Making new friends after divorce
Making Friends After A Break-Up Or Divorce
Making friends after a breakup can be a challenge, but making friends may just be the very thing you’ll need to do after a painful event. Breakups and/or divorces are one of the most difficult things a person can go through. It is extremely painful at worst, and highly inconvenient at best. Either way, it’s an overall negative experience. Having friends with you at a time like this can be a very good remedy.
Making friends may not be one of the first things you’ll prioritize after a breakup or a divorce. Although you do have other things to worry about, making friends is something you should never disregard. Spending time with friends at a time as awful as going through a breakup or a divorce can be very therapeutic.
So get out there, have some fun, spend time with your friends, make new friends instead of just staying at home and feeling awful.
How To Make Friends After A Break-Up or Divorce
If you’ve been together with your former partner for quite some time, and have barely socialized with other people outside of your circle, making friends now may prove to be a challenge. It’s only that way, though, because it’s kind of like a new path you need to walk on. Once you familiarize yourself with the road, it will become much simpler.
With that in mind, let’s learn a couple of ways of making friends after a breakup or a divorce.
1. Take a break from dating
Going back into the world of dating shouldn’t be the first thing you should prioritize after going through a separation. You need to remove this from your mind if you want to start making friends successfully.
The idea of dating again when going through a breakup can be very tempting. It can seem ideal, even. But you should allow yourself time to heal before you start going into relationships again. Being in a romantic relationship after a breakup won’t necessarily heal a heartbreak, but a friendship can.
If you remove the idea of dating in your head when you’re out and about, you can approach every single individual you meet with a platonic point of view. Instead of considering a romantic relationship with, say, an attractive person, you’ll be able to successfully make friends without any form of compromise.
If someone, like someone from the opposite sex, senses that your pursuit towards them is for more than just a friendship, it may turn them off and drive them away. Any semblance or possibility of friendship with them will disappear before it even starts.
For now, just focus on making friends first. You’ll go back into the world of dating in no time. Perhaps it will present itself to you. But your priorities now shouldn’t be to fall in love with someone else again, it should be falling in love with yourself more. A friend will do that and more.
2. Do something you’ve never done before
If there’s something you haven’t been able to do before, or if there’s anything your former partner restricted you from doing, now’s the opportunity to do all that.
Better yet, search the web for any activities you can do. Be sure it’s something a lot of other people do as well. That way, you’ll be able to experience something new and meet a few people you can be friends with along the way.
Have you ever wanted to go mountain climbing but never got the chance to do so? Well, do it now! Is the idea of learning a new instrument appealing to you? Join a class! Have you ever wanted to learn a martial art but your previous partner thought it was too dangerous? Nothing’s stopping you now.
Treat this part as a way to grow as a person and make friends in the process. These are two of the best things that you can do to better yourself after a breakup or a divorce.
3. Go out more
The best way to meet people is to go out and see the world. Even if you just go to places within your community, you’re automatically increasing your chances of meeting and making a new friend.
If it’s within your capabilities, travel. Seeing what our little blue world has to offer is an amazing experience. It’s even physically beneficial for you according to recent studies. Plus, you’ll get to meet people from different backgrounds and ethnicities. People with different upbringing, culture, and different stories to tell.
Doing this can be very good for you in terms of self-healing and friendship building.
If that’s still something that’s currently out of your reach, though, participating in certain activities around your community can also give you a massive boost as well.
This can be even better because the people you’ll meet are just people who are living close by, which allows for a closer type of friendship in the future.
Check out your local community boards online and offline for any upcoming group activities. Or just go ahead and go to certain places yourself. Visit bars, parks, museums, and other places where people usually flock in. There’s no better way of making friends than being physically present.
4. Enhance your current hobbies
If you have any hobbies now, take advantage of that and do them more often. Practice and utilize them regularly. And then, go to communities or groups who practice the same hobby and meet people who share your passion.
For example, let’s say you’re a writer.
If you haven’t scribbled in a while, go back to the process and reignite your passion. Write more often than you did before. Learn new techniques and principles. Join classes or surround yourself with other writers.
The same idea can be applied to any other activity. Dancing, music, art, etc. If there’s a skillful craft that you love doing and haven’t been able to do so in a long while, do them again. Use this opportunity as an outlet to not only make yourself feel better but also meet new people in the process.
You will always have better conversations with those you share a certain passion with. You can talk about the thing you both love for hours on end, and you can get to know each other a little better during that time. You’ll have made a new friend or two before you know it.
5. Use social media and websites for socializing
While reading this article so far, you’re probably asking yourself at certain points: “Okay, but where do I find people to meet? Where can I socialize?”
Well, thanks to the power of modern technology, figuring out where people usually visit is simpler than ever.
There are a lot of social media sites out there that will help you in finding people and locating hotspots for socializing. There are even sites that are exclusively for finding places for certain communities.
For one, there’s the very popular social media site—Facebook. You will not only find people to socialize with there, but a feature on Facebook called Facebook Groups can help you meet people who share your interest. If you have any kind of interest, Facebook Groups will have a specific group for that.
Other sites can help you when it comes to this like Meetup and Eventbrite. Some apps can help you find people just within your community like Nextdoor.
The internet, like the real world, is a vast and massive place. Be sure to take the time to explore all the possibilities you can. Utilize the web for places you can go to and groups you can join in, and head out there personally to personally meet other people.
6. Reach out to your current and past friends
The easiest way to make friends after a breakup is to approach the ones you already have now.
It’s a normal matter that people spend less and less time with their old friends as they get into relationships. Your true friends will understand this, of course, given that you still took the time to see them every chance you get. But the fact of the matter is, the moment you got into a relationship, your time became spent elsewhere.
Gone were the days where you’d hang out all night with friends. Instead, you spent it with your partner. Now that your partner is gone, approaching your friends can and will be beneficial to you.
Your friends can help you get back on track and socialize again. You can ask them to accompany you as you go to bars and other places. They can even introduce you to other people too.
No matter what the case, your true friends will always be there for you, and there will be there for you this time. The friends you have now will help you get through this tough time, all you have to do is to approach and ask them.
7. Move on
Before you even consider going out there and letting other people in your life, you have to accept the fact that one has left.
Making peace with the separation will not only help you as you socialize with other people, but it will also put your mind at ease. Doing this will make you calmer and happier. Those are two important aspects when it comes to socializing in public.
If you can’t be calm and happy while you’re out socializing, chances are, it will be incredibly difficult for you to develop new friendships. Instead of being able to read a room and empathizing with other people, you’ll be stuck in your mind thinking about the past.
Your idea of the future and the possible friendships you’ll build will be blurred and you’ll just yearn for what you lost.
Be sure you’re at peace with the idea of you and your former partner have broken up before you go out to socialize. Make sure this is really what you want.
If you want to make friends now and you want it to happen, you can make it happen. But if you’re still conflicted at this point, you won’t be able to succeed in socializing as much as you want to.
8. Take care of yourself
Finally, if you want to succeed at making friends after a breakup or divorce, you have to take care of yourself first.
Your mental and physical health should be your first and foremost priority as of this moment. Once you fulfill that properly, making friends will become so much easier for you.
Make sure you’re in a good place mentally. Or at least, make sure you’re doing your best to be there. Make sure you want to be there.
Then, make sure you’re not disregarding your well-being. Avoiding drowning yourself in temporary and destructive distractions. Take care of yourself. Make sure you remain healthy throughout this whole process.
If you’re able to manage that, socializing will become easy. Why?
If you’re someone who takes care of yourself, it means you have self-respect. It means you’re in a good place mentally. Other people, the people you’ll be socializing with, will be able to see that. They will respect you as well.-Step-8-Version-2.jpg/aid633756-v4-728px-Make-Friends-With-a-Boy-(Girls)-Step-8-Version-2.jpg)
They will want to befriend you.
Handle yourself properly and you’ll give off a positive aura. This positive aura will draw people to you. You will be able to meet and befriend a lot of people just by taking care of yourself.
Handle Your And Your Ex’s Mutual Friends
All the friends in common that you had and made as a couple and the activities you did with those friends will change after the break-up or divorce.
Some of your friends will remain in contact with both you and your partner. But more often than not, your friends will pick a side and they’ll stay there after the breakup. Or they will eventually.
You have to know that this happening is okay and normal. The most likely scenario is that the people who are closest to you will stay with you and your partner’s with theirs regardless of the reason for the breakup.
If the people you thought were closer to you decides to side with your partner, then that’s fine. It’s their right to choose. You should just be happy with the people who stayed with you.
Make sure you cherish them.
Spend more time with those who stayed with you. Have fun with them. And don’t be angry about the fact that some of them decided to stop seeing you. It’s just the way of life. That’s just more reason for you to make more new friends now. Use it as motivation instead.
Next Step: On To Making Friends
Now that you’re set and what you want and what you should do, it’s time for you to get out there and make new friends. Remember everything you got from this article and make sure you’re able to utilize them properly.
Make sure you’re set on the idea of making friends at this point. Look for places to socialize in. Learn new things and hone the skills you already have. Connect with your current friends better. Take care of yourself, and finally, get out there. Go into the world and meet as many people as you can. Socialize wherever you can. Make every interaction a possibility of friendship. You’ll be able to make many friends if you take these things to heart.
If you feel like you still have more to learn before you can go out there, check out the training videos and other articles on this site on how to make friends, how to improve your social skills, and how to have better conversations. You can also choose to grab a copy of my eBook. Use these tools that I’ve made for you and you’ll be able to make friends wherever you go.
7 Smart Ways to Make New Friends After Divorce
It is a blow to lose friendships that you thought would last forever. Some close ones may have initially been your girlfriends and then you went out as couples with spouses. To have these pals align with your former spouse is a surprise. Look at it this way: divorce lets you know who your true friends are.
Below are 7 Ways To Fill These Vacant Positions?
1. MeetUp.com is global and has many groups for varied interests. I am in the local girlfriend’s one, ages 40s to 60s. We go to restaurants for lunch or tea, happy hour, lattes, or whatever.
These women are well-travelled, intelligent, and a lot of laughs. My divorced buddy is in the hiking group. Some larger cities have divorced and single parent groups in MeetUp.com.
2. Join special interest groups to encounter like-minded people. You may develop a friendship which deepens into love and then marriage, which has happened to a few divorced people that I know. These groups may be political, civic, for a particular cause such as animal rescue, or in many other areas. Some churches have singles’ groups, which do a lot of fun activities. I joined an international organization, Toastmasters, which has the added bonus of enhancing your career and boosting personal confidence.
3. Ask your friends to invite their friends to gatherings, and you do the same. Meet for Happy Hour, get together at someone’s house or at a concert. This is a way to get to know others who may have similar interests since you have friends in common.
4.
Your workplace may have a potential pool of new friends. See if co-workers would like to go out to lunch or, out after work. You may work in the tech industry where there isn’t a lot of getting together after work. But the sales team, for example, may be very social and have plenty of get-togethers that you could attend. This scenario happened at my large university hospital. My unit did things after work most evenings, and the other departments would call our secretary to find out where we were going. Or people stopped by to firm up after work plans and they were from all over the hospital. This could be an option in the business world too.
5. I have heard from dog owners that they have made friends at parks or when out walking their dogs. Some neighborhoods have block parties or events, which is another method of meeting new people. Our neighbourhood association used to have a big pot-luck Christmas party at a nearby community room, which is where I made some acquaintances.
6. Go to festivals, especially ethnic ones where people sit at community tables. I sometimes go solo to our local Greek Festival and have met some great people. An orthodox church has several international lunches where people sit at large tables and interact with each other. We have an Oktoberfest and other fun events that encourages camaraderie. There are arts festivals, music ones, food themed ones and so forth across the country where you can chat to other folks.
7. Join committees at your children’s school. You work as a team with other parents, and this is one way I made friends after divorce. You sometimes meet over coffee to discuss the school auction or some other fundraiser in a casual setting. You already have similar interests, kids and school, so the ice is already broken. I met a close friend that I’ve known for 20 years at our children’s martial arts classes. Meet other parents through your children’s activities.
Having a friendly, open demeanor lets people know that you are willing to mingle.
Look at your body language to make sure that you are not giving off signals that you do not intend. Crossing your arms can seem aggressive and too much eye contact can be unnerving. Looking at everything else but the person you are conversing with can be misconstrued as a lack of interest. Consider reuniting with old classmates and deepening your friendships with childhood friends. Your social circle will widen by following these tips.
FAQs About Making Friends After Divorce:
How do I make new friends after divorce?
Making new friends after divorce is not so challenging. According to your interests, you can join special groups —political, civic or any other—where you can meet new people with similar passions. Also, contact your local church to find out if they have single groups. Many churches have single groups, which bring together people with similar interests through fun activities.
Should I look for friends at work after divorce?
There is no harm in making friends at work after divorce.
Find out if your co-workers would like to go out for lunch or spend an evening out after work. Usually, sales teams at work are quite social, and have get-togethers you could attend.
Are festivals a good place to make new friends after divorce?
Festivals, especially the ethnic ones, are indeed a good place to make new friends after divorce. An orthodox church brings people together and has them interact at international lunches. You can also make new friends at different festivals arranged across the country throughout the year.
Should I participate in school activities to meet new people after divorce?
Actively participate in your children’s school activities to meet new people after divorce. You can become a member of school committees, where you team up with other parents and work. This is definitely a good spot to meet new people and make some new friends.
More from DivorcedMoms:
- 10 Reasons It’s Important To Severe Ties With Toxic People
- Signs That Your Friendship Has Crossed The Line
- Divorce and Friends: What They Knew And Didn’t Say
- Why Can’t We Be Friends?
Who gets friends after a divorce?: conjure — LiveJournal
?- Society
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Almost all the friends we have came from my "line". Those. they are mostly my girlfriends who bring their life partners to our house. We get to know each other, have a great time, go to the cinema, exhibitions and restaurants together. Most often, in the event of a divorce, my girlfriends stay with me, and I never see or hear rejected men again in my life.
Sometimes unfortunately. It's strange to me that they, being so cute at the time, turn their backs on the whole world connected with the former.
But now there was such a situation that we were equally friendly with both the man and the woman who divorced successfully and with a strong crash.
They have not lived together for a very long time, and now we are talking with two new old couples: the woman has found herself a new companion, and the man has a new companion (because of which the whole divorce allegedly happened.) But the trouble is, a friend found out that we did not break off relations with her ex and went into a terrible rage. She even believes that we have betrayed her, since we host a homeowner.
Her reaction is both clear to me and not. We understand her pain, but we also understand him: c'est la vie - people often develop and grow in different directions and, as a result, part. Why should I choose between friends just because they didn't get along? He is as much a friend to us as she is.
If she cheated on her husband and left him, I would not turn away from her. So why should I turn my back on him?
I seriously don't know what to do, because the last thing I feel like a traitor is to any of my friends who don't live together anymore. We no longer invite them to joint parties, and a man visits us with his new companion much less often. But that's not what annoys me. Why are they demanding some kind of sacrifice and taking sides from me when I had absolutely nothing to do with their fight and I have every right to sympathize with both?
So, one more time. Yes, I feel bad for my friend that her husband cheated on her. And to this husband, now ex, I quite clearly stated my position. But I can’t judge him: love sometimes chooses very strange paths, and if the feelings are mutual, you can’t cope with them, and you can’t just break the old ties.
If you got divorced or separated, how did you deal with mutual friends? To whom did they get when dividing property and feelings? What did you expect from your friends in relation to your ex and why?
Damn.
How sad.
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I'm going through a very difficult time right now in terms of time for myself. We have to cut off an active online life by willpower. I am currently working on…
You artists are a little crazy, aren't you?
My English teacher asked me this question today.
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“I'm not ready to get closer”: new relationships after divorce0001
Divorce
It seemed that everything in my life was irreparably destroyed when my ex-husband confessed that he loved another. However, after a couple of months, I started dating. First - from despair, in order to somehow restore self-confidence. The dating period helped me understand that for many years I was with a man who did not see me as a woman. We lived as good friends, conversations concerned only the life of our daughter and household chores. We stopped making love.
Meeting other men made me feel sexy and desirable. I was not looking for a close person who would become my permanent partner, and I did not seek to get married again.
I liked that I could choose from different men. So why have I been dating one of them for a year now? We honestly told each other that we did not want to start a family. It's amazing how many parallels there were in our lives. We had mutual friends. We talked for hours about things that worried him and me equally. For the first time, we shared many thoughts and experiences only with each other.
Only a year later I decided to introduce him to my daughter and introduced him to some friends, without specifying the status of our relationship. He introduced me to his son.
Maybe we are just afraid to take another step towards each other and keep the door open?
Objectively speaking, we cannot be called a couple. We don't talk about the future and don't refer to ourselves as "we". We do not invite each other to family holidays and do not make plans beyond next week. We call each other friends. We don't see each other more than twice a week.
At the beginning of our relationship, he told me that he had deleted his profile from dating sites, but did not ask me to follow his example. I admitted that I correspond with other people whom I find interesting interlocutors. We did not return to this issue again.
Friends ask what our relationship means to me. I myself sometimes ask myself this question. This person is close to me, it is pleasant to communicate with him, but I do not fully understand how my future life will develop. It is important for me to take care of my career and think about my daughter. Divorce brought her a lot of pain, and I would not want to change anything in her life. At least until she graduates from high school.
We have agreed that we will let the other go if he finds a person with whom he suddenly wants to become a couple in the full sense of the word. We've been together for a year now. Maybe we are just afraid to take another step towards each other and keep the door open? I don't want to know the answer to this question.
I just want to enjoy our closeness, understanding and lack of promises.
Natalya Artsybasheva, Gestalt therapist
The most important thing in the heroine's story is the absence of fear of relationships. This is the story of a man who rediscovers himself and is guided by new knowledge in order to live in harmony. And this is very important: first put yourself in order, and then build a new connection.
Often we are driven to relationships after a divorce by the fear of being alone, social pressure (friends and relatives would be pleased to see our revenge), the desire to urgently fill the void. The heroine is not in a hurry, she tries, continuing to explore the new reality. Such an openness of life requires great courage, because research is always a risk of encountering unpleasant discoveries as well.
This approach has a lot of respect for oneself, for one's personal space. We change in marriage, and we don't always realize how much. When a relationship ends, a person finds himself alone with life and is simply forced to realize the changes that have taken place in him.
Often this is a chance to do something important, to realize your potential. This is the same need as the need for a relationship.
Speaking about her desire to build a career, the heroine gives herself the opportunity to choose which of her internal needs must be satisfied first. She admits that she keeps the door open in the relationship. This is evidence of great courage, self-confidence and respect for the other. And it looks like a luxury that we are not used to.
Often, out of fear of being abandoned again, women shorten the distance with a partner faster than they are internally ready. Taking your time, not making promises, and above all considering the distance that is right for you is the only way to live your life and build healthy relationships.
About the expert
Natalia Artsybasheva , gestalt therapist. Her website.
Text: Sabina Safarova Photo Source: Getty Images
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