I just want to feel better


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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

  • Suggested Resources

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    Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.

    It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
    Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

    After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
    Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.

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    Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.

    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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Feel better — Penelope Scott

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nine0023 Feel better

Feel better


I don't wanna feel better
No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over you
I wanna sit with you in bed
I don't wanna feel better
I'd give anything to miss you again
I don't wanna get over it
I wanna get under it instead

The book sits on top of clean and messy blankets
On a bed that fuckin' creaks at night when I get in it late
And late at night, I'm chugging Gatorade
And someone's breaking up when I crack up
Because I know I'll never know just what to say
I'm a communist, a terrorist, an MPDG thot
Or I'm a sad girl in a dorm room,
Living out the shady Christian plot of "Twilight"
Or "The Bible" or "The Lover" by Duras
Or I'm just really fuckin' selfish and really fuckin' lost

But someone loved me, someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me and I fuckin' loved them too
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something
I had my I had my cake (I ate it, it ate me too and god no)

"I don't wanna feel better"
(I don't wanna feel better)
(I'd give anything to miss you again)
(I don't wanna get over it)
(I wanna rip it to shreds)

We kept our liquor in a suitcase underneath my bed
And we drank it to go out or just stay in or to feel sad
But in a hot way, a way I'll fuckin' never have again
The sun has began to set
I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut
I am an awkward teenage virgin
And I sort of kinda laugh a lot in bed
But other times I cry or don't make noise at all
I'd give my life to have a room that feels that small Cause someone loved me, someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me, I loved them too
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' earned something
I had a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose , too
And God, no!
Of course, I don't wanna feel better! nine0027 Can you fucking imagine?!

No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over it, I wanna rip the stars to shreds
I don't wanna feel better

Of course it hurt, of course it fuckin' hurt
It hurt like nothing in the world sometimes
That I was super scared, and we were all a train-wreck
And also somehow making it
I think I might've died there twice
And I would do it all again
I' m a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine
Or I'm a healthy baby-girl who traded sunshine for disease
But when my head hit my cheap pillow,
I could tell I had a heart
And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart

'Cause someone loved me , someone fuckin' loved me
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something
And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food
I guess I loved you, I guess I really loved you
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew
And now you're over there and I'm way over here
What am I gonna do?

I don't wanna feel better
No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over you
I wanna sit with you in bed
I don't wanna feel better

to make me feel better,
No one else will love me like that.
I don't want to forget you,
I want to sit on the bed with you.
I don't want to feel better
I'd give anything to miss you again0027 I don't want to forget you,
I want to be with you.

Stacks of books on clean and wrinkled sheets
On a bed that creaks when I climb into it at night
And deep into the night I sip Gatorade
And someone breaks up when I break down
Because I know I never find the right words.
I'm a communist, terrorist, whore-MPDG 1 ,
Or I'm the sad girl in the room,
Living the Christian story of "Twilight",
Or "The Bible", or "Lover" by Duras,
Or am I just a fucking selfish and lost

But someone fucking loved me, someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me and I loved him too.
Fuck, I was worth something, I learned something,
I had my cake... (I ate it, it ate me and oh no!)

"I don't want to feel better ."
(I don't want to get better,
I'd give anything to miss you again,
I don't want to forget you,
I want to tear everything to shreds. )

We hid the liquor in a suitcase under my bed
And drank it while walking or sitting at home or to mourn
But in a sexual way, in a way I can't do anymore
The sun started to set.
I'm a socialist, a Marxist, a libertarian whore,
And I'm an awkward teenage virgin,
And I always laugh a little in bed,
And sometimes I cry or lie down at all without making a sound,
I'd give my life for a room that seems small.

But someone fucking loved me, someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me and I loved him too.
Your mother, I was worth something, I endured something,
And I could die, I could live and I could choose,
And, God, no!
It's over, I don't want to get better!
How do you even imagine that?!

Nobody else will love me like that,
I don't want to forget you, I want to tear everything to shreds.
I don't want to feel better.

Of course it hurt me, it hurt like hell,
Nothing in the world would hurt me so much. nine0027 I was so scared and we were all on the collapsing train,
But somehow it didn't concern us.
I think I died in it twice,
And would go for it a third time.
I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD machine,
Or a healthy baby who traded the sun for a disease,
But when I fell on a cheap pillow,
I realized that I have a heart,
And I want to erase this fascist Milky Way.

But someone fucking loved me, someone fucking loved me,
All my worthless life I've loved a near stranger. nine0027 Fuck, I was worth something, I learned something,
And that made my mouth feel better than a hot meal.
Looks like I loved you, looks like I loved you a lot,
All my worthless life, I loved almost a stranger,
And now you're somewhere out there, and I'm still here,
What should I do?

I don't want to feel better,
No one else will love me like that.
I don't want to forget you,
I want to sit on the bed with you.
I don't want to feel better. nine0027

The author of the translation is Yuzu
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Learning to feel better, or why do we need wellbeing

[About the author: Mikhail Zavileisky — Organizational Architect at DataArt. Before joining the company, he worked as a programmer and manager for 10 years]

Feeling better is better. Personally, I have no doubts about this. Why we want to feel better and how much it increases labor productivity in each case, in my opinion, is not so important. We interact in various circumstances, striving to achieve goals that do not always coincide with us. When we reach our goals, we rejoice. But we soon find out that the joy of achievement is short-lived, and final happiness has not come for us. This is understandable: there is only one terminal stage - death, which can hardly be associated with happiness. It is for this reason that the problem of well-being rests on the question of whether you yourself managed to make the process of moving towards the goal such that it gives pleasure. nine0005

Why companies need wellbetting

Some collaborative activities are synergistic in nature, they certainly involve fun for all involved. For example, a pleasant conversation with friends or playing sports together. But there are also asymmetric activities, when some people satisfy needs at the expense of others - they win and dominate. This is an integral part of life, such forms of behavior arise naturally, simply because the human herds are arranged that way, which any organization remains. nine0005

When DataArt was created, we quickly defined ourselves as a group of people who came together to make money, while at the same time harming and complicating life as little as possible for each other. Therefore, from the very beginning, we did not respect approaches in which some colleagues seek to satisfy the needs at the expense of others. We stubbornly followed this rule when we ourselves had not yet heard of any wellbeing. But it is impossible to prohibit manifestations of aggression, except for direct and obvious ones, to fight them. After all, organizations don't have much of a control arsenal—they just control assets and make investment decisions. It is good to invest in something that pleases everyone, but as the organization grows, this becomes more difficult and quickly becomes impossible. In any relatively large group of people, what pleases some people simply makes others angry. nine0005

Even finding out the percentage of satisfied and dissatisfied is very difficult. Only the most ingenuous of your colleagues will immediately answer a direct question “like / dislike”. The rest may well wonder why you are asking it and whether it is worth pretending to be as pleased as possible - just in case. You can ask without any ulterior motive, but among hundreds, and even more so thousands of people, there will be someone who puts this thought into the question for you.

Illustrations by Katalina Majewska

The most classic example: ask a person if he is satisfied with his salary. A lot of people will think about whether this issue is related to the possibility of increasing it. That is, his setting suggests the answer "dissatisfied": in the worst case, everything will remain as it was, in the best - you can expect an increase. Of course, we conduct a regular survey of colleagues - every year we ask how satisfied they are with their work and what they would like to change. But dynamics is important here - comparison with the results of last year and earlier: if the indicators suddenly start to fall, something needs to be changed. In absolute terms, a single survey still cannot reveal how satisfied people are with life. nine0005

What remains for us? Rely on authoritative judgments and global discourse. This is precisely what caused our interest in the topic of well-being and a “happy lifestyle”.

We assume that there are people in the world more competent in the humanities than we are engineers. We can also hope that following in the wake of global trends is more beneficial than harmful. Finally, there is no prophet in one's own country, and here there is something to rely on - some things that we used to talk about simply because of inner convictions suddenly turned out to be important in the outside world as well. Of all the answers to the question about the coronavirus epidemic, I like one the most: “We are following the WHO recommendations. ” Simply because no one has come up with a better option than to listen to the opinion of competent people. Especially in a noisy world where it is extremely difficult to separate the real information from the foam. nine0005

Therefore, it is reasonable for an organization to pay attention to quite obvious advice from experts, especially if it has already become a global trend. For those who organically tried to think about people, it will be somewhat easier.

The culture of an organization is not entirely or exclusively, but essentially dependent on leaders. They can be dominated by those who drive the company forward by the level of their ambitions - whether it be the desire to earn more money, the need for self-realization, and the desire to change the world. They see the useful properties of people, but all their other properties seem to them rather a problem. There is another category of leaders: they are people-oriented, they want to serve or involve as many people as possible. They like to look at each person in a complex and think about how to adapt the maximum number of his properties to the case. Of course, if concern for colleagues is part of your worldview, it will be easier to maintain its level. One of the concepts of DataArt, its founder Zhenya Goland, formulated at a very early stage: “People join us - this is good for us.” This basic input remains with us, and even when buying specific skills on the labor market, we try not only to look at them when a person goes to work. To a large extent, it is institutionalized. For example, any group within the company has the right not to accept someone who does not suit her, but not the right to fire him. According to our policies, the company is obliged to make efforts to find a new place for him. nine0005

But the key to one's own well-being still remains in the hands of each person.

Why do you personally need wellbeeing

Learning to feel better is possible. This is a fact that is confirmed not only by scientists, but also, for example, by my own experience. Like everything in our life, a positive emotional state can be the result of either a combination of circumstances or systematic work. Moreover, the results of the work, of course, are much more stable.

Digging into yourself and your own emotional sphere is very useful - by tightening the screws, you can learn to experience noticeably more pleasure and be less nervous over trifles. But here we run into a very difficult area related to self-identification. Many people consider themselves to be a holistic, indivisible whole and, in defending their identity, refuse any deep reflection, experiments and exercises. nine0005

Assimilated cultural knowledge, once accepted by a person, often leads to counterproductive behavior and blocks the ability to take advice. “I once heard this and called it bullshit” - I behave consistently, accordingly, and in the future I reject any such practices. In the books about Dunno there was a wonderful character - Pachkula Motley, who never washed and was never surprised. He also behaved consistently, but whether this made him happy remains a mystery. nine0005

So we have an indefinite spiritual self with an incomplete and inaccurate vocabulary for discussion. By the way, we also have a physical I, with which there seems to be more clarity. At the same time, people often treat the latter with less trepidation. Few people doubt that having lost, say, a limb, he will not cease to be himself. Although in reality the worldview will change very much. Does a person remain himself when the hormonal background changes or when he gets old? Seems Yes. Although no one doubts that such changes affect us extremely. It seems to me that the most productive approach is one - to relax about one's own identity in favor of judging the facts. nine0005

Changing one's own perception of the world is scary, because it seems to be an attack on the inner essence of a person. In this case, the very Self becomes the object of preservation - a pure abstraction. In order to progress, it is much more productive to rely on facts - how I interact with people, or what is happening around me, against my will. For example, I have a set of thoughts that I think if I want to fall asleep. This is just an empirical fact, I just know that I have never thought of this idea in my life - I fall asleep. And great! If I have had too much coffee or someone is wrong again on the Internet, this thought will help me send myself to sleep, saving time and effort. nine0005

Well-being at work

The same simple practices help to minimize displeasure or maximize pleasure from work. To do this, you should follow simple everyday recipes and principles: my favorite is treat yourself the same way you strive to treat others. And if you treat others kindly, with love and condescension, you should also be indulgent towards yourself.

If you want to be loved, you must be adequate, i.e., give out expected reactions to the same type of influences. If you behave inappropriately, that is, you react unpredictably to the same actions, obeying your mood, this undermines your authority. The principle of adequacy should be adhered to in relation to oneself. nine0005

If you are tired and clearly lack strength, it is better not to take on a difficult piece of work. But you can turn to simple actions, which everyone calls in their own way. For example, routines or regular activities. A typical task of a routine is to reduce the number of checkboxes placed in a mailbox by half. This is the case when you can let your inner self behave cowardly - choose the most understandable letters and answer them. There were 100 unanswered letters, now there are 50 - you will immediately feel that your work was not in vain. nine0005

In fact, this work is relatively useless. Because you answered: “Yes, yes, okay, let's go! Sorry for not responding in time,” little will change. But people will be pleased: you have not forgotten about them, and even admitted a mistake. You should probably realize that when answering these letters, you were just hiding in the bushes - so what? You will sleep or eat, you will feel more cheerful and you will get down to business in difficult areas.

Knowing yourself, you can always invent approaches that will allow you not to be trapped when you are forced to do difficult work in an inappropriate state. Although we all know that we are capable of such things, this is professionalism. When I was young, the last thing I lost when I was drunk was the ability to write code. The working core, which is under constant mental control, lasts longer than the ability to walk straight or speak clearly. Therefore, the code, unlike, say, letters, was never ashamed to re-read in the morning. But an approach that requires mental control turns out to be extremely resource-intensive - if we are talking about intoxication, then you will quickly sober up and begin to suffer from a headache. Because the body will try to return itself to a normal state. But even without any alcohol, it is better to avoid professional exploits by organizing your activities in such a way that it remains comfortable. nine0005

Task sorting

There are millions of tricks that make you feel good. One of them is to know your limitations so that you don't promise what you can't deliver. Or present the rider to the other side - the conditions that must be met in order for you to work well. For example, I know that I can effortlessly write a text of a certain length on a given topic for a specific audience. But in cases where I am offered to speculate on a free topic in a format of my own choice, I most likely will never do this. Don `t come in. But, fortunately, I remember this. nine0005

Tasks are sorted by the brain: in one case it is clear - to synthesize a text that meets the given conditions. The quality of performance can vary, but if you understand what to do, it is usually in the range from decent to good. The task from the sphere of pure self-expression sends us into a disturbing existential area. After all, the longer you live, the more deeply you become convinced that you don’t know anything, and thinking about it paralyzes.

Frivolity versus perfectionism

You can play the same demanding games with yourself. For example, you fit in to make a presentation by a certain date. Just like in the past as a programmer, you need to set a deadline for yourself, allocate a certain number of hours that you need to prepare. To simplify the task, then you arrange a conveyor with yourself. You write abstracts (this is how it goes). Since you know that a presentation apart from abstracts is ugly, you transfer them to the slide structure. Then you fill these slides. It remains to polish the result, but this part of the work needs to be dosed. The interaction of the speaker with the audience is a metaphysical act that will not be helped by excessive polishing of the source text. Of course, if we are not talking about a sales presentation that you are going to make 300 times during the year, wandering around the exhibitions. If you are a professional rezenter or traveling salesman, the story should bounce off your teeth - it's worth it, it will be much easier to speak. It's like a TV commercial that costs millions of dollars to make, simply because it will bring in tens of millions to watch. Extra preparation costs will have almost no effect on the final cost of the campaign, which means that trying to bring the product to perfection looks reasonable. nine0005

When you count on high repeatability or write incorruptible, you need to approach quality especially carefully. If one-time activity awaits you, it makes sense to show indulgence to your own result. You won’t be perfect — you need to prepare, of course, but you also need to perfect your report only to the extent necessary. Such a rational attitude to what you want to do, how powerful effect you want to achieve, allows you to dose perfectionism and manage self-esteem, which, no doubt, has a huge impact on the sense of well-being. Of course, this does not only apply to public speaking. Being kind to yourself is a big thing, having mastered it, you, by inertia, strengthen the same attitude towards others. nine0005

Showing indulgence to yourself, you run the risk of appearing frivolous. But, observing people, I became convinced that the frivolous are generally happier. I have seen many colleagues who combine a remarkable measure of talent with a tangible amount of frivolity - they are quite confident in going through life and feel good about themselves, spreading a positive attitude to those around them. Yes, they don't make the maximum amount of money they could, and yes, they do get picked up from time to time. But cleaning up after them is not as unpleasant as after those who manage to not only dirty sometimes, but also constantly eat your brain. With a normal level of resulting performance (of course, this is an important condition!) They feel better than those who are weighed down by a huge number of internal obligations and the heavy feelings associated with them. Because the question is not only where you want to go, but also where you want to push. nine0005

Area of ​​responsibility

Having praised frivolity, we must determine the area acceptable to it. There will be a place for him outside the purely professional field, where you consider yourself an expert and claim to know more than others. Not necessarily more than anyone in the world - more than those gathered here and now. Since it has fallen to you to be the bearer of the knowledge of how to do it, you must be serious. Because if you don't do it, no one will, with your frivolity you will simply set the whole group up. But in all other areas, one should not overestimate the importance of one's opinion and the weight of the thoughts that came in the course of the conversation. Here, however, you have to admit that the people around, in principle, are not stupider, but this will allow you to relax a little. nine0005

We have the imprint of an engineering culture, where commitment and perfectionism are necessary companions of a certain stage of professional development. You just won't learn how to do your job if you don't strive for a high level of skill. Being responsible in areas where you are truly professional and remaining an easy person in other areas is a real art. But I would recommend everyone to behave in this way, if possible. Here a new question arises - how to distinguish between areas where you are really an expert, and those in which others present understand better. nine0005

Feelings often deceive us. If you are an experienced person, then out of habit you can say something weighty, feeling confident that you are right. I know this feeling, but before speaking out, I try to run through the confirmations and references to sources in memory (a scientific article often differs from a pseudo-scientific one by the presence of references to sources). I am on solid ground if I remember checking the information I refer to, discussing it with competent people, or, at worst, my own mental constructions are confirmed by a practical result. In this case, I can behave seriously and insist on something. If I can't provide proof that I'm right, it's likely that your brain is pushing you towards the behavior of a socio-political animal. nine0005

If you cannot clearly and logically prove why your ideas are better than someone else's, it is more profitable to let another person implement his own plan. And support it by increasing the chances of success. Speaking abstractly or expressing general concerns, you are most likely playing a social game. Such games are a source of stress for others, they do not benefit your common cause, and the player himself provides only short-term satisfaction.

The problem of flat companies

In thinking about how we want to see our organization, we have formulated principles that reject authoritarian leadership. But humanitarian priorities have a downside. Let's say we suffer from crowds at times: a lot of people gather to discuss a variety of issues, and here the general vector easily becomes maintaining the status quo with staying at the middle level. And this level is always not outstanding. nine0005

For me, the important point is to realize that this is natural, which means that you can talk about it directly. You can simply ask one of your colleagues not to play an unconscious social game or develop an arsenal of tricks to deal with it. If you don’t get annoyed about natural things, life becomes much easier.

This brings us directly to the issue of well-being at work. My latest discovery in the field of well-being is that you can come to acceptance without going through the other stages of resignation to the inevitable: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. There are things in life that are better to come to terms with right away: a crying baby on an airplane, bad weather, or security requirements that are important for a client that seem meaningless to you personally. Wherever you are not ready to focus in order to change something, it is much easier to agree with the rules of the game. This will save you a lot of mental energy. nine0005

Many colleagues will not agree with me: “How is it that if you immediately accept the inevitable, the world will become much worse.” But many knights went in search of the holy grail, and the windmills still stand. If the maximum you can do in a particular situation is to slightly distort the picture of the ripples on the surface of events, it is hardly worth the extra effort.


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