Moms need time for themselves

10 Reasons Alone Time Is Important As A Mom

Being a mother is great, but anyone who has had children knows that alone time basically goes out the window once they are born, or at least it seems that way. There are actually quite a few ways that moms can try to make sure they get a few moments to themselves throughout the day, and they really should try to do that since being alone is important.

They can lock themselves into a room while someone else keeps an eye on the little ones for a bit. They can even try scheduling their alone time beforehand. Here are a few reasons why getting alone time as a mother is such a big deal.

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10 Being Alone Helps One Discover And Remember Who They Are

When a mom spends time alone, it is very likely that she will remember who she is as an individual. As great as being a parent is, sometimes women can get so wrapped up in taking care of their little ones that they forget about themselves.

They tend to think of themselves only as a mother, and they forget that there are other roles that they play in life as well. Instead of spending every second thinking about their kids’ next soccer game, or what to make for dinner that night, moms should take a few moments to mentally focus on themselves, and having time alone helps them do that.

9 Concentration And Productivity Are Improved

Mothers who get to spend some time alone are more likely to have strong sparks of creativity and productivity than those who do not. There is one simple reason for this: ladies who are constantly surrounded by other people (not just their children) tend to be very distracted, so it is hard for them to focus on one thing at a time.

Those who are the most creative and productive people take some time off. They do things by themselves every once in a while, and moms need to do that as well. If they do, they’ll probably be able to get more things done.

8 Moms Need To Unwind Sometimes

Parenting is stressful, and being alone for a bit can help mothers unwind a little bit, which is something all mothers need once in a while. In the past, excess stress has been linked to things like diabetes, depression, and heart disease.

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Moms need to unwind for their own mental, emotional, and physical health, and they also need to do it for the sake of their children. Kids who spend their childhoods around people who are stressed out all of the time are very likely to be that way themselves when they grow up. Getting the chance to unwind can help mothers (and their children) out immensely.

7 Alone Time Helps People Think Deeply About Things

Alone time can really help moms think deeply when it comes to topics that are very important to them. Moms are typically faced with many parenting-related issues that they need to concentrate on to solve, and that is why having time alone can be so helpful for them.

It will allow them to come up with some very creative solutions, or give their peers a call or text to see what solutions they suggest trying. If a mother has the time to sit down and really think about a situation, she might come up with a solution that is good for everyone that is involved.

6 It Enhances Relationships

While moms might already have a wonderful relationship with their children, they could always use some alone time in order to make their other relationships better. The science behind this is very simple: when people spend some time alone, they get to know themselves better.

As a result, they are better at choosing what kind of people they allow in their lives. Moms who regularly enjoy some time to themselves are likely to only spend time around others if they can be beneficial somehow, and this can teach their children to do the same thing. Spending time alone helps moms get to know themselves on a very deep level.

5 It Teaches Children That They Don’t Always Need To Be Around Someone

Moms always want to set a great example for their children, and a great way to do that is to spend time alone so that they can show their children that they do not always need to be surrounded by other people. This is a very important thing to do, because if kids do not know that it is okay to enjoy being by themselves, they will probably always seek out the company of others.

That is okay for the most part, but kids need to know that being alone is perfectly fine as well. If they see that mom is cool with hanging out with herself, they will likely do the same and feel pretty good about it.

4 It Can Increase Mental Strength

Mothers who are alone on occasion are likely to have some pretty good mental strength, and let’s face it, that is something many parents could use a bit more of because parenting can be very mentally taxing at times. There are lots of benefits to building mental strength.

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Moms who take the time to spend a few moments with only themselves are probably very good at handling the tough and stressful situations life occasionally throws at them. Another benefit moms can get from building their mental strength is being able to parent more effectively. This is true because their emotions are usually very regulated.

3 Moms Who Get Alone Time Have More Energy

One of the things mothers are most in need of is energy, and spending a few moments in solitude is a great way to get it. While there are some people who thrive when they are around others, there are also people who prefer to spend some time alone.

People like this are referred to as introverts, and they usually find that spending a great deal of time around other people drains their energy after a while. Introverts typically feel a lot more energized after they get to hang out alone, since they are not surrounded by lots of other people.

2 This Is A Great Way To Plan The Future

Being alone can give mothers an opportunity to plan some of their future goals. Moms have very little time to focus on themselves when they are taking care of a crying baby, or trying to remember when their child’s next playdate is, or when they are trying to get them dressed and ready for school.

But when they get a little bit of downtime that is not filled up with thoughts about everyone else, they have time to plan out things they want to do in the future. This doesn’t have to be anything big. It can be something as little as whether or not a mom wants to take a walk later.

1 It Allows Moms To Do What They Want To Do

One of the best things about a mother getting some time to herself is the fact that she gets to do whatever she wants to do. She does not have to worry about whether or not her spouse wants to do something else, or whether the kids need her or not.

Everyone enjoys getting to do something they want to do without having to worry about others every now and then. Moms can use this time to relax, or they can take part in fun activities like giving themselves a facial, taking a nap, watching television, exercising, or getting a manicure.

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Mom Mental Health (& Happiness): The Importance of Alone Time

Posted at 19:11h in Motherhood by Dr. Christina Hibbert

It’s hard being a mom 24/7–all year long, for years and years. Sure, there are plenty of benefits (the love of your child, for one), but it’s a tough job—truly one of the toughest.

Trust me—I get it

As a mom of six, I’ve experienced the ups and downs of pregnancy, postpartum, toddlerhood, starting school, middle school, tweens, high school, teens, up late, up early, no sleep, exhaustion. I know how hard it can be as a mom to simply keep up, let alone get any time for yourself.

Like most moms, I’ve struggled over the years to give myself a break, but I finally get it, deep in my bones: It is imperative I make time to be alone. As I write in my memoir, This is How We Grow, “I crave alone time. It’s a basic need. Too much time together drains me, and I feel tired, overstimulated, and not like myself. Give me some time alone, however, and I come alive—pondering, creating, and engaging. ” (p. 152) I’ve learned about the power that alone time has to offer, the power of reconnecting me, recharching me, and inspiring me so I return even stronger than before.

The Importance of Alone Time

Watch this “3-Minute Therapy” video on my YouTube Channel on Motherhood & Mental Health: The Importance of Alone Time. Then read on, below!

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As a psychologist, I know the research, and the research is clear: Alone time is essential for emotional/mental/ spiritual/social/physical health, and a key element of true happiness.

By “alone time” what I really mean is time away from your role as a mother—time to be YOU, to unwind, relax, rest, revive. This can include taking a nap, sleeping in, reading, hiking, going out with a friend, doing a project or activity you enjoy, or anything that helps you feel like the real you and builds your health and strength. Some need more or less alone time, but all will benefit from a few minutes each day, hours each week, and/or days away each year.

Consequences of No Alone Time

When we fail to give ourselves regular “breaks,” we are more likely to suffer the following consequences:

Mental health disturbances like depression, anxiety, burnout, and extreme stress that can lead to…

Physical health disturbances like headaches, backaches, sleep disturbance, weight gain, greater susceptibility to illness, heart problems, and overall poorer health.

Failing to take care of our needs is also associated with poorer parenting practices, greater parenting distress, less patience, satisfaction, and joy in our role as mothers, and yes, more extreme discipline and even child abuse.

Failing to give yourself a break is like loading a seesaw from both ends with heavier and heavier weight. Eventually, the board will snap! Your brain, without time away, will eventually do the same. In fact, recently a client of mine who is a wonderful mother and person—someone many people admire—found herself in the mental hospital because she had been unwilling to slow down, unwind, and ask for help.

We don’t have to do this to ourselves.

Alone Time: It’s Worth It

It’s disturbing to see so many clients, friends, posts on Facebook, wondering whether it’s really important to carve out some time alone. They express frustration about even trying because it can feel so impossible. They start to wonder if it’s worth even it.

I’m here to set the record straight: It’s worth it.

It’s not only worth it, it’s crucial. When we keep pushing ourselves without a break, it’s like drawing from a well we

I love spending quality time with my kids, but I love it even more when I’ve had some time to myself, too.

never refill. Eventually, it’s going to dry out, and so are we. It’s not a matter of IF we burn out and suffer these consequences mentioned above. It’s a matter of WHEN.

And when we do, we are not the only ones who suffer. When we’re unhealthy, our kids suffer. Our husbands/partners suffer. Our families suffer. Our world suffers.

We need healthy moms who understand the value of time away, time alone, time to be well.

What stands in your way?

If you’re a mom who struggles to give yourself some alone time, what stands in your way? Do you feel guilty if you take a break, if you relax, rest, enjoy yourself? Do you feel like you don’t deserve it? Like you’re not working hard enough if you let yourself get away for a bit?

I find the number one thing that stands in our way of alone time is OURSELVES.

We feel like it’s not absolutely necessary, so it must not be important, or we feel like a “bad mom” if we’re not playing with our kids all the time, or we feel like, in taking some time alone, we send the message our kids aren’t important enough to be with them all the time. These are just not true.

First, it is absolutely necessary to get away regularly, for the very reasons I stated above, and also because it’s part of discovering your own happiness and joy. It’s part of becoming your true self, feeling your self-worth, and living a life of meaning and purpose.

Second, you are a much “better” mom when you give yourself time away, to just be “you,” than when you don’t. Don’t you agree, one of the most important things for a child is that he has a mom who is healthy and happy? I sure do. Being a healthy, happy mom is important to raising healthy, happy kids.

Third, taking some time alone sends the message that self-care is important and shows your kids how to do the same. It teaches them to love themselves and rise to their highest potential. Your kids might complain when you leave their side at first, but eventually, they’ll learn the bigger, more important lessons.

Commit to Your Own Health and Happiness Today

I hope this gets you thinking about what alone time might do for you (and for your children and family). I hope you can see how important some time away from being a mom is to your health and happiness.

I ask you to commit today. Commit to your own health–mental and physical. Commit to your own well-being and happiness. Commit to prioritizing alone time. Your whole family will reap the benefits.

I know. Now the question is, “HOW do I actually get alone time?”

Check out Part 2: Mom Mental Health: HOW to Get Alone Time (25+ Strategies!)

I want to know what you think/feel about this. Is it hard for you to give yourself alone time? If so, what stands in your way? Do you feel the importance of alone time? Leave a comment, below, and let us know!

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Why do we need time for ourselves? – Tarkvanem ‹ The Needs of a Parent – Tarkvanem

Although time spent with children is the best thing in life, a wise parent will also make time for himself and his partner, because only then will time with family be truly wonderful.

“It's important that everyone can express themselves the way they want to,” says neuroscientist Jaan Aru in a new podcast for parents. If the parents do not have such an opportunity, according to the scientist, it will be difficult for them to devote themselves to the child. While building Lego castles and drawing unicorns, the thought will inevitably creep into your head that you really would like to do something else. If mom or dad has the opportunity to go for a run or a choir rehearsal after these classes, it will be much easier for him to think about what color the magic horse should be - pink or green.

The brain needs variety

According to the scientist, the brain develops only by doing something new. If the same actions are repeated day after day, then life becomes boring for the brain, it seems to switch to autopilot. This is the reason why you need to do different things during the day, you can even start playing the violin at 40 years old. When choosing a sphere for a hobby, you can proceed from what is interesting to the person himself. “People have different brains, so they are interested in different things: some people like to write symphonies, others, again, skiing or drinking with girlfriends,” explains Aru.

The scientist, of course, does not advise drinking alcohol as a hobby, but you can go in for sports. “Movement that slightly raises the heart rate is very good for the brain,” emphasizes Aru. “As a result, new nerve cells arise, which, in turn, contributes to better memorization, helps against diseases associated with old age.” People who want to benefit their brain could, for example, take up running, cycling or skiing. But other hobbies are good for the brain too. “If you enjoy playing chess or bridge, for example, or learning some new computer program, that also develops the brain,” emphasizes Aru. “The main thing is that you have the time and opportunity to do your own thing.”

Our time

When there is not enough time for children and hobbies, according to Aru, you can consider the possibility of turning your time into our time. For example, you can go ice skating with your children or teach your child how to bake a cake. “Sometimes in the evenings I think about my own, and my son comes to tell me about his affairs,” the scientist gives an example. “I begin to explain to my son the ideas of experiments. My 6-year-old child sits down, does not understand anything, but sits calmly and listens with interest.”

According to the scientist, spending time with parents is often the most important thing for children, they begin to like the same activities as mom or dad. For example, parents who play chess or run find it easier to inspire their children to do the same hobbies. “When a child sees that his mother is watching TV, and the child is told that he should play chess, it is unfair for him. If mom also plays chess, this is a great joint activity,” says the scientist. “If you want your child to move, take him to a workout, show him that it's great,” he advises. Moms and dads who feel like they'd like to be alone sometimes, Aru says, could find fun things to do for the kids for a while. For example, they can be helped to launch some interesting game.

Time with a loved one

In order for everything to be good in the family, according to Aru, it is sometimes important to be alone with your spouse or life partner. This is necessary in order to calmly share worries and joys with each other, as well as simply enjoy each other's company. “Then you can just find something for the kids to do and put the gadgets away,” the scientist advises. He explains that spending time with loved ones is very good for the brain, because then the brain rests, it is comfortable for it. But if a gadget appears between two people, they can no longer focus on each other, listen to each other with full attention. In this case, “our time” turns into “gadget time”, and unwanted tension may arise in the relationship of the couple. If parents get angry at each other and start yelling, it causes a lot of stress for the child. This can be avoided if the parents find time to actually be together.

Routine is not always a bad thing

In order to find time for hobbies, children and a partner along with a lot of activities, according to Aru, one can sometimes call on routine to help. “If we learn to go to the gym a couple of times a week or walk outside every day with a child, that will be great,” he gives an example. “Then you don’t need to think whether we can go out into the yard today, it will simply be known that at seven in the evening you need to be ready at the door.” In the absence of such a routine, it may happen that you never go for a workout and a walk.

“A routine is like an automatic program in the brain,” explains Aru. “If we have a routine of washing dishes in the kitchen every night, then that’s good, but if we have a habit of yelling at children when they are naughty, this needs to be changed. Routine is neither bad nor good, if it is skillfully used, it can become a friend of your family.

Does a mother need to be with her child all the time?

Author of article Kravtsova Elena Mikhailovna

158059 views

September 15, 2021

It's no secret that many young mothers do not go to fitness, not because they are lazy or have no time. It's just that there is no point in additional expenses, because every day mothers carry babies in their arms for hours - a good physical activity! When we hear or read stories about babies on social networks, they are a miracle! - they can lie quietly while mom takes a shower or makes tea for herself - we often do not believe that this is even possible. Especially if our baby does not want to spend a single minute without a mother, and this situation occurs much more often ..

Do newborns really want to spend as much time with their mother as possible? Why do some children prefer to sit, lie down and even sleep in her arms? And how to leave the child if you have things to do? Says the consultant of the site SHKOLAMAM.RF, child psychologist Kravtsova Elena Mikhailovna .

Is the child afraid of loneliness?

A newborn baby is not afraid to be alone. If he does not have neurological disorders or any disease, he does not cry all the time, but only from time to time.

But this does not mean that it is better for a baby to be alone. On the contrary, closeness to the person who cares for him, as well as a quick and adequate reaction of adults to the tears of a child, is the key to his full development and emotional well-being.

Is mother indispensable?

Oddly enough, but until about 6 months old, the baby does not care who cares for him. He needs warmth, safety, food, good emotional contact with adults, but it doesn’t matter who provides all this.

Upon reaching the age of six months or a little later, the baby begins to distinguish between “us” and “strangers”. He reacts negatively to an attempt to pick him up by an unfamiliar person, even if it is his own grandmother, who simply has not come for a long time.

At first, children begin to feel affection for the adult who spends the most time with him and cares for him. It can be not only a mother, but also any other person who adequately performs these functions. The fact is that for the full development of the baby, contact with a warm and caring adult is needed, it does not matter who it is. It all depends on the family situation. Gradually, attachment develops to other close people.

The person to whom the child is attached most of all can calm him better than others, and the baby most often turns to him for comfort. In the presence of the “main person”, children experience less fear, especially in a new environment.

The most acute fear of separation from a close adult, usually a mother, manifests itself in children about two years old. The fact is that it is at this age that the so-called identification, or awareness of one’s own Self, is formed in the child. The most favorable conditions for such a process are constant contact with the same adults who love him, “his people,” as experts say.

Not in arms, but next to mother

Sling and its varieties, carriers, car seat, cradle, playpen, highchairs for feeding from birth, baby rocking chairs, developing mats can greatly facilitate the life of a mother or any other loved one who stays with a baby.

All these devices, except for developing mats, can only be used after consultation with a pediatrician and orthopedist.

From the point of view of child psychology, the most important thing is to find such a form of spending time together when the baby will see his mother and / or feel her, and the mother will be able to do some useful or interesting things. So it does not matter which devices will provide convenience for both mom and baby. If only it was safe for the child and suitable for adults.

Mom, where are you going?

Every child is different and each child reacts differently to the care of their mother. There are some general patterns, but they are only indicative.

The temperament of children and the style of parenting are different, so some babies are more afraid of parting with their mother, others are weaker. If the baby does not scream and does not cry, parting with his mother, most likely, this does not mean that he does not love her. This probably indicates the peculiarities of his temperament: perhaps he is just calm.

Periodically, you can leave the house from birth, making sure that an adequate adult and enough food remain with the child. Until six months, the baby, most likely, will not feel uncomfortable with another person.

For an older child, the emotional state directly depends on the opportunity to be close to the adult to whom he is most attached. From 6 months and older, it is better to leave the house during the daytime sleep of the baby, warning him in advance that his grandmother or nanny will be with him.

However, at night, leaving a sleeping baby without extreme necessity is still not worth it. All children under three or four years of age react painfully to the unexpected absence of their mother at night, but babies who are strongly attached to their mother suffer especially. They can behave more or less calmly with other adults, but when they see their mother again, they will become very nervous: they will begin to “cling” to her and demand constant attention, they will not want to go to bed. Perhaps their night's sleep will be disturbed, they will begin to wake up frequently.

An older child can be warned in advance that you are going to leave the house when he is sleeping.

We leave and return according to the rules

There are a few important things to consider if you need to get away for a while. Here they are:

- Telling that you need to leave, but you will be back soon, is worth even a child who has not yet spoken. This should be done at least so that you develop the appropriate habit: it will be very useful to you in the future!

Leaving a baby from one and a half to three years old with a grandmother or a nanny, you need to be prepared for his violent emotional reaction. You should not show the baby that you are not sure of the correctness of your act and feel guilty before him. Mom should tell the baby about her departure and show firmness, not “rush about” either mentally or physically.
If possible, it is desirable that adults distract the child at the time of mother's departure. If this did not work out, then you can pick him up, kiss him and pass him on to the adult who stays with him. Say that you will be back soon, ask to wave your hand and wish you good luck. If the baby is very worried, cries and reaches out to his mother, you need to leave quickly.
Do not deceive your baby, promising that you are leaving for the last time or will be back in a minute. It is better to tell him in clear words what you intend to do: at work you will talk on the phone or type on a computer, in the store you will buy bread or shoes, in the theater you are going to watch a performance of artists arranged for adults.
When you return, tell your child about your impressions and show some interesting item related to your departure: a bus ticket, a receipt from a store, a theater program, etc. You can arrange a game of bus and controller, seller and buyer, actor and spectators.

Do's and Don'ts

Representatives of the older generation grumble that you are too attached to the baby to yourself, that you can leave him to shout, as pediatricians recommended some thirty years ago. Do you doubt? And right! This is a harmful old misconception. If you follow this recommendation, you can earn a neurosis for the mother and injure the child. Even if the baby learns to cry less, he will become much more unhappy, as he will feel rejected.

Remember: a baby never cries without a good reason! Some children have an increased need for attention, in contact with adults, so they cry more than their peers. They just can't be alone.

Trying to re-educate such a kid, accustom him to loneliness is a bad decision. This does not mean that mom cannot go to the toilet or go to the next room for a book. Try to provide him with warm emotional and physical contact to the maximum extent possible - that's what we are talking about.

Is it possible to spoil a child if you carry him all the time in your arms?

No you can not. In this way, you can create a sense of security and self-worth in him. He will feel needed. But one should not strive for quantitative indicators - that is, to carry a baby in her arms all the time at any cost, to the detriment of common sense.

Learn more