Introvert parent extroverted child
Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids
Last week we talked about some of the challenges and issues involved in raising an introverted child in an extroverted world. But what if the opposite is true? What if you’re an introvert who somehow has managed to give birth to an extrovert? Or two? Parenting—even with all its joys and rewards—can also be unbelievably draining, most especially if you are an introvert with a child whose needs for interaction far exceed your own.
My own family is comprised of three introverts and one lonely extrovert, so it has been a huge shift in education and focus for us to step out of our own preferences and learn to meet that child’s needs. Meeting our introverted child’s needs was clearly a no-brainer, but that extroverted kid—well, he was a different story. It involved a radical internal shift and some extreme self-protection maneuvers.
Again, one of the first things to understand about the extroverted child is that he needs and craves interaction as much as you need and crave solitude. Just as you need solitude to process and think and recharge—your extroverted child needs social interaction to do the very same. That is what his system requires to recharge his batteries and allow him to operate at optimum performance levels. However, to an introvert, the constant chatter as they interpret and process their experiences and thoughts and feelings can feel like an all out assault.
It is important to remember that they are not being overly demanding. At least not by their standards. They will feel drained and overwhelmed if they are kept from being able to socialize and share.
Extroverted children:
- Are gregarious and outgoing.
- Love to be around lots of people and other kids.
- Prefer playing in groups.
- Do not feel they have fully experienced something until they’ve shared it with others.
- Talk a lot.
- Find being alone extremely isolating and difficult.
- Do not generally enjoy solitary activities.
- Share.
A lot. About everything. - Do not really get why anyone might want to be alone.
Being the parents, it falls on us to meet the kid’s needs. But being introverts, we can’t do this effectively unless we replenish our batteries on a regular basis. And clearly our coping strategies will depend on the age of the child: the baby that loves to be held all the time; the toddler who follow you everywhere, a constant stream of toddler-babble; the two year old who seems to be constitutionally unable to let you have two minutes peace, will all have different approaches.
As parents, it is our job to meet their very legitimate needs, but it is also our job to socialize them, and part of that can include learning to respect those who have different needs. Plus, you won’t be able to parent optimally unless you yourself have a chance to collect some energy. By insisting on a small recharging break each day, you may well be a much better, more effective, and certainly saner parent.
The Introverted Parent's Guide to Raising an Extroverted Child
The key is to give your little extrovert plenty of chances to fly while maintaining your sanity as an introvert.
We’ve already been grocery shopping this morning. We’vealready laid out her birthday party plan. We’ve played with little brother. We’ve made lunch together. We’ve had a picnic in our yard. We’ve had a dance party. We’ve video chatted with friends and family. We’ve done schoolwork together. Yet, as I click on the tea kettle, announcing my need for some downtime, she asks me if she can go to her cousin’s house.
“Nope,” I answer. “I’m kinda done for right now. Maybe tomorrow we can play with him.”
To which she replies by pouting and then asking,
“Can Maga (her name for Grandma) take me to Owen’s house?”
“Sure,” I shrug. “If she’s up for it. Do you wanna call her?”
A few minutes later, Maga has agreed to pick her up and my kiddo lets out a shriek of joy and practically flies to her room to get dressed: sparkly leggings to match her dress and face paint to match both, and of course, her light-up shoes.
Then she parks herself next to me at the table and asks, as she bounces up and down:
“Mommy, can I put some cool music on?” Cool music is her term for upbeat, dance-style music.
I roll my eyes without letting her see.
“Sweetie, I just want some quiet. You can play music later when little brother wakes up.”
For the next half hour, she bounces on that seat and waits as patiently as she can. I offer to do something with her to pass the time: color, read a book, work on some math problems. Nope. She’s too excited. Occasionally she gets up and starts twirling and hopping around the living room, letting out high-pitched squeals of delight. She’s going with Grandma, who she sees almost every day, to see her cousins who live just a few minutes away — but she might as well be going to Disney World.
My MIL swings by to pick her up. After waving goodbye, I sit down at the kitchen table and pick up my mug of tea. I let out a contented sigh and lean back in my chair.
Peace. I can think. I can hear myself think. I can just be.
Life as an Introverted Mom
This is my life as an introverted mom living with an extroverted child. She seems always ready to meet people, to be the center of attention, to get dressed and go out. I love that about her. I love the way she loves people and her confidence in interacting with kids her own age. She was born that way; I certainly did not have much to do with it. She is my little social butterfly, and I love her for it.
But every day brings a new challenge.
Of course, this was before COVID-19 and the quarantine. This was when I could still plan playdates and go to the library or the park or the movies. Social distancing seemed like a godsend until I realized I was trapped with an extroverted child who only had me as her social interaction.
How to Raise an Extroverted Child
So, here are some things I’m learning about being an introverted mom raising an extroverted child:
1.
Understand how their extroversion manifests.For my daughter, the time spent waiting to attend a social event is an event onto itself. Music is blasting. She’s asking about everyone who will be there. And she’s already planning how she will make her big entrance. I know this now, so instead of getting frustrated, I let her be…in her room…with the door closed.
2. Have a half hour or so every day of uninterrupted time with them doing something they want to do.
Especially now that she has no one else to play with, it’s so important for me to play with her. She needs that social interaction. She needs the back and forth of conversation, eye contact, and feeling heard.
I can see the difference in her attitude and behavior. On days I’m too busy and she’s on the computer a lot, she acts up and acts out. I used to think she was just doing it on purpose, but now I believe it’s her cry for help; her cry for social interaction. On days when we spend a chunk of time playing, doing crafts, baking, or dancing, she is the mellowest kid in the world.
3. Have quiet time every day.
I used to feel guilty about screen time, but now that my kid is too old to nap AND I have a baby, my kid gets to watch a movie or play Minecraft while I read and have a cup of tea. As an introvert, if I don’t have this time every day, I’m the one who starts to act out. I start resenting every little thing the kids do and I find myself yelling more and listening less. My quiet time is my secret weapon to being a better mom and overall human being. And it’s hopefully teaching my kid that even extroverts need some downtime.
4. Celebrate everything!
I’ve learned to just keep birthday candles and sprinkles and ice cream always on hand. We celebrate the end of our work/school week with a special dinner and dessert. We celebrate the beginning of the seasons and every holiday (like National Donut Day!).
There’s something about a big, shared experience that fills my kiddo’s heart. I’m thinking it’s the same reason some people love concerts and night clubs; something about everyone they love together having a good time at the same time.
And it helps me too: Celebrations help me stay focused on all the good things in my life, especially now when there’s so much bad news in the world.
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5. Don’t shame them for being who they are.
I had an extroverted mom who loved me but made me feel bad about being an introvert. She always tried to get me to be less shy and more charming.
(Here are some more things you should never do to an introverted child.)
So from the time my daughter could carry on a conversation, I have tried to explain that some people like Mommy sometimes need quiet to feel better. Some people like her need to be around people and music to feel better. She is free to tell me when she needs to play with someone (it’s usually me these days), and I will tell her when I need quiet.
6. Have something to look forward to.
Especially during quarantine, it’s been nice to look forward to our weekly special dinners.
But we also look forward to camp-in nights, Daddy’s crepe nights, and movie nights.
I have learned — at least in the case of my little extrovert — she is not intrinsically motivated to get things done. It seems there must always be a reason for doing the things she considers mundane and boring. For me, I like to get my work done for its own sake; I love the feeling of a finished task. But if I need to get my kid to pick up her toys or do her schoolwork, there needs to be a reward at the end for her. So having special nights or trips or activities to look forward to helps with that.
It’s a Constant Act of Love and Learning
My husband and I knew when my daughter was 6 months old and happy to hang with complete strangers in the church nursery — without so much as a glance back at us — that she was going to have no problem socializing. There are days when I wonder if I’m giving her enough social interaction — especially in the winter or days when I get sick or need to get housework or computer work done.
But my part in being her mom has been giving her plenty of chances to fly while keeping my sanity.
I’m praying that she’s learning how to be kinder to the introverts around her. I’m praying that she is seeing that introverts may be quiet but they are also intelligent, talented, strong, creative, and active because she’s watching her mommy be all these things.
I’m also hoping she’s learning to be kind to herself as an extrovert; that there is a place and time to dance and sing and blast music and celebrate life without fear of judgment. It’s a constant balancing act of love and learning — for both of us.
Are you an introvert parenting an extrovert? What works for you? Let me know in the comments below.
You might like:
- 15 Things You Should Never Do to Your Introverted Child
- If You Beat Yourself Up for Being an Introverted Mom, Read This
- How to Stay Sane When You’re an Introvert Working from Home… with Kids
My child is an introvert [How to identify hidden talents and prepare for life in society] Introvert parents and extrovert children. My child is an introvert [How to reveal hidden talents and prepare for life in society] WikiReading
My child is an introvert [How to identify hidden talents and prepare for life in society]
Laney Marty
Content
Introverted parents and extroverted children
Introverted parents raising an extroverted child remind me of people who grabbed the tiger by the tail. This is approximately how Jacqueline Bouvier felt when she married a typical representative of the crazy Kennedy clan and gave birth to two children. Jacqueline had a lot in common with her introverted daughter Caroline, but her relationship with her extroverted son John didn't work out at all. Biographers of Jacqueline Kennedy have written about how hard it was to subdue his incredible penchant for risky behavior.
Introverted parents may view their extroverted children as hyperactive, noisy, moody, superficial, and bossy. It seems to them that children strive to squeeze an incredible mass of all sorts of things into their day, to embrace the immensity. Parents can't even set reasonable limits, as they run out of steam long before their child feels tired.
The active activity of the extroverted child, combined with his extreme irascibility, makes the introverted parent feel as if he is spinning at a furious speed on a merry-go-round. “You said that in half an hour we would go home. Hasn't half an hour passed yet?" The verbal flow of "outdoor" can overload the brain of an introverted parent to the point of losing the ability to think. “Wait, stop, I can’t think of anything!” A parent who tends to be contemplative and quiet may eventually decide that the child is simply using him. "Irene is only needed as a chauffeur and personal secretary."
On the contrary, the extrovert child feels that he is constrained and limited, and his parents are aware of this.
“My daughter is annoyed by my calmness,” the introverted father admits. She feels that we are very different. My daughter is offended that I cannot attend all the dance competitions in which she participates. On the other hand, she likes that I know how to listen to her, trust her, let her retire. Sometimes I acutely feel my inadequacy, and I really want to become more easy-going. I think this is exactly what my daughter expects from me. When we are alone with her, I often get scared and literally physically feel how my strength leaves me. I try to hide my anger, but sometimes I just want to yell: “Will you shut up, in the end?!””
This text is an introductory fragment.
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How do introverted children learn? I am sure that in the development of a child everything is interconnected - what happened before, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future.
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WikiReading
My child is an introvert [How to identify hidden talents and prepare for life in society]
Laney Marty
Contents
Extrovert parents and introvert children
Sometimes an extroverted parent may wonder if everything is in order with the health of his introverted child. “Gaby worries me a lot,” says the mother of an 11-year-old girl. She has only two friends, and she is content; And I would like everyone to like it.
She spends a lot of time alone. At her age, I went in for sports, attended clubs and participated in all school activities. I'm afraid I missed something. Sometimes it seems to me that Gaby is not very well, depressed; or maybe she has something more serious - like autism. I want her to be more honest with me."
Extrovert parents go out of their way to make their little introvert more active. But they are just wasting their time. By the way, an introverted child can also push his extroverted parents to the brink of nervous exhaustion. Parents believe that the tortoise slowness of the child prevents him from doing everything on time. He gets on their nerves with his meticulousness and endless "why", "why" and "how". Children-"insiders" with enviable stubbornness seek answers to questions that parents-"outsiders" simply never think about, because they are not inclined to reflection and do not like to bother themselves with finding answers. In addition, they are embarrassed to talk about many topics.
The behavior of introverted children often frightens or annoys extroverted parents: “What difference does it make, he doesn’t need to know this,” “Why can’t she be like everyone else?” or "We don't have time to read about it."
In their quest to get things done, extroverted parents don't find time to talk to their children. Communication occurs in fits and starts, and the introverted child begins to feel as if the parents who are always in a hurry simply do not care what he can tell them. Extroverted parents are usually very energetic, easily go through life, do everything in time and enjoy it. They consider themselves good parents: why, their children “do” so much! But they do not notice that from such a race their children wither before their eyes.
Extroverted parents don't understand that their introverted children need to think things through before making a decision. "So decide, for God's sake, what you want to do!" The slowness of introverts causes bewilderment in extroverts, since they associate the speed of decision-making with mental abilities.
Extroverted parents are also puzzled by inhibited emotional responses. They are offended if the children do not show their feelings: “Why didn’t you say that you didn’t like visiting? You never tell me anything!”
An extroverted parent may - quite unwittingly - seem too pushy to their little introvert. He can enter the child's room without knocking, interrupt his activity and talk about something of his own - while he will try his best to adapt to such interference. The child is lost if he is suddenly “pulled out” of deep thought. An extroverted parent is likely to take this as a personal insult if they are not familiar with the intricacies of their child's mental organization. Not knowing about the baby's need for privacy and personal space, he may decide that the child does not accept or even love him.
Sadly, sometimes extrovert parents just stop paying attention to little introverts and wave their hand at them, showing a preference for more energetic extrovert children.
“I love Robbie more, I like his courage”, “Peter is very slow. I feel like I'm dragging him along like a sack of potatoes. He has to be driven all day.”
True, these relationships also have a downside. Gaby's mom put it this way: “I think it's easier for her now because I've become more patient and help her connect with people. We better talk when we are doing something together: walking, having lunch, driving in a car or digging in the garden. At such moments, it is easier for me to endure the long pauses and silence of my daughter.
This text is an introductory fragment.
Children + parents: how to spend your holidays?
Children + parents: how to spend a vacation? - So that I can go somewhere with you again! Lena scolds the boys. - What am I, a sheepdog, to guard you all the time? Wearing a cap is not cool, no! And sunstroke is cool, yes! Let mom run for the doctor! That one from pier
Parents: 3 reasons for children to obey them
Parents: 3 Reasons Your Kids Should Obey Them Do parents need their children to obey them? Of course, the point is not at all the egoism of adults, for whom it is certainly easier this way.
There are several very important reasons for this. The first reason is that parents have a responsibility to ensure safety
Myth: Introverted children are shy
Myth: Introverted children are shy Fact: Introversion is often confused with shyness. This misunderstanding arises from the fact that introversion is evaluated only from the point of view of the lack of propensity for introverted children to communicate. Introversion affects the character of the child as a whole,
Myth: Introverted children are unfriendly
Myth: Introverted children are unfriendly Fact: Introverts can be very friendly, they just don't show it in certain situations. For example, Matthew, our exemplary little introvert, whom I talked about at the beginning of the chapter, is very friendly and affable. He loves
Myth: Introverted children are not interested in other people
Myth: Introverted children are not interested in other people.
Fact: Introverted children are very interested in other people! But an introvert is not able to immediately digest a lot of information, and therefore introverts - despite the fact that they love to communicate with people and learn a lot about them - prefer
Myth: Introverted children are self-absorbed
Myth: Introverted children are self-absorbed. Fact: It is true that introverts are focused on their own thoughts and experiences, but at the same time they are very interested in knowing what other people think and feel. Introverts tend to be tolerant of dissenters. But in a strange
Chapter 5 Love Care and Daily Bread Introverted Children Flourish in Calm and Predictable Conditions
Chapter 5 Love care and daily bread Introverted children thrive in calm and predictable environments. The environment is an extension of our body.
Peace must reign in it. Deepak Chopra In the previous chapter, we discussed global issues - how to raise a confident
Both parents and children are introverts
Both parents and children are introverts If both parents and children are introverts, then, as a rule, they have enough small family joys of life. They enjoy spending time at home, watching movies, reading books, sitting comfortably on the couch, or doing nothing at all, just sitting
Both parents and children are extroverts
Both parents and children are extroverts Such families rarely stay in one place. They are usually very active. Extroverts are passionate about play, work, love to be the center of attention and remain true to their company, their circle of friends. They like being in
Introverted parents and extroverted children
Introvert Parents and Extrovert Children Introverted parents raising an extroverted child remind me of people who have grabbed the tiger by the tail.
Approximately this is how Jacqueline Bouvier felt when she married a typical representative of the crazy Kennedy clan and gave birth to him
Introverted parents and their children - "outsiders" and "insiders"
Introverted parents and their children - "outsiders" and "insiders" Several children with different characters is a real challenge for introvert parents, especially if the family is incomplete. You are torn apart and still cannot please all your children at the same time. Most
Extroverted parents and their children - "outsiders" and "insiders"
Extroverted parents and their children - "outsiders" and "insiders" In a family where parents are extroverts and children have different personalities, an introverted child may feel like an “outsider”. He does not like noisy companies and fun, he willingly sits at home and enjoys peace and
Chapter 10 Introverted Children in Kindergarten and School If you understand what makes introverts good at school, you can help them succeed in school
Chapter 10 Introvert children in kindergarten and at school If you understand what allows introverts to study well, you can help them successfully overcome the school course.
