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Help heal a broken heart


How to Heal a Broken Heart: 10 Tips

Dana Bottari, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Florida, says that at the start of a relationship, our thoughts tend to be happy and uplifting. “We may have felt good about ourselves — thoughts about the time our ex commented that we were beautiful or handsome or how much they loved us,” she says.

However, when the relationship ends, your thoughts may be mixed. “We have the positive messages that were given by our ex, combined with perhaps our own judgmental thoughts that we are not good enough or thoughts that things never work out for us,” explains Bottari.

Thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect actions, she says. When you’re feeling down, you may engage in behaviors you typically don’t. For example, you may skip showering or avoid getting together with friends and family. “We may now feel more alone than ever,” Bottari says.

Gina Moffa, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City, adds that the details and circumstances of a breakup determine how you feel.

“If you feel you’re leaving someone in a painful place after you end it, you may be ridden with guilt and sadness. If you’re the one who’s been broken up with, you may be in a state of shock and go through different phases of grief, including anger, bargaining, depression, and anxiety,” explains Moffa.

As you cope with the loss of a relationship, these tips may help you on your journey to healing.

1.

Take time to grieve

If possible, try to think of the loss of the relationship as a grieving process.

“Give yourself time. Do not try to find someone new right away,” says Bottari. “The best thing we can do is to try to honor our emotions and not judge our emotions.”

To validate your emotions, it may help you to reframe your thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t feel so sad,” Bottari recommends thinking, “I am experiencing feelings of sadness, and that’s OK.”

While some people take time to be alone, look inward, or see a therapist to work through the complicated emotions of a breakup, others may suppress painful feelings and jump into another relationship. “I don’t recommend that. We need time to heal what’s been shattered,” says Moffa.

“We need time to look within and take inventory of what patterns we may have taken into the relationship with us that no longer work. We need to tend to our wounded hearts and take the time to allow the healing to happen with time, care, gentleness, and deeper self-understanding,” she says.

2.

Find a new source of joy

When you make time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection, Moffa says that this can lead to connection with what may have once brought you peace, joy, or inspiration but was put on hold during your relationship.

“We may be more open to saying ‘yes’ to new things, people, and experiences as a way to explore a newfound sense of freedom, even if it hurts,” she says.

Bottari suggests pushing yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it. “Chances are, even after meeting a friend for lunch, you arrive home feeling better than had you stayed home,” she says.

3.

Make a list of what you like about yourself

When you are feeling low about yourself, consider making a list of all the good things you did for your past partner or all the qualities they liked about you — and the qualities you like about yourself.

For example, you might write a self-love list like this:

  • I made him coffee in the morning.
  • I picked her up from the train station when it rained.
  • I put on her favorite song when she was sad.
  • I reminded him about his dad’s birthday.

You may also find it helpful to write out a list of positive things you’ll do in future relationships.

If you’d rather not think about relationships, Bottari suggests searching the internet for self-affirmations that resonate with you, such as:

  • I am not my mistakes.
  • I am enough.
  • There is no wrong decision.

“Recite these when you are having negative or self-defeating thoughts,” Bottari says.

4.

Acknowledge thoughts about your former partner

When thoughts of your ex arise, try not to stop or block them. Instead, Bottari says, practice being a “witness” to these thoughts. When the thoughts come up, take a step back and acknowledge them.

“You know you are experiencing them; they are passing through your mind. You observe them. You practice observing and letting them go,” she explains.

“The minute you pay attention to one and label it as something ‘important,’ you are no longer witnessing them. You are now judging them. Judging brings more negative emotions since your expectations were not met.”

5.

Express your needs to others

If you’re not feeling up to meeting friends out or are having a hard time following through on commitments, try to share your feelings with others.

“Try to reconsider your needs at this time and let others know what you are dealing with,” says Bottari. “Many people have felt the same way and will understand that you might need some time to return to your normal state. ”

6.

Turn your attention toward others

When the pain of a breakup is too hard to bear, you may find that focusing on the needs of others can help bring feelings of wellbeing and distract you from focusing on yourself, explains Bottari.

Consider volunteering at a local soup kitchen or animal shelter, helping a friend in need with meals or cleaning, or cutting a neighbor’s grass.

7.

Allow emotions to flow

You may find it helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about emotions related to your breakup or ex-partner.

If you’re not comfortable sharing all of your feelings, consider writing them down or meditating on them. You can also engage in another project, such as painting, that may help you release what’s on your mind.

8.

Find relief in exercise and movement

Research shows that exercise can reduce stress. “Use exercise as a healthy outlet to manage feelings of anxiety, sadness, lethargy, and stress,” Bottari says.

A daily walk, bike ride, or online workout video are ways to work exercise into your daily routine when you’re feeling sad or stressed about the breakup.

9.

Avoid activities that remind you of your ex

If you continue to feel overwhelmed by unwanted thoughts and emotions, consider staying away from places, music, and people who remind you of your ex for a little while.

“Try to go places that make you feel safe. Surround yourself with people that care about you. Go places that you have never been. Take a day trip and explore,” suggests Bottari.

10.

Make meaning of the breakup

If possible, try to make meaning of the relationship ending, or accept that there’s no meaning to why it ended.

“Over time, you may come to realize that the end of your relationship was ultimately in your best interest. However, it is possible that you might not be able to find any positive in the relationship ending. Both are valid conclusions. Try to have faith and keep moving forward,” says Bottari.

A breakup can leave you feeling sad and alone, no matter who made the decision to split up. Cycling through a variety of feelings after a breakup is normal, especially if it was unexpected.

“We forget that we are meant to grow and change and learn. That doesn’t always happen at the same time or in the same way in a relationship,” says Moffa.

“Sometimes, one person changes and the other doesn’t. So, be gentle with yourself. You’re changing and growing and healing. We can’t do that all by force.”

Remember, it’s OK to not feel OK for a while. Give yourself time to process the loss of the relationship and practice self-compassion.

32 Tips for Moving Forward

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Heartbreak is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress.

While many people associate a broken heart with the end of a romantic relationship, therapist Jenna Palumbo, LCPC, emphasizes that “grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.

There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.

It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.

Give yourself permission to grieve

Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.

“Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.

Take care of yourself

When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.

Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.

Lead the way in letting people know what you need

Everyone copes with loss in their own way, says Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.

She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks.

Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.

Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)

How it works:

  • Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.
  • Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.
  • When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.

Go outdoors

Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help.

Read self-help books and listen to podcasts

Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone.

Reading a book (we’ve got some recommendations later in this article) or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions.

Try a feel-good activity

Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh.

Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart.

Seek professional help

It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help.

If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.

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After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.

Don’t try to suppress the pain

“Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” says Carpenter. Instead, “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”

Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.

Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.

Create space in your schedule

When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.

Foster new traditions

If you’ve ended a relationship or lost a loved one, you may feel like you’ve lost a lifetime of traditions and rituals. Holidays can be particularly hard.

Allow friends and family to help you create new traditions and memories. Don’t hesitate to reach out for some extra support during major holidays.

Write it down

Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others.

Here’s a guide to get you started.

Find a support system

Regularly attending or engaging in in-person or online support groups can provide a safe environment to help you cope. It’s also healing to share your feelings and challenges with those in similar situations.

Connect with yourself

Going through a big loss or change can leave you feeling a little unsure of yourself and who you are. You can do this by connecting to your body through exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with your spiritual and philosophical beliefs.

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As you navigate the process of healing a broken heart, it’s helpful to have realistic expectations about the process. From pop songs to rom-coms, society can give a warped view of what heartbreak actually entails.

Here are a few things to keep in the back of your mind.

Your experience is valid

The death of a loved one is the more overt form of grief, Palumbo explains, but covert grief can look like the loss of a friendship or relationship. Or maybe you’re starting a new phase of your life by changing careers or becoming an empty nester.

Whatever it is, it’s important to validate your grief. This simply means recognizing the impact it’s had on your life.

It’s not a competition

It’s natural to compare your situation to that of others, but heartbreak and grieving aren’t a competition.

Just because it’s the loss of a friendship and not the death of a friend doesn’t mean the process isn’t the same, says Palumbo. “You’re relearning how to live in a world without an important relationship you once had.”

There’s no expiration date

Grief is not the same for everyone and it has no timetable. Avoid statements like “I should be moving on by now,” and give yourself all of the time you need to heal.

You can’t avoid it

As hard as it might feel, you have to move through it. The more you put off dealing with painful emotions, the longer it will take for you to start feeling better.

Expect the unexpected

As your grief evolves, so will the intensity and frequency of heartbreak. At times it will feel like soft waves that come and go. But some days, it might feel like an uncontrollable jolt of emotion. Try not to judge how your emotions manifest.

You’ll have periods of happiness

Remember that it’s okay to fully experience moments of joy as you grieve. Spend part of each day focusing on the present moment, and allow yourself to embrace the good things in life.

If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, this might bring up some feelings of guilt. But experiencing joy and happiness is crucial to moving forward. And forcing yourself to stay in a negative state of mind won’t change the situation.

It’s okay to not be okay

A profound loss, like the death of a loved one, is going to look vastly different from a job rejection, notes therapist Victoria Fisher, LMSW. “In both cases, it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and remember that it’s okay not to be okay.”

Even if you’re doing everything you can to work through your heartbreak, you’ll probably still have off days. Take them as they come and try again tomorrow.

Seek self-acceptance

Don’t expect your suffering to go away sooner than when it’s ready. Try to accept your new reality and understand that your grief will take some time to heal.

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When you’re dealing with heartbreak, books can be both a distraction and a healing tool. They don’t have to be big self-help books, either. Personal accounts of how others have lived through grief can be just as powerful.

Here are some titles to get you started.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling book “Wild,” compiled questions and answers from her formerly anonymous advice column. Each in-depth response offers insightful and compassionate advice for anyone who’s experienced a wide range of losses including infidelity, a loveless marriage, or death in the family.

Purchase online.

Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace

Acclaimed author Anne Lamott delivers profound, honest, and unexpected stories that teach us how to turn toward love even in the most hopeless situations. Just be aware that there are some religious undertones in her work.

Purchase online.

Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved

Psychologist and survivor of suicide Dr. Sarah Neustadter provides a roadmap navigating the complicated emotions of grief and turning despair into beauty.

Purchase online.

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: How to Turn the Pain of a Breakup Into Healing, Insight, and New Love

Through her gentle, encouraging wisdom, Susan Piver offers recommendations for recovering from the trauma of a broken heart. Think of it as a prescription for dealing with the anguish and disappointment of a breakup.

Purchase online.

On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard

Despite being nearly deaf and experiencing the debilitating loss of her father as a child, author Jennifer Pastiloff learned how to rebuild her life by listening fiercely and caring for others.

Purchase online.

The Year of Magical Thinking

For anyone who’s experienced the sudden death of a spouse, Joan Didion offers a raw and honest portrayal of a marriage and life that explores illness, trauma, and death.

Purchase online.

No Mud, No Lotus

With compassion and simplicity, Buddhist monk and Vietnam refugee Thich Nhat Hanh provides practices for embracing pain and finding true joy.

Purchase online.

How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life

Howard Bronson and Mike Riley lead you through recovering from the end of a romantic relationship with insights and exercises meant to help you heal and build resilience.

Purchase online.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Through her heartfelt, honest storytelling, Brené Brown, PhD, explores how we can strengthen our connection to the world and cultivate feelings of self-acceptance and love.

Purchase online.

The hard truth of going through loss is that it can change your life forever. There will be moments when you feel overcome with heartache. But there will be others when you see a glimmer of light.

For some grief, as Fisher notes, “it’s a matter of surviving for a while until you gradually build a new, different life with an open space for the grief when it arises.”

Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Find her at cindylamothe. com.

Is it possible to heal a broken heart in terms of science?

Psychology

The universal spell "time heals" until recently was the basis of restorative therapy for broken hearts. Fortunately, science does not stand still, and scientists have finally found something worthwhile, embodied in an effective (and fast!) Way to solve the problem.

"Love and Other Medicines"

Breaking up a relationship is an ordeal that is difficult to overcome. Separation turns the world inside out, knocks you down, drives you into tears, twists your stomach, and does not let you fall asleep. Psychologists have found that suffering becomes especially unbearable if you are left for someone else. “Apart from the fact that the breakup due to infidelity forces the abandoned to endlessly torment themselves with questions about what is better than the other, experiences about this increase the conflict between a growing sense of alienation and an internal need for belonging,” explains one of the recent articles in the Journal of Psychology personality and social psychology”.

"Love and Other Medicines"

But there is good news: emotions after separation can be corrected! A recent study at the University of Colorado Boulder showed that the pain associated with a tear can be alleviated with the help of a placebo (the so-called “dummy” given to the patient as real medicine).

"Love and Other Medicines"

Forty men and women who were victims of love dramas volunteered to participate in a study on how the brain reacts to a breakup. Participants were asked to bring along a photo of their loved one. After looking at the picture and thinking about the recent breakup, all respondents underwent MRI of the brain. After that, they were expected to continue the experiment (no less cruel): they were inflicted with physical pain (for sympathizers there is a detail - it is not clear what, but in the forearm) and again sent for an MRI.

"Love and Other Medicines"

As a result, it turned out that physical and emotional pain activates similar parts of the brain. As the lead author of the study, professor of psychology and neuroscience Thor Wager summarized: "Emotional suffering, in particular the experience of a breakup with loved ones, is not inferior to physical and is just as real from a neurochemical point of view."

"Love and Other Medicines"

But that's not all. The scientists continued to experiment on those with broken hearts, dividing the participants into two groups and giving the first nasal spray designed to relieve emotional pain (actually it was a placebo). Other volunteers also received an aerosol, but they knew that it contained only saline. After two weeks, those who knew they were irrigating their nostrils with salted water did not lessen their feelings, but the rest, believing that they were using something effective, felt much better.

Love and Other Medicines

Impressive? Definitely. Different types of suffering involve the same areas of the brain, but emotional trauma heals faster if you make the brain believe in a healing agent. It remains only to find a therapist who will prescribe sweets, sorry, pills for a broken heart.

Smirnova Natasha

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  • Psychology

Four methods of healing a broken heart

32,073

Man and woman Know thyself

“We parted two months ago by mutual agreement. By this point, it was clear to both of us that our difficult relationship would lead nowhere. I don't want him back, but I can't forget him either. All the time I remember those days and nights when we were good together. I often cry. It is difficult to do even daily activities. Advise me what to do,” asks 29-year-old Anastasia.

32-year-old Eugene echoes her: “I have been in love with Marina for a long time, I tried to court, but I immediately realized that this was a hopeless case: she would soon marry someone else. I would really like to just forget her and switch. I've tried dating other women... that's not it at all! After each meeting, I think that everything would be different with Marina. These thoughts are driving me crazy."

Immersed in a painful sense of loss, all those who have suffered from unrequited love since antiquity ask themselves: how to endure this ordeal - one of the most difficult? Who will help to heal from love? The ancient Roman poet Ovid tried to answer this question with a long poem "The Cure for Love".

Today, the internet is the go-to guide, where you can find numerous stories about "how I forgot my ex" or cure love with wikiHow, the premier online guide that "teaches you to do everything." The longest of his instructions on how to fall out of love includes 17 steps.

Ovid's recipes

In the second year of our era, when Ovid was accused of wasting his talent only on singing love, he responded by writing a poem of 814 verses in which he teaches "the art of falling out of love." Here are some quotes from her.

“Avoid idleness: idleness breeds love and nourishes it. She is both the cause and the food for this so sweet affliction.”

***

“Keep apparent calmness, and this calmness, at first feigned, will become real. May you have the strength to consider yourself healed, and you will definitely be healed.

***

“Isn't it wiser to remain silent than to keep repeating that you don't love anymore? The one who says, "I don't love anymore," still loves. Gradually, and not immediately, we extinguish our flame. Hurry slowly and you will be saved from adversity.

Society tends to regard unrequited love as an annoying hindrance that reduces our social "efficiency". And since surgeons have learned how to transplant a heart, we are also trying to heal it with the help of modern methods. But which one do you prefer?

We interviewed four experts. Their approaches are different but effective. The choice depends on the goals that we set for ourselves.

Psychodrama to complete the relationship

Ekaterina Lopukhina, psychodramatist

Motto: become the author of your own life. We often feel that something is happening to us, and we can only worry about it. But we also compose our life, and every author knows that the hero goes through trials in order to acquire new qualities. Psychodrama helps to make trials a part of life experience, to understand how and why they change us.

How it works: reach agreement with all parts of your personality. Our suffering is explained by the conflict of parts: one wants to return to the relationship, the other wants to end it. There is one that is angry and one that is sad. The psychodramatist will offer to isolate each part as a separate character and give it the opportunity to express position and feelings. Then these parts can enter into a dialogue, but even the first stage of the work - distinguishing between individual voices in the inner turmoil - already helps the sufferer from love.

It is also possible to discover that part of ourselves that we feel we have lost with the end of a relationship. What was I like in these relationships, what do I miss so much? Our task is to “call” this part with its qualities back and find a place for it in our life. There is a lot to be said in a relationship. And if they are interrupted, the feelings and thoughts addressed to the partner remain unexpressed. Psychodrama offers a conversation with an imaginary partner in a symbolic space.

What has been started must be completed so that there is no story without an end, which makes us scroll through failed explanations in our heads. In addition, we can come up with farewell rituals and act them out.

Limitations: the method is not suitable for those whose emotions are difficult to control, who are "overwhelmed" or "knocked down" by feelings. It is also unlikely to suit those who, in principle, find it difficult and do not want to speak.

Hypnosis to calm down

Miriam Ruhr, Coach

Motto: don't let others go their way, but go your own way. Ericksonian hypnosis is like an ambulance, it offers the victim of love to say goodbye to affective addiction as soon as possible. The client is first asked to remember his grief, then prompted to let go of the loved one from memory, "dissolving" the emotional charge associated with him. In this way, you can quickly go through the mandatory and necessary stages of mourning: denial, anger, feelings of injustice, sadness and even depression, and then renewal. All this happens in less than six months.

How it works: change the perception of loss through metaphors. Assuming a comfortable position, plunging into a state of slightly altered consciousness, the client follows the therapist's metaphors. These metaphors show the loss of love in a different light and allow you to take it with more calmness. At this stage, the client is helped to "unanchor" the trauma and then new anchors are created for safer reactions.

A precaution in this technique: throughout the process, the therapist checks that regrets, desire, longing, resentment, or hatred towards the former partner have indeed been "deprogrammed". After all, hating him is out of the question (that would be another way to maintain affection).

Restrictions: some cannot be hypnotized. Hypnosis is often associated with suggestion: if an idea, an image, a belief is suggested to us, will the reaction to them be the same as if they arose on their own? Everyone has their own answer to this.

Psychoanalysis to recover

Maria Eril, psychotherapist

Motto: to restore narcissistic integrity. Each of us is characterized by narcissism. It breaks down when the relationship breaks. Our social status is changing: we become loners. We are losing our usual support: next to us there is no longer the one who raised our self-esteem, said: “you look good”, “you are the best” ...

The period before a breakup is often also painful: we felt wrong, we heard reproaches and accusations. This is how integrity is lost. And psychoanalysis helps to restore it.

How it works: take your time and understand what is happening. If we set ourselves the task of quickly falling out of love, then we achieve the opposite, aggravating suffering with a new failure. It is better to prepare for the fact that we have a difficult period ahead. The more we take care of ourselves, the more likely we will be able to pass it safely. And although the desire to quickly finish the love story is understandable, trying to unwind and get distracted is not the best tactic here.

Some are looking for new sexual adventures, new partners. Often this experience makes the situation worse. Compared to the meaninglessness of random meetings, the value of lost relationships will increase. For the same reason, you should not try to continue your sexual life without a partner. Overall, masturbation is a positive experience, a way to get to know yourself better. But after parting, the images that arise in sexual fantasies are associated with the person we have lost. This can make it harder to access orgasm, and not achieving orgasm is another blow to self-esteem.

Therefore, it is better to turn to the inner child, to the pleasures that the sensation of the physical body gives us: to run, to walk. It is important to understand that "I am good on my own, without a partner, I fill the world, the world is more interesting with me than without me."

Restrictions: this method is for those who have the time and money. And also the desire to look for the origins of their problems. For those who do not want or are not ready to go through disturbing memories, the psychoanalytic method of free association will not be the most suitable.

Philosophy to console yourself

Julia Sineokaya, philosopher

Motto: parting with a loved one does not mean parting with love. Learning how to stop loving is impossible, and not necessary. Love is the greatest blessing. In the dialogue about love "Feast", Plato proves that love is much more important than being loved, love is the main gift of the gods to people, only love opens the way to gaining meaning, self-improvement, immortality. Undoubtedly, losing a loved one is a tragedy. It hurts when he doesn't love you back. It is even more painful when the feeling goes out of life irrevocably.

How it works: ask yourself questions and answer them honestly. One of these important questions is what exactly torments us: love or desire to possess, an unsatisfied sense of ownership. If you really love, your love cannot be taken away from you as long as you yourself are alive.

If a loved one is alive, but does not want to be with you, give him the freedom to be himself, and if possible, continue to do good for him without expecting a reward, because you do it from an excess of feeling, and do not lend and do not doing the exchange. The greatest joy is to do good to the one you love. You can do otherwise, say to yourself: "I do not know how to love those who do not love me." This formula can help, heal, and if it works, great! However, this will mean that your feeling was not true love.

To meet a person whom you deeply loved, with whom you spent a happy time, is the rarest gift that you will keep in your soul, having learned over time to draw from it not suffering, but strength.

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