Older men seek younger women

Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?

Consenting adults come together for many reasons and age isn’t always a factor. Older men may fall for younger women and younger women may sometimes prefer to date older men.

While some people may believe the motives behind big age gaps in relationships are always sinister, older men may gravitate toward younger women for many valid reasons, and that may be the case for younger women dating older men, too.

Age and consent

This article discusses older men dating younger women where both partners are above the legal age of consent in their state.

If both partners are above the legal age of consent, it doesn’t mean consent is implicit. Asking for consent and both people being on the same page is key in any healthy romantic relationship.

If you’re below the age of consent and an adult’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, help is available. You can:

  • Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential, 24/7 support.
  • Visit Stop It Now! for online resources or reach out to their helpline at 888-773-8368.
  • Visit Childhelp for resources to handle and report abuse or to chat live with someone who can help.

Why does anybody want to date someone else? There are infinite possibilities.

The vulnerability of young girls has made the older-men-dating-younger-women stereotype a predatory one.

While it’s true that some men may consider younger women easy targets for manipulation or control, there are less sinister reasons an older man may be drawn to someone younger.

Sometimes it just happens. You fall in love with the person and overlook their age. Other times, it’s actually the energy, appearance, and life perspective of a younger woman that may be attractive to an older man. In some instances, the intention may not be a healthy one. Every case is different.

Ancestral practices

A 2020 large-scale replication study examined mate preferences across 45 countries. Researchers found that most men placed a higher emphasis on appearance when it came to choosing a partner.

The reason behind it isn’t necessarily vanity.

Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.

On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.

This could be a reason why men, in general, may be attracted to younger women.

Long-standing traditions

Stephanie Juliano, a licensed professional clinical counselor from Rio Rancho, New Mexico, points out women haven’t traditionally had the benefit of equality.

“Men initially had more privileges, and so it was not unheard of taking a younger partner to take care of, and on the other hand, a young woman leaving home was being taken care of both financially and socially,” she explains.

While the adult-child relationship dynamic has been denounced in some parts of the world, there’s still much work to do in that respect. It’s also possible that these practices have influenced dating culture and there may still be an undercurrent of older men dating consensual younger women based on wanting to be their provider.

Entering crisis mode

It’s probably one of the most discussed reasons for older men dating younger women: The midlife or identity crisis.

Do older men mentally resist aging by dating younger partners? Is the midlife crisis even real? There’s much discussion but limited research on the topic. Some argue that this is yet another stereotyped cliche that doesn’t have much proof behind it.

How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?

According to data accumulated over the course of 7 decades, in developed countries, the average age gap among heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years.

In these relationships, the data indicates it’s more common for men to be the older partner.

Age gaps are rarely discussed until they’re considered “too big,” but there’s no hard rule about when an age gap becomes significant.

Reported satisfaction in a relationship may start to see diminishing returns if the age gap between partners is larger than 10 years, suggests an 80-paper review from 2016.

In misogynist cultures, young women dating older men may be often accused of being “gold diggers,” or just in the relationship for financial gain.

Research, however, shows that when it comes to establishing long-term relationships, the majority of women, of all ages, are typically interested in older men.

A large study of more than 12,000 participants in Finland found that most women prefer same-age or older male partners throughout life, while men, regardless of age, tend to prefer women in their 20s.

While women may also seek older men out of long-standing provider traditions, there are other reasons this matchup might be appealing.

Emotional maturity

Research suggests men take longer than women to reach mental maturity, making it reasonable for young women to feel more emotionally compatible and secure with older men.

The father complex

Young women who grow up with absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive fathers may develop what’s known as the father complex.

The father or Oedipus complex isn’t a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), and it’s a controversial term. Originally a Sigmund Freud’s theory, the term and concept have been long controverted.

Initially, the theory described how children form a strong attachment with the parent of the opposite sex and start to compete for attention and love with parents of the same sex. This is part of the natural psychosexual development.

When a person stays psychologically stuck in this stage of development, they may experience challenges in adult relationships.

When it comes to younger women dating older men, some people refer to the complex as “daddy issues,” a gendered stereotyping term.

Only a mental health professional can accurately determine if a younger woman’s attraction to older men has roots in unresolved childhood conflicts.

What about older women and younger men?

A double standard may exist in some cultures that accept older men dating younger women. Older women dating younger men may not be seen so kindly, although it could be explained differently.

Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often because the component of vulnerability is missing from this dynamic.

“When a younger man dates an older woman, it is more accepted because she is not in the relationship for money, typically,” says Schultz.

In a chauvinist culture, an older woman may still be seen as the weaker one in the relationship, not the one taking advantage of a younger partner, which may happen to older men dating younger women.

When two people genuinely love one another and have built that love on commonalities, companionship, respect, and trust, a relationship can work — regardless of the age gap.

Patricia O’laughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, says relationships with a large age gap may be wonderful opportunities for personal growth.

“There can be significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience,” she says.

Schultz adds these types of relationships also tend to have high levels of maturity, which can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances.

“Typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship,” she says.

Any relationship can face challenges, but research suggests age gaps like those in relationships between older men and younger women have been linked to:


As partners age, the older partner may not be able to meet the energy levels of the younger partner, or may feel inadequate.

Depression in older adults may also be linked to experiences unique to the age, like losing close friends and retirement, something a younger partner may not be able to relate to.

Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment

Although not a rule, it’s possible that younger partners may gravitate back toward people their own age, particularly if the older partner doesn’t have the same sex drive.

Infidelity isn’t exclusive to relationships with age gaps, though. As in any other case, trust and open communication are key to managing this challenge.

Lower relationship satisfaction

Many factors can influence relationship satisfaction. With a large age gap, partners may experience stress or anxiety from:

  • social stigma
  • different priorities in life, or goals that don’t align
  • power dynamics
  • clashing social circles
  • age-related health challenges

How to manage challenges

Experts cite communication as critical for the success of relationships between older men and younger women.

Juliano recommends open communication about big life questions, right from the start.

“Are there common interests in life goals, religion, family, where do you see yourself, what do you want in the next 5, 10, 15+ years?” she suggests you ask yourself.

O’Laughlin explains that figuring out these questions and creating plans to address them can strengthen your relationship and decrease resentment and conflict.

If you’re unsure where to start, a relationship counselor can help you and your partner identify areas of concern and possible solutions.

Why would older men date younger women and vice versa? As with any other relationship, there are many factors involved. Emotional security, maturity, common life perspectives, physical attraction, and chemistry may be involved. Instincts and culture may also play an important part.

It’s also possible in some cases that unresolved relationship challenges with father figures or traumatic experiences may be at play. Only a mental health professional can determine if this is the case.

Having a big age gap doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound to fail. Open communication about life goals and expectations can help you and your partner build a foundation of trust and respect.

9 Reasons Why Older Men Might Like Younger Women

Feelings may or may not have reasons to suffice.

Image: Shutterstock

The love stories of celebrities like William Shatner and Elizabeth Shatner, Beyonce and Jay Z are well-known. In most of these relationships, the male partner is several years older than the female partner. There are several other couples like them with a significant age difference between them. So, what attracts an older man to a younger woman? You must have thought over it.

Keep reading to know about the most common and possible reasons that can make a man fall for a woman much younger than him and why there is a possibility that things might just work out in the right direction for them.

Related: Why Older Women Like Younger Men: 12 Possible Reasons

Why Do Older Men Like Younger Women: 9 Possible Reasons

Here are a few possible reasons that could attract older men towards younger women.

1. They bring out their sense of youth

Image: Shutterstock

Not every person likes the idea or the realization that they are getting old and gone are the days when they were youthful. Thus, some older men like to be involved with younger women as it helps them participate in more youthful activities and be a part of new trends. It makes him feel revitalized and younger at heart.

Point to consider

For some men, having a young attractive woman by their side at social events is a matter of pride. Being desired by a younger woman makes them a subject of admiration and envy amongst other men.

2. They make them feel wanted

Younger women tend to feel more attracted to older men because they make them feel safe and secure both emotionally and physically. At the same time, it makes the older men feel wanted, which is an attractive attribute for a relationship.

3. They like to guide

Image: iStock

When partners are of the same age or have a minimum age gap, they may not like to have someone who is always preaching. But younger partners would want to learn and would not deny listening to practical lessons for life. While on the other side, older men feel good about sharing their experiences and guide their younger partners on the right path.

4. They get a chance to cope with their mid-life crisis

Men in their mid-40s and 50s could be susceptible to going through a midlife crisis. It is a time when they look for someone at their side who can make them relax and have fun in life. Hence, being in a relationship with a significantly younger woman brings them a sense of satisfaction that they still have their charm, which also is a big boost for them.
Most men who get into a relationship with younger women have either been through a rough divorce or had a bitter fallout with their significant other. Thus, dating a younger woman is kind of a rebound to get over that bitter experience.

6. They are open to experimenting

Image: iStock

If a man is looking forward to experimenting, there is a high probability that he would choose to spend time with a young girl as she is lively, carefree, and most probably open to trying new things in life.

7. They do not bother about commitment

Some men believe in the ideology that young women are more inclined toward short-term relationships and do not expect much to come out of them. Thus, if he is not so serious either and finds a young lady on the same page, then indulging in an affair would be ideal.

Point to consider

Commitment-phobic men may believe that older women are focused on getting married and having a baby as their biological clock is ticking. Younger women still have time so marriage and kids may not necessarily be their priority.

Related: 75+ Inspiring Quotes About Commitment In A Relationship

8. They let their partner pilot the relationship

Image: iStock

Older men have had their share of life experiences and relationships and have a clear idea of what to do and not do in a relationship. Younger women tend to admire this trait in them as it brings in a sense of security and assurance. Hence, it is a win-win situation.

9. They may want the control

Image: iStock

With partners of the same age or less age gap, it might be tricky to have control over the relationship. However, with a younger partner, the older one tends to have command due to their age and experience. So, if the older man looks forward to a relationship wherein he can be the dominator, he would like to have a younger woman as a partner.

Related: 8 Signs Of A Controlling Relationship

It is essential to mention that not all older men dating younger women have the same outlook or the exact reasons for their actions and decisions. When in love, age is a mere number, and it is the feelings and emotions that matter the most. Younger women are attracted to older men because they have a planned life and are mature, while older men like younger women because they bring the excitement and spark back in their regular mundane lives.

Key Pointers:

  • Physical needs, excitement, and youthfulness are joint driving forces in older men falling for younger women.
  • Young women also add a touch of delight and adventure to their daily monotonous lives and spark their interest.
  • It is also vital that you assess your feelings thoroughly and think about your decision before committing to a relationship.

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Why do men prefer young girls👨‍🦳👩‍🦰

Many men prefer young women to older ladies, regardless of their own age. We all remember Playboy founder Hugh Hefner surrounding himself with young girls. Half of humanity criticized him, and half envied him.

Many men do not openly share their sexual preferences, but a recent study by Finns confirmed that men prefer young women, even if they are much older than those. Women, on the contrary, feel more comfortable with those who are closer to them in age or slightly older. nine0003

Too many men prefer younger women to older women, regardless of their age.

Another published study shows that the age of girls preferred by men increases with the age of the man himself. This means that there is something else in the criteria for the attractiveness of men besides age. Men definitely have an inclination and fondness for women in their 20s, and under any circumstances, men prefer younger women. Research done in this regard has shown the obvious result: the youngest age that men are attracted to remains the same no matter how old they are. This means that a man who is 40 years old will still want to enter into a relationship with a woman who is about twenty, for example, 22-23 years old. This preference will not change even if the man is 50 or 60 years old. nine0003

Here are five reasons older men are interested in dating younger women.

Another published study shows that the age of the girls preferred by men increases with the age of the man himself that they still have prowess and appeal. It's just a self-esteem exercise. In their opinion, if they can find and keep a young woman, their self-confidence will increase. There is no better way to prove to yourself that they still have a lot ahead of them than to date someone much younger. nine0003

Young girls are less demanding

In general, young women are less likely to demand the same things from relationships as older women. From the point of view of men, young women are more carefree and less pressured to settle down and make long-term plans. They are more inclined to just have fun, unlike older women who are often too serious , which may turn some men off. nine0003

Young women generally just want to have a good time and not worry too much about any responsibility yet. This can be incredibly liberating for an older man who is used to his peers wanting so much more out of a relationship than just having a good time.

Midlife crisis

Midlife crisis is most often explained by the desire of older men to date younger women. Usually such explanations are chosen for men who believe that marriage or stable relationships prevent them from living a full life and age them ahead of time. Such a man may also feel some form of resentment at being bound hand and foot for so long. Therefore, he needs to live a little and get the most out of his life here and now. nine0003

Most of the time, the reasoning here is quite simple: if you date a young woman, you will look and feel younger too. The man is sure that in this way he will regain his youth and get another chance to have fun. Of course, this is not always the case in reality.

Biological clock: marriage and childbearing

Many men are looking for young women who want to start a family. Or they already have adult children, but they want to have more children. nine0003

In a younger woman, health risks during pregnancy are generally less for younger women than for older women who are nearing the end of their childbearing years.

Many men would like their heritage to continue through their children, hence the pragmatic desire to start a family with younger women so that it can continue.

Men think that all their peers are the same

If an older man has already had a bad experience with women of his age, he may look for his next mistress among younger women. This is due to the fear that other older women might be just like his ex-wife or ex-partner. Some men get the impression that dating younger women means less drama, less hassle, and less responsibility. nine0003

They also believe that younger women have less experience. This assumption turns into a lot of problems on both sides. Young women may have just as much experience with failed dates as older men. Therefore, they can be as careful as the peers of an elderly womanizer.

It is worth noting that not all older men seek younger women for these reasons. Some just happen to find a young woman with whom they immediately find a common language, and do not even take into account her age. nine0003

Ultimately, strong relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust, love, and mutual respect. While age may play a small role in the decision-making process for some people, most people don't think about it at all. As long as both parties want the same things from the relationship and are happy together, age shouldn't be a factor. After all, it's just a number. The main thing is mutual understanding.

To find an understanding partner, you need to look among those who have something in common with you. Such people can be found on Invme. This is a new platform that brings together hundreds of people from various Russian cities. It works quite simply:

To find an understanding partner, you need to look for those who have something in common with you. Such people can be found on Invme

  • Register, specify the details to fill out the profile, add a photo.
  • Then you get to the main page, where hot ads from people from your city are already collected. One gathers a company for a hike, another invites to ride bicycles, and the third is looking for a soul mate. Monitor these ads and click "Write" if you like one of the ads. nine0086
  • If you haven't found anything worthwhile, it's time to create your ad. Click on the appropriate button in the menu on the left.
  • Now select the format. If you are looking for friends and comrades, choose a free event.
  • Next is the category selection.
  • Now you need to specify your city.
  • On the next page, indicate who you are looking for and don't forget to prepare a good description. Then your proposal will be interested. Tell us about yourself, what are your hobbies, how do you like to spend your time, etc. nine0086

Post an ad and wait for responses. But do not forget to also monitor the announcement feed - there will probably be something worthwhile in the near future.

Natural instinct or midlife crisis: why men are attracted to women younger than themselves

Read us at

The news that 74-year-old Yevgeny Petrosyan married 30-year-old Tatyana Brukhunova caused no less fun among the public than once the performances of the comedian himself. What, one wonders, family life can we talk about when the chosen one is almost 40 years younger? nine0109

But on the other hand, there are more than enough examples when adults and wealthy representatives of the stronger sex associate themselves with chosen ones who are suitable for them as a daughter, and sometimes granddaughters. And if people in such situations, as a rule, do not understand women, then they treat men with understanding - they were drawn to the young, this is natural.

Is it true that the stronger sex always irresistibly draws on women younger than them? And what is behind this craving? nine0109

Seduce and conquer

In the opinion of many, the elementary attractiveness of youth plays a significant role here.

- We, men, are physiological animals, and, of course, we are attracted by young forms, freshness and all that, - my 45-year-old acquaintance honestly admits.

One of the widespread versions is that men choose young companions for the sake of prestige.

“This is prestigious for a man. He will proudly show it to his friends ... ”- says one of the Internet participants. nine0003

“If a man has reached a high level, then he is simply supposed to have a young mistress or wife,” another is sure.

Many high officials or well-known businessmen really got young girlfriends, with whom they periodically appear in society. And some have transferred these girlfriends to the category of legal wives. Even in our Nizhny Novgorod there are many such examples.

However, it is unlikely that they dared to take such a serious step, guided only by considerations of prestige. nine0003

Himself like this

Some people tend to explain the craving for young male infantilism - “because they themselves do not feel like adults” ... boys - the same tastes, lifestyle, thoughts and habits. And that is why they are attracted to young ladies much younger than themselves.

There are especially many such men among representatives of creative professions. nine0003

But my friend, whose husband just fell in love with a young lady, is sure that behind the male desire to see a young person next to him is a desire to assert himself.

– If the peasant himself is not smart enough, then he will choose silly, unintelligent girls. You look, against their background, he himself will look something like Spinoza, - she is sure.

Many women agree with her. According to supporters of this theory, a weak man in marriage with an experienced woman who has taken place as a person cannot dominate. nine0003

“And then he gets a wife much younger than himself, so that there are no doubts about who the head of the family is here,” forum member Angela shares her opinion.

Yes, and some men also share this point of view.

“So why do men love young people? In order to feel younger and assert myself,” a certain Mikhail Zhukov admits at one of the forums.

Dmitry Nagiyev admitted in one of his interviews that the desire to have a girl appears on a subconscious level. nine0003

“Young people are easier to surprise. If you remember the clever Freud, it becomes clear that this comes from self-doubt, ”the idol of the spectators is convinced.

Freshness of feelings

But most people still agree that with the help of relationships with young women they try to prolong their youth.

– A peasant does not want to grow old, so he strives to feed on young blood, for example, my 47-year-old neighbor is sure.

And some men agree with her. nine0003

“It seems to me that this is, to some extent, a way to return young years - a moment of philosophical concept that a man is as old as his beloved,” 54-year-old parodist Mikhail Grushevsky honestly admitted.

According to the representatives of the stronger sex themselves, an affair with a woman much younger than himself gives a man a new life impulse, awakens interest in life again.

My friend, who at the age of 53 married his son's age, admitted that a young girl with her irrepressible curiosity about life, her ability to admire things that already seemed familiar to you, gives unprecedented inspiration to life. And it forces you to live a new full life in all its manifestations. nine0003

Watch yourself

What attracts men to young ladies we asked sexologist and psychotherapist Yevgeny KULGAVCHUK.

– How true is the statement that men are always attracted to young people?

- This statement is only partly true and is due to the biological component. A younger woman has the potential to be more fertile. This is read on an unconscious level and attracts a man. nine0003

– What is more in this craving – physiological or psychological?

- There is also a physiological component, including, as a rule, a better physical shape (still the same unconscious assessment of reproductive potential).

Of course, there is also a psychological component. The fact is that some young women are more likely to compliment and admire men. And men, in fact, need compliments no less than women. For example, a spouse may play a prank about the fact that the gemstone on the ring they gave them does not have too many carats. And the young lover will be sincerely happy with a small simple gold ring. nine0003

And some men go not so much for firm buttocks, but for respect and admiration. Smart women understand this and try to take this factor into account.

– Can young women, in their turn, be seriously attracted to men who can be fathers?

- Yes, it is possible. In these cases, there are often role distortions in the father–daughter system. A woman who has not received her father's love wants to make up for it already in adulthood. In cases where this is complementarily superimposed on the expressed ability and desire of a man to patronize and protect, these marriages can really be happy. But until the time when the woman grows up. Then she will no longer need her father, and she can start looking for a man. nine0003

- There is a myth that if a man begins to stare at younger women, this is one of the signs of his aging. Is there at least some grain of truth in this?

- To some extent, yes. Some men, communicating with younger women, become younger themselves. There is an effect of induction, that is, charging with emotions, ideas, an enthusiastic perception of the world. Some men, in this way, try not only to make up for the emotional poverty of their own lives and want to decorate it, but also try to spur on fading old age with new impressions, including sexual ones. nine0003

It must be remembered that from a sexological point of view, in fact, the aging of a man begins already from the age of 30, when testosterone levels begin to decline by about one percent per year. Therefore, we are talking not only about sex-obsessed pensioners with impending Alzheimer's, who sometimes look somewhat ridiculous when they try to seduce young nurses in medical sanatoriums on a ticket from the trade union committee for the treatment of the musculoskeletal system.

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