Is it okay to ghost someone
7 Times It’s Perfectly Acceptable To Ghost Someone | Tinder
Certain offenses definitely deserve a swift cold shoulder.
Being ghosted is a pretty terrible thing to endure… for those who don’t deserve it, anyway. Those who do are another story. It’s safe to say that there are indeed certain offenses that definitely deserve a swift cold shoulder, and according to the experts we asked, those offenses are numerous. So the next time you start to see any of these red flags, feel free to start preparing to disappear in a cloud of smoke, leaving your potentially problematic counterpart on read for all eternity. Ahead, a guide to ghost-worthy scenarios, co-signed by our panel of relationship experts.
Inconsistent Or Unreliable Communication
“In the world of dating, it’s OK to ghost someone who has repeatedly shown inconsistency with communication or interest in hanging out,” says certified life coach, Tori Autumn. It’s all too common for people to lack initiative in either starting or actively continuing a conversation digitally, and that usually translates to whether or not they’re proactive in making plans to actually meet up. Autumn recommends ghosting early on in this scenario in order to conserve your own time and energy: “Resist the urge to continue a meaningless conversation.”
Disregard For Consent And/Or Personal Safety
Consent is key in all dating situations, no matter the scenario or circumstance. As is personal safety — a date or potential partner should never make you feel unsafe in any way, shape, or form. If they begin to show even the slightest threat on either front, shut it down without a word. “If someone seems aggressive in any way, be it through pressuring you, being inappropriately argumentative, or is hot-tempered and easily triggered, retreat and delete,” says personal coach and dating expert, Michelle Baxo. “Consider this an act of self-love and healthy boundaries.”
Choosing ghosting over transparency or confrontation here is a smart move for your safety. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship safety, clarifies. “Confronting an angry or abusive person may do far more harm than good. Ghosting an abusive or chronically angry person doesn’t mean you are weak; it means you are smart and strong.”
When They Just Can’t Take A Hint
“As many times as you’ve tried explaining, it’s fine to ghost someone who just doesn’t get that you’re not interested in them,” says Autumn. Manly agrees. “When a partner refuses to get the message that a relationship is over, even after repeated attempts have been made to clarify that the relationship is over, ghosting is sometimes the only logical option.”
This is a big one. Catfishing — when someone poses as someone else online — is a real problem. “If the person you’re messaging online never wants to chat on video, starts asking for money for weird reasons, or comes up with excuses on why they can’t meet up in real life, move on and ghost them,” recommends Johnny Santiago of Social Catfish, an identity verification platform. So what are some other less obvious signs to look out for? “Catfish usually upload many different images to their profile to make it seem believable, but they do it all at once,” he says. “Another sign that you may not catch on to is that they have many interests or hobbies. The average person usually lists one or two hobbies, but catfish may have an unusual amount of pastimes or hobbies, and they keep their interests broad to attract as many people as possible.”
There’s no better option here than ghosting, according to Santiago. “The more a victim talks to a catfish, the more control the catfish gets,” he says. “The most effective way to remove yourself from the situation is to cut off all communications with them; don’t open any doors for them to potentially harm you.”
Signs of Lying, Cheating or Dishonesty
“If you feel that someone is lying to you — and you see a pattern of dishonesty — ghosting can be a very smart way out,” Manly says. “If you try to have an open and honest conversation with a deceitful person, their strategies may leave you feeling as if you are the problem. Thus, ghosting may be the only safe tactic.” This is a textbook example of a form of psychological abuse known as gaslighting, which should never be brushed off or ignored.
“If you are being manipulated into doing things that don’t feel right to you, ghosting may be the move that keeps you safe,” Manly continues. “A manipulative person will generally not respond well to heart-to-heart talks about what you are experiencing; a conversation with a manipulator will often leave you more confused and second-guessing yourself. As such, ghosting a manipulator can be a very smart tactic.”
Sometimes you just can’t put your finger on why a person’s behavior is bothersome, and that’s OK. You don’t have to justify a gut feeling — trusting your instinct is key when a date makes you feel uncomfortable, and if they’ve done so, you don’t owe them an explanation as to why you’d like to end things. If someone’s entire being makes you feel uneasy, cutting things off for your own good may make more sense than saying, “You generally suck as a person.”
If You’re Feeling Used
“If someone is only messaging you when they need something, that’s a perfectly good reason to ghost them,” says Justin Lavelle, who is the Chief Communications Officer at PeopleLooker, a U. S. background check database. “If you have asked someone to stop contacting you and they refuse to respect that, ghost them.” It’s not worth your energy to dance around the fact that this person is making you feel like you’re being taken advantage of — whether it’s conscious on their part or not, nothing changes what you feel in your gut. As a preventive measure, Lavelle recommends documenting your communication: “It is smart to save screenshots before you do this so you have proof of harassment if it continues to escalate.”
Is Ghosting Ever OK? 11 People Who Support The Disappearing Act
by Carolyn Steber
As far as dating habits go, few things are more frowned up than ghosting. Whether it's ignoring someone after a few dates, or straight up disappearing mid-text, there's no denying it's rude, it's hurtful, and it's not the best way to end a relationship, however short it may have been. And yet, there are times when ghosting is OK — and may even be necessary.
Usually, if you aren't feelin' the connection, it's best to "be honest and upfront so that the person being rejected isn’t left wondering what really happened," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. If you've been chatting for a few weeks, or have taken things a bit further, simply say you've had a change of heart and wish them well.
If, however, that doesn't feel possible, ghost away. "There are times ghosting isn’t rude and some circumstances might even require ghosting for one’s safety," Bennett says. For example, "if you’ve already told the person messaging you that you’re not interested romantically, then you’re under no obligation to continue texting," he says. At that point, ghosting is about sticking to your personal boundaries, especially if they aren't taking the hint.
The same is true if the person is being inappropriate or making you feel uncomfortable. It's up to you to weigh the pros and cons, and do whatever feels right. Here, a few folks who say ghosting can sometimes be OK, including instances where it might be best to disappear.
Lily, 26: When They Cross Important Boundaries
"Generally, ghosting isn’t great because it’s avoiding emotional experience and it can be really unkind to the person you’re ghosting. Kindness and dealing with feelings are top priority in my book, but ghosting is acceptable in some situations. If the person ever [...] makes you feel violated or unsafe in any way, ghosting is the best option to keep you physically and emotionally safe. Someone who crosses those important boundaries does not deserve any explanation, courtesy, or second glance."
Johnny, 28: When They're Lying To You
"Ghosting is an OK thing to do, and it might be even a good idea in particular situations. A great example that comes to mind is if you are having suspicions that the person you're talking to online is a catfisher and is using a fake profile on their dating app or social media profile. When you notice the signs of a catfisher, like they keep coming up with excuses on why they can't get on a video chat or [they try] to move the relationship too quickly, then it might be a good idea to ghost the person and move on."
Christiana, 28: When They Send Inappropriate Content
"Insulting commentary? Inappropriate photo? Any dialogue that makes me feel unsafe? It's 2019, don't be a jerk online. Consider me likely to ghost if you are."
Jennifer, 32: When You're Getting Bad Vibes
"Although ghosting isn’t the most emotionally considerate thing to do to someone, there is an exception. Anytime you feel physically or mentally unsafe with someone, you are under no obligation to give them an explanation for not wanting to see them again. Being polite is nice, but you should always put your health and safety first and foremost. So, if you’re getting scary vibes, ghost away."
Becky, 45: When They're Being A "Zombie"
"I think it's perfectly acceptable to ghost a ghost (or 'zombie'). In other words, if someone shows signs of being flaky and inconsistent in the early stages of dating (not following through on plans, vanishing for a week and then reappearing), this should be a clear sign to move on. If someone isn't making an effort early on, it's not going to improve over time. And if someone is too busy/conflicted/distracted/uncertain to reply to a text or keep a date, do you really want to potentially 'date' someone like this? (Answer: no.)"
Korrie, 36: When The Date Was Ridiculous
"Ghosting is acceptable in certain situations, [like] if the date was ridiculous [...] Put it like this, if they do something that there's no coming back from and you're not that invested, meaning no commitment was made, it's OK to just never call or answer calls/texts again."
Corry, 27: When Words Aren't Necessary
"Although I am typically an anti-ghosting advocate [...] there are instances when words aren't necessary. Let's be honest, dating sucks and immediate turn offs, empty energy, and pure ignorance justify a read at 3:23 p.m., especially when we've dated/communicated briefly and on a surface level. In those instances, I should be able to have the autonomy to make a selfish choice (to end communication) without expectation or real worry on how it effects the person on the other end."
Dave, 44: When There's An Obvious Lack Of Interest
"Having been ghosted for years before it was a term, I have no problem with it. When someone doesn't respond to your calls, texts, or emails, it's pretty clear that they aren't interested in you. If they were interested, they'd respond."
George, 27: When It Just Makes Sense
"Ghosting is a totally fascinating concept, and although I think it will always leave a sour taste in the mouth of both parties, sometimes you just let the thought of sending that 'no thank you' message slide until it would actually become weird to not ghost that person. "
Elizabeth, 55: When You View It As A Gift
"I believe ghosting is a gift that lets us know that we can move [...] on and find people more communicative if that's what we want. Because the ghoster doesn't enjoy communicating with words, we thank the ghoster for letting us know that by ghosting us."
Cyndi, 44: When They Don't Get The Hint
"I would absolutely say yes, there are some cases where ghosting is acceptable. 1. If you have explained to them why it will not work out and they just don't get it... ghosted. 2. If you got a glimpse of who the person might be in the future and you don't like it... ghosted. [...] 3. If the first meeting didn't go so well for you, you owe the other person no explanation as to why you don't want to talk to them."
Of course, when possible, letting the other person know you aren't interested is much kinder, and saves them from having to worry or wonder. But there may be a few instances where disappearing is the best option. If you find yourself in that position, go ahead and ghost.
Can I bring someone to my hotel room? How does this happen?
Single one large bed ... hmm, there lives a small Jew 🤪🤪
Damn, have you ever been to hotels?
Estimate, there was. True, only in those where you can’t drive into a sucker)) you have to fork out for a double with a BIG bed, but what?
9000 Passports of guests are checked without fail, regardless of who the number is registered to. I don't know about guests. nine0005
Are you crazy? Double with two small beds, it is designed for two people sleeping separately, single all with a large bed
who told you such nonsense
own experience. At least in those hotels in Russia where my husband and I check in, they both ask for passports. The hotel administration must check the passport so as not to miss a foreign citizen. Foreigners need to be registered with the migration authorities within 24 hours.
you can rent a pigsty on your Altai collective farm without documents. nine0005
yes you have never been anywhere, do not lie hotels, no one checked the second passport
often girls issue a number on their passport, they never checked my passport
Most likely, we are talking about different hotels. I'm talking about decent ones.
Yes, you haven’t been now
of the hotel. on couples of cheaters,
passport required ONLY ONE
I dragged a bunch of girls around hotels, no one checked the second passport
girls often get a number on their passport, they never checked my passport
we are talking about different hotels. I'm talking about decent ones.
Where in Russia did you see twin and double rooms, the city and the name of the hotel, I’m waiting
Woman. ru experts
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Speech therapist - defectologist
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- nine0006 Maria Burlakova
If the guy stays overnight, then you need to take a double room, it doesn’t matter if it has one large bed (double) or two small ones (twin). If it is known that he will leave the room (as a rule, the requirement is by 22:00 or 23:00), then you can bring him to the room without paying. The second bed in this case (if the room is twin) should remain untouched. In large reputable hotels, it is not necessary to notify the staff, but it may be necessary to meet the guest on the ground floor, since, for example, the elevator only works with a room card. In small ones, if asked, you need to explain that the guest has come on time and will not spend the night. nineThank you. And who is tracking it? How will they remember that someone came? November 01, 2020 Directly at least 2 rooms shoot, but it's expensive.
I am infuriated by my husband with his children and grandchildren ...
The man immediately warned that all property was recorded for children9000 787 answers
such a salary I want to work
A lie 22 years long.How to destroy?
Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone? nine0337
Directly at least 2 rooms shoot, but it's expensive.
When I arrived at my MCH for the week, in which he then served, and he was released into a ridge for a day, we arrived at the hotel and at the reception we were offered a room for a couple of hours (a guy in uniform) - that was embarrassment. Only not with us, but with that chick, because I rented a room for a week with the words "actually, I plan to live with you. " And I was 19 then. Now I would generally answer this to her - "how are you with soundproofing and elastic mattresses, I came to gasp in a big way." As they say - to be afraid of wolves, in the forest do not fuck .. love.
They will understand everything. November 02, 2020 All my romantic mood will disappear if I think that someone thinks that we will have sex. nineNovember 02, 2020 Especially if you're that shy. Why the hell are you making a hookup nest? This is where in general such a thing has been seen, so that "food carries its own pan ©"? November 02, 2020 All my romantic mood will disappear if I think that someone thinks that we will have sex. nine0005
you rent a room with a double bed on your passport.
no one cares who you will spend the night with in the room
if you burn it during romantic orgies with candles, you will have to pay for the damage
Sochi or Crimea?
Was fighting with friends, not to do what to do
I inadvertently saw how my mother washes the cat's tray with dirty brush9000 9000 1 answer 9, answer 9 answer 9, answer 9 answer
How to cope with loneliness?
rent a room with a double bed on your passport. nine0125 no one cares who you will spend the night in the room with
if you burn it during romantic orgies with candles, you will have to pay for the damage
Is it possible to bring guests to the hotel?
Is it possible to the hotel …
without problems, if you paid for the room, well, maybe in Muhosransk they will rear up, in all civilized places no one will ask, even if you bring an elephant
I know a guy who is an athlete and often travels the world and stays in hotels. Usually they give him a single, but there is a second bed. And his mom's favorite thing was to come and live with him illegally and sleep in the second bed. I remember I went to them, and she and her mother were sitting side by side on the beds and chirping happily, and the guy was already 34 years old ...
is not allowed in Thailand. If you spot, then you pay as for the second person. There, however, many foreigners take removable taekas to their rooms.
This year we stayed at a hotel in Barcelona. Guests were not allowed to be invited. The hotel had such rules. nine0005
is available without payment, but not overnight. Current day. Although in some hotels even at night, if they don’t detect it)))
You know, I don’t want to hide and dig for my money, hoping that they won’t detect it. Actually, I don’t live there on bird’s rights, but for money. I paid, I can take anyone to MY room as long as it does not disturb the peace of other guests. nine0005
I know a guy who is an athlete and often travels the world and stays in hotels. Usually they give him a single, but there is a second bed. And his mom's favorite thing was to come and live with him illegally and sleep in the second bed. I remember I went to them, and she and her mother were sitting side by side on the beds and chirping happily, and the guy was already 34 years old. ..0005
You are not allowed to bring guests in Thailand. If you spot, then you pay as for the second person. There, however, many foreigners take removable taekas to their rooms.
is available without payment, but not for the night. Current day. Although some hotels even at night, if they don't spot it)))
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