Traits of mothers
Top Qualities of a Mother
What makes a good mom? These 8 qualities of a mother will help you develop a close relationship with your child and thrive in motherhood.
We may not outwardly say it, but chances are, we’ve all thought it:
I don’t know if I’m doing this mom thing right.
We won’t always call a friend and admit it. Nor do we get annual reviews or any feedback to measure how we’re doing like we would in a paid job. And most of what we learn about being a mom is a patchwork of experience, peers, and research.
But I hear it time and again from so many moms wondering if they’re doing enough. Feeling scared to screw it up. Afraid of judgment. Carrying a mixed bag of loving motherhood, but secretly missing their old lives before kids.
Guess what though? It’s normal to feel this way.
We think of motherhood like a goal—something to strive for and “achieve. ” Instead, the qualities of a mother aren’t outward and achievement-based. Rather, it’s rooted to who we are within.
We shouldn’t aim for perfection, but instead, develop traits that create healthy relationships with ourselves and our kids. Motherhood is a journey, one where we can develop the qualities we’d want to see in our kids.
Table of Contents
8 qualities of a mother
So, what makes a great mom? Let’s take a closer look at this list of the top qualities of a mother. Guaranteed you have many, if not all. If anything, I hope the article reminds you of your many qualities, as it did with these fellow moms:
“Thank you so much for the well written wisdom. Today is an exceptionally hard day and reading your article is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for putting down into words how I feel, as well as giving me suggestions on how to make things better.” -Holly
“Nina thank you so much for your article, it was very encouraging!” -Cristina
“Thank you so much for the amazing tips, it surely helps to be a better mom.
” -Estrella
“I love this article! It’s very true and helpful. Some days it’s hard to know if I’m doing it right. Though I know no parent is perfect and every day it will seem like there are parenting fails, but there can also be many successes… Thanks for sharing this article!” -Shannon
“Very well said! Being a mom is a tough job and we have to set ourselves to do the very best we could for our children. I’m far from perfect but I’m getting a little better every day, a work in progress. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post Nina!” -Veronica
1. Patient
With patience, you’re less likely to yell or say things you might regret, especially when it’s crunch time in the morning and you need to get out the door. Being a patient mom is key when it comes to motherhood.
You’re also more likely to accept your child’s behavior, from taking forever to put on his shoes to him testing his boundaries. Patience reminds you that his behavior isn’t outright defiance—it’s part of his and growing independence.
Put it into practice:
- Take breaks! When I feel myself getting frustrated, I’ll tell my boys, “Mommy needs space. I’m going to my room, and I’ll be right back!” It beats the alternative: getting frustrated and losing my temper (then feeling guilty it).
- Slow down. It’s okay not to get everything done this second. Putting so much on yourself causes unnecessary stress. Be kind to yourself—it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get those bills paid/dishes washed/bed made this instant.
- Practice how to respond calmly. Think about your patience with other people besides your kids. You may not be so snappy with your spouse, friends, or co-workers—don’t behave any differently with your kids.
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2. Respectful
It’s easy to be snarky, bossy, sarcastic, or disrespectful to our kids, in ways we would never want other to treat them. So why do we do it?
Respect your child for being the unique person he is, not an extension of you. He’s a wonderful, independent person with a budding personality, his own tastes, likes and dislikes, wants and needs.
You might clash over ideals and opinions and disagree more than once, but these are never reasons to treat him any less respectfully.
Put it into practice: Think of how you communicate with him. Then, take a look at this video where I share three important questions you should ask yourself to see if you’re truly being respectful:
Powerful, isn’t it? And if the answer is no to these questions, then it’s time to change course.
Learn 3 ways we unintentionally disrespect kids.
3. Strong
Motherhood takes an emotional toll on even the strongest of women. Fueling your inner strength and being the rock your child can rely on become even more important than ever.
She needs you to reassure her fears and anxieties, to be the one constant that will make transitions less worrisome. That she’ll always have a place to go for comfort. You’re the steadying force in what can feel like a chaotic, confusing world.
So, how do you find strength to be there for her when you barely have enough for yourself?
Put it into practice: Be calm and reasonable.
In times of crisis, don’t freak out. One time, I was stuck in our apartment elevator with my son. I knew the elevator did this from time to time, but feeling trapped was still not a good feeling.
If I had been alone, I would’ve had a nervous breakdown: elevated heartbeat, sweaty palms, feeling helpless. But I knew I needed to be strong with him right next to me. My mind went straight into logic mode, and I ran through the steps to get us out of there.
I had to push my worries and fears aside so he would know we were okay—that this was nothing to worry about, and that we’d get out (and of course we did).
Check out these 8 leadership qualities of a mother.
4. Humble
We’re not infallible, so we shouldn’t try to behave like we are.
There’s nothing worse than letting pride get the best of you. Kids need to know that adults make mistakes too. Have you ever tried to cover up something you did because you were embarrassed of letting your kids see?
You can’t expect them to own up to their own mistakes if you never do so to yours.
Use this as an opportunity to model how to apologize, even if just so that they can learn how to do the same to others. Be gracious and humble, and they will, too.
Humility is a gentle reminder that we’re on a path of lifelong learning.
Put it into practice:
- Apologize for your mistakes. Swallowing your pride and saying you’re sorry can be difficult, especially with your kids. But think of the example you’re setting for them—and the kind of people you’d want them to be.
- Don’t always try to be right. It’s easy to get into power struggles when you insist on “winning.” Learn to see their point of view and stop focusing on being right all the time.
5. Empathetic
Empathy is the ability to understand and even share what other people must be feeling. Responding to your child with empathy makes you wonder why he behaved the way he did, instead of launching into full-on discipline mode.
You see, if you’re like many parents, you get sucked into power struggles when he misbehaves. Your eyebrows furrow, you raise your voice, your hands are on your hips. You’ve lined up your arguments and feel all patience draining.
It’s you versus him. And if we’re being honest, it’s an unfair battle when we know who’s going to dominate (hint: you). But when you discipline with empathy, you’re not out to win or lose. Instead, you’re on the same side.
Imagine a teacher and a student gearing up for a big test. The teacher isn’t trying to outdo the student by taking the test and “winning.” Instead, she’s giving him the tools he’ll need to take the test himself and succeed.
Teacher and student are on the same side, just as parent and child should be. This isn’t a battle to be won—you’re both on the same journey.
Put it into practice:
- Ask why your child is behaving this way. Chances are, an underlying reason you haven’t even thought about is lurking beneath his behavior.
Think about what he must be feeling and put yourself in his shoes. Would you have behaved the same way if it were you? - Validate your child. Show or tell him you understand what he must be feeling. Often we just want to be heard—your child is no different.
Learn why every parent needs to show empathy to their kids.
6. Authoritative
A good mom knows how to be responsive and nurturing, while also showing authority and setting high expectations. After all, kids need boundaries to explore within safe confines.
When my little one started crawling, his pediatrician told me, “It’s your job to set boundaries, and it’s his job to explore within those boundaries.” That advice goes well into toddlerhood and beyond, don’t you think?
It’s our job as parents to provide resources and support so we can set our kids up to learn and grow. Being authoritative is a balance of warmth and support with consistency and high expectations.
Put it into practice:
- Follow through with consequences. Inconsistency will confuse your child. She won’t know what to expect and might act out even more, especially when her actions aren’t met with consistent discipline.
- Set your expectations and make sure she knows what they are. She can’t be held responsible if she doesn’t know what’s expected of her.
- Give choices. Choices will empower and allow her to take ownership of her actions. She’ll be more inclined to comply if the choice was something she decided to do rather than something she was forced to.
Get more tips about how to practice authoritative parenting.
7. Supportive
If you struggle with control, this one might be tough to hear.
Because we can raise our kids to follow our values, interests, and principles, but at the end of the day, we can’t form who they are as a person.
Forcing them into interests or personalities that are more aligned with ours doesn’t respect their own passions.
Put it into practice:
- Encourage and show interest in your child’s hobbies and passions. Be involved. Provide resources she needs to further her talents, passions, and interests.
- Work with her temperament, instead of forcing her to mold to yours.
Read more about how to support your child’s interests.
8. Loving
My son and I were busy scribbling in notebooks—he with his sketches and me writing notes for this article. He stopped midway and asked, “What are you writing about?”
“An article about what makes a good mom.” I said. Then I paused and asked him, “What do you think makes a good mom?”
Without skipping a beat, he responded, “Love.”
Isn’t that so true? Kids don’t need a ton of things, but a mother’s love is essential.
It’s the language that reassures them they belong in this world and to your family unit.
Love binds the unspoken words that say so many things, from tending to a scraped knee to “I-love-you-to-the-moon-and-back” love.
You see, most of us agree we love our kids unconditionally. But do they know that? We smother them with kisses during happy times only to send them away to a timeout when they’re upset.
As I say in my book, Parenting with Purpose:
“We can’t judge their emotions, hugging and kissing them when they’re happy but withholding affection when they’re angry. Our kids will think, ‘Mom kisses me when I feel happy or excited, but then yells or ignores me when I feel sad, angry, or scared.’ We need to love and support them through all emotions—happy or sad, silly or angry.
It boils down to this: The times we least feel like loving our kids are when they need us the most.”
Be there for your child, through all her emotions. She’ll know every one of her feelings are welcome. You don’t pick and choose which ones you’d like her to feel, or withhold your affection when she’s upset.
She knows you love her no matter what, from tickles to tantrums, from “I love you’s” to hurtful words.
She’ll also feel like she can be herself. She doesn’t have to pretend or hide because she knows you accept her for who he is. The more confident she feels about your affection, the less she’ll misbehave.
Reassure her you love her no matter what. That you’ll help her through her worst storms and won’t abandon her when she needs you most—even when she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.
Put it into practice:
- Convey that you love her no matter what, even when she’s in the middle of a meltdown or when she makes mistakes.
- Remind her that you love her for being who she is. Make sure she knows she doesn’t have to do anything to prove it. Just being born is enough to deserve love.
Conclusion
I can’t think of any other time when being a mom is scrutinized the way it is these days.
Motherhood is on display 24/7 thanks to social media, the news, even gossip.
We wage mommy wars on one another, and hear differing opinions on everything, from everyone. Living in the information age has its perks, but you can have too much of a good thing.
But in the midst of all the crazy, what makes for a good mom—and a good person—are the basic characteristics of who we are. The qualities of a mother we’d want to pass on to our kids as well.
We may not always get this mom thing right, but with these qualities—empathy, strength, and love, among others—we see we’re doing better than we thought.
Get more tips:
- How to Be a Good Mom (Even When You Feel Discouraged)
- 7 Reasons You’re Not Enjoying Motherhood
- What to Do When You Feel Like You’re Failing as a Parent
- Time Management for Moms: Tips You Can Actually Apply
- Mom Guilt: 7 Reasons We Shouldn’t Blame Ourselves for Everything
Don’t forget: Join my newsletter and sign up for the Motherhood Motivation 5-Day Challenge:
15 Inspiring Characteristics & Key Traits Of A Good Mother
A good mother loves her children unconditionally and ensures they grow into disciplined individuals.
Image: iStock
Motherhood consists of a number of innate traits that make her right for the job. It is a self-learned journey, and the instincts come naturally to her and are not acquired. So if you are pondering over how you can improve as a mother, stop worrying and go with the flow. You will eventually know what your child wants and what works for them. However, if you want to adopt certain qualities that can be helpful for your child, then this post brings you key traits that reflect motherhood.
15 Characteristics Of A Good Mother
Here are some of the inspiring characteristics of a good mother that can guide you.
1. Role model
You brought your child into this world, and you are their first point of contact, it’s natural that they look up to you. Being a strong parent might feel difficult, but if you want your child to grow up to be a good person, you too have to practice those behaviors as they will learn from you.
Related: 8 Different Ways In Which A Mother Can Influence Child Development
2.
Source of love and affectionImage: iStock
Shower them with kisses and hugs, children who constantly get affection from their parents tend to have a healthy mind and body. Studies have also shown that it helps in the proper brain development of your child (1). When you are caressing and affectionate to your children, they will be happier and more successful as adults (2).
3. Problem solver
Kids see and learn everything that their parents do. Whenever there is a problem or if they do something wrong, make them politely understand what is right or wrong instead of scolding them. They will learn the way you deal with problems in life.
4. Patient
Motherhood is a beautiful experience, but it can also be quite taxing on your emotional and physical well-being. After completing a series of chores, finding your child has spewed milk all over the floor might make you feel stressed out and frustrated. Patience is key here, understand that hurtful words will not solve the situation.
Be calm and resolve the situation.
5. Forgiver
Image: iStock
Your kids will make mistakes as they grow up, you need to understand this and forgive them. Forgiveness is not an easy task to do, even adults have a hard time forgiving. However, when your child sees your forgiving nature towards them, they too will acquire the trait from you while growing up.
6. Respectable
Respect is important in any relationship, even as a parent, you should respect your child. Understand that they are growing and learning. If they have a different opinion than you, it does not mean they are wrong. You have to be understanding towards
them and respect their opinions as well.
7. Tutor
A mother is the first teacher of a child. Your children don’t know what you expect from them unless you express. Setting some ground rules right from their foundation years will make them understand their boundaries. Be consistent with your rules, changing them frequently could confuse them.
8. Optimistic
Positive reinforcement is the way to go whenever your child makes a mistake. Instead of criticizing them about what they have done, focus on what they should do next to correct their mistakes. It helps in disciplining their behavior.
9. Strong and resilient
Image: iStock
Your child will look up to you for almost everything. Being their mother, you have to be strong and resilient even when under stress. You will be the one to comfort them when they are at their lowest, if you don’t find strength in yourself, you cannot help your child.
Related: 13 Ways Single Moms Cope With Loneliness
10. Disciplined
Kids are naturally curious seekers. Losing your temper when they mess up will make them stubborn. Being their mother, understanding that instilling fear is not the answer here. Teaching them how to be disciplined is important, and that too in a non-violent manner.
11. Friend
The goal of motherhood is not to be their child’s friend.
A mother must fulfill their duty as a parent and a caregiver first until they reach adulthood.
12. Humility
Humility is a virtue that most people forget. Be humble, and they will learn it from you and become a good person growing up.
13. Sense of humor
Image: iStock
People tend to look for a partner who has a good sense of humor. Now is the time to cultivate the same for your child. Instead of being serious and strict with them all the time, having a sense of humor will only strengthen the bond between you both.
14. Adjustable
If your kid is young, it might seem too early to teach them basic survival skills such as cooking, doing their own laundry, cleaning up their bedroom, and many such things. As a mother, you should teach them these skills as they grow older. They will thank you later on in life.
15. Artistic
Image: iStock
Many kids like a particular form of art or sports from a young age. When children engage in activities they enjoy, they will learn.
This way, they can hone their artistic skills, and who knows, they might even turn out to be a prodigy.
These inspiring traits of a mother help us realize how important a role mothers play in their child’s lives. They support us during all our hardships and mold us to become better people with all the required good qualities. Therefore, you must appreciate all your mother does for you and ensure you express your love and gratitude for her. Further, playing the role of a mother can be emotionally and mentally taxing at times. Thus, it is also vital that mothers take some time out for themselves and indulge in self-care.
Related: Top 120 Reasons Why I Love My Mother
Key Pointers
- A mother is a role model for her kids and is always their first love.
- Patience, respect, unconditional love are a few of the many attributes of a good mother.
- Along with taking care of her children and family, a mother needs to take care of herself as well.
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Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with over three years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing. He is also a Certified Relationship Workshop Facilitator for Life Coaches. Akshay interned and worked with various newspapers and the Public Relations Department...
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Nancy Fagan specializes in relationship problems, couples counseling, and divorce, having done her Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology. She is the founder of the Relationship Resolution Center in Plano, Texas, and is a published author with three books in her name "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Romance" (Macmillan Publishing), "Desirable Men: How to Find Them" (Prima Publishing), and "Fables of...
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The Five Types of Mothers and Their Emotional Legacies
Whether we are close to our mother or prefer to keep our distance, lost her a few years ago or moved to another country - in any case, her lifestyle and our relationship with her determine almost every aspect of our being.
In the way we behave and interact with others, in our attitudes, values and beliefs, in our family and sexual life, the emotional heritage that we received from our mother is reflected.
Much has been written about how attachment develops between mother and child in the first months and years of life. Thanks to Sigmund Freud and especially John Bowlby, we know that a child's well-being is based above all on a healthy, secure attachment to the mother. Less attention is paid to how these relationships develop later, in childhood and adolescence, how this attachment shapes the lifestyle and behavior of an adult.
American clinical psychologist and experienced family therapist Stephen Poulter observes: “The most important thing is to recognize that this influence exists. And it can only be negative if it remains unidentified, rejected or misunderstood. When you realize how multifaceted this impact is and learn to manage it, the “mother factor” becomes a positive force that changes your life for the better.
”
Stephen Poulter defines five styles of motherhood: "perfectionist", "unpredictable", "best friend", "selfish" and "ideal".
1. Perfectionist
As a rule, she is an excessively controlling, fearful and anxious woman, for whom the main thing is the outer side of life: she needs to make an impression, maintain her image. Her children tend to criticize themselves and engage in self-discipline, they feel their failure and emotional emptiness.
If you are her child…
What are your strengths: You are most likely a very responsible person in your relationships, you can rely on everything. You appreciate perseverance and diligence, these are the most important qualities of character for you.
Emotional legacy: You always think that other people's opinions are more important than your own. You live with the feeling that the whole world is watching you and ready to judge you.
2. Unpredictable mother
Restless, irritable, overly emotional, she is unable to control her feelings, and her changeable mood determines her parenting style.
She herself creates problems and crises in her head, and then broadcasts this excited state to her children.
If you are her child…
What are your strengths: You have a strong empathy and work well with people. You are always ready to support your work colleagues, relatives and friends.
Emotional Legacy: Growing up with an ingrained need to care for people and their mental problems, you can also be overly irritable and prone to depression. You learn to read people and situations from an early age, and this helps you deal with other people's outbursts of anger or indignation.
3. Best friend
She communicates with the child as equals, unconsciously wanting to avoid responsibility for him. Instead of an adult capable of caring and protecting, the child is offered a soulmate, partner, interlocutor, but at the same time he is actually deprived of his mother. Her emotional needs are so great and all-consuming that she herself has to rely on the child to satisfy them.
If you are her child...
Your strengths: You understand the importance of boundaries between parents, children, friends and relatives. You are often aware that you are taking the lead in your relationship and assuming a responsible adult role.
Emotional heritage: You may feel neglected and neglected and fear rejection. Other feelings familiar to such a child are resentment, indignation, the feeling that he is not loved and underestimated.
4. "I am the first"
One of the most common styles of motherhood. Such a woman is not able to see a separate individuality in a child, she is self-centered and not self-confident. Her offspring from an early age are accustomed to illuminate her life and at the same time remain in the shadows.
If you are her child…
What are your strengths: You have a real talent for supporting others, you feel and understand people well in all types of relationships.
You are loyal and sympathetic, able to take other people's needs to heart and solve other people's problems.
Emotional heritage: You doubt your ability to make decisions. You find it difficult to trust your own feelings in any situation, because your mother's opinion has always been more important and meaningful to you.
5. An ideal mother
Surprisingly, such mothers exist. But they, according to Stephen Poulter's book, are very few - about 10%. The Perfect Mother combines the best features of the other four styles. She is emotionally balanced, she sees unique personalities in her children and helps them grow up to be independent people. She is imperfect, but whatever her life circumstances, she cares for children consciously and with great desire.
If you are her child…
Your strengths: Feeling the love and acceptance of your mother, you are ready for risky decisions and changes in life without fear of being misunderstood and rejected.
Emotional heritage: You are able to accept and respect other people's points of view. You are emotionally autonomous from your mother and able to cope with the challenges of an independent life.
What features in the silhouette of mothers were caught by Belstat experts
Worldwide
13.10.202014:05
Text: Yury Sizov
iStock
On the eve of Mother's Day, which has been celebrated on October 14 in Belarus for almost a quarter of a century, Belarusian statistics added their professional emotions to the beauty of the female profile. First of all, Belstat rightly began to add the adjective "hardworking" to the most ancient word on the planet "mama". After all, last year, according to the latest review of experts, among women employed in the economy of the republic, 44.9 percent had children under the age of 18. And this once again illustrates the remarkable female character, which allows loving mothers to combine work, family and raising children.
I would like to immediately clarify that, according to last year's census, a little more than five million women live in Belarus. And this is about 53.8 percent of the population of the Republic of Belarus. At the same time, the number of those who have more than one child is gradually growing among working mothers. If two years ago, sociologists state, 59 percent of Belarusian women had one child, 33.3% - two, and 7.7% - three or more, then in the past year there were already 58.5%, 33.8% and 7.7%, respectively.
As for the average age of women in the republic, in the fall of last year it was 43.1 years. At the same time, women aged 15 to 49years, there were 43.6%. And in the most active childbearing age (20-34 years) were 922.9 thousand women, or 41.8% of the number of women of reproductive age.
For the first time, 33.9 thousand women became mothers in the Republic of Belarus last year. 33.6 thousand women gave birth to a second child, 14.2 thousand women gave birth to a third child, and 5.
9 thousand women gave birth to a fourth or more child. And one more extra touch to the statistics: 1056 twins and 14 triplets were born last year.
For Belarus, as well as for many countries of the continent, experts explain, there is also a tendency to increase the average age of women at the birth of a baby. It rose from 27.3 years in 2010 to 29.6 years in 2019, and the age of women at the birth of their first child has also grown - from 24.9 to 26.8 years.
Moreover, there are more and more cases when women aged 40-44 become mothers. 2257 children were born to women of this age, which is 1.8 times more than in 2010. At the same time, more than 52 percent of the children of such mothers are third and subsequent.
Data on the leadership character of the fair sex are also of interest. Among women with children in leadership positions in 2018, 60.5% had one child, 32.4% had two, and 7.1% had three or more. In 2019-m 60.2% had one child, and 34.6% already had two.
True, only 5.
