Signs of emotionally unstable woman

13 Key Signs of an Emotionally Unstable Partner

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When you're seeking a partner, or even just new friends, it can be wise to know some of the potential clues that a person might be drama-prone. During certain life stages, it can be particularly important to surround yourself with people who are easy to be in a relationship or friendship with.

Consider these scenarios:

  • You've just gotten out of a drama-filled relationship with someone who was needy and intense. You're recovering and looking for companionship that's not so fraught with stress.
  • Perhaps you're a bit needy and dramatic yourself. You know you need people in your life who are stable, have excellent boundaries, and won't play into any of the emotional games you're prone to.
  • You're in the midst of a life stage in which something is incredibly demanding of your time (e.g., you're a new doctor doing your residency). Your emotional reserves are always running near empty. However, you feel somewhat lonely and desire a close relationship.

People who lean towards emotional instability can have a lot of great qualities, but they can also be hard work, and whether you're up for that will depend on your own circumstances and the balance of the situation. Therefore, I'm not saying you should immediately write off people who have any of the following attributes, but be thoughtful about your decisions.

1. The person makes angry, entitled statements. We've probably all had the experience of hearing someone make a statement and thinking "Wow, that sounds so entitled." For instance, the person makes a mistake and thinks other people should fix it, without them experiencing any consequences.

Similarly, keep an eye out for people who get disproportionately angry or upset about something small not being as they expected—like they show up to a hotel at check-in time, and their room isn't ready. Or the person overreacts to small, perceived slights. For example, they propose an idea to their new work team and get asked for further information so that the team can make a decision. They react by saying, "How dare people question me?"

2. The person struggles to regularly show up to things. A good sign of emotional stability is if someone regularly keeps their commitments, whether that's handing in work on time, actually showing up to events they've said they'll attend, or playing in group sports.

3. The person has a dramatic family. It's undeniably tough to judge an individual by their family, but if someone hasn't had loving, reliable caregivers, there's an elevated chance that they won't have developed those skills themselves.

Also, there is a genetic element to temperament, so someone with emotionally unstable parents is more likely to be that way themselves. Sometimes you can see a trait that runs in a family, where some members of the family display a reasonably adaptive version of that trait, and others display a clearly maladaptive manifestation. For instance, one sibling is a drug addict and criminal, the other is an adrenaline junkie who takes some big risks in their business dealings. If you're someone who hates risk-taking, even the latter person might not be a good match for you. If you don't mind risk-taking, it might be fine.

Consider the stability of someone's family in conjunction with the other clues I've mentioned.

4. The person fails to display appropriate empathy. We've all experienced making a statement in which we expect some type of response and don't get it. For example, you share something that went well for you and expect a "Well done." Or you share something stressful and anticipate that the person you're talking with will at least muster a "That sucks" in response.

Look out for when you express a comment that would usually elicit some type of empathic or supportive response, and the person drifts off-topic to talking about themselves.

5. The person is always trying to one-up you. This point is a variation of the point above. When you make a statement, does the other person always try to one-up you? For example, you mention that you're experiencing stress, and they mention something they've got going on that, in their mind, is more stressful. A friend of mine used to call this pattern of responding: "You've got a headache? Well, I've got a brain tumor." People with limited emotional skills sometimes see their behavior as being empathic and don't realize that it isn't.

Another manifestation of this pattern is when you're trying to talk about a goal you're working on, and the other person tells you about their bigger goal.

6. The person easily "stiffs" other people. Let's say a coach paid for all the team uniforms, and each team member is supposed to repay them for their uniform cost. An unstable, entitled person may just conveniently "forget" about this. If they think they can get away with not paying a bill, they will, even if they owe it.

7. The person can never admit they're wrong. Instead of admitting fault, they'll lie, make excuses, minimize a situation, or always blame other people or circumstances.

8. The person is extremely fearful of any criticism or minor rejection. People who don't have good coping capacities and who are prone to rumination and mood swings tend to be very fearful of negative emotional experiences, like being criticized or rejected, even though, to some extent, these are part of life.

9. The person runs from problems rather than dealing with them appropriately. Your prospective partner changes their phone number unexpectedly, and you find out it's to avoid debt collection calls. Or perhaps they're behind on their mortgage, but instead of facing up to the situation and working with the lender, they try to dodge the issue.

You meet someone, and each of their last three most recent relationships has resulted in them getting a restraining order against their prior partner, or someone getting arrested. This is a clue that something is going on. They've likely experienced trauma that they haven't yet learned to manage the psychological sequelae of, and keep putting themselves in new, chaotic situations. This is different from someone who has experienced trauma, but has addressed it. At the very least, someone who has had very dramatic past relationships is going to have some emotional scars (and potentially still-open wounds) from those experiences.

Stable relationships can help individuals heal from past unstable ones, but being in a relationship with someone who has this history does typically require more emotional effort. Depending on what's going on in your life and whether you're emotionally stable yourself, you may or may not want to take this on (or have the emotional skills yourself to do that).

11. The person doesn't consistently manage their medical conditions. If someone should be taking daily medication for a long-term problem and struggles with consistency, that's a potential sign that their behavior is not going to be very reliable.

Similarly, if a person should be taking behavioral steps to manage a condition (e.g., exercising or lowering their salt intake), but isn't, this is an indicator of them having difficulty with follow-through and consistency.

On the other hand, if you meet someone who is consistently managing a medical condition, then it's a very good sign that they have good, or potentially good, self-regulatory skills. Even if the person has had some dramatic elements in their past, they're able to rise above those, at least in one area.

12. The person can't see other people's points of view. Being able to see other people's points of view helps us remain even-keeled emotionally. For example, if you can understand why something is a big deal to someone else, even if it's not to you, then you can react with understanding rather than exasperation, or by getting angry at their anger.

People who can't see others' points of view tend to be emotionally explosive and can't understand why it's important that everyone gets a turn at getting their own way.

13. The person seems too intense. There are various ways this can manifest. For example, someone who is too self-disclosing too soon, or who tends to rush into things they get overexcited about. Often people who idealize others are prone to flipping later when something bursts that bubble.

Summing Up

As I mentioned at the outset, you shouldn't view any of the factors I've mentioned in isolation. For any one point I've mentioned, there might be an alternative explanation. For instance, a person regularly misses events, because they've got adult ADHD and struggle with planning. However, if your intuitive alarm bells are ringing about someone, consider this list of factors to see if it helps you understand why you have that sense.

Facebook image: YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV/Shutterstock

8 Signs Of An Emotionally Unstable Woman To Watch Out For | Heather Hans

First, it's important to note that just because a woman is emotionally unstable does not mean they she is a bad person and there is no reason to demonize her or her actions.

What is does mean is she is incapable of being in a healthy relationship with you at this point in time because her relationship with herself is impaired.

What she needs is take the necessary steps to be strong in who she is before she is ready to love you. How can she do this?

By devoting a significant amount of time and energy into herself and her healing (inspired by her own free will and strong desire). Then and only then she is better, and able to withstand the rigors that intimacy requires.

RELATED: How To Love A Woman With Anxiety

Whether she is on her healing path or stuck in chronic emotional instability, her main focus will be on herself for the indefinite future and not on you.

Therefore, unless you are attached to having a broken heart (in which case you have your own emotional instability that needs healing), leave now if you notice any of these signs.

8 Signs of an emotionally unstable woman

1. She trusts everyone but herself.

Trusting everyone but oneself is often a symptom of trauma. Childhood trauma, in particular, can cause a person to abandon themselves and their own needs in order to survive.

As a consequence, girls become women who give their power to others, which eventually comes back to bite them and causes resentment.

Though it might feel good to be trusted by her, if that trust is based on a lack of confidence instead of intimacy developed with you over time, then the trust is not about you. It’s about her unhealed wound.

The reason why she lacks trust in herself predicts future heartbreak for you. This means she can be influenced any which way the wind blows. She cannot be trusted to stand strong in her own moral compass because she has yet to develop one.

When a woman is strong in who she is, she can be a reliable teammate for you.

2. She lacks physical wellness.

When a woman is not physically well and fit, she may lack the vital energy that is necessary to demonstrate love. A lack of physical wellness causes her to be distracted by uncomfortable physical symptoms, stagnant energy, and oftentimes, low self-esteem.

All of these distracters can cause emotional upset and take away from her ability to love you.

RELATED: The Sad Truth About The Effects Of Emotional Abuse On Your Brain

3. She abuses substances.

This includes excessive food, alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, caffeine, and prescription drugs. True intimacy cannot take place while altered by a substance that creates an unauthentic mood.

Chemicals absolutely alter emotions, which is why people ingest them. The more she needs, the more unstable she becomes emotionally. A woman is unable to give you the love and attention you deserve when they she is too preoccupied with getting her next "fix".

If she abuses any kind of substance, she is not a fulfilling partner because she will always put the substance before you, before herself, and before her higher power.

While plenty of couples exist wherein one or both partners abuse substances, emotional instability lies below the surface. Remember, just because you are in a relationship, that does not mean it’s a healthy or satisfying one.

4. She remains in uninspiring and/or disrespectful relationships.

Examine the various relationships in her life and you will discover how she really feels about herself (and about her life). If she allows herself to constantly be disrespected, or in uninspiring relationships, then some part of her feels unworthy and inadequate.

The more unworthy she person feels, the more she will rely on you to define her worth; a codependent relationship leads to heartbreak.

An emotionally solid woman is one who has confidence. Humble yes, but she also knows her worth and doesn't need anyone to create it for her.

Think of someone in business who gives all of their goods or services away for free or for much lower than their worth, versus someone who charges for the value they know they offer.

The one who charges is clean and balanced mentally and emotionally, whereas the one who does not charge (or undercharges) makes others more important than their survival. It is a weakness that they need to shore up or else they will go broke!

The same is true in love relationships. Women that don't value themselves likely have anxiety and depression, which can be a real heartbreaker for you.

RELATED: 9 Relationship Deal Breakers You Might Be Ignoring (That Are Keeping You From Finding "The One")

5. She always has a pessimistic attitude.

A pessimistic and faithless attitude means a person lacks spiritual wellbeing. Because the highest and truest reason for a relationship is to put you in touch with your own divinity, this one is a deal-breaker.

If she does not see life through a divine lens, she will not see the divinity in you nor will she have faith in the relationship or its greater potential.

6. She refuses to take accountability for her actions

Taking accountability is a skill that is necessary to maintaining healthy relationships — whether romantic or platonic. A woman that is unable to own up to her actions, and constantly denies any wrongdoing, may be emotionally unstable.

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A mature adult is able to identify her issues and mistakes made. Reconciliation will be a struggle for the woman that lacks a strong emotional capacity.

RELATED: Emotionally Unavailable People Share These 10 Confusing Traits

7. She has no boundaries and doesn't respect the boundaries of others.

When you are constantly reminding her to respect your boundaries and to set limits with others, she may be emotionally unstable. A woman's self-esteem is tied to her boundaries.

If she is unable to keep herself from crossing the line or telling others when they have do so, her self-esteem is low. The way she views her worth and importance has a lot to do with the boundaries she puts in place with those around her.

8. She struggles to commit to anything.

Is she constantly canceling plans? Do you watch her flake out on her friends and family? If yes, that is a clear warning sign. Commitment to anything or anyone is hard for her because she lacks trust in herself and others. She may even have a hard time defining relationship status because that means she has to commit to that role, exclusively.

Emotional instability does not mean a woman is bad or ill-fated. It just means she needs to take the time to focus on her mental, physical, and spiritual health before she can contribute to a loving relationship.

One thing is for sure, you should never wait around for someone to change. It may take forever.

RELATED: I'm The 'Crazy' Girlfriend Everyone Warned You About

More for You:

Heather Hans is a public speaker, psychotherapist, and the author who shares ways people can navigate serious human issues using creative and entertaining methods, such as books, live streams, and leadership coaching.

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what is it, how to identify and how to cope

We used to explain short temper, irritability, anger and even a sudden change of mood as a complex character. But in fact, behind these emotional outbursts, a very serious mental illness can be hidden.

What is emotionally unstable personality disorder

According to various experts, emotionally unstable personality disorder is observed in 2-5% of the world population.

The disease is more common in women.

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), it is also called borderline personality disorder.

Scientists cannot fully understand what causes the disease - upbringing or genetic abnormalities. There is a hypothesis that the DRD4 gene, which is responsible for impulsivity and curiosity, is to blame. Other scientists believe that the cause is the shocks experienced in childhood - psychological or physical abuse, emotional alienation of parents and lack of care on their part. It is believed that the disorder is more common in people whose relatives suffered from the same disease or other mental illnesses.

You can notice an emotionally unstable personality disorder in a person by a number of signs (there must be at least three):

  • a person does not have a holistic and complete idea of ​​himself, considers himself either ideal, or bad, or impulsive, or reserved;
  • reacts extremely to situations of abandonment. He sees danger even where there is none. May decide that he is being abandoned when a partner does not call for a couple of hours or is late for a date;
  • does not adapt well to new circumstances and communicates with new people;
  • the disorder begins in childhood or adolescence and continues into adulthood;
  • leads to distress - stress that does not mobilize the body in difficult situations, but only exhausts it.

All of these signs are permanent.

How to diagnose

People with an emotionally unstable personality disorder can rarely admit it themselves, much less ask for help. This is due to an incomplete self-image - a person does not understand that something is going wrong, or writes off the state of circumstances. Therefore, the only right decision would be to refer a person to a specialist.

Only a psychiatrist can make a diagnosis. He carefully observes the patient's behavior for a while, paying special attention to emotional reactions.

The problem with emotionally unstable personality disorder is that it can be confused with stress-related impulsive behavior. At the same time, about 10% of people with this diagnosis make suicide attempts. It is worth contacting a specialist, even if there are vague suspicions of an emotionally unstable disorder.

How to treat

Most often, emotionally unstable personality disorder is treated with the help of therapeutic techniques, without resorting to drugs. The thing is, there is no 100% working tool. Nasal sprays containing the hormone oxytocin are currently being researched. This hormone relaxes a person and makes him more attentive to himself and other people. But the effectiveness of these drugs has not yet been experimentally confirmed.

There are two main methods of treatment: gestalt therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Gestalt therapy is an excellent training for mindfulness. The patient comes to hour sessions and can just be himself next to the doctor. The therapist does not ask questions, does not try to unearth the past, but focuses on what is happening here and now with the patient. If this causes an emotional breakdown, the doctor somehow reacts to it and together they learn to live through moments of crisis. The doctor, with the help of feedback, shows that he can not be ashamed of even strong emotions and swings and control them, if necessary.

Cognitive behavioral therapy works well for training constructive behaviors. During hour-long sessions, the doctor teaches the patient to be aware of his behavior, to separate the harmful from the useful, and to use constructive methods more often. The problem of emotionally unstable disorder is in a small number of behavioral ways - a person can only scream, cry and be offended. The doctor, on the other hand, helps him find new ways and not use them according to a template, but approach them flexibly.

What to do yourself

Due to the danger of the disorder, experts do not recommend self-medication, but studies show that there are techniques that help to undergo therapy.

  • Meditation. Helps train mindfulness, not only in the doctor's office. The deep breathing technique helps to relax, and constant attention to the breath and one's own body develops awareness.
  • Sport. Having learned to control the body, a person will gradually gain control over the emotional state. And team sports will help you find a common language with the team and teach you how to live in it.
  • Creativity. One of the problems of emotionally unstable disorder is unexpressed emotions. To throw out excessive fear, anger, joy, you can sculpt, draw, sew, write poetry.
  • Daily routine. Emotional instability can be compensated by a tough schedule. In addition, with the help of the schedule, you can set triggers that will help you control yourself. For example, every three hours ask yourself: "How am I doing", "What do I feel", "Do I understand what I'm doing."

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Emotional instability — Kazan-clinic.

ru Emotional instability —

Emotional instability is not a disease, but a personality disorder characterized by mood swings, impulsivity, inconsistency in actions, lack of self-control, affective outbursts, excessive irritability. Moreover, these pathocharacterological properties appear constantly, regardless of the situation, natural fluctuations or stress factors. From the outside, it seems that a person simply cannot control himself.

People with emotional instability often cannot cope with their dissatisfaction with what is happening, they look for reasons to get a release of their emotions. At the same time, they do not tolerate objections or criticism, they are overly impatient and intolerant of other people's opinions.

Emotional instability can be of two types - borderline and impulsive.

The borderline type of emotional instability is characterized by affective lability, increased impressionability, mobility of cognitive perception, liveliness of imagination. He is constantly “turned on” to what is happening and is too susceptible to his own failures or obstacles that have arisen on the path of realization or achievement of the goal. At the same time, all events are perceived in an exaggerated way, which leads to frequent stress. This condition is characterized as an unstable psychopathy, close to schizophrenia.

Emotional volitional instability of this type manifests itself already in adolescence, when one's own desires prevail over generally accepted prohibitions and rules. Such teenagers are restless, and frequent mood swings cause inattention and frustration.

This type of personality has disorders of self-identification, shows a weakness for life's trials. Often this leads to drunkenness, drug use, delinquency, and in rare cases, depression or hysteria. Such people quickly become attached to others, which prevents them from becoming independent. Unjustified jealousy, conflicts, suicidal blackmail are the main manifestations of unbalanced behavior.

The impulsive type of emotional instability is characterized by increased excitability. Such people react to any irritating factors that seem to be directed against them. In childhood, aggression, hysteria, resentment and capriciousness appear. If a person with such emotional instability does not become a leader, then more often he withdraws into himself, becoming embittered at others.

Attacks of rage, anger, affective actions "in public" are the main signs of this disorder. Such behavior often repels others, which only aggravates the situation, forming a cruel personality, uncompromising, incapable of relationships and dialogue.

To avoid the consequences and complications of emotional instability, you should take measures and consult a specialist when the first symptoms appear. A psychotherapist, who is always ready to help you, accepts at the Kazan Clinic.


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