Feeling close to someone
Emotional Attachment: 4 Things to Know
Emotional attachment refers to the feelings of closeness and affection that help sustain meaningful relationships over time.
Emotional attachment refers to the feelings of closeness and affection that help sustain meaningful relationships over time.
Attachment plays an important role in human connection. The earliest bonds you form with parents and family members can guide and shape the attachments you develop to friends and romantic partners later in life.
You can become emotionally attached to people even without romantic or sexual attraction. Simply feeling close to someone helps you bond and increases your sense of connection.
This attachment might help you feel safe, comfortable, happy, maybe even somewhat euphoric in their company.
Some level of attachment is healthy and normal in relationships. But how can you tell if you’re too attached? What do you do if that happens? Can you develop attachments to places or things?
We’ve got answers to these questions (and more) below.
There are different types of emotional attachment, some healthier than others. Each type of attachment serves a different purpose and can lead to different outcomes.
Secure attachment
Secure attachment is one of the most common types of emotional attachment. It develops when you feel comfortable with someone and confident in their ability to meet your needs. The bond you share is strong, and you’re able to rely on each other both physically and emotionally.
Anxious attachment
A subtype of insecure attachment, anxious attachment develops when you’re constantly worried that your partner may leave you or won’t be there when you need them. This can lead to clinginess and needy behavior.
Avoidant attachment
Avoidant attachment is another subtype of insecure attachment. It develops when you’re unwilling or unable to get close to someone. You might distance yourself emotionally or physically from your partner. This can lead to feelings of rejection and loneliness.
Disorganized attachment
Disorganized attachment is a third and less common subtype of insecure attachment. It’s characterized by mixed feelings of approach and avoidance toward your partner. This can lead to feelings of confusion, fear, and anxiety in relationships.
Lasting love relies on healthy attachment to flourish, but attachment and love aren’t exactly the same.
Your emotional attachment to romantic partners and friends helps these relationships thrive over time. Without attachment, you might feel driven to seek a new partner when the first intense feelings of love fade, or a new best friend after a disagreement.
Oxytocin, a natural hormone that promotes bonding and trust, contributes to the development of attachment. In other words, it helps create a sense of security in the first stages of a new relationship.
Other hormones come into play in the early stages of romantic love, contributing to the desire, euphoria, and tension most people experience when falling in love.
The intensity of these emotions often fades in time, but attachment lingers, helping you feel safe and secure and promoting feelings of lasting love.
Consider the driving factors
A key difference between attachment and love lies in the factors behind them.
Generally, you don’t love someone because of what they can do or provide. You love them regardless of these things, simply because they’re who they are.
Sure, romantic relationships do fulfill important needs, but relationships based on love involve mutual giving and support. You don’t love someone simply because they meet your needs.
Attachment, in contrast, can develop when needs for intimacy, companionship, validation, or anything else go unfulfilled. When you find someone who fulfills those needs, you might develop a strong attachment to them.
Everyone has needs, and everyone wants to get those needs met. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a partner who fulfills important needs.
But it’s important to know how to meet these needs yourself, as well. Depending on someone else to “complete” you can create difficulties for you both.
Emotional attachment can sometimes get a little too intense and become more of an emotional dependency. This dependency can negatively affect the relationship and your well-being.
The following signs can suggest a potentially unhealthy level of attachment.
You rely on their approval
If you struggle with self-validation and self-confidence, you might define your worth by how others see you. In an unhealthy attachment, your sense of self-worth may totally depend on your partner’s regard.
When you disagree or experience other conflict, this might entirely disrupt your perception of yourself. You might believe they hate you and no longer support your needs.
As a result, you might feel hurt, empty, anxious, or depressed, and your self-esteem might diminish.
These feelings can persist until they show they still care about you, whether that’s giving a gift, offering physical affection, or complimenting you.
This can become a dangerous dynamic because people with toxic or abusive traits may intentionally manipulate your needs and feelings to control the relationship and keep you dependent on them.
You’ve lost your sense of self
When you believe you need someone and can’t live without them, you might find yourself doing whatever it takes to secure their affection and support long-term.
Little by little, you might begin changing your habits, interests, and behaviors until they align more with those of your partner.
A partner might push you to do this in a toxic or abusive dynamic, but it’s important to understand that unhealthy attachments don’t only happen in abusive relationships. You might find yourself remolding your identity to match your partner’s on your own, even somewhat unconsciously.
The end result is often similar, however. You and your partner become more of a unit, and you lose sight of who you really are.
It’s important to share some things with friends and partners, but it’s just as important to spend some time apart and maintain your own interests.
You don’t know how to function without them
Depending on someone else to meet your needs often means you have trouble meeting them on your own.
Attachments typically develop for this very reason. If you don’t feel secure, loved, or accepted on your own, you’ll look for someone who can offer comfort and security and help you feel less alone.
Unfortunately, relying too much on support from someone else doesn’t teach you how to meet these needs yourself.
If the relationship or friendship doesn’t work out, or other commitments or relationships temporarily prevent that person from meeting your needs, you might feel completely at a loss.
“What would I do without them?” you might wonder. Your fear of losing them might become so intense it manifests in problematic behaviors, like digging into their past or keeping constant tabs on their social media activity.
The relationship is unbalanced
Healthy relationships demonstrate balance and interdependence.
Interdependence represents a middle ground between independence and dependence. Interdependent partners can fulfill many of their own emotional needs, but they also feel comfortable turning to each other when in need of support.
Partners who are fully independent might have trouble reaching out to each other when they need help, while a dependent partner might always ask for help instead of trying to handle things on their own.
In an unhealthy attachment, one person typically looks to another for emotional support, usually without offering much in return. The partner who consistently provides support without getting what they need may feel drained, resentful, and unsupported.
When to be concerned
Recognizing unhealthy attachment behaviors in yourself is the first step in making changes. Signs of attachment disorders may vary based on the type of attachment disorder.
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) may cause the following symptoms:
- avoiding or being unable to form close relationships
- inability to experience positive emotion
- expressing anger toward or withdrawing from those who try to get close to you
If you recognize these patterns, ask yourself whether your attachment is causing problems in your life or relationships.
If you believe your attachment to someone is less than healthy, you can do a few things to address this yourself.
First, consider some potential reasons behind insecure attachment, such as:
- fear of being alone
- emptiness and insecurity when not in a relationship
- vaguely defined sense of self
Once you have a better idea of these underlying triggers, you can begin exploring solutions:
- Dedicating some time to self-discovery can help you reconnect with your personal identity.
- Creating time for yourself to do things you enjoy can help alone time feel more rewarding than scary.
- Working to build and strengthen positive relationships with friends and family can help you feel secure even without a romantic partner.
Keep in mind, though, attachment issues often begin in childhood. Your earliest relationships can have a huge impact on how you form bonds as an adult. Insecure attachments to caregivers can result in patterns that keep repeating in your relationships.
These patterns can be hard to address on your own, but support from a mental health professional can help.
In therapy, you can:
- work to understand your attachment style
- learn healthier relationship skills
- develop a stronger sense of self
- explore helpful strategies for meeting your own needs
Below are some frequently asked questions about emotional attachment.
What is an emotional attachment?
An emotional attachment is a strong, loving connection between two people. It can be between friends, family members, or romantic partners.
What are the different types of emotional attachment?
There are three main types of emotional attachments: secure, anxious, and avoidant. There’s also a newer, fourth type called disorganized. Secure attachment represents a healthy balance of independence and dependence, while anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles are less healthy and may be characterized by fear of abandonment or difficulty trusting others.
What are the signs of an unhealthy emotional attachment?
There are several signs that your emotional attachment to someone might be less than healthy. These include feeling anxious or lonely when your partner or friends are busy, worrying they may leave you, and giving up your own plans to accommodate them.
How can I break an unhealthy emotional attachment?
If you believe your attachment to someone is less than healthy, you can do a few things to address this yourself. First, consider some potential reasons behind the attachment, such as fear of being alone or insecurity.
Once you have a better idea of these underlying triggers, you can begin exploring solutions, such as dedicating some time to self-discovery or working to build positive relationships with other people. However, keep in mind that attachment issues often begin in childhood and can be hard to address on your own. Support from a mental health professional can help.
Emotional attachments are a normal aspect of human relationships.
Friends and loved ones provide emotional support, which can have a positive impact on physical and mental health.
Asking yourself if you offer emotional support as well as receive it can help you determine whether your attachments are mostly healthy.
Have you noticed some signs of unhealthy attachment in your relationships? A therapist can offer guidance and support as you begin exploring these patterns.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.
How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone
What is an emotional connection?
An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities.
Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.
"Just like children, adults need to feel a secure attachment to another adult," couples therapist Josie Rosario, LMSW, MSed, explains to mbg. "That means it's important for us to know that someone will be consistently available, especially in time of physical or emotional needs."
Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. "As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival," adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. "It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being."
Signs of an emotional connection
1.
You care about each other's needs and desires
You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours.
"When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy," therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. "The fulfillment of one's desire is a major part of being happy. Therefore, an emotional connection to someone naturally results in you wanting them to get the things they want in life."
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2.
You share openly
When you have an emotional connection with someone, you feel comfortable sharing your values, beliefs, and dreams with each other so you can support and champion one another.
Ask yourself these questions: Are you speaking freely? Are there things that you hold back from the conversation? If you feel nervous that you will scare them away by revealing too much; take note of that emotion and question why you're hesitating to open up.
3.
You don't just hear each other; you really listen
When your partner comes to you with troubles or concerns, you find yourself creating space for them to air it out.
By stopping activity—turning off the game or putting your cellphone away—and diverting your full attention to them, it helps your partner fully open up. The same goes for when you're the one who needs help.
If we don't feel heard, it can lead to feelings of shame or abandonment. Active listening demonstrates a real emotional connection. "Active listening includes being present with and paying attention to the person talking, as well as demonstrating you are listening through eye contact and head nods," Grosso says.
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4.
You know each other deeply
You don't just engage in the superficial aspects of someone's personality. You take it a step further, giving someone access to the parts of yourself that you typically reserve for your loved ones. People searching for an emotional connection want depth and to sincerely know their partner, flaws and all.
After you share the embarrassing childhood memories, over time, the sharing gets deeper and deeper, leading to mutual trust, respect, and deep understanding. "You're able to be vulnerable and share deeper parts of yourself," Rosario explains.
5.
You're interested in each other's hobbies, even if you don't "get" it
"Your partner's interests may not be things that you are naturally drawn to, but when we have an emotional connection to someone, we often find ourselves wanting to at least educate ourselves about someone of their interests as a way to be closer to them," Pinnock explains.
For example, your partner loves experimental music and going out to shows every weekend. While it's not your favorite music, you still tag along because you want to spend time with them, even though you don't quite understand it. It may seem like a small effort, but those small acts are the very building blocks you need to nurture a strong relationship. By taking an active interest in each other's hobbies—asking them about it or planning dates you know they will love—it's another way you're demonstrating, I see you.
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6.
It's all about the little details
They know what you like in your coffee order (and yes, your oat milk preferences) and how your cat always wakes you up in the morning at 4 a.m. They're legitimately invested in your day-to-day life.
According to Pinnock, "You're not only curious about things that have happened to them over their lifetime; you're interested in their daily, mundane experiences. What they ate for lunch that day, what their annoying co-worker said. Knowing the little details of our partner's life strengthens emotional connection because it helps to build intimacy, trust, and familiarity."
7.
It's a judgment-free zone
"You both know how to help the other feel seen and heard, without judgment. Instead of jumping in with problem-solving and 'fixing' their emotions, you use validating statements that hold space for their emotional experience—whether it's pleasant or painful," says Grosso.
It's scary to put yourself out there and not know how the other person will respond. That's why it's so much sweeter when those very emotions are received and accepted with care.
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8.
You can find the silver lining in conflict
"Having an emotional connection does not mean you won't disagree or have conflict. It is important to learn how to stay present, cope with emotional flooding, and be respectful during conflict," explains Grosso.
Confrontation can be intense, but if you both want the relationship to work, you both take it as a creative challenge. You know it doesn't have to be contentious but instead serves as an opportunity to have a constructive interaction and address issues that can improve the relationship. By being honest with each other, it helps you develop deeper levels of trust, which improves intimacy.
"Pro tips: Use lots of 'I' language, validation, and learn how to apologize well," advises Grosso.
9.
You are sympathetic to their experiences
"If you care for someone and the two of you have an emotional connection, you care what happens to them and in a lot of ways," Pinnock says. "What happens to them happens to you." Having this perspective will squarely put you two together on the same team, adding more intensity to your shared bond.
10.
It's truly a 50/50 partnership
Relationships can only flourish if there's an equal effort by both parties. You can tell if you are the only one putting in all of the effort. It will feel like a one-way relationship...because it is. With you both putting in equivalent time and effort, it will strengthen the bond.
11.
You feel seen and understood
They finish your sentences. You can have a full conversation with one look. Communication is easy and, for the most part, effortless. That's because, when you have an emotional connection, "you actually like each other, your values align, and you share a lot of similarities," says Rosario.
12.
You know yourself well
"Before you can develop an emotional connection with someone else, you need to have one with yourself. This means you are able to identify and name your emotions, needs, and desires," Grosso explains. It's hard to feel an emotional connection to someone when you don't understand your own emotions and values.
To be emotionally connected with your own core values is to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware. By having this deep sense of knowing what you want and don't want, it will help you stay grounded and not easily sway in the face of someone else's preferences.
How important is an emotional connection in a relationship?
Relationships cannot thrive without an emotional connection between the partners. "An emotional connection is of the utmost importance in a relationship. Think of it as the anchor in the relationship that allows a partnership to weather any storm and sail seamlessly on calm waters," asserts Rosario.
"We are hardwired for connection, and as such, it makes us feel safe and secure, like we are seen, heard, and taken in."
Simply said, without an emotional connection, we can't get close to someone. To get started, here's how to emotionally connect with someone, plus what to do when you don't feel connected to your partner. By understanding the signals that cultivate a true bond—or detract from it—this will help us invite and invest in growth-oriented relationships that will only serve our highest self.
Formula of love: how does a real feeling appear?
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Man and woman Know thyself
Mankind has been struggling for many centuries to unravel the formula of love, trying to understand why the presence of a particular person can turn our life around, why we fall in love with some and do not notice others, and whether it is possible to make someone fall in love us. There are still no answers to these questions. Nevertheless, science has advanced far in studying the mechanisms of love.
For example, I found out who we fall in love with more often. nine0003
So, the biologist Klaus Wedekind found a direct link between attraction and smell. As it turns out, we are drawn to those whose immune systems are different from ours. That is, nature gives us a signal - the offspring with this partner will be strong and beautiful. Therefore, the color of the hair, the shape of the eyes and lips, the natural smell, the pitch of the voice - all these physical features can become "identification marks" for the ideal partner, the most genetically harmonious couple.
Another important nuance in the birth of love is an emotional connection. Love arises from a feeling of closeness, which can be even stronger than physical attraction. And to better determine compatibility, you just need to show who you really are as quickly and honestly as possible. How to understand that your new relationship has a future? nine0003
Do opposites attract?
Are we more often attracted to "kindred spirits" or are we constantly confronted with our own antipodes? Experts believe that warm relationships are best formed by people who are similar to each other.
This feeling of closeness, a certain similarity, warms up the relationship. “Shared views contribute to a better understanding of each other,” says psychologist Gian Gonzaga of the University of California. “And disagreements in the future become the cause of only a growing misunderstanding on both sides, which will have to be overcome all the time.” nine0003
Opposites can indeed attract thanks to Michelangelo's phenomenon. Just as we define the ideal of a future partner, we also create an image of an ideal self and sometimes unconsciously look for someone who would help us “sculpt” perfection out of ourselves. And we fall in love with a person who contains all the qualities that we lack in ourselves.
Attractive flaws
“Each of us, as a teenager, formed for ourselves a set of those traits of character of other people, their values, preferences and behavior towards us that attract us,” says anthropologist Helen Fisher, “but at the same time these traits don't have to be nice.
Imagine a girl whose alcoholic father has thrown her life into chaos—she decides she will never marry such a man. Having matured, she does not choose an impulsive alcoholic as her husband, but marries a constantly busy actor. What was she looking for in a partner? She will not say that spontaneity, but she is so used to it. It's part of her ideal." nine0003
Falling in love, we may not notice the negative qualities of a partner, but with age and experience our judgment will become more accurate and deep. “We can draw conclusions from small notes and guesses, based on the experience gained,” explains Gian Gonzaga. “For example, after breaking up after a long relationship or marriage, you are likely to feel insecure on a date, but you will have the experience to avoid problems and mistakes in a new relationship.”
Love does not tolerate fuss? nine0013
We don't always fall in love at first sight, the feeling may come later. More often than not, sincere and strong relationships take time to develop.
“Katya and I got jobs in the same company a month apart, and I immediately had the feeling that we could become good friends, but she worked in a different department,” Ivan recalls. - Once we met with her at a meeting, and I noticed in her purse a book by my favorite author. I asked her how she was, and her eyes lit up. Thus began our first conversation. nine0003
“Getting to know each other is an exciting event, because it is an instant assessment of each other. It is important not only to boldly declare your interests and tastes, but also to try to delve into others. This can be key in nascent relationships, as people tend to think that their view of the world is the only correct one, says Gian Gonzaga. “So it’s not surprising when we immediately like a person who agrees with our opinion even more.”
Why doesn't it work?
There can be many reasons why relationships do not work out, and all of them, of course, are individual. But if it seemed to you that you had found the perfect couple, but the union did not work out, you may recognize yourself in these situations.
nine0003
You have similar flaws
Sometimes we meet people with whom we formally have a lot in common, we pursue similar goals and are proud of similar achievements, but on an intuitive level we feel some kind of flaw in them. Why is this happening? “We often project past experiences onto new people,” explains psychotherapist Toby Inham. “We have a tendency to interpret the behavior of others using our own ideas about life, filtering events through the filter of our experience – all this is the influence of our unconscious script.” nine0003
Antipathy can come from recognizing your own shortcomings in the person being rejected. For example, a woman who constantly refuses men because they are "too cute." In fact, it is her fear of looking weak that makes her suspect this quality in other people and judge them for it.
You are afraid to open up
We always try to please new acquaintances and make a good impression. For example, we come up with interesting hobbies for ourselves to attract attention at a party.
This type of manipulation is usually harmless. Such people can be called approval seekers - they immediately calculate what the interlocutor likes and adjust to his expectations and needs. nine0003
Approval hunters easily adapt in a group, immediately endearing the members of the team to themselves. But when it comes to building deeper relationships, those who seek approval have a hard time: close, intimate communication is difficult for them. Their ability to quickly adapt to other people hides those of their true traits that they do not want to reveal. In a relationship, they are distrustful and suspicious, which prevents them from opening up to a loved one.
But in order to experience real feelings, you need to show your face. Only in this way will you be able to understand whether you are really suitable for each other. nine0003
Text: Sergey Ivanov Photo Source: Getty Images
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Why are you afraid of close relationships and can something be done about it
Intimacy is different - intellectual, emotional, sexual. Intimacy implies the ability and desire to share one's thoughts, emotions, feelings and innermost experiences, to allow another person to one's body. There are people who are extremely it is difficult to trust yourself to someone . They are afraid to open up, to show real feelings - and there are various reasons for this.
Karine Avanesyan
practicing psychologist, member of the Monstars influencer team
— Fear of intimacy is a paradoxical phenomenon. On the one hand, everyone wants to find a person who is similar in spirit and share a feeling of love and affection with him. On the other hand, as soon as a person appears on the horizon with whom intimacy is possible, the first begins to panic and reject. nine0072
Someone who avoids intimacy is called a counter-addict. Counterdependence is dependence on independence.
Possible reasons for fear of close relationships
You have been betrayed or deceived Perhaps there is no person who did not get burned one day, trusting and opening up to someone too much. After deceit, neglect of feelings, betrayal, our brain remembers that excessive emotional openness leads to pain. Therefore, he tries with all his might to avoid repeating this experience.
Surely you have experienced a feeling of "internal" pain after a quarrel or a difficult breakup. It didn’t seem to you that for the human brain there is no difference between physical pain and moral pain. nine0003
You don't trust people
You were offended in childhood, loved ones mocked you - the reasons can be different. If you are a hypersensitive person, even a minor remark could cause you serious injury and cause you to avoid intimacy in the future.
You are afraid of judgment or ridicule
You avoid intimacy because you are ashamed of your real self, your emotions, appearance, attitudes, beliefs. At some point, you decided for yourself that it is easier to close yourself off from everyone than to constantly expect condemnation or ridicule. nine0003
You are afraid of being abandoned
Usually this fear comes from early childhood. The child is left alone for a long time, they do not have time to pick him up from the kindergarten at the usual time, they forget about him - and the kid is horrified that the parent supposedly left him forever.
Such an experience can pass without a trace, or it can leave a deep mark and affect adult life.
You are afraid that you will cease to exist as a person
You have long and carefully shaped yourself as a person and now you are afraid that someone will “destroy” you at one moment. Fear of being controlled. The fear of being "absorbed" by another person appears due to self-doubt. It seems to you that you do not have enough energy to be on an equal footing with another person.
Karine Avanesyan
practicing psychologist, member of the Monstars influencer team
— Man is a social being. In childhood, parents swaddle us, wash, hug, cradle. The process of birth and growing up of a baby implies close contact, the baby cannot survive without parental care. It turns out that from childhood we are accustomed to contact, to tactility, we need "stroking" - physical and psychological.
Everyone needs support, care, affection and love. This is how we are. nine0072
The reasons for the fear of intimacy lie in childhood. The parent is the most important person in a child's life, and it is from the parents that the child learns love, intimacy, emotionality, tactility. A counter-dependent person could be rejected, ignored, or he did not have an emotional connection with his parents. Because of this, the child received a psychological trauma that he would never want to experience again. Now he lives according to the scenario: “I will be the first to reject my partner so that he does not have time to leave me and I do not experience that pain again.” nine0072
How to understand that you are afraid of intimacy
Fear of intimacy can be experienced by both very open and sociable people, and closed ones. Here are signs that indicate that you are afraid of intimacy:
You go on dates without commitment
Meetings without obligations seem to you a good alternative to a serious relationship.
You often change partners, while avoiding talking about the future and feelings. You prefer an anonymous sex dating app to Tinder - you don't want to contact people who are planning something serious. You say you want to live for today, but sometimes you realize that you are deceiving yourself. nine0003
You have isolated yourself from people
And it's not about self-isolation because of the coronavirus. You do not try to establish connections, communicate, avoid any communication other than forced, for example, at work. It seems to you that no one can understand you, so there is no point in wasting energy.
It's hard for you to explain what you want
Because of this, the relationship does not last long. Partners do not know how to read minds, and it is difficult for you to express your desires and needs. In this way, you can push away a person who will eventually leave you without understanding the reason. nine0003
You feel that you do not deserve attention and support
Low self-esteem, neglect of oneself as a person leads to ignorance of real needs.
Perhaps you want warmth and emotional closeness, but you think that you do not deserve it.
You avoid sex
under various pretexts. You've convinced yourself that you don't feel like it or that sex is an unnecessary cost of communication. In fact, it is difficult for you to open up to another person. nine0003
Karine Avanesyan
practicing psychologist, member of the Monstars influencer team
— When someone by his actions or words recognizes and shows the importance of the counter-dependent for himself, it seems to him that he is being strangled. He begins to avoid meetings, moves away and behaves coldly. Interestingly, from intimacy and love, such a person really becomes hard and even physically ill.
The counter-addict is in a trap: on the one hand, he is afraid of intimacy and runs away from it so as not to suffer as much as in childhood, and on the other hand, he wants intimacy because he feels lonely.
But he cannot afford it. nine0072
As a rule, people who have a fear of intimacy are successful professionals, workaholics and perfectionists. Why do these people go into perfectionism and strive to be perfect? They are driven by the fear of rejection. To protect himself, a person tries to be perfect.
The counterdependent seeks not to depend on anyone and to provide himself with everything he needs. He is financially independent, he feels great alone, even locked up. He doesn't need someone else. nine0072
The usual feelings of a counter-addict: anxiety, self-aggression (aggression directed at himself), feeling that he can do more and better.
Coping
Each case is individual, so the best solution is to find a therapist or psychologist with whom you will be comfortable solving the problem. Compassion for yourself and acceptance of your feelings is the first step towards overcoming the fear of intimacy.
