Ptsd from a breakup
Did Your Worst Breakup Change You?
Thousands of people grieving months or years after a devastating breakup leave voicemails as part of a new podcast.
The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. These powerful first-person stories explore the many reasons and ways we experience grief and navigate a new normal.
A few years after Hurricane Katrina, Oliver Blank, an artist, designer, and musician, was living in New Orleans. In the Bywater neighborhood where remnants of the storm’s devastation remained, Blank recalls walking by a wall and seeing the words “What would you say to the one who got away?” written in beautiful cursive. Struck by the question, he jotted it down in a notebook.
In 2014, Blank was approached by Sarah Urist Green to create an interactive art project for “The Art Assignment,” a weekly digital production on PBS that’s hosted by Green. Recalling the phrase he saw on the wall in New Orleans, Blank had an idea: People would call a phone number, leaving a message with their answer to the question, “What would you say to the one who got away?”
“We expected a few hundred calls, but we received thousands of messages from callers all around the world,” Blank says. Hearing callers’ emotional messages, Blank felt responsible to share more of their stories.
In May, he turned the art project into a podcast, “The One Who Got Away,” and even composed music to accompany each episode.
While the callers leave emotional messages about various types of loss, grief grips most of them as they struggle with how to say goodbye to a lost love.
“You were the one, the one that got away. My perfect man. And someone’s going to get to spend the rest of their lives looking up to your beautiful face. And it won’t be me.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
Going through a breakup can be traumatic. Similar to other traumas, like the death of a loved one, breakups can cause overwhelming and long-lasting grief. But how do we mourn these losses, especially when the person may still pop up on social media or be connected with friends or co-workers?
Before each episode of the podcast, Blank addresses these existential questions.
In the second episode, he talks about the meaning of goodbyes and says, “All we ever have is the memory of our time with each other.” He also reflects on his own heartache, sharing that he pushed away the person he loved the most.
Healthline sat down with Blank and asked him how the podcast helps callers process breakup grief.
Similar to death, we can carry the grief of breakups with us for months, even years.
Around Episode 3 of the podcast, my long-term partner broke up with me. Working on the podcast heightened the experience of what I was going through. I felt a deep loss. I was disconnected, and my grief was amplified. What helped was hearing the messages that callers had left. It reminded me that others had gone through something similar.
When people talk about a breakup, they often use the same language as when someone dies. I think it’s because we have a relatively limited range of words for communication when it comes to loss.
But the podcast illuminated that even if people are deeply wounded and feel broken, they survive.
“Every night you’re in my dreams, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to wake up.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
Often, with a breakup and when someone dies, we look for closure because we’re uncomfortable with sadness. In this way, the losses are similar.
We’re losing someone who was embedded in our life. We no longer wake up to see this person’s face beside us in the morning. We can no longer call this person to chat for a few moments in a busy day. Anniversaries take on a new, potent significance. And you may never again visit the places you shared together.
But with a breakup, the suffering can be magnified in a particular way, because you know the other person is still out there somewhere. In turn, we can be drawn to dwell on how our lost love is living without us.
“You’re the first and only person that I’ve ever been in love with, and I’m scared that I’ll never feel that way again. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget about you.I can’t.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
My therapist once advised me not to check my ex’s social media feed.
Even when a relationship ends, whether it’s a distant friendship or an intimate partnership, the digital footprint remains. Our feeds become a representation of the person we lost. And yet, in reality, we’re seeing only a curated glimpse of their life. From that glimpse we weave fantasies, believing that our narratives are true.
“It’s been a year, and I can’t see myself with anyone else. I believe that love comes around once in a lifetime and when it’s gone, it’s gone. I want to hate you for doing this to me. But I can’t.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
“The One Who Got Away” can be a sort of catharsis for callers and listeners alike. People can call the number, 718-395-7556, and answer the question, “What would you say to the one who got away?”
When they call, there’s often a kind of sharing that’s free and direct.
Callers forget about the construct, about me, the show, and the listeners. They tend to speak directly to their one who got away. It’s raw, honest, and emotional. I believe I often hear a relief and release by the end of the call.
I’ve heard from subscribers that “The One Who Got Away” is very different to other podcasts. It’s not something to listen to while running or walking the dog. I wouldn’t mind if it were, but I’ve heard that the show asks a little more of the listener. Even though it’s only 25 minutes long, it’s deeply evocative.
People message me about being moved to tears listening to each episode. Others create artworks and poetry as a response. And then there are some who are slowly working up the courage to call and leave their own message.
Want to read more stories from people navigating a new normal as they encounter unexpected, life-changing, and sometimes taboo moments of grief? Check out the full series here.
Share on Pinterest
Juli Fraga is a licensed psychologist based in San Francisco. She graduated with a PsyD from University of Northern Colorado and attended a postdoctoral fellowship at UC Berkeley. Passionate about women’s health, she approaches all her sessions with warmth, honesty, and compassion. See what she’s up to on Twitter.
Did Your Worst Breakup Change You?
Thousands of people grieving months or years after a devastating breakup leave voicemails as part of a new podcast.
The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. These powerful first-person stories explore the many reasons and ways we experience grief and navigate a new normal.
A few years after Hurricane Katrina, Oliver Blank, an artist, designer, and musician, was living in New Orleans. In the Bywater neighborhood where remnants of the storm’s devastation remained, Blank recalls walking by a wall and seeing the words “What would you say to the one who got away?” written in beautiful cursive.
Struck by the question, he jotted it down in a notebook.
In 2014, Blank was approached by Sarah Urist Green to create an interactive art project for “The Art Assignment,” a weekly digital production on PBS that’s hosted by Green. Recalling the phrase he saw on the wall in New Orleans, Blank had an idea: People would call a phone number, leaving a message with their answer to the question, “What would you say to the one who got away?”
“We expected a few hundred calls, but we received thousands of messages from callers all around the world,” Blank says. Hearing callers’ emotional messages, Blank felt responsible to share more of their stories.
In May, he turned the art project into a podcast, “The One Who Got Away,” and even composed music to accompany each episode.
While the callers leave emotional messages about various types of loss, grief grips most of them as they struggle with how to say goodbye to a lost love.
“You were the one, the one that got away.My perfect man. And someone’s going to get to spend the rest of their lives looking up to your beautiful face. And it won’t be me.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
Going through a breakup can be traumatic. Similar to other traumas, like the death of a loved one, breakups can cause overwhelming and long-lasting grief. But how do we mourn these losses, especially when the person may still pop up on social media or be connected with friends or co-workers?
Before each episode of the podcast, Blank addresses these existential questions. In the second episode, he talks about the meaning of goodbyes and says, “All we ever have is the memory of our time with each other.” He also reflects on his own heartache, sharing that he pushed away the person he loved the most.
Healthline sat down with Blank and asked him how the podcast helps callers process breakup grief.
Similar to death, we can carry the grief of breakups with us for months, even years.
Around Episode 3 of the podcast, my long-term partner broke up with me.
Working on the podcast heightened the experience of what I was going through. I felt a deep loss. I was disconnected, and my grief was amplified. What helped was hearing the messages that callers had left. It reminded me that others had gone through something similar.
When people talk about a breakup, they often use the same language as when someone dies. I think it’s because we have a relatively limited range of words for communication when it comes to loss.
But the podcast illuminated that even if people are deeply wounded and feel broken, they survive.
“Every night you’re in my dreams, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to wake up.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
Often, with a breakup and when someone dies, we look for closure because we’re uncomfortable with sadness. In this way, the losses are similar.
We’re losing someone who was embedded in our life. We no longer wake up to see this person’s face beside us in the morning.
We can no longer call this person to chat for a few moments in a busy day. Anniversaries take on a new, potent significance. And you may never again visit the places you shared together.
But with a breakup, the suffering can be magnified in a particular way, because you know the other person is still out there somewhere. In turn, we can be drawn to dwell on how our lost love is living without us.
“You’re the first and only person that I’ve ever been in love with, and I’m scared that I’ll never feel that way again. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget about you. I can’t.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
My therapist once advised me not to check my ex’s social media feed.
Even when a relationship ends, whether it’s a distant friendship or an intimate partnership, the digital footprint remains. Our feeds become a representation of the person we lost. And yet, in reality, we’re seeing only a curated glimpse of their life. From that glimpse we weave fantasies, believing that our narratives are true.
“It’s been a year, and I can’t see myself with anyone else. I believe that love comes around once in a lifetime and when it’s gone, it’s gone. I want to hate you for doing this to me. But I can’t.” — A caller on “The One Who Got Away”
“The One Who Got Away” can be a sort of catharsis for callers and listeners alike. People can call the number, 718-395-7556, and answer the question, “What would you say to the one who got away?”
When they call, there’s often a kind of sharing that’s free and direct. Callers forget about the construct, about me, the show, and the listeners. They tend to speak directly to their one who got away. It’s raw, honest, and emotional. I believe I often hear a relief and release by the end of the call.
I’ve heard from subscribers that “The One Who Got Away” is very different to other podcasts. It’s not something to listen to while running or walking the dog. I wouldn’t mind if it were, but I’ve heard that the show asks a little more of the listener.
Even though it’s only 25 minutes long, it’s deeply evocative.
People message me about being moved to tears listening to each episode. Others create artworks and poetry as a response. And then there are some who are slowly working up the courage to call and leave their own message.
Want to read more stories from people navigating a new normal as they encounter unexpected, life-changing, and sometimes taboo moments of grief? Check out the full series here.
Share on Pinterest
Juli Fraga is a licensed psychologist based in San Francisco. She graduated with a PsyD from University of Northern Colorado and attended a postdoctoral fellowship at UC Berkeley. Passionate about women’s health, she approaches all her sessions with warmth, honesty, and compassion. See what she’s up to on Twitter.
Where and how to get a loan secured by the title of a car in Novosibirsk?
The most popular option today is a loan secured by a car or its PTS.
Photo: Ivan MAKEEV
Modern life is energetic, fast-paced and unpredictable. Today we are planning a major purchase, treatment, an unforgettable trip or the launch of an expensive project, and tomorrow we may abandon our intentions due to the lack of the required amount. How to act in this situation and accomplish what was planned, avoiding the difficult collection of numerous documents? Exit - a loan on bail! The most popular option today is a loan secured by a car or its title.
This type of loan allows you to receive up to 90% of the value of the vehicle on the day of application after assessing the market value of the vehicle by an expert.
Who is eligible for a loan secured by Title in Novosibirsk? What is needed to complete it?
A loan secured by a car or its title can be issued by owners of a vehicle who are at least 18 years old at the time of the transaction. For registration, you need a certificate of registration of the vehicle, its title and owner's passport.
Passenger cars and commercial vehicles produced in Russia and abroad can act as collateral.
For those who do not want to leave the car in a financial institution, a loan secured by a title is suitable, which does not involve parting with your “iron friend”. This condition is especially important for those who have a car as a source of income.
How is the car appraised, how much can I get and what documents are drawn up?
The company's experts assess the condition of the car and its market value, and then offer the loan amount. The better the condition of the car, the greater the amount. A loan secured by a title can reach 50% of the value of the vehicle, a loan secured by a car - up to 80%.
Based on the submitted documents, a pledge agreement is drawn up for the car. After the lawyer draws up the necessary papers, draws up a payment schedule and signs the contract, the client is issued a loan secured by a car or title.
The borrower has:
► loan agreement;
► a document confirming the receipt of a sum of money;
► a document confirming the transfer of the car (acceptance certificate).
The loan amount is specified in the agreement; what served as a pledge - in our case, a car; conditions in which the car will be stored and the loan repayment period.
The act describes in detail the condition of the car at the time of delivery of the vehicle, its mileage and existing damage.
How much will the overpayment on a secured loan in Novosibirsk be?
The average interest rate is from 4% per month, that is, about 48% per year. When deciding on a loan secured by a car, you need to understand that the future financial situation should allow you to repay the debt in a timely manner, along with accrued interest. Otherwise, the mortgage car will be put up for auction.
What are the guarantees for a car loan in Novosibirsk?
Transaction transparency is guaranteed by the documents accompanying the issuance of a loan secured by a car or title. According to the law regulating the activities of credit institutions, a pledge car must be stored in an equipped area, protected from negative influences.
Third party interactions with the vehicle are prohibited.
Where can I get money secured by a title or a car in Novosibirsk?
Transparency of the transaction, high-level service and optimal conditions are offered by Assistance Finance Group LLC. Highly qualified specialists of the company will select the most comfortable conditions for repayment of the loan, while requesting the minimum number of documents. It is possible to obtain a loan secured by a car, secured by title and secured by real estate. The lender is popular among Novosibirsk residents and has a good reputation.
Fill out an application for a secured loan right now!
Transparency of the transaction, high-level service and optimal conditions are offered by Assistance Finance Group LLC.
MCC Office of Assistance Finance Group LLC:
st. Kamenskaya, 51
tel. 8-800-350-46-69 (toll-free)
Follow us on social media networks:
VKontakte group: www.
vk.com/finance.help.group
Facebook group: facebook.com/promotion.finance.group
Odnoklassniki group: ok.ru/sfgroup
Instagram: instagram.com/zaim.pod.zalog
Twitter: twitter.com/FinanceAssist
Telegram chat: t.me/financehelpgroup
Telegram channel: t.me/business_finance
Work six days a week: Mon-Fri - from 9:00 to 18:00, Sat - from 9:00 to 16:00
As an advertisement
Supervision of the activities of Assistance Finance Group is carried out by the Central Bank of the Russian Federation. Certificate of registration in the register of microfinance organizations No. 2120754001764.
how to safely take money on the security of a car and where can it be done?
A loan is a real salvation for many people. Sometimes it becomes necessary to buy something expensive, while in conditions of inflation it is quite difficult to accumulate the necessary amount for the purchase. Banks issue small consumer loans without any collateral, but if you need a more substantial amount, express loans are unlikely to help.
For such cases, there is an auto loan - a loan product that allows you to get money secured by a car.
Car loans are provided by car pawnshops and many banks. The procedure for obtaining such a loan is almost the same everywhere, however, in a car pawnshop, it is somewhat easier to take money secured by a car. For example, car pawnshops do not require registration data and a certificate of income from work. You just need to present a passport, a car and all the necessary documents for it. The loan is issued very quickly - an auto pawnshop expert evaluates the car, then, if the terms and amount of the loan suit you, the notary draws up a power of attorney for the pawnshop employee, you sign all the necessary documents and receive money in your hands, and the car is sent to the company's guarded parking lot. After you pay off the loan, both the car and the power of attorney will be returned to you.
Is it possible to keep the car with you?
Most companies issue a loan secured by a car only on the condition that the car remains with them for the entire term of the loan.
Recently, however, some car pawnshops have begun to offer a new service - a loan secured by a technical equipment passport. An auto loan under the title is very convenient - you get the money and at the same time no one forces you to part with your car. Of course, there are some restrictions - in order to take such a loan, you will need some additional documents - for example, in addition to the borrower's passport, vehicle registration certificate and car registration certificate, you may be asked for a second identity document (driver's license, passport or certificate state pension insurance), as well as a certificate from the place of work, which confirms your continuous length of service. In addition, such loans are issued only to car owners who have Russian citizenship. Some credit organizations also limit the age of borrowers.
How much can I expect and how big is the overpayment?
On average, the maximum loan amount is approximately 80-85% of the assessed value of the car in the case of a pledge, or 50-70% in case of a pledge of the title.
The size of the loan is determined individually, the condition of the car and its age, as well as the interest rate on the loan, play a significant role.
Each bank or car pawnshop has its own percentage, on average loan rates range from 4% to 10% per month. You can get money secured by a car for a period of 1 day to 1 year.
For which car can I get an auto loan?
Almost for any car that has value. Each bank and car pawnshop has its own rules, many of them do not issue loans for old domestically produced vehicles. At the same time, in a car pawnshop you can take money on the security of not only a car, but also other vehicles: a motorcycle, a boat, construction equipment, a bus and even a wagon - in a word, almost any vehicle.
Security: how to protect yourself from scammers?
You can ensure security by applying for a car loan from a reputable company. Before accepting the vehicle, a detailed act of acceptance and transfer of the car is drawn up, which indicates the mileage, technical condition and appearance of the body.
This information is recorded in an official document, and upon receipt of the car after the loan is repaid, you must verify the data.
It is important to take into account that in serious organizations all cars left as collateral are waiting for the owners in special guarded parking lots and are insured for the entire loan term at the expense of the organization providing the loan.
The owner of the vehicle can come to the parking lot at any time and check if everything is in order with his property.
Many people are afraid of getting scammed when applying for a car loan. In order not to risk, contact only large organizations with an extensive network of branches. Pay attention to official documents allowing the company to conduct such activities - certificates, certificates and other papers.
A good car pawnshop will provide you with them upon request. Feel free to ask a member of staff to show you around the parking lot so you can judge the level of security and the number of cars for yourself.
