Psychological effects of body shaming
Body Shaming - HelpGuide.org
teen issues
Hearing negative comments about your appearance can impact your body image and leave you feeling anxious, embarrassed, and self-conscious. But there are ways to manage critical comments and achieve body acceptance.
What is body shaming?
Body shaming involves humiliating someone by making inappropriate or negative comments about their body size or shape. As well as “fat shaming,” you may also hear negative comments if you’re underweight or in reference to a specific body part.
This type of criticism can be made to others or yourself. You may feel unhappy with your weight or how your body looks and judge yourself harshly. You may even engage in negative self-talk, such as “I feel so fat today” or “I need to stop stuffing my face with food.”
The act of body shaming can be carried out in person or remotely via the internet and social media and can be done by your parents, siblings, friends, or people you’re not even close to.
Even in a joking manner, remarks about what you eat or how much food you consume constitutes body shaming. Giving someone advice about dieting or praising weight loss is also considered body shaming, whether intentional or not. Often, your friends and family members don’t want to hurt your feelings, but their comments can still be of a critical nature. They may not realize the negative effect that questions like “Have you lost weight?” or “Do you really need to eat all of that?” can have.
While nobody is immune to societal pressures to look a certain way, comments about your body are unnecessary in any context. Whether the body shaming is being done by yourself or others, there are ways to overcome the problem, build body positivity, and learn to look at yourself in a more compassionate and realistic way.
Causes of body shaming
Our “selfie” culture emphasizes outward beauty and we’re constantly bombarded with images of glamourous celebrities in magazines, advertisements, TV shows, and other types of media.
What you see every day on TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram can understandably make you feel envious of others or focus your thinking on your physical appearance and any perceived flaws. You may struggle to live up to these standards and experience negative feelings and judgements about yourself. This can become destructive when it diminishes your self-worth and body image.
A fixation with how you look can create unrealistic expectations that are impossible to achieve. Even when you know that these idealized images are digitally altered or enhanced, it’s easy to fall into the trap of unfavorably comparing yourself—or others.
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Body shaming in teens
Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to body shaming, weight shaming, and appearance-based shaming. In the teen years, your attitudes and beliefs about body image and self-esteem are largely influenced by your family members, peers, and social media. Mothers can often be role models for their daughters, for example. If your mother is continually complaining about her own shape or weight, or pointing out problems in how you look or eat, it’s bound to have an impact on how you view yourself.
As you develop during adolescence, it’s normal to be highly sensitive to comments about body shape, weight, and appearance. Weight-related bullying during adolescence contributes to negative body perceptions and preoccupations with specific body parts. Adolescents who are overweight are particularly vulnerable, and this can often lead to depression.
You might think that only teenage girls are the victims of body shaming, but boys can also be affected.
They may be particularly concerned about not being muscular enough in relationship to the popular concept of masculinity.
Effects of body shaming
Even supermodels and prima ballerinas have insecurities and imperfections, but we still tend to perceive them to be the ultimate representations of beauty. If you don’t measure up to these standards, you may feel inadequate and unworthy. And if you experience body shaming by others and take their negative comments to heart, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors and mental health problems, such as:
Eating Disorders
Having a negative body image is one of the main factors for developing disordered eating or an eating disorder, such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating.
You may start a diet that involves restrictive eating in an attempt to change your body shape or size. But such dieting can spiral into harmful behaviors like skipping meals, fasting, vomiting after eating, excessive exercising, or overusing laxatives.
Over time, you end up depriving your body and brain of essential nutrients that are necessary for optimal health.
Body shaming comments such as “Did you lose weight? You look so much better,” can be triggering and create more disordered eating habits in an attempt to maintain or lose even more weight.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
Experiencing body-shaming can interfere with your self-image and make you feel extremely self-conscious. This can escalate into body dysmorphic disorder, where you become obsessed with a perceived appearance flaw that can create repeated avoidance behaviors.
Your daily life can become consumed with concerns about a small flaw, or one that is not apparent to others. You may constantly look at yourself in the mirror or avoid mirrors altogether, conceal body parts you don’t like, pick at your skin, or frequently ask others if you look okay.
If you are constantly ashamed of your body, it can also impair your performance at school and interfere with your relationships with peers, teachers, and family members.
Fears about being judged by others may cause you to limit or avoid social activities.
[Read: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)]
Severe symptoms of BDD can result in you dropping out of school because you’re unable to cope with the constant level of distress. You may even develop depression or suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
Excessive Exercising
Being physically active is normally one of the best things you can do for your health and well-being. However, if it becomes an addiction and you engage in compulsive exercising, it can lead to persistent fatigue, injuries, and susceptibility to illness or trigger anxiety, depression, or irritability.
If you are exercising compulsively, you may also start to withdraw from social situations as exercise becomes your main focus. Excessive exercising can progress into a syndrome called Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport (RED-S) which occurs when your calorie intake is not sufficient for the amount of energy you are expending to maintain healthy functioning.
Anxiety and depression
Body shaming can trigger or worsen existing symptoms of anxiety and depression. If you are body-shamed in public or on social media, you may try to avoid going to school or other situations where this shaming might occur. You may withdraw from others and feel isolated and alone.
Hearing critical comments about your appearance can also be humiliating, heighten your insecurities, and damage your self-esteem. Consequently, you may engage in negative self-talk as you internalize these feelings of worthlessness. You may tell yourself things like “I am a bad person” or “I am completely worthless.” This can escalate into extreme loneliness, depression, anxiety, and poor body image.
Physical Health Issues
Fat shaming, in particular, is rampant in our society as obesity is associated with being lazy, unattractive, and lacking willpower to lose weight. In one study, over 70% of adolescents reported being bullied about their weight in the past few years.
This can be harmful to your physical as well as psychological health.
Rather than being a motivating factor for losing weight, fat shaming actually has the opposite effect. The stress has been linked to a reduction in physical activity and the consumption of more calories.
[Read: Childhood Obesity and Weight Problems]
Being the target of weight bias and discrimination can also affect your metabolism, lead to further weight gain, and increase your chances of becoming obese. This in turn can elevate the risk factors for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, type-2 diabetes, and other physical health problems.
How to turn body shaming into body positivity
In recent years, there has been an effort to reverse the body shaming emphasis and promote more love and acceptance of how we look. Social media platforms have utilized body positivity hashtags to gain more followers and help address the appearance-based prejudices that have been ingrained in us.
Of course, it will take time to change longstanding ideals of beauty. We have all internalized these messages in different ways based upon our cultural beliefs and norms. As the saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and this also holds true for our views about various body shapes and sizes.
How to build body positivity
Body positivity is a continuous journey towards accepting yourself and others. It takes patience and practice to alter longstanding cultural beliefs and learn self-compassion. You can’t control what others say or do, but you can change your all-or-nothing thinking and start to view yourself as a whole person.
Following these basic steps can help you overcome body shaming and build body positivity:
- Cultivate self-love.
- Replace negative self-talk.
- Manage your time spent on social media.
- Make friends with food.
- Reach out to someone you trust for guidance and support.
Turn body shaming into body positivity tip 1: Cultivate self-love
The first steps to protecting yourself from body shaming are to stop body-shaming yourself and develop self-compassion.
Remember that your health status takes priority over your physical appearance, and that should always be your primary concern.
Don’t hide or isolate yourself from others. We all have days when we don’t look or feel our best, but don’t let this destroy your self-esteem or sense of worth. Take a step back and think about the critical inner dialog you are imposing on yourself. Is this really an accurate representation of who you are? Say “no” to yourself when you’re looking in the mirror and feeling disgust for your face or your body.
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a best friend. Taking care of yourself is not a selfish act; it’s necessary for your personal well-being. Exercise, eat healthy food, enjoy the company of people who care about you, and spend some time outdoors to refresh your body and your mind.
Manage stress. Experiencing body shaming can be extremely stressful. Relaxation techniques such as exercise, meditation, and deep breathing exercises are all good ways to build resilience and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by negative experiences.
[Read: Stress Management]
Embrace the power of your body. Our bodies serve us well on a daily basis to function effectively and keep us healthy. Rather than being upset about your appearance, express gratitude for this “sacred vessel” you inhabit. Take notice of simple things you often take for granted, such as breathing, blood pumping to the heart, and your miraculous senses. The most important thing you can do is strive for a healthy body, which is separate from your feelings about your weight and desire for perfection.
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Tip 2: Replace negative self-talk
While you can’t control what others say about you, you do have the power to focus on the positive aspects of yourself, rather than dwelling on any perceived flaws. Learning to accept your own imperfections will ultimately free you from placing unfair judgments on yourself or others.
Replacing negative self-talk with positive thoughts and affirmations can be useful for making you feel better about yourself and your body.
Shift your focus to the things that you like about yourself. For example, if you have beautiful hair or eyes, this is just as important as the features you dislike or that others try to ridicule. The next time you look in the mirror, notice these positive attributes.
Instead of repeating negative messages, accept yourself without criticism. You can tell yourself: “I accept my body just as it is,” or “My body is strong and healthy.”
Be proud of your individuality. Your value as a human being is worth much more than your physical body. Remembering the positive qualities that you bring to the world is the foundation for attaining body acceptance.
Start off with body neutrality. If you’re not quite ready to embrace body positivity, work towards having body neutrality. That means you are accepting and respectful of your body, without having to either love or hate it. When you practice body neutrality, you place the emphasis on what your body can do, rather than what your body looks like.
For example, you can remind yourself: “My legs enable me to walk and run long distances.”
Don’t body shame others
Research shows that when you promote body positivity to others, you also feel more positively about your own body. Surround yourself with people who are courteous and treat others with respect. Avoid bullies who engage in body shaming and talk about the flaws of others.
Establish boundaries with your circle of friends and make it clear that you will not tolerate comments about your body or weight. You can also set an example by standing up for others who are the targets of body shaming.
Spending too much time on social media can add to your anxiety, loneliness, and body dissatisfaction, reinforce unrealistic expectations of yourself, and expose you to body shaming and cyberbullying.
[Read: Social Media and Mental Health]
If you reduce your time on social media, you will be able to participate in other activities that elevate your mood and tap into your creative potential.
Try:
Connecting to others in-person. Cutting down or stepping away from social media can give you an opportunity to connect in-person and improve the quality of your social interactions. Communicating face-to-face is nature’s antidote to stress and can be a lot more rewarding than texting or messaging.
Physical activities like walking, running, swimming, dancing, and other fun sports. Being active is important for your overall health and well-being and can help increase your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of accomplishment.
Practicing mindfulness through yoga, meditation, deep breathing, or journaling.
Tip 4: Make friends with food
If you are shamed or ashamed about your weight, it’s easy to develop an unhealthy attitude towards food. Mindful eating can help you remember that food is not the enemy and whatever your weight, you can still find enjoyment in eating.
To make friends with food and eat more mindfully:
- Tune out all distractions while you’re eating, such as phones, TV, and other types of multitasking in order to enrich this pleasant experience.
- By concentrating on the present moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings, you can savor each bite, eat slowly, and respond to your body’s needs.
- Planning nutritious meals ahead of time or trying out new recipes are other great ways to make friends with food.
Tip 5: Reach out to someone you trust
You may feel embarrassed about confiding in someone about the body shaming you’re experiencing, but there’s no reason you have to handle this on your own. Reach out to others for guidance and support and let them know what you have been experiencing.
It’s crucial to find someone you trust and feel comfortable sharing your feelings with. Having a safe outlet to express your emotions can help you cope with the distress and humiliation of being body shamed.
If you need additional assistance in the recovery process, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with a licensed mental health counselor or therapist. They can offer unbiased advice to help you feel more empowered and heal from the effects of body shaming.
How to help a loved one with body shaming
If a friend or loved one is being body shamed by others, your compassion and understanding can be invaluable.
Let them know you are concerned and how much you care about them. You can say, “I feel worried that you are always talking about your weight,” or “I feel sad when you speak negatively about your appearance.”
Be patient and listen to their concerns. Don’t assume that you know what your loved one needs, but rather ask how you can best support them. They may just want a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to their worries without judgment.
Try to shift the focus away from your loved one’s body to something else you admire about them. For example, you can remind them about their wonderful sense of humor, how smart they are, their adventurous spirit, or highlight a particular talent they have.
If your child has been body shamed
It can be extremely hurtful to learn that your child or teenager has been body shamed.
But like any bullying or cyberbullying behavior, there are steps you can take to deal with the problem—or even help prevent it before it starts.
Educate your child about body shaming. Let them know that people can sometimes be cruel to each other and how your child should value and respect both themselves and others. Remind them that body shaming in any form is unacceptable.
Talk to your child’s teachers or school administrators if the problem is occurring at school.
Encourage your child to seek new friends if their current ones are engaging in body shaming. Enrolling in sports teams, youth clubs, and after-school activities are great ways for your child to expand their social circle.
Be a good role model. Speak positively about your own body and catch yourself if you say something negative about your own appearance. Try to use body-positive or body-neutral language to set a healthy example.
Reduce the time your child spends on social media.
Be aware of what your child is posting and reading about on social media platforms. The more you know about your child’s life online, the sooner you’ll be able to identify and address any body shaming issues.
Reassure your child. Let your child know that you love them unconditionally for both their inner and outer beauty. Refrain from criticizing or teasing a child or teenager about their appearance, even in jest.
Encourage a healthy lifestyle that nurtures your child’s body—but keep the subjects of appearance, weight, and dieting out of the discussion. Focus instead on what your child’s body is capable of. Remind them how well their body serves to help them run, jump, draw, play a musical instrument, or solve puzzles.
Bolster your child’s self-esteem and resilience through exercise and creative endeavors. Having them involved in team sports, volunteer organizations, or group activities can help build self-confidence and improve social skills.
Physical activity can also help to relieve anxiety and stress and boost your child's mood.
Authors: Alice E. Schluger, Ph.D.
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Gam, Rahul, Shivendra Singh, Manish Manar, Sujita Kar, and Abhishek Gupta. “Body Shaming among School-Going Adolescents: Prevalence and Predictors.
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Voelker, Dana K, Justine J Reel, and Christy Greenleaf. “Weight Status and Body Image Perceptions in Adolescents: Current Perspectives.” Adolescent Health, Medicine and Therapeutics 6 (August 25, 2015): 149–58. https://doi.org/10.2147/AHMT.S68344
Weingarden, Hilary, Keith D. Renshaw, Eliza Davidson, and Sabine Wilhelm. “Relative Relationships of General Shame and Body Shame with Body Dysmorphic Phenomenology and Psychosocial Outcomes.” Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders 14 (July 2017): 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2017.04.003
BDD. “Suicidality in BDD.
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Clark, Olivia, Matthew M. Lee, Muksha Luxmi Jingree, Erin O’Dwyer, Yiyang Yue, Abrania Marrero, Martha Tamez, Shilpa N. Bhupathiraju, and Josiemer Mattei. “Weight Stigma and Social Media: Evidence and Public Health Solutions.” Frontiers in Nutrition 8 (2021). https://www.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fnut.2021.739056
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Y. S. (2021). Mindfulness-based interventions: An overall review. British Medical Bulletin, 138(1), 41–57. https://doi.org/10.1093/bmb/ldab005Gelsinger, Ayla. “A Critical Analysis of the Body Positive Movement on Instagram: How Does It Really Impact Body Image?” Spectra Undergraduate Research Journal 1, no. 1 (February 26, 2021). https://doi.org/10.9741/2766-7227.1003
Alleva, Jessica M., Melissa M. Medoch, Kira Priestley, Johanna L. Philippi, Jolien Hamaekers, Eva N. Salvino, Sanne Humblet, and Marieke Custers. “‘I Appreciate Your Body, Because…’ Does Promoting Positive Body Image to a Friend Affect One’s Own Positive Body Image?” Body Image 36 (March 1, 2021): 134–38. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2020.11.002
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What’s the Difference Between Body Positivity and Body Neutrality? – Embracing both can be healthy. (Cleveland Clinic)
8 steps to mindful eating – Change the way you think about food. (Harvard Health Publishingc)
Words Have Weight: The Many Forms of Body-Shaming – A closer look at body-shaming towards ourselves and others. (Psychology Today)
Body Image and Self-Esteem – You don't need a perfect body to have a good body image. (TeensHealth)
Encouraging a Healthy Body Image – Tips for parents. (KidsHealth)
Around the web
Last updated: October 13, 2022
The Weight of Words: Effects of Body Shaming on Mental Health
The Weight of Words: Effects of Body Shaming on Mental Health
Have you looked in the mirror lately and criticized your body? We may not be aware of it, but we are often self-conscious of our body shape, size, and weight.
We often tell ourselves we are too thin or too fat, too light or too dark, too curly or too straight.
The teenage years serve as the transition from childhood to adulthood and is marked by physical, mental, and sexual developmental changes. It is during these times we become overly conscious about our looks and physical appearance, including our weight. Adolescents, above all, are particularly vulnerable to body shaming and weight shaming during this stage. Teenagers strive to be accepted by their peers by having the right body, color, hair – anything acceptable by society.
In this highly social-media based world, appearance and attractiveness have been an important thing to consider, especially among teenagers today. The Internet now strongly has an influence against what the ideal person should be. If you look different from what the media portrays as beautiful, you may fall victim of body shaming.
What is Body Shaming?Body shaming can be described as the act of mocking or humiliating someone based on their physical appearance.
It covers a wide scope including shaming people for their shape, size, skin color, hair color, hairiness, and general appearance.
Globally, the prevalence of body shaming was found to be in the range of 25 to 35 percent. In one study, the total prevalence of body shaming was found to be 44.9 percent. Body shaming stems from several years back when ideals surrounding women have changed. Thin women were considered more attractive than heavier women, and men who were taller and muscular were preferred than lanky ones. Since then, standards of beauty for women have been generally unrealistic and unattainable.
Body shaming may be considered a form of bullying. It includes making inappropriate or derogatory comments about their body size or shape. Body shaming is not merely criticizing someone who is overweight, but even those who are underweight. People of all shapes and sizes can be victims of body shaming. Even when said in a joking manner, body shaming is still hurtful.
Oftentimes, body shaming is subtly told, often using sentences like:
- “Why are you so thin?”
- “Do you even eat?”
- “You should eat more”
- “You look like you gained weight”
- “Don’t you have plans of dieting?”
- “Are you really going to eat all of that?”
We may not realize it, but we are unconsciously body shaming ourselves and others.
Body Shaming and Mental HealthThe stigma surrounding weight and body type can have long-term psychological and physical health consequences. Recent studies have shown that people with disproportionate bodies are often stigmatized.
Studies indicate that the effects of being body-shamed during adolescence have short-term and long-term mental health consequences. Several mental health issues arise from body shaming, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and depressive symptoms.
When someone is body shamed, it can lead to feelings of avoidance and opting to isolate oneself due to the humiliation felt.
There is also a note of increase in feelings of low self-esteem, self-image, and self-worth. Worse, it can make a person feel lonely and sorry for oneself – which can lead to depression.
Additionally, body shaming can lead to unhealthy eating habits. It can go both ways of the spectrum: eating too much to gain weight or refusing to eat in order to lose weight. This can put people at risk of suffering from an eating disorder.
What Can We Do About Body Shaming?There have been several movements focusing on body positivity. This promotes correcting and educating people about biases and prejudices against body shaming. It will take time to change people’s perspectives and ideals, but it is always better to start now than later. The question now is, how do we fight against body shaming?
1. Embrace our ownBody positivity as opposed to body shaming is learning to embrace your own imperfections and feeling content with how we are and how we look.
Once we have fully embraced how we look, no amount of judgment that may be directed towards us can put us down.
A study showed that maintaining peer friendships inside the school offers a protective risk against the depressing effects of body shaming. Surround yourself with people who are body positive and accept you for who you are – without forcing you into society’s impossible standards. Spend time with people who will help you view yourself positively and prohibit any semblance of body shaming.
3. Educate those who body shameBody shaming is not pleasant and should not be tolerated. Notice how people around you – your friends, families, or co-workers. If you catch anyone body shaming another, confront and educate them. Talk it out nicely and discuss the harmful effects of body shaming a person.
At the end of the day, we want to be accepted for who we are and how we look. However, adolescents can be very vulnerable to body shaming and its negative mental health consequences.
If you know anyone who is a victim of body shaming, especially adolescents, contact the nearest MindShift Wellness Center near me today. We offer Teen Therapy as well as Group Therapy, wherein you can talk with people with the same experience. We can help you improve your self-image and speed up your path to acceptance and recovery.
What is body shaming and how to resist it
- What is it
- What is dangerous
- How to stop
- Why You Shouldn't Bodyshape
- Psychologist's comments
What is body shaming
Body shaming is negative comments about the appearance of another person. They can lead to depressive symptoms and irreversible consequences [1]. Overweight people are often subjected to bodyshaming, but those who look too thin or not fit enough from the point of view of others are also criticized. Body shaming is ubiquitous. With the development of online space and social networks, people have the opportunity to expand their social circle and offend unfamiliar users without consequences for themselves.
Here and there there are posts and articles, the authors of which openly call to evaluate whose figure is better or “is it possible to wear a bikini with such a body”.
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Still from the film Plump
© COTA Films/Echo Films
The dangers of body shaming go beyond nasty comments and attacks. Many people, even without other people's comments, are critical of their appearance - then third-party comments only reinforce negative experiences. Body shaming can be directed not only outside, but also at oneself and can be expressed in dissatisfaction with one's own appearance, in comparison with other people and standards.
Imposed "body shame" affects both ordinary people and celebrities: an example was the announcement of the Fox News host that Kelly Clarkson should "abstain from deep-fried pizza for a while." A picture of a pregnant Kim Kardashian being compared to a whale went viral on social media, and Cheryl Cole, a former member of Girls Aloud, spoke out against bodyshaming after being viciously ridiculed for her slim figure.
[2] The consequences of being attacked are very serious, whether you are judging yourself or someone else, they can provoke and exacerbate mental health problems.
Ryan Gosling, Serena Williams and other stars who have been criticized for their weight
The dangers of body shaming
A person struggling with an eating disorder is affected by many different factors, including genetics and environment. Body shaming is recognized as part of this equation. The fact is that it enhances the feeling of shame for its “wrong” appearance. The latter can already directly influence the choice of diet up to the transition to a strict diet. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, approximately 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States have at some point in their lives suffered from a clinically significant eating disorder, such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and compulsive overeating [3].
10 Celebrity Eating Disorder Survivors
How to Stop Body Shaming
Focus on examples of those who love and appreciate their bodies, even though they don't live up to the media standards of beauty.
As soon as you pay attention to body shaming, you will notice in what situations it occurs, which of the family, friends or colleagues allow themselves to speak maliciously at you or towards another person, including behind his back.
© dan/Unsplash
We cannot control the actions of others, but we can change our own reaction to what is happening and not participate in it.
Stop criticizing yourself too much
Everyone has situations when they don't like something about themselves and would like to change it. On the one hand, criticism becomes a motivation for working on oneself, on the other hand, it carries the danger of focusing on negative aspects. Try to accept yourself instead of judging yourself, even if you don't look the way you want.
Don't get involved in body shaming
Sometimes you may not realize that you are becoming part of the mechanism by listening to and supporting comments about someone's appearance. The best thing to do is to avoid them and stop them as much as possible.
Find what you like about yourself
These can be either permanent or temporary. For example, a new haircut and manicure, look, facial expressions, smile. Mark them daily and focus on the pleasant. If other people complain to you about their appearance, help them find positive qualities in themselves.
Do not hesitate to contact a psychologist
A specialist will help you get rid of negative experiences, reassess your reactions, draw conclusions and avoid getting involved in similar situations in the future.
Why do we do body shaming
Unflattering comments about appearance lead to serious consequences, but why can't people refuse them? It's about the psyche of the critic. When a person is overwhelmed, annoyed, or frightened by something, he tries to strike back. Sometimes, instead of the object of negative experiences, it goes to strangers. This is especially common in childhood and adolescence, when emotional experiences are at their highest and there is not enough experience in coping with conflicts.
It is difficult to admit and openly state that you do not like the way someone does, or you are afraid of losing a friendship. It is easier to leave a couple of angry comments to free yourself from negative feelings. The expression of sincere feelings and the exclusion of automatic reactions is the right alternative to criticism. Practice tracking your feelings. It is unlikely that you are angry at a friend just because you rarely communicate. Most likely, you are frustrated by misunderstandings, sudden rejection, or choosing in favor of other people. Practice putting these feelings into words.
© Tim Samuel/Pexels
Body shaming comes from stereotypes. Without examples of how to look "correctly", a person will not strive for imposed ideals. Do not forget about the subjectivity of views. What one does not like may not only be acceptable, but also pleasant to another. In addition, body shaming is a manifestation of cruelty, both to others and to oneself. A person who does not engage in excessive self-criticism will not impose it on others.
If putting others down makes you feel better, try finding other ways to assert yourself.
Some people think that by criticizing their loved ones they are doing them a favor and helping them to become better. In fact, a person, as a rule, is well aware of his shortcomings, or even does not consider them as such. And if he does not ask you for a comment, do not impose your point of view, whether it be makeup tips or an offer to run. Some features of appearance are genetically determined, but even if they are the result of a passive lifestyle, this is a personal matter for each person.
The "rescue" syndrome: when helping others harms
Psychologist's comment
Polina Lukinykh, psychotherapist, Alter psychologist recruitment service specialist
If bodyshaming is bad, then bodypositive is good? Where is the line between completely accepting flaws and trying to achieve "perfection"?
In my opinion, there is no such duality in life - good and bad.
It is in the good old poem about the crumbs that there is a clear division into black and white, but in reality it is hardly possible. Both body shaming and body positivity, it seems to me, are some social phenomena that reflect certain issues, trends, and moods that arise in society. They say that now the body firmly occupies a certain place in the hierarchy of social values. And the line lies within the framework of the individual, and not the collective consciousness. Conditionally and exaggerating: if a person likes his own body, if he feels comfortable in it, if he realizes that he is satisfied with the way he looks, and everything suits him, this is good.
Doesn't body shaping help make, for example, obesity the norm and people stop worrying about it being unhealthy?
To answer this question, it is important to first understand the concepts. What is body shaming and does it solve the problem of combating obesity? In essence, body shaming is discrimination based on external signs, condemnation of people whose appearance, for one reason or another, does not fit into generally accepted standards and norms.
And this applies not only to weight, but also, for example, hair color, tattoos and piercings. If you follow the given logic, then you can assume that the only thing that keeps people from getting a tattoo, piercing or shaving their head baldly is the fear of judgment. And if it is not there, then everyone will immediately rush to tattoo parlors. This logic is, of course, wrong. It is impossible to derive "average" indicators in the field of private life.
Is discrimination a healthy deterrent? I don't think so. This is reminiscent of not the most effective strategy for a parent in a family in relation to a child: “I am scolding and hitting you now, because I am trying to do better for you, so that you know how to do the right thing. I condemn you so that you feel good.” How will the child react to this? Most likely, upset, offended, crying.
I see the task in focusing on the formation of healthy habits, and certainly not in punishing and condemning people for not conforming to a certain norm, which, by the way, changes over time.
And the world would not be such an interesting place if we, all people, were not different.
It is impossible to say unequivocally that something is wrong with another if, for example, he is overweight. In the same way, the fact that a person has a normal weight does not necessarily mean that he is fine and healthy. If you are concerned about the health and well-being of a loved one, I would recommend focusing on your own feelings first. What happens to you personally in connection with the way a person close to you lives? What caused your anxiety, what is it connected with?
Changing someone's life is a thankless task, and, frankly, impossible. What to do with your own life, appearance, physical activity and nutrition, everyone can decide only for himself. But you can help yourself figure out what is happening to you, what is the reason for your reaction. You can share your feelings with loved ones. An open conversation can be more honest than a hint, it reduces the tension in a relationship.
However, it makes sense to start such a conversation when a person starts it himself. For example, if a loved one tells you, “I don’t like the way I look. I hate my reflection in the mirror. I am uncomfortable in my body, I am ashamed of it” and so on. You can start a dialogue in this way: “I see what you are going through. I'm worried about how you feel and I'm ready to help you if you want."
The themes of body positivity and body shaming, in my opinion, are now so loud precisely because the body has begun to be seen as a kind of currency with which you can satisfy basic human needs: love, acceptance, recognition, respect. And sometimes it happens that a person tries to "buy" it from himself. This is how the idea of continuous self-improvement is born. And the fear of fullness in this case can be considered as a fear of not meeting social standards.
If the core idea of body positivity — “all bodies are equally good” — becomes the rule, this familiar frame of reference will disappear.
The body, appearance will cease to be a measure of love, recognition and respect. Not to consider the body in public discourse as an instrument of competition, discrimination and superiority is what body positivity calls for in the first place. And this is different from the call to love your body, whatever it may be.
Tags: psychology , fitness
why it's time to stop judging people for their looks
After the recent appearance of 58-year-old Demi Moore on the catwalk, the public began to discuss how her face has changed. "Another victim of plastic surgery" , - netizens repeated.
Some criticized the star, others criticized the critics. A vicious circle, no less. We understand why body shaming is terrible and why it is time to stop judging people for their appearance and personal choice.
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You can't please people. Today they complain about the lack of diversity at fashion shows, and tomorrow they are ready to openly stigmatize those whose appearance does not fit into the canons of beauty. Too fat, scary or old - there is a deafening ring in the comments. So this time, instead of discussing the debut collection of Kim Jones, the public looked at every centimeter of the Hollywood star's face.
"Plastic", "Botox", "Fillers" , - assumptions multiplied on the Web. Well, the worst thing is that the above comments are even more or less decent. The case is not isolated, but very revealing. So, some stand up for naturalness, others call to improve themselves, but know when to stop; and some even send aged stars to retire. Why do people place their own expectations on someone else's appearance and what threatens it?
Getty ImagesWhy do we like to discuss the appearance of others so much
As a social being, we naturally compare ourselves with those around us. And if someone breaks out of the generally accepted framework, a whole range of emotions arises: from harsh condemnation to hidden envy. The desire to assert oneself and downplay the importance of a person can also play a role - how could it be without this? There is another curious phenomenon, according to which gossip about appearance allows you to join "their own". That is why most of the comments are either laudatory or condemnatory - alas, there is no golden mean.
An alarm bell - rather see a psychologist!
No wonder they say that happy people do not discuss others. The more a person notices and broadcasts good, the more joyful events come into his life. Since it is precisely such signals that enter his brain. Well, if he looks for the negative in everything and spends his energy on empty talk, he himself gives the green light to destructive processes, primarily for himself. What you sow, you will reap - such is the law of manifestation.
If a person is too concerned about other people's forms, appearance and clothes, this may indicate a lack of self-acceptance. Often, spiteful critics criticize others because they do not allow themselves to express themselves. In addition, they are afraid that they themselves may fall under a barrage of criticism. In such cases, you should seek the help of a psychologist - and there is nothing shameful in this.
© DepositphotosThe word is not a sparrow
Treat each other with care.
