How to have a great marriage

How to Have a Happy Marriage

All that dancing and laughter—weddings are a lot of fun, but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. (Sometimes it’s more like the frosting chunk that went up your nose during the smash—good intentions, but wrong outcome.) There’s actually a lot of work that goes into living “happily ever after,” so whether you’ve been married for years or just tied the knot, we asked the experts what couples can do to have a happy marriage. Follow their helpful tips for a stronger, healthier and yes…more blissful bond.

First of all, even happy couples argue.

No marriage is happy all of the time. “Like all relationships, there are ups and downs,” says psychologist Erica MacGregor. But when you do fight, happy marriages listen to each other’s point of view, recognize when the argument is going off the rails, and make the necessary repairs, she says. In fact, Dr. Juliana Morris, a family and couples therapist, says that some of the happiest couples she has worked with “have weathered hard times. ” So if you and your spouse sometimes argue, or are going through a rough patch, this does not necessarily mean you are in an unhappy marriage. In fact, it probably means you’re normal.

Focus on each other’s strengths.

It’s not always easy to see past minor annoyances, and at times you may even hate your partner. But to have a happy marriage you have to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and be able to set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute, LMSW. For example, if you’re better with numbers, don’t get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. Instead, make it your job to set the budget. If their strength is cooking, they can manage meal planning instead. “Using our strengths on a daily basis is associated with greater well-being,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of the book book Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. “And when we help our partner use their strengths we experience more relational satisfaction,” she says.

Don’t expect your partner to complete you.

Reality check: Jerry Maguire is a movie character. When he announced “You complete me,” it sure was romantic—but it doesn’t fly in the real world. According to Pawelski, If you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it can lead to an over-dependent relationship where you are not growing as individuals. Instead, couples in healthy relationships should “complement,” not “complete” one-another, she says. “We should be secure, mature, and whole in ourselves while being open to the other person.” So make sure you nurture your own interests and desires—take a class you’re interested in, make plans with friends—instead of waiting for your spouse to fill in the void.

But still, do things together. And have fun together.

While it’s important to not fully depend on your partner in order to maintain a happy marriage, it’s also necessary to share common experiences. “Injecting new activities and interests into your relationship can strengthen the bond,” says Pawelski.

Appreciate each other.

When you're with someone all the time, it's easy to take them for granted, but according to MacGregor, you should verbally express your appreciation every day. Whether you're calling positive attention to something thoughtful they've done, or letting them know something you like about them, "We all need to feel appreciated and reinforced for the things we are doing right," says MacGregor. For example, if your spouse makes you coffee in the morning, tell them it started your day with a smile. "If we don't feel valued we may become resentful and grow apart."

Accept and expect change

Pawelski believes that to be truly happy in marriage, couples must be willing to grow and adapt. “Our needs are always changing, people are growing, and relationships evolve,” she says. “So what we need today may not be what we need years from now.” Morris agrees: “It's crucial to bend, flex, and pivot with each other in a balanced dance,” she says. Because in successful marriages, each person supports the other so that they can grow to become the best person they can be, and that means maturing as individuals and together as a team. Until death do you part.

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Sara Stillman Berger

Sara is a freelance writer in New York, where she hides her favourite candy from her husband, two kids and even her golden retriever. The goldfish never asks for anything. Sara's work has appeared in The Washington Post, Women’s Health Magazine, Eating Well, shape.com, Scary Mommy, Runner’s World, Prevention, Seventeen, Martha Stewart Weddings, and Brides Magazine, among other publications.

This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

21 Key Secrets to a Successful Marriage

Wouldn’t you like to know the secret sauce to a happy and long-lasting marriage, especially from those happily married couples who have aced the art of leading a happy relationship?

We unveil 21 keys to a successful marriage that will help you problem-solve the marital issues, disarm the conflicting partner and help you create and maintain a successful marriage.

Whether you are a newlywed or refer to yourselves as ‘old Ball ‘n’ Chain,’ every marriage has its share of ups and downs. While it may sound cliché, lulls and patterns of mundanity are natural to the ebb and flow of married life.

Periods of stress, boredom, and poor communication are part of the course.

“Marriage takes work.”

Marriage does take work, and like anything else in life, you have to do the work to reap the reward. But the work of marriage is not like cleaning the toilet and taking out the trash.

Also Try: Am I Happy In My Relationship Quiz

What does a successful marriage mean to you?

Marriage is a union of two souls, yet the meaning of successful marriage differs from couple to couple. There is no clear definition of a successful marriage. However, here are some standard definitions of a successful marriage.

1. Having a good wife

For some people, a successful marriage means having a good wife. For some marrying, a virtuous woman who will take care of their husband and support him at all costs is what makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: 20 Qualities of a Good Wife

2. Raising a moral family

Some people believe that marriage is the union of two people and the family. They believe as a citizen of society, and they need to raise their kids morally upright.

They believe that if they can raise their children right, society will have better people, and for them, it is the definition of a successful marriage.

3. One with effective communication

Some people believe that clear communication and companionship are the keys to a successful marriage. These people are convinced that talking to each other without reservation and hiding no secrets makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: 16 Principles for Effective Communication in Marriage

4. Living as friends

If you are looking for a simple secret to a happy marriage, this might be it. This is one of the most talked-about definitions of a successful marriage. Some people firmly believe that sharing life as friends is the ultimate key to a successful marriage.

5. Unconditional love and understanding

Another common definition of a successful marriage is commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice. Some people believe that good understanding and unconditional love are the keys to a successful marriage. Accept your partner with flaws and understand that nobody is perfect.

What are the most important things in a marriage?

If you are looking for the recipe for a happy marriage, you must understand the essential things in marriage that help keep the relationship healthier. Here are some elements of a successful marriage you should consider if you want to fall under happily married couples.

1. Communication

Believe it or not, communication is the key to a happy marriage. Make sure that you always communicate clearly about what you want and expect. Remember that good communication is what makes a marriage successful.

Related Reading: Good Communication Basics

2. Respect

There should be mutual respect in marriage. Without respect, marriage can be toxic and stressful. It would help if you eliminated anything that can lead your partner to disrespect you and vice versa. Understand your partner’s perspective and try to work around that.

Having a different opinion but still understanding where your partner is coming from is an excellent way to show your respect towards your partner.

3. Setting Boundaries

Another important key to a successful marriage is setting personal boundaries without hesitation. You should keep an individual life and take out some time for yourself. You may be going on dates for five days a week, but you should also be able to meet with your friends and family often.

4. Trust

All successful marriages need mutual and unbreakable trust between partners. Although it takes time to build that kind of trust, you have to put in efforts right from the start.

5. Support

Having a supportive partner makes every marriage happy and successful. It is absolutely important to have a partner who believes in you and supports you unconditionally.

21 Key secrets to a successful marriage

The effort that goes into a successful marriage (read happy, functional, and fulfilling) is the type of work that can be fun and therapeutic.

Read on to know their 21 keys to a successful and happy marriage.

1. Be independent

Independence was rated extremely important in a marriage. To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy first. That is, in fact, the key to a successful relationship. With that in mind, wives and husbands must continue to take out time for themselves, enjoy their hobbies, and in general, spend some time apart.

Not only does absence make the heart grow fonder, but in the time we spend alone, we get to reunite with our spiritual side, re-establish our sense of self, and check-in with the progress of our personal preferences, goals, and achievements.

On the other hand, being dependent weakens your resolve and ability to move forward as a free thinker.

When we maintain our independent sense of self, we will always have something to talk about at the dinner table, and we are forever stronger, healthier, and more attractive to our partners.

Related Reading: Why Is It Important to Be Independent in a Relationship?

2. Be a good listener

We need to talk. Most partners dread this sentence but do you know that if you are wondering how to have a successful marriage, then creating a platform for healthy conversations is the way to go?

While all women should work on active listening, we emphasize this as an area of special attention for men. Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them is a listening ear.

This is due to their programming and how they are taught to relate to others.

Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure.

Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship.

Related Reading: 4 Tips to Be a Better Listener in a Relationship- Why It Matters

3. Agree to disagree

Being good together does not mean that couples agree on every little thing. Most of the couples we interviewed had varying attitudes, opinions, and belief systems; and even held opposing views on major areas in some cases.

All couples should have some level of disagreement somewhere. Successful, loving couples respected the point of view of one another and even had a sense of humor over their points of contention.

Remember, respect is one of the major tips for a successful marriage. Recognize two opposite views; one of them does not have to be correct.

4. Communicate

There are several books out there on the Languages of Love. This was developed of the concept in psychology that each individual has their unique way of communicating love.

By knowing your partner’s preferences and hobbies, metaphors can be used to communicate something the person understands well.

Observe the physical way your partner shows love, and you’ll know what makes a successful marriage.

This could be, washing your car or picking up the kids. It could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, it’s words, letters, and affection.

Our advice for a successful marriage? Figure out your partner’s love language so you will always know how to speak to them. Love languages are often talked about, but couples don’t pay as much attention to this as they should.

Understanding a partner’s love language is the secret to a happy relationship.

Related Reading: 5 Effective Strategies For Communicating With Your Spouse

5. Forgive each other

This can be one of the most complex keys to embrace, especially if you typically hold a grudge. This key goes hand-in-hand with praying together and offering grace.

Forgiveness is an extension of both of those keys. Take a deep breath and forgive your husband for not remembering to stop and grab milk. Forgive your wife for shrinking your shirt.

Forgiveness can transform your marriage, but it takes time and patience with yourself and your partner to look at them and tell them that you forgive them for hurting you in the past.

But if you can forgive your partner, you can move forward together without anger or frustration, and that past pain can begin to heal.

Start small if you can and work up to those big situations. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in marriage and will help you have a more successful marriage this year.

To practice forgiveness here is an educational video that will help you decode one of the keys to a successful marriage:

6. Acceptance

A major relationship killer, lack of acceptance, is a trait more commonly attributed to women known for their nagging. Remember, you married your partner for who he was then and now. Even if we wanted to change him now, we can’t.

The key to a successful marriage lies in realizing this as soon as possible.

When urging or persuading him, you only focus on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.

7. Take responsibility

It is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. When you participate in a project, take responsibility for your successes and failures.

When you and your partner have a disagreement or argument, remember to take responsibility for your actions, including anything you did or said, especially if it was hurtful, unthoughtful, or created adversity.

Related Reading: Why Is Accepting Responsibilities in a Relationship Important?

8. Never take one another for granted

Taking one another for granted may be the most toxic pathogen of all. Once they are comfortable, it is easy for couples to slip into a complacent state – and expectations form.

This is only a matter of human nature, as we get comfortable with what is familiar, but in marriage, you absolutely should never come to a place where you take your partner for granted.

Pledge to respect your partner indefinitely no matter what. Avoid assumptions, and offer to do nice things for your partner whenever possible. Most successful marriages have partners who vouch for this.

9. Date night

Among the other tips for a successful marriage, dating is the most ignored and overlooked by couples. It does not matter what a couple does on their date night.

Simply having a night when they spend their time with each other strengthens the bond and maintains it over time. When you have a date night, you should turn your phones off and put them away, so you are free of distractions.

Watch a movie at home with popcorn or go hiking or rollerblading together. Change it up often and be helpful and cheerful for one another. A romantic and thoughtful date night is not just one of the steps to a successful marriage.

It is important to schedule this monthly, if not weekly, to maintain accountability and establish a pattern of importance regarding date night.

Related Reading: Romantic Date Night Ideas Without Breaking Your Wallet

10. Add romance

Wondering how to make a marriage successful? Go old school with your romance. Romantic acts can be many – try giving her a flower someday or place a love note in his briefcase or backpack. Surprise him with his favorite meal, or watch the sunset together.

There is no shortage of marriage tips and ideas, and you’ll be amazed at how far a little romance goes toward strengthening the relationship.

11. Keep intimacy alive

Sex is very important to a healthy marriage. Sex should be regular, and therapists suggest doing it even when you’re not in the mood!

We suggest keeping it interesting by talking about what pleases you and adding any fantasy role-playing, positions, or bedroom props you may want to introduce to keep it exciting.

After all, what is a successful marriage if it doesn’t let you get what you desire?

Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone talks about how making this one conscious decision before getting married can help make a marriage successful.

12. Compliments

“A compliment a day keeps the divorce attorney away.” Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes every day, and paying compliments, will go a long way in your relationships.

Stay positive, and keep track of what your partner does well.

When the going gets rough, and his not-so-great attributes come forward, rather than focusing on the negative, try switching gears, and point out the positive stuff instead.

13. Look for the soft emotion

Behind every “hard” emotion is a soft one; psychologists teach this concept.

When we feel anger, it’s usually masking another emotion behind it, such as sadness, disappointment, or jealousy.

We often use anger as a disguise to protect our vulnerabilities.

Looking for the “soft” or vulnerable emotions underneath someone’s complex display of anger will help keep you connected as you are better equipped to empathize with that person’s genuine emotion.

We are often searching for marriage tips for a successful relationship. Still, We fail to realize that a simple thing such as identifying the reality of emotions can keep us on the right track.

14. Let go of the fantasy

Unfortunately, we are socialized to believe in fairytale endings, and we may carry some false perspectives on reality into adulthood. We need to recognize that, while marriage can be a beautiful thing, it is not effortless, nor will it ever be perfect.

Have realistic expectations and do not fall victim to the fairy tale – you may find yourself sorely disappointed. This is not only one of the most important keys to a successful marriage but plays a massive role in your happiness as an individual too.

15. Do not control

Married people often come to a place where they start to lose themselves, they give in to jealousy or feelings of inadequacy, or they forget that they are separate people away from their partners, and they may try to control their partners.

Most of the time, this is done inadvertently, as expectations may grow over time.

What makes a marriage successful are communication, independent time, and healthy indulgences that will keep any couple on track. If you sense you are being controlled or are the controller, get a handle on it or make an appointment for a family counselor.

16. Never use the D-word

Presuming you don’t want to get a divorce, don’t threaten to. Couples using the D-word or talking about separation during fights use this as a control mechanism. Couples using it threateningly are more likely to see Divorce come to fruition.

Making threats is not a mature strategy for solving any problem, so don’t do it.

17. Pray together

This is one of those keys that takes so little time from jampacked days but gives you space to breathe together.

Before bed each night or right after you tuck the little ones into bed and say prayers with them, pray with your partner.

Take a few minutes to offer thanks and grace to God and each other. These quiet moments when you invite God into your marriage helps to strengthen your emotional connection to God and your partner.

Related Reading: How to Pray With Your Spouse: 8 Steps & Benefits

18. Offer grace to each other

If you’re like me, you are relatively quick to offer grace to the people we work with each day or to our children when they make mistakes.

Too often, we hold grudges or harbor anger with our partners rather than offering them that same grace that flows so easily in many other areas of our lives.

Our partner often take the brunt of our frustrations and setbacks, and we forget that we have to also seek the good in them.

My wife didn’t mean to leave the dirty dishes in the sink overnight; she fell asleep after putting our daughter to bed. Instead of grumbling about the dishes, you need to offer her grace. Load the dishwasher and maybe bring her a cup of coffee too.

‘Being quick to grace and not to frustration’ goes a long way to setting our marriages up for success.

19. Have patience for each other

Parenting books talk about how children often behave the worst for their parents because they are most comfortable and safe at home. The same holds for successful marriages.

We often show our worst sides to our partner because we are comfortable and safe with them. That can often look like frustration and a severe lack of patience.

We get frustrated when they take forever in the shower or when they aren’t home at the exact time they said. Remember, this is the person you love most in the world. Grant them the same patience you grant to your toddler at the very least.

20. Respect each other (in private and in public)

One of the highest compliments you can give to another person is to have them hear that you have been singing their praises to others when they aren’t even there.

When you are out and about professionally or socially, respect your partner by singing their praises in conversations. Also, respect your partner through your actions, both in public and private.

If you said you would be home by 5, be home by 5 (as often as you can). If you are running late, respect your partner enough to call.

In private, respect your partner by speaking to them as if they matter to you. Sing their praises in front of your children. Listen to them when they tell you about their day. It is such a simple gesture, and it matters.

21. Encourage each other

It is important to know your partner’s hopes and dreams. This new year is a great time to talk about your goals.

When your partner shares their goals and resolutions with you, please encourage them to accomplish them. Make their goals as necessary as your own.

Be their biggest cheerleader, and do your best to help them and give them the space they need to meet their goals for the year. This also works for the goals you set together.

How can you push and support each other to be the best version of yourselves that you can be? Make your individual and couple goals a priority and celebrate your progress throughout the year.

Conclusion

Most happy couples swear by these successful marriage tips. Follow these keys to a successful marriage, and you will be able to save your marriage and enjoy a highly successful one.

How to get married

Seek your destiny, don't lose hope. Even if the girl is not beautiful, there will still be someone who will like her.

articleContent There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes that she is ready for marriage. However, it often does not work out with personal life and it is difficult to fulfill a secret desire.

Particularly annoying at this time are those who persistently remind a lonely girl that it is time to think about marriage. Most single women just get annoyed by this kind of reminder.

READ ALSO: How to survive a divorce: 5 tips

Be honest

One of the conditions that will help solve this problem is honesty with yourself. The first thing to do is find out why you are still single. For example, you may be embarrassed to admit even to yourself that you have feelings for your ex, but not relationships.

To understand the real reason, it is worth thinking about what you deny most of all, hide in the subconscious. That is the real reason.

Respect yourself

Disrespect for yourself can provoke a similar reaction of the male to you. The key to success is respect. To overcome this problem, it is worth studying your minuses and advantages in order to transform all negative traits into pluses in the future. You also need to not be shy about your preferences and be able to show them from the good side.

articleContent

Know how to seduce

Seductiveness is a necessary quality in building relationships between a man and a woman. It is not necessary to constantly be in the image of the Snow Queen. Psychologists advise avoiding boredom in a relationship. After all, a man will not tolerate an eternally dull and dissatisfied roommate. He wants to see a woman next to him who conquered him with her relaxedness and cheerfulness.

Emotional balance

Being emotional is an advantage if you are under 25 years old. Older women should be more restrained in the manifestation of emotions, especially when communicating with the male. It is impossible to show excessive anger or resentment in the presence of men.

Men want stability, not constant rollercoaster rides. The house should be associated with comfort, stability and care. Otherwise, the desire to return home early will disappear, there will be reasons for delays at work, because the husband will not know what awaits him at home. Who will meet him in the evening? A caring keeper of the family hearth or a hurricane of violent emotions? It is important to curb your character in time.

READ ALSO: How to get rid of children's complexes

Look like a worthy woman

Raise your prestige in any way. You have probably heard more than once that men are interested in seeking women, as they are. The gray mouse is not interesting to anyone.

Find talents or qualities in yourself that you admire and respect. Remember that the opinion of close friends and acquaintances is very important for a man. It is their assessment that will play a role for him. However, do not forget that being someone and just appearing are two different things. In this case, it is better not to play anything, not to pretend to be another person - the truth will still manifest itself. If the environment of the husband appreciates you highly, then he will have no other choice than to take their thoughts into account.

The best recommendation for a successful marriage is the ability of a woman to love herself, despite the flaws in appearance or negative qualities of character.

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#family relationships #wedding #psychology of relationships #Man and woman #useful tips

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Read online “How to Marry Successfully”, University of Life – LitRes

Practical recommendations for reading the book

Dear reader, this book can change your life. Please take seriously everything you read in it, because marriage is a sphere of a woman's life that affects her entire destiny. To ensure that the valuable advice and knowledge gained in this book does not remain a theory on paper for you, but comes true, here are four practical ways to consolidate and assimilate the information so that it becomes your personal life baggage.

1. Read the book several times.

2. Underline and take notes.

3. Reread the underlined passages.

4. Practice the learned principles immediately.

Golden Truths and Practices

At the end of each chapter, you will find the Golden Truths, which will summarize all the important points that were made in the chapter.

You will also find "Practical tasks" that will help you bring what you have read to life. They are not meant for mere reading or superficial thought. So that you can get the maximum result and benefit from these practical tasks, I advise you to complete them in writing within 24 hours, otherwise, covered by daily fuss, you will lose the feeling of freshness and novelty of the knowledge gained, and with it your enthusiasm to introduce this knowledge into your life will disappear. to change yourself, your approach to life, to the environment - and hence your destiny.

From many years of experience, we know that usually people perform such tasks only formally, as they often did at school or college. But this is about your life, so completing these tasks will determine how much your life can improve. To complete tasks, it is advisable to find a quiet place where no one can interfere with you, and set aside special times when no one will disturb you.

As you study the book, be sure to reflect on all the important points you have highlighted to yourself, remember your decisions, and write down your next steps.

Psychological tests

Also at the end of each chapter you will find "Psychological Tests", which are not just entertaining tests, but guides, the purpose of which is to help you determine how far or close you are from a successful marriage, to see and realistically evaluate your chances. These tests will allow you to identify your weaknesses and gaps in knowledge, as well as help you determine the course, where you need to change, what decisions and steps to take in your relationship with the opposite sex in order to achieve your goal and get married successfully.

Recommendation for passing tests: put a real mark. Do not deceive yourself, because you cannot run away from yourself. Be your own architect and builder of your own destiny.

After reading each chapter, answer the quiz at the end. Only one answer should be marked per question or statement. A score is indicated next to each answer. The amount of points scored will determine how great your chances of successfully getting married are now. And deciphering the result will give you a hint on what else you need to work on yourself so that the dream becomes a reality.

If after reading the book you have any questions, you can get advice or sign up for the University of Life training by clicking on the link on the website www.unilas.com. There you can also find books on various topics that interest you. These books will help you change the quality and standard of your life.

Introduction

A woman's dignity can be measured by the man she loves.

V. G. Belinsky, RUSSIAN LITERARY CRITICIAN (1811-1848)

One of the most beautiful women on the planet, Claudia Schiffer, went to her happiness through envy, deceit and disappointment. Today, the famous German woman is sure: for the sake of the love of her two children and her husband, it was worth going through all the tests. The legendary model had no luck with men for a long time. By the age of 30, she increasingly thought about children, but she was already desperate to meet the man of her life. In her own words, everyone with whom she spoke did not want or could not see what she really was - a fragile girl who had to work hard to achieve her goal. And then fate finally brought her a long-awaited meeting. English producer Matthew Vaughn became the man the beauty dreamed of. Having married him and given birth to two children, the famous top model, who has more than 600 covers of the best fashion magazines in the world, claims: “Motherhood is the best thing that happened to me in my life, and, believe me, there were many bright moments in it. ".

Obviously, Claudia's marriage can be attributed to successful - the beauty does not hesitate to tell the whole world how happy she is in marriage. Today, the fortune of Claudia Schiffer is estimated at more than $ 90 million, but the main wealth of the model, by her own admission, is her husband and children. And if she has to leave her career for them, she is ready to sacrifice her work and devote herself entirely to her family.

How to get married successfully? Every girl asks herself this question, but every potential bride understands this question in her own way. What does it mean to be happily married? What should be luck? Or what is considered a failure in marriage? How to grab this luck by the tail and then not let go of your whole long happy family life?

Of course, first of all, in order to answer the question “How to get married successfully?”, you need to know yourself very well, your capabilities, your influence on men, the features of the environment in which you want to get married, imagine what qualities a future husband should have, how and what your family life should consist of. In this case, it is more likely that you will meet, fall in love and marry a man whose marriage will be successful.

There is often an opinion in society that a successful marriage is a marriage with a successful person. But there are many wives of successful people who will challenge this opinion. Confirmation that a successful husband is not a guarantee of a happy marriage is the story of the wife of a popular composer. In one of the interviews, journalists asked her a question, did her husband's success make her happy? After all, she married the future star of Russian show business when he was neither rich nor famous. At the time of their marriage, he lived in a hostel. To the question of journalists about his fame and her status as the wife of a successful and wealthy man: “Did it make you happy?” - she answered the following: “Life has shown that it is not. Relationships make a person happy ... "Here one could put an end to it, because the phrase is truly golden:

Relationships make a person happy.

These words should be carved in stone on the wall of each registry office. But the heroine of the interview added one more stroke to the description of her life as a married to a successful man, on the basis of which future happy wives can draw a disappointing conclusion: “a successful man” does not mean “a successful family man”. “After the wedding, my husband got a stable job, tours, more money. For a man, this is extremely important,” she continued. But then the priorities changed. There were things more important than home and family. My husband worked hard, and I patiently waited. But there were more and more tours. He left for a week, returned six months later ... ”Some readers may object that loneliness is the payment of the wife of a successful person for her enviable status. But if everything was limited to temporary loneliness. After all, such relationships, when the husband disappears at work, motivating this by caring for the family, sooner or later cool down so much that the spouses cease to be close people and disperse. And so it happened with our composer. To date, he has divorced his wife, leaving a family with three teenage children, one of whom is also terminally ill. No, this man is not a scoundrel and not a tyrant. According to his abandoned wife, he is a good father and helps children. So we brought out another principle: “a good father” does not mean a “good husband”.

Someone will say: “This is life, so it's not destiny, it just happened…” No. If a man offers a woman a hand and a heart, he is responsible for her all his life. When our heroine married this man, she was a young beautiful girl. Did she really plan to "get married" for 15 years and return to her original position? For these 15 years, she "worked" as a rear for her husband and as a mother for his children. During these 15 years, her husband built a career with her help and support. What did she build? She was building a family. But the material was defective, and after 15 years the building collapsed. Conclusion? Initially, you need to choose the right “material” from which you are going to build your family. To build a house, you should not take a brick that is defective or not suitable for you in the hope that "it will change." The same is true in choosing a marriage partner. If you are building a family from defective or unreliable "material", life shows that it will not change, but will spoil the whole construction for you. Therefore, it is extremely important for a successful marriage to find is a real husband, who has the right inner core and is able to go through the difficulties of building a successful marriage with you.

You are looking for happiness, but gaining experience. Sometimes you think: this is it, happiness! But no, again experience ...

Modern media are full of invocative promises to help a girl in the difficult issue of arranging her personal life. Dozens of famous books look at you from the shelves - one is wiser than the other - and women's happiness, despite being well-read, still bypasses. You have listened to more than one training on how to successfully climb the ladder of relationships from dating to marriage. We studied books like “He is yours. Marry in two months” and drew up a clear program of action. But a successful marriage still did not become a reality. Why?

Thousands of women hope for such books-training-programs, but only a few of them find happiness in marriage. Why is it so? Because books on the topic "How to marry him to yourself in two months" focus women's attention on how to catch and hold prey in the face of the groom. But they do not say that is something more important than marrying a man. This is to marry a real man. And no one talks about how to find this real man. This is largely due to the fact that in society there is a stereotyped understanding of what kind of man can be called real. Therefore, if a woman suddenly sets out to find exactly real man, she just won't know who to look for. You can spend a whole day in the library, but still not make a complete list of qualities by which you can "calculate" a real man. The good news is that such a list, tested by time and practice, you will find on the pages of this book.

And as an encouragement, I would like to add that meeting a real man is not at all difficult. You, dear reader, may not even suspect that such men are in your environment. And all because the notorious stereotyped idea of a real man, which the media, parents and friends instill in us, has nothing to do with reality. Therefore, women, having met, “do not recognize” real men, but contact those who are no match for them.

Read this book with an open heart and reflect on your past life, draw conclusions about your past mistakes in relationships with the opposite sex and make new decisions to build your new destiny!

Chapter 1. Oh, this wedding!

How nice it is to be a wife

Leyla got married at the age of 16, moved to her husband in the capital, and since then her life has become an unattainable role model for a dozen of her friends. Sighing, they told each other the latest news from Leila's life - where she is now resting with her businessman husband, what new car her husband gave her, what elite kindergarten she sent her children to, and how she furnished her next mansion. We can say that the name "Leyla" has become a brand and a sign of quality in their circle. The highest praise was the comparison "like Leila." And remembering her wedding, many years later, those around her rolled their eyes and repeated that it was impossible to surpass such magnificence. And it was not only the cost of the event, but also the taste with which everything was organized. Imagine - a young bride in a puffy dress made of cream satin with Venetian lace. Her head was crowned with a diamond diadem, inherited from the grandmother of her businessman husband. The husband was dressed in an elegant English tailcoat in the color of the bride's dress. From the cathedral where the wedding took place, they were brought by an open snow-white convertible decorated with fresh flowers. But the most striking thing was that the wedding took place in Italy, in the picturesque medieval town of Sirmione on the shores of a huge lake, along which white swans swam against the backdrop of Mont Blanc towering in the distance.

The groom's family kindly took care of all the expenses for the stay in Italy of the guests - Leila's friends and relatives, who were settled in the ancient castle of this resort town. In the same place, on the emerald lawn of the castle, a magnificent wedding banquet took place. The servants of the castle in gilded livery moved nimbly between the many richly set tables arranged in the shape of the letter L, named after the bride. On silver trays floated unprecedented delicacies from the best chef, specially ordered for this occasion from Paris. The warm wind enveloped the guests in the aromas of roses and exotic flowers from the surrounding flower beds, nightingales filled the crown of evergreen cypresses, competing in melodiousness with the musicians located near the table of the newlyweds and entertaining guests with classical music.

The guests were in an aesthetic knockout, the bride's parents could not hold back the tears of emotion, the bride herself was in seventh heaven with happiness, and the groom was pleased that the bride was happy and that the tedious wedding chores were finally left behind.

The next was even better. Leila, a girl from a small provincial town, began a fabulous life. She lived in the capital, was a beloved woman and the muse of a successful husband, the soul of the company of his many friends and the rightful mistress of a rich house. Soon, the most important status was added to these statuses, which almost every woman dreams of - Leila became the mother of two charming kids - a boy and a girl. Now their house was, as they say, "a full bowl." Looking at family life, Leila herself and, moreover, her friends, putting their hands to their chest, declared in unison: “Oh, how nice it is to be a wife!”

And then one day at a bachelorette party the cherished dream of all her friends came true. They persuaded the brilliant Leila to tell them the secret of family happiness. It is obvious that Layla had complete order with this. Her seemingly ideal husband actually turned out to be so. After years of living together, he still surrounded his wife with attention and care, as in the first months of their acquaintance.

“Well, tell me, finally…” they pleaded, moving closer like a flock of sparrows waiting for bread.

Layla looked around her circle of friends with hidden pity.

Anna - 29 years old, Chief Economist for an international company. Beautiful, but pathologically proud and independent. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, whom she met since her student days.

Marina - 25 years old, manicure master. A miniature blonde, confident that a woman does not need education and her mind even harms her. She is waiting for a prince who will carry her in his arms and take care of her.

Katya - 32 years old, owner of an online store selling clothes for dogs. A chubby red-haired chick. She loves to bake pies, dreams of getting married and becoming a housewife. For a long time and hopelessly is in search of a man to whom you can give your care and warmth. In the absence of a permanent object, she generously gives attention to everyone who falls into her field of vision. For example, I recently met a security guard at a nearby supermarket and the next day brought him a pot of pies with cabbage. He took the pies, but since then he has never called. “Probably I oversalted them,” Katya decided and switched to a new object - a nice courier came to her work, saying that he was not married.

Olya - 25 years old, English teacher. A tall brown-haired woman from an intelligent family. I am sure that in our time, real men have already died out. And those that are are married. Meets her boss, who is married to her ex-girlfriend. Olya hopes that soon he will leave his boring, but inappropriately pregnant wife and marry her. She does not see anything immoral in breaking up someone else's family, because she needs to somehow get settled in life. Olya was the only one of Leila's friends whom she did not introduce to her businessman husband. Yes, just in case.

Leyla looked at her friends and revealed her “secret”:

“Girls, remember, the main thing is to feed him delicious food,” she said after a dramatic pause. She had the air of a seasoned family psychology guru, and frankly enjoyed the experience. “So I confessed to you,” she thought meanwhile. “A good housewife won’t even reveal the recipe of her favorite pie to anyone, and you want me to give you the passwords to my husband’s heart!”

In the meantime, the friends, having heard this recipe for family happiness, understandable and familiar from school, nodded with satisfaction. They knew it. This means that they are on the right track, and their family happiness is also just around the corner. Only Katya was a little surprised - after all, she tried to tasty feed every man she met, but so far this has not helped her much to advance on the way to the cherished altar. Remembering the last story about the pan of pies for the supermarket guard, she finally strengthened the idea that the pies were too salty. Otherwise he would have called back...

Dear Reader! Unlike Layla, we will tell you the truth. On the pages of this book you will find the answer why you have not yet been able to successfully marry, why other lucky women have succeeded and what you need to do to join their few ranks.

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