My only friend is moving away

How to Deal With a Friend Moving Away

“Recently, my best friend moved away for a job. All my friends from college moved away after we graduated, so she was my only friend in this city, besides a few people I’ve met at work. How can I get over this and move on with my life without having any friends?”

It can be tough when a friend moves away, especially if they were someone you were really close with or used to spend a lot of time with. In our increasingly connected world, physical distance is not as much of a barrier, so it may be possible to remain close friends with someone, even after they move away.

In other cases, you may grow apart or lose touch with a friend who moves away, in which cases you will need to find ways to work through your feelings of loss and find ways to move forward with your life.

Studies have found that many people can maintain close long-distance relationships with people, so a friend moving away doesn’t have to mean the end of your friendship. ^{[1, 2]} The key is to be willing to find new ways to connect and support one another, and both people need to be willing to put in the time and effort.^[2]

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings

It’s normal to have mixed feelings when you learn that a close friend is moving away. You may be happy for them, especially if they are moving for a new job or opportunity, but you probably also feel sad at the same time. While it might feel impossible to feel happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time, it’s entirely normal.

Making space for these seemingly opposite emotions will be easier than trying to force one of your feelings to go away, which may not even be possible. Instead of thinking you “should” feel happy for them, allow yourself to feel all of your feelings, no matter how wrong or mixed up they seem.

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2. Make the most of your remaining time together

If you have some advance notice that a close friend is going to be moving away, try to make the most of this time by spending quality time with your friend before they go. While it’s commonly believed that quantity of time is what contributes to closeness among friends, recent research indicates that the quality of time spent matters more. ^[3]

Quality time means different things for different people, but often involves:^[4]

Attending fun events or activities together
Making new memories together
Spending time one-on-one with them
Having deep conversations with them
Returning to places where you’ve shared a lot of good memories

3. Let them know how you really feel

When your friend announces they will be leaving, make sure to let them know you will miss them, instead of playing it cool, hiding your feelings, or assuming they know how you feel. Not everyone is great at showing affection or letting others know they care about them, but it’s important to find your own way of letting your friend know how you feel.

Some of the ways you can let your friend know how you feel about them and how much you value your friendship include:^[4]

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Giving them a small, thoughtful, or sentimental gift like a photo album or customized playlist of songs that remind you of time with them
Writing them a card, letter or a good farewell message to let them know what they mean to you and how much you’ll miss them
Talking with them about how much you’ll miss them or some of the fond memories you’ll always carry of your time together

4. Offer to help them with the move

Good friends are there for each other during times of need. Resist any urges you might have to distance yourself from your friend during their last days because of feeling sad and make an effort to show up to help if they need it. Because they will probably be very busy in the weeks and days leading up to the move, this may be one of the only ways you can squeeze in some quality time with them before they leave.

Offering to help them pack, move boxes, or clean out their old home are all great ways to pitch in a helping hand while proving that you are a good friend. Acts of service are also one of the 5 love languages and are great ways to show friends, family, and other loved ones that you care about them.^[4]

5. Celebrate them before they leave

If the move is a happy one, planning a celebratory farewell is a great way to give your friend an epic send-off while also gathering together any of their family members or mutual friends you have. Many people feel shy about arranging their own party, so taking the lead on this can help ensure that this happens.

Even if the move is a more somber one (like them moving back home to help take care of a loved one who is sick), you can still plan a farewell party for them. A celebration with loved ones may help you feel better and could still be greatly appreciated by your friend.

6. Keep mementos of your friendship

After they move away, you probably won’t be seeing them as often and will also have times when you feel really lonely, sad, or are missing them. It can help to have some pictures or mementos in these moments that can help you reflect on some of the good memories you had with them.

If you don’t have a lot of pictures, social media posts, or records of your friendship, it may be a good time to start making some. Consider taking some pictures or videos together or finding other ways to document your time with them. This way, you’ll be able to keep records of some of your shared memories and have something you can look back on during times when you’re missing them.

7. Make a plan for your long-distance friendship

It’s all too common that when one person moves away, people lose touch, even with some of their closest friends. Often, this can be prevented as long as both of you make an effort to stay in touch and keep the friendship alive. In fact, research has proven that people in long-distance relationships can not only keep in touch but can also maintain close, highly satisfying relationships.^[1]

8. Build in some self-care rituals

Self-care rituals and activities will help to boost your spirits during times when you’re feeling down.

Self-care activities are any healthy outlets or activities that relieve stress or help you relax or find enjoyment. Ideas for self-care include:^[5]

Exercising, which can help to release feel-good brain chemicals that boost your mood and energy levels
Meditation, yoga, or mindfulness activities which can help you de-stress, relax, and unhook from difficult thoughts and feelings
Creative outlets like writing, painting, crafting, or DIY projects that give you a sense of fulfillment and enjoyment
Social activities like spending time with friends or loved ones, going to meetups, or attending events or activities in your community

9. Strengthen your other friendships

Good relationships are central to health and happiness and will go a long way towards easing the grief after a close friend moves away. ^[5] Spending more time with some of your other friends and making an effort to deepen your relationship by opening up to them is a good way to get closer with a friend.

If you need to broaden your social circle, there are many ways to meet new people, including trying to get closer to people at work or even venturing out in your community to meetups, events, or taking classes. Also, there are some great friend apps that can help you connect with find like-minded people who live near you.

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10. Find ways to enrich your “new normal”

Even if you don’t feel like it, try to push yourself to get out, do new things, meet new people and make friends. By trying to enrich your daily life with meaningful interactions, activities, and tasks you enjoy doing, you will find it easier to cope with feelings of sadness, loss, and loneliness. ^[5] There are bound to be some empty spaces and time slots in your schedule after a close friend moves away, and working to fill in these gaps with other people, enjoyable activities, and new routines can help you find a “new normal.”

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Final thoughts

In many instances, it’s possible to maintain your friendship, even from a distance. Technology offers many ways to bridge physical distances and remain in contact with people, but it does require the effort of both people. If one person doesn’t make this effort, it may mean you lose touch with your friend, which may cause some sadness, grief, and loneliness. In this case, it may be essential to get out, meet new people, and work on strengthening your other friendships.

What do you say to a friend that’s moving away?

Try to let your friend know that while you’re happy and excited for them (if it’s a positive move), you are also sad and will miss them. This lets them know that they matter to you and is important for them to hear.

What gift should I give my friend when they move?

A gift will usually mean more if it is thoughtful rather than expensive. Consider giving something with sentimental value (like a photo album or something that reminds them of an inside joke), or you could give them something you know they either need or would enjoy.

What if all my friends moved away?

If all of your friends moved away, you will need to be especially proactive about getting out, meeting people, and making new friends. You can do this by trying to make friends with people at work or school, by attending a meetup or class, or by using a friend app.

Will my friend and I be able to maintain friendship long-distance?

According to research on people in long-distance relationships, it is possible to maintain a close, satisfying bond with people, even when you live in different places. The keys are trust, communication, and negotiating new expectations for the friendship.^{[1, 2]}

Show references +

References

Aylor, B. A. (2003). Maintaining long-distance relationships. Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, Contextual, and Cultural Variations, 127-139.
Johnson, A. J., Haigh, M. M., Craig, E. A., & Becker, J. A. (2009). Relational closeness: Comparing undergraduate college students’ geographically close and long‐distance friendships. Personal Relationships, 16(4), 631-646.
Guldner, G. T., & Swensen, C. H. (1995). Time Spent Together and Relationship Quality: Long-Distance Relationships as a Test Case. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 12(2), 313–320.
Chapman, G. D. (2015). The five love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Hays, P. A. (2014). Creating well-being: Four steps to a happier, healthier life. American Psychological Association.
Tillmann-Healy, L. M. (2003). Friendship as Method. Qualitative Inquiry, 9(5), 729–749.

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What To Do When Your Friends Start Moving Away — The Good Trade

Self

Dec 16

Written By Danielle Cheesman

Embracing Connection & Community

The friendships we make in school and at work are blessed with the framework of four walls, a tangible space that becomes a reliable and consistent ground for our shared laughs, stories, and goals. But as we get older and our personal plans and paths begin to change, “growing apart” can start to feel more literal than figurative. Distance is created and it’s not abstract; it’s the kind that you can see on a map.

Whether we meet our significant others, get bitten by the travel bug, feel the urge to return to our roots, or seek more challenging career opportunities, moving away from one home to create a new life in another isn’t uncommon. And yet, no matter how many times it happens, the transitions don’t get any easier.

Since the start of the COVID-19, more than a handful of my close friends, co-workers, and childhood mates have left Los Angeles. One by one, for reasons both personal and pandemic-related, they’ve packed up, made teary goodbyes, and taken a chance on a new (or familiar) city. (One friend actually chose no destination at all; only a van and some plotted points along the coast.) And while the first departure felt like a fluke, the sixth (in nearly as many months) feels like a gut punch.

When friends move, we move too, through consuming feelings of joy, sadness, and jealousy; of pride, inspiration, and excitement.

When friends move, we move too, through consuming feelings of joy, sadness, and jealousy; of pride, inspiration, and excitement. We can be left wondering how to tend to our own emotions while assuring that we unconditionally support theirs. But through honest self-talk, connection, and community, both can be possible. Here’s how.

Embrace The Duality

Oftentimes, when we experience personal feelings of sadness over our friend’s departure, they’re paired with subsequent emotions of shame or guilt. We fear that our grief will turn a should-be celebratory moment into a selfish one. And we may even want to suppress our sadness in the name of being “supportive.” But both can be true.

It’s okay to feel both sad that your friend is leaving and, at the same time, happy for their new experience.

— Darcie Brown, LMFT

According to Darcie Brown, LMFT, we should embrace all of our emotions, even if they feel conflicting. “Acknowledge that it's okay to feel both sad that your friend is leaving and, at the same time, happy for their new experience,” Brown says. “This is called duality, and it means that humans can experience two, or more, emotions at the same time. Sometimes this can feel confusing, and people may wonder if there's something wrong with them for feeling both.”

So to make room for all the feelings that may arise, Brown offers an example of an honest and expanding conversation we can have with ourselves: “It makes sense that I would feel this way because...this is a close friend whom I care about and…I’m super happy that she's making the best decision for her and…I know we can still keep in touch.”

If it’s envious emotions that we feel consumed by, fellow licensed marriage & family therapist Nicole Arzt says those too can be transformed into more empathetic action. “Jealousy can be a motivator if you harness it appropriately,” says Arzt. “Perhaps you're starting to feel restless or dissatisfied. If something needs to change, start making a plan for how you intend to take the right steps moving forward.”

Commit To Connection

As much as we may want to prove our affection to our friends with bold acts of BFF-dom and by expressing how less-than we’ll feel because of this “loss,” an overabundance of such expression can be untimely. Moving is stressful, and venting directly to a moving friend can exacerbate the most challenging aspects of their choice or put a damper on the most exciting ones. Instead, once we’ve shared the sweetest of our sentiments, we should provide them with both physical and emotional support.

Once they’ve departed, we can write them letters, regularly send texts and trinkets that make us think of them, and set-up dinner dates via video.

Prior to them leaving, we can plan a party, help them pack, and document the moving day with photos and videos. We can buy or handmake farewell gifts and excitedly create itineraries for their new city. And once they’ve departed, we can write them letters, regularly send texts and trinkets that make us think of them, and set-up dinner dates via video.

Brown suggests we chat with the friend(s) about our personal preferred ways to stay connected, and Arzt insists that we then create (and stick to!) standing appointments.

“Make the effort to continue with your relationship,” says Arzt. “Most friendships fade away after someone moves, but if you are willing to put forth the time and energy to stay close, it's possible to continue feeling connected.” Luckily, in an increasingly digital era, the options are endless. Here are a few other ways to maintain a long-distance friendship.

Prioritize Community

Once our loved one has reached their new locale, feelings of guilt may resurface as we begin to process, accept, and ultimately adapt to their departure. But prolonged grieving doesn’t prove a point, nor does it win a prize. It’s healthy to move on while “mourning.” In fact, it’s necessary. According to Brown, while embracing one friend’s absence, we should intentionally seek, nurture, and maintain the others.

While embracing one friend’s absence, we should intentionally seek, nurture, and maintain the others.

“Ensure that you still have a solid local network of friends,” says Brown. “And brainstorm ways to make new friends and/or form closer relationships with certain local friends or co-workers. It may take some time to be ready for this, and that's perfectly okay, but it's essential for our well-being as humans to have friends whom we can spend live quality time with.”

Also, because we’ve been granted some new solitude—even if it did arrive against our will!—we can make the most of our alone time by engaging in self-care routines, exploring our own cities (and finding new reasons to love them), and taking up hobbies that we’ve long intended to start (consider solo hobbies like journaling, doing puzzles, or learning an instrument).

We cannot contain our friendships so much as we can give them new nooks. Much like the beloved items we place on the walls, shelves, and window sills of our own homes, we can give each of our bonds deliberate and deserved space—even rearranging them as seasons and attachments change, but always remaining guided by warm intention and effort.

We can give each of our bonds deliberate and deserved space—even rearranging them as seasons and attachments change, but always remaining guided by warm intention and effort.

When we start to view our friendships as enhancements to our lives instead of as extensions of our selves, we make room for self-reflection and -improvement. Coincidentally, we also make room for stronger, worthier bonds—as those are often formed on the other side of an obstacle. So let’s instead consider ourselves lucky that in lots of homes across avenues and oceans, we’ll likely always have a place to stay.

How have you handled local friends becoming long-distance friends? We’d love to hear your experience in the comments below. 💛

Come vorrei - Ricchi e Poveri (Ricky e Poveri)

Option 1

Option 2

Tags: Disco 80s, Hit Parade Leaders

Come vorrei

How I wish

Ci sono giorni in cui non dormo e penso a te
sto chiuso in casa col silenzio per amico
mentre la neve dietro ai vetri scende giù
ti aspetto qui vicino al fuoco.
In quest inverno c'è qualcosa che non va
non è Natale da una volta nella vita
eppure è stato solamente un anno fa
speriamo che non sia finita.

Come vorrei come vorrei
amore mio
come vorrei che tu mi amassi
a modo mio
che questa sera troppo triste
troppo uguale
non fosse più senza di te.
come vorrei come vorrei
amore mio
come vorrei che questo
amore che va via
non si sciogliesse come fa la neve al sole
senza parole.

Dovrei capirti
quando vedo che vai via
e non amarti
quando non vuoi farti amare
senza cadere in una nuova gelosia
che solo tu mi fai provare.

E questa volta un'altra donna non verrà
a cancellare la tua impronta sul cuscino
anche alla luna gliel'ho chiesto e non ci sta
non vuole più starmi vicino.

There are days when I don't sleep and think about you,
I sit at home and silence is my only friend.
While snow is falling behind the windows,
I am waiting for you here by the fire.
There's something wrong with this winter,
Christmas isn't what it used to be
But that was only a year ago,
We hope it won't end.

How I wish, how I wish,
my love,
How I wish you loved me,
how I love you.
So that this evening, too sad,
too ordinary,
Wouldn't be without you anymore.
How I wish, how I wish,
my love,
how I wish that this love,
which is leaving,
would not melt like snow under the sun -
without words.

I should understand you,
when I see you leaving
And not to love you,
when you don't want to be loved.
Without "falling" into jealousy again,
Which only you cause.

How I wish, how I wish,
my love,
How I wish you loved me,
how I love you.
To this evening, too sad
too ordinary,
Wasn't there anymore without you
How I wish, how I wish,
my love,
How I wish,
, that this love that is leaving,
would not melt like snow under the sun
without words.

And this time another woman won't come
Erase your print on the pillow
Even asked the moon about it, but she doesn't agree,
Doesn't want to be with me anymore.

The author of the translation is belcatya

Like the translation?

Come vorrei Lyrics Rating: 5 / 5 279 opinions

Tags: Disco 80s, Hit Parade Leaders

Lyrics SHAMIK x .KVANTHOOD x ARTI

CHORUS - ARTI:
My friend is leaving forever,
My friend, how can I believe it?
My friend has gone so far...
The whole world went with him.
My friend is leaving forever,
My friend, you can give everything for friendship.
My friend has gone so far.
There is no substitute for friends in the world.

1 VERSE - SHAMIK:
Losing all hope as if you are one here in the field,
There are enough warriors who are waiting for blood,
Shared evenly short moments of life,
They shared the joys with clenched teeth.
Where did you go stomping puddles?
You are the only one who treasured our friendship.
So fast, I didn't even notice how my childhood ran away.
No matter how hard we tried to catch up, everything was lost.
Do you remember that site - the first time we fought,
Remember that girl - we were embarrassed in front of her.
What now? Around only flattery and lies,
Who is more valuable than whom? - Friendship or knife
In the back!
So often I grabbed your hand,
I ran away with you chasing away boredom,
But no matter how hard we try, it is impossible for us to catch up with time.
So I stayed, fed up with the lies.

VERSE 2 - .KVANTHOOD:
I don't understand...
But why did time change us so much,
At times the wind took me to where there are no dreams and I looped
In these roads through thorns to the stars, and after
Thoughts of where we will be and those weekdays constantly knocked out nonsense did not leave me ...
And I won't forget!
Those days of carefree childhood, when there were equal parts for all those problems,
That in an instant they can destroy all the plans that they built over the years, filling in the gaps
Memory. It's time to run from convulsions to my will
Breaking the waves - made bad for a lifetime will be remembered.
The smoke won't dissipate in this fog and I don't feel like I used to,
The dial is broken - someone left, but someone also remains nearby.
Will be exchanged by those whom you close to your heart,0021 Opening the soul, they will simply put an end to you and
They don't care who you are and what you still have inside
Overwhelmed with emotions, but this is only anger, not euphoria
You know!
I will go to the bottom with this load - sadness.
My friend has forgotten me and is leaving forever - Farewell!

CHORUS - ARTI:
My friend leaves forever
My friend, how can I believe this?
My friend, went so far . ..
The whole world has gone with him.
My friend leaves forever
My friend, for friendship you can give everything.
My friend, has gone so far.
There are no friends in the world.

1 Verse - SHAMIK:
Losing all hope that you're alone in the field
There are enough warriors waiting for blood
Shared evenly short moments of life,
They shared joys with clenched teeth.
Where did you go trampled puddles?
You were the only one who treasured our friendship.
So quickly, I didn't even notice how childhood ran away.
No matter how we try to catch up, everything is lost.
Do you remember that site - the first time we fought
Remember that girl - in front of her we were shy.
What now? Around only flattery and falsehood
Who is more expensive? - Friendship or knife
In the back & # 33;
So often I grabbed your hand
I ran away with you, driving away boredom,
But no matter how they try, it’s not possible to catch up with us.
I also stayed, fed up with lies.

CHORUS - ARTI:
My friend leaves forever
My friend, how can I believe this?
My friend, went so far ...
The whole world has gone with him.
My friend leaves forever
My friend, for friendship you can give everything.
My friend, has gone so far.
There is no substitute for friends in the world.

2 STAGE - .KVANTHOOD:
I do not understand...
But why did the time change us so much
From time to time the wind took me to where there are no dreams and I stained
In these roads through thorns to the stars, and after
My thoughts did not leave me where we will be and those weekdays constantly beat out nonsense ...
And I will not forget & # 33;
Those days of carefree childhood, when it was equally for all those problems
That in a moment can destroy all plans that he built for years, filling in the gaps
Of memory. It's time to escape from convulsions to my will
Cutting through the waves - made a bad life remember.

Learn more