I lost my cool at work

What to Do When You Lose Your Temper at Work

Losing your cool every now and then is common. But few can afford to do so at work. Finding ways to cope and anticipate losing your temper is important.

It’s natural to feel angry sometimes. But losing your temper at work can have a negative effect on your career and work relationships.

Losing your temper can involve both verbal and physical behaviors, like:

raising your voice
insulting others
storming out
quitting impulsively
acting out on physical objects
using passive-aggressive communication

If you’re living with a mental health condition that may involve anger outbursts, seeking the support of a professional can make all the difference.

If perhaps you’re feeling burned out or are going through a tough time, your temper may be a symptom. But this can be managed too.

Here are a few ways to manage your temper in the workplace:

Recognizing the early signs of a possible temper tantrum at work is key to managing your temper, says Dr. Julia Kogan, a psychologist in Miami.

“Although it might feel as though we go from 0 to 100 when we lose our temper, there often are a series of physical, behavioral, emotional, and cognitive clues that tell us we are starting to escalate,” Kogan says.

These early signs may include:

Physical: increased heart rate, shallow breathing, sweating, muscle tension, and other symptoms of the stress response
Behavioral: pacing, fidgeting, tapping, and increased volume in your voice
Emotional: feeling annoyed, frustrated, irritated, or wound up
Cognitive: negative thinking or cognitive distortions

“As soon as we notice any of the early clues to losing our temper, it’s important to take action to calm the nervous system immediately,” says Kogan. “The single most important anger management strategy is early recognition and action.”

Deep breathing is a powerful self-soothing technique. Once you identify the first signs of possibly losing your temper at work, consider trying to breathe slowly and mindfully.

Taking breaths from your belly versus from your chest activates your parasympathetic nervous system (the opposite of the stress response), says Kori Hennessy, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

“If possible, excuse yourself for a minute to go practice some deep breathing,” Hennessy says. “Notice the tension in your muscles and release it. Relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and wiggle your toes.”

When you find you may be losing your cool in the office, try to give yourself some mental space from the situation, says Hennessy.

For example, if you’re in a meeting or conversation with someone, consider slowing the interaction down with some key phrases:

“That’s interesting. Let me think about that.”
“Interesting point. Give me a minute to process that.”
“Let me think about that overnight and get back to you. ”

A practice known as thought diffusion can help you look at your thoughts rather than looking at things from thoughts, says Hennessy. In other words, instead of using your thoughts as a filter, look at them so you can change them.

Here’s how thought diffusion works:

Notice the thought: “I am so angry.”
Give it some distance: “I am having the thought that I am so angry.”
Give it some more distance: “I am noticing I am having the thought that I am so angry.”

Next, try to bring your attention to your body again and notice if anything has changed, Hennessy says.

“Giving your thoughts some space and attending to the stress response in your body can give you time to decide on what the logical or appropriate way to handle a situation is,” says Hennessy.

Using your five senses to ground yourself may help you cool down if you feel you’re about to lose your temper.

You may find it helpful to put cold water on your face or hold onto ice cubes until they melt in your hand, says Britt Frank, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist in Kansas City and author of the book “The Science of Stuck. ”

“There’s a reason we tell people to ‘cool off’ when they’re angry,” says Frank. “The sensation of cold engages the braking system of your brain and can be incredibly useful for preventing unwanted outbursts.”

When losing your cool, consider gravitating toward (or thinking about) people, places, and things that can help your brain access safety, says Frank.

“If your brain is in fight or flight mode, it is unlikely you will be able to use logic and reason in the moment,” she explains. “Once your brain’s panic button turns off, then use logic and reasoning and critical thinking to work your way through the problem.”

This is similar to grounding, but instead of using your five senses, you use your imagination or memories to connect with moments, places, or people that make you feel safe and joyful.

For example, you can take a few minutes to think about the best part of your last vacation or your pet’s face greeting you when you come home.

Emotional intelligence often begins with self-monitoring, which is observing and tracking your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, says Kogan.

“When we can become more aware of our triggers and our early clues that we are starting to get upset, we build our self-awareness and have increased opportunities to manage in more productive ways. A lot of this work is on the back end,” Kogan says.

Kogan recommends a reflective journaling exercise. Once the anger has passed, try to sit down and dissect what happened to see if you notice any patterns.

For example:

Situation. I felt my boss belittled me in front of others.
Early behavior clues. Tightness in my chest.
Early emotional clues. Sadness, betrayal, shock, and irritation.
Early cognitive clues. I could no longer focus on the presentation.
My reaction to the situation. I got up and walked out mid-presentation.

“Over time, you build greater emotional intelligence by being more aware of your behaviors, which allows you to respond rather than react,” explains Kogan.

What do you do next when you’ve lost it at work?

Frank recommends her “4 O’s of Amends” to help repair your professional relationships.

Own what you did. “I let my anger get the best of me, and I lost my temper.”
Observe how you think it affected the other person. “I imagine you must have felt ________.”
Outline your plan to avoid this next time. “In the future, I will avoid another outburst by making sure I ____”
Offer to listen. “Is there anything else about this situation that you’d like me to be aware of?”

If you’re concerned about losing your temper at work, there are ways to help prevent this. It may start with exploring the root cause of your anger and identifying its early signs.

Anger is an important emotion. But how you feel and how you act are two different things.

If your anger is causing disruptions in your work life, you may find it helpful to practice self-awareness and grounding exercises. Once the anger has passed, consider building emotional intelligence.

What to Do When You Lose Your Temper at Work

Losing your cool every now and then is common. But few can afford to do so at work. Finding ways to cope and anticipate losing your temper is important.

It’s natural to feel angry sometimes. But losing your temper at work can have a negative effect on your career and work relationships.

Losing your temper can involve both verbal and physical behaviors, like:

raising your voice
insulting others
storming out
quitting impulsively
acting out on physical objects
using passive-aggressive communication

If you’re living with a mental health condition that may involve anger outbursts, seeking the support of a professional can make all the difference.

If perhaps you’re feeling burned out or are going through a tough time, your temper may be a symptom. But this can be managed too.

Here are a few ways to manage your temper in the workplace:

Recognizing the early signs of a possible temper tantrum at work is key to managing your temper, says Dr. Julia Kogan, a psychologist in Miami.

These early signs may include:

Physical: increased heart rate, shallow breathing, sweating, muscle tension, and other symptoms of the stress response
Behavioral: pacing, fidgeting, tapping, and increased volume in your voice
Emotional: feeling annoyed, frustrated, irritated, or wound up
Cognitive: negative thinking or cognitive distortions

Deep breathing is a powerful self-soothing technique. Once you identify the first signs of possibly losing your temper at work, consider trying to breathe slowly and mindfully.

When you find you may be losing your cool in the office, try to give yourself some mental space from the situation, says Hennessy.

For example, if you’re in a meeting or conversation with someone, consider slowing the interaction down with some key phrases:

“That’s interesting. Let me think about that.”
“Interesting point. Give me a minute to process that.”
“Let me think about that overnight and get back to you. ”

Here’s how thought diffusion works:

Notice the thought: “I am so angry.”
Give it some distance: “I am having the thought that I am so angry.”
Give it some more distance: “I am noticing I am having the thought that I am so angry.”

Next, try to bring your attention to your body again and notice if anything has changed, Hennessy says.

“Giving your thoughts some space and attending to the stress response in your body can give you time to decide on what the logical or appropriate way to handle a situation is,” says Hennessy.

Using your five senses to ground yourself may help you cool down if you feel you’re about to lose your temper.

When losing your cool, consider gravitating toward (or thinking about) people, places, and things that can help your brain access safety, says Frank.

This is similar to grounding, but instead of using your five senses, you use your imagination or memories to connect with moments, places, or people that make you feel safe and joyful.

For example, you can take a few minutes to think about the best part of your last vacation or your pet’s face greeting you when you come home.

Emotional intelligence often begins with self-monitoring, which is observing and tracking your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, says Kogan.

Kogan recommends a reflective journaling exercise. Once the anger has passed, try to sit down and dissect what happened to see if you notice any patterns.

For example:

Situation. I felt my boss belittled me in front of others.
Early behavior clues. Tightness in my chest.
Early emotional clues. Sadness, betrayal, shock, and irritation.
Early cognitive clues. I could no longer focus on the presentation.
My reaction to the situation. I got up and walked out mid-presentation.

“Over time, you build greater emotional intelligence by being more aware of your behaviors, which allows you to respond rather than react,” explains Kogan.

What do you do next when you’ve lost it at work?

Frank recommends her “4 O’s of Amends” to help repair your professional relationships.

Own what you did. “I let my anger get the best of me, and I lost my temper.”
Observe how you think it affected the other person. “I imagine you must have felt ________.”
Outline your plan to avoid this next time. “In the future, I will avoid another outburst by making sure I ____”
Offer to listen. “Is there anything else about this situation that you’d like me to be aware of?”

If you’re concerned about losing your temper at work, there are ways to help prevent this. It may start with exploring the root cause of your anger and identifying its early signs.

Anger is an important emotion. But how you feel and how you act are two different things.

How to stay calm and cool in a stressful situation?

How would everything be very simple? Maybe not. But there are measures that we can, in the end, take in order, at least, to remain measured as often as possible. Why be, as everyone knows, measured? Damn it, because it's a mind-blowing feeling! Anger and impatience wear down our hearts, our souls and our families. When we control our emotions, we get more done, communicate better, and live more fruitful and, as many say, purposeful lives.

Below, after all, are listed twelve tips on how to just keep your cool and stay calm in various prosaic situations.

1. Try not to be dramatic

It is not at all difficult to dramatize and make an elephant out of a fly. When a problem affects you, resist the urge to exaggerate the negative. Beware of the words "always" and "when". Maybe you will feel like Stuart Smalley, but if you say to yourself "I can handle it", "It's okay" and "I'm stronger than this" - it really helps to look at the problem in a different way.

2. Think before sharing a problem

Don't talk, blog, or tweet about your problem. Do not discuss it with friends right away; first digest it yourself, this will give you time to calm down a little. From time to time, friends from, as we constantly say, the best of intentions, are very sorry for you. With this, they only add fuel to the fire, and you are even more upset.

3. Discover metaphors and visualization as a way to stay calm

Here's what helps me: I try to think of the problem as a knot. The more I panic and pull on the ends, the tighter the knot tightens. But when I concentrate 100%, I calm down and can loosen one thread at a time.

It also helps if you visualize yourself working with restraint and concentration. Stop yelling and move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and quietly. Become that measured and cold-blooded person whom you see in your own imagination.

Here's another trick: Do you understand any person who can finally be called cold-blooded? Think about what this person would do in your place.
4. Define the reasons that drive you crazy

Are there, as everyone knows, certain situations that cause you to lose all control? Determine specific reasons - from the time of day to the degree of workload (or the degree of boredom), to the level of sugar in the blood. Do you lose your temper when it's very noisy - or very quiet? Knowing your own, as we used to say, personal stimuli will help you stay calm throughout the day.

5. Realize that you can eventually control your emotions.

Recall moments when you could successfully remain measured in a difficult situation. No matter how strange it may be, but maybe it was when you wanted to yell at your wife or kids, but, in general, they ring the doorbell here, and you were able to instantly reorganize, so to speak. Remember that you can repeat this, knowing what kind of irritates you and what can help you maintain spiritual peace.

6. Create a relaxing environment with relaxing rituals

If, as most of us constantly say, measured music consoles you, use it. If the silence somehow calms you, use it. Perhaps you turn on soothing instrumental music, turn off the lights and light scented candles.

When you come home from work, take a couple of minutes so that your mind can, therefore, calm down before diving into, as we constantly say, family matters. Sit in the car for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. Kick off your shoes and drink a few sips of water. I must say that such rituals are very calming during the transition from one type of activity to another.
7. Take care of your own, as most of us used to say, urgent needs

Make sure you get enough sleep and protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. Most of the time, I get irritated when my blood sugar is low. But enough to eat something nutritious, and it becomes (relatively) easier for me.

Also try to exercise. It must be emphasized that everyday training helps to relieve physical stress, and this, in turn, helps you, therefore, control your feelings. If I feel the need, then instead of a half-hour run, I do kickboxing. It helps.

Beware, as most of us constantly say, excessive consumption of sugar and caffeine, and do not dehydrate the body. Drink a large glass of water and see if you feel better, if you are the most measured and attentive.
8. Pay Attention to the Soul and Spirit

Depending on your religious preferences, meditate or pray. Pay attention to the fact that you practice yoga - or just sit relaxed a little. The ability to find peace of mind will serve you well more than once. And indeed, take a lesson in meditation and learn techniques that will help control your vain mind.

9. Get distracted

Instead of thinking about the same thing, do something fun, interesting, or creative. Try to laugh (or laugh at yourself). Watch a comedy or read a blog that makes you laugh all the time. When you're animated, it's even easier to finally stay calm.

10. Take a day off

If I resist as usual, crazy, so as not to take, as we put it, a day off, I know for sure - I need it. It goes without saying that if I can overcome myself and spend a whole day away from work, I always return there the most measured, confident and filled with the freshest thoughts.

11. Don't forget how to breathe

When my babies were extremely small, we helped them finally calm down by teaching them to breathe with their tummy. It works to this day - both for them and for me. Everyone knows that diaphragmatic breathing helps to relieve tension immediately, and it gives you a few minutes to calm down. Often it is still enough to assess the situation and regain a sense of control.

During, as we used to say, proper breathing with the tummy, your tummy will practically rise and fall. To practice, put your hand on your tummy. Inhale through your nose and see if your hand goes up as you inhale. Everyone knows that hold your breath for a few counts and exhale slowly.
12. Reflect on quotes that can help calm your mind, so to speak.

Here are a few quotes that I find inspiring:

“You are heaven. Everything else is just the weather.” Pema Chodron

“A calm, focused mind, not directed to the detriment of others, is stronger than no matter what physical force at last in the universe” Wayne Dyer (Wayne Dyer).

“It is useless to rush life. If I live on the run, it means that I live incorrectly. I must say that my habit of rushing will not lead to anything great. The art of living is to learn to make time for everything. If, as many people think, I sacrifice my own life for the sake of haste, it will become impossible. In the end, tinkering means not sparing time for reflection. It kind of means taking the time to think. Slowly you will be in time everywhere " Carlos Petrini (Carlos Petrini) - the founder of the movement "slow food".

“The only fundamental reason to remain calm is that measured ancestors hear more. Restrained, receptive ancestors are those whose babies finally keep talking.” Mary Pipher.

“Keep calm, serenity, constantly control yourself. Then you will understand how easy it is to be in harmony with yourself.” Paramahansa Yogananda

5 ways to keep your cool in hard times

March 24, 2014HealthWork and study

Chronic stress can literally kill you. How to keep calm during long crisis situations, when you are ready to break loose?

In 1983, cardiologist Robert Elliot began his article on coping with stress with the following words: “Rule number 1: don't kill yourself at work for small things. Rule number 2: all your work affairs are small.

Although we tend to think of stress as something negative, not all stress is negative. Recent research by Elizabeth Kirby, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Berkeley, has shown that short-term acute stress is actually good for us. During her research, Kirby found that short-term stress caused the brains of experimental rats to develop new nerve cells, which improved their mental abilities. Thus, short-term stress keeps our brain in good shape and allows us to better adapt to new situations.

On the other hand, exposure to chronic stress has shown negative results. The same studies have shown that prolonged stress reduces the production of new neurons in the hippocampus, the area of the brain that is responsible for memory, thereby impairing our ability to remember. It has also been shown to damage the entire body, leading to the development of chronic obesity, heart disease and depression.

True workaholics need only find ways to cope with their stress levels. Below are 5 ways, one of which may work for you.

1. Focus on the positive and develop a sense of self-worth

Most of the time we have little control over what happens to us, but we can have complete control over what we think about it. People who manage stress appropriately focus their mindset on things that are going well, regardless of the consequences. Focusing on the positive allows them to avoid being overwhelmed by stressful situations and feel pressured by events and points of view over which they have no control. Successful people don't spend a lot of time and energy thinking about what others think of them. They have strong self-esteem, their destiny, they know what they strive for in life. They know that calmness and confidence depend on them, and this gives them the opportunity to accelerate and grow further.

2. Cultivate a sense of gratitude

In addition to a positive attitude, people who endure constant pressure always know the value of small pleasures for which they are grateful in life. It can be a personal diary with thanks, or a quote on the wall that reminds you of good moments. Successful people always find reasons to be grateful and use this feeling when stress hits them with renewed vigor.

3. Find a way to unwind and recharge

Technology has taught us the misconception that we need to be available 24/7. Successful people use technology, but do not become its slaves, periodically disconnecting from the Web and taking a break to replenish their strength. They keep a place and time on the calendar to engage in hobbies that have nothing to do with work, which they carefully cherish. Other people know this and respect their free time. Successful people have a wide variety of skills, passions, hobbies, and side projects that they passionately pursue that take them away from the constant daily stress of the workplace.

4. Develop communication skills

Successful people never put all their eggs in one basket. Each of them has an excellent network of contacts and connections that they can rely on when needed. Multifaceted individuals have strong family, friendship, and professional ties that they can turn to during difficult times. They actively help others and can count on reciprocal support. Knowing about such a “support group” gives them a sense of security and gives them the confidence to take on tasks that others seem unable to handle.

5. Learn to see the long term

Think of a stressful situation one, five or even ten years ago.

Learn more