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How to keep peace


11 Ways to Find Your Inner Peace and Happiness Now

Inner peace is possible, and you don’t need to meditate on a mountaintop or break the bank for a wellness retreat in order to find it. Carving out time to relax is wonderful, but it’s amid the frantic pace of everyday life when we need serenity the most: That moment when you’re stuck in the pharmacy line and the contents of your bag spill on the floor just as your phone starts ringing? That’s when you need to find inner peace within yourself, right as you’re suppressing the urge to unleash a stream of four-letter words.

“I think often people look for circumstances to help achieve a sense of inner peace,” says Ashley Davis Bush, psychotherapist and author of The Little Book of Inner Peace: Simple Practices for Less Angst, More Calm. “In fact, this calm, compassionate, deep awareness is actually within each person. It’s as if we have a deep reservoir of peacefulness and serenity inside us. What we have to learn to do is tap into it.”

With the help of what Bush calls “micro-practices,” you can get better at accessing your inner calm—even if it's been in hiding for awhile.

Peace of mind doesn’t require peace and quiet.

Have you ever been scuba diving, or even just watched a good deep-sea documentary? The ocean’s tide brings the drama when it crashes against the shore, but venture a few meters down and you’ll find a tranquil world of creatures moving at their own pace, wholly unfazed by the action up above.

“The problem is most of us live sort of on the surface of the waves, where there's a lot of turbulence and wildness,” says Davis. “But again, this deep, calm, awareness is actually within each person.”

Davis maintains that you don't need to shut out all the noise to find inner peace. “There's this assumption that if you're in a quiet place, it will be more conducive to accessing this spot within. But, in fact, there are people who have panic attacks while they’re on a massage table. You could be on a New York city subway, surrounded by people and noise, and close your eyes to go into this space where your calmness resides.”

Breathe in, breathe out.

Your breath is always with you, and both yoga and meditation practices harness the power of breath control to help shift your state of mind. Davis likes to recommend practicing the 4-7-8 breath, which is based on a time-tested yoga technique, because you can do it anywhere at any time.

Close your mouth and inhale through your nose as you count to four. Hold onto that breath as you count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth for the count of eight.

“The long exhale helps stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is basically initiating a relaxation response in your body,” Davis says. “Make sure to breathe really low, to fill your belly with air. ”

Feel the truth that you’re safe and loved.

“Remind yourself that you’re breathing. And hopefully, you’re physically protected,” says Julie Potiker, mindful self-compassion teacher and author of Life Falls Apart, But You Don't Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos.

“Think about the people you care about, and the people who care about you,” Potiker suggests, saying that focusing on that can lower your panic response. “Let the truth of that warm your heart.”

Visualize your happy place.

This is another micro-practice that becomes easier the more you do it, and the stronger your visualization, the more effective it is. It's okay if it takes you a while to conjure up what that go-to happy place is.

“You might want to picture the ocean, or your bedroom under your covers, a lake view, playing with your pet, being with someone you love, or maybe a favorite vacation,” Davis suggests. “Then, try to really get all the details in your mind’s eye—the smells, the sounds, the textures, the touch.” Accessing these vivid memories will cue your body to start feeling like you’re actually there, which will relax you, she says.

Read the story you’re telling yourself.

If you find yourself spiraling over a perceived disappointment, frustration, or panic-inducing thought, try stepping back to assess whether what your brain is telling you is true. Examining the source of your turmoil can make it feel smaller in size.

“I tell my students that what you resist persists and they need to feel it to heal it,” Potiker says. She often recommends the RAIN technique, an acronym first coined by meditation teacher Michele McDonald.

Recognize what’s happening. “Label the emotion, because simply naming it calms down your over-arousal,” says Potiker.

Allow your situation to be there. “You’re not resisting it, or trying to numb it and run away from it,” she says. “You're allowing it to be there long enough to work with it.”

Investigate. Potiker says to ask yourself, What most wants my attention? What am I believing? Where am I experiencing these feelings in my body—can I put my hands on where I’m feeling it, and soften the area? All of this inquiry is done with love, not judgment.

Nourish. This is alternately defined as natural loving awareness. You’ve observed yourself, and it’s time to treat yourself with loving kindness. “Ask yourself, What do I need to hear right now?” Potiker says. “Just talking to yourself like you would a dear friend is extremely helpful and healing. It staves off the feeling of isolation.”

Or ACT your way to deeper self-compassion.

There’s no one road to self-compassion, so here’s another way to think of it. Davis suggests trying a three-step method she calls ACT, based on the work of Kristen Neff, a prominent researcher in the field of self-compassion.

“'A' is for acknowledge, as in you acknowledge your suffering or your struggle: This really sucks,” Davis says. “'C' is for connect, connecting to all common humanity to remember that you're not alone in this. Other people get frustrated, feel angry or impatient. The 'T' is to talk kindly to yourself.”

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When it comes to positive self-talk, Davis echoes Potiker’s recommendation to address yourself as you would a friend, because using “I” sentences may make you feel more isolated. “Research shows that when you talk to yourself in the third person, you actually activate the care circuit in your brain so that you feel more cared for,” she continues. “You’re accessing your higher self so that you can talk yourself off the ledge, and you feel more supported. So I would say, Ashley, you're going to be okay. This is a really hard moment, but don’t forget, Ashley, you’re not alone in this.”

Make a “joy list” for when you need it later.

While a compassionate inventory of how you’re feeling is a powerful mindfulness exercise, Potiker says asking yourself, What do I need to do right now? can remind you to lean on actions that tend to give you peace. Since many people find it challenging to remember which activities bring them joy when they’re feeling mired in chaos, Potiker recommends looking to a “joy list” that you’ve compiled ahead of time.

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“Free associate what brings you joy, and then pick something on the list to do when you’re feeling lousy,” she says. While you’re doing that thing, such as flower arranging or baking, savor it. “Take it in for a few moments, because taking in the good rewires your brain for happiness and resilience,” Potiker says, citing the work of psychologist Rick Hanson, PhD.

If you look at a beautiful sunset and say, “That’s a beautiful sunset—what’s for dinner?,” Potiker says you haven’t given your brain a chance to truly form a positive connection. Instead, try to fully give yourself over to the moment, noticing the rich colors of the sky, because that's productive work in its own way.

“Just letting you fill you up for that moment of awe is enough to rewire your brain for happiness and resilience,” she says. You can do this multiple times a day, Potiker adds, building up a joy reserve by just savoring those first sips of morning coffee, or the sound of a child giggling.

Cultivate gratitude for what’s happening (and

not happening).

The psychological benefits of gratitude have been championed repeatedly in the field of happiness research, and according to Davis, practicing gratitude is another way to quickly access that state of inner peace. She suggests two simple ways to get into the habit: keeping a gratitude journal, and smiling as soon as you sit up in bed in the morning. “When you smile, it signals to your brain that things are good and that you’re happy.”

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If you find yourself struggling to think of what you're grateful for in the heat of a chaotic or frustrating moment, Davis suggests you start by naming what you're glad isn't happening—and boom, now you've got something to be thankful for. To go back to her earlier subway example, in a crowded commute you might think, I’m glad I’m not being mugged right now, or I’m glad it’s actually moving and we’re not stuck in the dark; I'm glad it's air-conditioned; I'm glad I have a seat; I'm glad I have a physically healthy body. One small positive thought often sparks another.

Ask yourself two questions daily.

Your gratitude journal entries don’t need to be lengthy reflections, like some burdensome daily homework assignment. Instead, Potiker says use these two simple prompts to list an item or two for each: “What did enjoy today?” and “What am I grateful for today?” Maybe you did something that's on your joy list, for example.

Serve others to help yourself, too.

“Everybody knows that when you help other people, you feel better,” Potiker says. Those in the field of positive psychology believe that the good feelings that come from truly meaningful acts cultivate something they've deemed eudemonic well-being.

Over decades, research has suggested that in the long term, the eudemonic happiness that people feel from doing something like volunteering or making someone else feel good is more rewarding, and longer-lasting, than the more commonly pursued hedonic well-being, which prioritizes seeking pleasure and minimizing pain. Thus, building up a reserve of eudemonic happiness through acts of service could potentially up your general inner-peace baseline.

Maintain good self-care hygiene.

Eating right, getting plenty of sleep, exercising, meditating, and practicing what Potiker calls “mindfulness daily life activities” can all shore up your mental-peace defenses for when all hell breaks loose (in your world, or in your head). “Even while you’re just brushing your teeth, you can focus on feeling the toothbrush, tasting the toothpaste, and hearing the sounds, so you’re not worrying about your to-do list or what just happened in the news,” she says. “That’s a mindfulness in daily life activity.”

It’s all about developing “the pause,” so that when you feel yourself reacting to a situation, you’re better prepared to respond in a calmer way.

Practice acceptance.

In the larger pursuit of learning to access your inner peace, Davis says that accepting the existence of things that are out of your control is the long-term goal, difficult as it may be. “Acceptance is an overall way of engaging with life,” she explains. “So it’s less about a quick practice, and more about a life orientation.

“When we resist our circumstances, we create a lot of suffering, which of course is the opposite of inner peace,” she continues. “And the second you start going with the flow and putting yourself in alignment with what is, you immediately start to have a sense of flowing with rather than flowing against.”

It’s a challenging process, and one your brain may resist on impulse at first. That’s why it’s called “practice”—you may not nail it the first, 15th, or 50th time, and that’s normal.

“In terms of a practice, I might say to someone, ‘Right when you're in a situation like you're in a long grocery line, you can't believe it, you're late for something, you're feeling really stressed? Just stop, drop into your heart space, and say, This is what I've got. This is where I am. I'm just going to flow with this. And I'm going to look for an opportunity now to just practice patience, and practice self-compassion. This is really hard. I wish I could be faster. I wish I wasn't in this line, but I am. It's okay, and I'm okay.’”

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Samantha VincentySenior Staff Writer

Samantha Vincenty is the former senior staff writer at Oprah Daily. 

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15 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace

We currently live in a society where the noise of our thoughts and our anxieties tend to consume us daily. In such a fast-paced world, inner peace can be a struggle to achieve. We’re continually awaiting the next thing in our lives, and that can be one of the aspects that disrupt our inner calm. In this article, we’ll share how to find inner peace using fifteen proven ways.

Free meditation appDeclutter The Mind is an app that will teach you how to meditate, help you form the habit of a regular practice, and expand your mind to the teachings of mindfulness.

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What is inner peace?

Inner peace is the state of calm you feel within yourself. The world around you could be stress-inducing and chaotic, but if you feel calm, you might be experiencing inner peace. It’s an achievable state of mind that has more to do with your mind than what’s happening in your daily life.

How to achieve inner peace

When it comes to achieving inner peace, the first step is coming with a good attitude. If you’re cynical, or even too skeptical, it will block you from reaching this calm state of mind.

You need to bring an open mind before you can have inner peace. With that, here’s 15 ways to get there.

1.

Meditation

To start, we have meditation. We’re always thinking about everything, whether it comes in the form of our future, our work tasks, or what we’ll be eating for dinner. We’re never not thinking about things. This is why meditation is one of the best things we can do for ourselves to achieve some sense of peace in our lives. Meditation gives you a break you need from the noise of your thoughts.

To start your meditation practice, check out our app Declutter The Mind. If you’re new, check out our meditation courses. Once you know how to practice meditation daily, you can begin to find some inner peace.

Consider trying out this guided meditation for inner peace below.

One of the causes that disrupt inner peace is social media. Social media is the most accessible platform where a comparison is present. It’s a competition of the highlights in your life. However, what you fail to realize is that nobody ever posts the moments that are mundane and normal. If you’re always on social media seeing highlight reels, this can give you anxiety that you may not be living your best life. As you see your friends and followers posting their travels, their relationship, their successes, you’re stuck there comparing your own life to theirs. If you’re not careful enough, social media can disrupt your inner peace.

This is where the concept of FOMO or ‘Fear of Missing Out’ comes from. Social media can cause you to fear not living your best life, and comparing yourself to your friends’ stories and posts will disrupt your inner peace. You don’t necessarily have to do a complete social media detox for a week or a month. However, every once in awhile, it’s best to take a break from your social media platforms. Doing this helps you gain control of reality and peace of mind. Social media can be a facade, and you may fail to differentiate what’s real and what’s not.

3. Practice self-love

In general, the world becomes more peaceful if you love yourself. One of the aspects that disrupt our inner peace is the constant war we have within ourselves. By practicing self-love, you’d be integrating inner peace within your life. You can actively practice this by doing things that make you happy and lift your spirit. If your passion includes writing and reading books, then you can do these activities in your free time.

You can also practice self-love by taking care of yourself and your body. Working out is one of the most common practices you can do. Not only does it release endorphins in your body, but it also makes you feel good about yourself, which leads to inner peace. Doing something you’re passionate about is ultimately the best way to gain inner peace. One of the main reasons for inner peace is conflict and lack of passion. If you invest in yourself and take care of yourself properly, then you have more room for inner peace in your life.

4. Be kind

You can find an inner calm, when you’re kind to those around you. Have you tried doing acts of kindness or good deeds for other people lately? You can find peace from doing nice things for people. When you put out good into the world, you get good back into yours. Your well being improves from being kind. If you’re going through a chaotic time, consider doing kind acts on a daily basis. You’ll quickly find that you find inner peace because your mind is so focused on being kind it doesn’t notice the drama anymore. Spend time with people who are less fortunate than you because they’ll likely need your help. You’ll have more peace when you help others as it helps you too.

5. Steer clear from negativity

This is the most basic yet can be the hardest thing to do to gain inner peace in your life. Of course, nobody with a calm mind would want negativity. However, sometimes it’s in our nature to dwell on negativity rather than positivity. Choosing to dwell on negativity in your life, whether it’s in the form of your thoughts or your habits, will disrupt your peace. Negativity is the fastest way to ruin the inner peace you currently have. It’s the easiest thing to dwell on negativity.

For instance, when something happens the opposite of how you expect it to be, the most natural thing would be to live on the negativity of the situation rather than looking for the bright side of things. When we focus on even something as simple as our negative thoughts, we’re giving that control to our peace. Instead of looking for the flaws and hopelessness of the situation and of things, choosing to be more positive is the best way to regain your sense of inner peace back. Learn how to stop complaining and steer clear of negativity.

6. Live in the present 

You can find peace by being in the present moment. Most people live in the past with past events circling their mind non-stop or panicking about what will go wrong in the future. You can do a meditation practice to help you focus on the present instead of a different time frame. Everyday life doesn’t need to be complicated. When things around you are stressful, focus on the present with hyper focus. Take a few moments to watch this meditation video on the present moment. 

7. Avoid self-pity

In a way, this is connected to what was mentioned above in negativity. As humans, we have this immense tendency to go in a self-pity routine when things aren’t going our way. If we didn’t get that job or we go through a breakup, we integrate feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and regret within ourselves, which is why we lose our peace entirely. However, this isn’t supposed to be the case. It may be a normal tendency, but it isn’t exactly a healthy habit. Self-pitying yourself is one of the fastest ways to not only dwell on your emotions even more, but it gives you feelings of depression and anxiety.

Life is generally hard, and self-pity isn’t going to change the fact that life is painful sometimes. The only thing self-pity does is that it typically makes you feel worse than you initially did and takes the blame for other people. To gain back your peace, take awareness and accountability of the situation rather than self-pitying yourself. Rather than telling yourself, “I’m such a worthless person,” take responsibility and tell yourself, “I may have messed up, but I can do better next time.” By practicing this habit, you’re taking back your control, building more confidence, and you’re deciding to do something about your life. We fail to realize that our life, including our peace, is in our control, and we can’t have peace if we don’t do something about our lives first.

9. Laugh a lot

You can’t expect peace from a place wherein you’re taking your life too seriously. Life can be challenging enough, and ultimately, the best thing you can do for yourself is finding the beauty in your life. It’s okay to laugh, even at the silliest of things. Laughing has been proven to be the best medicine for struggle, after all. Contact your friends and arrange a meetup. Watch a funny movie on Netflix. Have a wine night with your friends. Basically, just find humor in even the most mundane things. Inner peace is often gained from a place you never expect to, and sometimes, that’s from a place of humor and laughter.

9. Communicate respectfully

You can find inner peace when you regularly communicate respectfully towards others. When you tend to speak assertively but positively, there’s little room for misinterpretation. Your mental health is worth preserving, so remain calm in heated discussions. Your past mistakes of miscommunication can be improved for future situations. Don’t allow people to walk all over you by being a pushover; you can still stand up for yourself. However, cut out hurtful and offensive language from your life. No one wants the drama caused by saying the wrong thing.

10. Distract yourself

I know that it can be unhealthy to use distractions to forget your emotions. However, in some instances, distractions can actually be right for you and help you get your feelings in check. If you’re overwhelmed by anxiety or your own thoughts, it’s reasonable to run to video games, working out, or Netflix to help you regain a sense of control. Our emotions can control us if we’re not careful, and it’s not a pretty sight. By using distractions, it can help you think straight and get your mind in order again. You’re not using your distractions as an escape for feeling things, but it’s an outlet to process your emotions better.

Furthermore, by processing your thoughts and your emotions correctly, this helps you regain your peace. Unlike the contrary, distractions such as anxiety relief games also help you focus and think straight compared to using your emotions to make individual decisions. As you’re overwhelmed, if you attempt to even do anything while you’re high on emotions, it could be disastrous.

11. Practice self-care 

When you prioritize self-care, you improve your mental health and your well being. You can find inner calm when you do activities, such as spend time with loved ones who uplift you, go in float tanks, speak kindly to yourself, and practice self compassion. Inner tranquility comes when you practice acceptance of who you are. You deserve to enjoy life and have a peaceful mind. You’re a resilient person, all you need to do is treat yourself better. Manage difficult emotions by practicing meditation, rephrasing negative thoughts into positive ones, and practising self compassion. Finding peace starts with self care. 

12. Express yourself through art

Finding peace can be a challenge, though you can find inner peace through art. Whether you’re a prolific painter or a smooth saxophone player, you can improve your mental health with art. Art of all kinds improves your well being. In the modern world, people spend so much time mindlessly consuming art, such as music, social media posts, and more. 

Instead, mindfully be the creator of art. Pay attention to little details. Get into a flow state where you don’t notice time passing by and enjoy the process of being an art creator. Those in a flow state often don’t notice their anxieties or pain because they channel it into their art and it transforms into something beautiful.

13. Don’t pressure yourself

Feeling burned out and drained is a real thing you can feel if there’s a lack of balance in your life. As an individual, you’re continually striving to gain that work-life balance for yourself, and it’s very much possible. However, you can’t always perfect it. Some days, you put too much of your energy into your work, and other days, you feel unmotivated and unfulfilled. In attempting to balance everything, you should also take it easy on yourself. Especially if you’re a perfectionist and you have a tendency to control things, you may tend to pressure yourself in getting all aspects of your life together, and this is why you probably lost your sense of peace.

If you ultimately want inner peace, you should realize that you’re human, and you’re just as flawed as everyone else. You don’t have to put all ounce of energy in your work if it means being harsh on yourself if you see yourself fail. It also doesn’t mean that your worth is somehow less if you choose to take a break from your work. Decide the healthy balance between certain aspects of your life, and deal with your frustration if you don’t get it perfect.

14. Access nature

You can instantly improve your mental health and find inner peace in nature. In daily life, go for a walk in the woods or by the water to access nature. You’ll improve your overall well being doing activities like gardening, hiking, running, mountain climbing, or even biking. Getting fresh air and letting the sun shine on your face can be a beneficial experience. A walking meditation can allow you to stay present as you experience the splendid beauty of nature around you. You’ll have positive thoughts and less stress if you focus on watching animals scurry by and simply marvel at how wonderful nature and life can be. Spending time outdoors is always a quick and easy way to achieve inner peace. 

15. Accept things as they are

Your past mistakes aren’t a reflection of you but of a past you, who didn’t know any better. If you need to find inner peace within yourself, forgiveness is a good starting point. In the modern world, people aren’t very forgiving. Many people shame people on social media for having bad days, making mistakes, and being a “bad person.” Yet, they don’t realize in their own actions to shame people, that they themselves are being hurtful and bad. A victim mentality won’t serve you. You’ll need to rise above and accept that people will make mistakes in life– everyone will. You need to be a resilient person who can overcome the chaos in the world around you. All you can control are your own actions, everything else you’ll need to learn to accept. 

Find your inner peace

In conclusion, these are just some ways to help you achieve inner peace. Generally, creating inner peace may be challenging, especially if it doesn’t come naturally to you. In a world where everyone is preoccupied with everything, we no longer have time for ourselves. However, inner peace is still possible. If we choose to have awareness and change certain aspects of our unhealthy habits and lifestyle, we have more room for peace in our lives.

How to maintain peace in the family

How to maintain peace in the family

What is a family? This is a union of loving people who consciously decided to live together, move into the future together, raise children and share joys and hardships. But sometimes misunderstandings or conflicts happen between loving people.

When two different people unite in one family, they already give rise to a conflict situation. Before marriage, everyone had their own life experience, their own views, their own habits. When the period of courtship lasts, lovers for a while forget about everything, including their own habits and preferences. But when a life together begins, the holiday of love gives way to gray everyday life. And here the attempt to unite their different life attitudes into one whole leads to the first clashes. And only a reasonable understanding of what is happening will allow the spouses to find rational ways to resolve conflicts in the family.

Conflict is not always a bad thing. If you model a conflict situation well, you can even benefit from it! After all, do not forget that conflict always brings change and allows people to learn and improve. Conflict stimulates curiosity and imagination, it relieves us of the monotony of life. When the conflict is extinguished, a closer relationship can be established.

On the other hand, conflict can be damaging to relationships, taking time, energy, and even money. A protracted conflict will certainly affect mental and mental health.

How to maintain stability and well-being in the family?

Listen to each other, let's understand that you are interested in the content of the conversation, and you understand the partner. The ability to hear another is a more valuable ability than the ability to speak.

Strive to get to know each other as best as possible: be interested in your partner's hobbies, his opinion, himself. Those who are exclusively occupied with themselves and their problems cannot fully communicate with other people.

Praise each other. Most people always express dissatisfaction when they don't like something. However, few remember what is needed and to praise the partner.

Get into each other's position. Very often we do not notice what is happening in the soul of a partner. Each partner must put himself in the place of the other, trying to understand his thoughts and experiences. In this case, it will turn out to be more tolerant of the other and avoid conflicts.

Don't criticize each other. Often, it is the tendency to criticize that kindles strife between spouses, because if you criticize another, you can be sure of reciprocal criticism. Criticism should not hurt the merits of the spouse, it should carry a positive message. If you make a remark, do not forget to also find something for which you can praise your partner.

Do not order each other. Nobody likes to be ordered because it reminds them of duties, and marriage is a place where both feel equal. Therefore, orders cause natural resistance. To avoid this, reformulate the order into a question or request.

Know how to admit your mistakes. If you recognize and correct your mistakes in time, you can avoid many quarrels and conflicts. The ability to understand and recognize one's weaknesses is a sign of growing up and helps to successfully manage a conflict situation.

Look for compromises. The conflict arises because the spouses have different opinions, interests and have no desire, and sometimes they cannot give in, refuse them. It is necessary to get out of the situation at least partially accept and fulfill the requests of the spouse, on the other hand, do not insist on the ideal, maximum fulfillment of claims.

Do not forget about a sense of humor, it helps to smooth out the conflict but, of course, does not eliminate the discussion of the problem. It is also possible to remain silent or ignore the partner's attempt to initiate a conflict, feeling that he is upset and anxious. Do not escalate the conflict over a trifle, as it can turn into a protracted war. It should be remembered the statement of the great writer L.N. Tolstoy: "All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

If problems persist, contact a professional. Try to understand each other, go towards each other and love!

Psychologist of the Gomel City Central State Geological University Khitrova E.A.

How to keep peace in the family?

Life is created for happiness, not for showdown.

Most of Oleg Torsunov's lectures are devoted to the preservation of family relationships. Divorce statistics in our country speak for themselves: three out of five marriages fall apart. This means that every new marriage is in danger of breaking up. What is causing this trend? Most often, a difficult astrological period and the inability to build relationships correctly. According to conflictologists, or in other words, mediators, we simply do not know how to negotiate with our loved ones. Love just slips out of our hands, and when it leaves, it becomes impossible for people to live together. So, our new article is devoted to how to keep peace in the family.

Love lives for three years

This fashion statement, taken from a book by contemporary French writer Frédéric Beigbeder, is nothing more than a mistake. After all, by love, as a rule, we understand falling in love, and a kind of substitution of concepts takes place. The fact is that 50% of marriages do not even reach the moment in the relationship when true love appears. When a person understands that he can overcome his selfishness in order to please his spouse (s), this is love. When we are able to act not as we want, but as the husband or wife wants, this is love. When we give freedom of choice to relatives and the right to decide for themselves, this is love.

Remarkably, this principle always works in the mother-child relationship. Remember how in the movie "Once Upon a Twenty Years Later" the husband of the main character gave her a wonderful blue dress? After all, she rarely bought clothes for herself. And what did she do with him? She sewed a costume from it for a New Year's party for her daughter, who had nothing to go to the holiday. Yes, it is not difficult for a woman to sacrifice something for the sake of children, but in relations with her husband she can often have misunderstandings and debates.

Why do they happen? Because deep down we are big egoists and we want everyone around us to enjoy and do as we want. Therefore, if a person does not engage in spiritual practice and work on himself, then the false ego simply leaves him no chance. Gradually, he pumps out of his loved one all the love that he had, and when he has no strength left, he leaves him.

Vladimir Mayakovsky wrote about this very beautifully in the poem "Lilichka": “Tomorrow you will forget that you were crowned, that you burned your blooming soul with love, and the carnival of vain days will ruffle the pages of my books... Will the dry leaves of my words make you stop, breathing greedily? Give at least the last tenderness to cover your outgoing step.

Therefore, if we face the truth, we do not know how to love anyone but ourselves. This is very easy to understand if you think about whose truth is closer to us: our own or someone else's? Our truth is always dearer to us, and this is the inability to love. Therefore, when we are asked why we broke up, we answer: "We did not agree on the characters." This means that we simply did not like these people. We did not have enough love, I mean true love, to endure family adversity and, despite everything, go forward together.

Contract theory

If at school we learn to count and write for 10 years, what can we say, no one prepares us for marriage. It’s great if a mother from childhood was able to instill in her daughter a desire to help around the house and cook food, and dad taught the boy not to complain and cope with difficulties on his own. But family life is not limited to simply fulfilling the duties of providing for the family. As a rule, the number 1 need is the ability to communicate correctly. And this is where most of us fail completely. It is very good if a person can take a positive communication model from his family and bring it into his own. What if he can't? And if there were only scandals and violence in the family?

Therefore, it is very important to learn how to properly talk with loved ones, learn to respect them, pay attention to their virtues and not attach great importance to shortcomings (we are not talking about assault), avoid sharp corners and not hurt someone else's ego with offensive words, support in difficult times and inspire, voice your needs, and not hush them up and thereby hammer yourself into a corner. The ability to communicate includes so many things, and we know so little about it! Therefore, most marriages are not able to save a family, because they simply do not have communication skills.

- We are angry at loved ones and do not know that in this world we are all hanging by a thread. The stock of health of people who make a row is so low, so high is the likelihood of one of them ending up in intensive care. It is only worth the conflict to mature more seriously and that's it. And what did you prove to him? Is this your victory? Who will be happy when a loved one is taken to intensive care? You brought him to this. Only a bad person will not be able to understand that it was he who brought him down. Will it help or not? No. Then why fight? Wouldn't it be better to step back and talk calmly? asks Oleg Gennadievich.

Correct tactics

Conflicts in the family are inevitable. In this world, we are only learning relationships, so there will definitely be mistakes in building them. And not just once. Oleg Gennadievich jokingly gives an example that a horse, having stumbled in one place, will never step there again. However, man is the only animal in the world that can stumble in the same place 20 times. Therefore, it is necessary to study how to live correctly, how to interact with loved ones, what are our mistakes and how not to make them again.

For this reason, in addition to proper communication, you also need to learn how to get out of conflict correctly, how to live your emotions in an environmentally friendly way, how to move away from a loved one, how not to allow yourself to be humiliated, how to maintain self-esteem and much more. After all, life in marriage promises many surprises, both pleasant and not so. For some, they can become a point of no return, and for someone - a turning point in changing themselves for the better.

- In fact, changing yourself is not very difficult. In fact, you don't even need to do it. A decent person will never change himself. If he really understands how to live correctly, if this knowledge comes to his heart, he will feel a higher taste, he will immediately just want to live like this. This happens by itself, - notes Oleg Gennadievich.

Therefore, the first rule for achieving happiness is to become a worthy person. If a loved one does not understand you, then it is better to step back. Don't try to prove anything to him. It is better not to lose respect and wait until a person understands how to communicate. Because life was created for happiness, not for showdown. But if you have some kind of anxiety inside, you lack something, houses or cars, everything around you interferes with your life, colleagues or neighbors, then you do not have happiness inside. Oleg Gennadievich calls this state a disease of the mind. This means that the mind is struck by the wrong kind of happiness.

There is a Vedic comparison: a city is happy when it is full of life. There are several gates in the city through which both good and bad things enter. If you close the gate, then everything in the city will cease to function, and outside, on the contrary, many dissatisfied will accumulate. Therefore, closing the gate is not a way to get rid of the bad. You just need to find a way to get other good people through those gates.

This comparison also applies to family life. Throwing loved ones or getting divorced is not a way to get rid of the bad, plus then you still have to work out these actions. You need to make sure that the gates are opened in your life for something good: for knowledge, prayer, communication with exalted people and work on yourself. In this case, it will be easier for you to live, even if the family is not in the best period now.

Filled with strength from prayer, you will be able to overcome the difficulties of living together. But peace in the family means not only working on oneself, it also means raising a loved one. The Vedas say that service and education of a loved one are two sides of the same coin, they do not work separately and always lead to a skew in relationships: a tyrant is a victim.

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