How to stop angry

25 Tips to Manage Your Anger and Feel Calmer

Anger is a normal feeling and can be a positive emotion when it helps you work through issues or problems, whether that’s at work or at home.

However, anger can become problematic if it leads to aggression, outbursts, or even physical altercations.

Anger control is important for helping you avoid saying or doing something you may regret. Before anger escalates, you can use specific strategies for controlling anger.

Here are 25 ways you can control your anger:

1. Count down

Count down (or up) to 10. If you’re really mad, start at 100. In the time it takes you to count, your heart rate will slow, and your anger will likely subside.

2. Take a breather

Your breathing becomes shallower and speeds up as you grow angry. Reverse that trend (and your anger) by taking slow, deep breaths from your nose and exhaling out of your mouth for several moments.

3. Go walk around

Exercise can help calm your nerves and reduce anger. Go for a walk, ride your bike, or hit a few golf balls. Anything that gets your limbs pumping is good for your mind and body.

4. Relax your muscles

Progressive muscle relaxation calls on you to tense and slowly relax various muscle groups in your body, one at a time. As you tense and release, take slow, deliberate breaths.

5. Repeat a mantra

Find a word or phrase that helps you calm down and refocus. Repeat that word again and again to yourself when you’re upset. “Relax,” “Take it easy, and “You’ll be OK” are all good examples.

6. Stretch

Neck rolls and shoulder rolls are good examples of nonstrenuous yoga-like movements that can help you control your body and harness your emotions. No fancy equipment required.

7. Mentally escape

Slip into a quiet room, close your eyes, and practice visualizing yourself in a relaxing scene. Focus on details in the imaginary scene: What color is the water? How tall are the mountains? What do the chirping birds sound like? This practice can help you find calm amidst anger.

8. Play some tunes

Let music carry you away from your feelings. Put in earbuds or slip out to your car. Crank up your favorite music and hum, bop, or sashay your anger away.

9. Stop talking

When you’re steamed, you may be tempted to let the angry words fly, but you’re more likely to do harm than good. Pretend your lips are glued shut, just like you did as a kid. This moment without speaking will give you time to collect your thoughts.

10. Take a timeout

Give yourself a break. Sit away from others. In this quiet time, you can process events and return your emotions to neutral. You may even find this time away from others is so helpful you want to schedule it into your daily routine.

11. Take action

Harness your angry energy. Sign a petition. Write a note to an official. Do something good for someone else. Pour your energy and emotions into something that’s healthy and productive.

12. Write in your journal

What you can’t say, perhaps you can write. Jot down what you’re feeling and how you want to respond. Processing it through the written word can help you calm down and reassess the events leading up to your feelings.

13. Find the most immediate solution

You might be angry that your child has once again left their room a mess before going to visit a friend. Shut the door. You can temporarily end your anger by putting it out of your view. Look for similar resolutions in any situations.

14. Rehearse your response

Prevent an outburst by rehearsing what you’re going to say or how you’re going to approach the problem in the future. This rehearsal period gives you time to role-play several possible solutions, too.

15. Picture a stop sign

The universal symbol to stop can help you calm down when you’re angry. It’s a quick way to help you visualize the need to halt yourself, your actions, and walk away from the moment.

16. Change your routine

If your slow commute to work makes you angry before you’ve even had coffee, find a new route. Consider options that may take longer but leave you less upset in the end.

17. Talk to a friend

Don’t stew in the events that made you angry. Help yourself process what happened by talking with a trusted, supportive friend who can possibly provide a new perspective.

18. Laugh

Nothing upends a bad mood like a good one. Diffuse your anger by looking for ways to laugh, whether that’s playing with your kids, watching stand-up, or scrolling memes.

19. Practice gratitude

Take a moment to focus on what’s right when everything feels wrong. Realizing how many good things you have in your life can help you neutralize anger and turn around the situation.

20. Set a timer

The first thing that comes to mind when you’re angry likely isn’t the thing you should say. Give yourself a set time before you respond. This time will help you be calmer and more concise.

21. Write a letter

Write a letter or email to the person that made you angry. Then, delete it. Often, expressing your emotions in some form is all you want, even if it’s in something that will never be seen.

22. Imagine forgiving them

Finding the courage to forgive someone who has wronged you takes a lot of emotional skill. If you can’t go that far, you can at least pretend that you’re forgiving them, and you’ll feel your anger slip away.

23. Practice empathy

Try to walk in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective. When you tell the story or relive the events as they saw it, you may gain a new understanding and become less angry.

24. Express your anger

It’s OK to say how you feel, as long as you handle it in the right way. Ask a trusted friend to help you be accountable to a calm response. Outbursts solve no problems, but mature dialogue can help reduce your stress and ease your anger. It may also prevent future problems.

25. Find a creative channel

Turn your anger into a tangible production. Consider painting, gardening, or writing poetry when you’re upset. Emotions are powerful muses for creative individuals. Use yours to reduce anger.

The bottom line

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if you find your anger turns to aggression or outbursts, you need to find healthy ways to deal with anger.

If these tips don’t help, consider talking with your doctor. A mental health specialist or therapist can help you work through underlying factors that may contribute to anger and other emotional issues.

8 ways to deal with anger | Coping

Learning how to cope if you struggle with rage can be difficult – but there are ways you can learn to manage your anger.

How to deal with anger?

The first thing to know about learning to manage anger issues is: anger isn’t actually a ‘bad’ emotion. There’s nothing wrong with feeling rage or frustration, but what does matter is how you deal with your anger and how you express it.

If you learn anger management skills and learn how to recognise and manage your anger in a healthy way, you’ll look less like this:

and more like this:

We’re not guaranteeing you won’t still be in a bad mood, but you’ll be less likely to act in a way you might regret.

Here are our tips for the best way to control your anger.

1. Recognise the warning signs

If you can recognise when you’re starting to feel angry, you’ll be in a good place to try some of our tips before you get really worked up or lash out. You can then try a few of the strategies below. Some warning signs are:

pounding heart
gritting your teeth
sweating
tight chest
shaking
feeling anxious
raising your voice
being snappy or defensive
temporarily losing your sense of humour
pacing
getting a ‘flash’ of a bad mood
being overly critical of someone
feeling argumentative

Acknowledging that you feel angry and identifying the emotions you're feeling can sometimes help to reduce the intensity. Saying "I'm angry right now" or "I'm feeling frustrated and annoyed" can be the first step in understanding and resolving your feelings of anger.

2. Work out why you’re angry

There’s lots of reasons why you might be angry. It’s a normal or understandable response in some situations, such as when you or someone else is being treated unfairly. If you’re not sure why you’ve just snapped at someone, though, think back through your day and try to pinpoint what set you off.

Some other reasons why you might be feeling angry include:

you’re under a lot of pressure
you’re experiencing bodily or hormonal changes that cause mood swings
you’re frustrated with how your life is going

If you work on first recognising and then dealing with your anger, it won’t have such a damaging effect on your relationships, body, mind and emotions.

3. Write it down

Sometimes, writing stuff down can help you work out why you’re feeling angry and how you might be able to deal with it. Try drafting a letter to someone to explore what you think is making you angry, how you're responding to the situation and how you want to address your feelings. Take a pause before sending it and read back over your letter. This method will allow you to express your feelings, while reading over your words will help you to put things in perspective. You may find you don't need to send the letter as your feelings subside after writing, or writing it down may help you find the right words that you can use in a discussion.

4. Count to 100

This one seems pretty basic, but it works really well for anger management. Thinking about something other than what’s making you upset for 100 seconds can help you avoid blowing a fuse. It gives you a chance to gather yourself and your thoughts before you do anything else.

5. Press pause

When you feel angry about something, it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a productive or helpful way. If you feel yourself losing your cool, just walk away from the situation for a while. You’ll deal with it better when everyone, yourself included, is feeling calmer.

6. Move your body

Exercise is an awesome way to let off steam. You could take a walk around the block, go for a run, or do something really high-energy like boxing.

7. Talk to someone

Talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling can take a weight off your shoulders as well as your mind. That could be a trusted adult, friend or family member. You could even join ReachOut's Online Community and talk with other young people who get how you’re feeling and can share their own anger management strategies.

If your anger is getting out of control, or you think you or someone in your life meets the criteria for a personality disorder, consider seeing a mental health professional. Watch our video to find out why talking helps.

8. Take time to relax

If you know what helps you to relax, you’ll find it really useful whenever you’re feeling angry. Take some time out to do something you enjoy, it could be:

going for a walk in the park
reading a book
trying some meditation
listening to music
relaxation apps like Smiling Mind

The most effective techniques to help you stop being angry

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Updated: June 20, 2022

Updated 20. 06

Anger is neither good nor bad, but a basic feeling. To some extent, it is always present in every person, it helps to achieve what is needed. Anger has positive and negative aspects, but in any case, you need to know how to manage anger, what to do to stop being angry. nine0003

Article content

How anger manifests itself
The psychology of anger or why people get angry nine0028
The Benefits of Anger
How to become kinder nine0028
FAQ

How anger manifests itself

When a person is angry, the adrenal glands actively produce adrenaline and norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters activate the work of the autonomic nervous system, affect muscle tone and the state of blood vessels. nine0003

Anger can be attributed to innate skills. But the manifestations of anger in adulthood are influenced by the behavior of other people, external circumstances.

What happens in the body when a person is angry:

blood vessels constrict;
the heart rate increases;
muscle tone increases;
the exchange process is accelerated;
the level of glucose in the blood rises; nine0028
decreased susceptibility to pain;
consciousness narrows - a person does not react to extraneous sounds and movements, all attention is focused only on the source of the threat;
due to the excitation of the central nervous system, the speed of reactions increases, there is a surge of vivacity.

A person in anger clenches his fists and jaw, it is difficult for him to sit still, he is worried about a headache, discomfort in the region of the heart. nine0003

Important! Responsibility for an angry reaction always lies with the person himself. No one can force another person to be angry.

The psychology of anger or why people get angry

Anger is a primary emotion that appeared as a result of evolution. This is a belligerent but necessary response to stress – fight or flight. It starts in the amygdala region of the brain, which is formed at the 8th month of fetal development.

nine0002 Reasons for anger:

a sense of danger, the inability to predict the development of the situation, a reaction to a threat to the established order;
no or limited choice;
chronic stress;
very strong emotional shock;
the use of alcohol, drugs - the addict may get angry during the withdrawal syndrome due to the lack of a new dose; nine0028
disrespect from others;
the occurrence of obstacles on the way to the goal;
unsatisfied desires;
violation of personal boundaries;
anger at life and people is a contagious feeling, the ability to adopt the positive and negative emotions of others refers to manifestations of empathy;
anger often masks other emotions - guilt, fear, shame, envy, pain, insecurity; nine0028
anger can be a manifestation of psychological trauma, internal conflict;
an aggressive or passive response to a problem.

Genes influence the level of anger. Some of them increase the production of stress hormones. Others reduce the activity of gamma-aminobutyric acids, which inhibit the neurotransmitters of the central nervous system, reduce the activity of nerve impulses.

In psychology, there is such a thing as anger regulation disorder - these are inadequate-evil reactions. Uncontrolled attacks of aggression can be a manifestation of schizophrenia or depression, psychopathy, sociopathy. nine0003

The ability to control anger or communicate properly with an angry person are essential skills. If you cannot control your emotions, or take the manifestation of someone else's aggression too close to your heart, contact our psychologists. Specialists will conduct a remote consultation at any convenient time. They will teach effective ways to splash out anger, help to understand the causes of negative emotions.

Benefits of Anger

Anger is considered a negative, wrong feeling. People constantly try to fight it, many deny that they can be angry with themselves, others or the situation. But not everything is so bad, there are many positive aspects in anger.

Positive aspects of irritability:

A resource that activates energy production. An evil person is strong, determined, courageous. He is not afraid to move forward, can easily adapt to new circumstances. nine0028
Helps you achieve your goals.
Needed to establish and protect personal boundaries.
One and manifestations of sincerity, trust. Showing anger is considered unacceptable. If a person expresses anger, it means that he opens up to the interlocutor.

Pay attention! Anger is a good helper in the fight against financial, love, food and other addictions. nine0003

How to stop being angry and not get irritated

You need to be able to control anger and be able to throw it out in time, but without negative consequences for others. But most people do not know how to live properly, to deal with anger. They prefer to suppress, ignore one of the basic emotions. Apathy, depression, psychosomatic disorders - all these problems arise against the background of repressed anger.

Anger suppression is a learned pattern of behavior that comes from childhood. Parents constantly tell their children not to be angry, it's bad. The reasons for this behavior of parents can be different. Destructive upbringing, fear of condemnation of others for the violent behavior of the child. The expression of anger is a manifestation of the child's personal boundaries, which often frightens adults. nine0003

How to calm anger - advice from a psychologist:

Say to yourself or out loud once: "I'm angry." Take 3 deep breaths in and out with your belly. Slowly count to 10. Repeat a full circle until the anger subsides.
Take a look around. Count all white or round objects.
Focus on details. Turn on the music and listen carefully to the voice, the smallest sounds. Or slowly feel the object, pronounce all its characteristics. nine0028
Try to draw your anger. It can be strokes, lines, a chaotic pattern. See what your anger looks like. Think about what it symbolizes for you - resentment, emptiness. Think about what you can replace or fill.
Learn meditation and self-regulation techniques. If it is difficult to cope with bouts of uncontrollable anger alone, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist. The specialist will help to correct the ingrained patterns of behavior, to eliminate their negative consequences. nine0028
Write a list of the negative effects of anger—discord in relationships, loneliness, problems at work, various illnesses. Post the list in all prominent places, always remember the risks when you start to get angry.
Ask loved ones to take pictures of you at the moment of angry detente. You won't like this photo. Remind yourself of this vivid example of your destructive alternative personality every time you have outbursts of anger.
Avoid overwork. Always find ways to take a break from your daily routine. Spend your leisure time in a variety of ways, find new hobbies. As soon as an attack of irritation occurs, try to immediately do what brings you pleasure.
Don't be afraid of change. If everything is annoying at work, change it. Yes, it's stressful, but sometimes it's the only way to stop being angry all the time. If a particular person is annoying, stop communicating with him or reduce communication to a minimum. nine0028

Important! Learn to notice the process of the emergence of anger. This is essential to let off steam. This should always be done without exception. Otherwise, the suppressed emotion will redirect energy to the internal organs, gain a foothold in muscle memory, and chronic pain of unknown origin occurs.

How to become kinder

In order not to be covered by strong anger, you need to change the negative perception of the world to a positive one. nine0003

What can be done:

Stop perceiving others as a source of threat, humiliation, or bullying. The reason for anger lies in you, and not in the outside world, so adequately assess the appropriateness of your actions and words. Do not start and do not start to get angry if you are corrected, criticized, if people's actions differ from your expectations, not all “I want” can be realized.
Learn to empathize. The ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, understand someone else's point of view and feelings is a great way to stop getting angry over trifles. nine0028
Choose a person who inspires you. If angry, imagine how he would behave in this situation.
Smile. Smiling improves not only your mood, but also the mood of others, affects feelings and thoughts.
We must learn to strain and relax alternately all the muscles in the body. Such relaxation helps to get rid of negativity in thoughts and body.
Learn to actively express your feelings. Silently getting angry or showing aggression are non-constructive ways of communication. nine0028

Tip! To get less angry, you need to sleep 7-8 hours every night. Lack of sleep is one of the reasons for the inability to control emotions.

FAQ

I get angry often. This is fine?

Being angry at a person is a normal, one of the primary human emotions. It helps to move forward towards the intended goal, is one of the defensive reactions. But the inability to manage anger is bad. To learn how to manage anger, you can independently master some practices. Or turn to a psychologist, which is much more effective and faster. nine0003

Should anger be suppressed or should it be vented?

Anger is considered a negative emotion. People often, wanting to look in the eyes of others friendly, cultured and pleasant to communicate, restrain their anger. But any emotion is an energy that, according to the laws of physics, cannot simply dissolve and disappear without a trace. It can be converted into other energy or transfer the discharge to another energy consumer. To avoid psychosomatic illnesses and problems in communication, you need to release anger in environmentally friendly ways that are harmless to yourself and other people. nine0003

How to release anger?

The reasons for anger may be different, but in any case, you need to quickly get rid of this emotion. It is necessary to keep a diary in which to record bodily reactions, feelings, triggers that provoke the appearance of feelings of anger. Already when filling out the diary, the charge of aggression will decrease. You can write a letter to the offender, not embarrassed in terms. Beat a pillow or box with an imaginary opponent, tear up a newspaper. Get a special glass for anger, in which to scream if you start to boil. Any physical activity or loud performance of a song helps a lot. Choose any method, depending on your preferences and external circumstances. nine0003

Expert opinion

Getting angry is okay. It is much more dangerous to restrain, suppress the feeling of anger. Suppression turns into uncontrolled outbursts of anger, which is dangerous for social life. People who do not know how to cope with anger develop neurotic disorders, problems with sleep and appetite, develop arrhythmia, hypertension. Disturbed by frequent headaches, muscle spasms, neuralgia, mimic muscles are supported. To avoid all these negative consequences, you need to stop being quick-tempered and irritable. The fight against anger is a serious work on oneself, a thorough analysis of the causes of increased anger. Therefore, it is better to go through it with an experienced specialist. nine0003

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Article author

Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist nine0003

Experience 17 years

Consultations 1439

Articles 301

Specialist in clinical psychology. Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties. Work with self-attitude, internal boundaries, understanding of interaction with society through conscious personal changes.

2007 - 2008 MUS Children's polyclinic No. 4 - teacher psychologist
2008 - 2009Healthy Country LLC - Clinical Psychologist
2009 - 2021 Republican Narcological Dispensary - psychologist
2012 - 2013 Occupational medicine - psychologist
2013 - 2015 LLC Vozrozhdenie - psychologist
2019 to present Teledoctor24 LLC - psychologist

Sources

... Ilse Sand. Compass of emotions, 100 pages, 2016
... Lisa Barrett. How emotions are born, 750 pp. MYTH, 2018
... Larry Senn. Mood lift. Learn to manage your feelings and emotions, 2018

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Five ways to stop being angry at the whole world: tested on our own experience

I lived in a state of inner discomfort for a very long time. Total dislike for myself and a maniacal desire to be good for everyone led to endless conflicts with others who had nothing to do with my problems. Until the age of 30, I was the same person who, foaming at the mouth, argued that it was impossible to climb out of line, talk loudly on the phone and push elbows at rush hour. Inner anger found a way out in the most unexpected places. Even where it was inappropriate from the word "completely." Tired of myself, I began an inner work of several months and achieved excellent results in this. How? I share my personal experience. nine0003

Method number 1: realize that no one is to blame for your misfortunes

We ourselves are the creators of our own destiny. And we are also to blame for our problems. Not a woman in line stepping on her foot, not a man suddenly sneezing in a movie theater, but the same person you see in the mirror every day. And remind yourself of this every day! This will help you not vent your anger at others. As they say, the salvation of the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves.

Method #2: understand that life without anger is much more pleasant

Anger is destructive. He eats from the inside, provokes conflicts with others, greatly spoils life and, most importantly, absolutely nothing in it changes for the better. Agree with yourself that you will not waste your energy in vain, it will be useful for achieving completely different goals.

Method number 3: start writing letters

Or draw. Any negative emotion can be experienced on paper - it will endure everything. And, most importantly, absolutely no one will suffer from this. In child psychology, there is such a technique - to pronounce his emotion with the child so that he realizes what is happening to him. It also applies to adults. When there is no notebook at hand, explain to your inner self what exactly made you angry, and then in the future you can forget about this problem. nine0003

Technique #4: Get familiar with the term "passive aggression"

In other words, it's an indirect expression of anger. The term appeared in the 40s of the last century. Under it, psychologists mean the presence of attitudes that anger is unacceptable: it is bad, ashamed, and further down the list. Their presence becomes the cause of behavior in which we unconsciously anger another person, provoking him to respond.

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