I don’t care” - this is the reaction to any of your attempts to do it your way. Plus pursed lips and feigned indifference. To the direct question “What happened?”, Mom replies: “Everything is in order”, “I'm not angry”, even if she is clearly offended or upset.
What could be the consequences
You (or your relatives) notice that you yourself tend to resort to passive aggression. You find it difficult to understand your feelings and express them directly. You also do not expect sincere answers from others. nine0005
3 Total control
Mom does not recognize that you are a separate person with your own desires and the right to make mistakes. She always knows better how to dress, what to eat and where to go.
At the same time, he motivates his decisions with benefits for you: “It will be better this way”, “You will say thank you later” .
She wants to know exactly where you were, what you did. Having gone to see friends, you should call back at the agreed time, and when you return from school or work, retell in detail what you did, with whom you talked, how you answered, whether you made a mistake in the project or the test. nine0005
What are the possible consequences
You are never completely sure about your decisions and plans. You find it difficult to defend your personal space.
4 Disrespect for personal boundaries
“Personal boundaries? No, I have not heard". They enter your room without knocking, checking your mail, phone and social media profiles. Mom can read your personal diary and, even worse, discuss what you read with you, scold or give advice.
She may call your friends (or boyfriend!) without warning and discuss you with offhand questions. After all, a child should not have secrets from a loving parent! nine0005
What are the consequences?
You don't know how to build up and defend personal boundaries. It's hard for you to decide what you like and what you don't. It’s likely that you find it hard to say “no” to people, and it’s also hard to take care of yourself. These are the consequences of a toxic upbringing when the mother is a narcissist.
5 Manipulation of guilt
“I feed you, clothe you, and you…”, “I couldn't afford it at your age” .
If a mother fails to achieve what she wants, then you will be made to feel guilty and responsible for her bad mood, for being a bad daughter. The reasons for guilt can be very different. nine0005
Perhaps you are generally blamed for failures in life: “If you had not been born, I would now…”
What could be the consequences of
what she did wrong, blaming only herself for everything. You often feel guilty about wanting to have more than what you currently have.
6 Prohibition of negative emotions
“Why is your face so sour?”, “Stop grimacing!”, “Come on, smile, girls should smile” .
Mom thinks that you shouldn't show a bad mood and, moreover, you shouldn't show that you are angry or offended with her: "You shouldn't be offended by your mother!".
If you allow yourself to show that you are upset, you will most likely be punished and made to feel guilty about the fact that “mom was upset and now she feels bad because of you.”
What could be the consequences
It is difficult for you to express your dissatisfaction directly. You often resort to passive-aggressive tactics yourself. Trying to hide negative feelings so that they don’t think badly of you, get upset or turn away from you. nine0005
7 You are mother's best friend
Mom thinks that you have a close, trusting relationship, because you know so much about her, and you understand her so well!
In fact, since childhood, she has given you the role of an adult friend and shared details of her personal life that are beyond the mind of a small child. At the same time, in a relationship, you were required to fully focus only on her feelings.
What are the consequences
Difficulty understanding oneself and one's limits.
Where does this behavior come from
Toxic manifestations are by no means malicious intent on the part of parents. The mother may act on patterns she has in turn absorbed from her family. She literally reproduces a destructive family scenario. She did not and does not know another reality.
Is it possible to stop this mutual poisoning? Undoubtedly! A toxic relationship with your mother is not a sentence if you realize it in time. nine0005
And if you then analyze how exactly they affected you, you will be able to break the vicious circle: rebuild your relationship with your mother and start working on destructive patterns in yourself so as not to pass them on to your children.
Sometimes the impact of toxic relationships on adult life can be even more serious: depression, eating disorders, addictions.
What to do if you have a toxic mother: 4 important steps
1. Review the list
Understand what signs you have (or still show) in your toxic relationship with your mother. Think about the impact they have on you now.
The complexity of such an analysis is that people have a lot of blind spots in relation to their family: it can be difficult to admit that a beloved mother could harm. You have tasted this poison since infancy and still believed that what was happening in the family was the norm.
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2. Accept that you have a toxic mother
To begin dealing with the consequences, you need to accept that your relationship with your mother was (or is) toxic and that it may still be affecting you. nine0005
There are 5 steps waiting for you on this path:
- Negation says: “It didn’t happen, actually, my mother is not like that”
- Then comes anger: "I'm so angry that my mother treated me like that!";
- Sadness whispers: "How painful it is that this is so..."
- Bargaining suggests: “But I can change my mother! The main thing is to try!
- Acceptance reads: “Yes, I (had) such a mother. I can't change that, but I can take care of myself and help myself get over the consequences." nine0014
These stages take time and sometimes specialist support.
3. Determine how to build a relationship with the mother now
Sometimes the situation is such that the relationship with the mother remains toxic into adulthood. Then you need to think about what boundaries you should set: limit communication, establish new rules, or completely stop communication.
In any case, you need to listen to your feelings in communication with your mother and clearly indicate what and why you feel uncomfortable. Be direct about what you expect from her. nine0005
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4. Work with each destructive pattern
Of course, it is most effective to analyze the consequences of a relationship with a toxic mother in a psychologist's office, but what you can and should start independent work with is learning to listen to yourself and take care of yourself. Just like a mother should have done. nine0005
Psychologist, coach, creator of Alter psychologist selection service
What impression did this article make on you?
8 things a toxic mother does all the time — www.ellegirl.ru
A toxic relationship is a type of interaction between people that causes severe pain to one of the participants in communication. Like most problems, this one comes from childhood. And she is born under the influence of the closest person - the mother. How does this happen? nine0005
A small child has no idea how other families live: the only thing he sees is his own family. And, of course, if the mother, to put it mildly, goes too far, the child has no choice but to obey, because she is the main character in his tiny world.
Growing up, the child can no longer understand how toxic his relationship with his mother is: he is simply not used to a different format. Moreover, he builds his personal relationships with other people according to the same scheme, acting as a victim. nine0005
Meanwhile, toxic relationships are always an accumulation of negativity, so such communications should be kept to a minimum, even when it comes to your own mother. But how to determine that a relationship with her is toxic? Here are the toxic mother's favorite tricks.
The phrases "You always" and "You never" are the main ones in her vocabulary. She constantly accuses the child of almost all mortal sins.
2. Reminds her of her sacrifice
A toxic mother constantly reminds her child: “I have done so much for you!”. Even when the child grows up and takes nothing from her for a long time, she still resorts to this argument and reminds him of all the sacrifices that she once made for him. nine0005
3. Chooses a pet
Every family has favorites, but the difference between a normal mother and a toxic mother is that the first one does it unintentionally and tries not to show her sympathy. It’s just that, for example, it’s easier for her to communicate with that child who is similar in character to her. At the same time, she emphasizes that she loves everyone equally.
A toxic mother constantly weaves some kind of intrigue between her children, deliberately showing her affection for one of them. By the way, if there is only one child in the family, this is not a problem: a toxic mother will always find cousins, sisters and great-nephews to use them for her manipulations. nine0005
4. Shows aggression
A toxic mother may show overt or covert aggression. Both of these types have a negative impact on children: as a result of open aggression, they become withdrawn, have trouble sleeping and are prone to depression. And in the case of a hidden one, they risk turning into real hooligans in adolescence.
5. Uses gaslighting
What is it? This is a form of manipulation when a person makes the opponent doubt the adequacy of the perception of the surrounding reality. For example, when a girl comes to her mother and says that her brother hit her, and the mother says that the daughter herself is to blame, as she incited him. Although he knows very well: the daughter was sitting in the room and did not touch anyone. In this case, there is gaslighting from the mother.