Introvert wedding ideas

Wedding-Day Tips for Introverted Couples Who Hate Attention

  • Even if you hate being the center of attention, you can still have the wedding of your dreams.
  • Insider spoke to 11 experts to find out what to remove and what to add to your wedding day.
  • Tips include reimagining your procession, adding mini breaks, and nixing the first dance.
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They say your wedding day is supposed to be one of the biggest and best days of your life — it's a celebration of love where all eyes are on you. But if you're someone who hates being the center of attention in your everyday life, you may have anxiety about being in the spotlight on your wedding day, too.

So how can you make your "big day" feel less big?

For introverted couples who want to celebrate their love but don't want to make a spectacle while doing so, we've compiled tips from experts to help. Guided by wedding planners, wedding site and event founders, life coaches, and therapists, everything from excluding certain traditions to including private moments made the list.

Be honest with yourself before you start planning

After the question has been popped and you've taken a moment to soak in this exciting life change, it's time to start planning. This can be very exciting but intimidating, so it's important that you account for your and your partner's wants, needs, and emotions along the way. 

Holistic psychotherapist Devon McLeod said people should acknowledge their internal struggle of being the center of attention.

"Journal your feelings out or speak to a trusted friend or therapist [...] If feeling like the center of attention brings up feelings of being judged, imagine kind eyes on you from all of the people in attendance and visualize this before your wedding," she told Insider.

Communicate concerns with wedding planners and vendors, and manage guests' expectations

Consensus among experts is that it's imperative to voice your concerns and needs to key players in your wedding: planners, officiants, photographers, DJs, hair stylists, the wedding party, and so on.

Couples should also set the tone for the wedding to their guests in advance. Janessa White, co-founder and CEO of Simply Eloped, an elopement planning service, advised "managing expectations so people aren't walking up to the bride and groom the day-of expecting attention."

For example, if you wish to skip a receiving line to greet guests, White recommended communicating this in a note in the invitation. Instead, you could say you look forward to having a private phone call or dinner with your guest after the wedding day.

Find an intimate and casual wedding venue

A backyard wedding and/or daytime wedding can help your wedding day feel more casual and familiar. Shutterstock

Not every wedding needs to be in a large wedding hall or "wedding factory." For introverted couples, a more casual ceremony and reception may be the better option.

Lindsey Nickel, owner of and wedding planner at Lovely Day Events, said, "For smaller, more intimate weddings, you can do something more casual like a daytime wedding or a brunch wedding. That will help it feel less formal. More easy breezy, so to speak."

Backyard weddings, for example, allow couples to feel more comfortable in a space they know, she said.

Consider having a multi-day or dual-part celebration

It might seem counterintuitive to be the center of attention for longer than you need to be, but there are benefits to it.

"If you plan a couple of events over the course of a few days, there's less pressure on any one event for everyone to fit everything in," Hannah Nowack, editor of "Real Weddings" at The Knot, said. "Instead, the whole event can take on more of a laid-back reunion feel."

Katie Brownstein, director of marketing and communications at Joy, a free wedding-planning website, has seen this trend coming out of the pandemic. "Couples are planning a variety of events, from welcome drinks, to daytime outdoor activities, in addition to the traditional rehearsal dinner and wedding," she said.

But if a multi-day wedding doesn't seem like the right fit, you can avoid being in the spotlight too much by splitting up the day.

"Because of the pandemic, many couples started having dual-part weddings with a more intimate or even private ceremony, and then a larger reception later," said Emily Forrest Skurnik, director of communications at Zola.

Be intentional with your guest list

Smaller bridal parties and guest lists are beneficial for positive energy. Shutterstock

Slimming down your guest list and bridal party is an obvious way to have fewer eyes on you during your wedding day. While an elopement may be a good option, a smaller gathering in general could help. It may not be the easiest decision to figure out who you don't want in attendance, but it is important that you put yourself first.

In deciding who to remove from your list, Skurnik said, "If you feel like having your coworkers at your wedding will cause you added stress, maybe don't extend the invite. The same goes for plus-ones."

There are other benefits to having a smaller wedding. Having fewer guests generally "minimizes any drama," Nickel said.

"Keeping a smaller group of people getting ready with you in general would help because you have less opinions, less people running late, and less questions," she said.

Prepare for crowd-viewing moments

Consider some rehearsals to better help you mentally prepare for the more daunting moments.

"Schedule a rehearsal so you can practice walking down the aisle," Skurnik suggested. "You can even practice reciting your vows [...] Practice your first dance, practice small talk, and yes, practice your kiss."

This is true for your wedding photos, too.

Emily Monus, owner of Emily Monus Events, an LGBTQIA+ and vegan event-planning service, said, "By working with your photographer in a low-stakes setting, such as an engagement shoot at your favorite park, or even in your own home, you are able to build a rapport with your photographer and practice being in front the camera. "

Creating a photo list of poses and additional guests you want in the photos will also help lessen the attention on you.

Have a peaceful wedding eve and wedding morning

"The night before your big day, don't invite all your friends over," Lisa Phillips, life coach at Amazing Coaching and the author of "The Confidence Coach," told Insider. "Make that a night for 'yourself.' Make sure you create a good energy surplus."

She also recommends a low-key morning with few people involved.

"Introverts gain their energy from being alone, so find some quiet time for yourself to fully charge your batteries for the day," she added.

Designate a point person for questions

When you already don't like being the center of attention, the last thing you likely want is for everyone to come directly to you with their questions. This is the perfect opportunity to hand off that responsibility. 

"Designating your most type-A, organized wedding party attendant to be the point person will save you from being inundated with a plethora of queries on your wedding day," Nowack said.

White agreed, suggesting a maid of honor could be a "blocker" for the bride. "All details or lines of communication go through the maid of honor instead of the bride or the groomsmen instead of the groom," she said.

Consider doing a 'first look'

Couples are opting to do first looks so they can see and spend time with their partners before the day gets busy. Sergii Sobolevskyi/Shutterstock

The teary moment when a couple sees each other for the first time at the altar is often one for the movies. However, it might make some couples uncomfortable to share that intimate experience with an audience. So, doing a first look is a nice way to ease your anxieties about that moment.

"What the first look does is it actually gives you alone time," Rachel Silver, founder and CEO of Love Stories TV, a wedding-focused online marketplace, said. "It actually makes the whole day less stressful because if you don't see each other until the ceremony, then you're potentially skipping your cocktail hour in order to take pictures, which you might not want to do."

Nickel added that some couples choose to spend their time together from the first look until the ceremony. This is beneficial when you want to be alone, but not fully alone.

Recite your personal vows in private

It's quite custom now for couples to read personalized vows. However, since this element of the wedding is so personal, you may be nervous to speak vulnerably in front of your guests.

Katie Kortebein, head of editorial at Love Stories TV and an introverted bride herself who is currently planning her wedding, suggested reading these vows to each other earlier in the day.

"Another reason for a first look? You can exchange your vows privately and then simply repeat after the officiant in front of guests," she said.

Another option that Skurnik suggested was including a special reading or a performance from a loved one at your ceremony in place of reading your personal vows.

Reinvent the procession and receiving lines

Couples can redefine their walk down the aisle by making it more casual or walking together rather than separate. Shutterstock

Walking down the aisle may be intimidating if you don't want to be in the spotlight.

"A great alternative is to enter the ceremony space with your partner," Nowack said. "Alternatively, you could flip the script and kick off the wedding day with a casual cocktail hour time of mingling. Then effortlessly transition into the wedding ceremony and skip the processional altogether. "

Similarly, a receiving line may push you out of your comfort zone.

"Decide not to include this in your schedule," Phillips said. "Allow your guests to get settled in the reception area and then join them after you've had a quick rest."

Celebrate with your partner alone after the ceremony

After the whirlwind of marrying one another, couples should be able to step away to reflect and celebrate on their own. Brownstein told Insider that a rising trend is for couples to eat dinner separately from their guests after the ceremony.

Nickel incorporates this into her wedding services through an element called "Bubbles & Bites," a break where she gives the couple a private space with drinks and food to relax together.

"That really goes a long way for introverted people to step away from the spotlight for a few minutes and be with the person they love before going back out to greet everybody," she said.

Schedule check-ins and mini breaks

Finding a quiet space to take multiple breaks with your partner can help you both unwind. Shutterstock

It's not selfish to have alone time. In fact, experts recommended scheduling breaks throughout the day.

Monus also suggested planning check-in points with your wedding planner, saying, "Offering yourself the opportunity to take a break and knowing it will be built into the timeline for you can be such a relief to a nervous, shy marrier."

Guests might not even notice, Silver said.

"The further you are into the wedding, the less people are going to notice," she said. "No one's going to notice if the bride's gone for five or 10 minutes. And that can feel really powerful if you're just emotionally exhausted."

Reformat the first dance

The first dance is possibly one of the most nerve-racking portions of a wedding, but there are several alternatives.

Sarah Wintersteen, owner of Sistered States, an event-planning and design company, shared a few suggestions.

"You can ask the band or DJ to fade out the song after the first chorus so that you are only dancing for about a minute instead of 3 minutes," she said. Or "you can ask other married couples to join in on your first dance so it is not just the two of you dancing."

If that still concerns you, Brownstein said, "You could even opt to do your first dance in private before joining the reception, if you want to keep that tradition without the attention."

Make the reception setup more comfortable

Creating spaces like lounges for guests to mingle off the dance floor is a great option. Shutterstock

Rather than a traditional ballroom with tables circling a dance floor, you can incorporate more intimate and unique setups into your wedding. This is beneficial especially if you don't want the focus to be on dancing.

For example, Nickel suggested to incorporate lounges, saying, "Give people a place to go hang out where they won't have to be on the dance floor."

"That would give the bride and the groom an opportunity to still mingle and see their guests in a literally and figuratively more comfortable setting," she said.

Consider having a sweetheart table ... but only if it will make you feel more comfortable

A sweetheart table that's not in the center of the room can be a good option for couples who want some time apart from guests. Shutterstock

You can have your own personal bubble with a secluded and separate sweetheart table. It can be positioned off to the side so you aren't the focal point of the space.

"If you are truly introverted or shy or this experience is giving you anxiety, it might be a nice rest bit to have some time at a table with just your partner," Silver said. "Then you're not having to turn to a whole bunch of people between every speech and acknowledge it and chat about it and make conversation."

For some introverts, however, a sweetheart table might be more intimidating. If this is the case, consider sitting with those who put you at ease and lift your energy.

"Sit at a head table instead of a sweetheart table," Wintersteen said. "Sitting amongst the wedding party will create less of a spotlight than if you were to sit at a table alone with your spouse."

To speech or not to speech: It's up to you

Several experts said that speeches can be reimagined if the idea scares you. Perhaps make your speech short and sweet; pre-record the speech and show it as a video; have members of the wedding party speak instead; or simply limit how many people speak. Beyond that, you can exclude all speeches entirely.

Alternatively, "schedule speeches and toasts for the rehearsal dinner instead of the wedding," Wintersteen said. "Rehearsal dinners are typically a more intimate, smaller setting, so less people will be staring and it will be less awkward to get speeches out of the way the night before."

Add cute distractions

Having a companion dog can help ease couples' anxieties and serve as much-needed distractions. Shutterstock

No, pets and children are not props. But they are sneakily great additions to your wedding day if you're an introvert.

"When in doubt, add a dog or a kid to your wedding party," Skurnik said. "They always steal the show, in a good way."

In addition to distracting guests with cuteness overload, animals can help distract you too. White said having your companion or service animal be a part of your wedding day can help calm your nerves. If your venue allows this, your pet can be another member of your support system.

Cake cutting doesn't need to be on full display

Cutting the wedding cake is typically a pivotal part of a reception, sometimes with photo-ops of couples smashing cake into each other's faces. If this turns you off, you can work your way around it in a few different ways.

Do the cake cutting discreetly while your guests are busy eating or dancing. Wintersteen suggests that "instead of having everyone stare at you while you cut the cake, just have your planner grab you, your photographer, and your parents and go cut the cake."

Monus said you can forgo the tradition altogether.

"If you're nervous about cutting the cake in front of everyone, it's going to be on your mind all day, taking you out of the moment," she said, adding: "So, don't do the thing you don't want to do. I give you permission."

Tips and Wedding Ideas for Introverts

While some people dream of their wedding day their entire lives, for a lot of people, the thought of having all eyes on them, all day long, is a little… terrifying.

And hey, I totally feel you! I’m an introvert who wasn’t that excited about being the center of attention on my wedding day – and in a world that seems to be designed for extraverts at every turn, weddings are no different. There are speeches, dances, photos, crowds, vulnerability…. But it’s totally possible to have an amazing wedding day as an introvert, and I always encourage couples to toss out traditions that don’t fit them. Here are my tips for getting the most out of your day, and some wedding ideas for introverts!

Use Traditional Vows

For a lot of introverts, the idea of being in front of all those people brings on a little bit of stage fright – and that just increases when you add in the super emotional vulnerability of reading your vows! I recommend using the traditional “till death do us part” vows, and saving the more personal stuff for when you’re alone with your partner! You can write your own vows and share them with each other either before or after the ceremony – away from the audience.  

Do a First Look

The tradition of not seeing your spouse until you walk down the aisle is one that many couples have been forgoing for years. While I think a first look is a great choice for any couple, it can be an especially great idea for introverts! First looks happen before the ceremony – your photographer will position either you or your partner so that you can’t see the other, and then the other person will walk up behind them and tap them on the shoulder. The moment they turn around to see their almost-spouse for the first time is always so meaningful, and it makes for amazing photos!

But, more importantly, a private first look, away from your guests and your bridal party takes the pressure off and gives you a moment alone with your partner. So many couples say that their anxieties melted away after they saw each other for the first time on their wedding day, and if you do decide to do private vows, you can read them right after the first look!

Don’t Walk Down the Aisle Alone

Walking down the aisle is often one of the more stressful aspects of the wedding day for a lot of introverts! You know everyone’s watching, and adding a pair of high heels will only make things more precarious! There are different approaches and traditions to walking down the aisle – grooms often walk down alone, and brides are typically accompanied by their fathers.

To take some of the pressure off and make that aisle feel a little less long, I recommend having two people walk you down the aisle! Whether it’s both of your parents or two people who mean a lot to you, having people by your side for support can add so much confidence.

Less Dancing

One of my favorite wedding ideas for introverts is to make some adjustments to the reception – if hitting the dance floor isn’t your thing, you can plan some other activities to keep the party going! Board games are always a hit, and lawn games like cornhole or horseshoes are a lot of fun (and especially great for keeping kids entertained throughout the day). For smaller weddings, keeping things casual with a bonfire allows you to spend time with your guests, and you can even set up a s’mores bar and end the night relaxing by the fire.

If you still want to dance, there are still some tips and wedding ideas for introverts that will make it more enjoyable! The first dance together, along with parent/child dances seem to be something that a lot of introverts are anxious about. I know I was, so at my wedding, my dad and I had the first 30 seconds of our song to ourselves, and then the DJ invited other fathers and daughters to dance. We did the same thing with the mother and son dances, and this took the pressure off of us, and gave our guests the opportunity for a special moment with their families. 

Skip the Speeches

If you’re anxious about the thought of having people make speeches and being on the receiving end, it’s totally okay to skip the speeches! It’s a lot of pressure on you to feel like you need to give a good reaction and knowing that everyone’s watching is scary – so if you want to give your family and friends the opportunity to express their feelings without all the publicity, you can have them write letters to you so that you can read them after the wedding.

If you don’t mind other people giving speeches but you’re not keen on standing up to make your own, you can just skip the “thank you” speech. You can show your appreciation with thank you cards or party favors. And hey – your guests are likely getting a free dinner and drinks, they know you appreciate them!

Don’t be Afraid to Size Down

While it’s totally possible to be an introvert and still want to have a large wedding with all your loved ones, it’s also okay to keep things small! There can be a lot of pressure, from the wedding industry, from family, from friends, to throw a huge party – but if that just doesn’t feel right to you, you can elope, have a small backyard wedding, or just keep the guest list short. That can take a lot of the pressure off, and make you feel a lot more comfortable.

Forgo Anything that Doesn’t Work for You

With all the pressure to throw a party for everyone to enjoy, there’s also pressure to follow tradition. One of my favorite wedding ideas for introverts is simple – if you don’t want to do it, don’t! If the idea of a garter toss makes you feel uneasy, skip it! If you don’t want a bridal party, you don’t need one. Your wedding is supposed to be the best day of your life – so make sure it’s a day you get to enjoy.

Take Breaks

I know that as an introvert, I can feel when my battery is draining – so it’s important to take breaks from the crowd on your wedding day! When you’re writing up your wedding timeline, schedule some time for you and your partner to step away from your guests and take a moment to yourselves. Throughout the day, try to focus on your new spouse, and remember that this is what it’s really all about! 

Photos are a great opportunity (excuse) to get away from the crowd and take a minute to yourselves – and if you’re thinking being in front of the camera is just another stressor for the introverted, I get it! As a photographer, I think the most important part of my job is getting you comfortable and making sure your photos are a good time – not a chore. I know that while spending time with the people you love on your wedding day is incredible, it can also be a little exhausting! So during your photos, I won’t make you pose or force a smile. My approach is all about letting you be yourselves and have fun, while I just happen to be there with a camera! If you need a photographer who gets it, and who can give you more tips and wedding ideas for introverts along the way, contact me!

15 wedding ideas that introverts will definitely appreciate

A wedding is always an important and exciting event in the life of any person. But, it can be especially difficult for introverts who dream of minimizing stress and maximizing pleasure at a wedding. For everything to go perfectly, you need to stick to your own preferences and not let others decide for you.

The SUPER.UA editors have compiled a list of interesting wedding ideas for introverts.

Organize a brunch wedding

To add some restraint to this day and cozy atmosphere, organize a wedding in the form of an afternoon brunch, buffet or dinner with loved ones in the backyard of the house. This will help you gather only the main people and feel as comfortable as possible.

©Ibrahim Asad/Pexels

Invite only your best friends to your bachelorette party

Wedding planners are convinced that big bachelorette parties only create more trouble and chaos. Plus, the fewer opinions an introverted bride faces, the better. Invite only the closest friends you trust and love. nine0003

Create a contact list

Write down the phone numbers of all guests, contractors and wedding planners. Pass the list on to whoever is responsible to save you the hassle and calls.

Let the first meeting of the bride and groom take place before the ceremony

When the groom for the first time sees the bride in a wedding dress walking down the aisle, this causes terrible excitement among introverts. To avoid this, meet with your chosen one before the ceremony and let this moment take place in private. nine0003

Try to sit during the ceremony

As you know, introverts do not like to be the center of attention. Consider sitting rather than standing during your wedding ceremony. This will help you avoid feelings of anxiety and fear.

Rid yourself of public speeches

If you are afraid of public speaking and turn pale at the mere thought that all the guests will look at you - just exclude it from your wedding program. Instead, invite guests to write their wishes and parting words on paper and put them in a special box. nine0003 ©Terje Sollie/Pexels

Suggest topics for conversation

To avoid painful or embarrassing topics and memories, offer your guests options for discussion by placing interesting facts about the bride and groom on the tables. In addition, introverted guests will quickly find a common language.

Come up with casual games

An interesting wedding game that even an introvert will enjoy is Guess Who. Simply cut out a photo of each guest and take a fun quiz to help them get to know each other better. nine0003 ©Min An/Pexels

Find an alternative to dancing

Some people find dancing at a wedding very interesting, but not for introverts. Try to find a suitable alternative to dancing, for example, organize board games and creative competitions.

Do not separate from the guests at the table

To avoid feeling uncomfortable, sit next to your close friends and relatives. This will help you feel surrounded by comfort and warmth.

©Natasha Fernandez/Pexels

Create a relaxing retreat

Create a cozy space with soft chairs and cushions where you and each of your guests can take a break from the wedding bustle.

Find a special place for you and your lover where you can hide from everyone

Before the wedding, choose a quiet place where you and your spouse can hide from all the guests when you need a moment to “reset”. It can be a garden, a backyard, a bathroom, or just a room in the house where you can spend 10-15 minutes alone, and then return to your party with renewed vigor. nine0003 ©Inna Lesyk/Pexels

Invite guests to join your first dance

Who said that guests can't join the first dance of young people? Let everyone dance, it will help you feel at ease and relaxed.

Postpone your honeymoon

Don't rush into your honeymoon right after your wedding or you risk feeling exhausted. Take some time to relax, and then, filled with new energy, feel free to take plane tickets. nine0003

After the wedding, relax with a good book

Reading will help an introvert recover after a hectic and fun wedding. Pick a favorite book ahead of time to enjoy before bed.

Use the ideas mentioned above to create a comfortable environment for your wedding.

  • See also: 7 films that will help you understand men better

How to organize a wedding if you are an introvert: instruction

A noisy and lavish wedding is not for everyone. If you quickly get tired of a large number of people, we suggest thinking about a chamber wedding. Wedding tells you what to look for when planning such a ceremony.

1. Be honest with yourself

"Let's invite a thousand guests and have a noisy party!" - this may be the first thought when organizing a wedding. But think about it, do you really want this? Loud music, a lot of people - you will need to give everyone at least a few minutes. Decide for yourself, but only honestly. You can even make a list of exactly what you DON'T want at your ceremony (and burn it!)

2. Don't get hung up on other people's opinions

Don't rely on other people's advice. If your relatives insist that the wedding happens only once and everything must be held at the highest level, calmly explain to them that such a ceremony does not suit you. You don't need all the extended family at your wedding, friends of friends, and co-workers you saw ten years ago. This day is yours and only yours. So it's up to you to decide how it goes. nine0003

3. Don't refuse help

Delegate! After all, one cannot cope with everything. It is best, of course, to contact the agency so that they plan everything from and to, based on your wishes. If you still decide to do it yourself, get reliable helpers. Your girlfriends, groomsmen, parents will do quite well with some tasks.

4. Make your own guest list

Consider who you would really like to see at your ceremony. These should be those people with whom you would be comfortable to spend the whole day. And do not be embarrassed - chamber weddings are gaining popularity! In addition, it is much easier to organize them, and they turn out to be more sincere.

5. Do not refuse congratulatory speeches

At the wedding, it is customary to publicly congratulate the newlyweds, speeches can also be made by the bride and groom.

Learn more