Not what i expected book

Not What I Expected: Parenting a Special-Needs Child--From Diagnosis to Acceptance and Beyond by Rita Eichenstein

April 2, 2016

Those of us with special needs children will often tell you that it is a blessing, a gift, and an unexpected surprise, but in reality it is a quiet struggle. It is deep well of emotions that holds love, anger, rage, acceptance, faith, hope, and sadness. As a parent to three special needs children I can honestly say that my well of emotions is rather deep. With the support of family, a psychiatrist, and the school system; I have worked through my emotions and have come to love and watch my children thrive. However, like so many parents of special needs children, I have lost a marriage that was partly due to my children’s disability. Only one of us was able to handle the challenges of our children’s disability and it is because of my impending divorce that I picked up this book. I wish I had discovered this book much earlier. Unlike most information that is published about special needs children, this book is written with the parents in mind. It is a guide that discusses the stages of grief, stress, hardships, and relationship turmoil; that can occur while raising a child with disabilities. The author goes into great details on how parents can work together to prevent divorce and burnout with one another.

I have to say this is one of the best special needs resource books that I have read in a very long time. I am so sad that I did not read it a while ago, but it everything happens for a reason. Like so many couples, my marriage had a spouse that was angry about having disabled children and could not cope with the issues that arose with it. This manual would have been helpful for us and would have been brought up with our family psychiatrist, but part of me believes it still would not have changed his mind. Having three special needs children opens the world to many new people. Individuals that do not judge others based on color, size, or intellect. I have met so many beautiful people and enjoy being active in the community. However, I have learned to balance managing my children’s needs and finding time for myself. This book reminds parents to take time out of each day for yourself. Don’t lose your identity or your marriage. Take time for your partner and have a hobby. If you don’t have fun occasionally you will find yourself alone or hating your partner for their lack of help. This book is a great start at reminding parents at how to be themselves again.

special-needs-autism-adhd

October 5, 2015

The title of the book that I picked up actually is "Not What I Expected - Help and Hope for Parents of Atypical Children" not special-needs children. Although this book is not geared to parents of LGBTQ kids, I read it because I wanted a book that dealt with the emotions parents go through when their child is different than the mainstream. I found many tidbits to help me.

"What does atypical mean? It's a term that encompasses children who do not conform to the usual expectations..."

"The child's welfare is naturally a front and center concern, but who ensures that this child is nurtured and protected? Who needs to be consistently upbeat and encouraging? It's usually the parent. And what about that parent? ... How are you? How are you holding up? Where is the road map to help you navigate your own journey?"

"Somehow you are going to get through this, and your child is going to grow, and you're going to grow with your child. Somehow, it is going to be okay."

Monica

40 reviews2 followers

What a wonderful book for parents! I found this to be such a helpful read before and after my son was diagnosed with autism. This is not a book about therapy or teaching strategies for children, but more of an emotional support for parents as they come to terms with their child's diagnosis. Simply excellent!

This was one of the most powerful books I've ever read. It spoke to my experience even when addressing families with needs far greater than mine. Please share with family, therapists, even pediatricians.

This book is amazing.... it helps u understand what u are feeling and how to work through those feelings and also to see that rveryone processes thungs differently.

I liked it and I'm not even married.
I don't even have kids.
It's that good.

Nara

221 reviews10 followers

This book was ultimately not what I needed. What it *did* do, which I needed and appreciated, was to validate that this shit is hard, and it changes your life and your marriage and requires you to make shifts you didn’t know how to make. Not super helpful on *how* to make those shifts, though - maybe if you were not living the examined life already, it could offer some insights? I did do the exercise where you write down every day for a week
* what your kids behavior was
* how you reacted
* how it worked out
* what you could do better next time
and that was interesting and gave me some insights into both kids & my relationships with them.

Glad I read the Nagoskis’ Burnout this year (much more helpful on the “how to change” front) and that I have a good ~ologist and ~iatrist and support network.

non-fiction

Fantastic book, especially for parents of a special needs child, beginning or in the middle of their journey. Well constructed format going through the cycle of grief, associated with loss of the idealised child. Felt that there was a good balance of real life, research and practical tips, so that it would meet the needs of a wide audience. The author, who is a health professional shows a good understanding and empathy of the parents viewpoint, which is refreshing.

disability-autism non-fiction psychology

Roxanne

429 reviews1 follower

Nicely framed book about the emotions parents can go through after having a child diagnosed with special needs. There were times I felt the book was trying to shoehorn the experiences into the grief template for the sake of the book's structure, but overall, there were so many really valuable concepts here. It's always nice for me to read stories of other parents that have successfully navigated this path to give me hope for our future.

non-fiction

K Hue

117 reviews1 follower

great parenting book for ALL parents (of neurodiverse, atypical, neurotypical, etc).

beginning of the book was amazing, felt it would help a lot of parents in todays world but it may not apply to my son entirely. But still a good read.

Tracy

332 reviews1 follower

Good read. I should have read this years ago.

Absolutely brilliant. The best book to read after you recieve a diagnosis for yourself or for a loved one. Recommend to Al parents of Atypical children.

Foreword by Daniel Siegel. Good coverage of a tough topic. I found the last parts, on depression and acceptance, were the most valuable.

I think this is a great book for parents with a new diagnosis. I read this five years after our diagnosis and wish I had it earlier. It is a little heavy on the biological descriptions, which is interesting but a little cumbersome. I wanted to know more about how to thrive in this life instead of existing in constant survival mode.

I think a follow-on book would be a great addition, or a workbook with more activities to help a parent process the grief.

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Complete, First published Aug 24, 2022

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*Translated from Chinese*. Author: Xiao Ye Wan Qiao Yang is still yearning for his brother when he suddenly dies himself. But instead of oblivion, it turns out in a novel about a fierce struggle for an inheritance! His character is desperate and daring, ambitious but brainless, in general, typical cannon fodder and the perfect backdrop for the radiant aura of the protagonist. In the original story, nothing good shines for him, he degenerates, loses everything and, in the end, decides to end this worthless life.

.. that's how it was... Qiao Yang checked his account balance and the long line of numbers left him speechless! “I must not give up! I will fight for a better destiny!” First, you need to fix your relationship with your brothers. Second: get back the stolen post in the company. Third: live for your own pleasure, using money and freedom! But what is it? Why did Qiao Yan's enemies look warmer? Elder brother: You haven't changed your car for a long time, I'll give you a new one. Second brother: I will give you this piece of land in South City as a birthday present. Father: Do you have enough pocket money, I will give you another ten million. Qiao Yang: "...What's going on?" Gu Ye,

Table of Contentslast Updated Aug 24, 2022

1. Two Qiao Yana
2. Just lie calmly, like salty fish
3. Salt fish makes the first step
4 Qiao Yang said he would move, and he moved
5. Front and back
6. Fox and dog gang
7. The reason I'm here...

9. Does the rich man have a dollar lighter and a good heart?
10. First working day: to hell with hostility!
11. Gu Ye, don't worry, they won't get through!
12. If you don't like women, then marry a man
13. Is our relationship bad enough?
14. I don't care about brotherly love
15. Sleeping at your place?
16. Does Mr. Qiao want to apologize?
17. Today I must apologize well
18. In the group of Qiao, a mole ...
19. Show a little sincerity
20. We are just friends
21. Gu Ye admitted defeat
22. Surprise for my friend
23. How do friends act?
24. How do friends act?
25. This is how friends should act
26. Is Mr. Qiao satisfied?
27. How you look like my brother...
28. May I see this piano?
29. Qiao Yang's father, elder brother and second brother are here
30. As a reward, can I play every day?
31. What did you... find in Mo Yu before?
32. Cute, small and defenseless
33. Stay a little longer, okay?
34. I will take care of you when you are sick
35. Can you have lunch with us?
36. Who hit Gu Ye?
37. What will Qiao Yang do?
38. They look good together
39. I want this watch!
40. Best friend has arrived!
41. This youngest son is a family favorite!
42. I won't leave you alone with Gu Ye
43. Difficult situation Gu Ye
44. Is there anyone more ruthless than an older brother?
45. Will you come again later?
46. I wanted to be in private - it did not work out
47. He wants to go home and misses the Piano GU E

48. Brother Chen should figure out

49. GU E in panic cold for him?
50. Gu Ye wants to stand next to him
51. Did Lao San bring a new brother into the house?
52. Smile GU HAVE
53. Because I like
54. I came to explain who the brother is
55. Sudden attack

56. Can I care for you from now on?

57. I would have broken down the door if you hadn't come
58. I want to hear you sing
59. Do you feel real?
60. Who did you tell about our trip?
61. Mr. Gu, you are on your own
62. Don't be angry, let me explain everything
63. Yang Yang, tell me who is your brother?
64. Long Night
65. He wanted Su Cheng to see Qiao Yang like this.
67. Money is received by Lee Sunzhana
68. Waiting for a response
69. Let everyone see how good Lao Sanya
70. Fate
71. Our family
72. What are you doing here?
73. Did you take a sip of vinegar? I will comfort you.
74. I will satisfy your hunger
75. Like a prince
0005
77. Shang Hua: He even asked me for an autograph
78. He doesn't know anything about people and things around Gu Ye
79. What will Gu Ye's mother say when she finds out 9004
80. Visit Gu Company
81. Where is my boyfriend's trial going on?
82. Qiao Yang is a bargaining chip for Gu Ye
83. I ate... chili
84. Don't you believe me?
85. I ... I will kill you
86. Gu is offended
87. Open Relations

88. GU E, I love you

89 I love you!
90. Mr. Gu did not come to work today
91. You are the best gift in my life
92. He finally figured out what to give Gu Ye

94. In fact, you live in the book
95. The final part (I)
96. The final part (II)
Extra (1)
(2 )
Экстра (3)
Экстра (4)
Экстра (5)
Экстра (6)
Экстра (7)
Экстра (8)

1. Two Qiao Yana
2. Just lie calmly, like salted fish
3. Salt fish makes the first step
4. Cyao Yang that he would move and he moved
5. Front and back
6. Fox and dog gang
7. The reason I'm here...
8. You're just ruining everything!
9. Does the rich man have a lighter for a dollar and a good heart?
10. First day at work: to hell with hostility!
11. Gu Ye, don't worry, they won't get through!
12. If you don't like women, then marry a man
13. Is our relationship bad enough?
14. I don't care about brotherly love
15. Sleeping at your place?
16. Does Mr. Qiao want to apologize?
17. Today I must apologize well
18. In the Qiao group, a mole was wound up ...
19. Show a little sincerity
20. We are just friends
21. GU END LISISED
9000
22. Surprise for my friend
23. How do friends act?
24. How do friends act?
25. This is how friends should act
26. Is Mr. Qiao satisfied?
27. How you look like my brother...
28. May I see this piano?
29. Qiao Yang's father, elder brother and second brother are here
30. As a reward, can I play every day?
31. What did you... find in Mo Yu before?
32. Cute, small and defenseless
33. Stay a little longer, okay?
34. I will take care of you when you are sick
35. Can you have lunch with us?
36. Who hit Gu Ye?
37. What will Qiao Yang do?
38. They look good together
39. I want this watch!
40. Best friend has arrived!
41. This youngest son is a family favorite!
42. I won't leave you alone with Gu Ye
43. Difficult situation Gu Ye
44. Is there anyone more ruthless than an older brother?
45. Will you come again later?
46. I wanted to be in private - it did not work out
47. He wants to go home and misses the Piano GU E

48. Brother Chen should figure out

49. GU E in panic cold for him?
50. Gu Ye wants to stand next to him
51. Did Lao San bring a new brother to the house?
52. Smile GU HAVE
53. Because I like
54. I have come to explain who the brother is
55. Sudden attack
56. Can I care for you from now on?
57. I would have broken down the door if you hadn't come
58. I want to hear you sing
59. Do you feel real?
60. Who did you tell about our trip?
61. Mr. Gu, you are on your own
62. Don't be angry, let me explain everything
63. Yang Yang, tell me who is your brother?
64. Long Night
65. He wanted Su Cheng to see Qiao Yang like this.
67. Gu's money goes to Li Songran's account
68. Waiting for a response
69. Let everyone see how good Lao San
70. Fate
71. Our family
72. What are you doing here?
73. Did you take a sip of vinegar? I will comfort you.
74. I will quench your hunger
75. Like a prince
76. While you talked with people, I have not interfered with
77. Shang Hua: He even asked me for an autograph
78. He doesn't know anything about people and things around Gu Ye
79. What will Gu Ye's mother say when she finds out
80. Visiting Gu Ye's company
over my boyfriend?
82. Qiao Yang is a bargaining chip for Gu Ye
83. I ate... chili
84. Don't you believe me?
85. I... will kill you
86. Gu Ye is offended
87. Open relationship
88. Gu Ye, I love you
89. Qiao Yang, I love you!
90. Mr. Gu did not come to work today
91. You are the best gift in my life
92. He finally figured out what to give Gu Ye

94. You actually live in a book
95. The final part (I)
96. The final part (II)
Extra (1)
Extra (4)
Extra (5)
Extra (6)
Extra (7)

Extra (8)

* * *

Thanks

This book was a very important stage in my life - it gave me a rare opportunity to stop and look back during a crazy race to the limit. I couldn't have written it without the help of Susan Golant, writer and editor. Those who know me well cannot imagine how I have been working on a manuscript for three years. It's like imagining me flying to the moon. Susan helped me tell the story of my life with Rav and convey the chronicle of the creation of the Kabbalah Center. It took her thousands of pages of interviews, historical research, and hours of writing to get me to find my voice.

This project, although it bears my name, does not belong to one person: it belongs to everyone who shared their experience with Rav, who remembered things that I forgot about; those who found Rav's articles and lessons. It belongs to a worldwide community of dedicated people who have accepted such an unusual couple as Rav and I and the fruits of our labor.

Rav, you have always been and will forever remain a person who fills every moment of my existence with meaning, love and life. Loving you and being your partner is my purpose and blessing.

Thanks to my children: you often paid the price for our decisions. When the life of parents is subordinated to a global mission, they are not always able to give their children a calm and comfortable childhood. But still, you favorably accepted our history, no matter how complicated it may be. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I love you very much and appreciate the kind of people you have become.

Chevre Thank you for your dedication and commitment to making this path yours. The Kabbalah Center could not bring so much good to the world without a group of people who call themselves " chevre "and striving to live by wisdom and serve humanity. Thank you to our staff, sponsors and volunteers who have shared their talent, their time and financial resources so that others can learn this life-filling wisdom and so that we can light the Light every day.

Please accept my thanks to all who poured their energy into the pages of this book and the story it tells.

Foreword

This book is not a traditional biography of dates, places, and events, because my husband's life is hardly ordinary. The details of his and our life together here are woven with memories of the lessons he taught and the ideas that he burned. His every thought and action was part of a larger whole - a deep understanding of the universe, which Philip Berg, who later became known as Rav Berg, acquired and shared with others. Being his wife, I look back at the pages of our life together and notice the moments that determined the character and fate of Rav. In this book, I have included events in which his passion and service to purpose were manifested - events that also shaped my own path and our troubled family life, as well as influenced the creation of the international Kabbalah Center. Besides, it's not in my nature to strictly follow a linear plan.

Although this book is not about the principles of Kabbalah, it is impossible to separate man from knowledge and knowledge from man. One of the central themes in Kabbalah and in Rav's life is love, love for everyone, regardless of their religious views and deeds. My husband came to understand that Kabbalah, the centuries-old mystical branch of Judaism, can actually be opened to all people, regardless of their religious beliefs. But even radiating love for everything and everyone, my husband was not at all soft-bodied.

To a large extent, his love was demanding - the one that inspires people to develop and rise to a new level. He did not restrain himself if he saw that someone was spiritually dishonest, and therefore he seemed demanding and even tough to some. At other times, he was kind, especially when he felt that the person in front of him needed support. It would be fair to say that he combined the strict and gentle side of love. He knew only one way to exist: to be absolutely sincere and as truthful as possible.

To a large extent, Rav's life did not belong to him. Rather, she was the path that fate had marked out for him as part of a massive chain of succession. It can be said that Rav and I did not have what most people would call a personal life - the very life where there is a separate place and time for home, work, family and friends. On the contrary, our life was a canvas in which various experiences were woven into a single all-encompassing whole, framed by our tireless joint desire to bring Light and awareness to the world, to help people change their lives and destiny for the better.

* * *

In the 36th weekly chapter of the Torah it is said that the people of Israel led the Cloud of glory of the Creator through the wilderness. This path was determined by Divine providence. It sounds wonderful and inspiring, but like all contact with the Light in our physical world, it came at a price. No one asked these people if they wanted to travel at all, where they wanted to go and where they wanted to stay. They dutifully followed the Cloud. Where the Cloud stopped, they also stopped there, when it rose, they removed from their place and followed.

At times the terrain was uninhabitable, but the Cloud did not move. Sometimes the Israelites came to an oasis with clear water and cool shade, but the Cloud did not linger there. They never knew how long they would stay in one place or another. Sometimes, as soon as they broke their camp, the Cloud called again to the way. The Israelites wandered like this for forty years. During this time, they made 42 stops, which symbolize 42 stages of life. In every place, the people of Israel faced a test that required them to make a spiritual choice.

My life with Rav (which, by the way, lasted 42 years, from 1971 to 2013) was very similar to those wanderings in the desert. We never knew where we would be called, how long we would stay there, and what adventures we would find along the way. But that's how we lived. That was Rav. This was the life he wanted, and it suited me perfectly.

Chapter 1

Shraga Fievel Gruberger:
Early years

It is said that there is a paradox in the life of every person: our fate is known to the Creator in advance, but we are given the power and free will to change it. Whether we decide to change in this life or in future incarnations is a choice that we have to make. My husband, Philip Berg, Rav, radically reshaped his life, living it in a way he would never have imagined. The youngest son of a poor immigrant family, he became first a powerful businessman and then, through an incredible transformation, a true spiritual leader.

Rav was the first person in history who opened Kabbalah to everyone without exception, spreading this ancient wisdom everywhere, passing it on to a variety of people - men and women, Jews and not only. Thanks to his perseverance, willpower and educational activities, teachers, training programs and spiritual connections have appeared that have allowed the organization of more than forty Kabbalah Centers around the world. And today they contribute to the life of cities such as New York, London, Paris, Johannesburg, Mexico City, Moscow, Sao Paulo, Sydney, Hong Kong and Manila.

Thanks to Rav's tireless efforts and rare, most accurate vision, the wisdom of Kabbalah has reached millions of people. You will see that this path was littered with numerous obstacles, but as his venerable teacher Rav Yehuda Zvi Brandwein once said to Rav: “Your gift and your duty is to explain the wisdom of Kabbalah in such a way that any person can easily understand it.” This task was carried out by Rav with confidence, dedication and full dedication.

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Shraga Fievel Gruberger was born on August 20, 1927 years in the New York area of Brooklyn. His parents, Esther and Max Gruberger, and an older brother arrived from the Polish city of Stanisław ^[1], along with a huge wave of immigrants that flooded into the United States after the First World War and subsided by the beginning of the Great Depression. The ancestors of the family were mainly religious Jews who lived in Central Europe - Austria and Hungary - and a few immigrants from Russia and Ukraine. These were the so-called Galician Jews , members of the Ashkenazi branch of European Jews, originating from Galicia. At one time this region was part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, but the political boundaries in that part of Europe often changed their shape.

Being a Galician Jew meant belonging to a separate culture. The Jews of Galicia lived modestly. Most of them were engaged in crafts, worked in small workshops and enterprises as tailors, hatters, carpenters, locksmiths, jewelers, carried out wholesale and retail trade. They strongly believed in the power of education and in the fact that it could provide them with social growth. Many of them were engaged in medicine, for example, they were dentists. They competed with immigrants from Lithuania, the so-called Litvaks. The Galicians for the most part were inclined towards Hasidism, were more sentimental and devout, therefore Litvaks often dismissively called them imprudent and poorly educated. Polish Jews could unmistakably distinguish between people from both groups by the characteristics of Yiddish dialects and traditional dishes. The Galician Jews were known for their sweet tooth and had a habit of putting sugar even in stuffed fish - one of my husband's favorite dishes!

Arriving in New York, the Gruberger family naturally joined the Galician an enclave in Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood that had synagogues, yeshivas, shops, and familiar, comfortable surroundings. Religious Jews arriving in the US at that time were Orthodox but moderate. For example, unlike ultra-Orthodox Jews, women were not separated from men during marriage. In addition, this generation did not wear long robes and fur hats, with the exception of a few respected Hasidic rabbis. Max Gruberger, Rav's father, traditionally tied a gartle (belt) during prayer, like Rav before 1980s, but in general the community could be described as relatively modern and open.

In the 1930s and 1940s, the persecuted Lubavitcher and Satmar Hasidim had not yet emigrated to New York from Hungary and Romania and brought with them the ultra-Orthodox wave. The Hasidim never shaved their beards and wore sidelocks, but in the photos with his wife, we see Max clean-shaven, in a modern outfit - a hat and suit. The Grubergers were religious but not ultra-Orthodox Jews, I would call them "almost-Hasidim".

At that time, the Williamsburg area also received many Irish and Italian families who lived near the Jews. In fact, the entire area was inhabited by immigrants, doubling the number of its inhabitants from 1900 to 1920. By 1917, this community was the densest in all of New York—in one block adjacent to where the Grubergers lived, more than 5,000 people lived between South 2nd and South 3rd Streets—which, according to my husband, then it was still unheard of.

Rav was born two years before the stock market crash 1929 years that left millions of people unemployed, homeless and destitute. And although my husband never talked about how the Great Depression affected his family's lives, its impact could be seen in his desire to always have small savings and avoid squandering. Many people would have thought that he was frugal beyond measure. He always reminded the staff of the Kabbalah Center to turn off the lights when leaving the room. When we needed to buy something, he asked to study the prices and choose the lowest, even if this was not necessary.

When it came to publishing books, Rav bargained with publishers for every penny and sometimes ordered larger print runs than we needed because the cost of a book came out a few cents lower. Sometimes I insisted on buying a particular property for the Center, and he argued with me over a mortgage that should plunge us into debt. As a successful businessman, he was extremely conservative when it came to spending.

The Gruberger family eventually settled in a small five-story brick house without an elevator, with decorated cornices and a traditional façade. It was located at 159 South 2nd Street., just off Brooklyn's Bedford Avenue, just four or five blocks from the East River, and three blocks from the Williamsburg Bridge. The building, built in 1907, had about two dozen apartments, and an old fire station was located not far away. As was customary in those days, the facade of the house was cut by zigzags of fire escapes - here the inhabitants slept on stuffy summer nights and hung out linen that resembled a multi-colored bizarre cobweb.

The life of the family was far from being called luxurious. The five Grubergers, including Rav's older brothers Oskar and Sigmund, crammed into the 700 square feet ^[2] of a typical two-bedroom apartment. Their housing was not like old-fashioned enfilade-type apartments with through rooms. It had a more modern layout with a central corridor. These days, such an apartment can cost over a million dollars, but in 1940, when Rav was 13, his parents paid $29 a month in rent. In the neighborhood lived people of the same socio-economic background - mostly immigrants from Eastern Europe, many of whom came with families, because their children were born both on the other side of the ocean and on this side of the ocean.

Since the neighborhood was largely Jewish, the surrounding area was occupied by kosher butchers with freshly plucked chicken hanging from their necks in glass cases, large cuts of brisket, calf's liver and beef tongues in refrigerators, and sawdust strewn on the floor. On Friday mornings, the air was filled with the aroma of fresh baked goods: challah, kamishbroit ^[3], and cinnamon chocolate babka. Live pikes and carp splashed about in large tin buckets at fishmongers, ready to be stunned with blows to the head, wrapped in paper, carried home, cleaned, gutted, and served for a festive dinner.

Greengrocers' goods were crowded within the walls of the shops, and housewives scurried between the shops with their mesh shopping bags stuffed with onions, potatoes, carrots and apples, bought at a good discount for the Shabbat meal. In the afternoon, the tantalizing aromas of hot chicken soup, sweet stuffed fish, and cholent, a thick stew with beef, barley, and potatoes, hung in the air. Inhaling them, the men in anticipation hurried home from work or from the yeshiva in order to have time to prepare for Shabbat. Rav was especially fond of potato kugel, a casserole made from grated potatoes, eggs, onions and flour, which his mother often made for Shabbat dinner.

Esther Gruberger was a housewife and caring mother, as well as a pious Jew. On Shabbat, she could be found reading the Book of Psalms, according to the Hasidic custom. Esther was short and in her last years a very plump woman. I did not get to know her, but I know that Rav and his mother were very close. The husband told how she brought hot meals to him in the yeshiva, even when he was already in high school. And while her father spent most of his time at work, Esther ran the household and took care of the children. Rav always spoke of her with special warmth. He remembered his father with respect, but he did not have such tenderness for him.

During World War I, young Max Gruberger was drafted into the Russian army as a cook. He was a tall man of few words, hardworking and kind. As far as I know, he received no formal education, but, like most Jews, he spoke Yiddish and Hebrew and could read the Torah. It is not known who he worked in Poland, but in New York he became an ironer in a textile factory. My husband told me that under both the scorching sun and the biting wind, his father had to walk across the East River on the Williamsburg Bridge to get to the Lower East Side. There were countless sweatshops and shops in the area, often located on the top floors of buildings.

My husband's older brother, Oscar, who was born thirteen years before him, also worked as an ironer. It was hard work - the men lifted 20-pound irons ^[4] to bring ready-made clothes to market. In winter, people suffocated from the heat and strained their backs, working with red-hot irons in small rooms with tightly closed barred windows. In the summer they worked until blisters on their hands. In addition, this work did not bring a stable income. When orders were plentiful, staff were asked to work overtime, and when demand dropped, shop workers became unemployed.

The Grubergers did not want this fate for their youngest son. Not being Hasidim in the full sense of the word, they, perhaps not very consistently, but still adhered to orthodox traditions. So the three-year-old Shraga was sent to a religious elementary school in the hope that when he grew up he would become an educated person or even a rabbi. Parents did everything in their power to make this path easier for the boy. The family lived across the street from the elementary school, heder , and the child could come home for lunch between classes. After school, chocolate and a glass of milk were always waiting for him. My husband has retained the legendary Galician sweet tooth since childhood. At home, Rav often asked for dessert - especially kosher ice cream - for the Friday table, knowing full well that this was very harmful to his health. After my warnings, he still went to the refrigerator, took out ice cream and ate it.

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On the day Rava's bar mitzvah fell, the weekly reading was Deuteronomy 11:26–16:17. I find this prophetic, since the first word and title of chapter Ree means "look." This is the longest chapter of Deuteronomy, but, curiously, one of the few not found in the Zohar (a Kabbalistic work that is a commentary on the Torah). On the contrary, its meaning is shrouded in mystery.

Chapter Ree begins with Moses saying to the people, "Look, today I offer you a blessing and a curse." A blessing will descend when the people of Israel fulfill the commandments of the Creator, but there will be a curse if they reject them. Moses then lists the Creator's commandments, including the construction of the Temple in the place indicated by the Creator, the rejection of idolatry and human sacrifice, the eradication of communities that worship false prophets, rules of observance kashrut and the importance of giving tithing and charity.

Why do I say that this bar mitzvah reading was prophetic? As mentioned, the word " ree" means "to see. " Rav often said that Kabbalah is the doctrine of visible and invisible dimensions, the key to understanding the inner laws of the Universe. Kabbalists believe that we see only 1% of reality - the physical world, the remaining 99% - the spiritual world, which is invisible to us. Thanks to Rav and a whole generation of teachers, we have a Kabbalah that helps us see what is hidden from human eyes: the metaphysical realms that lie beyond our five senses.

Rav's work lives on today in his books and spiritual lessons, revealing to us hidden dimensions and their endless blessings. We tend to believe that the roots of all our problems and successes lie here, in physical reality, but our world is just “Satan’s playing field,” as Rav liked to say when he wanted to characterize the enemy’s hostile forces that test our strength. Kabbalists see darkness as the absence of Light. This is a negative energy that actively seeks to bring destruction, sow discord and distract us from the truth. The name of this power is Satan. It is also called an opponent or adversary.

There is more hidden from our eyes than we will ever be able to see. The wisdom of Kabbalah helps us awaken our consciousness in order to explore the secret spiritual dimensions. Kabbalah is based on the fact that three primordial forces, called Columns of Energy, prevail in the world. On the right is the positive power of giving, and on the left is the negative energy of receiving. Between them is the Central Column of Energy. Like the filament in a light bulb, it serves as resistance and balance, harmonizes positive and negative charges, and manifests the Light of the Creator. We ourselves create the Central Column by exercising our free will.

I believe that the essence of Rav's life story is contained in this chapter on vision. He started with the traditional religious community in which he was born, with all its rules and interpretations, and chose the path of an endless search for understanding beyond tradition. Ree was the head of Rav, since the meaning of his life was to shed light on the hidden, to help us all see the beauty and reach out to the wisdom of the spiritual system, standing outside our limited physical world. So humanity will be able to fulfill its mission and become, as Rav said, a "determinator." It is in our power to become the cause of change, to build around a reality in which “love your neighbor” will become the norm of life, and chaos, destruction and death will disappear from the face of the earth. Like the teacher Rav, I believe that it was his destiny to initiate all people, and not just a select few, into the teachings of Kabbalah.

My husband had an inexhaustible thirst for knowledge of the spiritual dimension and its influence. The more he studied, the clearer everything became, and with understanding came confidence in the wisdom of Kabbalah and the Light of the Creator. He gained both intuitive and intellectual understanding of these aspects of the spirit. He did not follow the rules blindly, but consciously worked to make the secret clear. He set out to help humanity use the spiritual tools of the Kabbalah to rise above the limited reality and discover the infinite source of Light. The meaning of his life was the awakening of awareness and - no less - in the pursuit of achieving physical immortality.

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However, nothing foretold such a future in my husband's early years. The wisdom of Kabbalah will enter it only after many years. Shraga Fievel Gruberger received a traditional religious education that served him well years later. My husband underwent extensive serious training in several educational institutions. From junior to high school, he attended Brooklyn's Tora Vodaas School, which has been called "the mother of American yeshivas." This respected institution, founded in 19At the age of 17, he received an orthodox education. Religious subjects were taught there in Hebrew and Aramaic, as well as in Yiddish.

In 1946, Rav studied at Beit Midrash Govocha in Lakewood, New Jersey. This yeshiva, recently founded by the eminent Rabbi Aaron Kotler, sent requests to other schools in the New York metropolitan area to send their best students to it. At the end of the school year, Shraga returned to Yeshiva Tora Vodaas to finish school. He completed his formal religious education at Beit Midrash Elyon in Monsey, a suburb of New York, an institution of higher education under the auspices of Yeshiva Torah Vodaas, at 1950-1960s was considered an elite educational institution. There he received his diploma and the title of rabbi at the end of 1951.

Through many years of deep study, my husband studied the Torah (the Pentateuch of Moses and the Oral Torah) and the Talmud. The Talmud (which is translated from Hebrew as "teaching") consists of 63 books or treatises and has a total of more than 6,000 pages. This impressive collection of the teachings of thousands of rabbis was compiled from BC to the 5th century AD. It covers Jewish ethics, philosophy, traditions, history, and folklore, among other topics, and is the foundation of all Jewish law. These 63 books are divided into two parts: the Mishna, a written retelling of the Oral Torah - all the laws, norms and interpretations that are not included in the original Pentateuch of Moses, and the Gmara, written around the 5th century CE. which explains and completes the Mishnah. My husband also studied the Midrash, an anthology of thousands of interpretations of Torah passages, rabbinical sermons, instructions, expositions, and commentaries.

While in high school, Rav often took a horse and wagon to Jamaica Bay to help his family. In those days, this area was a huge swamp. He cut reeds growing in the bog, loaded them into a wagon and brought them home to sell to neighbors to build a sukkah (a specially built hut) for the Sukkot holiday. An old friend of my husband told me that in 1947 Rav's father brought sweaters from the sewing workshop and Rav sold them to his classmates for $2 each.

After receiving the title of rabbi in 1951, Rav began teaching the basics of Torah in the junior classes of the nearby yeshiva in Monsey, which was a common practice for young rabbis. Around the same time, he married Rivka Brandwein. As was customary in their circle, her parents paid the young couple $10,000 as a small dowry for family expenses and the ransom of their first child.

Rivka was described as a modest girl who came from a prosperous Israeli settler family. Her ancestors, starting from the 16th century, lived in Safed, considered one of the four holy Jewish cities and a center for the study of Kabbalah. As far as we know, Rivka's line goes directly to King David, which means that her family is related to every prominent rabbi in history, including the legendary Baal Shem Tov. Rivka's father is a fourth or fifth generation Israeli, his ancestors are buried in the ancient Old Cemetery, where the great Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzhak Luria (Ari) was buried centuries earlier. Since there were no such prominent people in Rav's family, the union with Rivka was a source of great pride for his parents.

Rav and his young wife began their life together in Brooklyn's Jewish neighborhood near Eastern Parkway and Prospect Park, where many Orthodox families still live today. In this marriage, eight children were born - four girls and four boys. With dowry money, Rav bought a three-story townhouse with coffered ceilings. He and his wife occupied the top floor, rented the second floor to another family, and the bottom floor was rented as a warehouse. Rivka's sister lived four blocks away on Carroll Street. And although Rivka's parents remained in Israel, her brother also settled nearby in New York. Rav's parents by that time had moved to the Rockaway beach area, and brother Sigmund lived in the Flatbush area of Brooklyn.

Despite the seeming prosperity of the traditional life of a rabbi, a few years after the Rav began teaching in the yeshiva, his soul became restless. He felt that this was not the case for him. Anxiety settled in him. Rav kept asking himself, “What can I really achieve?” At that time, he began to part with some illusions about religion. Orthodox Judaism as taught did not provide practical answers to real life questions. Rav needed to try his hand at something else.

It is very important to understand that, despite the disappointments, my husband never renounced Orthodox Judaism. And he never stopped teaching people. After all, Rav was a Leo, and they are all born teachers.

Philipp Gruberger started a business with his brother-in-law, Herschel Wallinger, the husband of Rivka's sister. Shraga Fievel was my husband's Hebrew name, and Philip was the English equivalent of Fievel, which he used for social affairs. Later, when we moved to Israel, we shortened the name Gruberger to Berg. Philip Gruberger and Herschel Wallinger became insurance agents and opened an office in downtown Brooklyn at 127 Remsen Street, near Borough Hall Station. Here they issued policies for government and municipal buildings in New York and insured general contractors.

By custom, Orthodox men and married women are not to go bareheaded. Men wear hats or kippahs and women wear hats or wigs. Rav never came to meetings with his head uncovered, but when in some situations he felt that a kippah or hat would be out of place, he would put on a small wig.

Their business quickly flourished.

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Thanks

Foreword

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Chapter 1

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