I am unmotivated and depressed

And now, let's say, on this path, some kind of failure happens to you, even if not at all fatal, just a mistake, but you immediately want to give up everything, run away, hide and never, never return to this path, in which every step gives you discomfort and worries. You feel that you are not cool, you seem powerless to yourself and rapidly devalue your past achievements, you begin to think that you will not succeed, and give up. Familiar, right? nine0003

Finding motivation after such a “failure” becomes a painful process – where can one get it, this magical power of inspiration? And in general, what kind of inspiration are we talking about if you have to grit your teeth again and set off towards new suffering? With this approach, everything turns into a test of will: going to the gym, and dieting, and learning a new business - it seems to you that you can succeed only by making a colossal leap at the limit of human capabilities. These last jumps and guilt when you gave up once again make you seriously doubt that it could be otherwise. nine0003

Is there life after such peak points? All resources were thrown at climbing to the goal, and after that it takes a long recovery of emotions and physical strength, and this all-consuming fear - and what if you don’t hold this level and roll back again, and again all over again! Just not this! I worked with a client who for almost a year could not decide to look for a new job after she was unexpectedly fired from a very good position in an international holding. She was depressed and incredibly afraid that this situation would happen to her again, in another company. But when we began to understand the situation, it turned out that she never liked her job and held on to it mainly because her parents and friends thought it was a dream career. nine0003

It took a while to figure out what she really wanted to do. As often happens, the answer turned out to be in a completely different direction, but when it was found, panic fear was replaced by enthusiasm.

If now you feel that you again need to exert yourself with all your strength, cheer up, pull yourself together for the sake of the cause, for the sake of the goal, endure, clench your fists and crawl forward, then you are just used to living with a carrot from behind. But you don't seem to like it!

No one likes to live like a hamster in a cage, running in one place, on an ever-spinning wheel, even the hamster himself, most likely, this is not a joy. But unlike him, you can realize how exhausting it is and how barbarically it takes away your strength and resources to earn money, create a family, and do what you love. And then you need to master the second type of motivation, which is associated with the realization of your desires. nine0003

And desires are what gives you pleasure (the root of the word is “will”, that is, freedom to do what you want, and having a choice).

And then neither the fear of a mistake, nor the anxiety that it will not work out is not needed - you just do what you love every day and enjoy it in the process, you go your own way, towards your dreams, and not a single step on this road does not leave you indifferent, does not frighten you and does not cause resistance. Even in moments when something goes wrong, you do not lose inspiration, enthusiasm and faith in yourself. nine0003

Yes, you need to learn this type of motivation, you need to change the system of your internal choices from “need” to “want”.

And you can start doing it right now. A few simple tasks will help you change the vector of your movement.

• Answer the question honestly for yourself: is your goal (or goals) that you need motivation to achieve really yours? Why do you think so?
• Write down 10 answers to the question why you need it.
• Write down all the beliefs (related to your desires) that slow you down, and continue them with the word “but”.
• Make a list of 10 of your wishes - things you just want to do, not because you have to. Ride horses, draw a picture, attend a vocal class, start writing a book or short stories? Why not! The main thing is that this is what you want.
• Realize 1 wish from point 4 already before the New Year - this will give you a boost of energy and motivation! Remember this feeling and repeat endlessly! nine0038

There is no point in postponing the enjoyment of life, and there is no point in living in anxiety and tension, because both are a matter of your choice and the decision you made about how to live on. Only you decide.

Photo: GETTY IMAGES; @HAMIDAHBRINKLEY

How to motivate your child to learn: simple ways that will help you

Surely every parent has wondered at least once - how to teach a child to be independent without hassle and disappointment? How to teach children to do homework with joy, to make the learning process exciting for the children themselves. Our new blogger Anna Chirkova tells how to work with children's motivation. nine0003

In recent years, the practice of teachers shows that the number of children who do not seek knowledge is constantly growing. It appears even in primary school students.

Unwillingness to learn is manifested in the fact that children forget to do their homework, they have a mess in textbooks and desks, they draw in class, look out the window, talk with classmates, they are bored in class. Such children may blame teachers for their poor grades, but most often they do not care at all about poor performance. nine0003

Why do children not want to study? Even teachers with experience are not always ready to unequivocally answer this question, but we will try to give the simplest and most effective ways to motivate your child.

The reasons why children do not want to study are different, there are quite a lot of them. Let's analyze some of them.

1. The child is too small for school. Parents think that their children are ready for school if they see that they know a lot for their age. But even if your child is smart enough, and you think not to take him an extra year to kindergarten, this does not mean that he is psychologically ready for school. Most likely, the child will not be able to obey certain rules. In addition, it is more difficult for young children to sit for a long time in the classroom without moving. nine0003

2. Conflicts with teachers. Often, even the teachers themselves are not aware of the conflict with their pupils. They may notice that the student has poor academic performance, his behavior has changed, although, as it seems to the teacher, there was no conflict as such. In fact, the child could hear unpleasant words addressed to him or hold a grudge against the teacher's behavior. The child may feel depressed, feel fear, he develops a negative attitude towards the teacher. In most cases, children do not want to tell their parents about their fears related to school, this preserves the conflict and the difficulties associated with it. nine0003

3. Conflicts with students. If such a problem has already developed, then it can be very difficult to correct it without consequences for the child.

4. Physical defects. For example, stuttering, trembling of the limbs, and others. It is very difficult for children to get used to the idea that they are somehow different from their peers. It becomes especially difficult in cases where the shortcomings cause bullying and laughter from classmates. Knowing about his problem, the child does not want to become the center of attention, feel humiliated and once again appear at school. nine0003

5. Family conflicts. Scandals between parents and other family members. Often such a child closes in on himself due to experiences, he not only loses his motivation for learning, he is rarely interested in anything at all.

6. Pressure on the child from parents and relatives . We set high standards for children, sending them to the best schools where education is conducted at a higher level, we enroll in various sections. Just imagine how many sections parents try to send their children to without taking into account the opinion of the children themselves. Parents scream, get indignant, scold children if they bring bad grades or simply do not reach the results of their classmates. Think about it, maybe you are putting too much pressure on the children, forcing them to do what they do not want. nine0003

What factors influence interest in learning

1. Interest in the subjects studied . Often, children lose interest in studying some subjects just because they seem boring to children. However, you need to make it clear to the child that in all lessons they provide the necessary information that develops different skills, so it is important to study all subjects. There are many disciplines, the study of which requires more work. In this case, you need to find another motivation. Much depends on the teacher, who is able to explain complex things in simple language and thus simplify the learning process. nine0003

2. Method of studying objects . In elementary grades, it is much easier for children to learn with the help of active methods, discussions and games. The teacher should pay attention to the fact that tasks like “rewriting textbooks” and “working on our own” reduce interest in the subject, while creative and various unusual ones, on the contrary, increase.

3. Perception of information . Some children perceive information better through sight, others through hearing, others through images. The effectiveness of teaching children largely depends on the type of perception of information. Parents themselves can choose the ways of teaching the child if they understand his peculiarities of perception of information. nine0003

4. Teacher's interest . When a teacher intrigues students with a personal example, shows a positive attitude towards the subject, then children also become interested in what they are taught. When they know that they will hear something funny or interesting in class, they look forward to these items with joy.

What are the types of motivation

Motivation is one of the most important conditions for successful learning. The most significant for students are the following motives:

• cognitive, that is, the desire to know more, to become erudite;
• communicative - expanding the circle of communication through an increase in the intellectual level and new acquaintances;
• emotional;
• self-development - disclosure of one's abilities and talents;
• student position;
• achievements;
• external - rewards, punishments.

In addition, motives are divided into external (social) and internal (cognitive). An example of extrinsic motivation: "I need to pass the exam so that my parents don't scold me." Intrinsic motivation: "I really like literature lessons, so I read every free minute, I learn something new with every book I read." nine0003

There are two more types of motivation - stable and unstable. An example of sustainable motivation: "Since the day I entered the drawing school, I have never regretted that I chose this particular section. " Unstable: “I went to a concert, I also wanted to play some instrument, I started studying, but after a while I quit.”

Most often, children's motivation is unstable due to the fact that they are very emotional. It is very easy to interrupt old ones with new emotions and impressions.

It is very difficult for a child who is not interested in learning to apply the acquired knowledge in practice, and the lack of motivation for the learning process leads to chronic academic failure. Why is this happening? Often the parents are to blame. nine0003

Of course, only you can choose how to properly raise your child, but his and your life depends on this choice. Not all parents realize what mistakes they make in the process of motivating their children. Consider not all, but the most relevant of them, which are most often found among parents.

1. Lowering your child's self-esteem, programming for failure. This happens when you tell a child that nothing good will come of him, that he will become a janitor if he does not study well. Such words lead to an underestimation of self-esteem, in case of any failures, the child lets go of his hands, completes what he started at the slightest problem. nine0003

2. Deception and intimidation . If you use such methods, the connection and trust between you and your child will be destroyed.

3. Excessive requirements, not taking into account the child's capabilities . The parent may think that the child is lazy or “not studying on purpose”, while there may be specific reasons (mental developmental features, illness, fatigue).

4. Gifts in exchange for good academic performance . There are many downsides to this method. The child quickly develops a habit of getting what he wants through good grades. In the future, he may begin to demand a reward and fulfill your requests only after receiving what he wants. Such children are only aimed at receiving presents, and not at good studies. nine0003

5. Motivated by success . Often, parents assure the child that all his actions should be aimed at success and high status in society. In the future, such children grow up to be people who do everything for the sake of success and money, and not because it brings them positive emotions or is aimed at helping loved ones.

6. Excessive load in different activities and sections . Modern parents like to plan their children's schedule as tightly as possible so that they spend their time with benefit every day. The child's psyche may not be able to withstand such a load, so you will get a complete lack of interest in classes. nine0003

How to increase motivation to study

Play is a unique instrument of pedagogical influence. If the child does not want to learn or something does not work out for him, you can always come up with a game in which he will be able to complete the tasks you have given.

These can be intellectual exercise games, training games based on competition. They show schoolchildren the level of their preparedness and fitness. By comparing with the opposite team, students themselves see their gaps in knowledge, this encourages cognitive activity in them. nine0003

The game form does not involve standard student assessment, so even lagging children can be interested.

Do not impose your favorite activities, let him pursue his hobby. Help children discover their hidden talents or develop those they already have, let them freely choose what interests them.

Encourage the child, praise for the result, but do not do it in the form of money and in the form of expensive gifts. Otherwise, the time will come when the child wants to sell you the results of his labor at a higher price. For example, the rule "For every correct task - 1 candy" works much better than "For every five in the diary - a cake." Candy is a kind of guarantee that difficult homework is done in an atmosphere of trust, which in itself is already a motivation. nine0003

Show him how to apply what he has learned, discuss his stories together. Encourage your child to think and discuss as often as possible. Remember that any grades are a subjective thing, this is not an indicator of your child's knowledge, but only his assessment by teachers.

A child does not have to be an excellent student, he has the right to receive bad marks. If he himself was upset because of the deuce - support and never scold. After all, first of all, you should be his friend and partner. nine0003

Tell the children how you yourself overcame difficulties in school, how you coped with difficult tasks. Show what you have achieved now that you have walked this path. Talk together about your failures and fears.

The child should always know that he will be heard, and problems will not be exaggerated. Explain that stress is an integral part of life, teach how to cope with it so that in the future the child can overcome it himself.

Motivation for learning does not develop overnight, sometimes it takes a lot of effort and time. If you have missed something in raising your child, it is never too late to start building your relationship on the basis of trust and understanding.

Do not motivate your child with distant and illusory goals incomprehensible to his age. Every parent must find where the potential of their children lies. Try to reveal his talents from different angles, give him the opportunity to prove himself. Look for inclinations in your children for some kind of activity, show by your own example that we are learning new things all our lives, that there are many interesting things in life. nine0003

Do not forget that in no case should you beat, humiliate, yell at a child, because school will end sooner or later, but your relationship will remain. According to the research of E. N. Volkova, the majority of children living in families in which severe physical, emotional, and other types of violence are used have signs of a delay in physical and neuropsychic development.

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