Quite the power of introverts

Quiet by Susan Cain Summary

QuietSusan CainSelf-Help

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Are you the type of person who genuinely believes that silence is golden, and that quiet is a luxury? Have you ever wondered why some things that you might find exhausting, others find exhilarating?

Quiet, is about listening to, and acknowledging the power and indomitable strength of introverts. The world has been split, and is geared towards extroverts, and Susan Cain argues that this bias towards people who feed off high-energy scenarios, means introverts are often pushed aside.

As an introvert by nature, author Susan Cain faced this dilemma while growing up. She liked being quiet, but felt the world wanted her to be louder. Thinking back to a school camp, she remembers participating in the endless team activities, and the shouting of group cheers, when all she really wanted was just to sit quietly and read. This motivated her to research the science behind personality, with a particular focus on introversion.

Did you know that one in three of your friends sees themselves as an introvert? Or, maybe you're the introvert in the group? The message is, that even if you're not an introvert, you know someone who is. Understanding the people around us is essential to forging better work, friend, or family relationships.

The challenge today, is that we're biased towards the extrovert. This bias results in two problems. The first problem is that we undervalue the quiet strength of introverts, and secondly, we cater to what extroverts need to be at their best. Modern society seldom takes time to understand, or accommodate the introvert. Hence, being an introvert can often be difficult in a world that doesn't necessarily cater to them. However, the world needs the quiet strength of introverts.

This brief summary offers an understanding of personality types, that's immensely helpful. It's essential to realize the things that drive us, and things that might deplete us. Both introverts and extroverts have unique strengths, but each of these personalities has different needs. So knowing our personality type, helps us to identify what we need to thrive, not just to survive. Carl Jung, the psychologist who introduced these two terms, said there's no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. We fall somewhere on a continuum, with introversion on one end, and extroversion on the other.

Understanding the Continuum

Where we fall on the introvert-extrovert continuum, isn't determined by how shy or outgoing we believe we are. Personality isn't so simple. For example, introverts can behave like extroverts, and vice versa.

Let's look at the quiet guy in the office. We may think that he's incredibly shy because he's quiet at work, but maybe he can talk for hours on end when he's around his close friends. The social butterfly might appear extroverted, but she might also be the introvert who craves the quiet solitude of downtime when the party's over. A leader might stand in the spotlight, not because she likes it, but because she feels compelled to do what she believes is right.

Our personality traits are less about choice, and more a matter of neurological wiring. The real distinguishing feature is how we respond to stimulation, including social stimulation. By nature, extroverts crave stimulation, whereas introverts prefer lower levels of outside stimulation. Furthermore, introverts tend to gravitate towards safe quieter environments, especially when they need to recharge.

So, it's not that introverts are quiet, but rather that they need quiet, to function at their best.

Our Biology Lays the Foundation to How We Experience the World

And to explain, let's look at life handing us lemons. To begin, an extrovert's biological makeup is different from an introvert's, as we'll prove by bringing in some lemons. In 1967, psychologist Hans Eysenck, dropped lemon juice onto the tongues of extroverts and introverts. He then measured how much saliva was produced, and he found that introverts immediately produced more saliva.

This finding is significant because it shows that introverts have a lower threshold for tolerating sensations like sights, sounds, and smells. This indicates that an introvert's nervous system is more sensitive than the average nervous system. As a result, they have more intense reactions to their environment. It's a trait that can be genetically inherited, and detected as early as four months. A baby with stronger reactions to external stimuli, is more likely to be introverted by nature. So, knowing the right amount of stimulation that nurtures your nature, will not only help you cope, but to thrive.

The problem is that our society leans towards the extrovert. Open-plan offices, bright lights, overcrowded malls, or noisy parties - these are all ways to excite the extrovert, but overwhelm the introvert. In a sense, it's a cultural bias.

Introverts Often Feel Out of Their Comfort Zone

The cultural bias towards extroverts, means that introverts often feel uneasy in the world. This feeling is because schools and workplaces favor the extroverts' need for stimulation.

If we look at a typical classroom, we'll see how this manifests. You'll see desks that are grouped in pods, lots of visual stimuli, and the focus is often on group work and group activities. Similarly, offices are often open-plan, with no walls, subjecting everyone to noise and their co-workers' constant gaze.

Our society promotes the extrovert ideal. Self-help books teach us how to "win friends and influence people." Teachers tend to believe that the ideal student is the outgoing, more outspoken one. And, at work, introverts are often passed over for leadership positions. All of this means that we dramatically undervalue introverts, and in doing so, we lose a lot.

Introverts Need to Question Themselves Less

Rather than question themselves, introverts need to look harder at the world around them.

There was once a boy who was so quiet and shy, that he would run straight home from school at the end of the day, to avoid socializing with classmates. As he grew older, he remained a quiet and shy man. Rather than seeing his shyness as a fault, he believed that these traits were his strengths. He coupled these traits with an instinct that made him want to stand against oppression. Over time he decided to speak up on behalf of others. His motto was: 'In a gentle way, you can shake the world.' His name was Mahatma Gandhi. If we look towards the United States, in 1955, Rosa Parks quietly refused to give up her seat on a bus. Her bold defiance set in motion one of the most significant social movements in history, the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

Both of these people were brave and powerful: yet describe themselves as quiet, soft-spoken, and even shy. Furthermore, there's an abundance of quiet thinkers who are responsible for many important discoveries and artistic achievements.

So the question we need to ask is: how can workplaces and schools, allow both personality types to complement each other?

A Glimpse Into the Workplace

Research shows that charismatic leaders have higher salaries than introverted leaders. However, more charisma does not mean better performance. A study reviewing 128 CEOs of major companies concluded that introverts actually outperform extroverts in certain circumstances. Introverts are particularly capable when leading proactive employees, because they listen deeply, and are more willing to implement suggestions. So when it comes to leadership in the workplace, we need to level out the loudness, because there's zero correlation between being the best talker, and having the best idea. And, really successful companies opt for the dynamic duo approach.

Steve Jobs was no doubt an innovator, but his introverted Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, truly brought these innovations to life. Working alone at his cubicle at Hewlett-Packard, Wozniak created the first personal computer. He said he would never have become such an expert, if it wasn't for his introverted nature.

On the other hand, extroverts like Jobs, excel at presenting ideas to strangers, enjoy new social networking events, and make crucial connections. Ultimately extroverts are risk-driven. Introverts are better threat detectors, and therefore, better risk assessors. They persist more on problems, observe, listen intently, and tend to be more detail-oriented.

What we need to remember is that teams with both introverts and extroverts, complement each other. They can rely on each other's strengths and counteract each other's weaknesses. So it's up to us to discern and play towards our strengths; and it's then for companies, to know how to leverage them.

What's more, if creativity and innovation are required, then maybe it's time to play by the introvert's rules, because many creative people have a serious streak of introversion. For example, Charles Darwin took long lonely walks in the woods, and used this as his deep thinking time. JK Rowling booked herself into a hotel, carving out alone time to finish her last Harry Potter novel. The author behind Dr. Seuss, dreamed up these amazing stories, while working in a lonely room at the back of his house. He reported being afraid that children might meet him, and be disappointed by his reserved nature, comparing him to the jolly characters he wrote about.

The introvert's strengths are that they prefer to work alone, focus on one task at a time, and tend to have a remarkable ability to concentrate. Research shows that this kind of deep work, done alone, is needed to elicit creative and innovative thinking. The difficulty is that today's work environment, is geared towards distraction and interaction. Open-plan offices, team building, and brainstorming sessions populate the modern workplace. And, group work, doesn't always work. Studies show that people produce more ideas when they're alone, and that these ideas generated, are often of higher quality. It's worth noting that the bigger the group, the worse the performance.

Finally, we often lose out on introvert's valuable ideas because extroverts tend to think out loud, and speak up more. As a result, the opinions of the extrovert get the most airtime. Groups also mirror each other's way of thinking, and easily conform, which hinders our capacity for original thinking. So it's worth considering giving more space to the introverts, to maximize creative thinking and problem-solving.

To Maximize Creativity, You Might Need to Break Some Rules

So how do we create spaces where different personalities can thrive?

The first thing is to create flexible work environments that allow for remote working. We should also allow people to prepare before meetings and brainstorming sessions, in order to generate ideas beforehand.

Schools can also get creative, and help quieter pupils to speak up, without feeling intimidated. A student Briana recalled how daunting she found groupwork. Briana's teacher provided each student with three sticks before class, and they then had to sit in a circle and discuss that day's topic. A stick could only be discarded if you contributed to the discussion. Leftover sticks at the end of class, signaled lower grades. This meant that introverts would ultimately receive lower grades than the extroverts. This experience was a nightmare for introverts such as Briana, and it was also incredibly counter-productive. A lot of extroverted students just started talking for the sake of talking, and this resulted in meaningless discussion, instead of any mindful dialogue.

Cain suggests the "think, pair, and share" approach. It's a slightly different, but beneficial technique, because it provides necessary thinking time. The idea is to give students time alone to think and then pair them up to discuss ideas and thoughts. After that, the class can come together as a whole, and reflect further. This approach creates a friendlier, more conducive environment for introverts.

In Conclusion

Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, we all need to evaluate personality types and create win-win situations for everyone. It's not fair that there's a cultural bias towards extroverts, and that the world has been tailored to accommodate their needs. It's worth assessing where we and those around us, fit on the continuum. After that, we can adapt environments to bring out the best in ourselves and others.

Being quiet and shy isn't a weakness, and Susan Cain reminds us of the introvert's quiet power, as well as their unique needs and invaluable contributions. The final message is that introverts need to take back their power. And, we should all be aware that there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how we function best.

Look at yourself and your environment, and ask yourself whether you're being allowed to function at your very best.

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Top 85 Best Quotes from “Quiet: The Power of Introverts”

In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture.

Being an introvert is not a flaw, but a character trait like any other, and it should be respected as such, but this is not always the case, especially in the American society. Many people even blame themselves for being introverted, or are unaware that they are introverted and believe themselves to be shy.

INTROVERTS AND WORK SPACE: WHEN COLLABORATION MAY KILL CREATIVITY

It’s surprising for many to learn that many famous people are actually introverts. We may assume that to perform at a certain level we need an outgoing, extroverted personality, but this is not true. Read below, for example, about six well known introverts.

1. Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein is one of the most famous scientists in history, but he was also a known introvert. Leaning into his introverted nature, Einstein believed that his creativity and success came from keeping to himself. He said, “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”

Top 52 Best Quotes from Albert Einstein

2. Bill Gates

Bill Gates has said that introverts can be successful by recognizing and taking advantage of their specific strengths, like taking time to think and come up with ideas. Introvert entrepreneurs, for example, by combining their strengths with what they extroverts employees do best, can tap into both sets of skills to grow their business. It’s interesting to consider that Bill Gates is an introvert, but he’s not shy. Not all introverts are necessarily shy, and most people have some introvert and extrovert qualities that exist simultaneously.

Success and Failure: What Bill Gates Learned and 23 Inspiring Quotes

3. Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt was a public person, well known for her entertaining, lectures and press conferences, but she was actually an introvert. Roosevelt believed that you should be your best friend, because only then can you be a friend to others.

4. Elon Musk

Elon Musk is another famous introvert. It took him a lot of time and practice to get comfortable with going up on stage and speaking clearly, but being the head of a company, he had to learn how to do it.

Bezos, Musk, & Buffett See The World Differently, Because They See Time Differently

5.

J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling is a great example of the principle that introverts are often their most creative when left alone. J.K. Rowling dreamt up Harry Potter when taking a solo train trip. Also, her pen wouldn’t work, but she was too shy to ask a stranger to borrow one, and so she composed the story in her head.

6. Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet, one of the richest people in the world, is a highly respected leader in the financial industry, but he had to put extra time and effort into learning how to connect with people. However, part of his success is due specifically to his preference for solitude, characteristic that has given him the focus needed to become an expert. Buffet’s ability to think clearly and act wisely when other people panic is what has kept him on top.

The 90 Best Warren Buffett Quotes

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” ― Susan Cain

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” ― Susan Cain

“Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” ― Susan Cain

“The highly sensitive [introverted] tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe themselves as creative or intuitive. They dream vividly, and can often recall their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, physical beauty. They feel exceptionally strong emotions–sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear. Highly sensitive people also process information about their environments–both physical and emotional–unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss–another person’s shift in mood, say, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.” ― Susan Cain

“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured.” ― Susan Cain

“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk. Use your natural powers — of persistence, concentration, and insight — to do work you love and work that matters. Solve problems. make art, think deeply.” ― Susan Cain,

“So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way. ” ― Susan Cain

“Introversion- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness- is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.” ― Susan Cain

Quiet: The Power of Introverts

“Everyone shines, given the right lighting.” ― Susan Cain

“We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally.” ― Susan Cain

“I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they’re good talkers, but they don’t have good ideas. It’s so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They’re valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.” ― Susan Cain

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” ― Susan Cain

“If you’re an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you might have been prodded to come “out of your shell” -that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and some humans are just the same.” ― Susan Cain

“Whoever you are, bear in mind that appearance is not reality. Some people act like extroverts, but the effort costs them energy, authenticity, and even physical health. Others seem aloof or self-contained, but their inner landscapes are rich and full of drama. So the next time you see a person with a composed face and a soft voice, remember that inside her mind she might be solving an equation, composing a sonnet, designing a hat. She might, that is, be deploying the powers of quiet.” ― Susan Cain

“The purpose of school should be to prepare kids for the rest of their lives, but too often what kids need to be prepared for is surviving the school day itself.” ― Susan Cain

“Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to. Stay home on New Year’s Eve if that’s what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story. Make a deal with yourself that you’ll attend a set number of social events in exchange for not feeling guilty when you beg off.” ― Susan Cain

“It’s not that there is no small talk…It’s that it comes not at the beginning of conversations but at the end…Sensitive people…’enjoy small talk only after they’ve gone deep’ says Strickland. ‘When sensitive people are in environments that nurture their authenticity, they laugh and chitchat just as much as anyone else.” ― Susan Cain

“We don’t need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.” ― Susan Cain

“Evangelicalism has taken the Extrovert Ideal to its logical extreme…If you don’t love Jesus out loud, then it must not be real love. It’s not enough to forge your own spiritual connection to the divine; it must be displayed publicly. ” ― Susan Cain

“We know from myths and fairy tales that there are many different kinds of powers in this world. One child is given a light saber, another a wizard’s education. The trick is not to amass all the different kinds of power, but to use well the kind you’ve been granted.” ― Susan Cain

“It’s as if they have thinner boundaries separating them from other people’s emotions and from the tragedies and cruelties of the world.” ― Susan Cain

“Love is essential, gregariousness is optional.” ― Susan Cain

“I had always imagined Rosa Parks as a stately woman with a bold temperament, someone who could easily stand up to a busload of glowering passengers. But when she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was “timid and shy” but had “the courage of a lion.” They were full of phrases like “radical humility” and “quiet fortitude. ” ― Susan Cain

“Introverts need to trust their gut and share their ideas as powerfully as they can. This does not mean aping extroverts; ideas can be shared quietly, they can be communicated in writing, they can be packaged into highly produced lectures, they can be advanced by allies. The trick for introverts is to honor their own styles instead of allowing themselves to be swept up by prevailing norms.” ― Susan Cain

“We don’t ask why God chose as his prophet a stutterer with a public speaking phobia. But we should. The book of Exodus is short on explication, but its stories suggest that introversion plays yin to the yang of extroversion; that the medium is not always the message; and that people followed Moses because his words were thoughtful, not because he spoke them well.” ― Susan Cain

“A Manifesto for Introverts: 1. There’s a word for ‘people who are in their heads too much’: thinkers. 2. Solitude is a catalyst for innovation. 3. The next generation of quiet kids can and must be raised to know their own strengths. 4. Sometimes it helps to be a pretend extrovert. There will always be time to be quiet later. 5. But in the long run, staying true to your temperament is key to finding work you love and work that matters. 6. One genuine new relationship is worth a fistful of business cards. 7. It’s OK to cross the street to avoid making small talk. 8. ‘Quiet leadership’ is not an oxymoron. 9. Love is essential; gregariousness is optional. 10. ‘In a gentle way, you can shake the world.’ -Mahatma Gandhi” ― Susan Cain

“For example, highly sensitive people tend to be keen observers who look before they leap. They arrange their lives in ways that limit surprises. They’re often sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, pain, coffee. They have difficulty when being observed (at work, say, or performing at a music recital) or judged for general worthiness (dating, job interviews). But there are new insights. The highly sensitive tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe themselves as creative or intuitive (just as Aron’s husband had described her). They dream vividly, and can often recall their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, physical beauty. They feel exceptionally strong emotions — sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also sorrow, melancholy, and fear. Highly sensitive people also process information about their environments — both physical and emotional — unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss — another person’s shift in mood, say, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.” ― Susan Cain

“What if you love knowledge for its own sake, not necessarily as a blueprint to action? What if you wish there were more, not fewer reflective types in the world?” ― Susan Cain

“Indeed, your biggest challenge may be to fully harness your strengths. You may be so busy trying to appear like a zestful, reward-sensitive extrovert that you undervalue your own talents, or feel underestimated by those around you. But when you’re focused on a project that you care about, you probably find that your energy is boundless.” ― Susan Cain

“(Finland is a famously introverted nation. Finnish joke: How can you tell if a Finn likes you? He’s staring at your shoes instead of his own.)” ― Susan Cain

“Many Introverts are also “highly sensitive,” which sounds poetic, but is actually a technical term in psychology. If you are a sensitive sort, then you’re more apt than the average person to feel pleasantly overwhelmed by Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” or a well-turned phrase or an act of extraordinary kindness. You may be quicker than others to feel sickened by violence and ugliness, and you likely have a very strong conscience.” ― Susan Cain

“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. ” ― Susan Cain

“Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire.” ― Susan Cain

“We often marvel at how introverted, geeky, kid ‘blossom’ into secure and happy adults. We liken it to a metamorphosis. However, maybe it’s not the children who change but their environments. As adults they get to select the careers, spouses, and social circles that suit them. They don’t have to live in whatever culture they’er plunked into.” ― Susan Cain

“Naked lions are just as dangerous as elegantly dressed ones” ― Susan Cain

“Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute it. If this requires public speaking or networking or other activities that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. But accept that they’re difficult, get the training you need to make them easier, and reward yourself when you’re done.” ― Susan Cain

“The other thing Aron found about sensitive people is that sometimes they’re highly empathic. It’s as if they have thinner boundaries separating them from other people’s emotions and from the tragedies and cruelties of the world. They tend to have unusually strong consciences. … they’re acutely aware of the consequences of a lapse in their own behavior.” ― Susan Cain

“Theodor Geisel (otherwise known as Dr. Seuss) spent his workdays ensconced in his private studio, the walls lined with sketches and drawings, in a bell-tower outside his La Jolla, California, house. Geisel was a much more quiet man than his jocular rhymes suggest. He rarely ventured out in public to meet his young readership, fretting that kids would expect a merry, outspoken, Cat in the Hat–like figure, and would be disappointed with his reserved personality. “In mass, [children] terrify me,” he admitted.”
― Susan Cain

Quiet: The Power of Introverts

“There is no one more courageous than the person who speaks with the courage of his convictions. ” ― Susan Cain

“The same person who would never raise his hand in a lecture hall of two hundred people might blog to two thousand, or two million, without thinking twice. The same person who finds it difficult to introduce himself to strangers might establish a presence online and then extend these relationships into the real world.” ― Susan Cain

“Flow is an optimal state in which you feel totally engaged in an activity…In a state of flow, you’re neither bored nor anxious, and you don’t question your own adequacy. Hours pass without your noticing.” ― Susan Cain

“Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Jung, extroverts to the external life of people and activities. Introverts focus on the meaning they make of the events swirling around them; extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone; extroverts need to recharge when they don’t socialize enough. ” ― Susan Cain

“As a young boy, Charles Darwin made friends easily but preferred to spend his time taking long, solitary nature walks. (As an adult he was no different. “My dear Mr. Babbage,” he wrote to the famous mathematician who had invited him to a dinner party, “I am very much obliged to you for sending me cards for your parties, but I am afraid of accepting them, for I should meet some people there, to whom I have sworn by all the saints in Heaven, I never go out.”)” ― Susan Cain

“In fact, public speaking anxiety may be primal and quintessentially human, not limited to those of us born with a high-reactive nervous system. One theory, based on the writings of the sociobiologist E.O. Wilson, holds that when our ancestors lived on the savannah, being watched intently meant only one thing: a wild animal was stalking us. And when we think we’re about to be eaten, do we stand tall and hold forth confidently? No. We run. In other words, hundreds of thousands of years of evolution urge us to get the hell off the stage, where we can mistake the gaze of the spectators for the glint in a predator’s eye. ” ― Susan Cain

“Scores of studies have shown that venting doesn’t soothe anger; it fuels it.” ― Susan Cain

“It’s not that I’m so smart,” said Einstein, who was a consummate introvert. “It’s that I stay with problems longer.” ― Susan Cain

“Extroverts are more likely to take a quick-and-dirty approach to problem-solving, trading accuracy for speed, making increasing numbers of mistakes as they go, and abandoning ship altogether when the problem seems too difficult or frustrating. Introverts think before they act, digest information thoroughly, stay on task longer, give up less easily, and work more accurately. Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently: if you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past, and making plans for the future. The extroverts are more likely to focus on what’s happening around them. It’s as if extroverts are seeing “what is” while their introverted peers are asking “what if.” ― Susan Cain

“The pressure to entertain, to sell ourselves, and never to be visibly anxious keeps ratcheting up.” ― Susan Cain

“One noteworthy study suggests that people who suppress negative emotions tend to leak those emotions later in unexpected ways. The psychologist Judith Grob asked people to hide their emotions when she showed them disgusting images. She even had them hold pens in their mouths to prevent them from frowning. She found that this group reported feeling less disgusted by the pictures than did those who’d been allowed to react naturally. Later, however, the people who hid their emotions suffered side effects. Their memory was impaired, and the negative emotions they’d suppressed seemed to color their outlook. When Grob had them fill in the missing letter to the word “gr_ss”, for example, they were more likely than others to offer “gross” rather than “grass”. “People who tend to [suppress their negative emotions] regularly,” concludes Grob, “might start to see their world in a more negative light.” p. 223” ― Susan Cain

“Schwartz’s research suggests something important: we can stretch our personalities, but only up to a point. Our inborn temperaments influence us, regardless of the lives we lead. A sizeable part of who we are is ordained by our genes, by our brains, by our nervous systems. And yet the elasticity that Schwartz found in some of the high-reactive teens also suggests the converse: we have free will and can use it to shape our personalities.” ― Susan Cain

“Psychologists usually offer three explanations for the failure of group brainstorming. The first is social loafing: in a group, some individuals tend to sit back and let others do the work. The second is production blocking: only one person can talk or produce an idea at once, while the other group members are forced to sit passively. And the third is evaluation apprehension, meaning the fear of looking stupid in front of one’s peers.” ― Susan Cain

“[Dale] Carnegie’s metamorphosis from farm boy to sales man to public speaking icon is also the story of the rise of the Extrovert Ideal. Carnegie’s journey reflected a cultural evolution that reached a tipping going around the turn of the twentieth century, changing forever who we are and whom we admire, how we act at job interviews and what we look for in an employee, how we court out mates and raise out children. America had shifted from what the influential cultural historian Warren Susman called a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality — and opened up a Pandora’s Box of personal anxieties from which we would never quite recover.” ― Susan Cain

“…By 1920, popular self-help guides had changed their focus from inner virtue to outer charm — ‘to know what to say and how to say it,’ as one manual put it. ‘To create a personality is power,’ advised another. ‘Try in every way to have a ready command of the manners which make people think ‘he’s a mighty likable fellow,’ said a third.” — ibid. ― Susan Cain

“Americans also received advice on self-presentation — whether they liked it or not — from the advertising industry… ads focused obsessively on the hostile glare of the public spotlight. ‘All around you people are judging you silently.’ warned a 1922 ad for Woodbury’s soap. ‘Critical eyes are sizing you up right now,’ advised the Williams Shaving Cream company… In one ad for Dr. West’s toothbrushes, a prosperous-looking fellow sat behind a desk, his arm cocked confidently behind his hip, asking whether you’ve ‘Ever tried selling yourself to you? A favorable first impression is the greatest single factor in business or social success.” ― Susan Cain

“At the onset of the Culture of Personality, we were urged to develop an extroverted personality for frankly selfish reasons — as a way of outshining the crowd in a newly anonymous and competitive society. But nowadays we tend to think that becoming more extroverted not only makes us more successful, but also makes us better people. We see salesmanship as a way of sharing one’s gifts with the world.” ― Susan Cain

“The essence of HBS education is that leaders have to act confidently and make decisions in the face of incomplete information. The teaching method plats with an age-old question: If you don’t have all the facts — and often you won’t — should you wait to act until you’ve collected as much data as possible? Or, by hesitating, do you risk losing others’ trust and your own momentum? The answer isn’t obvious. If you speak firmly on the basis of bad information, you can lead your people into disaster. But if you exude uncertainty, then moral suffers, funders won’t invest, and your organization can collapse.” ― Susan Cain

“‘Socializing [at HBS]is an extreme sport,’ one of Don’s friends tells [the author]. ‘People go out all the time. If you don’t go out one night, the next day people will ask, ‘Where were you?’ I go out at night like it’s my job. ’ Don has noticed that the people who organize social events — happy hours, dinners, drinking fests — are at the top of the social hierarchy.” ― Susan Cain

“In the United States, [Don] feels, conversation is about how effective you are turning your experiences into stories, whereas a Chinese person might be concerned with taking up too much of the other person’s time with inconsequential information…” ― Susan Cain

“Even businesses that employ many artists, designers, and other imaginative types often display a preference for extroversion. ‘We want to attract creative people,’ the director of human resources at a major media company told me. When [the author] asked what she meant by ‘creative,’ she answered without missing a beat, ‘You have to be outgoing, fun, and jazzed up to work here.’” ― Susan Cain

“If we assume that quiet and loud people have roughly the same number of good (and bad) ideas, then we should worry if the louder and more forceful people always carry the day. This would mean that an awful log of bad ideas prevail while good ones get squashed. Yet studies in group dynamics suggest that this is exactly what happens…We also see talkers as leaders. The more a person talks, the more other group members direct their attention to [them], which means that [they] become increasingly more powerful as a meeting goes on. It also helps to speak fast; we rater quick talkers as more capable and appealing than slow talkers. All of this would be find if more talking were correlated with greater insight, but research [and common sense] suggests that there’s no such link.” ― Susan Cain

“We tend to overestimate how outgoing leaders need to be. ‘Most leading in a corporation is done in small meetings and it’s done at a distance, through written and video communications,’ Professor Mills told [the author]. ‘It’s not done in front of big groups.’” ― Susan Cain

“The lesson, says [management theorist, Jim Collins], is clear. We don’t need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.” ― Susan Cain

“[A respected U.S. Air Force Commander] wasn’t concerned with getting credit or even with being in charge; he simply assigned work to those who could perform it best. This meant delegating some of his most interesting, meaningful, and important tasks — work that other leaders would have kept for themselves.” ― Susan Cain

“I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee. If you’re that rare engineer who’s an inventor and also an artist, I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone. You’re going to be best able to design revolutionary products and features if you’re working on your own. Not on a committee. Not on a team.” — p.73–74 (from the autobiography of Steve Wozniak, iWoz) ― Susan Cain

“The cooperative approach has politically progressive roots — the theory is that students take ownership of their education when they learn from one another — but according to elementary school teachers in New York, Michigan, and Georgia, it also trains kids to express themselves in the team culture of corporate America. ‘This style of teaching reflects the business community, one fifth grade teacher in a Manhattan public school told [the author], ‘where people’s respect for others is based on their verbal abilities, not their originality or insight. You have to be someone who speaks well and calls attention to yourself. It’s an elitism based on something other than merit.’” ― Susan Cain

“What’s so magical about solitude? In many fields, [research psychologist, Anders] Ericsson told [the author], it’s only when you’re alone that you can engage in Deliberate Practice, which he has identified as the key to exceptional achievement. When you practice deliberately, you identify the tasks or knowledge that are just out of your reach, strive to upgrade your performance, monitor your progress, and revise accordingly. Practice sessions that fall short of this standard are not only less useful — they’re counterproductive. They reinforce existing cognitive mechanisms instead of improving them…. Only when you’re alone, Ericsson told [the author] can you ‘go directly to the part that’s challenging to you. If you want to improve what you’re doing, you have to be the one who generates the move.’” ― Susan Cain

“Indeed, excessive stimulation seems to impede learning: a recent study found that people learn better after a quiet stroll through the woods than after a noisy walk down a city street. Another study…found that the simple act of being interrupted is one of the biggest barriers to productivity.” ― Susan Cain

“…group brainstorming doesn’t actually work…Studies have shown that performance gets worse as group size increases…the one exception is online brainstorming…a worthy goal, so long as we understand that social glue, as opposed to creativity, is the principal benefit [of group brainstorming].” ― Susan Cain

3 reasons group brainstorming fails: (1) social loafing: in a group, some individuals tend to sit back and let others do the work. (2) production blockage: only one person can talk or produce an idea at once, while the other group members are forced to sit passively. (3) evaluation apprehension: self-consciousness in front of one’s peers. ― Susan Cain

“The way forward, [the author is] suggesting, is not to stop collaborating face-to-face, but to refine the way we do it. For on thing, we should actively seek out symbiotic introvert-extrovert relationships, in which leadership and other tasks are divided according to people’s natural strengths and temperaments… We also need to create settings in which people are free to circulate in a shifting kaleidoscope of interactions, and to disappear into their private workspaces when they want to focus or simply be alone.” ― Susan Cain

“Once you understand introversion and extroversion as preferences for certain levels of stimulation, you can begin consciously trying to situate yourself in environments favorable to your personality — neither overstimulating nor under-stimulating, neither boring nor anxiety — making. ” ― Susan Cain

“As Jung speculated almost a century ago about the two types, ‘the one [extroversion] consists in a high rate of fertility, with low powers of defense and short duration of life for the single individual; the other [introversion] consists in equipping the individual with numerous means of self-preservation plus a low fertility rate.’” ― Susan Cain

“A reward-sensitive person is highly motivated to seek rewards — from a promotion to a lottery jackpot to an enjoyable evening out with friends. Reward sensitivity motivates us to pursue goals like sex and money, social status and influence. It prompts us to climb ladders and reach for faraway branches in order to gather life’s choicest fruits. But sometimes we’re a little too sensitive to rewards. Reward sensitivity on overdrive gets people into all kinds of trouble. We can get so excited by the prospect of juicy prizes, like winning big in the stock market, that we take outsized risks and ignore obvious warning signals. ” ― Susan Cain

“What underlies all this reward-seeking? The key seems to be positive emotion. Extroverts tend to experience more pleasure and excitement than introverts do” ― Susan Cain

“‘Everyone assumes that it’s good to accentuate positive emotions, but that isn’t correct,’ the psychology professor Richard Howard told [the author], pointing to the example of soccer victories that end in violence and property damage. ‘A lot of antisocial and self-defeating behavior results from people who amplify positive emotions.’” ― Susan Cain

“Since the days of Aristotle, philosophers have observed that these two modes — approaching things that appear to give pleasure and avoiding others that seem to cause pain — lie at the heart of all human activity.” ― Susan Cain

“Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way. It’s up to you to use that independence to good effect…Introverts need to trust their gut and share their ideas as powerfully as they can…The trick for introverts is to honor their own styles instead of allowing themselves to be sept up by prevailing norms. ” ― Susan Cain

“‘Perhaps instead of trying to change their ways, colleges can learn to listen to their sound of silence.’ wrote Heejung Kim, a Stanford University cultural psychologist, in a paper arguing that talking is not always a positive act.” ― Susan Cain

“‘The contrast is striking,’ writes Michael Harris Bond, a cross-cultural psychologist who focuses on China. ‘The Americans emphasize sociability and prize those attributes that make for easy, cheerful association. The Chinese emphasize deeper attributes, focusing on moral virtues and achievement.’” ― Susan Cain

“If you live in a collective, then things will go a lot more smoothly if you behave with restraint, even submission…From a Western perspective, it can be hard to see what’s so attractive about submitting to the will of others. But what looks to a Westerner like subordination can seem like basic politeness to many Asians.” ― Susan Cain

“It’s because of relationship-honoring, for example, that social anxiety disorder in Japan, known as taijin kyofusho, takes the form not of excessive worry about embarrassing oneself, as it does in the United States, but of embarrassing others. ” ― Susan Cain

“‘In Asian cultures,’ [Communications coach, Professor Preston] Ni said, ‘there’s often a subtle way to get what you want. It’s not always aggressive, but it can be very determined and very skillful. in the end, much is achieved because of it. Aggressive power beats you up; soft power wins you over…’ ― Susan Cain

“[The author] has found that there are three key steps to identifying your own core personal projects: (1) think back to what you loved to do when you were a child. (2) pay attention to the work you gravitate to. (3) pay attention to what you envy.” ― Susan Cain

“‘Restorative niche’ is Professor Little’s term for the place you go when you want to return to your true self. It can be a physical place…or a temporal one…” ― Susan Cain

“When your conscientiousness impels you to take on more than you can handle,. you being to lose interest, even in tasks that normally engage you. You also risk your physical health. ‘Emotional labor,’ which is the effort we make to control and change our own emotions, is associated with stress, burnout, and even physical symptoms like an increase in cardiovascular disease. Professor Little believes that prolonged acting out of character may also increase autonomic nervous system activity, which can, in turn, compromise immune functioning.” ― Susan Cain

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

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The power of introverts. How to use your oddities to your advantage (Sylvia Loecken)

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How can an introvert become successful in the world of extroverts? When planning meetings seem like a living hell, when discussions with colleagues drive you into a stupor, and corporate parties deprive you of strength? Sylvia Lekken, one of the world's most renowned experts on extroversion and introversion, offers a set of simple techniques that not only make being around people comfortable, but also help turn the oddities of an introverted nature into tools for success.
In this book you will find:
• 10 advantages and 10 weaknesses of introverts;
• 6 crowd rules to help you deal with the stress of being in a crowd;
• 5 tips for raising an introverted child;
• 1 test to determine if you are an introvert or an extrovert.

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is it so bad to sit at home and not talk to anyone

In school, children are taught to do tasks in a group, in the university they have to perform a lot and interact with people, and team skills are highly valued at work. For extroverts, all this is completely normal, while for introverts it is stress and an extra reason for alarm. However, according to Susan Cain, author of Introverts. How to use the features of your character”, every third person you know is an introvert. In theory, this should tell us that striving for solitude is completely normal and natural, but for some reason society does not think so. We collected the main conclusions from the speech of Susan Cain, in which she talks about the advantages of introverts and why you should not be ashamed of your unwillingness to be a super communicative person.

Prejudice against introverts is deeply ingrained in our society: a child who prefers to play alone is sometimes judged by peers, and adults push him to be more social. As a result, from an early age we are forced to play by the rules of the world around us, which, oddly enough, is geared more towards extroverts: what are some universities with a large crowd of people or work offices with the open space format worth .

On the one hand, communication skills are certainly very important throughout life and are worth acquiring if only for the sake of not being left with nothing; on the other hand, is it worth overcoming yourself every time, renouncing the lifestyle that is close to you in order to gain more contacts, become the soul of absolutely any company, or choose noisy parties instead of a calm, quiet dinner with friends? Not really. By acting in a way that is not natural for us, we risk forgetting who we really are and building our lives around activities and people that are completely not close to us. However, introverts, even if mechanically, still often continue to leave their comfort zone where it is not necessary to do this, but all because of certain stereotypes.

What's wrong with introverts

The first reason people don't understand how introverts survive is that we don't fully understand how introversion actually works. Some mistakenly believe that it is no different from shyness, although these two traits reflect fundamentally different states of the human psyche. Shyness is the fear of social judgment, while introversion is how we respond to cues from our environment, including interacting with people. Back at 19In the 1920s, Carl Jung said that an introvert is a person who draws energy from within himself, and not from interacting with others. He also said that in fact there are no pure introverts and extroverts, otherwise they would have gone crazy a long time ago, so there is still such a thing as ambiversion, something between extraversion and introversion. But, one way or another, many of us, albeit to varying degrees, belong to one of two types.

Extroverts need a lot of stimuli in order to feel good, while introverts, on the contrary, are more comfortable being alone

The study also showed that, for example, in the process of communication, as well as in moments of winning, extroverts produce more dopamine than introverts. At the same time, the desire to limit contacts does not mean that the introvert will refuse to be part of the team or will not want to do his job, rather, on the contrary: he will approach more responsibly what is entrusted to him, pay attention to important details and complete the task better than the extrovert, which is often (but by no means always) sprayed into several cases at the same time.

The second reason why introverts are misunderstood and sometimes even condemned is the belief that creativity and productivity are only possible when jobs are tightly clustered. Accordingly, people who find it easier to find solutions and offer ideas when they are calm and alone are perceived as outcasts, and introverted children also become difficult to educate, although they simply do not want to work in a group.

Many teachers describe the ideal student as an extrovert, which is ironic since introverts tend to be more well-read and get better grades. One study confirmed that the prefrontal cortex of introverts is thicker than that of extroverts, indicating depth of thought and a tendency to plan.

According to Susan Cain, introverts also rarely become leaders, which is not good, because due to the desire to plan work and life in general, they are less impulsive, and therefore not prone to thoughtless risk taking and emotional decision making. A study by Professor Adam Grant of the Wharton Business School showed that introverts can be good leaders for active and independent workers who do not need to be inspired or motivated to take initiative. An introvert leader can listen carefully and delegate complex interesting tasks to other employees, while an extrovert is more likely to “suffocate” with his presence, activity and unintentional inspiration with his own ideas.

Or are they okay?

The fact that introverts make up 30-50% of the population already suggests that being less social than other people is not at all ashamed, because it does not affect whether you will be successful in your career or personal life. Mark Zuckerberg, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffett and many other world famous personalities positioned themselves as introverts, and Bill Gates once said in one of his public speeches: "If you are smart, you can find advantages in your introversion."

Charles Darwin spent a lot of time alone in the woods and refused dinner parties with enviable regularity, and Theodor Geisel, known as Dr. Seuss, a children's book author and cartoonist, invented many of his characters while sitting in the backyard of his house in California. He also avoided meeting children who read his books, because he was afraid that he would not live up to their expectations and would turn out to be too ordinary, reserved person for them.

Edition The Hustle interviewed introverts who are in leadership positions and here is how these people describe their introversion:

"An introvert is someone who prefers isolation... Someone who is not necessarily asocial, but someone who excels at internal work processes" - David Acosta, co-founder of Rebel PR

"I feel refreshed and rejuvenated when I can spend time in silence on a regular basis" - Dan Purcell, co-founder of Ever in Touch

"Being an introvert doesn't mean you're a loser or socially awkward person, it just means you need to be alone when others want to be with people." - Kevin Pasco, co-founder of Nested Naturals

In other words, introversion is not a signal that a person lacks social skills; it is likely that he has them in abundance, but he simply does not want to interact with others as often as extroverts do. Of course, you need to cooperate, otherwise the union of introvert Steve Wozniak and extrovert Steve Jobs would not have arisen, but being alone is very valuable in itself, and for some it is also vital.

3 tips for introverts and more

Stop forcing group work on people

Effective work can only be achieved by creating an easy and relaxed communication style for each employee. Meeting and sharing ideas, solutions is good for both extroverts and introverts, but by putting too much emphasis on working together, we forget to pay due attention to personal life, freedom and independence. Similarly in schools, we must teach children to communicate and solve problems together, but in the same way we must teach them to think for themselves.

Be alone with nature

Of course, you don't have to renounce social life and start building yourself a hut in the depths of the forest, but it won't be superfluous to periodically disconnect from the outside world in order to be alone with yourself, your feelings and thoughts.

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