Is he selfish or am i needy
Beware! 15 Top Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
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As humans, it goes without saying that we are selfish to a certain extent, but if you feel like your boyfriend is always putting himself first and doesn’t care about anyone but himself then you are dating one very selfish man. From the beginning of the relationship, there will be many signs that he is selfish. Along with that, he could be unappreciative, mean and stingy, and as your relationship matures and strengthens, you will realize some other bad qualities about him too.
Being in a relationship is hard work. It involves both partners making an equal effort to be there for each other. Promises and compromises are crucial in a relationship and someone that is not willing to live up to their promises or refuses to compromise even a little bit, will not keep you happy in the long run. When you are selecting a life partner you must ensure that they will stand by you through thick or thin and be willing to protect you and stand up for you.
You need someone who will take time out of their own personal life for you and be willing to meet you halfway when disagreements occur or interests clash.
The biggest problem men have is their big ego in their small minds. The bigger the ego, the more selfish and self-centered a man is.
What Makes Boyfriends So Selfish?
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Selfishness arises when a person does not feel responsible for anyone else’s happiness or does not feel concerned for those around them. Selfishness is also common amongst those who are not held accountable by the people in their lives. For example, if relatives and friends put up with insensitive and selfish behavior and do not speak up, chances are it will continue.
A very common trait amongst selfish people is that they put themselves above others. Your boyfriend was probably showing signs of being an extremely selfish person all along, but you probably did not realize it until you got to know him much better.
So what are some of the reasons that could have led to your boyfriend becoming selfish? Here are some characteristics of a selfish boyfriend:
- Everything has to come easy to him. He has always got his way and continues to do so
- He is not willing to compromise because he has not been taught how to adjust and lacks the emotional intelligence to do so
- He fears that his relationship will sabotage his personal life of fun and freedom
- He is a man child and is dependent on others even for the smallest tasks
- Doesn’t want his partner to become superior to him whether it is professionally or socially
The biggest problem amongst men is their huge egos. Often, but not always, selfishness may be a product of their ego.
Sometimes, men are just lazy and prefer to let others handle tasks. This does not always indicate that he has traits of a selfish man, but simply that he needs to be motivated and encouraged to help out around the house or with family.
Dealing with a lazy partner? We know how annoying that can be.
So if after reading the above characteristics you did think to yourself, “That’s so true. I think my boyfriend is selfish too”, then let’s dive a little deeper. Before you jump to any massive conclusions, let us see the top 15 signs of a selfish boyfriend that could be making your relationship toxic.
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Related Reading: How To Deal With The All-controlling Indian Partners
15 Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
Being with a selfish boyfriend is extremely frustrating and makes you question whether you should be in this relationship at all. Your boyfriend couldn’t care less about you while you can’t stop caring about him. Not only do selfish boyfriends not want to contribute anything in a relationship, but they are also inconsiderate of the efforts you put in every day to make it work.
Being perpetually ungrateful is one of the traits of a selfish man.
A selfish boyfriend is unappreciative, mean and can be stingy too. Look out for these selfish boyfriend signs to understand whether you still want to be in a relationship where you are the only one trying to make it work.
1. He will always talk about himself
People that are selfish are obsessed with themselves. You will notice that no matter what the situation is, your conversations will always be about him. All he cares about is his feelings and his image even when you are going through tough times. He might make it seem like he is interested in your life, but it will be easy for you to see through his fake concern.
He won’t be attentive when you are talking and will not offer you any solutions or try to help you unless it benefits him. In reality, he is just warming you up so that you sit and listen to his on-going stories without complaint. Remember when he started by saying, “Honey, how was your day?” and interrupted you after a few minutes and didn’t stop talking about his office colleagues or his incredible presentation? He wanted to hear you (halfheartedly) only so that he could be heard.
This is a classic sign of a selfish boyfriend. He will tell you every tiny detail about his life. From the exotic cheesecake he had at a bakery that day to the trip he is planning to Peru. From the Merc that he is planning to buy to his expensive sunglasses he can’t do without. You have to listen to every tiny detail.
Have you noticed his eyes that indicate he is getting bored when you do the talking? This is one of the major signs of being selfish.
2. He controls everything you do
Whenever you guys make a collective decision, you will notice that he has the last say and his opinions will always be right. You are the other half of the relationship and should have an equal say in whatever decision is made. Your opinion should matter to him. This can be reflected in small matters as well. Let’s say you want to eat Italian and he wants to eat Chinese, if you are dating a selfish boyfriend then you will end up going to a Chinese restaurant. This will happen repeatedly and your preference will never be considered.
Emily Krysinski had been dating Brian Hendricks for a year or so. She started noticing how he had grown distant from her and barely took her opinion in any of their decision making anymore. She said, “Why are men so selfish? I’m tired of it. My last boyfriend was the same way too. From which side of the bed we sleep on to which gatorade we bring into our house to whether we need a new TV or not — Brian always has the final say.”
Think about this. When was the last time you went to a restaurant of your choice or did something you like? Does he even know what cuisines you like? I guess not, because he tells you what to do and you give in because you do not feel like these trivial things are worth fighting over. Your life cannot revolve around your boyfriend’s choices. He is insensitive to your needs. He controls your life and has made you his puppet. He is inconsiderate towards you. He is a mean boyfriend. If you liked that red dress in a shop window he would instantly say how awful it would look on you.
You will soon forget your real identity if you haven’t already.
3. He is incredibly defensive
Whenever you question him or confront him, he will always get defensive and will somehow make it your fault. He will do anything to protect his flaws, even if it means highlighting yours. He will never accept his fault and will find ways to make you feel guilty. He thinks he is perfect and will not take criticism well. He is mean and inconsiderate and thinks that it’s perfectly okay to be that way.
We know of a woman who confronted her boyfriend after he cancelled on her last minute, because he made plans with his friends. She told him that he did this frequently while she took time out for him. She went on to say did not appreciate his flaky behavior. He immediately told her she was being a clingy girlfriend and said he felt suffocated in their relationship. He failed to acknowledge his error and rather, made her question her self-worth.
4. He is selfish in bed too
Consider the following scenario.
He takes you out on a date and you two have an absolutely splendid time. Your boyfriend is feeling all romantic and wants to have sex with you. You tell him how you’d just like to cuddle instead or are not in the mood, but he keeps on insisting, putting his hand under your shirt. He starts getting annoyed when you try to convince him that you are not in the mood. But in the end, you have to give in to his urges.
He will just satisfy himself, leaving you sore, irritated and brimming with sexual frustration. This is the most inconsiderate thing to do and he will not even realize it. Once he is done, he will fall asleep within seconds. He has made it clear that your needs do not matter to him. Not only is he a selfish boyfriend, but he is also a selfish lover too. And going the extra way to get sex toys is out of the question.
You keep tolerating this, thinking he could change, but it is unlikely that he will. So don’t expect any kind of satisfaction when you are in bed with him.
It’s always going to go the way that he wants it to.
Related Reading: Is Your Man With You Just For Sex? 20 Signs To Watch Out!
5. He will never compromise
He sees the world from his point of view and thus others must adjust to the world that he has created in his mind. He will never apologize, even if he is in the wrong. This also means he will never compromise or meet you halfway. When you suggest solutions that will satisfy both your needs to some extent, he will get angry because he wants everything to be done his way.
Tracy Hall, a nurse, had been going out with Norman Smith, a significantly older gentleman who she met at the hospital. Because of their age-gap in relationship, the two had a lot of tussles. Norman saw things his own way and expected Tracy to simply comply with everything he wanted. Tracy said, “My boyfriend is stingy and selfish and it’s starting to get on my nerves. He’s possessive, intrusive and just never lets me do what I want!”
Compromising makes him feel like he is losing control and he cannot tolerate this.
He will always be the decision-maker in your relationship and you will be the one doing all the compromising.
6. Being insecure is one of the traits of a selfish man
People feel insecure when they see something or someone as a threat. His insecurities relate to the fact that someone else might take his position or he may lose control in your life or in social settings. He always wants to feel like he is the center of attention and will not be able to tolerate it if he feels like he is not the most important person in your life.
The fear of being replaced by someone else could be haunting him and making him act irrational. Moreover, if he is insecure about something you do or some decision you make, then it is because he fears that it might cause harm to something that benefits him or is important to him. This could make him even more insecure and turn him into a possessive control freak.
7. He never surprises you
So you are being a nice girlfriend, surprising him with gifts and planning wonderful dates and trying everything he desires in bed.
You never mind going the extra mile to make him happy. But does he do that for you? If he is a selfish boyfriend then the answer is probably no. He will never go out of his way to please you or plan any romantic gestures. He will never get you those roses or that perfume, that you wished for. It is quite likely that he will not acknowledge or appreciate the things you do for him and takes you for granted.
On confrontation, he will say he treats you like a Queen, only that no one else can see it. He is a stingy boyfriend and that’s why he would never spend a penny to surprise you with a gift or take you out on a surprise date.
8. He has very few real friends
His behavior even irritates his friends and some have given up on him. His self-centered behavior could turn people off and you will notice that he has very few close friends. He may be social and charming and may have a thriving social life but he will have next to no best friends.
People complain about him to you, but instead of apologizing, he insults them even more.
He only likes friends that will praise him and will most likely be hanging out with people that suck up to him. If anyone offers him feedback or points out his flaws, he will be quick to discard them.
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband
9. It’s always ‘Me’ over ‘We’
Self-love and self-obsession are different things. Self-obsessed, selfish people are only concerned about one person, themselves. Everyone thinks about their own needs and this is natural but when people have no concern for others and only care about their own wants and desires, it is not healthy.
What is the point of being in a relationship if you both of you are not in this together? Your boyfriend is unappreciative and mean and will never take decisions that will benefit you as a couple. Kayla Goodman, a gymnast, tells us, “Why are men so selfish to the point that they completely lose sight of another actual person also being in this relationship? My boyfriend would literally pick playing video games to meeting my mother for dinner.
It’s always about him and what he wants.”
10. He is disconnected from the real world
He is in his own world and is too busy with his own thoughts, interests and hobbies to be aware of those around him. Unless he needs something from you, his friends or his family members, he will be lazily occupied in his own fantasies. Even if he doesn’t have anything to do, he will not go out of his way to make any plans with you or pull off any romantic gestures, because he expects you to work out the details and keep him entertained.
A selfish boyfriend is sometimes hugely into gaming or can simply spend hours on the couch watching Netflix. They are happy with themselves.
11. You don’t have a life anymore
By revolving your time around his whims and fancies, you realize that your life has changed drastically. Everything you do is to please him. You have lost your real self. When was the last time you did something for yourself and it made your boyfriend happy? This shows how mean and selfish he can be with you.
You might have even lost contact with most of your friends, because most of your social gatherings include spending time with friends and colleagues that are his. Are you happy with the place you have in his world? This is a sign that you have a selfish boyfriend and he doesn’t care for what you like at all.
12. He is never there for you
He will always have excuses when you need him the most but at the same time, he will always expect you to be there in his times of distress. You are his emotional support, but he is never there for you. If you try to unload your feelings on to him, he will ignore you and try to end the conversation as soon as possible by saying how rough his day was or how tired he is today.
He will escape listening to you, he is the most unsupportive spouse himself but when he needs to unload his emotional stuff, you have to offer him all that you can without any buts.
Ginger Fraiser, a high school teacher, has been married to Walter Fraiser for sixteen years.
She says, “I’ll never be able to answer why men are so selfish. All I know is that they are. Every time I’ve had a long day at work or am going through a rough patch, Walter doesn’t even care to listen. He just opens a can of beer and watches football as I’m talking to him. It is very disrespectful and I don’t know how long I can put up with it. “
13. He wants you to be the one to change
In his mind, he is flawless and doesn’t need to change anything, despite how many bad qualities he possesses. He will always tell you to change things about yourself to suit his needs. At this point of time, all words like ‘compromises’ and ‘sacrifices’ will come out of his mouth, but these words would only mean something if they are directed towards you.
But when it comes to him he goes about his life as he pleases. You can’t stop him from doing anything neither does he care about how you feel. That’s why you’re constantly saying, “My boyfriend is selfish!” You are supposed to be the sacrificial cow, not him.
14. He is self-centred
He lives in a world of his own where he is the main character. Others are just extras who can be replaced at any time. He thinks that everything is about ‘him’ and will somehow include himself into every conversation. He loves to be the center of attention, because it makes him feel superior to others. He expects you to get him gifts, cook for him, please him by doing all the chores, but he won’t reciprocate.
Ever told your girlfriends, “My boyfriend is stingy and selfish”? Because if he sounds anything like what we mentioned above, he certainly is.
Related Reading: 12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend
15. For everything nice he does for you, he has other motives
If you do get a surprise gift from him or he plans a romantic date for you, it is not because he cares for you or loves you. If he does something, it is because he wants something in return or just wants to avoid a discussion.
For example, a few flowers and a candlelight dinner are his tickets to a night of good sex. This is the bare minimum he would do to keep you in his life so that he can get laid.
Selfishness to some extent may be tolerated. When this selfishness exceeds the limit of mere laziness and reaches the point of self-obsession, it is then that you need an out from the relationship.
Love has no real meaning if the person you share your life with doesn’t give you the love and commitment you deserve. If he is only thinking of himself then you know where the relationship is heading. He is a mean, unappreciative, inconsiderate selfish boyfriend.
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Selfish boyfriends: Here are 24 key signs to watch for
Your boyfriend brings home flowers and chocolate one evening.
This sounds amazing. Then, all of a sudden, everything is about him once again.
Does this sound like something you have been through?
You might be asking if you are in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend.
Selfish boyfriends come in different shapes and sizes. How do you know if you are in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend?
What are some of the signs you should look for? You may think you can pick out selfish (or clingy) people. On the other hand, it is easy to be thrown off by love and romance.
Fortunately, we are going to cover these signs for you.
Keep reading if you would like to spot the most important signs of a selfish boyfriend. Then, learn more about what you should do about it before he becomes a selfish husband.
What does it mean to be selfish in a relationship?
First, it is important to cover what it means to be selfish in a relationship.
When people think about someone who is selfish, they think about someone who refuses to share his or her things.
You were taught to share as a child, right? Hogging material items can be something that selfish people do.
In a relationship, being selfish means something different.
Yes, it does mean that your boyfriend should share material things with you. On the other hand, there are other ways he can be selfish as well.
Some of the most common examples include:
- Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his feelings with you.
- Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his time with you.
- Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his thoughts with you.
Even though being selfish can include material items, it includes other areas as well.
If you are in a relationship, this should go both ways.
This means that your boyfriend should be willing to share with you. If he is not, he may be a selfish boyfriend and you could be thinking about breaking up with him.
24 signs of a selfish boyfriend
1) He only talks about himself
People like to talk about themselves.
For example, if something good happens in your life, you probably want to share it with other people.
Eventually, enough is enough.
You know that in order to get people to like you, you need to ask them questions about themselves.
Your boyfriend should understand this as well. Even simply asking, “how was your day?” can go a long way.
If your boyfriend is unwilling to even go this far, he may be selfish. If your boyfriend never stops talking about himself, that is because he is only thinking about himself.
Your boyfriend should ask you questions about yourself from time to time.
If your boyfriend doesn’t show any interest in getting to know you better, he may be selfish.
2) He expects your support but doesn’t give his support in return
Couples are supposed to support one another. That is why you provide support to your boyfriend. If your boyfriend expects you to support him, that is a sign that he cares about you.
On the other hand, your boyfriend should support you in return.
If you need your boyfriend to be there for you, he should be willing to step up. After all, if you cannot count on your significant other to be there for you, what does this mean for your relationship?
If your boyfriend doesn’t support you in return, he may be selfish. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who supports you.
3) When you don’t meet his expectations, he is unforgiving
You probably have certain standards in your relationship.
There is nothing wrong with having expectations. You probably work hard to meet the expectations of your boyfriend.
On the other hand, your boyfriend should at least make an effort to meet your expectations. If your boyfriend expects you to meet his expectations but doesn’t make an effort to meet yours, this is a one-way relationship.
A one-way relationship is a sign of a selfish boyfriend.
Your boyfriend should at least make an effort to be there for you and meet your expectations.
4) He is unwilling to change his schedule when you need him
Schedules provide structure and comfort.
If you have a schedule, you would probably like to keep it. Your boyfriend probably has a schedule as well. He tries to stick to it.
On the other hand, emergencies happen. Some of the most common examples of emergencies include:
- You can end up at the hospital.
- You are rushing to meet your plane flight.
- You have a loved one who requires your assistance.
- An emergency pops up at work.
Some things are simply more important than others. If there is an emergency and you need him to change his schedule, is he willing to do so?
If your boyfriend is unwilling to change his schedule in the event of an emergency, this is a sign that he may be selfish.
5) He is nice to you, but only when he gets something back
Couples are supposed to be nice to one another. Sure, nobody can be nice all of the time!
On the other hand, take note of when your boyfriend is being nice to you, which is not how a relationship should work.
Your boyfriend should be nice to you because he likes you.
On the other hand, some boyfriends are only nice to their significant others when they can get something in return.
If your boyfriend views his emotions as transactional, that is a problem.
If you notice that your boyfriend is only being nice to you when he wants something in return, he could be a selfish boyfriend and you may want to break up with him.
6) He tracks all of the nice things that he does for you
If you find that your boyfriend is tracking all of the nice things he does for you, ask yourself why he is keeping score. Your boyfriend should do nice things for you because he likes you.
If your boyfriend is keeping score of all the nice things he does for you, he may be adding up favors. Then, he may ask for something major in return.
That is not how relationships are supposed to work. If your boyfriend is keeping score, he could be selfish. Don’t be afraid to lose someone like this.
7) He appears to provide his love conditionally
One of the cornerstones of a strong relationship should be unconditional love. Just as you provide your love to your boyfriend unconditionally, you expect that in return.
If your gut is telling you that your boyfriend is only providing his love conditionally, that is a problem.
Why is your boyfriend providing his love with strings attached? What does he want in return? Does he even love you?
This is just another sign that he only cares about himself. If your boyfriend provides love conditionally, he could be selfish.
8) He is using you as an ATM
If your boyfriend comes to you and asks for money, there may be an emergency. This is another opportunity for you to do something nice for your boyfriend.
On the other hand, if he consistently comes to you for money whenever he needs it, even for small things, he could be selfish. Particularly if your boyfriend has money, why is he asking you for money?
If your boyfriend treats you like an ATM, he is selfish.
Do not let him treat you like this.
9) He never asks any questions about you
If your boyfriend cares about you, he should ask questions about you. If you find that he is not asking any questions about you, he could be selfish.
For example, your boyfriend should be curious about what is happening in your life. Who do you hang out with? What do you like to do? Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?
If your boyfriend does not show any interest in you, he could be selfish. Your boyfriend should ask you questions about yourself from time to time.
This is a part of getting to know you better.
10) He doesn’t seem to remember what you talked about the day before
Your boyfriend should remember what you talked about the prior day. Sure, everyone forgets things from time to time.
On the other hand, if you notice that your boyfriend never seems to remember anything about your conversations, this is a problem.
It is a sign that he does not care about what you talked about.
A boyfriend who cares should remember your conversations. If not, he could be a selfish boyfriend.
11) He doesn’t remember who your friends are
Your boyfriend is probably not going to remember the names of all of your friends. On the other hand, he should remember the names of friends you hang out with all the time.
You are probably going to talk about your best friend.
Your boyfriend will probably even join you when you hang out with them occasionally. Therefore, he should remember their names.
If you find that your boyfriend is not able to remember the names of your closest friends, that is a problem. It is a sign that he doesn’t really care about getting to know you as a person.
It could be a sign that he is selfish.
12) He appears to be very defensive
Someone who is selfish is going to be unwilling to accept criticism.
If your boyfriend is selfish, he cares only about himself. Therefore, he is going to get defensive when you criticize him.
If your boyfriend is defensive, you should ask yourself why.
He may do everything he can to protect his flaws even while pointing out your own. He may believe that he’s perfect because that’s who he cares about most.
Your boyfriend should be willing to accept blame and fault for things that are his responsibility. If not, he is a selfish boyfriend.
13) He is unwilling to compromise with you about anything
Relationships are supposed to be about compromise. You aren’t going to get it your way every time. On the other hand, your boyfriend shouldn’t get it his way every time either.
If your boyfriend is not willing to compromise, that is because he believes that he is right. Furthermore, he thinks he is right all the time.
If your boyfriend has to compromise, he may feel like he is losing control. He won’t be able to tolerate this. This is just another sign of a selfish boyfriend.
14) He doesn’t provide you with any breathing room
You are supposed to be close to your boyfriend in a relationship.
On the other hand, you two are not the same people. You should have some breathing room from time to time.
If your boyfriend is unwilling to provide you with any breathing room at all, it is because he is controlling. He only cares about himself and he wants to control you as well.
If you feel like you are being suffocated, it could be because your boyfriend is selfish. You should have some freedom to make your own decisions as well.
15) He has selfish habits in bed
If you are in a relationship with someone, you should care about satisfying that person in bed.
Of course, your boyfriend has needs as well. On the other hand, a relationship should go both ways, particularly in the bedroom.
If he is selfish in bed, it is because he only cares about his needs. He doesn’t actually care about your needs.
If he doesn’t make any effort to satisfy you, then he is a selfish lover.
A selfish lover is a selfish boyfriend.
16) He doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends
If you think your boyfriend is selfish, you may be wondering if other people are thinking the same thing.
Does he have a lot of friends? Does he invite you to hang out with his friends?
If he doesn’t have a lot of friends, it is probably because he’s selfish around his friends as well.
Take note of how many friends he has. If he has a lot of friends, it is a sign that he does nice things for his friends.
If he doesn’t have a lot of friends, he’s probably a selfish person. That could make him a selfish boyfriend as well.
17) He doesn’t seem to be living in the real world
If your boyfriend seems to be living in his own world, he may be too busy to think about you. That’s because his interests, thoughts, and emotions are more important to him.
He may be more interested in the sporting event on TV. He may be more interested in his video game. He may be more interested in his friends. The common theme is that he is not interested in you.
You should be a part of his world.
If you do sign that he is preoccupied with his own fantasies, he doesn’t care about you.
If he doesn’t care about you, he’s a selfish boyfriend.
18) He always uses the word “ME” instead of “WE”
When you are in a relationship with someone else, you two should do things together. Therefore, your boyfriend should be using the word “we” instead of “me.”
If he uses the word “me” a lot of the time, it’s a sign that he’s still thinking about himself.
He should look at your relationship as a couple. He should use the word “we.” If not, he’s a selfish boyfriend.
19) He doesn’t seem to surprise you about anything
You are probably a nice girlfriend.
You plan fun evenings with him and surprise him with the occasional gift. You also are willing to try everything that he wants to do in bed.
So, what does he do for you? Does he surprise you from time to time? Does he go out of his way to plan something exciting for you?
If not, it is because he’s never thinking about you. If he doesn’t think about you, he’s selfish.
20) You don’t seem to be living your own life anymore
Before you entered a relationship, you had your own life.
You had your own friends. You had your own job. You even had your own place.
Now, it doesn’t feel like you are living your own life at all.
Your boyfriend appears to control everything. You don’t even get to decide what to do with your own money.
If that is the case, you are no longer living your own life. Your boyfriend controls everything because he is selfish. If you don’t live your own life, it could be because your boyfriend is selfish.
21) His family members have similar experiences to your own
Finally, you have gotten the opportunity to meet his family.
That is great, right? Then, it appears that his family members always have a “but” when they talk about him.
Ask his family members about their experiences. If his family members appear to have similar experiences, it may be that your boyfriend is selfish.
22) You suspect he has ulterior motives
If your gut tells you that your boyfriend always has ulterior motives, you should ask yourself why.
If you find that your boyfriend does something nice that is out of character, that may be a good thing. Or, it may be a sign that your boyfriend has ulterior motives.
Does everything always come with strings attached? If so, your boyfriend may be selfish.
23) He always asks you to change but never changes himself
If you are changing to better meet the needs of your boyfriend, that is a good sign because you care about him. On the other hand, your boyfriend should change to meet your needs from time to time as well.
If your boyfriend appears to be unwilling to change for you, it is a sign that he could be selfish.
24) He is never there for you when you need him the most
Finally, is your boyfriend there for you when you need him the most?
When your best friend is going through a tough time, is your boyfriend there for you? When you have a sick family member, is your boyfriend there for you?
Your boyfriend should be there for you when you need him the most.
If he is not there for you, it is a sign that he cares only about himself. That is the sign of a selfish boyfriend.
Why are boyfriends so selfish?
Your boyfriend likes you. Therefore, he should care about you, right?
There are several reasons why boyfriends might be selfish. These include:
- He has gotten his way throughout his entire life
- He has never had to compromise on anything
- He has never been taught that the emotions, desires, and needs of other people matter
- He is afraid that your relationship is going to ruin his personal life
- He is unable to do things for himself
- He is worried that you are going to be superior to him in the relationship
Ultimately, a selfish boyfriend does not understand the meaning of the word partnership. If you are nervous about your relationship, learn about relationship anxiety.
Spot the signs of a selfish boyfriend
In the end, your boyfriend should care about you.
Your relationship needs to go both ways. Sure, you are going to have to compromise and change to meet the needs of your boyfriend.
On the other hand, your boyfriend should also be willing to make adjustments for you. Your boyfriend should care about your life, ask about you, and remember what you like the most.
If you aren’t noticing signs that your boyfriend cares about you, you could be in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend. Don’t you deserve better?
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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I need your happiness...
I met him by chance, at a concert in Netanya (Israel), where I was invited as a media representative to a conference on preserving the culture, traditions and language of Caucasian Jews. This conference was timed to coincide with the celebration of the 10th anniversary of the STMEGI Charitable Foundation and the 10th anniversary of the release of the first issue of the Kavkazskaya Gazeta, with the editors of which we are on friendly terms.
In the bustle before the concert, there were not many opportunities for a long unhurried conversation, but even this half-hour conversation made an indelible impression on me. I discovered Amiramov - a philosopher, poet, a deeply thinking person with an extraordinary view of the world. How often, unfortunately, the image of this or that artist seems to us too superficial. Definitely, this is the fault of the media, which show readers only the shell. But today we will talk about the Soul - the soul of a poet, musician and just a person.
- Ephraim, is your participation in this concert program a tribute to your people, the inability to refuse close friends or something else?
- I decided to perform several songs in this concert program, first of all, because this is one of the rare opportunities to see my friends, communicate with fellow countrymen. Year after year, we travel around different cities and countries, and I am grateful to the editor-in-chief of Kavkazskaya Gazeta Jonatan Mishiev for bringing us all together at such events every 2-3 years.
- In your opinion, what real benefit can such meetings bring for a particular person or families living in different parts of the world?
- The idea of uniting Caucasian Jews scattered all over the world has been floating around for a long time, but now a leader has appeared, and the people have become more active. But the main thing is that this work is carried out constantly, and that the assistance provided by the STMEGI Charitable Foundation is specifically aimed at supporting and developing our very talented youth. How many gifted children we have, but no one sees or hears them, because in order to take part in any international competitions, funds are needed, and considerable ones. It's a shame when you see that the leadership of the Chechen Republic, Ingush and others support their talented youth, and our children do not have such an opportunity. It is clear that we do not have our own republic and there is no one at the state level to support our children, but there are many worthy and wealthy people, and I hope that everything will change.
- Let's talk about your work. How has your inner world changed after you plunged into the world of show business?
- Show and business are different things for me. I'm not a party-goer, I live my own life and rarely go anywhere, I prefer solo concerts to gala concerts, not counting such events as today's. As for my worldview, or rather, not even my worldview, but my worldview, it, of course, has changed over the years. For example, I believe that there is no injustice, this is my principled position. And in everything that happens in my life and does not suit me, only I myself am to blame. There are always helpers, of course, and I feel it. It’s good when you suddenly receive help from above, but it also happens the other way around, when you stumble, there are always such “helpers” who will push you and rejoice if you fall and break into blood. But I always choose the direction in my life myself, I also make the decision how to act at one time or another. Therefore, there is no one to be offended.
I realized that my happiness is not what I brought into the house, but what I gave away. It is impossible to feel happy when there are unhappy people around. Therefore, in one of my poems, I wrote: “I need your happiness, people!”. It's not just words, it really is. When you are among happy people, then you yourself bathe in this happiness. That is my worldview. For example, sometimes you think: why are the Jews so unfair? And are we fair to each other?.. If sometimes you can’t get through to your brother, how can you complain about the disrespect of your neighbor? The world around you is your reflection. Open your arms to the world, and he will answer you the same.
There are things that they are not talking about,
They feel and take care of them, like wisdom,
We only create our own hell,
Everything else is heaven, love and youth.
- Ephraim, as far as I know, the second collection of your poems should be published soon. At concerts you sing songs of your own composition and read your own poems.
What comes first for you - music or poetry? In a burst of inspiration, what comes to mind initially?
- Definitely poetry. And then the music comes, and if everything works out, then it's a song. So, compared to other singer-songwriters, I don't have that many songs. Poems come through the heart, but what comes through the head is false. And inspiration is the truth, it helps to most fully express the innermost that is in your soul. Inspiration can look different: sometimes it's emotions, happiness, and sometimes it's stress.
- Do you publish your poetry collections yourself?
- No, by no means. I believe that if people need my poems, then there will be those who want to publish them. It's not in my rules to "PR" myself. Both collections were published by my friends, who convinced me that this must be done. The first edition was all sold out at my concerts. The second collection will be published at the end of this year or at the beginning of the next.
- In one of your interviews, you said the following phrase: "Thanks to my friends, I am who I am.
" By the way, Gabriel Garcia Marquez once said: “I love you not for who you are, but for who I am next to you.” This is symbolic.
- Questions of honor and conscience were formed in me, besides my father and mother, by my friends. Maybe, being a different person, I forced myself to be such that I would not be ashamed in front of those who consider me their friend. Not out of fear of humiliation, but out of fear of loss. I value my friends very much.
- If we touch on the topic of creative prerequisites, the formation of musical tastes, perhaps we should start from childhood, from the family?
- I was born in the city of Nalchik (Kabardino-Balkaria), my father before the Great Patriotic War was an organizer, choreographer and the first director of the Karachay State Song and Dance Ensemble. He played all musical instruments except wind instruments. And my mother was engaged in raising children, she is a mother-heroine, because I have four more sisters and a brother.
- Did you dedicate many of your songs to your mother?
- I often refer to my mother in songs. Parents are the most important people in my life. But, unfortunately, everything that life brings, it also takes away. Dad has been gone for a long time, and I recently lost my mother.
Everything that seemed imperishable rots slowly,
And the Soul disappeared in the garbage pit of the Universe…
Oh, mother, all my life - breaking lines, fragments of shrines.
And the voice that cries in the wilderness today is your son...
- Your songs are a surge of emotions, a piece of mood, feelings, but at the same time they are deeply philosophical.
- My thoughts about the world, about a person, about myself are reflected in verses:
I, tired of running at night,
Intrusively pondered at night,
What is the limit for man...
And guessed: our limit is ourselves...
- In conclusion of our conversation, say a few words to your fans living in different countries of the world.
- I would like to express my wishes in verse form.
I remember the world where I once lived...
It was ridiculously simple in him ...
Man was brother to man,
The first person you meet is a friend and a Tsar...
People of all views, colors, castes,
All the lands that brought them to life,
Everyone carried Love as a symbol of Happiness
And bathed in Happiness and Love...
I'm not afraid of executioners or judges,
Although he was not right and clean in everything ...
But... I need your happiness, People,
Like a simple normal egoist…
After all, when any happiness is near,
Then it suddenly comes to me ...
Now with a smile, now with a loving look,
That with a simple touch of the hand…
And wandering around the native planet,
Either on foot or on horseback,
I wish happiness to everyone in the world,
Because I need it.
Sabina Bakhshieva, Netanya (Israel) - Rastatt (Germany)
Author: Sabina Bakhshieva
What to do if a man is an egoist in a relationship, how to behave. How to get along with a selfish husband
The problem of “getting married successfully” has been solved, but a no less difficult situation called “my husband - selfish ". The man quickly realizes that after the wedding banquet the period of feigned gallantry is officially over, and confidently returns to his usual selfishness.
Such a spouse, without remorse, will be the first to take the bathroom, even if he knows that his wife is late, finish the last candy from the vase, and also hardly let him go ahead in the elevator.
There is only one justification for choosing an egoist - all women are sure that after marriage they will be able to re-educate their willful spouse. A veil of love covers the eyes, and it becomes more and more difficult to notice distinct signs of a man’s inappropriate behavior.
Yes, sooner or later the situation opens in all its glory, and then you have to fight with the unshakable male nature. But before you start a complex impact, understand the motives for the actions of your "home" egoist.
Reasons for your man's selfish behavior
The root cause of such behavior always lies in childhood. Most likely, your husband has always been a real "sissy": mom gave all of herself and did not demand anything in return for the sake of the happiness of her beloved child. And if everything really happened, re-education will be very difficult, and may not give any result at all. The general formation of a personality is completed at the age of 16, and if this same “personality” has always received what it wants and lived in permissiveness, it will be quite difficult for her to refuse blessings and learn to give.
The second reason for a husband's selfishness is his wife's behavior. Self-placed it comfortably on your neck, then why are you complaining now? Fortunately, this situation can still be changed, but everything will have to be done gradually so that the spouse does not perceive the change in your behavior as proof that he has fallen out of love and does not go in search of a more understanding woman on the side.
Varieties of egoist husbands
Before answering the question “ Egoist husband - what to do ? it is necessary to understand in more detail the classification of domestic egoists.
The fact that the feeling of egoism prevails only in women is a big mistake. You will be surprised, but the orientation to one's own "I" is inherent in men. Husband selfish what to do with it? This question is quite popular among many of the fair sex. After all, when the head of the family seeks to satisfy only his own interests, then more and more quarrels and disagreements arise that can destroy the family.
Women who have stocked up on experience assert with confidence that all men are egoists. A pessimistic attitude helped them come to terms with this and in the future they take this quality for granted. But then, the question arises, if the husband is selfish how to deal with it? Is it possible to get along with him? Let's try to figure this out together.
Types of egoism
- Reasonable egoist - this kind of egoism allows a man to exalt himself above all, but at the same time, those around him do not suffer from constant whims.
- An inveterate egoist - only he is the owner of the throne and will not yield to anyone. He will never allow close people to spend their free time on personal interests.
- Aggressive egoist - if your soul mate falls into this category, then things are pretty bad. A selfish husband of this type is absolutely incorrigible. Contradictions and beliefs to the contrary will lead to violent perception. His desires are in the first place, as he ordered - it will be so, there is no other way. The desires and needs of others do not interest him at all.
How to get along with an egoist
If you are convinced that your husband has a sense of selfishness, then you need to figure out how best to deal with such a “gift”.
Gingerbread without a whip
The first thing that comes to mind is to file for divorce. How can you live with a person who only cares about himself, you think. And then what? Pull the children yourself or look for an egoist easier? This is not the best option.
First you need to check if it is possible to change your egoist. Of course, it will not be possible to completely eradicate this feeling, but it is possible that in some situations you will succeed.
Perhaps you are annoyed by minor household habits, which most likely your spouse is not even aware of. In this case, you should talk to him about what does not suit you.
He carefully listened to your claims, and as often happens, he even promised to improve. But after a while, everything repeats again. Then you need to change tactics. In the face of others, an egoist needs to be on top, so he needs to be convinced that in our time the family should be in the first place. That he should spend time with you as often as possible, a family photo must have a place on his desktop, buying gifts for children is much more important than fishing tackle - such actions will cause the unconditional admiration of friends and acquaintances, and he will properly fix it in front of his superiors.
your status.
Love yourself
Before you decide to strengthen a man's ego, think about it, maybe you are missing something, which makes you feel deprived. In this case, you should take an example from your husband - love yourself! Feel special. It is incredibly important for a selfish man that his wife be excellent. This will give him the opportunity to raise self-esteem among others. Take care of yourself! Do not regret the last money for a trip to the hairdresser. And to the selfish half, kindly explain that you tried just for him.
Praise regularly
Kiss and hug your man as often as possible. Tell him that he is the best and most attentive. Very soon he will change his attitude and for you he will be able to move mountains. Get creative with this issue and success is guaranteed to you.
If relationships are really dear to you, then you will certainly succeed in finding the keys to your beloved egoist, and he, in turn, will not be able to resist.
Husband doesn't ask how you are at work, doesn't remember the date you met, doesn't notice your new hairstyle... Yes, he only thinks about himself! He also scatters things and never does the dishes after him, as if you are a housekeeper who is obliged to clean up after him. Egoist!
Stop! Do not confuse concepts. Sloppiness, forgetfulness, inattention to trifles - all this does not mean boundless selfishness. Do not accuse a man of selfishness if he cares about you and shows compassion for people. If all his feelings and thoughts are directed only at himself, this is a different story.
Ordinary selfish
The so-called healthy egoism is inherent in all of us. If you do not suffer from the victim syndrome, you will find its signs in yourself. But studies show that selfish people are more common among the stronger sex.
A man who is prone to selfishness in the average form may seem like a good-natured merry fellow. But his distinguishing feature is emphasized narcissism.
Whatever he does (brings food, hammers in a nail), he expects admiration and recognition of his merits. Of course, you are offended by his attitude: he takes any trouble around his own person for granted and, it seems, is not grateful to his wife. His ill health is always more serious than your indisposition, and any of his nonsense activities is more important than family affairs.
Re-educating a life partner is difficult, but possible. And it’s worth starting ... with yourself! It is not uncommon for women to cultivate male egoism, shouldering all their affairs and worries.
You need to learn the main rule: you must not give up your own interests and principles! Your husband is an adult and independent person, and you can easily share household duties and solve problems together.
Learn to talk about what doesn't suit you. But at the same time, avoid accusations and pretentious tone.
And don't try: confident in his irresistibility, he believes that he will not be left alone.
Get your way with praise! Approve his actions more often, especially in the presence of friends and relatives. And the man will try to do as much as possible for you!
Rare copy
You can find an approach to a weakly expressed egoist. If you fell in love with a man who does not think about anyone but himself, then everything is more difficult. His selfishness is pronounced: he does not tolerate criticism, gets irritated when he hears any request, violently imposes his opinion on everyone and makes unreasonable claims. In marriage, the main thing for him is comfort, stability and the ability to solve his own problems at the expense of a partner.
What should you do? Either accept, or leave him, or fight for your love. If next to him he sees a confident, independent, admirable woman, he will not want to lose her!
About 42% marriages break up due to the psychological unpreparedness of the spouses for living together. This is the inability or unwillingness to understand a loved one, to meet him halfway, sacrificing one's own interests.
Most unions, if partners began to listen to each other.
There is an opinion in society that women are selfish creatures who crave to be taken care of and fulfill the slightest whims. Poor men must deny themselves everything in order to please their beloved. This happens, but quickly ends after the end of the candy-bouquet period. Representatives of the stronger sex remember themselves and begin to think about their own ego, looking for personal gain in relationships to the detriment of the interests of a loved one. How to behave with a selfish man and are there any chances to re-educate a lover?
What is selfishness
Striving for self-development, attempts to make life better, to achieve the set goal by any means and at the same time to put individual interests above the feelings of other people - this is how selfish personalities are characterized. What is the male ego? It is a focus solely on personal needs, feelings and experiences. Egoists want to have all the benefits that others have, their inner male ego is insatiable and makes you constantly think that a person is deprived of something, he feels a lack of something unknown.
Quite often, selfish men are lonely, cannot build a normal relationship with a woman, they are completely absorbed in themselves, they try on the role of a tyrant in marriage and are infinitely unhappy if their chosen one does not want to devote her life entirely to fulfilling the whims of her lover.
How to recognize an egoist
A male egoist requires increased attention to his person, wants instant fulfillment of his whims, without thinking about the feelings of other people. Recognizing the signs of an egoist is not difficult, just look at the behavior in a particular situation. This feature of character is inherent in every person, however, in normal people, self-centeredness is balanced by other qualities.
Characteristic signs of a man's egoist:
- irresponsibility towards others: it is impossible to rely on him - his own requests come first, which means that he will ignore your requests if he does not see personal benefit in them;
- the selfish guy does not bother to apologize, his narcissism and pride do not allow him to admit mistakes, even if he is really wrong;
- other people's opinion does not matter, he cannot make joint decisions and is not interested in other people's thoughts;
- male selfishness in relationships is manifested by emotional violence: a partner can morally humiliate and verbally offend a partner, but no apologies can be expected;
- selfish persons do not know how to openly express their feelings - they do not see the need for this, but they expect increased attention and care from the second half.
If a man shows signs of an egoist, then it will be very difficult to build normal relationships with him. Before you start an affair or decide to marry the owner of an exaggerated ego, you should think many times whether you are mentally prepared for the upcoming difficulties of re-education, and whether you can put up with it if your efforts do not give the desired result.
Is it possible to build normal relationships with a selfish nature
How to re-educate a selfish man? Many women think that this is very easy. The female sex often cannot imagine the extent of male selfishness, assuming that she can correct his behavior with a simple frank conversation. In fact, to overcome terry selfishness, you will have to put in a lot of effort and patience.
