I don t feel human anymore

Friends of Alexei Sviridov call him a cold person. He rationalizes everything and wants to find an explanation for everything. In 30 years, he has never had a romantic relationship for more than six months. And his friendships are based more on rituals and practical mutual assistance than on empathy.

“I don't know how I feel when I like someone. I understand that a person suits me when I see that he has a sense of humor, intelligence, hobbies similar to me (anime, podcasts, computer games, boxing or art cinema) and he knows how to tell stories cool, ”says Alexey.

New partners often appear in his bed, which he finds in tinder.

But sometimes Aleksey meets mistresses "awesome, like a dessert that you can't get enough of." But he quickly gets fed up with them, after which he goes in search of new ones.

The guy does not think that he has any psychological problems, and only interaction with others makes him think that something is wrong with him. When someone jokes, he smiles and says that he is funny. When someone cries, he can hug. But at the same time, Alexei does not feel how his mood changes depending on the situation. In fact, he knows how to select masks with different emotions that match the context.

32-year-old Vera also memorized emotional responses appropriate for different situations.

Like Alexei Sviridov, the girl does not like any illogical things - for example, excessive emotionality in work processes. At the same time, Vera cannot describe what she feels if her colleagues react too violently: “I believe that“ annoying ”and“ angry ”are the right words.”

Before her marriage, her personal life did not work out: partners did not have enough response from her:

“I heard in my address that I cannot support. And once I was told that I did not express myself softly or politely enough. True, then the situation concerned a person who did not bother me, and I did not find it necessary to portray some kind of emotion, but people often call directness rudeness.

Once Vera participated in a psychological study of women. Based on its results, the interviewer suggested that she might have alexithymia - reduced ability to feel, recognize and express emotions. Later, the psychologist confirmed this guess with the help of special tests.

Alexithymia is not a psychiatric diagnosis, but a condition that may accompany Asperger's syndrome, depression, PTSD, schizophrenia and other mental disorders or exist separately. Many do not even realize that they have this feature and do not turn to a specialist, so it is difficult to determine how many people experience such difficulties. Despite this, British researcher Rebecca Brewer believes that every tenth person is alexithymic.

Psychiatrist Kirill Sychev says that he often encountered alexithymia in his patients. “But, as a rule, they came to me with other complaints, and alexithymia was perceived more as a character trait, they simply did not imagine that it could be different,” he clarifies.

Vera describes her alexithymism as a perfect balance, that is, a state of zero without pluses and minuses. And Alexey compares alexithymics with asexuals.

Others may consider such people "crackers" because they cannot show with the help of words, gestures and facial expressions what they feel. But in fact, only some of them do not experience emotions at all. Kirill Sychev recalls that in his practice he has never met completely insensitive alexithymics: "A complete lack of empathy is already closer to personality disorders. "

Most people with alexithymic traits are still able to feel, only they are not aware of their emotions or their shades. For them, the phrase is typical: "I feel something, but I don't understand what."

Aleksey, for example, can accurately identify fear when he rises to a considerable height. And at the same time, he doesn’t know what it means to worry about extra pounds or whether his boss will tell him off at the meeting.

Let's be honest: for many of us it is difficult to catch some experiences, such as mild irritation. But most people will not confuse this feeling with joy or sorrow. An alexithymic may well do this or interpret the irritation as a physical sensation.

Most likely, you will perceive "butterflies in the stomach" as excitement, and a person with alexithymia may consider that this is a simple hunger. The “lump in the throat”, which we feel when we are very upset, for him will be something really stuck in the throat.

Strong experiences that alexithymics feel in the body can frustrate and frighten them. For example, horror or falling in love, which are accompanied by a rapid pulse and sweating, can be read by them as a physical discomfort that needs to be quickly eliminated.

“I remember looking into the eyes of a girl I had been dating for a couple of months and I felt something strange in my chest, like something was shaking there. I understood that she was beautiful and we had good sex, in which we experimented freely. But I didn’t like the state that appeared next to her at that moment, so I told her a little later that I wanted to leave. She was shocked because she thought I was confessing my love to her. But what is love? Maybe it was her?" Alexei argues.

Psychologists Beate Herbert, Olga Pollatos, and Cornelia Herbert found that the better we sense bodily changes, the better we understand our emotions. And with alexithymia, on the contrary, it is difficult for a person to focus on the internal processes of the body - Oxford professor Geoffrey Bird came to this conclusion.

For the first time, alexithymia began to be studied in connection with the body. Psychiatry professor Peter Sifneos, who coined the term in the 1970s, researched the personality traits of patients in psychosomatic clinics. Some patients could not clearly articulate their emotional state and convey bodily sensations in words. Their postures and movements were tense, their facial expressions were poor, and the actions of these people resembled robots. But what was primary - manifestations in the body or alexithymia, then could not be determined.

The Russian-Soviet psychiatrist Pyotr Gannushkin in his book Clinic of Psychopathies: Their Statics, Dynamics, Systematics wrote that it is alexithymia that can be a factor predisposing to obesity in combination with depression.

The same applies to alcohol abuse. According to the Polish sociologist Marek Zelkowski and his colleagues, 48% of male patients with alcohol dependence had alexithymia. And the American scientist Leonard Handelsman found that the level of alexithymia among alcoholics is higher than among people without addiction.

Moreover, alexithymia is believed to be associated with coronary heart disease, diabetes mellitus, bronchial asthma, gastric and duodenal ulcers, Crohn's disease, malignant neoplasms, and chronic pain.

“My emotional peculiarity is strongly connected with psychosomatics. Stressful situations strongly affect the body, and I quickly get tired of communicating with people, ”says Vera, who was recently diagnosed with abdominal pain.

This is pain in the abdominal cavity, the causes of which may be psychogenic. Gastroenterologist Emilia Yakovenko explains why chronic pain in the abdominal cavity is closely associated with depression - the point is insufficient synthesis of serotonin. Therefore, antidepressants work well with both depression and abdominal pain.

Alexithymics find it difficult not only to identify sensations in their bodies, but also to understand other people's experiences. Studies by Professor Jeff Bird have shown that such people distinguish between a smile and a frowning person in a photo. However, some do not have the slightest idea what these facial expressions mean.

“Someone suffers after a breakup, someone is worried about the lack of money. I can tell them: "It must be hard for you now" or "I'm happy for you." But in reality, I have no idea what it all means. I don't have such problems. That is, I also had partings and difficulties with finances, but I didn’t care. I didn’t kill myself, but prescribed a plan of action or told myself that there was nothing to worry about, ”the guy explains.

Vera also has no sympathy:

“I try to evaluate the person and the situation. There are those for whom it is enough to hear "Everything will be fine." There are people who are only pissed off by such words. Then I try to express understanding, to say something positive, to wish something, to share advice.”

In addition, due to her peculiarity, Vera finds it easier to endure difficult situations.

Problems with empathy are not the only things alexithymics have to put up with. Candidate of Biological Sciences Anna Iskusnykh writes that they also have a reduced ability to imagine and be creative, and their thinking is concrete and mechanistic. Jason Thompson, author of The Emotionally Dumb: A Review of Alexithymia, describes their communication style as coherent and logical, but "without poetic overtones."

It may seem that alexithymics are boring and will discuss excels and plans for tomorrow with you. But this is not so. Alexey is a rather erudite man. He can talk about DNA and RNA in such a way that you will immediately understand the essence, even if someone erased all your knowledge of biology. Or retell in detail the biography of serial killer Ted Bundy so vividly that you will dream of all the horrors of his bloody crimes. Besides, he jokes a lot. But if you think it's not comme il faut to trump other people's stand-up jokes, you won't like his humor.

But Alexey's profession seems to confirm the description of Anna Iskusnykh: he works as a financial analyst in a large IT company. There is not a lot of creativity in profit reports, but Sviridov is sure that finding cause-and-effect relationships is real creativity.

Vera, on the contrary, is a very creative person. She is an artist, draws comics and illustrations for fairy tales:

“Alexithymia is not a disease with a strict set of symptoms. I have no problem with fantasy. On the contrary, imaginative thinking sometimes helps me describe a feeling that I cannot identify and name in one word.

There are three theories about why some people don't "get along" with their emotions.

Theory No. 1 is biological. She considers primary alexithymia, the causes of which are in genes, defects or developmental features of the brain.

“There is scientific evidence that dysfunction of the anterior cingulate cortex and disorders in the right hemisphere can lead to alexithymia. The reason may also be a decrease in the corpus callosum: in this case, the emotional information that is formed in the right hemisphere is transmitted worse to the left, ”comments psychiatrist Kirill Sychev.

Experiments by the candidate of psychological sciences Irina Korosteleva and the psychophysiologist Vadim Rotenberg confirm that people do not recognize emotional experiences when they have impaired interaction between the left and right hemispheres. It turned out that patients who underwent surgery for transection at the level of the corpus callosum had a decreased ability to symbolize, fantasize, and they were less likely to dream.

Theory No. 2 is psychological. She associates alexithymia with trauma and views it as a defense mechanism. An important feature of this state is the lack of reflection, one of the mechanisms of self-regulation. For some reason, alexithymics have not developed a need for regulation. For example, if in childhood the parents decided everything for the child, as it was with Alexei.

Sviridov Sr. died of a heroin overdose when Lesha was one and a half years old. Fearing that her son might repeat the path of his father, his mother planned his life in advance: the best school at any cost, circles, sports clubs, university. Alexei was surrounded by care all the time, choking any sensual manifestations. He could not be angry with his mother for not allowing her to play with the boys in the yard. He was forbidden to talk about liking girls because "it distracted from his studies." His emotional range was very poor and, apparently, it has remained so to this day.

Theory No. 3 is sociological. She attributes alexithymia to social and cultural factors. Firstly, the specific educational approach in the family may be the reason.

Vera assumes that her mother and father are also alexithymics, because she notices behavior patterns similar to hers - which means that it was the family atmosphere (and genetics) that made her "that way." If the parent does not empathically respond to the baby's emotions, does not mirror them, calling surprise surprise, and anger - anger, the child does not learn to understand his experiences.

On the other hand, cultural characteristics can also squeeze out the emotional component. Perhaps for this reason, alexithymia is more common and more pronounced in men.

Psychologist Ronald Levant even hypothesized that "normative male alexithymia" is a limited emotionality that is influenced by the traditional representation of masculinity. The more severe the gender socialization of the boy, the more alexithymic the adult male will become. If a boy was simply told that he shouldn't cry "because only girls do that," then in the future he may suppress the emotions that cause tears. And if a belt or something heavier came to him for crying, then later he may show dissociation.

Psychoanalyst John Nemia proposed the concept "psychic production of emotions" . Every person has its deficiency to varying degrees, and not just alexithymics. It is difficult for some to express at least some experiences in words - while others, with the help of metaphors, will tell about the vivid feelings that they experienced while standing in front of the expressionist painting, but at the same time they will not be able to convey what they feel in relation to a particular person.

In the course of life, we all learn to say and show what we feel, including in the psychotherapist's office. The specialist helps to work out the affect, that is, to translate bodily experience into images and words. As a result, a person can express in words feelings, the existence of which he had not even suspected before. This may help him get rid of compulsive actions (such as overeating), which were his only way to suppress unconscious sensations.

« In working with alexithymics, cognitive-behavioral methods specially developed for them are usually used. They also use the psychodynamic approach and the mentalization method. All of them are aimed at teaching the brain to identify emotions,” comments Kirill Sychev.

Pumping the mental production of emotions is useful not only for people with alexithymia, but also for any person, because it affects intellectual growth, health and quality of life in general.

For starters, you can read Paul Ekman's book “The Psychology of Emotions.

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