Home » Misc » Love communication quotes

Love communication quotes


15 Relationship Communication Quotes to Strengthen Your Love

Screenshot-worthy words of wisdom about the power of the words you use with your partner. Plus a therapist's tips to communicate effectively.

Good communication builds better relationships

There’s nothing quite like a pandemic to make you reflect on life, happiness, how you spend your time, and with whom you spend it. Also? For many of us, stress is high (80% of Americans report feeling “significant” stress lately, says the American Psychological Association), patience is short, and libidos have dropped. (Thanks a lot, Covid-19.)

If your relationship’s been suffering thanks to any of the above, Vijayeta Sinh, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, says there’s one main key to keeping your partnership rock-solid: the way you communicate with each other. “How you communicate your wants, needs, and desires to your partner and how they receive that, and vice versa, is the foundation of your relationship,” Dr. Sinh says.

Learning how to speak your mind clearly but kindly and how to listen (and really hear them) are skills you can improve with practice. Dr. Sinh says good communication can develop into a powerful cycle wherein the talking and listening foster a stronger bond, and both partners can come to feel greater competence, compatibility, and confidence in their relationship. This then further enhances communication, Dr. Sinh says: “Partners who communicate well are good at knowing and understanding what the other needs from them and know how to meet those expectations.” That’s a win-win.

8 Budget-Friendly Sex Toys Worth Trying, with Wisdom from Clinical Sex Specialists

But how do you know if you and your partner are communicating well, until it’s totally clear you aren’t? Dr. Sinh recommends answering the following questions as honestly as you can. These questions can show you where you are strong and where your communication skills may still need work:

  • Can you say what you need from your partner without blaming, criticizing, or lecturing?

  • Can you listen to what your partner needs from you without becoming defensive? And do you remember those needs later?

  • Do you feel comfortable asking your partner to talk about a difficult issue?

  • Do you first consider how what you say impacts your partner, practically and emotionally?

  • When things start to feel tense, can you continue to speak in a patient, calm way with your partner?

  • Do you feel like you can ask for space to calm down during a heated conversation? Can you give your partner space, if requested?

  • How do you usually feel after an emotional conversation with your partner?

Need a little inspiration or motivation to improve your communication skills with your partner? Start by reading these relationship communication quotes from experts, as well as people who’ve been there.

Also check out The 16 Most Life-Changing Relationship, Health & Wellness Books of 2022, according to Therapists and Readers

Relationship communication quotes

THEHEALTHY.COM

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw, writer

Sinh says nothing is more frustrating than being on the receiving end of a one-sided interaction—perhaps better known as a lecture. You can avoid this by frequently checking in with your partner when you’re speaking, and asking clarifying questions when they are speaking.

Get The Healthy @Reader’s Digest newsletter for what’s trending in health and wellness daily

THEHEALTHY.COM

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” — Peter Drucker, management consultant, educator, and writer

Body language communicates just as much, if not more than the words said. This is true both when you’re speaking and listening. Paying attention to the other person’s nonverbal cues is one way to be a better listener.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” — Stephen R. Covey, internationally bestselling author

Experts say that trustworthiness is one of the most important attributes to look for in a partner. Here’s more wisdom on building trust in a relationship.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“I have been in love, and it was a great feeling. But love isn’t enough in a relationship—understanding and communication are very important aspects.” — Yuvraj Singh, an Indian athlete

Falling in love is just the beginning—but as time goes on, it takes so much more than love to sustain a loving relationship. Focusing too much on heady passion at the early stages of a relationship can make you miss serious red flags, like love-bombing.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen is to life. Without it, it dies.” — Tony A. Gaskins Jr., life coach

Yes, it takes work—but good communication is what will bring you both back to center.

Tiffani Thiessen Reflects on Her Grief After Losing 3 Iconic Co-Stars: “Life Is Extremely Precious”

THEHEALTHY.COM

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain

Say no more. We love this one.

Here’s How to Spot a Liar

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Conflict avoidance is not the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and poor communication.” — Harriet B. Braiker, psychologist and author

People who brag about being married 20 years without ever fighting are either delusional about the state of their marriage, or lying. While chronic fighting can be a clear sign of problems, having the occasional argument is simply a part of being in a relationship. The ways you work together to resolve it can deepen your bond.

On the other hand, these are the arguments that end relationships.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“A lot of problems in the world would be solved if we talked to each other instead of about each other.” — Nicky Gumbel, spiritual leader

It’s normal to seek some support from family members or friends when you’re having a tough time with your partner, but make sure you’re communicating your feelings with your spouse, and be very careful of what you share about your relationship with others.

Brooke Shields Exclusive: Her 4 Wellness Must-Haves and the “Extraordinary” Privilege of Aging

THEHEALTHY.COM

“A relationship without communication is just two people. ” — Unknown

A lack of communication hurts every other aspect of your relationship and is one of the most-cited reasons for divorce.

Here’s the scientific reason couples get back together after a breakup

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” — Anne Morrow Lindbergh, author and aviator

That person you could stay up talking with until 4 a.m? That’s something special.

Follow The Healthy on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively, with words of encouragement, or destructively, using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble. ” — Yehuda Berg, spiritual leader

Enough said.

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship: 18 Expert Tips

THEHEALTHY.COM

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus

Word to that. Check out these clear signs you have bad listening skills and how to work on improving them.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“Effective communication is 20 percent what you know and 80 percent how you feel about what you know.” — Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker

The words you choose can convey the details, but your feelings behind them will really deliver your message.

THEHEALTHY.COM

“I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.” — Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the United States

Anyone who’s ever feared they overshared on social media might agree: you don’t have to say everything that comes to your mind.

Are You a “Simp” in Love? Relationship Therapists Explain How (and Why) Not to Be

THEHEALTHY.COM

“The 3 C’s of healthy relationships: communication, compromise, commitment.” — Unknown

Finding the love of your life is just the beginning of your journey together. Learning how to communicate, compromise, and truly commit to each other is what will keep you together through all the ups and downs.

Keep reading:

  • Miranda Kerr Just Shared Her 4 Secrets for Gorgeous Skin, Low Inflammation, and Better Digestion
  • Eating This Fruit Once a Day Can Decrease Bad Cholesterol, Says New Study
  • Here’s Why Too Much Vitamin D Can Cause Major Health Problems
  • Nate Berkus Just Shared His #1 Best Design Secret for a Better Night’s Sleep

Popular Videos

Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Charlotte Hilton Andersen, MS, is an award-winning journalist, author, and ghostwriter who for nearly two decades has covered health, fitness, parenting, relationships, and other wellness and lifestyle topics for major outlets, including Reader’s Digest, O, The Oprah Magazine, Women’s Health, and many more. Charlotte has made appearances with television news outlets such as CBS, NBC, and FOX. She is a certified group fitness instructor in Denver, where she lives with her husband and their five children.

120 Communication Quotes & Sayings About Relationships

This collection of communication quotes collection will help you develop stronger and healthier relationships.

Obviously, trust, understanding, and empathy are vital to the success of any relationship, but there is often something that goes underrated that never should.

We’re talking about communication.

In order for any relationship to stand the test of time, solid lines of communication must be established in order for both parties to feel fully understood and have a safe place to voice their true feelings.

Strong communication is important in relationships.

For you to have a healthy relationship, you need to talk openly and be a good listener.

Although every relationship faces challenges at some point, a healthy communication style can make it easier to handle conflict and strengthen the partnership.

Most relationships fail because of poor communication.

To avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger, resentment, or confusion, you need to communicate clearly.

You need to know how and when to communicate your concerns to your partner.

You cannot read other people’s minds.

Besides, everyone has different communication needs and styles.

You should, therefore, find a way of communicating that suits your relationships.

Connect and use your verbal, written, and physical skills to understand your partner and fulfill their needs.

To help strengthen your relationships below is our collection of inspirational, wise, and thoughtful communication quotes, communication sayings, and communication proverbs.

For additional reading, learn more about color code communication.

Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration. 

Check out our inspirational quotes category page for more inspirational life quotes.

Communication quotes and sayings to strengthen relationships

1. “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” – Peter Drucker

2. “Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.” ― Lawrence Clark Powell

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of relationship quotes celebrating real love.

3. “When people talk listen completely. Most people never listen.”- Ernest Hemingway

4. “Emotional awareness is necessary so you can properly convey your thoughts and feelings to the other person.” – Jason Goldberg

5. “Communication works for those who work at it.” – John Powell

6. “Open communication is the lifeblood that keeps a marriage in the spring and summer seasons- times of optimism and enjoyment.” – Gary Chapman

7. “I think for any relationship to be successful, there needs to be loving communication, appreciation, and understanding. ” – Miranda Kerr

8. “Communicate unto the other person that which you would want him to communicate unto you if your positions were reversed.” – Aaron Goldman

9. “It’s important to make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds.” ― Barack Obama

10. “Families who have strong and healthy communication skills can weather significant challenges and remain intact. Those with limited effective communication skills are vulnerable to the challenges of life pulling them apart.” – Ellen Miley Perry

Communication quotes to inspire happier and healthier relationships

11. “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.” – Rollo May

12. “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” – Plato

13. “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. ” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

14. “Communication sometimes is not what you first hear, listen not just to the words, but listen for the reason.” – Catherine Pulsifer

15. “If you can talk about it, why paint it?” – Francis Bacon

16. “Communication is your ticket to success, if you pay attention and learn to do it effectively.” – Theo Gold

17. “Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.” ― Charlie Kaufman

18. “Communication involves self-revelation on the part of one individual and listening on the part of another.”- Dr. Gary Chapman

19. “To love someone with all of your heart requires reaching them where they are with the only words they can understand.” ― Shannon L. Alder

20. “We, as human beings, learn through sharing and communicating.” –Hugo Reynolds

Also, check out these listening quotes and sayings that will inspire you to improve your communication skills.

Communication quotes to inspire and teach

21. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

22. “To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

23. “Conversation, like certain portions of the anatomy, always runs more smoothly when lubricated.” ― Marquis de Sade

24. “We take communication for granted because we do it so frequently, but it’s actually a complex process.” – Joseph Sommerville

25. “We never listen when we are eager to speak. – Francois de la Rochefoucauld

26. “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” ― Peggy O’Mara

27. “Ask most therapists, and they will tell you that good communication is at the heart of any successful relationship. ” – Sophie Winters

28. “Every act of communication is a miracle of translation.” ― Ken Liu

29. “Speech is our primary means of communication. If it’s important, we tell people about it.” – Brian Knapp

30. “Honest, open communication is the only street that leads us into the real world… We then begin to grow as never before. And once we are on this road, happiness cannot be far away.” ― John Joseph Powel

Communication quotes to help bring transparency

31. “Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.” – Chinese Proverb

32. “Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know.” – Jim Rohn

33. “When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.” – Stephen R. Covey
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of trust issues quotes that will help you understand the meaning of trust.

34. “The art of communication is the language of leadership.” – James Humes

35. “Self-consciousness kills communication.” ― Rick Steves

36. “But good healthy communication is impossible without openness, honesty, and vulnerability.” – Paul Kendall

37. “We are stronger when we listen, and smarter when we share.” ― Rania Al-Abdullah

38. “Effective communication helps to keep the team working on the right projects with the right attitude.” – Alex Langer
If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of team quotes that will inspire you and your teammates to collectively meet your goals.

39. “No one can tell, when two people walk closely together, what unconscious communication one mind may have with another” ― Robert Barr

40. “The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say — because they were too obvious. ” ― André Gide

Powerful communication quotes

41. “Communication – the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer

42. “Communication is one of the most important skills you require for a successful life.” – Catherine Pulsifer

43. “Make sure to communicate your idea quickly and keep it straight to the point.” – Paul Bailey

44. “Say a little and say it well.” – Irish Proverb

45. “If you have nothing to say, say nothing.” – Mark Twain

46. “Talking more than is necessary is a barrier to effective communication and effective listening.” – Clodagh Swanson

47. “You can communicate best when you first listen.” – Catherine Pulsifer

48. “You must be able to communicate successfully in order to become a leader and someone others listen to.” – Keith Boyer

49. “Conversation is king. Content is just something to talk about.” ― Cory Doctorow

50. “Your words will either give you joy or give you sorrow, but if they were spoken without regret, they give you peace.” ― Shannon Alder

Other inspirational communication quotes and sayings

51. “Effective Communication is a way to success”― Jaspal Singh Malik
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of short quotes that can make a big difference in your life.

52. “The quality of your communication determines the size of your result.”― Meir Ezra

53. “If people had the right skills and intention to communicate well, there would be no conflict. The better we are at communicating, the better our lives will be.”― Yama Mubtaker

54. “Words travel as swiftly as desire, so it is possible to send a message of love without them.”― Laura Esquivel

55. “Don’t assume that prior communication has been effective and that people get it.”― Benjamin Komlos

56. “If there is a communication issue, it is not the fault of the other person but of both people.”― Jeffrey G. Duarte

57. “The fact that I’m using words doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m saying anything.”― Craig D. Lounsbrough

58. “Communication is humanity’s greatest blessing, although efforts to establish it can feel like humanity’s greatest curse.”― Cole Todd

59. “Opening up a conversation can be opening up a world of new possibilities.”― Michelle Lederman

60. “There is no communication that is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.”― Luigina Sgarro

61. “If we wish to achieve better communication, we should feel free to make changes in the ways we communicate.”― Dr Prem Jagyasi

62. “Sometimes it isn’t what a person says, but rather what they don’t say, that tells you more than their words ever could. ”― Laurie Buchanan, PhD

63. “Your body language can divulge your disinterest or, conversely, it can affirm your attentiveness and confidence.”― Michelle Tillis Lederman

64. “When you stop communicating, you become poor.”― Meir Ezra

65. “Communication is the first pillar of love.”― Alan Maicon

You might also like these hug quotes for when you need one.

More communication quotes and sayings

66. “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” – Henry Winkler

67. “A beautiful thing happens when we start paying attention to each other. It is by participating more in your relationship that you breathe life into it.” – Steve Maraboli

68. “Nothing said in words ever came out quite even. Things in words got twisted and ran together, instead of staying straight and fitting together.” – Ursula K. Le Guin

69. “We all struggle with our failure to communicate and our failure to reach beyond fear to love people. ” – Mira Sorvino

70. “Words are the voice of the heart.” – Confucius

71. “It doesn’t matter if people don’t know that you do a good thing nor the right thing. But he nor she must know your expression of love.” – Olivia Sinaga

72. “Lack of communication will destroy a relationship.” – Sayam Asjad

73. “People don’t have anything but the communication with the things.” – Meir Ezra

74. “Once you communicate, you don’t discover reality, you create reality.” – Meir Ezra

75. “Let’s forget about the things you haven’t done, and talk about what you have done.” – Michelle Lederman

76. “When people agree with me, I always feel that I must be wrong.” — Oscar Wilde

77. “Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.” —William Butler Yeats

78. “How often misused words generate misleading thoughts. ” ― Herbert Spencer

79. “The great enemy of communication, we find, is the illusion of it. “ ― William H. Whyte

80. “It is not the voice that commands the story; it is the ear.” ― Italo Calvino

Effective communication quotes

81. “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

82. “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” – Albert Einstein

83. “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker

84. “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” – Mark Twain

85. “We speak not only to tell other people what we think, but to tell ourselves what we think. Speech is a part of thought.” – Oliver Sacks

86. “I motivate players through communication, being honest with them, having them respect and appreciate your ability and your help.” – Tommy Lasorda

87. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

88. “The more we learn about effective communication, the better we’ll be at leading, as our directives will be better understood.” – Paul Jarvis

89. “You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.” – Zig Ziglar

90. “Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.” – Brian Tracy

Wise communication quotes and sayings

91. “ Silence is golden when it’s called for. Silence can be deadly

when it’s not called for ” –Meryl Runion 

92. “Everything and anything we communicate to others, communicates to them, how to see us and treat us.” –Miya Yamanouchi 

93. “In order to understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true, and try to imagine what it is true of.” –George Miller 

94. “Flexibility and the ability to interpret other people’s needs is what characterizes a good communicator.” –Thomas Erikson

95. “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”  –Tony Robbins

96. “When we don’t tell those we love what’s really going on or listen carefully to what they have to say, we tend to fill in the blanks with stories.”  –Sharon Salzberg

97. “My belief is that communication is the best way to create strong relationships.” –Jada Pinkett Smith

98. “A lack of communication leaves fear and doubt.”  –Kellan Lutz

99. “Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.” –Emma Thompson

100. “Simple and to the point is always the best way to get your point across.” -Guy Kawasaki

Meaningful Communication Quotes to Build Relationship

101. “You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” – C. JoyBell C.

102. “Alone, we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

103. “In teamwork, silence isn’t golden, it’s deadly.” – Mark Sanborn

104. “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a life long quest of the wise. ” – Shannon L. Alder

105. “If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.” – Henry Ford

106. “The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club won’t be worth a dime.” – Babe Ruth

107. “Communication is the solvent of all problems and is the foundation for personal development.” – Peter Shepherd

108. “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” – Wilson Mizner

109. “Communicate in a respectful manner – don’t just tell your team members what you want, but explain to them why.” – Jeffrey Morales

110. “Who you are is speaking so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Communication Quotes And Sayings To Help You Be A Communicator

111. “There is only one rule for being a good talker – learn to listen.” ― ”Christopher Morley

112. “A lot of problems in the world would be solved if we talked to each other instead of about each other.” ― Nickey Gumbel

113. “To have good communications skills means you are able to make your point without a lot of fillers and stumbling.” ― Gregory Davidson

114. “Get to the point quickly to prove that what you’re saying is worth reading or listening to, otherwise people will lose interest.” ― Corrina Thurston

115. “Verbal communication is essential in order to understand what is going on inside other people. If they do not tell us their thoughts, their feelings, and their experiences, we are left to guess.” ― Dr. Gary Chapman

116. “Eye contact is one of the primal ways of communicating.” ― Clive Harman

117. “I began noting where the audience laughed or clapped or paid closest attention. I came to realize that a good speech is not a soliloquy but a dialogue.” ― Sarah Ferguson

118. “Another vitally important attribute along the road to wisdom in interpersonal success is to listen well. This means that you pay total attention to those that are speaking to you and not barging into the conversation because you want to insert your opinion.” ― Catherine Pulsife

119. “Don’t give up at the first signs of friction: only through clear communication, flexibility and willingness to adapt can you find a relationship that will weather the storms of life.” ― Tom Miles

120. “Use different messaging for different groups to ensure your communications are relevant.” ―  Andrea Plos  

Did you enjoy these communication quotes and sayings?

Communication is a vital part of all relationships.

For there to be a stronger and healthier relationship, you need to have good communication among the parties involved.

Lack of communication can lead to insecurities, faithlessness, misunderstandings, mistrust or doubt.

Hopefully, the above quotes will improve your communication style, help build trust, and make your relationships happier and healthier.

Which of the above communication quotes resonated with you best?

Do you have any other quotes to add?

Let us know in the comment section below.

July 26, 2022 5:00 AM EST

Related Topics:Quotes

"So strange and desperate": 20 quotes about what it means to love

Love and sex

"Love runs from those who chase after it, and those who run away, throw themselves on the neck." William Shakespeare

“We need beauty to be loved by men; and stupidity - so that we love men. Coco Chanel

"He who loves must share the fate of the one he loves." Mikhail Bulgakov

Still from the film "Bitter Moon"

"True love will never die. " Stephen King

“All nations have a saying: “Out of sight, out of mind.” I say that there is nothing more false in the world. The farther from the eyes, the closer to the heart. Being in exile in a foreign land, we lovingly cherish in memory any little thing that reminds us of our homeland. Yearning in separation from the one we love, we see dear features in every passer-by on the street. Paulo Coelho

"There are two ways to save you from suffering: quick death and lasting love." Friedrich Nietzsche

"A man in love is one who loves to look at a woman asleep and enjoy her from time to time." Frederic Beigbeder

"There is a big difference between love and sex: sex removes the feeling of awkwardness, love creates it." Woody Allen

“Love is the best cosmetic. But cosmetics are easier to buy.” Yves Saint Laurent

Shot from the film “Last Tango in Paris”

“Someone misses one woman, and he switches to fifth, tenth. And another does not have enough life to love the one and only. Konstantin Khabensky

"Love conquers everything except poverty and toothache." Mae West

“A woman is a reflection of a man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become madness. Brad Pitt

"Your naked body should belong to someone who loves your naked soul." Charlie Chaplin

“Love is a priceless gift. It's the only thing we can give and yet you keep it." Leo Tolstoy

Shot from the film “Beauty Fatale”

“Love cannot endure ruthless analysis. If you constantly check it, disassemble it by bones, compare it, bring it to the light, it will wither and gradually die.” Sophia Loren

"Honestly, I don't want someone who only sees the good in me, I want someone who sees the bad in me, but still wants to be with me." Marilyn Monroe

“Love is not a mirror pond that you can look into forever. It has ebb and flow. And the wreckage of wrecked ships, and sunken cities, and octopuses, and storms, and boxes of gold, and pearls ... But pearls - they lie very deep. Erich Maria Remarque

“They say love is the most profitable investment, the more you give, the more you get in return. That's not the point: love is the most unique contribution - the more you give it, the more it is born in you. If everyone understood this, how much easier it would be to live!” Audrey Hepburn

“Love is life itself, but not an unreasonable, suffering and perishing life, but a blissful and endless life.” Leo Tolstoy

Tags

  • relationships

How first love affects relationships in the future

Love and sex

All contacts, and especially those that happen for the first time, are extremely important for personal development. When we are born, we learn from our relationships with our parents, as we get older, we learn from our siblings, soak up the mentoring of teachers, and by the time we reach adolescence, we entrust the role of main influencers to friends, through whom we open the shaky world of unrelated relationships.

The next stage is first love, which awakens a stormy range of feelings that were dormant for the time being and imperceptibly forms personal attitudes towards romantic relationships. It happens to everyone, and not necessarily at an early age. You can fall in love with the neighbor Vovka at the age of three, having met in the sandbox, or for the first time feel a languid response in your heart, exchanging your fifth decade.

“No matter when your first love fell on you, you should know that it will definitely affect relationships in the future,” says Australian psychologist and dating expert Melanie Schilling. - The intensity of emotions is firmly imprinted in the memory - simply because you are experiencing them for the first time. This is also understandable from a biochemical point of view - the body is suddenly occupied by hormones, the influence of which was previously unknown to it. The hormonal storm of feelings resembles puberty - physical, emotional, intellectual and even spiritual - and most often accompanies it.

It happens that the first love develops into a lifelong feeling, although the statistics on this score become sadder over the years. Fortunately, a person is able to fall in love repeatedly, learning from previous relationships, so that subsequently reality does not suffer from low or high expectations. There is no place for fatalism or apathy. “Take a decisive stand. If you really want to be happy, avoid making the same mistake when starting a new romance. Think and admit what “burden” of first love you would not want to drag into a happy future, ”advises Schilling.

What do we usually inherit from our first love, and how can we use this baggage so as not to spoil new relationships?

1. Lust for Passion and Craving for Standard Scenario

"No one is immune to the stubborn dictates of first love that makes us question new relationships against a romantic benchmark from the past," writes Dr. Gale Brewer, educator, in his article. social psychology at the University of Central Lancashire.

When you fell in love for the first time, you probably felt your heart fluttering in your chest, and butterflies in your stomach. And it would seem quite logical that you expect the same when you meet a new love. But no, before you is an educated person with serious intentions, ready to take you to Europe monthly, and to the supermarket weekly, and completely incapable of reading poetry under the moon. Where are the thousand-fold “I love you” in WhatsApp, where are the bouquets with sweets? Crazy outdoor sex? And what about nighttime turns in restaurants and clubs? Quarrels with breaking dishes and reconciliation with kisses? It's boring!

This approach is understandable from the standpoint of youthful maximalism, but is absurd in a mature relationship. You may not have realized it yet, but your needs have changed as you have grown.

This is just an illusion with a projection into the past that a storm of passions is more important than care and stability.

Obsessed with the need for emotional troubles and at the same time sincerely expecting reliability and devotion from your partner, you will inevitably be disappointed in the hero of the new novel.

Of course, you can continue your search, focusing on the internal butterflies and the quality of the adoration offered, but believe me, this approach does not lead to family happiness. It is much more constructive to admit that the old tactics have lost their relevance, and try to weather the dope of first love before it destroys your current relationship.

2. Understanding what you want and what to stay away from

Imagine that you went on a long-awaited trip and returned with a lot of impressions or disappointments. When someone asks you how it was, you know what to say, right? It’s the same with your first love – having survived this “super tour”, you will know exactly what you gained, what you lost and what you want, moving on. So tell me about it - to yourself.

"For first love to be a positive lesson for future relationships, sit down and make a list of traits your new boyfriend might have," recommends Dr. Brewer. - List all the positive aspects of the experience so you know what makes you happy. Be honest, do not get carried away by the euphoria of the past and do not idealize the experience - after all, there was something that made you part ways.

The same principle works in identifying both positive and negative moments - those that you would not want to deal with in the future (for example, if the former was a terrible spender or had a quarrelsome character).

While the wounds are still fresh, it is very useful to clearly state the features that you dislike in order to pay attention to them when considering candidates for the next novel.

They say first love never dies, and that's not true. However, her ghost is always ready to haunt you in new relationships, and happiness, as you know, is in your hands.

Learn more