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My child doesn t listen


My Child Doesn't Listen! ADHD / ADD Behavior Fixes for Kids

At your wit’s end because your child doesn’t listen? To rein in rebellious, impulsive children without creating a power struggle or driving themselves crazy, parents must be patient, persistent, and creative in responding to resistance — ADHD discipline is not for the faint of heart.

Here are five common discipline problems faced by parents of children with ADHD — and solutions for each of them.

1. “My child absolutely refuses to do as he is told.”

Sometimes parents and kids get into a pattern in which daily tasks (doing homework or getting ready for bed) provoke battles. In most cases, the child eventually complies, but the conflict leaves everyone upset.

The best long-term solution? Setting up routines. For example, parents must establish and enforce — calmly but firmly — regular study times for each child.

It may take weeks, or even months, until the child with ADHD accepts these routines and follows them consistently. No matter how long it takes, don’t give up. And don’t let yourself be drawn into needless conflict with your child. When tempers flare, the parent must remain calm and maintain control of the situation.

[Free Parent Resource: ADHD Discipline Strategies]

2. “My kid doesn’t care about consequences.”

Whether it’s withholding TV privileges, or refusing to let your child attend a party, consequences are most effective when they’re imposed as soon as possible after an infraction. If you delay the imposition of consequences, you’re blunting their emotional impact.

Sometimes consequences that were once effective stop being effective after they’ve been used for a while. As with many other things involving ADHD, repetition leads to boredom. Devise a variety of consequences and vary them from time to time.

Consequences should have time limits: long enough to teach a lesson but short enough to give the child a chance to move on to more positive things. The punishment should fit the crime. Overly harsh consequences will encourage your child to resent your rules and your authority — and will generate more anger and rebelliousness.

3. “I can’t believe anything my child tells me.”

All children lie sometimes. The lying may be mild (“No, I didn’t take my sister’s CD”) or it could be a cover-up for chronic problems (“No, the teacher didn’t give us any homework today”). Lying is especially worrisome when it involves issues of health and safety (“Empty beer cans in the basement? What empty beer cans?”).

[Read: The Truth About Your Child’s Lying]

For children with ADHD, lying is often a coping mechanism, albeit a counterproductive one. A lie may be a way to cover up forgetfulness, to avoid criticism or punishment, or to avoid dealing with feelings of guilt and shame over repeated failures.

The first step in dealing with chronic dishonesty is to find the reasons that underlie it. If your child lies to avoid consequences for irresponsible behavior, for example, you must monitor those behaviors more closely and discipline any act of deception. If he lies in order to cover up failure and shame, encourage your child to be honest — and reassure him that mistakes are learning opportunities, not reflections of his character or abilities. Many children (and adults) with ADHD suffer from debilitating shame because they wrongfully feel they should be able to control and correct symptoms associated with ADHD through sheer determination; remind your child that ADHD is a neurological condition and that you’re working together to manage it.

4. “My child doesn’t take me seriously.”

Why doesn’t your child show respect for you or your rules? Are the rules clear to the child? Important rules should be put in writing.

Does the child not accept the rules because she considers them unfair? If your child did not participate in the creation and definition of the rules, that is a problem. Without securing their buy-in at the outset, you cannot expect full participation from your child. In this case, the rules need a new round of collaborative, open discussion.

If you want your child to respect the rules, enforce them consistently. That means not “forgetting about” the rules or occasionally suspending them because you feel guilty or because your child (or spouse) pressures you to do so. If you bluff or make empty threats, you’re sacrificing your credibility and weakening your authority as a parent.

5. “My child overreacts to nearly everything.”

Heightened emotionality is a characteristic of ADHD. For kids with attention deficit disorder, failure doesn’t merely discourage, it devastates. While most children protest a bit about being disciplined, kids with ADHD often react with intense indignation and anger. This may be a sign they are experiencing the common ADHD symptom of rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes real (and perceived) criticism cut like a knife.

Keep in mind that it is rarely healthy or productive to discipline a child in the throes of an amygdala hijack. Wait for the storm of emotions to pass before calmly, kindly addressing a problem with your child. She will be able to hear you more clearly and will feel less defensive and personally attacked once she’s had a chance to settle down.

Also keep in mind that chronic overreaction to discipline — particularly when intense feelings of anger or frustration are involved — may not be due to ADHD alone. Is the child overreacting because she feels criticized? Unloved? Inadequate? Helpless? Overwhelmed? Are your expectations too high?

6. “My kid won’t listen to me!”

Is there a parent anywhere who has not tried to have a serious conversation with a child — only to be met with indifference (“Who are you and why are you bothering me with this stuff?”)? If such a conversation involves discipline, your message isn’t getting through.

If your child tunes you out on a regular basis, do a self-check. Have you become too negative or critical? Do you focus too much on problems and not enough on solutions? Have your conversations become lectures, instead of give-and-take? Does the child feel left out of the decision-making process?

No matter what your child’s age, you can involve him in the process of establishing rules and consequences for breaking them. A child who is included in setting the family rules is more likely to respect them.

[Free Resource: Your Free 13-Step Guide to Raising a Child with ADHD]

Peter Jaksa, Ph.D., is a member of the ADDitude ADHD Medical Review Panel.

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How to Help a Child Listen

There are many reasons your child may be struggling to listen — and many ways that you can help them become a better listener.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged by all parents: Sometimes, your child doesn’t (or won’t) listen to you.

While these moments can be frustrating, there’s likely a good reason why your child struggles to listen. They may be overwhelmed by what you’re telling them to do. Or maybe they’re doing it to get a reaction.

Difficulty listening to or following directions can also be a symptom of a mental health disorder, such as attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD).

No matter the cause, there are many ways to actively help your child improve their listening skills.

There are several reasons your kid may not be listening.

They want to assert themselves

Being a child means exploring the world and your identity in it. As they navigate the ins and outs of growing up, they may start to push boundaries as they develop a sense of self.

Your child may be trying to assert power or control, which is something children have very little of. Your child may also be trying to get a reaction from you. It’s important to show them that not listening affects them more than it does you.

Something else has their attention

Your child may not be listening to you simply because they’re focused on something else. This could be:

  • homework
  • watching TV
  • participating in their favorite activity
  • engaging with friends

It’s important not to assume that their attention can be easily divided when they’re “in the zone” doing something else.

They feel criticized

People of all ages often don’t respond well to criticism or negativity. Your child is more likely to tune you out if they feel judged or that they did something bad or wrong. Children may also have a hard time listening if they feel unheard or if their feelings have been minimized or invalidated.

You’re saying too much

Sometimes, your child may “tune you out” simply because you’re throwing too much at them at once, which can be overwhelming.

Rather than try to process several demands or expectations, or multiple pieces of information, they may choose to seem like they’re not listening at all.

It may be helpful to keep your requests short and specific to help your child better understand what you’re asking of them.

Kids may not have the same responsibilities as adults, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a lot on their plates. When a parent asks too much of a child at once, they may become overwhelmed and shut down.

Your words and actions don’t match

If you say one thing but do another, your child may not feel like they need to listen to you. A common one is enforcing consequences, like taking away access to video games, but giving them back when a child has a big reaction to having them taken away.

It’s essential to follow through on consequences to show your child that listening matters.

There may be a physical barrier

It’s possible that while your child wants to listen to you, they physically can’t. This could result from hearing loss, wax buildup affecting hearing, or even an auditory processing disorder.

If you suspect your child can’t hear properly, consider making an appointment with a pediatrician to evaluate their hearing.

They may listen differently as they age

You might also notice changes in your child’s listening behavior as they age. For example, they may make less eye contact or give you less verbal cues that they are listening as they grow up.

Young children are still learning about their world and what boundaries may be in place. It may be helpful to model positive habits and reinforce what behaviors are or are not appropriate or acceptable.

Older children and teens are at a stage where they’re learning to establish their sense of independence. You may find it more challenging to get them to listen as they develop their decision-making skills.

Teenagers also face high levels of stress from school, social interactions, and extracurricular activities, which can make them distractible and thus can cause struggles with listening.

They may have a mental health condition

For some children, difficulty listening is a symptom of a mental health condition, like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that can make it difficult to pay attention.

It often develops in childhood, affecting roughly 2% to 7% of all kids.

In addition to experiencing difficulty listening, children with ADHD may:

  • have a short attention span
  • have difficulty sitting still or fidget
  • be easily distracted
  • lose or forget things
  • talk a lot
  • engage in risky behaviors
  • interrupt others
  • have trouble following directions

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), other mental health conditions that can affect your child’s ability to listen include:

  • depression
  • anxiety
  • obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Tourette syndrome
  • oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
  • post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

There are several strategies you may consider trying to help your child become a better listener:

  • Be specific. Setting lofty expectations or asking for too much at once can be confusing. Instead, it may be more helpful to be concise and specific when asking your child for something. Try using simple wording and asking for one thing at a time.
  • Mirror habits. Your children are always watching you, and their actions are often a reflection of your own. If you don’t listen, they may not either. By actively choosing positive behaviors, you may find that your child engages in actions that mirror yours.
  • Be patient. Developing listening skills takes time. It’s a good idea to consider the importance of being patient with your child as they learn what is and isn’t appropriate. Try showing them that it’s okay if they stumble. Encouraging them to continue working toward improving their listening abilities, rather than getting impatient or upset with them, may also be helpful.
  • Stay calm. Try to avoid getting worked up when your child doesn’t listen. Getting upset, angry, or yelling at your child may cause them to potentially repeat the behavior. Many kids may feel criticized when yelled at, leading them to shut down and stop engaging.
  • Praise good behaviors. Consider providing positive reinforcement when your child does what you tell them. This may make them want to repeat the good behavior. On the flip side, it’s important to provide encouragement when they struggle, rather than give them negative feedback. When they see their efforts being cheered on, they’ll want to continue working toward success.
  • Listen to them. When a child feels like you don’t listen to them, they can sometimes respond by not wanting to listen to you.

Building a positive relationship between you and your child can also help them listen better. This can involve establishing an open dialogue and creating mutual respect by really taking in what they have to say.

When a child feels supported by their parents and their voice and actions matter, they’ll make sure that they do their part to maintain the dynamic — including engaging in positive listening behaviors.

Some children may may have a harder time with this than others, and extra effort may be needed to guide them toward improved listening habits.

In these cases, you may want to consider seeking the support of a mental health professional, such as a family counselor or psychotherapist, to uncover what may be causing your child’s challenges with listening.

Some parents may turn to punishment when other approaches aren’t working, including all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children. However, 2018 research suggests that this approach may reinforce negative behaviors rather than stop them.

Unlike punishment, where a child may be yelled at, grounded, or reprimanded for not listening, positive discipline may involve guiding your child toward better listening behaviors.

This may help them develop responsible and respectful habits that can help them not only with their listening skills but with other aspects of their development.

Common positive discipline strategies include:

Positive reinforcements

Consider taking time to praise good listening behavior rather than signaling out when they’re not listening. This can help your child become a better listener, and can look like:

  • naming that you like the way your child is listening
  • giving a hug or high-five
  • doing something your child enjoys

Young children, in particular, respond well to this approach.

Some 2020 research suggests that positive reinforcement supports young children’s use of appropriate behaviors and skills.

Redirection

Poor behavior is often a result of boredom, defiance, or simply not understanding how to respond appropriately.

Redirection can be a tool for steering these negative behaviors toward positive ones.

Some examples might be verbal redirection, such as telling a child to stop a specific behavior and explaining what acceptable behavior looks like, and physical redirection, like adding gentle touch.

One-word reminders

Too many words can distract some children, making it hard to follow directions.

Instead, you may find it more beneficial to use single-word reminders to reinforce what you’re asking of your child.

Set specific expectations

Much like one-word reminders, specificity is key when coping with a child who doesn’t listen.

You may find it helpful to provide specific and direct expectations to prevent miscommunication. This is an especially important approach for teens, who often need clear boundaries and expectations.

Provide encouragement

Praising strong listening skills is essential, but so is encouraging your child’s efforts — even when they may fall short.

It can take time to hone good listening skills, and cheering your child on as they make progress can help them want to become a better listener, rather than giving up.

There are many reasons your kid may not be listening to you. Maybe their focus is elsewhere or they’re trying to get a rise out of you. They could also be overwhelmed and not understand what you’re asking of them.

Understanding why they’re struggling to listen may help you guide them toward more positive listening behaviors.

To help your child become a better listener you may find it helpful to be specific in your requests, model positive behaviors, and provide praise and encouragement.

You might also consider seeking support from a professional, such as a counselor or therapist.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember: Being a kid is hard. They’re still learning who they are, both within themselves and in the world.

It’s a good idea to have patience with your child and give yourself grace as you help them navigate the journey of growing up.

What to do if a child does not obey his parents

Komsomolskaya Pravda

Dom. FamilyMom and babyMom and baby: Education and development

Natalia ANDREASSEN

November 16, 2018 2:04

Ways that allow you to get your child to listen to you without threats and shouting

Does the child seem not to hear you? Maybe you just don't know how to talk to him. Photo: photo bank Lori

You've already jumped out of your skin, and your dear child still doesn't want to sit down for lessons, eat porridge or put away toys. There is no strength to persuasion, grabbing a belt or yelling is non-pedagogical ... How to make a child obey you? Advice is given by our expert - family and child psychologist, mother of three children Regina BESEDA .

1. Stop and think

- Before you make any movements towards the child, pause and think: what exactly do you not like right now? Turn emotions into words, clearly formulate a thought before starting a conversation.

- And if you still shout?

- When we speak in raised tones, information rarely reaches the addressee. There is such an expression in psychology - "ears are turned off." And vice versa, the protection system turns on: the child begins to resist or pretend that he does not hear us at all. nine0004

2. Talk eye to eye

- You want your child to see your face. Clearly, with calm articulation, say what you want from him.

- Isn't it possible to talk without looking up, for example, from the stove?

- Everyone appreciates attention. If we adults talk with our backs to each other, that would be disrespectful, wouldn't it? Likewise, when you turn to a child, you show: yes, I have time for you. Then the child will not miss your requests and comments. nine0004

3. Do without "can't"

- We often use these words: "Don't do it! It is forbidden!" But there is a simple exercise for parents. Close your eyes right now and imagine an elephant. See? Now imagine the “not” particle. How she looks like? Letters? But before you is a child who cannot read. And does not know any letters! He thinks in pictures. Therefore, when we say "elephant", the child sees an elephant. And when we say "don't do ..." - the child omits the particle "not" and hears everything else. "Don't scream," he screams. "Don't run" - he runs. nine0004

What to do? Instead of "can't" say "can", explaining what needs to be done in a particular situation. For example, your child ran across the street. Do not shout “no!”, but say: “You can only cross with your mother. ” The child will remember this wording and will do so.

- And if he still does not respond?

- Alas, most often adults talk to a child either with orders (“Hush! Get up! Done!”) or with excessively frequent requests (“Speak more quietly, please”). But after all, you can respond to a request in different ways. And the child has the right to refuse to comply with it. If we ask the baby for something in a conflict situation, it should definitely not be a request. But it is not an order either - a rigid form of communication that violates personal boundaries. nine0004

- What to choose?

- Instructions. Instead of "do not run up the stairs - you will fall" we say "they walk calmly up the stairs." And the child will automatically do it. If you repeat the threat “you will fall on the stairs”, the child will fix this and will certainly fall ...

Psychologist Regina Beseda is a mother of three children herself. Photo: vk.com

in a fit of anger, the parents say to the child: “Vasya, finally put your toys away!” - starting with a name. Forget about this form! Why? Because a person should treat his name not as a punishment, but as an encouragement. Address somehow differently: "Baby, it's time to put away the toys, they want to go to the house." nine0004

But if you want to praise, use the name: “Yes, Vasya, you did a great job, you did it!” And fix your attention on this, finishing the discussion of the problem. And don't say: "Do you remember, you were afraid..."

5. Prohibition on blackmail

- Many people like phrases like "if you don't bring me slippers, I'll be offended by you." But such phrases indicate that we do not love our child with unconditional love. And if we do not want our children to blackmail us in this way when they grow up (“if you don’t buy a new phone, I’ll leave home”), don’t set a bad example. nine0004

IMPORTANT!

When to punish...

Up to 2 years punishments are generally inappropriate. At this age, the child does everything that the adult tells him. It is enough to slightly change the intonation - and the baby will understand that he did something wrong.

If up to 2 years the period is lived quietly, then, as a rule, parents do not encounter either aggression or tantrums of the child. And if this happens, it means that he either starts to get sick, or has not had enough sleep. nine0004

From 2 to 3 years old - the age when the child just shakes the law. The main thing here is the wisdom of parents: we monitor our speech speed, intonation - and the child will do what you ask him to do. There will be nothing to punish.

From 3 to 5 years - at this age it's time to teach your baby to live by the rules. If you indulge a child in everything, he will grow up to be an egoist. Therefore, he must have some responsibilities. Say, put on your own boots. It's important that things work out. Therefore, let the shoes be not with laces, but with Velcro. nine0004

From 5 to 8 years - if the relationship with a child at this age is in crisis, you need to contact a psychologist, because he has already formed traditions and habits. And we need to understand where they came from.

...and encourage?

! A purchase cannot be an incentive. In order for a child to develop normally, feeling needed and loved, he must be stroked and caressed at least 8 times a day. But we can’t buy 8 cars or dolls a day! And remember: when a child has everything, he stops dreaming. nine0004

! Encouragement should be intellectual, reinforcing the child’s self-confidence: “What a good fellow, that you came up with this, how great you did it!”

! Your attention, which the child appreciates more than gifts, will also be a form of encouragement. Say, for half an hour a day, you and your child read, lie on the floor on pillows, or walk. Or are you talking: how do dolls live? Or how are things in the garage? Maybe the cars should be taken to the car wash - to the bathroom? And the child will be grateful for such high-quality communication. nine0004

USEFUL EXERCISE

We train and switch attention

Is the child distracted? You have to train your attention. For example, an adult offers a game on the street: name everything yellow that you see around. And the child learns to focus only on yellow: a car, a passer-by's clothes, leaves... Such training also helps in conflict situations. When we say, for example: let's see which eye you have more tears - from the right or from the left? The child switches: is it true, from which one? And now he doesn't cry anymore. nine0004

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Why does the child not listen to me and does not hear? – Teacher's newspaper

The idea that a child should obey me seems to me as absurd as the idea of ​​obedience by an elderly person. Why should a person listen to me? I don't listen to anyone.

Two main mistakes

A child is a person
The first mistake is that parents perceive their children as children. And they are not children, they are people. Every child rightly perceives himself as a person. In the word "child" there is an indication of inferiority: a child is, as it were, a subhuman. This is especially evident in the legal synonym for the concept of "child" - "minor". nine0158 There are two extremes. One was characteristic of past centuries: the attitude to the child as to an adult. It used to be that a child is an adult, only temporarily small in size. In our time, there is another extreme: treating children as aliens who are completely different from adults. Child psychology, pediatrics, juvenile justice... Children today are more isolated from society than in primitive tribes before initiation.
The truth, as always, is in the middle. The child has quite definite physiological differences from adults at different ages, with all the ensuing legal, medical and economic consequences. But in the space of human relations, age-related physiology essentially does not change anything, but gives relations only a small specificity. Talking to a five-year-old and a fifty-year-old person usually has to be done in different ways. But, in essence, in both cases, I just communicate with the person. And sometimes a conversation with a five-year-old is more interesting than with a fifty-year-old person. nine0004

The child is not property
The second mistake is that parents perceive their children as their own. They say: "My child." My property. “Why is my child not listening to me?” Because he is not a child and certainly not yours. This is a man. This is another person, separate from you, a stranger to you.
One must treat one's children simply as neighbors. You need to try to be as scrupulous, tactful and delicate as in dealing with unfamiliar people. nine0004

Obedience is ineffective
And one more important point. Obedience has been both the goal and the means of education for thousands of years. But over the past hundred years, human society and upbringing have changed dramatically along with it. Today, the purpose of education is self-determination and self-realization of the child.
Portrait of a graduate of a basic school from the Federal State Educational Standard: loving, knowing, respecting, aware, accepting, knowing, able, capable, active, oriented, understanding. And not a word about obedience. The modern child should not be obedient. The world is changing so rapidly these days that obedience is no longer an adaptive strategy. nine0158 The child does not obey you, because he is a modern person separate from you.

Understand to be understood

Stephen Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People describes the fifth habit with the words: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Inefficient people strive first to be understood, and then they start yelling and indignant that no one perceives their smart words.
One story from my practice illustrates the importance and effectiveness of this skill. nine0004

What did you say to her?!
I worked in a social shelter for minors as a teacher-psychologist. Once I was called by the deputy director for educational and rehabilitation work and described the situation. A 17-year-old girl who does not want to live with her father and wants to go to an orphanage has been in the primary admission department for a week now. There are no grounds for deprivation of parental rights, so it is better for the child to return home as soon as possible and improve relations with his father. During the week, the girl was explained the expediency of returning home many times, by all employees, including the deputy director. But the child stood his ground: “I will live in an orphanage. I will not return home." She didn't listen to anyone. I was given the task of convincing the girl to return home. nine0158 I invited the child to the office and for two hours I tried to understand: “What conditions do you live in? Why don't you want to live with your father? What are your plans for life? I had only one goal - to understand. I listened and asked. At the first meeting, I never tried to be understood, did not give a single piece of advice, did not reproach the child for anything, did not evaluate her decisions and actions. Just listen and understand. And I understood.
The next day, an employee of the department where the girl was staying asked about the progress with this pupil. I replied that the child would go to an orphanage. My colleague flared up:
– What the hell is an orphanage?! She is 17 years old, Kirill Evgenievich!
I applied the same fifth habit of highly effective people to a colleague: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.” I heard and understood.
Then he invited the child into the office again and said:
– I have bad news for you: you will not go to the orphanage under any circumstances.
- Why?
- Because you are 17 years old. In nine months you will be 18, you will be an adult. Children live in orphanages until the age of 18. The procedure for deprivation of parental rights lasts 6-12 months. Usually, the guardianship authority waits for information from our shelter for a couple of months. If we cannot settle the matter, then they begin to understand the situation themselves and for a couple of months prepare an application and documents to the court for deprivation of parental rights. The court considers the case for about 3-6 months. Further, the Ministry of Social Policy can issue a ticket to an orphanage for 1-2 months. Because after 9months you will become an adult, no one will even begin this procedure. Moreover, there are no grounds for deprivation of parental rights in the terms of Article 69 of the Family Code.
- What should I do?
- Let's think. There are several options, each with its own consequences, its pros and cons. The first is to stay here, and when you turn 18, we will put you on the street. Second: to return home and improve relations with his father, endure. Third: return home, enter a technical school with a hostel and move there. Fourth: return home and move to live with relatives. What you choose? What solution do you think is the best? nine0158 - First you need to return home.
– Yes, I also think that staying here is the worst option. Here is a pen and paper. Write an application addressed to the director of the shelter with a request to return home.
The next day, the father came and took his daughter.
My colleagues for a week could not achieve anything, the child did not listen to them. It took me only one day and two meetings with the child for him to hear me.
The deputy director, seeing the statement from the child, asked:
- Kirill Evgenievich, what did you tell her? nine0158 - I said that under no circumstances would she end up in an orphanage.
On the face of my leader I saw bewilderment and distrust, expressing: "For a whole week everyone was just saying this to her."

The main thing is trust
It's not about what I told her. And not in the way I said. The thing is, I did it before. Before that, I listened.
First seek to understand, then to be understood. It's in that order. If you change the order, then the scheme stops working. If you want to be understood and heard, shut up and listen. nine0158 The child listened to me, asked questions and asked for advice. Because before that I listened to the child, asked questions and was interested in his opinion. The right to be heard must be earned.
The scheme is simple: first strive to understand, then to be understood; listen first, then speak. The technique is also simple. There are many books that teach how to listen, how to ask questions, how to speak, how to persuade.
But technology by itself does not work. The main contribution we make to any relationship is not our words or even our actions. The main contribution is our essence. Sincere interest in another person, empathy, patience, wisdom - these are not techniques, these are personality traits. nine0158 The use of techniques without a sincere desire to help a neighbor is perceived by the interlocutor as manipulation, duplicity. This evokes a defensive reaction, not trust.
To influence a person, you need to earn trust. To earn a person's trust, you need to be open to his influence. To open up to the influence of another person, one needs the integrity of the individual, confidence in the correctness of one's worldview, the strength and courage to change one's worldview under the influence of the interlocutor.
Openness to other people's influence makes us vulnerable. But this is the only way to influence others. nine0158 One of the pillars of education is a personal example. I am open to the influence of the child. In response, the child follows my example: opens to my influence.
Do you hear your child? If you do not listen and do not hear, then how will he learn this?

How to gain respect?
We usually hardly hear or listen to anyone. But there are a select few for whom we make an exception. They say about such people: "They listen to this person." This is how authoritative people are characterized, respected by those who listen to them. nine0158 To be listened to, we need to gain respect.
Many parents believe that respect from their children is given by default. Teachers and adults in general often think the same way. Children have a different opinion. There is a great 2006 film directed by Richard La Gravenese about the Freedom Writers school. This film shows the true story of American teacher Erin Gruwell. One of the students said to her:
“Why should I respect you? Because you are my teacher? I do not know you. How do I know you're not lying? How do I know that you are a good person? I'm not going to respect you just because you're called a teacher." nine0158 The very question "Why can't the child hear me?" implies that the child should hear by default. If the parent thought differently, then he would formulate the question differently: “What do I need to do to win respect? What kind of person do I have to be for a child to listen to me?
To begin with, you need to set the following goal: to become an authority in the eyes of the child.

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