My husband is a cheating narcissist
Why Narcissists Have Affairs And Cheat On Their Spouses
Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes.
The Psychodynamic Process Enables Cheating
- In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests.
- Narcissists are easily bored (they have a low boredom threshold) and they have a low tolerance for boredom. Sexual dalliances alleviate this nagging and frustrating ennui.
- Narcissists maintain an island and focus of stability in their life, but all the other dimensions of their existence are chaotic, unstable, and unpredictable. This “twister” formation serves many emotional needs which I expound upon
elsewhere. Thus, a narcissist may be a model employee and pursue a career path over decades even as he cheats on his wife and fritters their savings away.
- Narcissists feel superior and important and so entitled to be above the law and to engage in behaviors that are frowned upon and considered socially unacceptable in others.They reject and vehemently resent all limitations and conditions placed upon them by their partners. They act on their impulses and desires unencumbered by social conventions and strictures.
- Marriage, monogamy, and child-bearing and rearing are common activities that characterize the average person.The narcissist feels robbed of his uniqueness by these pursuits and coerced into the relationship and into roles – such as a husband and a father – that reduce him to the lowest of common denominators.This narcissistic injury leads him to rebel and reassert his superiority and specialness by maintaining extramarital affairs.
- Narcissists are control freaks. Having a relationship implies a give-and-take and a train of compromises which the narcissist acutely interprets to mean a loss of control over his life.
To reassert control, the narcissist initiates other relationships in which he dictates the terms of engagement (love affairs). - Narcissists are terrified of intimacy. Their behavior is best characterized as an approach-avoidance repetition complex. Adultery is an excellent tool in the attempt to retard intimacy and resort to a less threatening mode of interaction.
Somatic & Cerebral Narcissists
Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question:
- Somatic Narcissist
- Cerebral Narcissist
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
Sex And The Narcissist
The somatic narcissist uses sex to “conquer” and “secure” new sources of narcissistic supply.
Consequently, the somatic rarely gets emotionally-involved with his “targets”.
His is a mechanical act, devoid of intimacy and commitment. The cerebral narcissist feels that sex is demeaning and degrading. Acting on one’s sex drive is a primitive, basic, and common impulse.
The cerebral narcissist convinces himself that he is above all that, endowed as he is with superior intelligence and superhuman self-control.
Still, sex for both types of narcissists is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Narcissistic Supply.
If it happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal, he makes profligate use of it.
In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) – he resorts to sex.
The Beginnings Of Cheating
He then becomes a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners.
His sex partners are considered by him to be objects – sources of Narcissistic Supply.
It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic “fix”.
The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art.
He usually exposes this side of him – in great detail – to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration.
The Act of Conquest Leads to Partner Hopping
Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination – the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another.
Some narcissists prefer “complicated” situations. If men – they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian women, etc.
The more “difficult” the target – the more rewarding the narcissistic outcome.
Rationalizing Behavior
Such a narcissist may be married, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any explicit or implicit contract between him and his spouse.
He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is merely taking advantage of them and that they do not constitute a threat and should not be taken seriously by his spouse.
In his mind a clear separation exists between the honest “woman of his life (really, a saint) and the whores that he is having sex with.
With the exception of the meaningful women in his life, he tends to view all females in a bad light.
His behavior, thus, achieves a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand – and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and traumas (abandonment by Primary Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for instance).
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How Narcissists React To Abandonment
When inevitably abandoned by his spouse – the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy.
Still, deep inside, he feels compelled to continue to pursue precisely the same path.
Depression and Anger
His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following a period of deep depression and suicidal ideation – the narcissist is likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, ready for the next round of hunting.
RELATED ARTICLE: Alphabetical List Of Mental Disorders
But there is another type of narcissist.
He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects. However, with him, this is a secondary behavior. It appears mainly after major narcissistic traumas and crises.
A painful divorce, a devastating personal financial upheaval – and this type of narcissist adopts the view that the “old” (intellectual) solutions do not work anymore.
He frantically gropes and searches for new ways to attract attention, to restore his False Ego (=his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.
Sex is handy and is a great source of the right kind of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is comprehensive (it encompasses all the aspects of the narcissist’s being), natural, highly charged, adventurous, and pleasurable.
Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexual activities – very frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters.
Recovery and Isolation from Other Women
However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored – this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours.
He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexual activities deteriorates from a few times a day – to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities – anything but sex.
This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to develop following a sexual encounter.
In general, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually – but also emotionally. If married – he loses all overt interest in his spouse, sexual or otherwise.
He confines himself to his world and makes sure that he is sufficiently busy to preclude any interaction with his nearest (and supposedly dearest).
He becomes completely immersed in “big projects”, lifelong plans, a vision, or a cause – all very rewarding narcissistically and all very demanding and time consuming. In such circumstances, sex inevitably becomes an obligation, a necessity, or a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to preserve his sources of supply (his family or household).
The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and by far prefers masturbation or “objective”, emotionless sex, like going to prostitutes.
Actually, he uses his mate or spouse as an “alibi”, a shield against the attentions of other women, an insurance policy which preserves his virile image while making it socially and morally commendable for him to avoid any intimate or sexual contact with others.
Ostentatiously ignoring women other than his wife (a form of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: “I am a faithful husband”.
At the same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal pleasures.
The narcissist’s thwarted logic goes something like this: “I am married/attached to this woman. Therefore, I am not allowed to be in any form of contact with other women which might be interpreted as more than casual or businesslike.
This is why I refrain from having anything to do with women – because I am being faithful, as opposed to most other immoral men.
However, I do not like this situation. I envy my free peers. They can have as much sex and romance as they want to – while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my wife, my freedom curbed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her.”
Thus frustrated, the narcissist minimizes all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, very intimate friends): sexual, verbal, or emotional.
He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially.
His reclusion insures against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. But, again, this way he also secures abandonment and the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Finally, he really is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.
The Cycle Begins Again
In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.
The second type of narcissist is mostly sexually loyal to his spouse. He alternates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully repressed sexuality).
In the second phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most basic. He is, therefore, not compelled to “cheat” upon his mate, betray her, or violate the marital vows.
He is much more interested in preventing a worrisome dwindling of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that really matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no better.
Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits.
In extreme cases, they might introduce “live witnesses” and revert to total, classical exhibitionism. This sits well with their tendency to “objectify” their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to indulge in autoerotic sex.
The exhibitionist sees himself reflected in the eyes of the beholders. This constitutes the main sexual stimulus, this is what turns him on. This outside “look” is also what defines the narcissist.
There is bound to be a connection. One (the exhibitionist) may be the culmination, the “pure case” of the other (the narcissist).
Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye
And all my soul and all my every part;
And for this sin there is no remedy,
It is so grounded inward in my heart.
Methinks no face so gracious is as mine,
No shape so true, no truth of such account;
And for myself mine own worth do define,
As I all other in all worths surmount.
But when my glass shows me myself indeed,
Beated and chopp’d with tann’d antiquity,
Mine own self-love quite contrary I read;
Self so self-loving were iniquity.
‘Tis thee, myself, that for myself I praise,
Painting my age with beauty of thy days.
(Sonnet 62, William Shakespeare)
10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them
In This Article
Do you suspect your partner may be cheating on you? Do they tend to disappear for days on end and not answer your calls until they return? Do they get all accusatory when you confront them about disappearances and unfaithful behavior?
Are they constantly glued to their phone and shady on social media?
As much as you may not want to hear it, you may be dealing with a cheating narcissist.
These are only some of the common narcissist cheating signs. But before exploring them, let’s dig deeper into narcissistic cheater traits and the reasons for infidelity.
Who is a narcissistic person?
Narcissistic people often feel entitled and superior to others and have a massive ego that they need to feed regularly. They crave constant attention and want people to admire them.
They are self-centered, manipulative, and often project their infidelity to their partner.
They feel the need to control their partner, and that power trip isn’t satisfied with just one person. The more people they seduce, the more powerful they feel.
Do narcissists feel remorse for cheating on their partners?
Unfortunately, they don’t.
If they felt any guilt, they would perhaps be able to change their behavior and stop cheating.
No consequence is enough to turn them around because, in their eyes, cheating isn’t anything serious.
It’s just a way to make them feel better about themselves.
And since they lack remorse for their actions, nothing stops them from doing it again.
Related Reading: Signs You Are Married to a Narcissist
Why do narcissists cheat and lie?
Narcissists often cheat because they have little to no self-control. It’s not usually in their nature to resist the temptation to feed their ego with new sources of attention.
Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy and shame, and a constant need for narcissistic supply are the key reasons why narcissists lie and cheat on their partners.
Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.
Now that you have a better idea of why narcissists lie and cheat, you may be wondering:
Do all narcissists cheat on their partners?
Narcissists and cheating often go hand in hand, but you’ll be happy to know that not all narcissists cheat.
You wouldn’t say that all cheaters are narcissists, would you? The same goes the other way around.
Just because your partner may have some narcissistic cheater traits doesn’t mean that they’re going to sneak behind your back and become unfaithful.
Still, a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) does make a person more likely to lie and cheat for no good reason and do it repeatedly.
Related Reading: How to Deal With a Narcissist in a Relationship?
10 signs a narcissist is cheating on you
Knowing narcissist cheating signs and how to recognize that your partner may be having an affair can save you a lot of potential pain and heartache.
These are the telltale narcissist cheating signs you should be aware of:
1. Disappearing frequently and being vague about their whereaboutsThe first in the list of narcissist cheating signs is that many cheating narcissists tend to drop off the face of the Earth regularly and not take their partner’s calls for hours or days on end.
Even if you live together, they may not find it difficult to find excuses to go away for several days. They could say they’re visiting a friend or a distant relative that lives in another city.
Obviously, they don’t need to disappear for long periods to have an affair. But if they’re unreachable for hours, they may be seeing someone else.
2. Flirting on social mediaFlirting with someone else on social media may be a sign a narcissist is cheating on you.
You know what they say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
If you confront your partner about it, they may say that they’re only friends. However, if they’re publicly flirting on social media, it only means they don’t respect you or care about what you or others might think.
3. Not putting their phone down or letting you anywhere near itOne of the narcissist cheating signs or for anyone, in general, is that when anyone is cheating, they usually communicate with their flings via text messages.
That’s why their phone isn’t likely to leave their side. It’s also always password-protected.
If there’s a chance of their fling calling, they’re likely to keep their phone in silent mode and inside their pocket.
4. Accusing you of having an affair“The best defense is a good offense.”
If you accuse your narcissistic partner of having an affair, they’re probably going to deny it, even if it’s true.
But to turn the focus away from their infidelity, they might start accusing you of cheating. Projection is a narcissist’s defense mechanism and clearly one of the narcissist cheating signs that they use to play the victim and throw you off the scent.
5. Sudden changes in behaviorHas your partner started paying much more attention to their hygiene and appearance? Have they started being sneaky and coming home late? Maybe they no longer answer their phone while you’re around?
If you notice any unusual behavior changes that indicate infidelity, and your gut is telling you that something fishy is going on, it may be one of those narcissist cheating signs, and you may be right.
If your partner suddenly seems uninterested in you physically, they may be satisfying their needs elsewhere.
The same is true if they start displaying a higher libido than usual. It may mean that the person they’re cheating you with isn’t currently available, so they turn to you again.
7. Canceling plans frequentlyWhether you’re dating a cheating narcissist or you’re married to one, canceling plans at the last minute may be signs of a narcissist cheating as they’ve made other plans.
They may say it’s because of work or anything else important that came up. While that may be true at times, it screams infidelity if it happens all the time.
8. Avoiding a conversation about their cagey behaviorConfronting a narcissist about lies, cheating, and their cagey behavior only makes them behave shadier. They rarely want to talk things out because they aren’t likely to admit they’re seeing someone else, which is one of the important signs of a cheating narcissist.
If you accuse your partner of cheating, you may give them an excellent excuse to disappear for a while to avoid having a serious conversation.
9. Showering you with gifts out of the blueIf your partner isn’t used to buying you gifts, but they start doing it frequently, they may be trying to throw you off the scent of their unfaithful actions.
Making you feel special all of a sudden is one of the most common manipulation techniques of a narcissist. They make their partners think they’re thoughtful and caring and that they would never cheat on them.
The video below talks about different games narcissists play, like dehumanizing, blame-shifting, etc. Find out more:
If you’re dating a cheating narcissist, you probably don’t have an insight into their spending.
But if you’re married to one and discover unidentifiable charges on their credit card, they may be buying gifts for someone else.
Talking about finances are essential in marriage but such signs of a cheating narcissist are true if they insist you switch to separate bank accounts after having a joint account for years.
Related Reading: Can a Narcissist Change for Love?
What happens when you confront a narcissist cheater?
If you notice any of the red flags above and they turn out to be true, it’s important to understand that cheating is not your fault. Most narcissists will cheat on anyone they’re with, especially when the relationship or marriage is already well-established.
It’s also crucial to understand that being cheated on by a narcissist doesn’t mean that you’re less intelligent than they are.
Quite the contrary.
Narcissists often think they’re cleverer than their partners and that they can get away with cheating.
Underestimating their partners is how they make mistakes and get caught.
Now, confronting a narcissist cheater may not go the way you imagine.
When a narcissist is caught cheating and lying, they often make up a heap of more lies to convince you that they’ve been nothing but faithful. Even if you have evidence of cheating, they’re likely to deny everything and even project their infidelity onto you.
Getting angry and gaslighting you may also be their response.
But what happens when they can no longer deny the evidence? What if you catch them in the act?
Then they might blame you for their cheating.
They may think of a dozen reasons why it was allegedly your behavior that made them seek attention outside your relationship or marriage. Narcissists will say anything to turn the focus away from them and blame it on someone else.
Related Reading: What Revenge Tactics You Can Expect from a NarcissistTakeaway
If you can, try to talk with your partner
These narcissist cheating signs may not always indicate an affair.
But if your partner displays those signs, you should have an honest talk with them to try and find out the reasons for their behavior. The way they respond when you confront them should tell you if they’ve been faithful or not.
If you want to work on your relationship, you should see a mental health professional or a relationship counselor to sort things out, especially if the relationship is not an abusive one.
But even if they haven’t been cheating, you may be better off without them. You deserve a loving, caring, and loyal partner who respects you and makes you happy.
Kim Saeed. Becoming the "other woman"
I can't count the number of women I've interacted with who were in a relationship or married to a narcissist and then, in an unexpected turn of events, became the "other woman."
While the narcissist's infidelities are unfair in themselves, the saddest thing is that when it happens, the woman feels extremely lonely, because she is sure that she is the only "crazy" person to whom this has happened.
She doesn't know: this often happens to women involved in abusive relationships with a narcissist. In fact, this is one of the clearest signs of serious pathological narcissistic manipulation. nine0003
Think about who, at the initial stage of a relationship, would agree that their partner has a mistress? And if later the narcissist suddenly gets bored or his main partner “can’t serve him,” does that change anything?
You are shocked, aren't you? If you've never been through something like this, you may feel resentment when you imagine yourself in that situation. If you've been through this, you've probably felt disgusted. This is the usual reaction of those who have moral guidelines and know how to sympathize with other people. The narcissist has neither conscience nor empathy. He is least concerned about how his lies affect the lives of those who are presumably close to him. In confirmation of this, I received an email from a woman whose narcissistic husband deceived her and retired while she was in the hospital, preparing for the birth of their common child.
nine0003
If you have become the “other woman”, you are not alone. It may seem impossible at the moment, but you can put an end to this injustice right now and restore your dignity and self-worth. But first, I will explain how the narcissist's new lover became the "main woman" and you became the "other woman" who languishes alone in anticipation of his return.
1. End of the story
At some point, the narcissist decides that you are no longer a quality supplier for him. The reason for this can be something trivial, such as your request to put your dirty clothes in a laundry basket, or your fatigue after a 12-hour day that prevented you from preparing a four-course dinner. That is the usual manifestation of narcissistic egoism. Or maybe the scandal that you gave him after you caught him watching pornography or texting other women on Facebook. One way or another, at one point you fell off the pedestal, and he went in search of other resource providers. You have met his unsightly underside, and he can no longer live side by side with you.
The essence of narcissism is precisely the avoidance of any responsibility. nine0003
2. Fresh supplier
At this stage, the narcissist goes in search of a new source of resource. It's like going to a car dealership and then test driving different models. This is exactly what the narcissist does in the search phase. He does not focus on a single model, but wants to try the possibilities of different options, so behind your back he openly flirts and seduces new victims.
After finding an acceptable replacement, he begins the phase of rejection and depreciation. It immediately hits your self-confidence and weaknesses. Does and says everything to make you feel completely worthless. It works. Moreover, your negative feelings about yourself are intensified by the fact that he begins to brag to you about his new woman. nine0003
3. Switch
And here you are - "another woman". And the real JJ became his new love interest, and he abandoned you. Often he deliberately pushes both of you.
At the same time, she may gloat and show a sanctimonious attitude, but she does not realize that you simply did not know anything about her until the last minute.
While you resent your partner for lying to you and hiding his infidelity, she is convinced that, despite the fact that the narcissist had long ago told you about a new affair, you continued to pursue him simply because your mind went off. This scenario is often used by the narcissist to destroy you completely. Remember that you got to know his unpleasant underside? He should be compensated for this. The only way to achieve what you want is to demonstrate how important it is to someone else - to demonstrate its importance to the new supplier. nine0003
So you got the upper hand: he threw you out like yesterday's hamburger. The time and love you invested in the relationship is gone like a candy wrapper gone with the wind. Your self-esteem is destroyed, and you believe that no one will ever pay attention to you for the rest of your life.
You feel this way because the narcissist brainwashed you and you believed him. Like a person with Baby Elephant Syndrome (Elephant Syndrome is an expression for learned helplessness learned from childhood, which becomes part of the person’s personality and hinders their development), you are trapped in your own limiting beliefs. nine0003
You believed the narcissist while he went around in circles, pretending to think long and hard about starting over, when in fact he simply decided to prevent letting someone else win your heart, and this will not happen as long as you have any hope for him!
In the narcissist's mind, you are his property. Even though he doesn't really want a relationship with you, he also doesn't want you to have a relationship with someone else. He tossed a few crumbs at you to see if you would fall for his tricks, and you did. You gave him the key to your new apartment. You let him get back into your bed. You started paying his bills again while he was feeding fables about how he was "hooked" in a relationship with a new woman.
According to him, the only reason he contacted her was that she offered him something that you do not have (money, social connections, additional privileges, etc.). Although you were not a good wife, he is still attached to you and does not want to lose you ... do you know this? At the very time when you were ready for endless waiting until he gave you a free moment, while he did not spoil you with his attention day after day ... as long as you treat it like that, he will continue in the same spirit . nine0003
It's not love
You think you're still in love, but it's not love... it's your toxic app. You have heard of toxic bonds: you are both connected energetically, and since your relationship was intense, these bonds are quite strong and tangible. These destructive energy connections were part of the relationship. These connections are supported by memories of betrayal, anger, hatred, sadness, fear, rejection, and so on. Even if you no longer see each other, toxic emotions bind you, which are reflected in your peace of mind, health and happiness.
nine0003
Due to the presence of toxic connections and the narcissist-induced state, you are energetically and mentally connected to your tormentor. You are in a "trance of unworthiness". You approach your abuser in the hope that he will recognize your dignity, but this will not happen. Never.
You yourself are the only person who can recognize your worth, which does not have to be earned. You already have it. It is buried under a sense of personal inferiority, and only after recognizing your worth will you embark on the path of real healing. I recommend a book that will help your Unconditional Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach, Ph. D.
Self love
In conclusion, to truly heal, you must end all ties with the narcissist. As a result, he will still leave you floundering in a shameful pit. Whatever he says, he doesn't love you. He doesn't love anyone... not even his new girlfriend, despite the fact that his attitude towards her may be outwardly similar to love.
Kim Saeed
From: http://letmereach.com/2014/02/22/how-you-became-the-other-woman/
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Tags: kim saeed, narcissism
"My husband is a narcissist" | Relationship Psychology
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November 08, 2020
I think you have already figured out what to do with daffodils when meeting - run and run again. But what if the husband is a narcissist? You can’t just run away here, although some women decide to break off relationships. nine0080
Narcissists do not know how to compromise
Julia writes:
“My husband immediately says during some misunderstandings: “You are sick, it is impossible to talk to you.” Although I always try to talk calmly and look for a compromise solution for both.
He immediately falls into uncontrolled aggression, screams, even runs away from home. And then he comes back and acts like nothing happened.
A characteristic feature of narcissists is that they always blame you for every quarrel. No matter what happens, no matter how you behave, you will always be to blame. Women who are in a relationship with a narcissist and often live in such situations, after the accusation, they really think: “Yes, I did something wrong, I need to work with myself, I need to change ... And he was just tired of seeing me like this, he’s loves me, but it’s hard with me…”
And she's really trying to fit into the mold that the narcissist puts on her. For what? But the narcissist sometimes satisfies her needs - in attention, in the care that she dreamed of. Or maybe he is the embodiment of the man of her dreams. For the sake of these rare moments of happiness, she is ready to betray herself. She is ready to meet his expectations, reshape herself for him, become his ideal, from which he definitely will not leave.
She sacrifices herself, her principles, life goals, priorities, relationships with family and friends, and many other things. nine0003
What if my husband is a narcissist?
I was often asked by the wives of narcissists: “How to behave with a narcissistic husband? How to manage them? No way. You will never be able to understand them, to feel them, because you have a very serious difference: he does not have a soul, but you do. And you will argue from this point of view - from the point of view of a person with a soul.
By the way, I was asked a very interesting question: "Is there anything the narcissist is afraid of?" Yes, I have. He is afraid of the only thing - rejection. If you ignore him, or close yourself behind a wall of indifference, he will not be able to bear it. Tenderness, passion, screaming, tears, anger - this is what he can understand, because these are emotions, and he feeds on them. As soon as you stop loving the narcissist, as soon as your soul becomes indifferent to him, the narcissist will leave.
Because he will be lost, he will not get what he created a relationship with you for. Lack of emotion for a narcissist is like leaving a person without water and food. Narcissus will feel bad, he will feel unbearable. And he will leave you in search of a new victim. nine0003
That is why indifference is the last straw in a relationship with a narcissist. Until the narcissist destroys you to the ground, he will not calm down, because until then he will have something to receive from you.
When you turn away from him, become indifferent - the narcissist will lose interest in you, or take everything away, leaving an empty shell that can be thrown away.
I will continue to analyze this topic, as I see that the topic has found a huge response among readers. nine0003
If you haven't read my previous articles on narcissism, here are links to them:
- Beware! Narcissus!
- Relationship with a narcissist is destructive
- About daffodils in detail
- Why does a narcissistic man need a relationship
- The relationship of a narcissist and an emotionally dependent woman
With love,
Irina Gavrilova-Dempsey
Subscribe to me and you will find yourself in a transformational space where your inner changes will begin to take place.
